


I want to stay with you forever

by Shirohimesstories



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gore, Lemon, M/M, Mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-25 00:10:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 218,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4939222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shirohimesstories/pseuds/Shirohimesstories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Shizaya) Shizuo hated the flea-always had and always would. He was just a manipulative louse, right? Or so he thought. But then he experienced situations he never thought he would- Observations, weird feelings, a side to Izaya he had never seen before and shady people trying to kill both! ? Just what is Izaya so afraid of?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: I´m not scared

-On the streets of Ikebukuro. Shizuo & Izaya´s point of view-

"IIII-ZAAAAA-YAAAAA!"

CRASH. Another telephone pole collided with hard concrete, right where a certain ravenhaired man was standing just seconds before.

"What´s wrong Shizu-chan~? I know you can aim better than that~!" the original target of the thrown object teased.

Izaya Orihara- Best information broker in Ikebukuro and Shizuo Heiwajima´s greatest foe.

Teasing his nemesis further, Izaya hurled another one of his blades at the former bartender.

"Shizu-chan~ come on catch me if you can~" he taunted with his trademark smirk.

Shizuo felt the anger welling up inside him, as the flea used his so hated nickname again.

"YOU DAMN FLEA! I WILL KILL YOU! I WILL KILL YOU TILL YOU`RE DEAD!" he yelled, anger taking the better of him.

He grabbed a nearby trashcan, heaved it without any trouble at all and threw it at his most loathed enemy. Izaya however dodged it laughing.

"Now, that doesn´t make much sense, don´t you think Shizu-chan?"

Dammit! That shitty flea, can´t he stop moving for one moment, so that I can kill him?!

However Izaya certainly wasn´t going to do him that favour. Just like before he evaded every flying object that was supposedly aimed at him and carefree continued making fun of the debt collector.

Oh how he loved seeing his blond so furious.

"IZAYAAAAA!"

"Whoa, isn´t that Heiwajima Shizuo?"

"Scary…"

"Orihara is also there, get away, that´s gonna be dangerous!"

Astonished bystanders watched the two of them as they took out their usual fight on the streets. Just like that, they went on in their typical daily routine off chasing one another through Ikebukuro.

Izaya chuckled. Even though this wasn´t an unusual sight, the residents didn´t seem to get tired of the scenario. He couldn´t blame them. After all how could someone ever get tired of watching his beloved monster, doing impossible things like throwing light poles and vending machines after him?

Just then another light pole, followed by a stop sign flew over, only a few inches apart from Izaya´s face. He stopped in his movement and looked frowning at the ridiculously well-aimed object.

I guess that´s it for today…

He decided that he should make his leave. Swiftly he dashed to the other side of the street- of course not without flashing Shizuo one last smirk.

"Well then Shizu-chan, I think we played enough for today." he vocalized in a taunting tune, making the blond shoot him a glare.

"OI, I AM NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET!" he barked furiously.

However Izaya didn´t listen. Instead he waved at the debt collector briefly, before disappearing into an alley. Immediately Shizuo rushed after him, not done with the flea yet, but as he reached the alley there was already no trace of the informant left.

-A few hours later in a bar. Shizuo´s point of view-

"DAMMIT!"

Utterly frustrated Shizuo slammed his fist onto the bar counter, which ended up being decorated with a decent hole. A few girls in the back of the bar screamed surprised by the sudden outburst of the blond.

"Shizuo, calm down…", Tom sighed, while putting a hand on the blond´s right shoulder.

But the blond was still trembling with anger.

Tom invited Shizuo to go to a bar with him, after they finished their work as dept collectors. He had been in a bad mood all day since he met Izaya- of course, that bastard always managed to make his blood boil- and agreed, knowing Tom just wanted to get the information broker out of his mind. He really apreciated Tom´s effort, but still- Shizuo was pissed off.

Instead of calming down he was now furiously taking out his anger on the bar counter.

"That shitty bastard, next time I see him, I am definitely killing him!" he announced while gulping down his drink.

"Well, stop destroying the bar for now, I don´t wanna be thrown out because of you." Tom rubbing his temples sighing.

Sudden realization hit him, as Shizuo looked at the crashed table in front of him. Guilty he clenched his fists.

"Sorry... But that fucking flea just makes my blood boil!" he tried to justify his action.

He gritted his teeth as he remembered the smirking louse running away to make his escape again...

Oh god how much he hated that sneaky grin!

It always went that way!

Every fucking time Shizuo met that parasite he just got away, mostly without even a scratch!

Why the fuck does he always freaking get away?!

Tom sighed and looked at the obviously still raging ex-bartender.

"Why do you even hate him that much? I know he pulled some tricks to get you arrested and such, but it´s not like this hasn´t happened with others too…" his voice held curiosity as he asked the question.

Shizuo finally looked up. He decided to grab one of his cancer sticks as a means of calming him down. Indeed, Tom had a point, he couldn´t care less, what the flea had done to him, there were others who had done worse. But the flea…. he just seemed to keep pushing the wrong buttons…

It´s not like he did anything. I just hated him the first second I saw him.

He frowned at the memory of their first encounter- and that damn self-confident grin of his.

"It´s just that smirk on his face…", Shizuo grunted aloud and blew the smoke into the air.

"You hate him because of his smirk…?", Tom asked with a questioning look.

"Yeah, more or less… I wiped out an entire team before his eyes and he just sat there, actually smiling…!"

Shizuo threw his cigarette to the floor and stomped on it.

"Fuck! Just thinking about it makes me angry! That fucking bastard, I am gonna fucking kill him!"

Raging with his newfound anger he stomped on his cigarette, when suddenly a man, wrapped up in a long black coat, approached him.

"So, you say you want to kill Orihara Izaya?" he asked with a stern voice.

Shizuo turned his head around in order to see who the hell dared to mention the flea´s name when he was around.

"Who the hell are you? Piss off!" he snapped at the stranger, but the weirdo just smirked at the response.

"Excuse me, but I couldn´t refrain from catching a bit of your conversation. I didn´t get around the fact, that you really loath the information broker Orihara Izaya. Enough, to actually kill him… Did I perceive that right?" he asked with a low voice, grin still not fading from his face.

Shizuo eyed the man suspicious.

I didn´t think there would be anyone in Ikebukuro left who didn´t know of our fights…

He turned around annoyed due to having heard the name of his nemesis twice and faced the stranger.

"Yeah that´s right. So, what the hell do you want?", he asked, not missing the way the weirdo´s smirk grew even wider.

"Then I have a job for you.", the stranger declared. Surprised Shizuo gazed at the man.

"A job?" Shizuo raised his eyebrows. He noticed Tom leaning closer, probably wanting to hear what the stranger had to say as well.

"What´s that job about?", Shizuo asked, interest piqued a little bit.

"Well...", he snickered. "I want you to observe Orihara Izaya for me."

Shizuo didn´t miss the way Tom´s eyes nearly popped out, as he heard the request the man was making. He was obviously trying to hold back his laughter and simultaneously eyed Shizuo. He probably waited how the blond would react to that ridiculous request. Shizuo got up from his seat, trying to keep his cool.

That man didn´t know of their relationship, that was he was certain of. Otherwise he wouldn´t have asked Shizuo to actually "observe" his most loathed enemy.

"No way.", Shizuo just sighed and turned to Tom.

"Tom-san, I am leaving for today." he declared while leaving the bar.

"Ah, sure.", Tom laughed and looked amused at the surprised stranger. He had anticipated a different answer it seemed. However he didn´t seem to give up yet.

He followed Shizuo.

-outside-

"Well, wait up a bit. I know about your relationship with Izaya Orihara.", he said, having already caught up to Shizuo.

"Huh? You know?", Shizuo asked annoyed. Now he really got on his nerves. He knew about their relationship and dared to request such a stupid thing?!

He clenched his fists in annoyance as the man kept on rambling.

"I heard a little bit. But wait up and let me explain, when I have finished I think you won´t be as opposed to the idea as before.", he said trying to convince him to stop.

Shizuo actually did as he said and turned around to look at the strange guy. His reason however was not to hear the man out, but to shut him up.

"Listen, nothing in the world could get me to volunteerly watch the damned flea! Now stop bothering me, you fucking get on my nerves." Shizuo warned angrily and already motioned to move on.

But the man was persistent- he still kept following him.

Calm down- Calm down, you already destroyed the city once today, there is no need to do it twice… Shizuo tried to not give in to this rising anger of his as the man pestered him again.

"Just think about it! You hate Orihara Izaya. You hate him so much you fight with him every day in order to kill him!"

Damn right, now piss off.

"Yet you never caught him so far… Doesn´t it get on your nerves, that he always gets away…?"

That made Shizuo stop in his movement. He didn´t miss the emphasis the stranger had used to highlight the word always.

That weirdo actually got a point, he didn´t even once get the flea for real. Sure, he would sometimes throw a lucky punch or some sign and scratch or even hit him, but even so he always got away. He turned around briefly.

"What are you trying to tell me?", he asked the stranger.

"I want you to observe Orihara Izaya for a certain purpose- I want to find his weakness." Surprised Shizuo stared at the man.

Weakness…? That bastard has no weakness. Shizuo looked at him with doubt. The stranger seemed to get that Shizuo didn´t really believe the flea had a weakness, so he explained further.

"Every human has a weakness, even a bastard as crazy and sick as Orihara Izaya has one." he tried again, but Shizuo still looked at him doubtfull.

Izaya- having a weakness?- no way. The stranger sighed and waved his hand dismissing.

"Nevermind, how about this? I will pay you 1.000.000¥ per day, how does that sound?"

Shizuo nearly choked on his cigarette as he heard the sum.

"…the fuck?! What, you some rich ass that´s bored or what?", he asked and took a closer look at the stranger.

But besides a huge scar on his left eye there was nothing special about him. Brown hair, brown eyes. Not even some kind of intimidating glare or shit like that. From the sum he mentioned like it was pocket-money he would have guessed he was at least with the yakuza or something like that.

"No, I just also quite hate Orihara Izaya, for reasons you don´t necessarily have to know. Either way, how is it, do we have a deal?"

Shizuo looked at him suspiciously.

Sure he hated the idea of having to watch the fucking flea for even one second- apart from the fact that they wouldn´t discover a weakness on that bastard anyway- but he sure as hell could use the money he offered.

And that damn bastard would probably keep pestering him forever if he didn´t agree- and he certainly wasn´t in the mood now to beat up that guy.

He hated violence.

"Fine...", he grumbled reluctantly. "I will do the job."

The stranger grinned at the response.

"Very well…"

-In Izayas apartment. Izaya point of view-

A: No we disagree.

B: That´s right, your offer is in no way acceptable!

Izaya looked bored at the conversation on his computer. It´s been hours and he was still sitting here, discussing money issues with these stupid men. Izaya sighed.

So they won´t accept…

Why couldn´t they just give him what he wanted? He smirked.

Well, if that´s the case…I will just make you accept~ He began to type again.

Izaya: Lovely B-san and A-san~ I am sure you know, that it wouldn´t be good for you if you denied my offer now, wouldn´t it?~

B: What do you mean?

Izaya: Well, you know, there have been rumors going around!~ People dealing drugs while camouflaging them as company deliverings… Not that you two would be involved with it~

A: You bastard! You have no proof!

Izaya: Oh, I wouldn´t be too sure of that…~

Silence. Izaya leaned back on his chair. Now he just had to wait till they finally gave in and accepted his offer.

Humans sure are easy to read. You threaten them and they do what you want.

Izaya laughed. He didn´t even have the actual proof he was talking about, but just the possibility of it being true would push the two of them to give in. A sudden *pling* showed him that they had written back. Curious he read what their answer was.

B: Fine. Tomorrow at the same place as usual.

B-offline-

Izaya chuckled. He won. Oh how he loved his interesting mind-games. Suddenly another reply showed up. Seeing it switched to private mode, he read the content curious.

A: (private mode) You´re playing with fire you know, if I were you I would better watch my back!

Izaya: (private mode) Shingeki-san, I wouldn´t throw with stones when I am sitting in a glasshouse…~ I would refrain from trying anything in your position, if you know what I mean… stealing money from your boss isn´t that nice, isn´t it~?

A: (private mode) …go die.

A-offline-

Izaya laughed and spun around on his favourite chair.

"Humans sure are interesting beings!", he chuckled.

Sometimes they just acted like he wanted them to- and then again they totally surprised him. But as long as he had information he had the power to control anyone to his liking either way.

Knowledge is power, as Francis Bacon once said.

Oh what wise words~

He stood up and stretched himself briefly. After having sat in front of his computers for so long he needed some exercise. Maybe he should visit Shizuo once again~?

Walking towards his entrance his sight fell on his game. Snickering he briefly took one of the chess figures and dropped it into the dustbin.

"Sayonara~ little pawn.", he laughed amused before leaving his apartment.

-Meanwhile on the floor directly above Izaya´s apartment. Shizuo point of view-

"We are here."

Shizuo stepped into the apartment. It was really spacious, just like the flea´s. Hell, not even like the flea´s- it looked exactly the same.

He looked at the stranger questioning. What was he planning?

The weirdo seemed to realize that Shizuo was eyeing him with suspicion, so he started his explanation.

"I am sure you already know, that Izaya´s apartment is right under this one, I guess?" he asked, pointing downwards.

Shizuo nodded. Of course he knew. He had been there quite a few times- but even then he couldn´t catch the damn louse. The man continued nodding.

"That makes it easier, you see, this apartment is exactly above Izaya´s apartment and I really mean exactly. This kitchen is over his kitchen, this bedroom over his bedroom and so on… moreover…", he moved to the middle of the living room, and kneeled on the floor. Carefully he pushed the carpet aside and revealed an entrance to the apartment beneath.

"This is an entrance to Izaya´s apartment, and this…" he removed the carpet from another spot on the floor-smaller this time. "…is a sort of spy. You will find one in every room of this apartment, of course they are not visible from beneath, they are made out of a special kind of glass."

He stood up again.

"I want you to observe Orihara Izaya from here and find out as much as possible about him. If you see the need you can also secretly go down and search in his apartment for information. That´s what the entrance is for.", sliding his hand into one of the pockets he drew a mobile phone and handed it Shizuo.

"Here, with this I will communicate with you. I will call you the day after tomorrow. I hope you have some information for me then…", he grinned.

Shizuo looked at the phone he gave him, sighed and placed it onto the table.

"Got it…" he let himself slump onto the couch.

"Well then, excuse me I have to go now.", the stranger made his way out.

"Wait.", Shizuo said and the man stopped.

"Is there something else to discuss…?"

"Sure as hell, I don´t even know your name.", Shizuo stated annoyed.

"Ah, I am terribly sorry, I forgot. You may call me Arizawa. Well then, I am looking forward to working with you.", the man grinned and made his way out.

Shizuo grumbled a "fuck off already" and leaned back on the couch.

What a strange bastard… Well, but he pays me, so I guess I shouldn´t call him a bastard…

Suddenly his phone rang-his own, not the one he got just now he realized, and picked up. Tom was the one calling.

"Tom-san? What do you want?", he asked leaning back on the couch again.

-Hey, Shizuo, um I just got a call from my boss. I won´t be here the following week. I just called to tell you that.

"Ah, okay."

-And… - Shizuo heard him clear his throath- ...what happened to that guy…?

Shizuo sighed.

"Well, I took the job."

He could almost imagine the surprised face Tom must be making right now.

-Wha- for real?

"Well, yeah… he pays me a shitload of money and I get to live in a nice apartment for free, in exchange I just have to watch that bastard Izaya a bit… But I don´t think I will be doing this for long, maybe for one or two days and then I will quit."

-Why? Doesn´t sound that bad to me.

"Yeah, but he kinda creeps me out… and we are still talking about fucking Izaya here- I am not too fond of watching him anyway."

-Okay, it´s your decision.

Suddenly he heard noises from the other side of the phone.

-What the hell, you talking with Heiwajima Shizuo?! You have balls!

-Yeah right he is such a monster!

Shizuo flinched at that comment.

-So scary~, a woman added giggling.

Shizuop gritted his teeth in annoyance.

Shitty bastards, talking shit about me behind my back.

-Oi, shut up you bricks...! Well then, Shizuo? I have to hang up now, bye.

"Sure, bye..."

Shizuo sighed.

A monster …ka? He laid down on the couch and stared at the cycling.

Well... he couldn´t even blame them. Even he thought that way. It´s not as if he was acting like a normal human being. Throwing stop signs and vending machines… he sure as hell deserved that title.

After all… he really was a monster…

-Flashback-

Slowely Shizuo opened his eyes.

Where am I?

Greenish curtains surrounded him and he laid on some kind of bed- his arm was connected to some annoying machine, beeping the whole time. Then it dawned on him.

He was in a hospital.

Oh right... now that he thought about it, he had been at school… then that stupid classmate of his dared to call him names… and he snapped. Curious he looked at his body.

One broken leg and arm. Well, that wasn´t so bad, last time it was worse. Maybe his body got stronger from all the strain…?

Suddenly he heard noises. The curtains were closed, but he could see the siluettes of two nurses chattering in the door frame.

"Is that him?" one of them whispered.

"Yeah, that´the one! Just imagine, he grabbed the table of the teacher and threw it at one of his classmates!"

Ah, they are talking about me… Shizuo realized and continued listening.

"That´s impossible! He is .. what? Like 8 years old?"

"It´s true, he is a real monster, just a week before he was also here, he threw a vending machine at his own brother!"

"That´s horrible!"

"Yeah, even his parents are scared of him! Last time I accidentally overheard them and they were both calling him a monster and discussed whether to give him away or not!"

"For real?!"

"OI, I AM AWAKE YOU KNOW?!" Shizuo yelled. Suddenly the nurses went silent and quietly made their leave. Shizuo leaned back on his bed and looked out of a window beside him. He wasn´t really surprised or anything like that. He had heard his parents discuss this too… and not only once. It´s not as if he didn´t understand them. He was a monster.

He knew it already. Everyone was afraid of him. The kids at school didn´t talk to him anymore- called him -monster-

His mother-

He frowned sadly.

...

Why did everyone have to continuously remind him of the fact... the fact... that he was a monster...?

Angry he looked at the results of his last outburst.

He didn´t remember clearly, but he vividly recalled one of his classmated actually getting hit by the table he threw, and wondered.

...

Is he okay...?

Did he get hurt?

He frowned frustrated. He definitely was. All he could ever do was hurt.

Because he was a monster.

A damn monster.

-Flashback end-

-Shizuo´s apartment. Shizuo´s point of view.-

"Damn…." Shizuo brushed through his hair and yawned.

"When did I fall asleep?" He looked at the clock. Almost 8:30 pm. Sighing he got up from the couch and moved to the spy.

Time to look what the flea is up to.

Carefully he rolled away the carpet and looked for the first time into Izaya´s apartment.

Shizuo frowned instantly as he spotted the hated informant on his favourite wheel chair-talking with someone on the phone. His secretary Namie was also there. Shizuo met her once, not quite the politest woman he knew.

She sat on the couch and browsed seemingly annoyed through a huge pile of files. Shizuo knew that she wasn´t on good terms with the flea. Quite the opposite. She hated him too, whihc made her kinda symphathetic.

Suddenly Izaya moved. He had finished his talk on the phone and went up to his secretary to sit down on the couch beside her.

"What´s wrong, having trouble finding the file~?", he asked with a smirk on his face. Namie glared at him.

"A bit…", she spat with tight pressed lips.

"Ehh~ Really~? You said you would finish by today?" Izaya teased, crossing his legs and leaning his head on his palm.

"Well I didn´t know you would give me a fucking mountain of paperwork to look through!" the secretary snapped and stood up.

"Now there, calm down Namie-chan, come on, continue working… except you would like not to get paid today…?" he smirked as Namie glared at him and sat down again.

"That´s the way I like it~"

"Shut your trap. Next time tell me to come earlier when you have that much work piled up for me…" Izaya giggled, but to Shizuo´s surprise actually did as she said and drew away. He focused his attention on his strange game board instead.

Shizuo looked at Namie. He felt bad for her, to be working under the flea must be humilitating… If he was in her position, he would have ripped off the flea´s head the moment he opened his mouth.

He focused on Izaya again. What the hell was he even doing? That game he was staring at didn´t make sense at all.

"Nee, Namie, make me some tea?~", he pouted.

"Go make it yourself."

"Ehh~ Don´t wanna, you do it."

That fucking childish behaviour, Shizuo hated it, couldn´t he act more normally…?!

"Can´t you go and get on the nerves of someone other than me? How about that monster Heiwajima?" Shizuo glared at her for that comment.

"Go play with him till I finish."

Stop putting strange ideas in the fleas head.

"Don´t wanna~" Shizuo sighed. At least he didn´t take her up on that offer…

"What, you scared?" Shizuo snorted.

Of course he is a fucking scared of me, everyone he knew was- Surprised Shizuo stopped as his sight fell on Izaya again.

Before his face went expressionless at the question, but now he was- laughing?

Yeah, damn straight, Izaya was laughing.

He was laughing so hard he had to hold his stomach.

"Wh-what?", Namie asked staggered, not only Shizuo was startled by that reaction.

"That was a good one Namie! ME scared of Shizu-chan, you are really funny." he chuckled.

"I was serious, who the hell wouldn´t be scared of him? Even if you think of yourself like a god, I bet even you are afraid of him! No matter how you look at him, he is a fucking monster." Shizuo clenched his fists angry.

Yeah, yeah, sure, I am a monster I got it already … But still, the way she talked about him got on his nerves. He didn´t even do anything to her personally, yet she goes and talks about him like that.

Pisses me off… He already knew, he didn´t need everyone to remind him again and again... He knew his parents were afraid of him, he knew all the people in Ikebukuro were afraid of him. Hell, even his own brother was scared!

And now that bastard was laughing- pissed him off as well. Annoyed he clenched his fists-

"I don´t think he is a monster." and unclenched them again.

Puzzled Shizuo looked at Izaya.

What did he say…? But he soon got his posture back and sighed.

Yeah sure, he is gonna say something like I am a protozoan or shit like that…

"He is not? Well, then how would you describe him?", Namie raised an eyebrow with a questioning expression.

"He isn´t a monster-" Izaya started-

See? Now it comes.

"-He is just a normal human being who is unnaturally strong due to his brain limiters not being there... That´s all there is to it."

...

Huh…?

Dumbfounded Shizuo looked at the flea.

Did- did he really just call him a normal human being?!

That was in fact the greatest surprise he ever had.

"Talking it sweet like that, what human throws vending machines after you? Aren´t you scared of him?"

"I am not scared of him"

… Completely caught off guard Shizuo watched the flea in disbelieve.

He isn´t scared of me?

That´s impossible!

I say I want to kill him and try it every day! I always throw all kinds of things after him and yet…

Shizuos mind was blank for a moment. He didn´t get it at all. Was he really not scared of him?

Suddenly Namie began to laugh.

"Ha! I don´t believe you, if you aren´t scared, then why are you always running away from him?"

Curious Shizuo eyed Izaya.

"Because it´s fun~." Shizuo somehow kinda smiled at that comment.

That sounds like Izaya…

"I don´t believe you."

"Oi, oi, now there listen Namie, if I really were scared of Shizu-chan, than I would know many ways to not let him know where I am and accidentally run into him. You should know that as a fact."

"So you are really not scared…?" She eyed him curious.

"… I always knew you were a crazy bastard, but to that degree…", she sighed.

"Haha, oi Namie, that hurts…~" Izaya playfully grabbed his shirt where his heart was supposed to be and tried to act theatrically. He stood up and grabbed his coat.

"Well, but I think I will take you up on that offer from before... When I am back from teasing Shizu-chan I expect you to have finished…" he said as he got out of the door.

"Ha?! What?! Oi Izaya! When are you coming back?! OI!"

Shizuo still sat on the floor above Izaya´s apartment and thought about what he heard right now. He still couldn´t really believe it. No matter who he thought of, he knew everyone was scared of him.

Shinra, even if he hated to admit it was scared of him. He remembers that time all to good, when he accidentally snapped at him. In his eyes was fear.

And Celty, well he didn´t really knew about her, but she didn´t count. They were roughly the same.

And his brother… the hell, even his mother, father, Kadota.. and all the others, he knew they were afraid. Afraid that Shizuo would hurt them. Intending it or not. So why?

Why isn´t he scared?

He didn´t get it. The one he always chases, the only one he ever threatens to kill… was the one that wasn´t scared…?!

Was he really...?

Slowly he got up, as he remembered the flea saying he was going to play with him.

He grabbed his coat and went outside. Of course he made sure not be seen while doing so. After all, Izaya shouldn´t know, that he was living right above him.

-Outside. Shizuo point of view-

"Tschi-!" Shizuo sneezed. It was fucking cold. Where was that stupid flea? It´s been two hours already! Not that he was freezing, Shizuo always kinda had a warmer body temperature than others, but he was tired of waiting. He decided to take a walk so that he wouldn´t be that bored.

He also tried to get that talk from earlier out of his head, but somehow the fact that only Izaya wasn´t scared of him bugged him way more than he actually liked to admit…

Up until now Shizuo did actually think that the flea was actually scared and just hid it behind his mask, but… why should he lie now?

Deep in thoughts he dragged his feet along an alley, when he heard a noise. Looking for it´s source he found another alley, in which two figures seemed to have an argument. Only as he went closer he realized, that it was actually Izaya and another man standing there.

So he went for a secret meeting instead of searching for me…

Curious he eyed the both of them. They were talking about something, however he couldn´t quite understand, what it was about. Being given the fact, that it was some risky deal, he probably didn´t want to know either way...

They seemed to have come to a conclusion, because suddenly the man took off and left Izaya behind. The raven turned the other way round and moved in Shizuo´s direction. Fast he hid in the shadows, as the flea passed by.

What was that about?

He scratched his head, and followed the flea. Curious he eyed Izaya. The raven was walking leisurely a few meters ahead, jumping and spinning around as the weirdo he was. Shizuo watched him with curiosity.

He remembered his words again.

(I am not scared… If I really were scared of Shizu-chan than I would know many ways to not let him know where I am…)

He took one of his cancer sticks and closed up to the flea. No matter how you looked at it, he didn´t seem to know Shizuo was following him.

Knowing when we meet my ass… just cause it´s fun huh?

Somehow his words pissed him off- there was no way Izaya would not be scared of him- and he grabbed a stop sign, conveniently standing besides him.

The fuck you saying…?!

"Izayaaaaaa-kun!", he yelled and the flea jumped around in surprise. He really wasn´t aware off being followed by the blond up to that point.

Swiftly he jumped to the right and avoided crashing together with the sign Shizuo had thrown at him.

"Ara Shizu-chan, so we meet twice today, did you miss me that much~?" Izaya laughed and pulled out his flick blade to point it at his nemesis.

"Who would miss you?! I am going to kill you now!", he dashed in the flea´s direction. However Izaya swiftly leapt into an alleyway and so they began their typical chase anew...

-After the fight. Shizuo standing outside. Shizuo´s point of view.-

He got away… again…

Shizuo was leaning against a wall as he smoked a cigarette. It was already dark and only a light pole a few meters away was lighting up the street.

Shizuo flinched as suddenly something wet touched his nose. He looked up and realized, that it was beginning to rain. Slowly he backed away from the wall and walked down the street.

I am not scared.

He didn´t get his statement out of his head. Just like the flea itself it was bugging him the whole time. Earlier when he encountered him again and they took out their usual fight- Shizuo watched him closely. And Izaya said the truth.

No matter how unbelievable it soudned, he wasn´t lying.

Not once during their fight did he show fear on his face. Sure, he looked surprised when Shizuo first called out to him… but not scared… he really…

He really isn´t scared of me…

Somehow Shizuo felt light-headed, sure it was the fucking flea, but hey he wasn´t scared of him, he was like the first person to ever say that. A little smile crept over Shizuo´s face.

"Crazy flea…"

The sound of his phone ringing cut off his thoughts. He picked up.

Shizuo: Yeah.

Tom: Ah, hey, sorry that I bug you again, I just wanted to tell you, that my trip has been prolonged and I won´t be here for two weeks instead of one.

Shizuo: Two weeks?

Tom: Yeah, go on vacation on something, you deserve it anyway, well then-

Shizuo: Wait.

Tom: Yeah?

Shizuo brushed through his hair.

Shizuo: Say, am I scary?

Silence. Suddenly a little giggle was being heard over the phone.

Shizuo: Tom-san?

Tom: Ah, sorry, I kinda found it funny you asked that, I mean, you are beating up people every day and the whole city fears you for your strength. Of course you´re one scary man.

Shizuo: Is that so…

Tom: Ah, I have to hang up now, cha.

Shizuo shoved his phone back into his pocket. Somehow the light headedness from before had disappeared. He scratched his head. Well, he could have predicted that answer… Slowly he went on in the direction of his apartment.

"Oi you, bartender! What´cha doing here?!". Curious to see who called out to him Shizuo turned around, only to see some punks approaching him…

3o´clock in the morning. Shizuos apartment. Shizuo point of view.

"SHIT!", angry he slammed the door to his apartment shut and let himself slump into the couch.

"These damn bastards..!" he hissed.

He had encountered a few punks before, they were just out for a fight. They wanted to beat him up- thinking he was just some easy victim...

But that wasn´t what made Shizuo so angry. It was that look! When Shizuo turned around they immediately realized, that it was "Shizuo Heiwajima- the fortissimo of Ikebukuro" standing before them and they put on that look again.

That fucking look everyone gave him…!

That "this monster is going to kill me" scared look. What the hell?! He hasn´t killed anyone in his life so far!

Fucking bastards, don´t look at me like that…!

He hated it. That look. He wasn´t a bad person, he didn´t even like violence, he only beat up bad guys and yet. They give him that look, he just kinda snaps. It makes him even more angry, than the flea ever could.

Come to think of it, the flea never looked at him like that. Shizuo sighed and remembered jsut what he discovered today.

Even though he hated to admit it, it kinda calmed him down a bit.

...

Until now he thought, Izaya only had bad characteristics, but he had to admit, that aspect that he.. wasn´t afraid of him... kinda gave him a positive point.

Speaking of the flea...

He got up as he remembered the reason for him being in this apartment and looked a second time down through the spy.

Izaya was still in the living room and seemed to have nodded of on the couch.

He looked peaceful.

"I am not scared of him."

A little smile appeared on his face. The flea could say some nice things, when Shizuo wasn´t there… compared to the shit he talks when he was around.

Shizuo backed away and decided to finally go to bed.

It´s been a tiring day…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww, Shizuo kinda took a liking to the flea~  
> Well, what do you think? :3 Just to mention, english is not my native language, so if you find any grammar or spelling mistakes please don´t hate me too much. I know, this chapter probably wasn´t a mind blowing one, but it´s just the beginning. I promise the next one is gonna be sweeter. ~ :3


	2. E-mail and a sick flea

-Shizuo´s bedroom. Shizuo´s point of view.-

Shizuo squinted his eyes begrudgingly. A ray of light had sneaked its way through a gap between the curtains, blinding the former bartender in the process.

Annoyed by the unnecessary wake up-call he turned around sleepy- intending to continue his slumber- only until his sight fell onto the clock beside his bed though.

Surprised he shot up.

"Woah, it´s already noon?! Tom-san is…", suddenly he paused.

Ah, right, Tom-san was away for two weeks. He didn´t have one of his usual appointments with him today. He snorted and let himself slump back into bed again.

His new job- was watching the flea.

...

Why did he take that job again? Oh yeah, because of that rich ass bastard, his shitload of money and not wanting to lose his temper that time…

Yawning he peeled himself out of bed and went to the living room. Another short glance at the clock there told him the exact time.

3 pm.

He smiled.

Well, let´s see what that non-afraid louse is up to today.

Already expecting to spot the young informant on his wheelchair again he went to the living room´s spy. To his utmost surprise however, there was noone there.

No Izaya, no sectretary.

Maybe he is out doing his job or some of his beloved human observation…

Observing... well Shizuo was practically doing the same right now. If he remembered correctly that guy, what was his name…? Right … Arizawa. He wanted to get some information on Izaya by tomorrow. The thought made him frown.

Somehow the idea of telling that bastard something about Izaya didn´t quite sit well with him anymore.

Suddenly his sight fell on that certain spot on the carpet, under which the entrance to the flea´s apartment was hidden.

An idea formed in his head.

Actually… Since Izaya wasn´t there he could go down and look through his stuff...

He smirked, he wasn´t too sure if he would tell Arizawa if he found something, or to be precise he didn´t really think he would. But no matter what, digging up some secret fand being able to annoy the flea for once instead of the other way round sure was tempting. Shizuo grinned.

The raven might have gotten a bit more likable for not being afraid of him, but he still got on his nerves.

Time for payback.

The smile grew broader as he imagined actually finding something and making the flea do as he says so that he doesn´t reveal it.

With new found enthusiasm he got up and opened the entrance. A small ladder was attached to it so he could climb down. Curious he sneaked into the flea´s apartment and looked around.

A shitload of files, a turned on computer, envelopes- he surely would find something in here…

-7 pm. Izaya´s apartment. Shizuo´s point of view.-

He. found. nothing.

Absolutely, nothing.

After reading every file, browsing trough every computer data and checking all envelopes, he still didn´t find anything at all he could actually use against the flea. No hidden secret, no information, no so-called „weakness" as Arizawa would put it.

Simply nothing.

Shizuo let himself drop on the flea´s couch. That Arizawa guy sure was optimistic, believing he could dig up some information on Izaya by tomorrow.

Even though he hated to admit it, Izaya was cautious, even if he had some kind of weakness, one would not find it by simply searching in his apartment…

The flea was secretive.

He glanced at the table.

Just like that game.

Normally one would think the game characters where just randomly placed there by some kid and dismiss it, but in reality Izaya used all of those to play a certain game. However except him nobody seemed to know, what rules he was actually playing by.

Curious he eyed the board. Chess pieces, Shogi stones, poker cards… all kinds of devices were neatly positioned on the field. He picked up the king from chess and looked at it thoughtful.

As far as he knew this game had something to do with Izaya´s hobby of observing people. He knew at least that much about the flea.

He took another glance at the spacious apartment. He wouldn´t want to really live here… All alone in an apartment this huge… Somehow it gave off a cold feeling. But not only because of the size of the amartment.

Except the things Izaya probably needed for his work there was nothing in here that would imply him doing anything other than that. His apartment only seemed to serve as a working and sleeping place.

Now that he thought of it…

Outside on the streets of Ikebukuro it was the same, Izaya was always either doing his job or occasionally fighting with him… but nothing else.

Except observing humans of course…

What´s so interesting about „observing" humans anyway…?

Shizuo leaned back.

Only watching, and never actually being involved with others… somehow that sounded kind of…

lonely…

A sudden noise startled Shizuo, as he heard something at the front door. Hasty he got up and quickly leapt back into his own apartment.

Just in time. The moment he closed the entrance Izaya went into the room.

Shizuo watched him anxious through the spy.

Damn, that was close...

Izaya didn´t seem to have noticed that someone had been in his apartment.

"Haha, sounds like Shizu-chan…", Shizuo flinched, as he heard the flea mention his name, but then he realized relieved, that Izaya was talking with someone on the phone. For a moment there he thought Izaya had actually discovered Shizuo spying on him.

"Yeah, but I met him twice yesterday.", Shizuo rose his eyebrows.

Is he talking about me…?

"No, he is as weird as ever~."

Shizuo glared at him. You…! Who is the weird one between us…?!

"How about the deal~?" Concerned he looked at the flea. He was betting Izaya was doing some stupid things again…

"Haha, that´s rare coming from you Shiki-san~"

Shiki, so that´s the guy he was talking to. He heard that name before… the flea was doing risky stuff again…

A sudden *pling* coming from the computer caught both their attention.

Shizuo cursed himself noticing that he actually forgot to check the flea´s mails.

Well, maybe another time…

Still holding his phone Izaya went up to his computer and sat down on his wheel chair. The monitor was slightly turned around so Shizuo could actually see what the flea was doing.

"So why don´t you simply accept~?" the raven questioned Shiki.

He clicked on the new e-mail, when suddenly the screen turned black and a few letters painted in red appeared on it.

"Tonight we will come and kill you Orihara Izaya…" was written there with gruesome letters.

Surprised Shizuo eyed the message.

Heh… you got a threating e-mail, what´cha gonna do now flea …?

Shizuo raised his eyebrows and watched Izaya, longing to see what kind of face he would make, realizing his shit came haunting him back.

However to Shizuo´s surprise Izaya didn´t even bat an eyelid and just- deleted it.

The fuck…?!

„Ah, sorry didn´t listen just now. Well, let´s discuss his tomorrow ne~?" seemingly not troubled at all by the threatening mail he carefree continued his talk on the phone.

Oi, oi are you just gonna ignore that?!

However Izaya seemed to be exactly what Izaya intended to do. He hung up his phone, sat down on his chair and continued doing his work as if nothing happened at all.

Shizuo watched him confused. Didn´t he take the threatening mail seriously, or why did he seem not to care at all?

He really has got some nerves…

Shizuo sighed and moved away from the spy.

Well, either way it was Izaya´s problem. As if he would care if something happened to the flea when he was being that careless…

He looked at the clock.

It was already 9 pm and he got no information on the flea at all … he scratched his head. Tomorrow when that Ayuzawa guy was going to call him he could tell him absolutely nothing about Izaya…

Ma… doesn´t matter either way. I told him he had no weakness…

He paused a moment.

Besides... even if he did find something... he had the feeling he wouldn´t tell the guy either way- Izaya was his enemy, he would tell that bastard tomorrow that he should just fuck off.

Shizuo sighed and drew a cigarette out of his pocket.

If the flea is still alive tomorrow that is…

In thoughts he blew the smoke into the air.

…What… if someone really killed him tonight…?

…

Not that he cared…

The flea would be better off dead anyway.

-2 am. Shizuo´s apartment. Shizuo´s point of view.-

…

He couldn´t sleep.

…

He couldn´t sleep at all!

It was fucking 2 am, and he was lying in bed wary listening to every suspicious sound coming from the flea´s apartment...!

"Damn flea…", he grunted and got out of bed.

Quietly he moved to the spy, viewing Izaya´s bedroom, and looked down the maybe 100th time now, where he saw the flea´s figure curled up around his cushion, sleeping peacefully just as before.

He scratched his head.

"Dammit…"

He could care less if someone came and got rid of his nemesis.

He hated him.

He wanted to see him dead.

…

Sighing he sat back on his bed, leaned on the wall and faced the ceiling.

Well, probably not really dead…

Since he knew the flea wasn´t scared of him, his anger somehow seemed to have faded away a bit… but still! He definitely got on his nerves. But somehow…

It bothered him…

To wake up and realize the flea was- dead… that thought somehow bothered him... more than he would like to admit.

Before, he probably would have thought nothing of it, hell, he would have killed the flea himself if he had the chance to! Well, or not... who was he kidding he wasn´t a fucking cold blooded murderer. But now… for some reason he changed his mind.

Deep in thoughts Shizuo looked at the ceiling.

Not that he cared, just… it would be strange to suddenly not have the flea around anymore… Not seeing that smirky grin, or hearing his annoying taunts...

After all quite a fair part of his daily routine consisted of fighting Izaya… or chasing him through Ikebukuro…

Now that he actually put some thought to it, it would be kinda weird if that suddenly stopped…

And also... the fact that he was most likely the only person on this planet who knew about his strength and actually wasn´t afraid of him… somehow changed his opinion of the flea a bit.

Not that that he cared about that or anything...

He got up sighing, took one of his cushions and put it down besides the spy.

He couldn´t sleep anyway, so why keep trying?

The flea wouldn´t die tonight- he would make sure of that.

He made himself comfortable and watched the sleeping Izaya.

-8 am. Shizuo´s apartment. Shizuo´s point of view.-

Nothing. happened. at. all.

Annoyed Shizuo grabbed a smoke. The e-mail seemed to have been a fake… He must have known that! That damn flea…

He yawned but he still didn´t move away from the spy.

I could have slept the whole night…

Shizuo cursed himself for acting so stupid in the first place and looked down at the still peaceful sleeping Izaya.

But he sure is sleeping weird.

Over the night Shizuo had seen, how the flea constantly rolled around in his sleep. By now he was lying vertically on his bed with the sheet dropped on the floor, only clinging to one cushion and he still wasn´t finished moving.

Again he began to trash around in his sleep. Maybe he has a nightmare…? Shizuo thought to himself, when suddenly the flea moved alarmingly close to the edge of the bed… and dropped ungraceful with a loud bump to the floor.

"Pfff…", Shizuo had to hold back his laughter at that sight.

Now he is probably awake.

Yawning and holding his head Izaya got up covered half with the sheets he had dropped to the floor. Still clinging to his cushion he looked around. Amused Shizuo watched the tipsy informant.

With half closed eyes he stood up and made his way to the kitchen. Shizuo eyed him amused as he stumbled over the sheets on the floor and crashed straight into the door.

The blond smirked.

Well, now he was awake.

Enjoying the scene Shizuo watched the flea, as he got up again and this time actually managed to get out of his room.

Well that was interesting, obviously Izaya seemed to be a total crash pilot in the morning. That was new. He threw away his cigarette. He figured he would have to stick close to the flea if he really wanted to find out something interesting about him… maybe he would actually discover a weakness…?

Shizuo grinned. Somehow his job had gotten much more interesting.

Suddenly the door to the fleas bedroom flew open and Izaya stormed in. He was eating one bread, while talking on the phone and getting clothes from the drawyer. He seemed to be in kind of a hurry.

"Yeah yeah, give me a few minutes, will ya?" Izaya stated visibly annoyed.

Shizuo realized he was going to go out and quickly got his own clothes.

Today he was planning to follow the flea, no matter where he was going…

Outside on the streets of Ikebukuro. Shizuo point of view.

It was really quiet. Normally he would have expected to hear a lot of traffic noise and talking of people when he stepped out on the streets of Ikebukuro, but this time it was different. It was still early, and as Shizuo usually got up pretty late he didn´t know how peacefull his city could actually be in the morning.

Cautious not to be discovered he followed the flea who was wandering around, talking to all sorts of people and sticking his nose into their business.

His eyes followed the raven curious as he went into an alley which he knew was a dead end.

He is probably making some risky transactions there… he bet.

He glanced into the alley. It really was a dead end and just as he imagined he was talking to some yakuza-looking guy.

Shizuo leaned tired onto a wall and drew out one of his cigaretts. Staying up the whole night was kinda wearing him out.

He blew the smoke into the morning air.

But he really was surprised at the amount of people the flea knew. Of course, Izaya was an information broker, Shizuo kinda figured he would know quite a lot of people, but that many? Since they got out of Izaya´s apartment he met a crazy amount of people and that louse seemed to know everyone. Which certainly didn´t always apply to the others.

Shizuo had to admit, even though he disliked what the flea was doing as an information broker, he had to accept that he was damn good at it. You sure had to have some kind of talent to actually remember and recall so many details about every person.

In general Izaya seemed to have a rather good memorizing ability. When Shizuo searched for some information on Izaya´s computer he didn´t find anything at all. Nothing about the flea, but also no trace of any data he was digging up on other people. So basically the flea must have memorized this huge amount of information on his own.

Certainly to prevent anyone from stealing the info from him.

Suddenly Shizuo saw Izaya coming out of the alley again. The flea seemed to have finished his appointment because seconds later the other guy too came out of it and quickly disappeared in the now slowely forming crowd.

However Shizuo had to hurry, as Izaya was already moving on. In contrast to before he now spoke to none of the people on the street. Actually he seemed to be avoiding any unnessecary confrontations.

Maybe he was in a hurry?

They were now in a rather quiet and secluded part of Ikebukuro. In this territory people were living in houses instead of apartments. Just like Shizuo had when he was young.

He looked at the flea.

What about him?

Suddenly he realized, that he actually knew nothing about the flea´s life. Well, he had his two devious sisters Mairu and Kururi, but that´s all he knew about him. They had been enemys for so long, and he was sure Izaya knew everything there was to know about his life, but he on the other hand...

Izaya was kind of a closed book. Now that he thought about it, who would know something about his past? His sisters probably and his parents… wait, did he even have parents?

He didn´t remember meeting any Mr. or Mrs. Orihara back in his school days…

Apruptly he stopped in his tracks as he realized that the flea had stopped as well. He now was standing in front of an old run down house and rung the bell.

Shizuo eyed it curious, who could live here?

The facade had already started crumbling and the windows were smeared. The garden… could you even call this a garden anymore…? What kind of people lived here?

His thoughts were apruptly cut off, when a sudden scream coming from Izaya caught his immediate attention. A giant dog had suddenly jumped against the fence and barked furiously at the flea. Completely caught off guard Izaya jumped backwards and fell to the ground.

Completely disshelved he laid on the street glaring at the dog.

Shizuo couldn´t help it, he just had to laugh when he saw the look on Izaya´s face. Even he, after long years of fighting hadn´t been able to make the flea react in such a way.

Of course Izaya now noticed the blond standing only a few meters away.

"Sh-Shizu-chan?!", he mumbled surprised.

"What the hell flea, you that scared of dogs?" Shizuo smiled amused and approached the flea. His cover was blown either way, so why not take advantage of the situation and annoy the flea for once?

"I-I was just surprised! Wh-what are you even doing here?!" Izaya asked with a high pitched voice. A slight blush was spread across his face and he was glaring at him from below.

He obviously was embarassed to have been seen by the blonde, when he was acting so much out of character…

"I am just walking around. Can´t I?", he asked the flea with a grin on his face.

Oh how he loved being the one to annoy the flea for once.

"Tch-", the flea got up again and glared at the bartender. He looked ready to throw a few insults or one of his usual statements at Shizuo, when suddenly the door to the house opened and an old man came out of it. Izaya glanced at him, then back to Shizuo.

"... let´s save this for later, Shizu-chan~.", with that he took off and left Shizuo on the street.

Rather suprised Shizuo watched the raven disappear into the house.

Whoah... Izaya Orihara just walking off on him like that? That old geezer must be fairly important for the flea.

"..Whatever.", Shizuo sighed and decided to go down the street. For now he would have to stay away a bit from the flea anyway as he was surely more cautious now…

He just reached the end of the road, when he suddenly heard a familiar noise. It was the roaring of the headless riders motorcycle.

In other words, Celty.

Just that instant she drove around the corner. She stopped and got of her motorbike, as she saw Shizuo standing on the street. Quickly she typed on her PDA.

(Good morning Shizuo, it´s rare to see you around this early.)

"Yeah. Are you always up that early?", he asked. Celty nodded and looked around.

(Where is Tom-san?) she typed.

"Ah, no. Tom-san´s away for two weeks, I am on a different job now."

Apparent interested Celty went on typing on her PDA.

(A new job? What are you doing?) Shizuo twitched at that question.

Observing the flea... he couldn´t quite tell her that, right? He guessed he was supposed to do this in all discreetness...

"Ah, it´s kind of… a secret... sorry.", he wormed his way out of it. Celty typed again.

(Is it dangerous?) She seemed concerned.

"Ah, no don´t worry, it´s just I am not allowed to talk about it."

(… Do you like that job?)

Shizuo looked surprised at the question. Did he like the job? Well, he was kinda pissed off at just the idea of observing the flea before. But somehow it wasn´t that bad anymore. After all he got to know that louse a bit better.

He rememberd the flea´s embarrassed face when he realized Shizuo had seen him, acting all out of character. Totally flustered and blushing.

He chuckled.

Seriously, who actually thought the flea could look this cute?!

…

Wait…

Shocked he stopped in his thoughts…

Did he just really….?!

What the hell?! Cute?

How the hell could he think that bastard was cute?! He was a guy… no forget that, but it was fucking Izaya!

Orihara Izaya.

His fucking enemy!

The one human that annoyed him enough to fall into complete rage when he saw him.

The one he had been fighting and trying to kill for years!

That man that always got him into trouble!

That Orihara Izaya!

Suddenly he realized he hadn´t been replying to Celty, who was now waving her PDA right in front of his face.

(Shizuo? Is something wrong?) He didn´t know. He was still shocked by what he thought.

There must be something wrong with his brain.

"Oi, Celty."

(What is it?)

"Can you do me a favour? Hit me real hard, with a brick, on the backside of my head."

(Huh? Why should I do that?!) Celty typed confused on her PDA.

"No reason."

He rested his head in his hands.

Tired. He must be realllly tired. Of course, he stayed up the whole night, he wasn´t in his usual mental stable condition. That´s it. He was just tired.

There is no way he would think something as bizarre as the flea being cute, on a normal day.

(Are you okay? Has it got something to do with that job?! Do you need help?! ) Shizuo realized he had gotten her worried now. He sighed.

"Ah, don´t worry, it´s nothing, I just remembered something, that´s all."

(…you sure?)

"Yeah." He smiled at her. Relieved he noticed she had calmed down.

(Okay. But do tell me if you have a problem.)

Shizuo smiled.

"Sure."

After that Celty inserted her PDA back into her pocket, waved at him shortly and drove off.

Shizuo looked after her, still rather confused by his own thoughts.

Cute...

How the hell did he get that idea?!

There was definitely somethign wrong with him.

Defninitely-

Suddenly he noticed some movement in front of the run down house. Izaya came out of it.

The flea seemed to have forgotten about Shizuo. Instead he was talking on his phone and walking off again. Since Izaya didn´t seem to be any more cautious than before Shizuo decided to take the risk and follow him again.

Probably he would see some cute reaction again. He smiled, but dropped his smile immediately.

Interesting. He meant interesting. Definitely not cute. That was a mistake of his. He was tired and probably just mistook the words. That had to be it. There was no way he could have actually thought the flea was… cute…

He shook his head.

Just look at him…

He eyed the flea, walking in front of him…

Sure he didn´t look that bad, he had a slender figure and he knew there were some girls that actually liked the flea … but he was not cute.

Maybe interesting, but not cute.

He was definitely not cute.

He was-

...

Wait…

...

Did he imagine it, or was he really swaying?

Izaya was walking quite a few meters before him. Worried he looked closer.

…

He was!

Only slightly, but he was definitely swaying a bit while walking! Concerned he glanced at the flea. Now that he was watching him more closely he noticed that Izaya was also coughing a bit from time to time.

Uneasy he followed him. It was getting cold, and when he was already coughing and swaying he must be getting sick… he looked at his watch. How long was he going to stay outside anyway?

However Izaya didn´t show any intention of going home. Instead he just went to his appointments. One after another. Ignoring the fact that he was beginning to sway even more as time moved on.

Anxious Shizuo observed the flea. Was his work that important, that he had to do it even when he was unwell or did he just not care about his health at all? Either way the flea didn´t stop. He continued doing his job, as Shizuo continued following him.

Time flew by and it had been about an hour since Shizuo had noticed the flea´s state. And he still didn´t show any hint of intending to go home soon.

That was when it began to rain.

"For real now?" Shizuo stated annoyed, his head tilted upwards to look at the pouring sky. Dark clouds were covering it and not showing any intention of dissapearing in the near future. Shizuo dedictated his attention back at Izaya.

He was still walking. Shizuo stopped and leaned close to the wall of a cafe when Izaya turned in yet another dead end alleyway. He sighed. The eaves of the cafe were rather small and only protected the debt collector slightly from the rain.

He was getting soaked.

Suddenly a man stood besides him, talking with someone on his mobile phone. He seemed to be waiting for somebody in front of the cafe. But that didn´t matter, somethign else caught Shizuo´s attention- he had an umbrella. Getting drenched by the rain wasn´t to Shizuo´s liking…so…

"Oi, you." He tipped the man on the shoulder.

"Would you mind-", but the man didn´t let him finish his sentence, instead he hasty backed away.

"You´re Heiwajima Shizuo!", he yelled. Annoyed Shizuo looked at the man.

…So he was one of those…

"Yeah, so what?!", he asked the guy, now kinda angry for being yelled at. However he didn´t get an answer, instead the man just took of and ran away as fast as he could.

Shizuo looked to the ground. He had lost his umbrella while running away… Angry he looked after the guy. He just wanted to ask him if he could take shelter under his umbrella for a while. Since he guessed the flea wouldn´t come out of the alley so soon. But no, he just had to put on that fucking scared face and yell at him for no reason…

Shizuo sighed. Why was he getting so agitated about that anyway? He should be used to it already. Silently Shizuo watched as the umbrella was slowely blown a bit away by the cold breeze. He went and picked it up before it could fly away further. At least he didn´t have to get drenched in the rain anymore…

...

Half an hour.

...

That was the time that went past, till the flea finally got out of the alley. His business partner was coming out with him. They went to a black limousine, and the client said a few words to the flea, before he drove off.

Shizuo looked after the car, as it speeded away. He kinda guessed, that the flea would go home now, since he was exposed to the rain. Till now he hadn´t gotten wet at all. The man from before had held an umbrella over Izaya while they were discussing whatever business they had. The flea was already getting sick and as smart as he was he definitely knew that.

But he guessed wrong.

The flea didn´t go home, instead he went on. Disbelieving Shizuo watched the flea, as he walked into the direct opposite direction of his apartment.

Without an umbrella- porpusely getting soaked from the rain.

Even now he is gonna continue doing his job?

He couldn´t believe it. Was he just plain stupid? He could get seriously sick walking around in the cold rain, as he already seemed to be coughing and swaying. He didn´t even have an umbrella for god´s sake!

Angry he stopped in his tracks and light himself a cigarette.

That idiot, he will freeze to death…

He looked at Izaya.

…

-Izaya´s point of view.-

Aha~ it was cold. Freezing Izaya grabbed his coat and wrapped himself a bit up in it. He loved his coat, it was really usefull at such times. Frowning he looked at his phone. He still had to meet 4 other clients today.

Tired he dragged his feet along the road. He wanted to go home. He had started coughing a few hours before, and now he was feeling really dizzy as well…

A sigh escaped his lips.

He had no time to get sick, a lot of his beloved humans were anxiously waiting for his information… he couldn´t let them down, ne~?

But still, before it had just been cold, but now it was also raining? He really wasn´t lucky today. Maybe he would run into Shizuo again. So he could prevent him from finishing his work quickly, that would be highlight of the day…

Like in the morning…

hH facepalmed at the memory.

God…

Why did that damn dog have to surprise him? He must have looked totally hillarious… leaping away from the pet like that. Shizuo even laughed at him…!

God, how embarrassing…

He sneezed. Fuck, he was freezing! Why did he even-

His thoughts were apruptly broken off, when suddenly something hard hit his head from behind. Pained he clutched his head where he had been hit while stumbling forward.

"What the hell?!", he groaned and looked around for anything that could have hit him so hard. He was more than staggered to realize that the object having hit his head, was an umbrella. Dumbfounded he looked at it.

Quickly he turned around. But nobody was there.

Who threw that…?

-Shizuo´s point of view.-

Why did I do that…?!

Confused Shizuo hid in the shadows. Izaya was still looking around, searching for the person who had thrown the umbrella.

Shizuo on the other hand didn´t quite understand his actions. Sure, he had come to terms with the fact, that he didn´t want the flea to die, since it would be strange for him not to be there anymore… He already accepted that.

BUT.

Getting drenched by the rain wouldn´t get the flea killed now, would it?!

So why the hell did he do, what he just did? He could care less if the flea was feeling cold or got sick. Yet his actions proved that he... cared about the flea…?!

He shook his head and grabbed one of his cigaretts.

Lack of sleep. Definitely. Something was wrong with his head today… he must be becoming disillusional because of sleep deprivation…

Only partly satisfied with his reasoning he came out of his hidding. But to his surprise the flea was no longer there.

Where did he go?

Anxious Shizuo searched for the flea. Without success. He had lost him.

Relieved he realized he had at least taken the umbrella with him.

Not that he cared…! Irritated by his own thoughts he sctratched his head and decided to go back to his apartment.

Even if he went on searching for the flea, he probably wouldn´t find him.

-10 pm. Shizuo´s apartment. Shizuo´s point of view-

Where is he…?!

Uneasy Shizuo looked at the clock. It was already 10 pm, and he still hadn´t gotten home. And to make it even worse, it was still pouring outside.

What is he doing staying out that long…? Did something happen…?

He frowned at that thought. Suddenly his phone rang, starteling him. Absentminded he picked up his phone, till he realized that it was the phone Arizawa gave him, that was ringing.

He was probably calling Shizuo for his information. Shizuo squinted his eyes.

That bastard wanted to kill Izaya.

...

He would quit that job. That he was sure off… but- Not now. As it was now Shizuo was staying in this apartment of his where he could watch the flea. And he wanted to wait till he got back.

Not that he was concerned or anything…

But if he told Arizawa now that he quit the job he would probably kick him out immediatly.

He leaned back on his couch and listened to the ringing phone. He would just let it ring. If he didn´t pick up he wouldn´t have to say anything…

Finally it stopped.

Good.

Now back to the flea. The possibility of something having happened to him didn´t leave Shizuos mind. What if he got into an accident? What if some gang members had caught him?

Somehow he felt uneasy.

Sure, it was almost impossible for the flea to be caught... but still.

What if the flea passed out on the street...?! He would be an easy prey…

If someone found him... they could do anyth-

That did it.

Shizuo had enough of waiting. He decided he would go out and search for the flea. He grabbed his coat, got an umbrella and opened the door, when suddenly a familiar sound made him dreeze in his motion.

„Yeah, maybe tomorrow, just give it a rest already…"

It was the Izaya´s voice. Quietly he went into the living room and looked down into his apartment. Relieved he realized, he was actually back. Talking on his phone as usual. Not hurt as far as he could see.

Shizuo sighed as relief washed over him.

However a sudden noise made his worry come back soon enough.

The flea was coughing and shaking violently. Worried he watched Izaya as he grabbed a blanket from his bedroom and curled himself up on the couch. Shizuo grunted annoyed as the flea took a few files from the table and looked them through.

Is he a workaholic? Shizuo thought annoyed.

However he didn´t look at them for a long time, because just a few moments later his eyes began to flutter and he drove off into his sleep.

Finally… Shizuo sighed. He watched Izaya as he slowely drifted down the couch until he laid streched out on it.

At least his body realizes when he is overdoing it…

Suddenly the flea´s desk caught Shizuos attention. There were some photos of Izaya and his sisters- he must have brought these with him. Curious Shizuo looked at the flea…

Actually the informant was out for good… and he had wondered about Izaya´s past before…

Besides tomorrow he probably would put these photos away again…

So…

As quiet as possible Shizuo opened the entrance to the flea´s room. Carefully to not make any noise, he sneaked into the flea´s apartment. Anxious he watched Izaya. The raven however he seemed to be out for good. Sloely he went over to Izaya´s desk. Two files filled with photos were lying there.

Curious he looked them through. He furrowed his eyebrow. Indeed, it were pictures of the flea and his two sisters… but…

They were all cut up.

Why?

Shizuo looked at the sleeping raven. Had he been the one cutting these up? His sisters? If so, why? He knew Izayas sisters always seemed to claim they hated their brother, but he had always thought they were kidding… were they not?

He went up to Izaya and looked at him up close. He was frowning. Slowely Shizuo streched out his hand to remove the bangs from his forehead. He paused. Did he only imagine it, or did the flea really have a fewer? Gently he leaned forward and put his forehead against Izaya´s.

…

He did have a slight fever!

"Shizu-chan…" Startled Shizuo jumped back, thinking he had woken the flea.

However that wasn´t the case. Relieved he realized the flea was talking in his sleep. Surprised he eyed the raven.

Did he dream about him? A strange feeling welled up, as Shizuo looked at the flea.

What is he-

"Shizu-chan, you know…", the flea started mumbling again. Eager Shizuo listened to his words as he watched him. The flea turned around and finished his sentence.

"… you´re stupid."

And there the feeling went away, while being stomped at all over…

You little…!

He sighed. He was to relieved to be angry. When the flea could talk like that, he was somehow okay… He pulled the blanket over Izaya. He had again removed it from his body. The same way he did this morning, Shizuo remembered.

It would be better for him to sleep in a bed, than on the couch, Shizuo thought to himself.

For a minute he hesitated. But then he made up his mind.

The flea was out cold anyway…

Slowely he placed an arm underneath the raven´s legs and another behind his back. He lifted him from the couch and carefully carried him into his bedroom. He was even lighter than he had expected. Surprised Shizuo stopped in his tracks, as he realized, that the flea was actually cuddling into his chest. However he didn´t wake up.

Shizuo grinned.

That Izaya, he always did the most unexpected things.

Gently he put him down on his bed and covered him in his bed sheets.

"Good night flea…", with these words Shizuo left the room and made his way up again.

He too went to his bedroom, however he stopped in the door and leaned thoughtfully against the frame.

"... what am I doing…?", he muttered to himself as he covered his eyes with the back of his hand.

"… Seriously… What am I doing…?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is he doing indeed~? :3 Well, so what did you think about this chapter, was it better than the first? I plan to write somewhere between 5000 to 6000 words per chapter. Please leave a comment, I really want to hear your opinion on this. :D And it makes me happy. XD


	3. Shock and realization

Izayas bedroom. Izaya point of view.

It hurt.

Slowely Izaya opened his eyes and touched the bump on his head. It was morning and he was lying on the floor, again. Slowely he got up and looked around in confusion.

How did he get to his bedroom…?

He couldn´t remember at all… Yesterday was just too blurry. The last thing he recalled was sitting down on his couch to check the files … but then?

He must have sleepwalked to his bedroom, he figured. Yawning he got up.

His head now hurt a bit after his usual drop out of bed, but the fever and dizziness from the day before had gone away. Althought he did cough a little. With a releaved look outside his window, he realized that it wasn´t raining today. Quite the opposite, the sun was shining brightly and there were no clouds in the sky. He snapped open his phone and looked at his appointments for today. Grinning he read the names of his clients. Shingeki-san was also listed.

Amused he sat on his bed. The last time, when they were discussing business in the chatroom he actually dared to threaten him. Not that someone could bother the great Orihara Izaya with something as plain as that. But he would have to remind him of his position…

He smirked. He was already looking forward to that meeting.

Mairu and Kururi too…

They had sent him a threatening e-mail again… he sighed. Hadn´t they already figured out that he knew it was his sisters who sent them…? They should work out something else if they really wanted to scare him… not that they would succeed either way…

Only now he noticed, that he had again discarded the sheets in his sleep. He frowned and looked at them thoughtful. Well that was a lie… actually there was a way to make him feel scared. But nobody knew this and he would make sure that it stayed that way…

He stood up and placed the sheets back on his bed.

Oh yeah, the best information broker of Ikebukuro has one weakness… Only one thing, that made him vulnerable. He stopped in his movements.

Couldn´t he just get over it already? Why did it have to be so difficult? It happened years ago, and still…

…

He clenched his hands on the bed sheets.

…

Well, at least he didn´t remember what he dreamed of… even if he could kinda guess it.

Ealier. Shizuos bedroom. Shizuo point of view.

He still didn´t get it.

Shizuo had woken up early and the first thing that came to mind were yesterdays… "events"…

Why did he do that…? Not wanting him to die was one thing, but this… being worried about his well being, checking his fever, carrying to his bedroom… if he had to judge his action he would have to say it looked liked he actually cared about the flea.

But that wasn´t the case. It simply couldn´t be. He had loathed him just days before, he couldn´t just have changed his mind that easily. So why did he help him? Out of pity? Not quite a satisfying explanation, but at least acceptable.

But there was something else…

Something, that bothered him even more than his actions…

What was that feeling? Yesterday when the flea called out his name it stirred up a weird sensation. Well, he probably only dreamed about one of their fights, since he was calling him an idiot… but still, that sudden emotion he experienced didn´t leave his mind. Even now something similar to it welled up in him as he remembered it again…

What was that…?

A sudden noise cut off his thoughts. It took time till he realized it came from the living room. Annoyed he got up. It was the ring tone of Arizawa´s phone… Yesterday he had just ignored him, but today he would quit this job. That bastard wanted to kill Izaya.

I won´t sell that damned flea out to you…

…

Never…

He thought as he made his way to the living room and picked up the phone.

Shizuo: Hello.

Arizawa: Well, good morning Heiwajima-kun. Yesterday you missed my call, I hope you have some information for me now.

He seemed to be quite annoyed.

Shizuo: No, actually I have got no information on the flea at all.

Silence…

Arizawa: You do know, what I am paying you for I hope?

He asked with a stern voice.

Shizuo: Yeah I do. You can keep the money, I quit.

Now that seemed to have surprised the guy.

Arizawa: What the hell?!

Shizuo raised his eyebrow.

Wow, he is capaple of swearing, didn´t expect that.

Arizawa: You can´t just quit, you fucking asshole!

…and now he even insults me…

Shizuo: I will be gone from the apartment in about an hour.

Arizawa: What?! You damn-!

He just cut him off, not wanting to take any more shit from the man. Annoyed he broke the phone into half. Now he couldn´t call anymore, that was sure.

A loud noise coming from beneath startled Shizuo. He remembered the morning before. The flea had been falling out of his bed… had he done it again? He moved to the spy and looked down into Izayas room. There he saw the source of the racket. The louse really had fallen out of bed again. Shizuo tilted his head.

Is this his usual way of waking up?

Since he had nothing else to do he decided to watch the flea. He was coughing. But okay. He didn´t seem to be swaying anymore and his eyes weren´t glazy. So the fever must have at least gone down, if not away.

That´s good.

Amused he watched Izaya as he looked around in confusion.

He must be wondering how he got into his bed…

Again he remembered the events of the day before. He facepalmed. He actually carried him to bed, like a fucking princess! Not that Izaya knew it... And Shizuo was glad for that, he would make sure, he would be the only one to take this to his grave.

But seriously, what had gotten into him?

He would understand it, if it was Celty, or Shinra or his brother. They were kind of his friends. He would help them out immediatly if they needed him or were sick. But Izaya?

…

"Screw it…" he mumbled. He couldn´t figure it out anyway… he just did it because he felt like it. No explanation necessary.

He went on watching the flea. He had been sitting on the floor quite a while, but now he got up and moved the sheets to their usual place. After that he didn´t change clothes, he just left the ones he wore yesterday on, grabbed his furry coat and left the room.

Is he going out again?

Worried he looked after the flea as he left his apartment. He still wasn´t completely fit, and he knew there were a hella lot of people who wanted to take the flea´s life. On the other side he had escaped them all, including him, up to today, so…

He will manage, he always did…

Shizuo sighed and got up. Well, he should leave now too. He didn´t want to be here, in case Arizawa came to check if he really left. He changed into his usual bartender clothes and threw a last glance into the apartment before he stepped out on the streets of Ikebukuro again.

A short glance to the right allowed him to see Izaya´s figure disappear into an alley, followed by one of his clients. He took one of his cigaretts and looked into the other direction.

"So… what now?", he mumbled. 3 days. He lastet longer in this job than he initially thought he would. But now Tom-san was still going to be away for another 11. What should he do? Aimlessly he walked down the street.

" Oh Shizuo, long time no seen!" Surprised he turned around as he heard a familiar voice.

"Good morning Simon.", he greeted the Russian.

"Ne Shizuo, how about some sushi before work? Sushi is good, sushi is cheap."

"Ah, sorry not today. Besides I don´t have work." Shizuo stated.

"Oh, I thought you had new job. A mysterious job." He whispered.

Shizuo raised his eyebrows.

…

Shinra. Definitely. Celty must have told him and he was the type of guy who just couldn´t shut his trap. He sighed. He didn´t even want to know, from whom Simon had heard that, out of curiosity that stupid doctor probably spread it across all of Ikebukuro.

"No, I quit it already.", he answered Simon´s question.

"Oh? What was it about? I hope nothing bad. Nothing with violence. Violence is no good Shizuo.", he said. Shizuo shook his head.

"No, it didn´t involve any kind of violence.", he assured the Russian. A broad smile showed on his face.

"Good Shizuo, violence is bad. But then why you quit?", he asked curious. Shizuo looked at him. Actually it wouldn´t matter if he told Simon what the job was about. He wasn´t the type to gossip about something like that anyway. Moreover, he didn´t have to spill who the person in question really was…

"I had to watch someone.", he told Simon bluntly. Said man raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Only watch? Doesn´t sound bad, why you quit, you hate the person?", he asked.

"No, it´s not because I hate him.", Shizuo stated grabbing one of his cancer sticks. He hated the guy who gave him the job…

"Ah, so you like the person?" Simon stated noding.

Shizuo widened his eyes in surprise, dropping the cigratte he just had wanted to light.

Not because of his question, but of his wrong use of words.

Simon was russian, he couldn´t blame him for not speaking japanese perfectly, however he had said something, that hit Shizuo like a wave.

He used the wrong word for like. Shizuo knew the man probably meant if he liked the person in a sense of a friend or something similar to it, but the word he actually used, was not "like".

It was "love".

The Russian had just unknowingly asked, if Shizuo loved the flea. And the worst part of it was…

He considered it.

He actually considerd it as a possibility. It would explain a lot, the umbrella, his caring, not wanting to kill the flea, not wanting him to be sick or cold, that feeling when he called out his-

His eyes widened.

No!

That can´t be!

He refused to accept that!

There was no way he could have fallen in love with the flea! That just wasn´t possible! It was Orihara Izaya they were talking about! His enemy! This just…

… wasn´t possible…

"Shizuo?" the Russian waved in front of Shizuo face. He snapped out of it.

"NO WAY! I hate that person! I detest him the most!", he began ranting and punched a hole into the the wall of Simons restaurant.

Yeah that´s right, I hate him.

"Shizuo calm down! Violence no good!"

I hate him! He clenched his fists.

I have always hated him!

He had known him for years! Detested him for years! So how the hell could he even think of the possibility of being in love with the flea?!

"There is no way I could like that person in any possible way!"

That´s right.

" I detest him."

I do.

" I loath him!"

Totally.

"There is no way that I-"

BANG

A sudden noise slicing through the air stopped Shizuos outburst of rage. People screamed. Shizuo knew that noise.

That.

Had been a gunshot.

In slow motion he turned around. The gunshot had come from an alley not far away from where he came.

"He killed him!"

"Call the police!"

"Get away!"

Lots of people were shouting different things to each other. Shocked he watched those who were screaming and running away.

It wasn´t unsusual for someone to be killed that way in Ikebukuro. It wasn´t the first time something like this happened. What shocked him was something different.

It was as if time stood still. Three simple thoughts slowely began to form in his mind and send a chill down his spine.

Someone had died in that alley.

Izaya was in that alley.

Izaya fought with knives.

He blinked a few times and began to laugh nervously.

"No way…", he mumbled.

Only Izaya and his client were supposed to be there... This couldn´t be.

Oi, oi, don´t tell me they got you….they couldn´t have…

It was Orihara Izaya he was talking about. A man able to survive getting a vending machine to his head. A man that could escape him no matter how… Another thought crossed his mind. Izaya had been sick. Izaya had been slower than usual. What if…

This couldn´t be true.

…they couldn´t…

Slowely his feet began moving.

…they-

Without a second thought he dashed off.

"Ah, Shizuo, where you going?!", Simon yelled after him. However Shizuo didn´t even notice the Russian. His thought´s were ony filled with Izaya.

Don´t you dare die on me Izaya!

The thought… the thought of running around the corner and seeing Izaya, lying dead on the ground… it suffocated him. He ran like a freak. He couldn´t breath. He didn´t want to till he knew he was save! To hell with the reason! He didn´t care anymore if he was in love or not. As long, as the flea was okay it didn´t matter!

It didn´t matter…

Izaya…!

Finally he reached the alley and stormed breathless around the corner.

There he was. Not on the floor, but leaning against the wall. The client from before was lying on the ground, while another unfamiliar man stood in front of Izaya. Glaring the flea stared at the guy. A gun was pointed at his face. However Izaya bluntly charged forward and swiftly took the gun out of his hand.

"Wha-?!" Surprised he stumbled backwards.

"Now that wasn´t nice of you, stranger-san~ Mind to tell me why you tried to kill me~?", Izaya asked the man with a playful voice and pointed the gun back at the stranger. Horrified he backed away.

"You-! You deserve to die!"

Shizuo watched the flea as he evaded the man´s fist and sent him to the ground. He had control over the situation. However Shizuo didn´t pay attention to the scene anymore. Just one thought was taking over his whole mind.

Izaya´s not dead…

He took one of his cigaretts. His hands were shaking. Slowely he walked a bit back and leaned against the wall of a cafe.

Izaya is save.

He had thought he was dead. That thought had truly terrified him. Why? he hated the flea. But if he hated him… then why did he feel so relieved…?

"Damn it, stop shaking…!", he tried to prevent his hands from trembling, but it didn´t stop.

Why was he so upset? It´s just the flea, noone important, just… the flea, right? It couldn´t be, that he cared, that he… Slowely his back started sliding down the wall.

Thank god…

Thank god he is okay…!

A few hours later. Izayas apartment. Izaya point of view.

Nervously he looked at his collection of knives. Neatly positioned they were lying on the table in the living room. Izaya sat in front of them, frowning.

That was close… too close…

The incident this morning wasn´t something he had planned. If he had noticed the stranger sneaking up on them even one second late, he would be dead now. Seriously. If he hadn´t moved behind his client, he would have been the one lying on the ground. He didn´t even know the man who tried to shoot him. And that was bothering him. A former client trying to kill him, was something that had occured times before, but for him not to know his killer… Something was wrong, that guy had been hired by someone. He was sure of that.

But who?

His thoughts drifted of to the computer conversation a few days earlier.

"I would watch my back if I were you…", he remembered. Those were Shingeki´s words. Izaya cursed. He didn´t think that bastard would actually try to do something. Sure, he had a big mouth, but assaulting him for real? That was a completely different matter.

He sighed and leaned back on his couch.

Maybe he really should get a bodyguard. Shiki had offered him a few man of his before.

He shook his head. No, he couldn´t trust them, they could notice something. It was too risky... He could take care of himself. He grabbed his coat and phone.

"Hello, police? I have to report something."

If Shingeki really thought he could play with fire, he should try, Izaya would show him that it burnt.

Afternoon. Ikebukuro. Shizuo point of view.

Deep in thoughts he walked down the streets. His hands had stopped shaking now. But his mind hadn´t. He was still thinking about the flea. About the words Simon said… his gladness, when he realized Izaya was alright…

How did that happen? Why? Was it because he said he wasn´t afraid of him? Because he said he wasn´t a monster? Why was he so concerned about the flea´s past? Why was he irritated, when he saw the cut up photos in Izayas apartment? Why did he want the flea to be save? To be alive? To not be sick?

He stopped in his tracks.

Did he really love him…?

Just then he noticed, that he hadn´t paid attention, to where he was walking at all. He looked around and realized sighing where he was.

Great. Now he had even ended up walking to the flea´s apartment…

He sighed. What was love anyway…? He often heard Shinra talk about it, but he wasn´t a good example he guessed. He had once asked Tom-san what love was…

(Love is, when you feel a sense of belonging. You feel happy when you see her. If you love her you share her feelings, you feel happy when she smiles, you feel sad when she cries. She accepts you the way you are. You want to protect her. You want to make her happy. I think that´s what love is about.)

These had been his words.

Did he feel happy when he saw the flea?

…

He would love to say no, but… somehow it was true. If someone had asked him that a few days ago, he would have asked them if they had some brain damage… He had hated the idea of meeting the flea, but if he thought about unexpectedly running into him now, he didn´t feel opposed at all…

Did he feel happy or sad when the flea was?

He didn´t know. He had never seen the flea smile honestly. Only his smirky grin, but he guessed that didn´t count. But when he imagined the flea crying… it did irritate him. Izaya shouldn´t cry… he didn´t want that… why? He didn´t know… It just bothered him thinking about it.

…

Did he accept him the way he was? Sure did, he knew of his strenght, and his problem with it. Yet… he wasn´t afraid at all… it was true he accepted him the way he was…

Did he want to protect him? Yeah. Honestly, he wanted to. The threatening mail was prove engough… he didn´t want him to die, if really someone had come, he would have protected the flea. And the thought of someone hurting him also drove him nuts.

Tom-san was right, he wanted to make Izaya smile. Not his usual smirky grin, but a genuine smile.

He was right. As delusional it may seemed to be… he had to accept it.

He loved Izaya.

It didn´t matter how it happened, why it happened… it just had happened.

A little smile sneaked over his face.

Eeh… So that´s what it feels like to love someone… Not that bad a sensation he had to admit.

Just then a familiar figure caught his attention. It was Izaya, walking out of his apartment. Deep in thoughts Shizuo looked at the informant. He was going to one of his appointments he guessed. Uneasy he remembered the escalated meeting in the morning.

He began following the flea. He didn´t want him to get hurt. And he definitely didn´t want him to be killed. He closed up to Izaya, making sure he wouldn´t lose sight of him this time.

He wanted to protect him. And hell he would make sure the next bastard trying to kill his flea would end up dead.

He paused.

His flea…?

Had he just really thought Izaya was his? A smile crept over his face. Why not? He loved him, so why not claim him? That´s right, Izaya had always been his enemy. Now that he thought of it, he never liked it when Izaya got hurt from others than him.

His Izaya...

A few hours later. On the highway. Shizuo point of view.

Seriously, if he didn´t stop that he would get a heart attack! Ever since he had started following the flea he had been acting far too careless!

He was balancing on railings, jumping down walls, approaching people from gangs or filth that looked like they were going to kill him for a decent meal… It was nerve wrecking!

A few of them even wanted to start a fight, however Izaya evaded these situations by running away when it got to hot. And Shizuo was chasing after him, trying to control his anger, to not knock out a few of these men in the process…

Fuck! It was a real pain in the ass to care about someone who lead such a dangerous life. If he could he would just walk up to the damn flea and tell him to stop doing that stupid shit, but well… he couldn´t exactly do that…

Annoyed he grabbed a smoke. He watched the flea, yet again balancing on the railing next to the road. To the right of the railing he could see the sea, while the highway was on the other side. They were obviously the only ones there, so he had to keep his distance. Angry he followed the raven.

What was wrong with Izaya, that he couldn´t just walk in the city, on the sidewalk, like a normal human? No, he just had to walk on the fucking railing of the highway…

Shizuo thought, when suddenly Izaya slipped and fell flat face to the ground. He snorted.

Serves him right. Maybe he will take the sidewalk now like any normal human being. He was quite pissed at the flea.

But then he stopped. Something was weird. The flea didn´t get up. Instead he just stayed on the ground, wearing a pained expression.

Shizuo couldn´t believe it.

He facepalmed. That was honestly ironic. All day long he had been doing reckless things that could have gotten him injured or even killed, and now… a little misstep on the railing was all it took for the flea to hurt himself. He shook his head. Seriously.

He watched Izaya as he tried to stand up whilst holding onto the railing. He seemed to have twisted his ankle and visibly was trying not to put any weight on it. Even Shizuo could notice that. When he finally achieved standing up straight he took out his phone. Shizuo blew the smoke into the air. He was probably going to call Celty to take him home, he guessed.

"Fuck..! " The sudden swearing caught his attention. The flea was staring at his phone. The screen was black.

No. way. The phone was either dead or broken, but no matter the cause, Izaya couldn´t call anyone right now, and they were in the most solitary part of Ikebukuro.

Accepting his situation Izaya began to drag himself along the road. Shizuo watched him concerned. The highway ended only in a distance of about 4km. Did he really intend to walk all the way there?

Well, given he couldn´t call anyone, it was his only choice. Shizuo was in kind of a pinch, he wanted to help him, but he couldn´t, it would be weird. It wasn´t like he could walk up to the flea and ask him if he needed help…

He decided to call Celty. He would just tell her he needed her to deliver something to Kasuka. Surely she would come over and concidentally meet Izaya on the way. Problem solved.

…

…

Or not.

Shit!

She didn´t pick up. Neither Celty nor Shinra did... What now? There was no one left he could have called. Worried he looked at the flea. He was still walking, however the pained expression on his face had intensified. Shizuo flinched. He was hurting.

What should he do?

Change: Izaya point of view.

Fuck, it hurt!

Today really wasn´t his day. Being assaulted in the morning and twisting his ankle in the afternoon while his phone decided to have a breakdown… What would happen next? Should he prepare for another upcomming disaster?

Furrowing his eyebrows he dragged himself along the road.

Dammit… this highway is at least 4km long… Fuck…

He stopped and let himself rest on the railing. It would take hours for him to reach the end…besides, why the hell was there so little traffic today? Not a single car had passed by him up to now. Otherwise he would have already persuaded someone to give him a ride.

He sighed. If just that phone would work, he could call Celty. She would surely come to fetch him. Or Namie, although she would only do it for a little raise of course…

"Oi flea."

Startled he turned around. Well fuck, today really wasn´t his day.

"Ara, Shizu-chan. What are you doing here~?" Shit, somehow he had to get away, he would surely kill him if he didn´t.

"Same to you.", Shizuo simply replied calm, taking one of his cigaretts. Izaya scoffed. Why was he being so calm today? Didn´t suit him at all. Usually he would have thrown something or yelled his name by now.

"Just some business.~ ", he lied.

"While sitting on the railing of a highway? Don´t kid me." Huh? Since when was Shizuo so sharp?

"I am waiting for someone to fetch me.~"

"Tch, don´t fuck with me Izaya, I saw you." Izaya raised his eyebrows confused.

"Huh? What are you talking about Shizu-chan?"

"Cut the crap, I know you hurt yourself before and can´t walk."

Startled Izaya looked at the bartender. He knew?! Oh god, so that´s why he was so calm, he knew Izaya couldn´t run away from him! Shit, he was going to kill him!

What should he do? He looked behind the railing. There was the sea. Dammit, he couldn´t just jump down there. Nervously he shifted around. If he couldn´t get away Shizuo would-

"Here."

Dumbfounded Izaya turned around. He was holding out his phone to him. Completely out of sorts he looked at the bartender.

"Huh..?", not the smartest answer he had ever gotten out of his mouth, but he was just too confused, as to what the blonde tried to do.

"Your phone isn´t working right? Use mine to call somebody to get you." Shizuo explained.

Izayas eyes widened in disbelieve. What the hell had gotten into Shizuo?! Did he actually try to help him?!

"The hell, are you drunk?!", was the first thing that came to his mind. Shizuo frowned at that question.

"No I am not, now call someone before I change my mind." No, no, no, Izaya couldn´t let this slide like that.

"What are you trying to do?", he asked him sternly.

"Huh?"

"Come on Shizu-chan, you seriously don´t expect me to believe you just want to help me~… what´s your purpose?"

"I am not you Izaya, I don´t have any ulterior motive."

Izaya frowned. The hell, then what? What reason could Shizuo possibly have to help him?

Don´t tell me he is doing it out of pity?!

"Are you pitiying me?!", Izaya asked with a glare. Shizuo didn´t answer. Angry he clenched his fist.

"The hell?! I am Orihara Izaya, the best informant in whole of Ikebukuro, don´t you dare pity me! I hate you Shizu-chan and you hate me, so stop that crap you dumb imbecile!", he shouted angry and stood up, forgetting the reason he had sat down in the first place. He flinched as the pain shot through his leg, causing him to fall back. He tried to stand up again but he couldn´t. Annoyed he glanced at Shizuo.

Surprisingly he was still just standing there, without saying a single word.

Huh…? Perplexed Izaya eyed the bartender. He would have expected him to snap by now, getting angry or at least shout at him after his outburst… but this?He was quiet. Simply quiet, not moving a muscle. He wasn´t holding back his anger like he tried to do it usually… he really just wasn´t angry. Completely staggered he sat on the ground, staring at the blonde.

Suddenly he moved towards him and took his hand. Izaya flinched.

"Just return the phone sometime…"

Surprised he looked at Shizuo as he took his hand and forcibly shoved his phone on it, turned around and walked away without another word.

The hell…?

Confused he looked at the phone in his hands and back at Shizuo who just vanished behind a curve of the road.

…

What was that…?

Change. Shizuo point of view.

That was close.

He glanced back a last time to Izaya before he walked away. Good, he was finally using his phone… That damn flea, couldn´t he just accept it when someone tried to help him? He really hadn´t want to hurt him this time. So damn stubborn.

But he was glad he didn´t throw the phone after him when he shoved it forcibly in his hand. If he had done that Shizuo probably would have snapped and just carried the flea back.

He had planned to do that in the first place... thank god he came to his senses before actually doing it.

The flea would have ripped of his head off. Probably not now, but later when they met again…

Thoughtfully he blew the smoke into the air.

…

He said he hated him…

…He sure did.

Shizuo sighed.

…

God…

Why did it have to be Izaya…?

The only person, that despised him from the dephts of his heart… He smiled a broken smile.

Shit… I chose the wrong person to fall in love with…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooohh… poor Shizu-chan, but I wouldn´t be too sure about the flea never comming to love you. ^.^ And what´s Izayas „weakness"…? ;D What did you think of this chapter? I hope you liked it. ^.^
> 
> If you did, then look forward to chapter 4: The incident ;D
> 
> PS.: My favourite part:
> 
> Someone had died in that alley.
> 
> Izaya was in that alley.
> 
> Izaya fought with knives. (DUN DUN DUUUUUUN XD Just had to do that. XD)


	4. The incident

Total darkness.

Izaya blinked.

Nothing.

Blinked harder.

Yet he didn´t see anything.

He was lying on the ground, surrounded by nothing but black. Why wasn´t there light? Was he underground? He tried to sit up, when suddenly something hard hit his head. Hissing he flinched back. What the hell? Why was there something above his head? Where was- wait, what´s that noise? He stopped.

…

There was something, some kind of racket … Sounded like metal bars scratching over the floor. But why would there-

"Izaya-kun…"

He shivered. That voice. Despite not knowing it, it sent a shiver down his spine. Who? Who was it? Why did it call his name? A bad feeling crept up inside him, as he tried to remember who the owner of this voice was…

"Let´s play a little, Izaya kun ~…"

Play…? The owner of the voice sounded sick. It made him back away, only to realize, that he couldn´t. There was a wooden wall. Behind him, above him... even besides him. He was held captive!

He couldn´t escape!

"Izaya-kun~…"

That voice again! Who was it?! What did it want?! Why was he here?!

Sudden recognition struck Izaya like lightning.

He knew that voice…

"Izaya-kun~…"

He knew why he was here…

"No…", he whispered.

He knew what they wanted…

"Let´s play Izaya-kun…"

"NO!", screaming he began to trash around. He scratched at the wood above him, his fingers digging in harshly in attempt to find escape.

"Izaya-kun…"

"NO! NO! STAY AWAY!" Crying in frustration his fist met the wood with a sharp cracking sound. It wasn´t the wood that cracked. Terror took him over as he slammed his fists against the resistance again and again.

Suddenly the prison opened and a only too well known face looked down on him. Smiling crazy.

"It´s high time, Izaya-kun…"

"NO!"

Izaya shot up, hands clutching his chest and head. A shiver ran down his spine as he looked hastily around, overwhelmed by his tremors.

His breath came in short gasps as he scanned his surroundings.

It wasn´t dark anymore, it was bright. The suns rays were shining through his roller blind, leaving white spots on the bed. Silence rang across the room only disturbed by his heavy breathing. He looked down himself. He was sitting on the floor to the right of his bed. Sheets were lying on the ground and he was covered in sweat.

His shivering calmed a bit, as he realized he had been dreaming.

"Shit…!", he hid his face behind his hands.

That was one hell of a dream... His body was breaking out in a cool sweat. He breathed deeply, trying to suppress his anxiety, building by the minute.

He clenched his eyes shut, trying to push down the horrible memories and subdue them in his consciousness. Just pushing them back would be enough. He knew he wouldn´t forget it, he never would, but he wanted to ignore them at least.

He dragged himself out of his room. Noticing, that his ankle was almost fine again.

Trying to claw himself away from the nightmare he walked down the stairs to the kitchen to get some water.

The feeling of moving already seemed to cool him down a bit. It drove away the feeling of confinement. He sighed in pleasure, as the cool liquid ran down his throat. It was calming.

"God…", he put the glass back on the table. He hadn´t had that dream in a while. Now it was hitting him again like a wave, haunting him in his sleep.

He sighed. At least he was awake now. Awake and conscious of it happening a looooong time ago. Wanting to get rid of these sweaty clothes he went back to his bedroom.

It was when he picked up the sheets on the floor that he noticed a certain phone lying on his bedside table.

Shizuo´s phone…

Honestly, he would have preferred to dream about the brute instead of… this…

Despite being his enemy… if he still was. He crooked an eyebrow. Right, he had been acting really weird the day before.

With newfound interest he went to the bedside table and picked it up. Curious he browsed through his contacts. But besides Celty, Shinra, Tom and Kasuka´s number there was nothing that caught his attention. He sighed and dropped himself on the newly made bed.

What was going on with Shizuo yesterday anyway?

Not only was he way more calmer than usual, no he actually helped him. Despite Izaya not wanting to admit it, Shizuo did save him quite a bit. If he hadn´t given Izaya the phone he would have had to walk all the way to the end of the highway…

Frowning he looked at the object in question.

But why? Sure he would understand it if he were some stranger, maybe a kid or a woman, Shizuo wasn´t cold hearted he would help out those just as much, but him? Even if he was actually pitying Izaya, helping him? His enemy? Orihara Izaya? The one guy he wanted to seriously kill?

He shook his head in confusion. Something really must have been wrong with him the day before.

Maybe he really was drunk?

Would be a possibility. He denied it, but hey, which drunk would admit being drunk? He sighed… that Shizuo, he always did the most unexpected things… He glanced at the clock on his bedside table.

8 am.

He stood up and grabbed his furry coat. If he was already awake he could at least begin to work, that way he would be able to finish earlier. He glanced at Shizuo´s phone, still holding it in his hand and shoved it into his coat.

Normally he simply would have kept it, but…

…

…maybe he would stop by to give it back to Shizuo today…

A few hours later on top of a roof. Shizuo point of view.

What should he do?

Deep in thoughts Shizuo was lying on the ground, staring at the floating clouds in the sky. He had been out here since he woke up. His thoughts only circling around the flea… At least he had come to a conclusion. He really loved the flea. But somehow that knowledge made him also feel… kinda lost.

There was no way Izaya would ever, in his whole life return these feelings…

…

What should he do?

Izaya would be crept out if he knew. Besides, he doubted the flea would actually believe it if he ever confessed. Well, he couldn´t blame him. If he imagined Izaya confessing his love to him, he wouldn´t believe him as well…

He blew the smoke into the air and watched it as it slowly faded away. Blown out by the wind.

…

Maybe, if he ignored it for a while… would this love also fade away…?

…

Izaya hated him, and that wasn´t going to change. Shizuo knew, that he probably wouldn´t throw any signs or vending machines after the flea so soon. He didn´t want to hurt him… but he had to ignore these feelings…

Couldn´t he just ignore them, till they disappeared… ?

…

Would they if he did…?

Somewhere in an alley not far from Shizuo. Izaya point of view.

Agitated Izaya turned around. Prepared to be attacked he drew out his knife from the furry coats pocket. The cold metal calmed him down a bit as he scanned his surroundings.

Silence.

He seemed to be alone. No one was coming after him. Irritated he approached the end of the alley.

The footsteps he heard before had also disappeared…

"Weird…", he mumbled to himself. He could have sworn someone was following him before. Not to mention this feeling of being stared at. He swiped open his phone and gladly realized that he had already finished all of his appointments for today.

Maybe he should try getting up this early more often. It saved him a lot of time… Although he had also been faster than usual in dealing with his clients today. They were all surprisingly cooperative. He almost found it a bit fishy…

Not yet letting down his guard he went on in the direction of his apartment.

Did they imprison Shingeki already? He wondered as he made his way home. He had tried to kill him, so Izaya blew his cover and ratted him out to the police. Drug dealing wasn´t that delicate of a matter. They surely had arrested him by now.

But…

It was strange…

Ever since he had walked out of his apartment today he got that feeling that he was being watched. After you get caught by the police, you can´t just make calls and hire a killer. The guards are watching you every second. Did he hire another one beforehand?

There were only two options. Either he was paranoid… or Shingeki really was smarter than he thought he was…

Restless he speed up his steps. The second option wasn´t that probable but even then the possibility of it being true made him feel uneasy.

Deep in thoughts he looked into the sky. It was clear, no unnecessary clouds invading the blue horizon.

Suddenly something else caught his attention. A stroke of familiar blonde hair moved into his vision. Shizuo was standing on the roof of a high-rise leaning on the railing and smoking one of his cigarets.

Curious Izaya watched the bartender.

Right, he still had his phone…

He grinned.

Maybe he should pay him a visit…

On the rooftop. Both point of view.

…

Frustrated he blew the smoke of his cigarette into the air.

Dammit… he didn´t know love could be that confusing… He looked down the railing. Lots of people were running around on the streets, busy with whatever they were doing. Shizuo watched them for a while.

Izaya probably was also somewhere down there. Meeting clients and risking his life he bet…

…

He wouldn´t say it…

The flea would just either freak out or straight out tease him with it… He would do well without that. He tilted his head upwards and watched the drifting clouds in the sky. For the moment he would just stop fighting with him… but Izaya surely would suspect something was up if he did that.

Maybe he should just avoid Izaya for a while…?

"Ara, what a concidence~"

He flinched as he suddenly heard the voice of the person in question. Surprised he turned to the right. Izaya was just coming up the firecase smiling his usual smirky grin.

"Hello Shizu-chan~"

That much for avoiding the flea…

"What are you doing here?", he asked the raven.

"Oh you know Shizu-chan I saw you from the streets below, and", he drew out Shizuo´s phone of his furry coat.

"I thought I would give you back your phone… Which you lent me ever so kindly yesterday…"

Curious to his reaction Izaya eyed the blonde. He still seemed to keep up that weird calm posture…

What happened? Since the day he first met the brute he always lashed out at him immediately, didn´t even give him a minute for a normal conversation before he began throwing things after him… but now? What had changed the bartender so considerably…? Izaya was honestly curious. He threw over the phone. Shizuo caught it.

"Ah, thanks." He shifted it into his pocket and to Izayas disbelieve, started walking away, leaving a perplexed flea behind. Not trusting his eyes Izaya stood next to the railing of the high-rise watching as Shizuo opened the door leading back inside the building.

That´s all? Thanks?! Normally he would have said things like: Took you long enough louse, or I hope you didn´t mess with it, flea or something along those lines… really it didn´t matter what, but a simple „thanks"?! Izaya frowned, why was he acting so out of Character?!

"Wait!" Shizuo stopped in his stracks and turned around. Obviously surprised by the fleas sudden outburst.

"What?"

Shit. He blurted that one out without thinking before. The way Shizuo acted made him lose his concept… Izaya sighed. As if Shizuo hadn´t seen him losing his concept before… Moreover he already lost his facade so, why not skip the petty talk and just come down straight to the point?

"…Why did you help me yesterday?"

Shizuo flinched. Shit… that was the one question he wanted to avoid… Dammit he had to come up with something good, otherwise the flea would pester him endlessly…

"Why do you want to know?"

Izaya sighed. So he answered his question with another one... and there he was already hoping for a decent answer.

"Shizu-chan, that´s not fair avoiding my question, come on, answer me. For once I am really curious about what you have to say~" he leapt over the railing and balanced along the edge of the building, just like he did with that suicidal girl weeks before. He extended his arms and began walking alongside the abyss.

He wouldn´t let Shizuo of the hook now. He was the great informant of Ikebukuro. There was nothing that he didn´t know. And it certainly should stay that way.

"What are you doing?"

"Huh…?" Izaya turned around to glance at Shizuo. Suddenly he came closer, while grabbing another smoke as his eyes were locked on the flea.

"You have a death wish or what?" he pointed to where he was standing.

Izaya looked at the bartender in confusion, only to break out in laughter seconds later.

"What´s so funny?!" the blonde asked annoyed.

Still laughing he continued his carefree walk.

"Shizu-chan, I have walked here countless times before, trust me I know what I am doing."

"You do know that you are standing on the 5th floor of a high-rise?!"

"Yeah, so?"

"If you misstep you´re dead!"

"Oooh~ Shizu-chan is worried~ how sweet… Haha.", Izaya chuckled.

"Of course not you bastard." Shizuo gritted between his teeth.

Shit, actually he was…! If the flea fell down there even he wouldn´t stand up again. He would be dead. For real. He moved a bit closer to Izaya. Only a few feet were between them.

"It´s my duty to finish you off, so come back over here you damn louse!" Surprised Izaya cocked his eyebrow.

Eeeh~ Shizuo sounds really angry…

He smirked. That´s what he wanted. He didn´t know why, but he seemed to piss Shizuo off by what he was doing. He began hoping around.

"Oi you..!" Shizuo hissed.

"Haha, what? Do I get on your nerves Shizu-chan~?", he giggled amused.

"Yeah you are!"

He stretched out his arms and began to whirl around.

"You are definitely underestimating my balancing ability, Shizu-chan~"

He was fucking enjoying this!

"Drop the Shizu-chan. You misstepped on a fucking highway railing yesterday, so don´t tell me about your perfect balancing ability!"

Izaya frowned at that comment. Now he was getting on his nerves.

"Shizu-chan, that was just the outcome of my not paying enough attention. When I am up here I am way more careful. But I guess that´s too hard for your little brain to comprehend~" he hissed between tight lips. He was still highly displeased by the fact that Shizuo had seen him, and to top that even helped him in that particular situation…

Which lead him back to the question he asked the blond before. He still hadn´t answered it. However he didn´t seem to intend doing that, as he suddenly began moving.

"Tch… you know what flea, fuck yourself, I don´t care!" Angry Shizuo turned around and walked slowly away. Not intentionally leaving him of course. But maybe Izaya would chase after him if he was the first to go.

"Hah?! Oi you still haven´t answered my question Shizu-chan!"

He glanced worried over his shoulder seeing a quite upset Izaya. Relieved he saw how the flea climbed back over the railing.

"What makes you think I am going to answe-" Suddenly it happened.

Both of them were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn´t even notice a shadow leaning behind one of the flues. They didn´t notice how he was standing there, eagerly observing the situation. And both of them didn´t see it coming when he suddenly dashed out of his hiding. Approaching Izaya in a matter of seconds, and shoved him back.

It had been just a few seconds of inattentiveness, just a tiny push, however it was enough.

Completely taken by surprise Izaya had no time to react. No time to shove him away, to cling back to the railing, or regain his footing. His eyes widened in fear as he lost his balance and felt himself fall backwards. Time seemed to move in slow motion. Izaya didn´t recognize the man. He didn´t know why he wanted to kill him. But he knew that he would succeed. The railing was already too far away to grip. There was nothing in his reach he could hold on to. Unbearable fear crept up inside.

He didn´t want to die… His heart beat accelerated at a high speed.

NO! HE DIDN´T WANT TO DIE…!

Then he fell.

Time froze up.

Shizuo had seen that shadow approaching Izaya. He had pushed. He had shoved the flea of the railing. Only for a second he had seen the fear crawling over his face.

Now he fell.

He would crash on the streets of Ikebukuro.

He would die.

"IZAYA!"

Before Shizuo could even think about what he was doing he dashed to the edge of the building and leapt over it as fast as he could, following the flea in his fall. He didn´t think about the consequences of falling down from such a height.

He only thought of Izaya.

Only Izaya.

Nothing else.

Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, as he actually reached the falling flea and pulled him closer which was already a wonder in itself. Immediately Izaya grabbed, whatever it was that reached out to him. His eyes were closed tightly, his mouth slightly opened for a silent scream that never left his lips.

Without trouble Shizuo switched their positions still in open air, in the midst of falling. Izaya still clinging to him for his life.

A loud thud welcomed them as they finally touched the ground. People screamed. Shizuo flinched. His body hurt. However it didn´t matter, only concerned about Izaya he pulled himself up. The flea was lying on top of him.

"Oi! Izaya!" Worried he shook the flea. He flinched at the touch. Overly relieved Shizuo realized that he was alive. Damn, who was that bastard?! He fucking tried to kill Izaya! A shudder ran down his spine as he imagined what would have happened if he was only a second late…

A quick look over Izayas body told him that the informant wasn´t seriously hurt. At least he wasn´t bleeding. Unlike Shizuo. He seemed to have hit something sharp and felt a warm liquid running down his back as he sat up. Izaya was still just sitting on his lap and clinging to his shirt, not moving a muscle. Shizuo stopped in his tracks. Why wasn´t he saying anything?!

"Izaya?!" worried he gently shook the flea a second time. Eyes still widened in fear he slowly looked up. Face white as a wall.

"Sh-shizuo…?", he whispered disbelieving. He was shaking like a leaf.

Completely taken aback Shizuo eyed the flea. Did he just call him Shizuo?! Still resting his hands on Izaya´s shoulders he realized how bad he was shivering. He must have been scared as hell… Without thinking twice he tugged the flea towards him and coiled his hands around him.

"Shhh, it´s alright, you aren´t dead flea." He felt the informants tremors as he whispered the soothing words. But he didn´t struggle. Quite the opposite. He felt Izaya´s hands grab his shirt tighter and hide his face in his shoulder.

Shit, that really scared him. He had never seen Izaya like that. It tore him apart inside. Not knowing what he should do Shizuo just continued whispering soothing words. At least they seemed to calm down the flea.

The two of them stayed like that for a couple of minutes. Not sure, when he should let go of Izaya… Suddenly Shizuo realized that people were eyeing them curiously. He cleared his throat.

"Oi Izaya." Slowly said informant began to move and looked Shizuo in the eye. He still didn´t seem like he could comprehend what just happened.

"You okay…?", Shizuo asked worried.

Sudden realization obviously hit the fleas face as he rapidly backed away from Shizuo. His mouth opened a few times, however no words seemed to come out.

Shizuo chuckled slightly at the sight of a speechless flea.

"What? Cat got your tongue?" That question earned him a slight blush on Izaya´s cheeks. Bewildered he stood up.

"Fuck you Shizu-chan!" he spat between tight lips and ran off as fast as he could.

Shizuo was still sitting on the ground looking after the escaping flea. A puddle of blood had slowly formed underneath him. By now people were already getting hysterical and calling the ambulance. Shizuo sighed and hastily got up. He hated the hospital, Shinra would suffice in patching him up. Earning more screams as he walked away he made his move to Shinra´s house.

One last time he looked up to the top of the high-rise where the two of them had fallen of. He furrowed his eyebrows in worry. Who was that bastard from before? He nearly managed to kill the flea. If Shizuo found him he would beat him up to a pulp. Angry he drew one of his cancer sticks out of his pocket. To scare the flea like that. He remembered the flea´s heavy shaking. Annoyed he clenched his teeth... No… He changed his mind. If he saw that guy ever again, he wouldn´t beat him up, he would kill him!

However the anger quickly subsided as he remembered the feeling when he held the flea close. He couldn´t prevent a little smile from appearing on his face. It had felt so right. Holding the person he loved so close to him. While doing this he realized how perfect the flea fit in his arms. And that face he made when he realized what he had been doing in his confusion.

"Aww, shit…", he slapped a hand over his now broadly smiling mouth. What should he do? His heart skipped a beat when he called him Shizuo. Not Shizu-chan, but his real name…

"Fuck, it´s Heiwajima Shizuo!"

"Kyaaaa! He´s bleeding!"

"No, maybe it´s not his blood!"

"Did he kill someone?!"

He caused quite the commotion going through Ikebukuro with a bloody back. Lots of people were staring at him, with those eyes. Those, that Shizuo hated so much, however he didn´t care. Fuck yea, he felt happy. Not even those shitty people could get him down from his high. He didn´t care anymore, because the only thing he did care about now, was Izaya.

Izayas apartment. A little later. Izaya point of view.

"What the hell?!"

Izaya had been rushing home and was now sitting in his beloved chair, thinking about what happened before. He was relieved that he was alive, hell yeah he really was, but the adrenaline in his blood was still pumping through his veins. Probably mostly because he had been running home like a freak…

"God…" Sure, he was glad he was alive, but when it came to the reasons why this was the case… Izaya slapped his hand on his face.

Shizuo. Shizuo Heiwajima. His enemy, his most hated foe, had saved his life!

The instant he fell down from the high-rise he jumped after him… Just like that, without any second thought it seemed. He twisted them around so that he would take the harm.

WHY?! He didn´t get it. He couldn´t think of any reason, why he would do this. First he helps him get home the day before, and then he saves his live?! What the hell is going on with him?!

But that wasn´t the only thing that made Izaya´s mind do a backflip. The second thing that ticked him off, was the way he reacted… Fuck, he thought he was gonna die! That fall scared the shit outta him. Even when he was already back on safe ground, he still was shocked. He really thought this was the end. He simply couldn´t comprehend, that he survived that just now.

And then he even let that brute comfort him!?

"Why did he do that in the first place?!" he yelled and threw a coffee mug across the room. He was glad Namie had her day off today.

"What the hell...", he leaned back in his chair. He always knew Shizuo was unpredictable, but these action redefined the meaning of that word completely…

A sudden *pling* from his phone gained his attention. He frowned as he saw who sent it.

It was from Shingeki-san.

Curious he opened it.

Orihara-san, I warned you. Yet you seem to think you are invulnerable. I would like to convince you otherwise. I got your lovely note.

Playing with fire burns… I wanna show you this doesn´t only apply to me.

Sayonara Orihara-san

Izaya crooked his eyebrow. So that guy on the roof today was sent by Shingeki. Shitty bastard, that was all his fault! Well he wondered how he would react when he heard that he survived the assault.

Wait… A sudden thought crossed his mind. That SMS had been sent after he read the little note. But in fact Izaya arranged it that Shingeki would get his little message only after he was confined. In the first 24 hours new prisoners weren´t allowed to communicate with anyone, no matter if it was via phone or verbally. But… if that really was the case, then how-

He didn´t get to finish his sentence, when suddenly a wet cloth was shoved in his mouth. He wanted to scream, but as soon as he inhaled he recognized the acid smell.

Chloroform.

He attempted to hold his breath, while trying to fend of his enemies. But the smell had already gotten to him a bit. His sight was blurry and his predators didn´t seem bothered by his struggles. He wasn´t able to defend himself at all. Anxious he noticed his need of air, still having shoved the chloroform soaked cloth in his mouth.

"Breath you bastard." A raspy voice laughed as he held down the informant.

Shit… It´s over. He didn´t stand a chance. He wouldn´t get out of it this time. He held his breath for a few more moments, but the necessity for air won him over. He inhaled the chloroform and slowly drifted into unconciousness…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! What´s gonna happen to Izaya..?! :O Muhahahaha. XD Oh yeah, it´s a cliffhanger. XD I am so evil. XD
> 
> So, what did you think about this chapter? :D I hope I didn´t make too many mistakes. (If I did, please tell me, otherwise I won´t find them. ^.^)
> 
> PS.: Next chapter is one of my personal favourite! That´s when the real shit happens. XD Just sayin´ ^_^


	5. You gonne help me?!

Evening. Shinra´s house. Shizuo point of view.

"Please~?"

"No. Now shut up, Shinra."

Shizuo had gone to Shinra´s place a few hours before. Apparently, when he fell down the building to save Izaya, he landed on the edge of a pavement. At least that´s what it looked like Shinra said. The doctor had sewed up his back, so it wasn´t bleeding anymore.

The only thing he was fussing over now, was how amazing his body was, since he didn´t break his spine or take any other serious injuries from the fall. And because of that he was now pestering to let him do some tests with him. Like hell he would…

"I said no." Shizuo repeated annoyed.

"But please! Shizuo, your body is really fascinating. I want to ascertain, how it works. After such a fall a normal human would have probably been dead or at least paralyzed for life ..."

Shizuo flinched.

Paralyzed or dead.

Shinra though didn´t notice this and just went on rambling what else could have happened… and the different cases certainly weren´t lovely…

Honestly, the more Shinra went on babbling the more he was glad he reached the flea in time.

"…you could also have smashed open your skull, or landed on a street sign, then you would have been impaled, or- ah! Celty~Darling~! Okaeri~3"

Glad Shinra stopped talking about things that made Shizuo´s stomach do a backflip he saw Celty coming in. Quickly she typed on her PDA when she saw Shizuo.

(Tadaima.)

The next message was directed at him.

(Hello Shizuo, what are you doing here?) Leaning forward while cuddling up to his beloved, Shinra also read what she wrote and answered faster than Shizuo could.

"Ah, he fell down from a high-rise." Shinra explained nonchalantly. Obviously shocked Celty quickly went on typing.

(What?! Are you okay?! What happened?!)

"Ah no, don´t worry, it´s nothing serious.", Shizuo replied trying to reassure the concerned dullahan.

(Nothing serious?!)

"Calm down Celty, I already patched him up, he is okay." Shinra tried to convince her.

"But you could help me darling, I want to convince Shizuo letting me take some tests. He just won´t let me." He pouted.

"Right, I am fine and he is an annoying fly.", Shizuo confirmed nodding.

"Shizuo! How mean!"

Celty began typing again in a calmer fashion.

(So you´re really okay. I am glad. :) But… why did you fall from a high-rise in the first place?)

"Yeah, you didn´t tell me either, what happened?" Shinra also asked dropping his pestering for a while.

"That´s…"

Shit, he hadn´t thought of that yet. What should he tell Celty and Shinra…? He couldn´t just say he jumped after Izaya to save his life. Well he could tell Celty, but definitely not Shinra. The doctor wouldn´t shut up if he knew he currently loved the flea…

Shizuo shrugged his shoulders nonchalant.

"It was an accident" he answered simply. Almost true.

"An accident?", Shinra echoed. "…who falls accidentally of a building?" Shinra cocked an eyebrow.

Celty began typing again.

(You should take better care of you…)

"Ah sorry, didn´t want to worry you."

(Nevermind. What about this job of yours?)

"Yeah, I heard about it, what are you doing Shizuo? Tell me!", the instant Celty had shown Shizuo her PDA the question had already piqued Shinra´s interest.

"You… weren´t you the one that spread that info through Ikebukuro?!" Guilt crawled over the doctors face as Shizuo asked him angry. Since even Simon knew it he must have really run off his mouth…

"Well, could be… I was just so curious. I mean, what in the world could you be doing that you can´t even tell Celty about it?" And again eyes filled with curiosity were locked with the blondes. He sighed. Shinra was a lost case…

"Doesn´t matter anymore. I quit the job." He replied simple and grabbed one of his cigarets.

"Ha? What do you mean you quit the job?"

"What I said, I quit."

(Why so soon?)

"The guy who gave me the job was getting on my nerves.", that was the only answer Shizuo came up with. And well, it was somewhat true. Celty still didn´t seem satisfied with his answer though, however Shinra saved him the trouble having to answer more questions regarding that topic as he went on rambling about something else.

"Eh, that means you have no job now right? I mean Tanaka-san is in Russia fort wo weeks I heard."

Shizuo nodded. He didn´t know Tom-san was in Russia, but the fact that he was away for the next two weeks was true. Also the fact that Shizuo didn´t have work during that time... Smiling Shinra clapped his hands together.

"Well then Shizuo, how about-"

"No."

"Eh, you didn´t even let me finish my sentence~" Shinra said huffy.

"No need to do it. I know what you wanna say either way, and no, for the last time, I am not going to do some stupid tests."

"They aren´t stupid! They could provide me with really useful information! And they-"

"Yeah, yeah, you told me that a hundred times already."

He stood up and put back on his still bloody shirt and bartender jacket.

"Either way, thanks for patching me up Shinra, bye."

"Eh? Wait!" Shinra called, however Celty conveniently kept a hold of him with her shadows.

"Celty, why are you stopping me~", Shinra pouted. However Celty just ignored him. She went on typing.

(I am holding him back. :) Take care.)

Shizuo laughed.

"Thanks."

„Nooooo, Celty~~"

-Outside-

Finally. Shizuo sighed and reached into his pocket to get another smoke. If he didn´t make his leave now Shinra would never have stopped to pester him…

But really… after this day, for the first time in his life Shizuo was glad he had that strength that Shinra wanted to analyse so badly. If he hadn´t, he wouldn´t have been able to save the flea.

Maybe… just maybe he could use this monster side of his for a gentler porpuse…

He tilted his head towards Simon´s Shushi restaurant as he saw his brother Kasuka standing in front of it. He seemed to be making a promotional video.

Shizuo smiled, his brother surely would also be thrilled if he used his strength another way.

A sudden commotion interrupted his thoughts. A group of teenagers, probably members of a colour gang as they were all wearing something red, were agitated talking about something.

Shizuo wasn´t really interested in their conversation, he hated violence, and the colour gangs used way too much of it. If it was him he would prefer to stay away from those people.

However as he went past them he did catch some phrases.

"Don´t shit me!"

"No it´s true, they really got him this time!"

"That´s not possible."

"It sure is!"

"I saw it with my own eyes! They dragged him out of his apartment and threw him in a van!"

"For real?!"

"Tch, high time, that bastard only made trouble."

" But really who would have thought someone would actually get him…"

"Yeah, serves him right, that stupid informant."

Shizuo had just walked past them, as he caught that final sentence. The word informant startled him. As soon as he heard it the picture of a certain individual popped up in his mind.

However he immediately disregarded it. There was simply no way they were talking about that informant. He already set off to walk away, as one last statement reached his ears.

" Ikebukuro will be more peaceful from now on, without that asshole Orihara."

Shizuo stopped in his tracks and turned around. What did they say? Did they really say Orihara? No way, they couldn´t be talking about the flea. There was no way he would ever let himself get captured…

Uneasy he approached the guys.

"Hey you.", he went up to the guy who mentioned Izaya´s last name before. He wanted to find out if it really was Orihara Izaya they were talking about.

However he didn´t get to ask that question. Fuck his reputation, as soon as they recognized the bartender outfit and his blonde hair they just scrammed. So he was left standing, with no reliable information at hand.

But they did say Orihara… maybe he misheard?

Must be it, the flea would never get caught that easily.

…

He wouldn´t right…?

Somewhere else. A bit earlier. Izaya point of view.

"Urgh…"

Where was he? He opened his eyes, however there was a really bright blinding light, which immediately made him close them again.

What the hell happened..?!

His head hurt… And he felt really dizzy. Up seemed to be down and left was exchanged with right… They must have given him something while he was out cold. At least he wasn´t a person that easily got nauseous from dizziness.

Only barely he could remember what happened before he passed out. Right, he was sitting in his apartment, when suddenly these men had taken him by surprise and knocked out with chloroform.

Fucking chloroform, that was so clicheé…

Slowly the informant tried to move. However it didn´t take long for him to notice, that he couldn´t.

He was tied up. Moving was impossible. He opened his eyes squinting. A floodlight was standing right in front of him. After a few seconds though his eyes accustomed to the brightness. So he was able to notice that he was actually sitting on a chair. And the inability to move his hands came from the rope that tied his wrists to the armrests.

A quick check on his body told him, that he hadn´t been injured at least … till now that was. He sighed. Well, he had been in worse situations.

Curious he eyed his surroundings. He was sitting on this chair alone in a spacious warehouse it seemed. Lots of furniture was stacked on either side of the hall. He was the only one in the hall sitting between the goods. However he was sure it wouldn´t stay that way for long.

As if to confirm his thoughts suddenly one of the doors on the right side of the hall opened and five men approached the raven.

"Oh, the sleeping princess woke up."

"Oh my, so you are the lovely individuals that captured my humble self?~" Izaya sang sarcastical. However instead of getting angry the men just grinned in a weird way.

" Just continue pretending to be cool, you won´t be able to sustain that attitude for long." Irritated by their words Izaya decided to drop the crappy act and get down to business.

"What do you want? Information, money?"

These were after all 99% of the time the things people were after if they attempted or this time succeeded kidnapping him. However the next reaction made Izaya frown a bit. They just began to laugh…

The hell…? What´s so funny?

Suddenly one of the men approached the informant and whispered into his ear.

"You can keep your information and money Orihara, we are after something else…"

Izaya tilted his head with a questioned look. Something else? What the hell did they plan on doing with him?

Still keeping his cool he watched the man as he returned to his companions.

There was no need to panic. As he got back the feeling of touch he noticed, that they took away almost all of his knives. Almost. A single one was left, and conveniently it was the tiny one he kept hidden in his sleeve.

Feeling the soothing cold metal against his wrist he analysed the situation.

As far as he could see, there was only one exit in this hall that actually lead to the outside. About 50 meters in front of him in the middle of the hall. There were two windows right above the door, through which he could see the blue sky.

The distance was no problem, as fast as he was they wouldn´t get him in time. If the door was locked, the he would just smash it open. As far as he saw it was just the ordinary kind of door. And even if he didn´t get it to open he would just have to fight of those guys. He had a knife, so fuck them... they wouldn´t get him.

Certainly he would have to praise them for thinking of binding him. However if they really wanted to restrain him they should have made the knot tighter. He wiggled his hand around making the rope loose up a bit, so that he had just enough space to fish out the knife in his sleeve.

He secretly cut through the rope that bound his right hand to the armrest. However after finishing this he didn´t send his plan into action. Instead he just remained seated. After all he wanted to find out, what exactly they were after if it was neither money nor information.

However they were still just standing over there and discussing agitatedly.

"Oi, lovely humans, mind to tell me what ya plan on doing with me?~", he called out. One of them turned around.

"Shut up, you will soon enough get to see what we planned… But for now we have to wait for the boss to arrive."

Izaya cocked his eyebrow.

The boss? So they weren´t taking action on their own. Indeed, he could have guessed that already. No ordinary gang group would dare try to kidnap him. But on whose orders did they do it…?

…

Shingeki…?

Would be a possibility. After all his last message implied something like this was going to happen. He didn´t know how, but that bastard seemed to have slipped out of prison.. or at least that´s what he thought had happened. He couldn´t think of any other way he could have gotten his message and written back…

He sighed. Well at least it was some rational bastard he had to deal with. If he tempted him with the right information or deal he could get out of here without even a scratch.

"Hey you, I have a deal. Tell Shingeki if you let me go this instant I am willing to give him all the information he wants."

He would lose a pretty wealthy client then though, but that didn´t matter. He had enough other pawns that he could manipulate.

Sudden laughter cut off his thoughts. Irritated he glared at them.

"What the hell are you laughing at?!" he asked annoyed.

"You know Orihara, Shingeki-san is not the one that ordered us to fetch you."

Perplexed Izaya eyed the guy. It was not Shingeki? That didn´t make any sense at all, then why did he get that message from him?! He didn´t get it, what was going on?!

If it really wasn´t him, then who on earth held a grudge that deep against him? He seriously hadn´t done anything big recently…

So who…?

Suddenly the man approached Izaya again.

"What´s wrong? You have gotten so quiet all of a sudden. I bet you don´t even know who it is that´s after your life." He laughed insane.

After his life?! Wait, they only brought him here to kill him?! So, that´s why they were waiting, their "boss", whoever it was, probably wanted to see his death with his own eyes. Izaya shivered as he figured out their purpose of bringing him here to an empty warehouse.

Okay, now he didn´t want to wait any longer. Once the boss arrived things could get a bit risky. And he certainly didn´t plan on dying yet. A smirk crawled over his face.

... time to leave.

"Ara! So it was you that wanted to kill me, what a surprise!~", he yelled and looked purposely behind the five men.

They turned around.

Haha, they are so stupid, they actually fell for it… Izaya smirked and swiftly cut the second rope binding his left hand to the armrest. Without losing a single second he dashed to the door of freedom.

"Shit, he is escaping!" they finally noticed Izaya messed around with them. However Izaya was already at the door.

Lucky he realized that it was actually open and snickered as he hoped out of it. Still hearing the shouting of his followers.

Only now he noticed that he wasn´t quite outside yet. It was the roof he had escaped to. Backing away from the door he quickly viewed his new territory in a matter of seconds. He didn´t have much longer, because only a heartbeat later all five of them rushed out of the door.

Izaya held his breath to not be discovered. Actually he was standing right behind the door. Yeah, behind the door, like some elementary school kid that´s playing hide and seek. However one should not underestimate this hiding place.

Simply because it was so obvious no-one would guess he was here. And he was right, not even once did the five men turn around to look back as they slowly went on.

With unease he realized that they each held a gun in their hand. He gulped. If that door hadn´t been open before they would have shot him dead…

Trying not to make any noise or sudden movement Izaya slowly made his way back through the door he came before. Judging by the height it seemed he was on the second floor of this warehouse so his only option was to go back and search for the staircase.

"THERE HE IS!" Shit they had found him! Quickly he dashed into the hall. He had no time to search for the exit, he had to hide. Fast!

BANG

"Shoot that bastard down!"

BANG BANG

"Where did he go?!"

"I don´t know!"

"Fuck! Call the others, they have to watch the exit!"

"Got it!"

Relieved Izaya noticed their voices moving away. When he had been discovered he immediately heaved himself over a cupboard and crawled to the back of the piled up goods till he reached the wall, before they could see him. The cupboard, a mound of stocked chairs and two beds were now between him and the open hall. He himself had a fair amount of space. The two mentioned beds were placed vertically and so they made kind of a hideout.

Shaking he held his side as his back started sliding down the wall painting it with crimson in the process.

Fuck… The second bullet got him. Trying to examine his wound he moved his hand away. Good, none of his organs had been affected it seemed, but fuck he was bleeding a lot. Breaking out in a cool sweat he pressed down on the injury while trying to recollect his thoughts.

He had to get out of here. Now. But… how? He had heard them before. They were saying something about telling the others to watch the exit … Shit, that wasn´t good at all.

Trying to cover up his wound Izaya tried to wrap his coat around it, as he suddenly noticed something in his pocket.

He would have laughed if it hadn´t exposed him. They fucking forgot to take his phone from him! Finally seeing a string of hope Izaya scrolled through his contacts. It was the phone he used for his clients only, but hey better than nothing. He called the first one on the list.

Michigarawa: Hello?

Izaya: Well hello, long time no see~

He whispered with a faint voice.

Michigawara: Orihara?!

Izaya: Yeah right, ah but don´t worry, I am not calling you for your money, you can still pay me back later. In fact, I would consider paying all your depths, if you help me out, Michigawara-kun.

Michigawara: Help…?

The raven didn´t care by now if he actually trampled over his pride by admitting he needed help. His side hurt too much to fuss over that. So he continued whispering.

Izaya: Yeah that´s right, you see, I have been shot and currently can´t escape of this warehouse. I saw the sea when I was on the roof though, so I guess it´s close to the Victoria harbour and-

A sudden laughter cut of his sentence. Irritated Izaya listened to the voice on the other end of his phone.

Izaya: What the hell is so funny?

Silence. A bad feeling crept up inside him as he waited anxious for a reply.

Michigawara: So you are still here~ Ori-ha-ra-kun~ haha, I am glad to know one of our bullets actually got-

He cut him off. Well fuck, he called the wrong one. Not losing time he proceeded to the next number in his contacts.

Izaya: Ah, Sakurai, I need your help, of course you will get a reward and-

Sakurai: Seriously?! After Michigawara I am the next one you call?! Haha, you´re so fuck-

Cut off.

Fuck it, he knew it were more than just a little group of people that were involved with this. Next one.

Izaya: Usami-san, I-

Usami: Let me guess! You need help, Orihara-kun~? Haha, don´t worry, we will "get" you soo-

Cut off.

Honosuke: Well hello now it´s my turn? Haha, I wish you a nice dea-

Cut off.

Touchiro: Oi Izaya, don´t worry, we will torture you only a little bi-

Cut off.

Tetsuya: I am glad we finally managed to get you, you basta-

Cut off.

Hanataro: Aren´t you getting tired of it already? Noone will-

Cut off.

Yamada: At least let Hanataro finish his sentence you assho-

Cut off.

Mizuo: I think you pissed Yamada off now Izay-

Cut off.

Tachigi: Want me to buy you a coffin?

Cut off.

Seiryu: You still alive~?

Cut off.

Aoi: Die.

Cut off.

Cut off.

Cut off.

Cut off.

Shit! That wasn´t happening! That couldn´t… he just.. no! NO! Not being able to calm down his tremors he was shaking heavily, almost dropping his phone. That was the last number. Everyone of his clients was involved with this.

Shit, he couldn´t even call Celty or Shinra with this useless phone, he had ten fucking phones, so he never bothered to memorize a number. Only his own number it was, that he knew. Sure he always had to give it to his clients, it had craved itself into Izaya´s brain without needing to actually memorize it. Hell, now he would need his other numbers… he would fucking need them. A lump formed in his throat.

Nobody could help him.

He was alone.

He would die.

It felt as if he was choking. Water was almost trying to gather in his eyes, as he suddenly remembered something that made him flinch so hard it hurt his wound.

Still shaking he hastily grabbed his phone again and scrolled through his calling history.

He remembered! It was that day he sprained his ankle and Shizuo borrowed him his phone he recalled. Celty and Shinra didn´t pick up when he called them with it, so he called his own phone at home, hoping that Namie would pick it up if she read the name of the incoming call was Izaya himself. Certainly she did and he got home. The phone he called that time was this phone. The clients only phone. The only one he knew the number of. The one he now held in his hands.

That meant…

"Got it!" he was so relieved he almost yelled from excitement if his voice weren´t that far gone. There it was, in the calling history, an unknown number-

Shizuo´s number.

Without hesitating another second he called.

On the streets of Ikebukuro. Continuation. both point of view.

Must be it, the flea would never get caught that easily.

…

He wouldn´t right…?

Uneasy he stopped in his tracks.

…

What if he did?

No way, it was Izaya he was talking about. The flea that got away from him for years. There was no way he was-

A sudden sound cut of his thoughts. His phone was ringing. He frowned as he saw that it was an unknown number that was calling him. He didn´t pick up.

Dammit you dumb protozoan, pick up your damn phone! Desperately clinging to the device Izaya waited for the call to come through. It had been ringing for quite a while, but no-one answered.

"Fuck!" he hissed between tight lips. His side was beginning to hurt more and more and slowly little white dots started appearing in his vision. Apart from the danger of being found the threat of bleeding to death was now much closer.

"You stupid asshole, please pick up! Please!" Izaya clutched his hair as he laid his head on his bent knees.

"Please…", his voice was only a whisper now.

Shizuo still didn´t pick up, but… whoever the hell was calling him got on his nerves, his phone didn´t stop ringing… After about two more minutes off ringing Shizuo finally snapped and picked up the phone.

"Who are you?!" he asked audibly annoyed.

Izaya couldn´t believe it. He picked up! He felt light headed from the sudden relief, could also be the loss of blood though.

"Hello?!"

"Ah, Shizu-chan, you finally picked up." he answered quickly, fearing the blonde could hang up on him again.

Shizuo couldn´t believe his ears.

"…Izaya?"

"The one and only" Suddenly his anger simply drifted away… somewhere else, Shizuo didn´t know where. He cleared his throat.

"What do you want, flea? And… why are you whispering?"

Izaya paused. Oh shit, he hadn´t thought of that before. He couldn´t just ask his enemy to help him. Well, he did behave quite strange the last few days, but he surely wouldn´t gamble on Shizuo´s weird behaviour in a situation like this. He had to come up with something else.

"Flea?"

"Ah,sorry, I have a cold. Nevermind that, I got your brother and if you don´t get to the warehouse near the Victorian harbour within 20 minutes I will tell my subordinates to kill him."

That´s good. Shizuo´s brother was everything for him. Telling him the guys down below were his allies he sure would beat them to a pulp. No matter if there were bullets involved or not. Izaya smirked at the smart solution he had come to.

Huh..? Confused Shizuo turned around. No matter how you saw it, his brother was still in front of Simon´s restaurant doing his commercial spot.

What´s going on with the flea?

"Ara, you not getting angry already Shizu-chan?~" Izaya whispered.

"Flea, I don´t know what you´re planning, but my brother is like standing 20 meters away from me. So…"

Izaya´s eyes widened. Shit! Why did that damn actor have to be in Ikebukuro today?! Quickly regaining his act Izaya went on.

"Ah, my mistake. I actually meant Tom-san. He is the one I got, so, you gonna come and get him~?"

Shizuo frowned. It was obvious Izaya made that up on the spot… But why? What was going on?

"Tom-san is in Russia, though, what are you planning…?"

Izaya felt as if his heart just jumped out of his throat. Shit! Who else to pick?!

Fuck, didn´t that brute have anyone else he cared about?!

…

No, the only ones would be Celty and Shinra and he wouldn´t believe him if he told him he got either of them.

It´s over…

That´s it, that was his last chance…

He would die.

He began chuckling silently. It was over. For real, his game… he had lost it…

He felt as if he was choked. He flinched as the pain in his side already became unbearable.

Dammit…

"Izaya?" Oh right, that bartender was still on the phone.

"Oi Izaya, what´s going on?" he sighed.

"It doesn´t matter anymore either way…" he whispered.

"What?"

"You can feel relieved, I don´t have anyone precious to you in my claws. I wanted to manipulate you."

"Huh? What are you talking about flea?"

"I will tell you, actually it will quite amuse you I assume. I managed to get caught by my enemies. Oh yeah, laugh all you can, my shit came haunting me back… I am not whispering cause I have a cold, hell I am not even able to raise my voice anymore. I am trapped inside a building, got shot and am now bleeding the fucking life outta me… "

Shizuo nearly dropped his phone as he heard that.

Izaya inhaled deeply, trying to prevent his voice from cracking as he moved on.

"I thought I was lucky though when I realized they had forgotten to take my phone. I could surely manipulate one of my clients to help me, but you know what, they are all behind this. Every single one. Well the last number I found, was yours in the calling history. I used your phone a few days before, you remember?"

Izaya laughed sad.

"I thought I could trick you in coming here, telling you they were my complices you would have given them the beating of their life… Too bad my plan failed."

"DID YOU FIND HIM?" Both, Shizuo as well as Izaya flinched as they heard the yell. Izaya´s predators were coming closer.

"No. What are we gonna do with him when we find him? Kill him off or…" Izaya didn´t need to see the guy to imagine him smiling viciously as he didn´t finish his sentence.

"How about cutting him up? Reallly sloooow…" A shiver ran down Izayas spine as he heard the threat.

Shizuo´s stomach did a backflip. He also had heard every word of them.

Izaya tried his best not to let his voice give up on him now as he spoke his last words.

"Well then, be happy, you finally… won´t ever see me again in Ikebukuro. It´s… It´s been fun being chased by you…Shizuo."

Shizuo felt as if his world just broke down into a million pieces as he heard the flea´s last words.

"WAIT!" he yelled as loud as he could. Izaya almost jumped at the sudden outburst.

"Wha-?"

"WHERE ARE YOU?!" he still didn´t lower his voice.

"What do you-"

"WHERE?!"

"…In a warehouse near the Victorian harbour…" Izaya answered faint, still confused why the blond was so agitated.

"You there, I can borrow that right?!" Shizuo had approached a man sitting on his bike about to drive off. Afraid of the with anger boiling urban legend he nodded and scrammed.

Izaya only heard Shizuo´s voice and was quite confused.

"Shizuo, what are y-"

"Where exactly are you?"

"Huh?"

"Where? Like second floor, first floor…"

What the hell…?!

"What?! Do you plan on helping me Shizu-chan?" Izaya ment to kid that sentence, but his jaw dropped at Shizuo´s answer.

"I am gonna get you now!"

"Eh?"

"Don´t "eh" me, tell me where you are!"

Izaya couldn´t believe it.

For real?! He got his hopes up. Did he really want to help him?!

"I am on the second floor."

"Can you move?"

"Huh? No, I told you they shot me, I already lost so much blood, I can´t even see clearly anymore…"

"…"

"Shizuo?"

Shit, if they find him he is dead!

What the hell, is he really gonna help me?!

"Are you really going to… help me?" Help actually wasn´t quite the right word he had wanted to use, but he didn´t dare to break it to Shizuo that he would be saving his life instead of just helping him by what he did.

"Yeah, I will, so shut up they could hear you."

Izaya couldn´t believe it. Shizuo Heiwajima, his most hated enemy was going to save his life! Just like that, without any reward, threat, whatever he would usually use to get someone to do that… He would do it on his own accord…

Hell must be freezing up…

Izaya thought almost laughing, but that little movement already left him squirming from the pain.

Suddenly he heard a noise. His heart almost stopped, as he realized, that it came not far from him. His eyes widened in fear as he saw the mound of chairs moving.

"Oi, Shizuo… Shizuo, hurry up, I-I think they are coming clo-" he stopped abruptly as suddenly two eyes stared at him over the beds. Shocked the phone slipped out of his hands and fell to the floor.

"Hah? Izaya, what did you say? ... Oi, Izaya?!"

"HE IS HERE! Hahaha! Found you, Orihara-kun~."

BANG

That was a shot. That was a fucking SHOT!

"OI! IZAYA?!" he was cut off.

"FUCK!" raging Shizuo threw the phone away. They found him, shit he had to hurry.

"Well, well Izaya what should we do with you now…?" the man laughed and kicked the informant in his stomach. A small whimper was being heard, but not more.

He was tired, it hurt. Everywhere. He didn´t even have the strength to scream anymore. Otherwise he would. That bastard had shot him into the shoulder as soon as he found him…

Now he was lying curled up to a ball on the floor.

"How about breaking your arm, before we kill you?" While laughing in an insane manner he suddenly stomped onto Izaya´s arm, making it emit a cracking sound.

„Aaah!" A silent scream escaped Izaya´s lips as he felt the pain piercing through him.

"Oh, that sounded nice, come on, won´t you sing more for me…?"

Again he stomped onto his already broken arm, breaking it even more.

„Aah!" Izaya felt sick as he heard the cracking sound and felt immense pain rush through his body. A silent sob escaped his lips. He couldn´t hang on any longer, he wanted it to end. However his predator didn´t seem to care, instead he went on crashing his arm making the flea squirm.

"Please, please stop it…", Izaya begged faint.

"Woah! The great informant Orihara Izaya, begging on his knees! What a sight to behold!" the man laughed amused. He pulled out his gun.

"The boss will be quite angry with me, but fuck I don´t care. You want the pain to stop right~?" He put his finger on the trigger and pointed the gun at Izaya´s head.

"Well then, sayonara you piece of-"

CRASH

A sudden noise cut through the silence.

"IZAYA!" The doors in the hall flew open revealing a raging bartender, covered in blood.

The scene was clear the moment he entered the hall. A man pointing a gun at something behind the furniture. Izaya he assumed. Raging he dashed to the two of them. The man seemed scared and pointed his gun at him. Hell he even shot, but Shizuo didn´t even feel it when the bullet pierced his arm.

"You fucking asshole!"

It was only a matter of seconds. Shizuo grabbed the bastard and punched him in the face, sending him flying over the hall. He didn´t move anymore. However Shizuo could care less, if he just had killed the bastard in his rage or not as his gaze fell onto the flea.

Covered in blood, tears running down his face, as he was lying curled up on the floor. Immediatly he went over to him.

"Hey Izaya!" he didn´t dare touch the flea.

"Sh-Shiz..uo? I-it hurts…" Shizuo felt as if he himself had been shot and tortured as he saw the pained frown on Izaya´s face.

Slowly, trying not to move him too much he placed an arm underneath the raven´s back and legs. Izaya flinched as he did that.

"Wh..at are you do…ing…?" he asked while his breath was coming in short gasps.

Shizuo paused as he heard the flea whisper weakly.

"Don´t worry, I will get you to Shinra." he whispered back soothingly and lifted the flea careful. Izaya didn´t look good at all. His face was pale, and his body was too cold to be healthy. And the blood, oh god the blood. Shizuo stomach turned as he saw and smelled the blood running down the flea´s body. Even he could tell he had lost too much of it already.

He had to get him to Shinra soon!

"Wh…y…?" Shizuo stopped at the faint whisper.

"What?"

"Why a…re y-you hel…ping me…?"

"Don´t worry about stupid things now louse, just- oi!"

Izaya was tired. Really tired. Before he could even think about it his eyes had closed and he felt himself being dragged into darkness.

"Oi Izaya! Open your eyes! OI!" he could hear Shizuos voice in the distance. He was calling his name…

He had helped him.

"Izaya!"

Why? Why did he do that…?

"Iza-"

Why…?

Why are you helping me Shizuo…?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did he die…? XD No, of course not, but what will happen now…? ;D I hope you liked this chapter too if so, tell me, it makes me really happy to read what you think! -^.^-
> 
> PS.: Um, I hope my „little" incidents each chapter aren´t too exaggerated. XD I mean by now Izaya was sick, nearly killed, shoved of a high-rise and now even kidnapped and shot…Yeaaaahhhh… and I am still not finished with him… XD I hope you don´t mind my little "let´s hurt/put Izaya in danger"- peculiarity. XD


	6. New bodyguard

Izaya point of view.

"Ah! You´re awake!"

An annoyed sound escaped the informants mouth as the doctor shoved a lamp in front of his eyes. He only opened them seconds ago and now he was blinding him in the process. Izaya mumbled, still not feeling quite awake yet.

"What the hell, Shinra…argh…!" A pained expression carved itself on Izaya´s face as he tried to shove the light away.

His body was ACHING… that was the first thing he noticed as he came to. And not only a little… the moment he tried to move, the wound in his shoulder literally screamed at him.

His side hurt as hell and felt like it was burning. A quick glance to mentioned injury told Izaya the reason. It wasn´t bandaged and Shinra was holding disinfecting liquid in his hands.

He must have been changing his bandages as he woke up.

And his arm… oh god his arm… when he came to he moved it intending to shove Shinra´s fucking annoying light away, which was a big mistake as he soon realized… it fucking hurt!

He didn´t even dare to try moving it again.

"Hurts?" Shinra asked pointing at his arm with a grin on his face.

"Sure as hell… And why the fuck is that something to be happy about?" Izaya hissed annoyed with tight lips. How dare that doctor put on such an expression when the only thing he felt was pain… Wasn´t it a doctors job to make a persons pain go away?!

"Ah no, don´t get me wrong Izaya, if it didn´t hurt now that would mean the shattered bones sliced off the nerves in your arm. The fact that you do feel pain only leaves me relieved, since it means that isn´t the case.", Shinra explained himself.

Izaya gulped.

Oh…

So that´s what this was about. He took another glance at his arm. It was wrapped up tight with white bandages and held in place by a sling bound around his neck. A buldge underneath carving itself along his arm told him that he wore a splint.

"Ah, but don´t worry, I have already patched up your arm as good as I could, not using gypsum of course, I know how much you hate that. It´s healing well for now."

Izaya sighed. So he had at least spared him the humiliation of having to run around with a plaster around his arm. And it was healing we-

Wait…

Surprised he raised his eyebrows. It was already healing? They were speaking about bones there. Bones don´t heal fast… But then…

"Shinra, how long have I been out?"

Izaya didn´t miss the frown that appeared on the doctor´s face for a matter of seconds.

"You were out for 10 days…"

10 days?!

"What the hell?! I was just shot, how could-"

"Izaya, you nearly died."

Shocked, Izaya´s eyes widened at the statement.

Wh- What?!

Sure he was shot, but that had been the case countless times before with no immediate threat at all, not to mention this time they didn´t even hit internal organs, so why...?!

Shinra seemed to notice the confused expression showing on Izaya´s face and began his explanation.

"Apart from your arm, which is completely fractured by the way, you had other injuries, Izaya. Putting a few broken ribs and hematoma aside, you were shot. Twice. The first one you took to the side wasn´t that bad actually. Sure you lost quite an amount of blood, but that´s it. Nothing immediately life threatening, you could have walked around with that for another 1-2 hours before it would have become a serious problem. But that second shot…"

Shinra pointed at his shoulder which was also tightly wrapped up in bandages.

"…was nothing like the others. Let me enlighten you, the shoulder contains the subclavian artery, which feeds the brachial artery. The main artery to the arm, as well as the brachial plexus, a large nerve bundle that controls arm function. You suffered from serious blood vessel damage… Aside from the possibility that you could never feel your arm again, which you were lucky to avoid as we know now, you lost blood. A lot of blood… and way to fast. At the time Shizuo brought you here you were already on the brink of death. A few minutes late and you would have been. Literally bleeded to death if I had to say."

Surprised Izaya eyed Shinra.

"Shizu-chan?" he whispered confused. Suddenly he remembered.

Shizuo had saved his life…! Just like that, without any threat or reward… just out of his own free will. Izaya frowned, what the hell was going on…?!

A big smile appeared on Shinra´s face as he went on talking.

"That´s right. Shizuo brought you here and since then didn´t leave for even a second~"

"Ha? What? You mean he is here?" Izaya asked staggered.

"Oh yes, just went out for a smoke before you woke up."

What the hell?! Why was he-?! First he saved his live for whatever fucking motive he had, and now he was staying here waiting for him to wake up…?! Why?!

"Speaking of which, I think you seriously need a bodyguard." Shinra said suddenly. Izaya sighed at the doctor´s suggestion. He already guessed he would mention something like this.

"I don´t thinks so Shinra, that incident was just a once in a lifetime slip up, something like this would´n-"

"Izaya, they came after you."

Perplexed Izaya looked at Shinra.

"…they did what?", he finally managed to stutter out.

"As I already told you Shizuo stayed here every single second since he brought you to me, and I am very grateful for that… Twelve times…"

He sighed as his voice took on an even more serious tone as he went on.

"That´s the amount of people that came here to kill you while you slept."

Izaya´s eyes widened.

What the-?!

"Izaya I don´t know what happened, Shizuo wouldn´t tell me a thing, but you should seriously consider getting a bodyguard, especially considering your current condition."

He cleared his throat.

"That is, if you don´t plan on dying soon."

Izaya still couldn´t connect the dots. It was just unbelievable.

"Wait, so you´re trying to tell me Shizuo…" Shinra nodded at the confused expression the informant was showing.

"Yeah, protected you, Izaya, while you were asleep. He was even sleeping in front of your door to make sure nobody would slip in here. And everytime one showed up he showed them „nicely" the way out. With my furniture though…"

Izaya couldn´t believe it. The fact that there were still people after his life didn´t surprise him as much as the fact that Shizuo watched over him.

He just couldn´t figure out his intentions… Why was he doing all this?! Why save his enemy's life?! For free?! Until now Izaya thought Shizuo was pretty simple minded, but this recent change really left him thinking if he had some sort of ulterior motive. Of course, Shizuo wasn´t one to have ulterior motives to begin with, but otherwise all of his actions wouldn´t make any sense. There just had to be a reason for his weird behaviour.

The sudden creaking of his rooms door cut of his thoughts.

There he was. The man that gave him a headache thinking about stepping into the room.

-Shizuo.

"Ah, Shizuo, good timing, Izaya woke up." Shinra announced happily.

Curious Izaya eyed the blond. If this had been a normal coincidental meeting at Shinra´s place, Shizuo would have screamed his name by now and tried to kill him again. Celty would have tried to stop him with her shadows and Shinra would have yelled after Izaya that he had to stay while he was making a run for it.

That´s the way things should usually be. He frowned. This time it was different.

No matter how closely he watched the debt collector, he couldn´t detect any kind of hatred directed at him. Quite the opposite. Shizuo actually seemed to be somewhat … relieved…? But that couldn´t be, Shinra must have given him quite the medication-cocktail to actually make him believe the brute was concerned about him.

"Well then excuse me, I need to get something." The doctor conveniently announced and disappeared through the door. The grin on his face told him that he was doing this on porpuse… Not that he minded, he sure had a few questions he eagerly wanted a satisfying answer to.

But the ex-bartender didn´t speak a word, nor did he seem to intend to. The raven sighed. He would have to be the one to start the conversation it seemed.

"What? Enjoying the sight?" he mumbled annoyed as the only thing Shizuo did was stare at him intensively. He must have heard him, because suddenly the blond approached his bed, making Izaya flinch in the process.

He was expecting him to do something violent and already tried to think of a way to escape. Anxious he observed the approaching blond, when suddenly…

"How do you feel?" … he asked that.

Confused Izaya looked at Shizuo, meeting golden, concerned looking eyes in the process. He dropped his guard immediately, as he realized he really wouldn´t try anything.

How do you feel? HOW DO YOU FEEL?! What the hell?!

If it was Celty asking him that, he would understand.

If it was Shinra asking him, he would understand.

Even if his sisters asked that, he would understand.

But this was fucking „I want to kill you till you´re dead, flea"-Heiwajima Shizuo! Seriously concerned about his health?! He was supposed to laugh at this or at least be amused by his current condition! But being worried?!

He really had to hold himself back as to not let his mouth gap open in surprise, leaving him to look like an idiot. Slowly trying to recollect his thoughts he decided to just ignore the question. He didn´t feel the need to tell his enemy, even if he didn´t seem to be one, that he was feeling like shit. He decided to counter his question with another one instead.

"Shizu-chan, why did you help me?" After all that was a question he seriously wanted to be answered. The earlier he asked the better it was. But said blond didn´t even flinch at the question, he just looked at him for a while before simply answering.

"No reason."

Izaya´s jaw nearly dropped at that crappy excuse. That wasn´t even close to a satisfying answer. Angry he began to yell.

"Ha…? The hell?! Tell me the truth! Spit it out, what do you wan-...argh!" Izaya suddenly stopped, flinching.

Shit. He had raised his voice to much and his body gladly seemed to remind him just how broken he was. Hissing he tried to sit up when suddenly something happened, that yet again left him with a staggered expression.

Obviously with only one hand and injuries like these this task was actually quite difficult for him to achieve. Well, that´s the case normally if you don´t have a certain individual standing beside you, that suddenly decides to interfere. As if it was the most common thing in the world he swiftly wrapped his arms around the flea´s unharmed shoulder and back to gently help him up.

"Oi, don´t overdo it flea, you just woke up." Izaya glanced angry as well as confused at Shizuo still leaning over, watching him closely with his golden eyes.

What. the. hell?!

"Why did you do that?" Izaya asked perplexed, this time with a more quiet voice.

"What?"

"Just now, why are you so…" he didn´t know how to put it into words so he just named the first thing that came to mind.

"…different?" Not quite the perfect description, but the blond got the gist. Shizuo sighed and brushed through his hair.

"Aren´t you so smart? Go and figure it out yourself." Was the only answer Izaya got, because with these words Shizuo turned around and made his way out of the room, leaving a dumbfounded Izaya behind.

What the-

"Wait, that doesn´t aswer my ques-oi!" But he just ignored him and closed the door. Raging Izaya stared at the closed entrance.

Did that bastard really walk off on him just now?!

Shizuo point of view

"Ah, Shizuo, killed him yet?" Shinra was sitting on the couch obviously just making a move on Celty. Embarrassed she shoved him off and began typing on her PDA.

(That´s not funny Shinra!) She punched him lightly on his arm.

"Haha, it was just a joke darling, of course he wouldn´t even think of killing him now, aren´t I right? Ne, Shizuo~?"

An uneasy feeling crept up inside Shizuo as he saw the strange look on Shinra´s face.

…

He knows something…

"So, how is your "enemy"~?" Shinra asked with a bright smile on his face as the word enemy brushed over his lips.

Yup. Definitely…

"He seems fine to me, not that I care." Shizuo tried to cover up.

"Sure~" Shinra just replied with a smirk.

Shizuo eyed Celty, who was obviously not getting what Shinra was pointing at… Sighing he took yet another of his smokes and excused himself or a while.

Well, so much for keeping his love a secret…

-outside-

Calm he observed the slowly fading smoke, blown away by the nightly breeze…

…

So he was okay. Relieved he closed his eyes and tilted his face upwards to face the night sky.

He was really okay… sure, beaten up quite bad and probably out of business for a while, but alive. Fucking alive! Shizuo had thought his heart would stop when the flea had suddenly decided to fucking stop breathing in his arms...!

Furious he stormed to Shinra´s apartment, not bothering to knock first he just had slammed down the door, crashing the door frame in the process.

Just in time as he learned later.

According to Shinra Izaya was actually really dying at that moment and even one minute later could have been the end for the flea.

Shaking he dropped the cigarette on the ground. God, he had never been that terrified in his whole fucking life!

Stupid flea, don´t scare me like that…

Shinra definitely suspected ... no, probably knew about Shizuo´s feelings… Well he couldn´t blame him, as obviously as he was acting it actually surprised him that Celty didn´t connect the dots till now… he was fucking sitting in front of the fleas door to make sure nobody got to him while he was asleep… if that wasn´t suspicious enough, then he didn´t know what would be…

He gritted his teeth as he remembered the first night in Shinra´s apartment. Two of these fucked up guys actually went after them! He gave them the beating of their life of course, but seriously they were still coming…

That night he made a decision. It didn´t matter if the flea ever loves him back or not, he didn´t even care if he hated him. But he would protect him! Protect him with his life if necessary! He never again wanted to experience the sense of loss he had when Izaya was on the brink of death.

Presently the flea was in no condition to defend himself, and now that he was awake it would prove to be quite difficult to protect Izaya without him noticing and fussing about his reasons…

Damn fucking flea and his reasons. He was glad he came up with the "Izaya should figure it out himself if he is smart"-excuse. As much pride as the flea had he probably wouldn´t ask again too soon.

He brushed through his hair…

Now then, what to do?

Izaya point of view

"You finished your talk I heard?" Shinra grinned as he entered the raven´s room again. Izaya sat on his bed still angry at the blond.

"You couldn´t call that talk, he just went off in the middle that brute." He stated annoyed, tossing the sheets aside. Not getting answers he seeked was really ticking his boxes.

"Ara, you shouldn´t talk bad about your saviour Izaya~." He shot a glare at him for that comment.

"Shut you trap Shinra."

The damn doctor sure knew how to annoy him. Still, even if Shizuo saved his life, he didn´t own him a thing. After all he didn´t ask him for help. Sure he called his phone with the intention of luring him to his location. But his plan failed and it was solely Shizuo´s decision to come and get him despite that fact.

No matter what his reasons were, he sure as hell shouldn´t expect Izaya to believe he was now in debt to him.

"But you know… if I were you I would try not to piss Shizuo of now…" Shinra suddenly said, cutting of his thoughts. Surprised he eyed the doctor and frowned.

"What? You think I am scared of him? I have never been and that won´t change now Shinra."

Seriously, how long did they knew each other? Shinra should know better than to assume Izaya would be scared of Shizuo just because he couldn´t run away from him like he did usually.

"Actually that´s not what I was talking about." Shinra suddenly objected.

Now the doctor got him curious.

"Huh? Then what do you mean?" Izaya got even more curious, as Shinra suddenly put on his serious-doctor-face and approached him slowly, seemingly trying to find the right words for whatever he had to say.

"Izaya, I mentioned it before, ne? These guys are continuing to come after you and you are in no condition to defend yourself- and don´t even even try to argue with me. Remember, I was the one to patch you up."

Izaya would like to argue about that, but even though he hated to admit it, he was right. If some of these guys were to come after him alone… Well the outcome would be pretty clear he guessed. But what was he pointing at?

"…So?"

He sat down on the chair beside his bed, leaning forward, like a parent would when trying to persuade their child to do something . Didn´t sit well with him at all. He cleared his throat.

"Well, as you know Shizuo has been fending them off quite effectively if I say so, moreover he has a good reputation if you could consider it that way, he is strong, reliable… In short, nobody would try to approach you, if-"

"Wait." Izaya cut him off as realization dawned on him just what Shinra tried to suggest.

"Are you fucking telling me, I should hire Shizuo as my bodyguard?!" Izaya raged, barely under the voice volume that made him squirm.

"You do remember that we hate each other?! Right?! That we constantly try to KILL each other, and you tell me I should hire him as my bodyguard?! Why don´t you get me coffin right away, would have the same outcome!"

He couldn´t fucking believe it, what did that doctor smoke that he got such a ridiculous idea?! Still not seeming to understand Izaya´s point he just frantically went on rambling.

"Ma, please listen, Izaya. I know you hate each others guts, but he saved you remember? No matter what reason he had he saved you of his own free will, and he stayed here protecting you out of his own free will, even if we don´t know his motives, if they contain your safety, does it matter? The point is, in the whole world you couldn´t get any better bodyguard than him, and you know that. Please Izaya, even if you´re an asshole, you´re also my friend, consider it."

Izaya furrowed. He hated Shizuo. No, he loathed him… and yet, he did have a point there. It was a simple fact that nobody could beat Shizuo in terms of strength. Hell even a bullet wouldn´t hurt him too much he guessed. And there was also that other aspect Shinra didn´t know about… since all of his clients betrayed him, Shizuo was probably the only one he could trust now. Actually if he thought about it he kind of understood what Shinra was getting at.

But… He frowned yet again.

What if he noticed something…? Sure he was stupid, but not that stupid. One mistake and his worst enemy would know exactly how to make him squirm...

On the other hand, while Shinra would pester him the whole day with it he could just ask Shizuo. He was talking about Shizuo Heiwajima, who hated him just as much as he did. Moreover he was a man reacting on instincts. The possibility of him agreeing to be the bodyguard of his most loathed enemy was incredibly slim.

He shrugged his shoulders in feigned defeat.

"Fine I will ask him."

Immediately Shinras face lit up like a christmas tree. Izaya chuckled at the childish reaction he got.

"That´s good~! Should I get him for you?" he asked eagerly.

Izaya waved his good hand carefree.

"Do what you want."

Instantly he shot up and ran out of his room while yelling.

"Shizuooooo~"

Izaya sighed. What was Shinra thinking? That he would agree? No fucking way. Even if Shizuo was unpredictable. That was something he once in a while was 100% sure of would never happen. He jerked his head up when suddenly the door creaked and Shizuo stepped inside.

"What do you want flea?" he asked. Izaya sighed. Oh well, how should he start.

"Just so you know, that wasn´t my idea, that´s all Shinra´s plan."

Good, first blame Shinra, then tell him the plan.

"What is?" he asked annoyed while looking out of the door. He bet Shinra was still standing there curiously observing the situation. Okay, he didn´t want to beat around the bush so he put it as simple as he could.

"Shinra thinks it would be for the best if I hired you as my bodyguard."

Silence.

Silence and a confused look on Shizuo´s face, that was the reaction he got. Quite an amusing one if he had to say. Just the expression on Shizuos face when he looked to Shinra seemingly asking „did he really say what I think he did?" was priceless.

"…ha?", was the only intelectual response he managed to give. Well, couldn´t blame him he wouldn´t have reacted otherwise if it was the other way round… maybe he would have even began to laugh. He chuckled, so once in a while even Shizuo was predictable. He smiled as he continued.

"Ridiculous right? Of course I would pay you a fair amount of money but you would have to live in my apartment, not kill me, watch over me 24/7, protect me and so on… You get it, so just to prevent Shinra from nagging, please tell him, just what exactly your answer is, Shizu~chan."

Izaya giggled, putting on a face that said "told ya", as Shinra peeked into the room.

"Okay."

"See Shinra I thought so, that´s wh-"

He froze. Confused Izaya shrugged and looked at his enemy.

…

…

WHAT?!

"Okay?!" Did he really just say OKAY?! No, no, no, he must have misheard, there was no way that-

"Yeah, okay, as in I take the job. But you can keep your dirty money, who knows how you earned that."

Baffled Izaya stared at the person standing in front of him. Yeah, no doubt this was Shizuo Heiwajima. And for fucking hells sake he just now agreed to be his bodyguard…!

"You… you would seriously-?! Without even being pai-?! Why?!"

Only broken sentences escaped his lips as he tried to comprehend what just happened. He didn´t get it, there had to be a limit to just how unpredictable that brute was!

"I think, I already told you to figure it out yourself."

That smartass comment again, that damn- he was about to spat something back at the blonde, when suddenly Shinra interrupted and placed himself just between the two of them.

"Okay, let me cut off this conversation~ Since it´s clear Shizuo is going to do the job I would kindly ask you to leave now Izaya~"

Surprised Izaya cocked his eyebrow.

"Whoa, why the hurry Shinra?" he asked.

"Well as I already told you there are certain individuals after your life and if Shizuo beats another couple of them up I am not confident my furniture will survive it~ Ah and Shizuo."

Izaya noted Shinra changing back to serious doctor mode as he talked to the blond.

"Izaya is seriously injured, in fact he shouldn´t even be walking around, but I don´t think he would listen to that either way. Well, I will turn a blind eye on that, but he is absolutely not allowed to do anything else than to rest. No lifting heavy object as well, though I would say that would hurt pretty damn much… If he still tries to pull something… knock him out~"

Shinra grinned at the last statement and patted Shizuo on the shoulder.

"Shinra!" Izaya growled.

"Got it." Shizuo answered.

Horrified Izaya looked at the debt collector. Oh god, what did he do to deserve this?!

He sighed and slowly tried to heave himself of the bed. Which proved to actually be simpler than sitting up before. Kinda logical since he didn´t have to use as many of his abdominals to complete that task. Well, it still hurt, but was bearable.

Only as he stood he realized, that everyone´s eyes had been resting on him in the process.

"What?" he asked annoyed. He didn´t like being stared at as if he was some rare animal.

Shinra shrugged and kindly stepped out of the way as Izaya brushed past him. With a glare he asked the doctor about his beloved coat. Immediately he went and got it. And to Izaya´s utmost surprise, it wasn´t damaged.

"Ah, it was stained with blood, so Celty cleaned it, I guess you don´t mind~?" Shinra smiled as he handed it over. Izaya nodded and mumbled a small thanks. With Celty´s help he put one arm into his coat and wrapped the other half securely around his body.

He quickly thanked Shinra despite being quite pissed off at him, before stepping out of the secure apartment. After all he did save his life.

-10 minutes later. Shinjuku.-

It was cold. The two of them had taken a taxi from Ikebukuro to Shinjuku. They didn´t speak one word during the ride. However that damn taxi-driver didn´t drive them directly to Izaya´s apartment. Bastard claimed he had to do something important... Sure…

Freezing he wrapped up his coat a bit more and flinched when he accidentally brushed against his waist. Ever since they left the apartment his side has been throbbing painfully. Just standing had been okay, but walking seemed to be a whole different thing.

That was the main reason why he had decided to drive here instead of walk. Ever since he got out of the car his wounds had started to hurt worse and worse…

"You´re slow..." Shizuo suddenly mumbled.

He glared at the debt collector, walking right beside him. Hell yeah he was fucking injured! Did he expect him to bounce around the way he usually did or-

"… does it hurt?" Izaya paused.

Oh… so that´s what he was getting at. Izaya forgot this was the new frigging weird version of Shizuo Heiwajima, treating him as if he weren´t his most loathed enemy.

He shook his head.

"No it doesn´t." No way in hell would he tell the brute he was in pain. He couldn´t trust him. Even if this was the new weird version of Shizuo he could just be acting and waiting for an opportunity to-

…

No, if that´s what he wanted, then he could have just left him in the warehouse when he called him that time… He wasn´t out to kill him it seemed…

Still it took a lot more to earn trust from Orihara Izaya.

"If you say that…" Shizuo sighed and grabbed one of his cigarets. Izaya inhaled deeply, as he moved on. He just needed to concentrate on something else.

Right, how about Shizuo? He still hadn´t come to a conclusion why he was acting so weird lately.

Maybe something had happened? But what could that be, that it changed this raging blonde into this? Nobody died, that he was sure of.

He shivered as a cold blow brushed past them. Reminding Izaya of the coldness and the more and more hurting wounds he had. He quivered after almost every step now.

Fuck… only a few blocks more…

"Oi flea, you seriously okay?"

He looked up into these golden eyes watching him with concern. He looked away. Oh fuck no he was not, but he would never admit that.

"It´s …nothing." He spat between tight lips as he went on moving. However as stubborn as Izaya was, his body didn´t play along.

Since the only thing he had done these last ten days was to ly in bed his body was lacking energy. It didn´t have the power to just walk around again like nothing happened at all and so the inevitable happened.

Just as he took another painful step Izaya´s legs suddenly gave away beneath him, leaving him to fall down in the direction of the hard concrete. He already closed his eyes tightly as he suddenly felt strong arms, wrapping themselves securely around the ravens waist, preventing him from falling flat face onto the ground.

"Izaya!"

Surprised, but in too much pain Izaya stayed in that position. He didn´t know what to do. His legs were gone for good, and the only thing preventing him from falling down on the ground were Shizuo´s arms. Shizuo seemed to notice that he couldn´t move anymore as he sweared.

"Shit!" Izaya would have expected the blonde to drop him here and there and just walk away, discarding his job as his "bodyguard", but what he did next showed Izaya again just how unpredictable he really was.

While he was still in pain he suddenly felt himself being flipped around and pulled into Shizuo´s chest. A hand slid down to his legs and before he knew it his enemy was carrying him bridal-style.

"What are you doing?" Izaya managed to ask between short gasps. He didn´t know whether he should feel embarrassed, angry or just relieved that he didn´t have to walk anymore.

"Carrying you stupid flea. You should have told me earlier if it was that bad." Shizuo grunted annoyed.

Izaya sighed. He would have loved to ask him why, but he was too tired and hurt to actually argue with Shizuo right now and decided to just keep his mouth shut for the time being.

Being carried actually wasn´t that bad of a feeling he had to admit. Embarrassing, but comfortable. He closed his eyes. Shizuo was warm. Much warmer than his coat…

-a few minutes later-

The sound of keys clinking caught his ears. Slowly he opened his eyes again. It was even warmer than before. Only at second glance he noticed that they were already in front of his apartment.

He realized Shizuo was still carrying him. So he had fallen asleep he guessed. Embarrassed he noticed the exact position he was in. While sleeping he had snuggled much closer into Shizuo´s chest and was now gripping his white shirt tightly.

A flush spread accross his face as he jerked away, emitting a grunt from the blonde.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Izaya looked surprised at the bartender. That was certainly the last thing he was concerned about now… Only then he realized what it was that had woken him up. Shizuo had been trying to get his keys out of his coat without waking him up.

Well, he didn´t succeed. He sighed and fished them quickly out of his pocket handing them over to the blond.

Without further delay they entered Izaya´s apartment. Questioning Shizuo eyed the flea.

"The bedroom is…?"

"Over there.", he answered and pointed at the door on the other end of the room. Still feeling rather embarrassed by it, Shizuo carried him into his room and dropped him gently on his bed.

He certainly never would have guessed that the blond could be that gentle and cautious. Yawning Izaya tossed his coat aside he really just wanted to sleep now. Suddenly he paused and looked at Shizuo who observed him intensively.

"…What?"

"Say, do you need help changing?", he pointed at his shoulder and arm. Izaya shrugged. Taking of his coat had been no problem, but taking of his shirt would prove to be one. He wore just a blouse probably from Shinra, which was normally easy to remove, but with his shoulder and all… Sure, he definitely could need help, but he would never admit that.

"No." He answered. Shizuo sighed, and to Izayas surprise suddenly bent forward.

"Alright, I already know that one…"

Surprised Izaya jerked away when Shizuo grabbed his shirt.

"Don´t worry, I won´t hurt you." He promised. He misinterpreted his actions. God he could care less now if it hurt, this was fucking embarrassing!

Shizuo quickly unbuttoned his shirt and afterwards slowly removed the sling with one hand while holding Izaya´s arm in place with the other. While sliding of one half of his shirt Shizuo suddenly stopped and looked at Izaya.

"You are way too skinny you know that?" he asked the informant.

"Just shut up…" Izaya whispered abashed. Seriously, how long did he intend changing him…?

Glady he didn´t hesitate any longer and in a few minutes he finished changing his shirt. As soon as that happened Izaya shoved him away, claiming he could change his trousers himself.

To his relief Shizuo did as he said and went out of the bedroom. Changing his trousers really wasn´t much of a problem. When he finished he suddenly heard a screeching noise coming from the living room. Uneasy he eyed the closed door.

What was that?

"Shizu-chan?" he called.

Suddenly the door opened revealing the source of the racket. Dumbfounded Izaya looked at the couch, which he was sure of was usually standing in the middle of his living room and not directly in front of the stairs to his bedroom door.

"What are you doing?" Izaya asked Shizuo annoyed.

"Well, that way nobody can get in here without meeting me, right?" Shizuo simply answered. Leaving a surprised expression on Izaya´s face.

Whoa, he is really taking this seriously.

…okay? I guess?

"… just try not to make to much noise, I wanna sleep." He mumbled and let himself drop back onto bed.

"Ah sure, good night flea." With these words Shizuo closed the door, leaving Izaya alone.

What the fucking hell?! trying to collect his thoughts he summed up what had happened that day.

He woke up.

He got told he nearly died.

His clients were still after his life.

Shizuo was now his bodyguard.

Shizuo fucking carried him home.

Shizuo helped him change.

Shizuo was sleeping in front of his room.

Shizuo didn´t behave the way he usually did! That really ticked him off. And for fucking gods sake, he still didn´t have a clue, what his reasons for acting that way could be?!

Shizuo point of view.

Sighing he dropped himself on the couch in front of Izaya´s bedroom.

That Shinra… He didn´t miss the smile he was giving him when Izaya asked him to be his bodyguard. He smiled.

Well played. Now he could protect the flea without needing any kind of excuse. Maybe it wasn´t that bad that he had discovered his feelings.

He glanced at Izaya´s door.

…

It weren´t only his clients, that were after Izayas life… did he know that? Uneasy he remembered when he met Arizawa… that guy wanted to kill him too, and damn he even got this apartment right above to observe the flea.

He sighed. Thank god he remembered to ask the flea where his bedroom was despite already knowing it. If he just carried him there the flea sure would have become suspicious immediately.

But the thought of Arizawa hiring yet another "observer" was even more scary than the idea of the flea finding him out.

That was the main reason Shizuo moved the couch in front of Izaya´s door. If that bastard or his lackeys were still up there he could conveniently come down in the middle of the night and finish his job.

Only over my dead body.

He would never let that happen.

Never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well together for 24/7 from now on…? This could be fun… ;D
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter as well even though it wasn´t as intense as the last one. -^.^- Next will also be more on the cute and fluffy side. I hope you don´t mind. ^.^


	7. The statement

Both point of view. Izaya's apartment.

It was bright, that was the first thing Shizuo noticed as he woke up this morning.

Yawning, he sat up straight from a not too comfortable position. The couch he had been lying on wasn´t quite relaxing... Sleepy, he looked around and realized he wasn´t in his own apartment. For a moment he was irritated.

Where...?

But only for a moment, as he suddenly realized, what was going on.

Right… He was in the flea's apartment. He smiled. Not the one above, but the real one.  
Izaya was hurt and being targeted by several evil individuals and he, Shizuo Heiwajima, was now his bodyguard.

He took a look at his phone. Today Tom would be coming back. He sighed, he would have to tell him that he couldn´t work for him right now.

He looked at the clock hanging in Izaya's living room.

8 am.  
He got up. Well now that he was awake he could make some breakfast as a start.

He drowsily made his way to the kitchen and opened the fridge.

Compared to his own, which was usually empty or filled with milk, pudding and sweet stuff, the raven actually had a lot to choose from here… Eggs, all kinds of vegetables, fruits, yoghurts, ootoro of course… he cringed his nose. The flea´s fridge really contained a lot of stuff, but not quite what he preferred.

He decided to settle for eggs, since that would probably be the only thing he and the flea would like…

Just as he's prepared to start cooking, a loud bump coming from the flea´s bedroom startled him. Surprised he turned around, the door to Izaya's bedroom was still closed.

"Izaya?" he said aloud.

…

No answer.

Worried, he went out of the kitchen, moved the couch placed in front of the stairs that led to the flea's bedroom, went up and opened the door.

Relieved, he saw what had caused the racket. Izaya was just lying on the floor again, as he had several days before. Shizuo guessed he probably fell out of bed again because of this fucking restless manner of sleep he had.

„Flea?" An annoyed grunt was the answer he got from the raven, still lying flat face on the ground.

„Good morning to you too Shizu-chan~." He gritted between his teeth.

Only then Shizuo realized, that a fall out of bed must have hurt quite a bit considering the flea's injuries.

„Shit… you okay?" he asked the raven, now concerned.

The informant rolled his eyes at the stupid question. Falling out of bed and landing directly on his hurt right shoulder and waist… honestly, how stupid was that damn protozoan?

„Never felt better." he spat sarcastically and tried to get up again. Which was just as bad an idea, as it had been the day before… the pain still didn´t seem to fade. Sighing he realized, that he hadn´t gotten better one bit since yesterday.

These painkillers Shinra gave him worked nothing.

Shizuo, however, seemed to notice that too. He approached the flea and, before Izaya could even protest, picked him up from the floor and with a swift movement sat him back on the edge of his bed.

Izaya was so startled by the sudden motion that he didn´t even have time to react. Annoyed, he looked at the debt collector. He didn´t need his fucking help. Especially when he didn´t know the reason for it. He glared at the ex-bartender. Shizuo seemed to notice his dissatisfied look.

"What?"

Izaya sighed.

"Nothing." Even if he had asked him he wouldn´t get an answer either way. Suddenly Shizuo looked into his eyes again. With that kind of look, which was holding no hate, but something else Izaya was too groggy to figure out.

"So, how do you feel?" was the question that left his lips next. Izaya sighed.

Like shit… he thought to himself.

"Fine." he answered Shizuo. Said man just frowned at the reply.

"Oh yeah, I saw that yesterday."

Blushing, Izaya remembered what happened the day before. Oh god... he was fucking being carried home! Sure, he was in pain, but to allow something like this… had he really sunk so low?!

"Shut up, I don´t know why you bother anyway!" Izaya snapped back annoyed.

Shizuo crocked his eyebrow in amusement.

"Oh? So you want to tell me the best information broker of Ikebukuro lacks information?"

He earned a glare for that. But instead of a snappy answer Izaya's mouth just dropped open and closed again.

Huh? that was a rare sight, the flea at a loss for words. Shizuo laughed. That was certainly an expression he wouldn´t forget for life.

"Stop laughing, you damn protozoan!" Izaya hissed and already prepared another insult, when suddenly the growling of his stomach roared through the room.

Shizuo chuckled, Izaya blushed.

„You hungry flea?" Shizuo asked him, smiling.

How fucking amused he is by this whole situation… Izaya thought, but yeah, he really was hungry. Now that he thought about it, he had been sleeping for a fucking long time and couldn´t even remember the last time he had a decent meal…

Izaya already wanted to reply when his stomach took the opportunity instead and growled again. So much for the tiny bit of his remaining pride… he already saw it packing its belongings and flying happily out of the window.

"Get up flea, I am making us breakfast." Shizuo announced and headed back for the kitchen.

Surprised, Izaya looked at Shizuo.

"What?" Did he hear right? Shizuo turned around again.

"Breakfast. You know that thing you eat in the morning after you wake up." he joked, already expecting a snappy reply from the flea, but to his surprise he just got a pretty staggered-looking expression followed by a thoughtful frown.

"Sure."

Puzzled, Shizuo rose his eyebrow. What´s wrong with him now...? Still puzzled by the reaction he got from the flea, he watched him as he stood up, visibly flinching in the process and swaying unsteadily in the direction of the kitchen.

Shizuo observed him… if it was going his way, then he would be carrying the flea by now instead of letting him walk around in pain.

But he would surely just begin to protest. The day before he was pretty much knocked out, but today he wouldn´t just give in like that… he thought. However, only a few seconds later he begged it to be different.  
And the cause of it were the stairs.

Just as Izaya stepped on the first one he flinched in pain.

Shit... it hurt. Stepping down and stretching his wound... fuck, why the hell has he even decided to build fucking stairs in his apartment?!

A glance down the stairs told him that Shizuo was staring at him.

And there it was again. That look. That "I wanna help you" face Shizuo was making didn´t sit right with the flea at all. He was supposed to hate him! Not help! He didn´t need help! Especially from a brute like Shizuo! And that fucking concerned look…

Never in his whole live had anyone been concerned about him!

Never!

And he never trusted anyone!

Never ever!

So who the fuck did Shizuo think he was, continuously pestering him and making him believe that he actually …cared?!

Angry, he motioned to take yet another step, somehow he had to get down there after all. And he would certainly not accept any help from Shizuo.

"Hurts?" Seriously pissed Izaya looked at Shizuo. And there he was going at it again, offering help he didn´t need.

"No" Shizuo frowned angrily at that comment.

"I know it does."

"And I said it doesn´t" Izaya rolled his eyes. Didn´t that brute get that he didn´t need his support?

"Izaya, do I really have to get a mirror for you to see just how pained you look right now? Just let me help you." Shizuo sighed, slightly annoyed.

"I don´t need your help." He spat back.

"But you-" Shizuo began but Izaya just had to cut him off.

"No, I said I don´t-"

„IZAYA!" that fucking did it. Izaya flinched surprised at the sudden outburst of the blond.

„Stop acting like a fucking stubborn kid!" Shizuo went on yelling and approached Izaya. Said man backed away slightly.

„Huh?! Who is acting like-"

„YOU! YOU, YOU, YOU!" Shizuo yelled at the top of his lungs. "Damn it Izaya, you nearly died, only woke up yesterday, look pained almost all of the time and tell me nothing is wrong?! Just how long do you intend to be this damn stubborn?!"

"I am not-"

"Fuck, yes you are, Izaya! Stop that! I know you have that fucking pride of yours, but there is a limit! It´s just me, a stupid protozoan as you call me, you don´t have to act that way around me. If you tell me one more time that everything is okay, I am fucking killing you!"

He threw a punch to the wall of Izaya's apartment leaving a hole in the process.

"…doesn´t make much sense, don´t you think? You killing me I mean…" Izaya countered his statement, unsure of how to handle the debt collector now.

"Cut the crap, you know what I mean Izaya."

…

He shut it and gulped. To be perfectly honest, Izaya had never seen Shizuo that angry in his life, and that meant a lot after these many years of fighting each other… He just didn´t get why…

" … how the fuck am I supposed to protect and help you when you torture yourself by doing things that obviously strain you?! Listen, I want you to tell me, if you are in pain or need anything, did that get through your thick skull?"

Izaya sighed. Well, what to answer? A no would definitely result in something that Izaya was not in the mood for now… he had been standing on these damned stairs the whole time and was hurting all over…

He took another glance at the still raging Shizuo.

…

Fuck it, he was too tired of pretending he wasn´t hurt and dragging himself along… And even though he hated to admit it, Shizuo somehow got a point... it was just the stupid protozoan who would see him… giving in that is…

He nodded and earned a more relaxed expression on the debt collector's face as a reward.

"Good."

Now he was tired… and hungry. But the stairs were still there… He sighed.

Fuck it…

"Shizu-chan...?"

"Yeah?" Izaya looked away, embarrassed.

„Hurts…"

That was enough for Shizuo. Immediately he went up to the flea and picked him up, carrying him down the torturous stairs. He sighed.

"And that was so difficult?" he asked while seating the informant on the chair in front of the kitchen counter.

"…sure was…" Izaya began, still quite abashed by the fact that Shizuo has just carried him yet again…

"I absolutely never ever accept help from anybody… I haven´t done so my whole life and now you are going and telling me to rely on you…"

"Never?" surprised, Shizuo raised his eyebrow.

"Never. You can´t trust anybody, thus you can´t accept help from anybody, it´s just a self-defense… excuse me for being careful you idiot." Izaya tried to explain. Suddenly Shizuo approached him again, just to look him directly into his eyes, before he spoke in a really low and soothing voice.

"Izaya, if I really wanted to kill you right now, didn´t it occur to you, that I would have already done it by now?"

Whoa, why was he so close now?

"Sure did… but without a fucking reason this means nothing…"

He looked away, he couldn´t stand Shizuo looking so intensively into his eyes. Kinda stirred a weird sensation. He mumbled on.

"Just why are you…" A grin appeared on Shizuo´s face. Izaya sighed.

"Oh yeah I know... figure it out yourself I guess?"

"Now you get it flea."

How irritating…

"Come on at least give me a hint... did you lose a bet?"

First thing that came to mind…

"Well that´s for you to find out."

Annoyed, Izaya leaned on the counter and watched Shizuo as he began preparing breakfast.

"You really like to annoy me right?"

Shizuo just chuckled as a response and turned around to finish cooking the scrambled eggs. Izaya watched him intensively. Kinda weird, having Shizuo in his apartment, cooking for him…

"Eeh..~ Not even poisoning it I see?" he announced. Shizuo laughed as he turned around again and served him his portion. He himself sat down beside the informant.

"I would be a pretty shitty bodyguard if I killed you right?" Izaya giggled.

"Whoa, Shizu-chan uses his brain."

"Tch. Shut up."

Hungry, he tried a bite and his eyes widened in surprise. What the hell did he put in there? That was really delicious! Happy, he continued eating. His mind trailed back to his past a bit… He smiled. This was probably the first time someone actually cooked him breakfast… how nice…

"Thanks." He mumbled.

Shizuo raised his head.

"What did you sa-"

Surprised, he paused. Izaya had put on an expression the blond had never ever seen before, he couldn´t even have imagined him looking like that. Izaya was smiling. Neither his usual grin nor a masked one, but genuine. A really genuine smile. Shizuo couldn´t believe his eyes. Was eating making him that happy…?

Izaya seemed to have noticed Shizuo staring at him and frowned again.

"What?"

"Nothing." Izaya eyed him suspiciously.

Shizuo sighed, so much to the nice atmosphere they had before. He finished eating, stood up and grabbed his jacket.

"Gonna go outside for a smoke..." he announced.

"Go ahead." Izaya's stare followed him, until he closed the door. Izaya sighed heavily.

"God, that was weird…" He knew exactly what kind of expression he must have made and scolded himself for it. He wasn´t used to keeping up his masks 24/7. At least when Namie wasn´t here he could relax. He tilted his head back and looked at the ceiling.

"And again Shizuo is disturbing my pace…"

He finished eating, got up and went to his computer. At least he was able to walk that short of a distance… he turned it on.

„Now, let´s see, what´s been going on in my absence~?"

Curious, he browsed through his different informative websites. He read lots of interesting things, new rumors, all kinds of stuff, but as he stumbled over a certain piece of information he suddenly paused in shock. Uneasy, he read out aloud.

"The corpse has now been identified… it turned out to be the former co-company chief Shinge- WHAT?!" Surprised, he lunged forward. He couldn´t believe what he was reading. Shingeki was dead, yeah okay, shit happens, but what really honestly sent a shiver down his spine was the time it happened. They found the corpse 12 days ago.

12 days.

So the day Izaya had been kidnapped… he was already dead!

That could only mean one thing: someone else was after his life. Till now he thought the guys that kidnapped him were just spouting nonsense when they said Shingeki wasn´t their boss. Maybe he had introduced himself with another name and they just didn´t recognize him as Shingeki, but the fact that he was already dead at that time could only mean that it was really someone else who was behind all this.

He broke out in a cool sweat. This person, whoever it was, knew about him and Shingeki, after all he wanted it to look like it was him who killed him… if they succeeded that is. But that also meant, he knew about their relationship, or to be precise, about their deals… They were only communicating through the chat, which only let him conclude that he infiltrated his computer. That he knew everything he did here.

Now it also made sense how all his clients had conveniently found each other to take him down and why they had all been so damn cooperative the day before. And these weird incidents. The guy who wanted to shoot him, the guy that wanted to push him down the high-rise... He gulped, this was seriously dangerous. Quickly, he turned off the computer. He felt like suffocating as the immediate fear welled up inside him.

He had to act-now.

Fast, maybe a little too fast, he realized, flinching painfully as he stood up and dashed to the door grabbing his coat in the process.

That wasn´t good. Never ever had he been not in control of a situation. Shit… if they found him he was so dead… Good thing this building had an elevator, he wouldn´t have managed to go down the stairs. He stormed out of the building.

He looked around anxiously. Where was that stupid protozoan when he truly needed him?! Suddenly his gaze fell on a group of girls, surrounding a certain individual.

Izaya relaxed a bit as he recognized said individual as Shizuo. They seemed quite interested in the tall blond, which certainly didn´t apply to both sides. It was quite obvious that they were getting on his nerves.

Izaya smirked a bit. Annoyed Shizuo was definitely the best. But he had to admit Shizuo did have the looks to be that popular. Not forgetting the dangerousness of the current situation, he quickly approached the blond.

"Shizu-chan!" Said man rose his head in surprise as he heard the raven's voice.

"Izaya? What are you-?" he paused.

Not awaiting his reply Izaya went up to him and tugged his sleeve.

"Sorry ladies, he has to go now."

"Huh? What do you mean, you´re not going anywhere in your condition." Only now he realized that Izaya still wore the same things as before. Puzzled he looked at the flea. He seemed to be checking his surroundings… and to Shizuo´s surprise he actually seemed to be … anxious? Worried, he watched him.

"Izaya, what-" but the flea didn´t let him finish as he suddenly pulled him down and whispered into his ear.

"Shizuo, I need to go somewhere… now. And you are accompanying me. Don´t even dare to take your eyes off me for a second."

Shizuo frowned. First telling him he didn´t need his help and now telling him not to take his eyes off him for even a second? No matter what it was, something was going on and it smelled damn dangerous. Moreover... Did he just call him Shizuo?!

"What happened?"

"Nothing you need to concern your little brain with Shizu-chan, just do as I told you~." He replied.

He didn´t like the bossy tone the flea was using, but he nodded. Somehow it seemed this wasn´t the time for one of their usual fights.

He followed the flea closely as they moved to wherever Izaya had to go now.

Izaya exhaled, relieved. The fact that Shizuo was with him somehow calmed him way more he would like to admit. As long as he stayed close to this brute nobody could kill him. As long as Shizuo was there he was safe.

They were almost at the informant's destination. Shizuo didn´t leave Izaya out of sight. That way he also noticed how he nervously glanced at his surroundings from time to time and the fact that he was putting on a hurt expression again.

Izaya felt the blond's stare on his back. He turned around and glared at him.

"Shizu-chan I don´t care what you do with me at my apartment, but if you even think of carrying me out here I will fucking kill you."

Shizuo sighed... well he thought as much. Only the fact they were walking besides each other without fighting attracted enough attention as it was.

To additionally avoid meeting more unnecessary people they went through alleys and sideways which turned out to be a good idea, until they suddenly entered one that wasn´t empty. They just had to run into trouble… A man was standing there in the middle of the street grinning at the two of them, looking like he had been waiting.

"Oh my, hello Izaya-kun!" he laughed and approached the two of them. Izaya gasped.

Shizuo shoved the flea behind himself protectively.

"What the fuck do you want?" he asked angrily.

"Oh I just have some business with Orihara over there." he grinned.

Suddenly he heard a squeal and turned around. There was another man, he had approached them from behind, grabbed Izaya by his shoulder and held him still.

The flea, being in pain due to the strong grip on his wound had no choice but to let it happen.

"Haha, now I got ya, when you were of guard!"

Flinching, Izaya saw how the man holding him put a knife to his throat. But Izaya didn´t even have time to say a thing, as a loud crashing sound resounded in the alley.

"Oi, asshole, move that knife even 1 mm and I will show you what hell is like!" Shizuo was visibly raging. He had ripped out a stop sign and was furiously pointing it at the man holding Izaya. Said man was now visibly terrified.

"Oi, oi, wait! Aren´t you Shizuo Heiwajima?! What´s wrong?! You want to see him dead too right?! How about we kill him together?!" he cried.

"How about no?!" And with that he suddenly threw the sign exactly between Izaya and the man´s head, making it crash into the wall. Shocked, the man´s body went limp and equally shocked Izaya tried to peel himself out of his grip as a strong hand grabbed him and Shizuo pulled him into his chest.

However this didn´t go unnoticed. Just that instant the man unfreezed and dashed forward with his knife in his hands, aiming for the raven's back. But he didn´t succeed stabbing him, as Shizuo stretched out his hand and deliberately took the knife into his palm.

„Shizuo!" Izaya squeaked.

Blood spilled on the ground, but said debt collector didn´t even flinch which caused the man to back away terrified. A loud scream escaped his lips as he turned around and head over heels dashed away.

Shizuo turned his head to glance at the other man, but it seemed he had decided to run away even earlier. There was no trace left of him.

Sighing he released the flea who stumbled back a few steps.

"W-What the hell was that, w-what if you hit me?!" Izaya stuttered.

Amused, Shizuo realized that he was talking about when he threw the sign. He chuckled.

"Don´t worry, I have a pretty good aim after these many years of throwing things at you. But really, just what do you do to make everyone want to kill you?" he asked, realizing the flea was still quite agitated.

"Sh-shut up! That was a freak, he is after me since long time ago, apparently I am at fault for him loosing his job or whatever. But I wouldn´t have thought he would… actually try something…" Izaya faded out.

Wait… That wasn´t good… normally a client of that caliber wouldn´t even dare to try anything… and that second guy … he grabbed him by his right shoulder first, almost as if he knew that it was hurt. He gulped. He had a feeling that this certain someone spread information about him in the underground world and above it…

"Was he the reason?" Shizuo asked suddenly. Izaya looked up confused.

"Huh?"

"You were acting pretty alert before, so was he the reason?" he asked again.

Ah, shit, so he wasn´t hiding his fear well… he shook his head.

"No."

Surprised, Shizuo cocked his eyebrow.

"No?"

"That´s …" he sighed. Well, since Shizuo was the one actually protecting him and doing a good job with it by the way, the raven guessed he could let him in on a bit of information. He continued.

"I am being targeted by someone. And no, this isn´t as easy as some people taking advantage of me being hurt. That happened countless times before. This time there seems to be a mastermind that actually uses my clients and other people to kill me. Normally I would be able to track somebody like that down with ease, but he infiltrated my computer, seems to know too much of me already and does a fucking good job at sending these killers after me."

He sighed.

"Shit, that´s not good."

Great, at least Shizuo got the severity of the situation.

"So now we are going to my personal information broker. I need him to find out for me just who this mentioned bastard is." Shizuo looked at Izaya with surprise.

"Your own information broker?"

"Yeah, he will do the job. And after I get the name we will pay that bastard a visit and the end. Nobody will assault me at his command again."

With a look Shizuo couldn´t quite interpret Izaya glanced at Shizuo´s hand. The knife was still sticking in it and blood was oozing out. He gulped.

"…oi, I know you´re a hard one to beat, but doesn´t that hurt? Normally you would have to go to a doctor with it." He asked. Shizuo looked at his hand.

"Please, you have done worse. Just stings a bit. Well, I will go to Shinra´s place after your meeting."

"Really, you´re not fun to deal with." Izaya joked and looked to the ground. Shizuo had saved him yet again…

"…thanks." he mumbled.

"What?" surprised, he looked at the flea. Did he just say what he thought he said?!

"I said thanks… for saving me that is." Izaya repeated embarrassed and turned around to walk on.

"Now come on."

The earlier they got to his informant, the better.

They went on and this time nobody confronted them on their way. And neither of them talked. 5 minutes later they were standing in front of a shabby door in a dark alley. Shizuo frowned. No matter how he looked at it, this place smelled dangerous.

"Well, here we are, you don´t have to follow me in there, Shizu-chan." Izaya motioned to get inside as Shizuo grabbed his hand.

"Wait!" Surprised, Izaya looked at Shizuo.

"What…?" he asked.

"Are you really sure that this is safe?" Izaya sighed.

"Yeah, I am. The person waiting for me inside is probably the only one I am 100% sure of would never kill me." He tried to calm the blond.

"You really sure?" he asked again. Izaya nodded.

"Yes. Just wait here and make sure nobody comes in." Shizuo nodded sceptically and leaned against the door the moment the raven went inside.

-inside. Izaya point of view.-

Sighing he leaned against the closed door. Seemed he had a lucky day, being assaulted and surviving it…

Just what is he planning?! He looked so fucking serious before! And now, it seemed almost as if he would care if something happened to him. He remembered the way Shizuo tugged him forward and out of the man's grip. God, he literally hugged him that moment...! Just like before when they fell from the high-rise... Red tinted his cheeks as he remembered the way he had clung to Shizuo...

He shook his head.

For now he had something else to worry about.

He sighed and stepped down the stairs leading to yet another door. It was locked with a code, but Izaya knew the combination of course.

He stepped into the room. It was completely dark, only a small candle-light in the middle of a single table lit it up a bit. A sofa and a swivel chair stood on both sides of it. A man was sitting in the latter.

He smirked as he saw the informant.

"Oh my, hello Izaya-san, got your ass handed to you I heard, what brings you here?" He chuckled at the sight of a visibly hurt arm and shoulder.

Izaya approached the man and sat down on the sofa opposite of him.

"Shut it, Ryosuke. You have to find something out for me." Said man burst out in laughter as he heard the request.

"You need information? The best information broker in Ikebukuro?! Whoa, what´s wrong? Normally you just want me to spill what new rumors and facts I know, but a specific request?"

Izaya nodded.

"Yeah, this time I really need your skill."

Ryosuke leaned back.

"Oh my, that´s going to cost you a lot Izaya, I hope you realize that?"

"I know. Is triple the usual sufficient?" he didn´t miss to notice the smile that crept over Ryosuke´s face as he spoke. He sure was one greedy bastard.

"Sounds good to me. Now, what is it that you want to know so bad?" He took a cigarette out of his coat and lit it. Finally he was in a serious mode…

With that Izaya spilled what had happened these last two weeks. He told him about the mails discussing the deals with Shingeki, his kidnapping, the possibility of a high-caliber being the true mastermind and everything else that happened or he had discovered up to now.

The informant nodded as Izaya had finished.

"So basically you want me to find that bastard and if possible finish him off as well."

"That would be the request."

"…deal." He blew the smoke into the air.

"But I sure am surprised. How did you get out of that warehouse Izaya-san?"

Izaya flinched at the question. He only mentioned being kidnapped and what they said and did. He never said anything about Shizuo. Should he? On the other hand this guy wouldn´t spill this kind of information for free and as greedy as he was nobody except him would be able to pay for it… he sighed.

Moreover he was kind of like Shiki-san, to a certain level he could probably trust the guy and even if he couldn´t, there was no way to get to him without meeting Shizuo. And nobody could take him out that easy.

"Well actually I have another mystery that seems out of my league." He gave away.

"Oh…? Two of them? Now you got me curious." He leaned forward, and extinguished the cigarette.

"It was Shizuo Heiwajima that saved my life that day. To be precise, not only did he save my life once, but quite a few times till now."

"Shizuo Heiwajima? Are we talking about the same guy that wants to kill you since high school?" he asked, visibly surprised.

Izaya nodded. And with that he spilled everything that happened with him till now.

He told him how he handed him over his phone when he hurt himself on the highway, how he fell down the high-rise and Shizuo actually jumped after him to save his life, the fact that he came to his rescue in the warehouse even though he wasn´t threatened, that he was seemingly protecting him from his followers while he was out of it, and all of the stuff that happened this morning.

As he finished his informant leant back and folded his hands.

"So, what do you think is going on? Why is he doing this?" Izaya asked, seriously curious if somehow his informant had an idea.

"Well, if I had to guess, from all you have told me till now I can only conclude this: he wants to get friendly with you to kill you. Or maybe make you believe you´re safe, so that someone else can catch you off guard and kill you his way. You know, the typical thing, torturing and so on… That would be the most logical conclusion for me."

However, Izaya just laughed at the statement.

"Haha, no way Ryosuke. You don´t know Shizu-chan, he isn´t that kind of guy, he hates ulterior motives and if he wants to see me dead, then he would kill me himself. He is the kind of guy who just settles his problems here and now." he chuckled.

"But then why isn´t he doing exactly that?" the informant tilted his head upwards, thinking.

"That´s the mystery Ryosuke." Izaya clarified.

"Hmmm… but what else-" suddenly his eyes widened and he burst out in laughter. Puzzled, Izaya watched the informant.

"What´s so funny?" Izaya asked staggered by his reacton.

"Sorry, I just thought of something really hilarious." he managed to say.

"Let me join the fun."

It took a bit till his laughter died down a bit so he could go on speaking.

"Well, it seems he doesn´t want to kill you anymore, right?" he began with a grin.

"Right."

"Moreover, it seems he doesn´t want you to get hurt, correct?"

"Correct."

"He cooked you breakfast, took a knife to his hand and constantly tries to protect you and is fucking unusually friendly, correct?"

"Also correct, care to come to the point?" Izaya asked really curious now as Ryosuke began to laugh again. He had no idea what he was getting at.

"Sorry, please don´t kill me now, that´s just too ridiculous to be true."

"Come on now, spill it, what´s so ridiculous?"

Laughing, he looked at Izaya.

"Well, I just thought… maybe he fell in love with you."

.

.

.

...What...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, he brushed it off as a joke, but will Izaya really think the same…? ;D
> 
> Umm, a little question on the sideline, is the story the way it´s progressing still as enjoyable as in the beginning or is it getting worse? Sorry if I am annoying… ^^'
> 
> -Meanwhile-
> 
> *Shizuo still holding me up by the collar*
> 
> Me: See Shizuo, Izaya wasn´t hurt, I let you save him! *lets go*
> 
> Shizuo: Tch… alright, but still, stop doing that, seriously.
> 
> Me: ... b-but next time-
> 
> Shizuo: HAAAA?!
> 
> Me: Sorrrrrry!


	8. I won´t leave you!

Outside. Shizuo point of view.

Deep in thoughts Shizuo drew another smoke from his cigarette. Angry at himself he remembered what the flea had said before. There was a certain mastermind behind this, and he wanted to kill Izaya, with no doubt. Furious, he threw his cigarette on the ground and stomped on it.

"Damn it!" The guy after Izaya was probably the guy that told him to observe the flea. In other words, the guy who wanted to see him dead.

Arizawa.

He should have beaten that guy´s ass the moment he realized he didn´t want the flea to be dead... but seriously, who could have known that he was that dangerous of a bastard?

Annoyed, he scratched the back of his head...

Well that wasn´t the only thing he was pissed off about now. Sure, that Arizawa wanted to take Izaya down, but as long as he lived he wouldn´t let that happen. He would just have to protect the flea till he found the bastard.

Problem solved.

The other thing that really pissed him off was what the flea had said earlier.

"He is the only one I am 100% sure off would never kill me."

What the fuck was that supposed to mean?! Why the heck did he trust that guy so much?! Didn´t that louse tell him a minute ago that he had never ever trusted someone in his life?! So what the hell did he mean by that? Pretty annoying.

He shouldn´t trust shabby guys that worked in such an area... What if that informant wasn´t as trustworthy as he thought he was? What if something happened to Izaya while he was waiting?! What if he got killed down there?!

That´s it. Taken over by his worry he turned around to open the door leading down to where Izaya was, but paused immediately.

The moment he had laid his palm on the door´s handle it went down by itself.

A person wearing a hat and long coat had been the one opening it and stepped out of the darkness.

Was that the flea´s informant? Shizuo wondered. He tried to catch a glimpse of the man´s face, but the high collar made it impossible.

He shrugged, didn´t matter anyway, what he was more concerned about now, was the flea.

He stepped back a bit and leaned on the wall next to the door. Well, if the informant had come out then it surely wouldn´t be long till the flea turned up as well.

He decided to wait.

…

And he waited…

…

And waited…

…

And waited.

…

But the flea still didn´t show up.

What´s taking him so long?

Inside the informant's room. A few minutes earlier. Izaya point of view.

"Maybe he fell in love with you."

.

.

.

...What...?

Perplexed Izaya looked at Ryosuke.

…Did he just really…?

The fuck?! Shizuo?! loving him?!

That can´t … no that´s just…

Impossible!... how would?! …

For the first time Izaya didn´t know what to think.

"Haha, hilarious right?!" Ryosuke was still occupied with laughing his ass of on his idea, whereas Izaya…

"Y-yeah, pretty absurd." he replied, faking an amused smile.

"Right?! Ah…", he flipped open his phone, " I am sorry, it seems I have to go somewhere now, if you would excuse me." He stood up and went to the door through which Izaya had entered the room.

He grabbed his long coat and hat in the process.

"Just as usual, ne?" Izaya nodded.

He was referring to their leaving manner.

It was really important for both of them to not let the fact that they were working for each other leak out.

To avoid being seen together his informant always chose different places to meet up and they always left individually. Mostly, Ryosuke left first while covering himself up with his coat and hat and Izaya would go 5 minutes later.

He sighed and let himself fall back into the comfortable couch as his informant left the room and frowned at the suggestion he made.

"Maybe he fell in love with you!"

…

No way…

That´s just not possible…

Shizuo falling in love with him was as probable as hell freezing up! There was just no way that could ever happen!

That was just-

…

"No, wait… don´t let feelings get in the way of analysing situations." he scolded himself.

Normally a conclusion like this would be the most obvious to come to… just the aspect that it was Shizuo made it kind of unbelievable.

But actually…

He tilted his head towards the ceiling.

If he really thought about it… if he just ignored the fact that it was Shizuo they were talking about… could it be true?

He gave him his phone when he had hurt his ankle...

… because he loved him?

He jumped of a fucking building to save his life…

…because he loved him?

He rescued him from the warehouse without being threatened or being forced to do it…

…because he loved him?

He was his bodyguard to protect him, cooked him breakfast, didn´t want him to get hurt and took a knife to his palm…

…because he loved him?

Frowning, Izaya got up as he realized his 5 minutes were long up, and made his way to the door.

Seriously, if he thought about it, it sure did make sense, but it was Shizuo they were talking about… Shizuo Heiwajima.

The most unpredictable human there was…

There was just now way that-

Izaya stopped abruptly in his movement, as the door he wanted to open just flung open by itself. Surprised, he spotted Shizuo standing on the other side of it.

"Flea! What took you so long?" he asked the raven rather loud he had to say.

"Shizu-chan, may I ask what you are doing here?" he replied quite confused.

Shizuo grabbed one of his cancer sticks and lit it.

"Well… a few minutes before some guy came out of here and I figured he was that informant you were talking about. But you weren´t coming up, so I thought something might have happened... But you´re okay, right?"

Staggered, Izaya looked at Shizuo. So he was worried something might have happened? He came to check up on him?

But wouldn´t that imply that it was true? What Ryosuke said before… that Shizuo-

"Oi flea, what ya looking at? Do I have something on my face?" the blond suddenly asked.

Izaya quickly looked away as he realized he had been staring at Shizuo quite intensively.

"No… it´s nothing." he replied slowly.

Proof.

He needed some kind of proof, something that would irrevocably confirm what Ryosuke jokingly said, was true.

But how would he get something like that?! A proof for Shizuo loving him?! How could you prove a feeling?

IF he even loved him that is…

For now he had no choice, he would have to stick to simple observation whether he liked it or not.

"So?" Shizuo cleared his throat. "Is he going to find the bastard?"

"Yeah, he took the job…" Izaya began and started to go up the torturous stairs.

Stepping them down before had already hurt like hell… he was glad Shizuo didn´t realize that before, otherwise he would have probably done something unpredictable again, like carrying him down despite being told not to… but going up seemed to be even more difficult.

He turned around to glance at the ex-bartender.

Just as I thought…

Shizuo had tensed up again and had that look on his face. It probably dawned on him now that he had gone down those stairs before.

The raven tried to take another step, groaning as he realized that going up really hurt a hundredfold more than going down. He placed his uninjured hand on the wall to keep his balance as he stood still.

He glanced back at Shizuo again… He hated to admit it, but he would never get up there by today if he went on like this… he frowned.

As a matter of fact they were alone. Downstairs in a building whose entrance was located at the backside of an unfrequented alley.

God, he hated having to ask for help. Orihara Izaya never needed help! That was just not his style… Damn bastards, why did they have to shoot him?! If they hadn´t he wouldn´t be in this damn situation now…

He tried again to take a step, but his hope of being able to get up there nevertheless faded instantly as he felt the pain arching through his body again.

"Shizu-chan." he began hesitantly.

He really couldn´t do it…

"What?"

Embarrassed, he looked to the ground, his face hiding behind his bangs in the process.

"Shizu-chan… I…I don´t think I can get up there on my own." he mumbled quietly, however Shizuo seemed to have heard him, because the moment he finished his sentence the blond had already picked him up and went up the stairs.

Abashed, Izaya held onto his shirt. God, how much he hated having to ask for help… but he had no choice…

Unlike him Shizuo seemed to be quite happy about this little incident. Izaya rolled his eyes…

Oh yeah, probably because I did as he told me to earlier...

The moment Shizuo reached the top of the staircase he let him down again. To Izaya´s relief, as unpredictable as the brute was, he could have intended to carry him home like that as well.

He slowly stepped out of the alley, making sure nobody saw him and motioned to go down the broad road. Shizuo following him of course.

"How long do you have to wait until you get your information?" Shizuo asked.

Well, at least Shizuo didn´t go on rambling on how weak Izaya was now. That would have really annoyed him. He really welcomed the change of topic so he decided to reward Shizuo by answering his question seriously instead of teasing him.

"Depends. Sometimes information gathering takes hours, sometimes it takes months. We´ll just have to wait…" he began.

Shizuo was walking close by, just as before. After all they were still in a pretty dangerous situation and Izaya couldn´t stand that at all.

"…or not." he finished.

"What?" Shizuo asked visibly confused.

Izaya chuckled at his reaction.

Not having control of a situation wasn´t only a thing he feared, but also something he absolutely hated. He always was the one pulling the strings in the background, so now he was going to end this as fast as possible.

Like hell he would just sit around and wait to get killed before that informant found out who the culprit was.

"What do you mean by that?" Shizuo asked again, obviously puzzled by Izaya´s words. Izaya smirked.

"Well, Shizu-chan, it means that I am going to research for myself a little bit."

Sure, he didn´t have his usual resources, since every last one of them was untrustworthy now, but why not gather information from humans he was still a stranger to? It´s been a while after all since he last went out and gathered information for himself.

"Ha? Didn´t you just hire that informant of yours to do that?" Annoyed, Izaya rolled his eyes.

"Yes, that´s true, Shizu-chan, but you know I am also an informant, what he can do I can too and maybe I will even find him faster than he does." he explained.

"If you´re doing it yourself either way, then why did you bother asking him?"

Izaya facepalmed. God, just how dumb was that protozoan?

"Look Shizu-chan, he´s an informant, and I am too, what do you think is more likely: that one informant finds the culprit, or two do it? Please, using your brain is not prohibited you know~" the raven teased.

"Shut up, flea." Shizuo grumbled.

Oh? Had he finally managed to annoy Shizuo? He smirked. That was good, so the old version of Shizu-chan was still there. Despite his weird behaviour.

"So, where are we going right now?" the man in question suddenly asked.

Izaya grinned.

"We are going to pay someone a visit." he replied.

"Ha?"

At first it had been Shingeki he suspected, but he was dead. However, the SMS he got shortly before he was kidnapped did come from Shingeki´s phone. That meant, no matter who it was that pulled the strings, they had some sort of connection to Shingeki.

Well, he was dead, but what about his boss? Or in general the people in the company? Surely he would find out something if he started to search for information there.

"Forget it, just follow me, ne Shizu-chan?" he smirked and so they went on.

It didn´t take long till they reached the company. After all they were only six blocks away from it. Which was certainly convenient in the flea's state.

There they were, in front of the company Shingeki worked at. It sure was a showy building. They didn´t hold back with baroque ornamentations it seemed. Oh god, who the hell did decide to build a company in such a way?

There were so many ornated decorations… honestly…

"And who exactly are you going to meet here?" Shizuo asked, rising his eyebrow at the building.

Surely he thought the same, this building was just so grotesque even Shizu-chan would be able to see that…

"Everyone." the raven answered simply.

"Huh?" Izaya sighed at the overly intelligent response.

"You see, someone connected to this whole mystery was working here until recently, so I am going to try getting some information and maybe I will even find a lead in there." he pointed to the oh-so-beautiful company.

"Got it." Shizuo replied and already moved to get going. However, Izaya tugged his sleeve to get him to stop.

"What now? I thought we were going in there?"

"Yeah, yeah, just give me a second." he mumbled while flipping open his phone and browsing through the internet.

Where was it again…?

"What are you doing, flea?" Shizuo asked.

"Studying." he replied simply.

Ah there it is!

"You do what?" He showed Shizuo the phone, the outline of a building was being shown on the screen.

"I am memorizing the outline of this building." he explained, taking his phone back.

"Why?"

Izaya sighed, however didn´t look up as he continued to explain.

"Listen, I don´t like entering a building I don´t know where the different exits are. There is always the possibility of running into any kind of trouble and having to flee suddenly. Ever wondered why I always manage to outrun you? Sure I am fast, but I also memorized the complete urban plan of Ikebukuro. Even the tiniest alleys and streets are well known to me. That way I always manage to lose you. Comes in handy right? Similar to that I always memorize the whole map of a building before actually entering it."

"Eeh… You have a pretty good memory." Shizuo suddenly said. Surprised, Izaya looked at the debt collector.

"Whoa, wait, was that a compliment? Thank you so much Shizu-chan~" he laughed amused.

"But you know, if you didn´t always mess up peoples' lives, then you wouldn´t need to do that."

Izaya shrugged nonchalantly.

"It´s them who mess up, I usually don´t contribute too much to it… Either way, I have finished, let´s go Shizu-chan~." he slipped his phone back into his pocket and entered the company.

First, they would go up to the fourteenth floor. That´s the one Shingeki had been working on as far as he knew. His colleagues would surely know some things about him, be they relevant or not.

The first thing Izaya noticed when they entered the building was that there was a big, and he really meant big, elevator right beside the entrance. He didn´t even look at the likewise large hall that they entered and headed straight for the elevator. Honestly, who was the architect of this building?! The way it was constructed really disgusted him.

He leaned back onto a huge mirror placed inside the elevator, probably to make it seem even bigger, as they headed for the 14th floor, not that he minded.

However, Izaya rose his eyebrows in surprise when the elevator suddenly stopped on the 13th floor, not moving an inch further. The doors opened, and suddenly a rather old man was standing right before them.

He told them that the 14th floor was currently being renovated and that they would have to go to the hall on the right to get up. Izaya looked where the man was pointing. Right, he had wondered, what these red markings on the map had meant.

So they were renovating.

Sure is necessary… he thought. Maybe they would rip down those ridiculous frills. He thanked the man with one of his usual smiles. If by any chance he needed to talk to him later he wanted to leave a nice impression. However, Shizuo didn´t really contribute anything to that. He was still putting on that face that kinda said, "speak to me and you´re dead"… the old man backed away visibly uncomfortable in the blond´s presence. Izaya sighed.

"Shizu-chan, could you please put on a friendlier face~? You´re scaring my potential information resources." he pouted playfully, when suddenly his phone gave off a certain sound implying that he had gotten a SMS.

"Friendlier face? Why should I do that?" Shizuo mumbled, visibly annoyed.

Izaya sighed and flipped open his phone. Why was he so pissed off now? He really loved it when Shizuo was that angry, but now was somehow one of the times Izaya wished he wasn´t.

"What´s wrong, Shizu-chan, why are you-" shocked, he paused.

Shizuo who had walked a bit ahead of him turned around due to the flea suddenly stopping speaking.

"Am I what?" he asked.

Disbelieving, Izaya stared at his phone.

"What the-?!"

What the hell is going on?!

"Izaya?" Shizuo repeated.

"1 new message from Shingeki:" Izaya read out loud.

"You are becoming predictable."

Izaya already opened his mouth to say something, however didn´t get to bring even one word out as suddenly an unbearable loud sound chimed and nothing but darkness overwhelmed the flea.

\- A few minutes later. Izaya point of view.-

…

Hot…

…

It was hot.

Slowly Izaya opened his eyes.

Where…?

His sight was blurred.

There was nothing but red…

What happened…?

He tried to sit up.

God damn, his head hurt, and his waist did too.

It´s so hot…

What happened? What-

"Ouch!" Izaya flinched away, as suddenly something hurt his uninjured arm.

What-?

Suddenly his eyes shot open, his sight still blurry. But now Izaya got what that red colour he saw was.

Fire!

There was fire around him! What -?!

Right! Before… he got that SMS and then… his eyes widened as realization hit him. That loud sound that followed then… that was a fucking explosion!

He rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of this haziness. At least that worked and so he immediately scanned his surroundings. But except the huge flames that burned everything down around him, he couldn´t see a thing. Smoke was already covering one-third of the room and all he could see, was that he was captured by flames.

"OI! Is there someone?! Help!"

No response.

He tried again, louder this time.

"OI! ANYBO-" A violent cough prevented him from ending his sentence. Huffing, he lied back down on the ground.

Fuck, his body hurt! Suddenly he realized why, as he saw red dying his shirt.

Shit, the wound on his waist had reopened. He didn´t know whether it happened just now or if it was his fault for wandering around all day.. either way, the fact was, the smoke was getting to him, his shoulder and waist hurt from coughing and he didn´t have a fucking clue, how he would get out of here.

Shit…!

-Shizuo and Izaya point of view.-

Coughing Shizuo opened his eyes again.

What the hell happened?!

He looked around in shock, as he realized there was fire everywhere.

"What the hell?!"

Why was there fire?! What happened?

There was some really loud noise, and then everything went black. He remembered the flea's last words, something about becoming predictab-

IZAYA!

His eyes widened. Immediately he looked around.

Where?! Where is Izaya?!

Flames were surrounding him and smoke was already filling the passage.

Coughing, he dashed through the flames.

The flea had been right behind him.

Worry overflowed, as he suddenly saw a figure lying huddled on the floor.

"Izaya!" Shizuo alomst drowned in relief as the flea suddenly moved his head, looking surprised at the debt collector.

"Shizu-chan?!" Immediately he dashed over, grabbed the flea and moved him away from the dangerously close flames.

"Izaya, are you hurt?!" he asked, still coughing from the lack of oxygen in the air.

However, Izaya just stared at him dumfounded.

"The hell?! What are you doing?! You should run for your life! Not making an effort to save mine."

Why the hell was he doing this again and again?! It was almost as if Ryosuke was right.

Perplexed, Shizuo looked at Izaya.

What?! What damn nonsense was he spouting now?! Of course he wou-

Suddenly he paused.

"Oi Izaya, you´re bleeding!"

"No shit Sherlock..." the raven replied frowning.

Worried, Shizuo looked at the flea. Well as long as he could reply with such comments he was somehow okay, but he had to get him out of here.

"Can you manage to climb on my back?" he asked.

Izaya looked at Shizuo and tried to move.

"Well, I gues-", he paused. "…What ya gonna do?!"

"You memorized that map earlier, right? So you´re gonna tell me the shortest way out and I am gonna carry you to the exit." the blond explained, while motioning Izaya to get on.

Understanding, Izaya nodded.

So that´s why Shizuo didn´t run off without him. That dumb protozoan probably didn´t know how to get out of here.

He hissed as Shizuo stood up with him holding onto debt collector's neck. Then the blond ran with Izaya pointing from time to time where he had to go.

And he already thought he did it because he loved him… Izaya thought as they made their escape.

I could have predicted this, after all, why else would he help me? He is just like the others. Only needs me to survive himself.

He sighed. So he was wrong. And he already thought his informant was actually right.

What interesting games he could have played with Shizu-chan if it had been true.

He already thought he was…

Somehow he was disappointed.

He totally thought he was right, after all the things he did… A thought crossed his mind.

But maybe he really was in love with him and he just pretended not to be, after all, he did save him again just now so-

Wait.

…

Why was he so fixated on proving that Shizuo loved him?

After all it´s not like he would wish for that right? It´s just another game he wanted to win right?

Suddenly Shizuo stopped.

There was the door with a sign reading exit. That´s it, they just had to get out there, go down the fire escape and happy end… he thought.

However, things didn´t quite go the way he planned. Firstly the door was locked.

"The fuck, who locks an emergency escape?!" Izaya spat annoyed.

However, Shizuo just laughed.

"Calm down flea, it´s not like this will prevent us from opening it right? Get down for a bit."

Shizuo dropped the raven gently to the floor before he went up to the door and ripped it out of its hingers.

There he goes, using his excessive strength again.

"Shizu-chan, you do know that kicking the door open would have been sufficient right?" Izaya giggled, until he saw the blond´s expression.

"There is no fire escape."

…

What?

There was no-

Realizing, Izaya remembered the old man´s words. The floor was being renovated. The exit door was locked because there was no escape anymore.

He gulped. Shit.

That´s it.

It´s over.

They were on the 13th floor. Falling from a high-rise of 5 floors he had survived, but 13 were too much.

Only Shizuo would survive jumping down there.

He would leave him.

Like every sane human would. Everyone, even his sisters would discard him in such a situation.

He would die in here and Shizuo would survive.

Shit.

He moved to get up.

He didn´t want to die yet!

If he remembered correctly there was another exit down the stairs.

"Oi Izaya, is there another exit here?" Shizuo suddenly asked.

Izaya coughed. Didn´t that brute get already that he cold jump down there?

"Yeah there is, but it´s pretty far away, you can jump down here just fine."

"That´s true, but wouldn´t you die from the impact?"

Izaya sighed.

"Correct, but don´t worry, you can leave me here, like every sane human would." Izaya replied frowning.

"What do you-"

"Come on, what are you waiting for? You should hurry, if you don´t jump soon the floor might collapse, before you can get out."

Slowly Izaya took a step towards the direction of the second exit. He flinched.

Damnit…! His wound hurt so much, he couldn´t even walk properly.

Shizuo looked shocked at the flea. What the hell was he saying?!

Did he really think he would just leave him here?! Did he really think he would just run for his life when Izaya was still there?! Did he really- !?

Shizuo gritted his teeth in anger as he approached the flea and turned him forcefully around.

"DON`T FUCK WITH ME IZAYA!" he yelled. Izaya´s eyes widened in surprise at the sight of the raging blond.

"Shiz-"

"The hell are you saying?! If I just wanted to flee, then I could have jumped out of a window ages ago! I won´t leave you!"

Izaya looked at Shizuo, speechless.

Huh…?

Did he really…

He won´t leave him…?

He won´t…

He didn´t have time to sort his thoughts, as Shizuo suddenly slid his hand down his legs and picked him up effortlessly.

"Woah!"

"Where?" he grumbled.

"Huh?"

"Don´t 'huh' me, the floor is crashing down, you said there was another exit, where do I have to go?" Staggered, Izaya pointed down the hall.

Immediately Shizuo dashed in the direction Izaya pointed to, holding the flea even closer as he did that.

…

What should he do?

Izaya didn´t know what to think anymore.

This time he didn´t think of it being embarrassing to be held in Shizuo´s strong arms.

This time he felt secure. A strange feeling stirred in his stomach as he looked at Shizuo´s expression.

Determination and worry were deeply engraved in it. Determination to save him and worry for his injuries.

…

What was that unknown sensation he felt…?

...

This time they found the exit without a problem. The door was open and the fire escape was intact.

"We are out." Shizuo sighed in relief as he stepped down the last of the stairs.

He coughed a bit.

Shit, he really was scared there for a moment. He looked at the flea, still holding him in his arms. The raven still gripped rather tightly to Shizuo´s shirt.

He held him closer to look at him.

"Oi, you alright?"

Izaya stared back at him blushing slightly as he pulled him closer.

It took him a moment to realize that he had asked him a question. Hurriedly he looked away.

"N-no, I am not, you are crushing me like that!" he referred to the close "hug".

"Ah.. sorry" now it was Shizuo´s turn to be embarrassed.

He loosened his grip on the flea and began to walk towards Shinra´s.

Izaya noticed immediately that he wasn´t going in the direction of his apartment. He frowned.

"Shizu-chan, where are you going?" he asked the ex-bartender.

"Bringing you to Shinra." he replied simply.

Izaya froze.

NO FUCKING WAY!

"No, no Shizu-chan, I am fine! I don´t need to go to Shinra´s!" he tried to assure the blond.

He gulped. No way in hell would he allow Shizuo to just carry him to Shinra´s place. Disregarding the fact that the whole of Ikebukuro would probably see them, Shinra Kishitani, the most annoying pest he has ever met, would gladly remind him all life long of the fact that Shizuo carried him in his arms. Bridal-style.

"You´re bleeding!" Shizuo frowned.

"I am fine!" Izaya cried.

Suddenly Shizuo got on his knees. Surprised Izaya wrapped his arm tighter around his neck.

Shizuo chuckled.

"Don´t worry, I won´t let you fall." He gently sat the flea on the ground, letting him lean onto a wall. Surprised, Izaya stared at the blond as he suddenly opened his coat.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Checking your injury of course. I am sure you don´t expect I will just believe you when you say you´re okay. We had that fight before, remember?" he answered proceeding to undress Izaya´s upper body.

He flinched as Shizuo took the shirt off his wound. The blood had already began to dry and was painfully sticking to the cloth as he removed it.

Izaya noted the apologetic look Shizuo gave him as he looked at the flea.

Well, at least he wouldn´t have to carry him to Shinra. His wound really wasn´t that bad. Okay it had begun bleeding a bit and hurt, but the stitches Shinra made were still okay.

"See? Told ya" Izaya sighed with relief.

With that, the topic was closed.

Shizuo gently picked up the flea again and carried him home, taking alleys of course. He knew the moment he stepped onto the broad street Izaya would do everything in his power to make Shizuo put him down.

Anyway, he was surprised by the fact that Izaya actually let him carry him.

He must hurt pretty much.

Little did he know, that Izaya actually … enjoyed being carried by the blond…

\- few minutes later. Izaya point of view.-

At least they got home without further interruptions.

"Ouch! Shizu-chan, that hurts!" Izaya hissed.

The moment the two of them entered Izaya´s apartment Shizuo put him on the couch and began changing his bandages. However he accidentally wrapped it to tight.

"Sorry." Shizuo replied and continued wrapping the flea up.

"Is it okay that way? Should I make it tighter or-"

"Shizu-chan, you sound like a worried mother~" Izaya chuckled at the guilty look of the debt collector.

A vein popped on his head as Izaya made fun of him.

"I guess I should indeed make it tighter." he dared and pulled jokingly at the bandage.

"Nonono! Just kidding!" Izaya hurriedly replied. Shizuo sighed.

"But you know, we sure were lucky to escape from that building… or should I say unlucky? Since we got caught in the explosion?" he said.

Izaya frowned.

"That was no accident Shizu-chan." he answered sternly. Surprised, Shizuo jerked his head up.

"What?!" Instead of answering Izaya flipped open his phone and showed him the SMS.

You are becoming predictable.

"I got this roughly 1 minute before the explosion started." Izaya explained while Shizuo was still staring disbelieving at the screen.

"That bastard! But wait, didn´t you get the name that way? It was Shingeki right?"

Izaya shook his head.

"No, it wasn´t. It´s true the SMS was sent from his phone again, but Shingeki is dead. It wasn´t him." he sighed.

God damn, this was complicated.

"Tch, just so you know flea, we are going to stay here from now on."

"What?"

"You hear me, who knows what traps that bastard set up for you outside. We are going to stay here, till your informant figures out just who this asshole is so I can protect you better."

Izaya's eyes widened at that statement.

So he could protect him better…

Slight red tainted his cheeks as he looked away.

Why the hell was the brute so obsessed with protecting him…?

Not that he minded… kinda made him feel… loved.

…

Not that Shizuo loved him!

Or did he...?!

Aaahh! He didn´t know anymore.

Frustrated, he sighed heavily. He was tired, so much happened today, he just wanted to sleep now… despite it being only 3 pm.

As if Shizuo read his mind, he suddenly picked the flea up. Surprised, Izaya clung to his shirt.

"Shizu-chan?"

"You´re exhausted right? Doesn´t surprise me, you dragged yourself around way to much for a hurt person. Go to sleep flea." he said and tugged Izaya into bed. The raven nodded weary, closing his eyes in the process.

"Good idea." Shizuo pulled a blanket over Izaya and quietly left the room.

"Good night, flea." He whispered as he closed the door.

Izaya´s eyes shot open again. He felt a hot flush spread over his face.

Goooooood… What a day!

He was so sure Shizuo would leave him there! Well everyone would… but he didn´t! His words resounded again in his memory.

I won´t leave you!

A slight blush tinted his cheeks. That almost sounded like a confession! Not that it was… or was it?!

And when he carried him home... He held him so close … so….

And then, when he changed his bandages. Each time he wrapped them around his waist he was leaning forward so much… almost as if he was hugging him…!

Not that he minded… wait, shouldn´t he mind?!

And now, what was with that sweet "good night"?! He put his arm over his eyes.

Damnit, how was he supposed to sleep now…?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwww…. Izaya~ Could it be you have taken a liking to Shizuo…? *0*
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter~ -^.^- Next chapter the really fluffy part will start. ;D


	9. Mixed feelings 1

Both point of view

It was dark.

So terrifying dark.

"Izaya-kun~"

A voice.

"No!" Izaya yelled.

"Come on, we should get going~"

A hysterical laugh.

"No! I don´t want to!"

Izaya struggled, he screamed, he trashed around.

"But you have no choice, ne I-za-ya-kun~"

"No!"

He didn´t want that! He wanted to go! To leave!

Why? Why didn´t they just let him?

What did he do to deserve this?

A cold hand tugged him by the collar dragging him forward.

"No! No!" he knew what was coming now.

"NO!"

Terrified, Izaya opened his eyes. Heart beating at a fast speed, breathing way too quickly, making him feel dizzy. A chill ran down his spine and his wounds reminded him gladly of their presence as he shot up.

Panting, he looked around. It wasn´t dark anymore. It was bright. He could move freely. A heavy sigh escaped the informant´s lips as he realized where he was.

His bedroom.

It had just been another dream. Relieved, he let himself fall back again, staggered as he felt soft pillows instead of a pile of sheets underneath him.

Surprised, he looked back and realized that he was still in his bed, not on the floor as usual.

How weird, the last time he woke up in bed had been years ago…

Only now that he scanned his surroundings, he realized what the reason for this change was.

His bed had changed positions.

Instead of standing in the middle of the room, it had been moved so it stood right next to the wall, making it impossible to fall down.

So that´s why the dream was so vivid…

He frowned annoyed.

How…?

Had he been sleepwalking again?

He had never been aware that he was the type to walk around in his sleep. But now it had been two times already where he woke up and couldn´t figure out what happened…

Slowly, he tried to sit up again. It still hurt, but was a lot better compared to before. He looked at the clock.

1 pm.

…

What?

His eyes widened in surprise.

The fuck, did I really sleep 22 hours straight?!

No wonder his injuries didn´t hurt as much any more…

He got up carefully, not wanting to cause himself pain. But just as sitting up hadn´t hurt that much anymore, standing up too was almost painless. He even managed to push the bed back to its right place.

He sighed. Honestly, there he went and made sure to wake up before his dreams became to terrifying and then this…

Loud clattering disturbed his thoughts and he immediately stopped moving. His eyes widened and his heart beat accelerated at a high speed while he held his breath. Vivid pictures of his dream popped up again.

There was someone in his apartment…

A chill ran down his spine.

Who…?!

…

Ah…

He facepalmed and exhaled with relief as realization hit him.

Shizuo!

God, right, it was just Shizuo! Not Hono. Just Shizuo!

He sighed as he tried to calm down again.

Damnit, he still kept forgetting that the ex-bartender was now with him 24/7...

He rubbed his eyes sleepily, pausing as he felt tears running down his cheeks. He stopped in surprise.

He even cried?!

Damnit…

Quickly, he wiped them away using his long sleeve. Thank god Shizuo hadn´t seen him. He probably would have laughed his ass off.

He paused.

…

No.

Actually Izaya got the feeling he wouldn´t. He would definitely have 1 month ago, but now… He got the feeling that if Shizuo saw him now, he would try to comfort him, instead of laughing at him...

He chuckled. Maybe he would tell him again that he won´t leave him?

Like yesterday…

When he saved him...

Slight red tinted his cheeks as he remembered what had happened the day before.

Shit. And again he caught himself unintentionally thinking about the blond. Dammit, it already took him an hour till he managed to sleep yesterday, because he just couldn´t stop thinking, and now?!

He sighed.

Actually it was not what Shizuo actually had done that troubled him, but what Izaya felt while he did.

He shouldn´t care, right? It was okay to feel relieved, but then he should forget it again, right?

And yet he found himself replaying the events that happened the day before, again and again, and fucking again!

And now even those that had occurred even longer ago! And then there was that weird sensation accompanying these memories ever since Shizuo had told him he wouldn´t leave him! God damn it, what was wrong with him?!

And why the fuck did he always want to smile whenever he thought about it?!

Why?! He hated not being able to control his own thoughts.

He shook his head.

Just stop thinking about it…

He folded the bed sheets and put them back on his bed. Then he inhaled deeply, trying to push back the weird happiness that came haunting him.

Ignore it, just ignore it… he told himself.

He put on his usual "mask" again and stepped out of his bedroom, ready to face Shizuo again for a day. Or should he say half a day? It was already afternoon already… Either way, he hastily opened the door and stepped out of it.

Shizuo still wasn´t in sight. He proceeded going down the stairs which he proudly succeeded in without having to call for help.

He really thought he did everything right, he pushed back the thoughts, the feelings, everything. He just had to stop thinking about it, then the weird feelings would disappear as well, right?

Or so he thought.

But fucking Shizuo just had to surprise him so much that he fell out of his role completely.

Izaya´s mouth gaped open as he turned around the corner and looked into the kitchen.

There he was.

No shirt.

Hair dripping wet.

A towel around his broad shoulders.

Water running down his defined chest, looking at him with golden eyes as he noticed the flea.

What the hell was with this perfect body of his?!

"Ah, good morning Izaya." he chuckled as he saw the flea. He look quite disshelved was rubbing his eyes and his hair was sticking from his head in weird directions.

He looked cute.

"Morning." Izaya mumbled, as he looked away cheeks getting red again.

God damn it! He couldn´t look him in the eye! Not after what he said, and did, and-oh god put a fucking shirt on…!

He glanced back to Shizuo while walking towards the counter.

Fuck, he really did have a trained body. Not that he didn´t know, he could feel these strong muscles perfectly through the thin fabric of his shirt the day before.

When he told him he wouldn´t leave. After all, he did hold him really close as he carried him.

In his arms, bridal-style. And-

Nonono! Stop it! Stop thinking about this again!

"Um Shizu-chan, dare I ask, why you aren´t wearing a shirt?" Izaya asked instead, still avoiding eye contact.

"Ah, sorry I borrowed your shower before without asking." the blond replied.

Izaya sighed.

"Yeah, I can see that, but mind to enlighten me why you aren´t wearing one now?"

"Can´t I?"

Izaya didn´t answer, instead he just sighed and sat down at the counter.

"Forget it."

Somehow the flea was acting weird… Shizuo didn´t know why, but it certainly seemed, as if he avoided looking him into the eye.

Why?

Maybe he realized he had been up in his bedroom before?

While observing him before Shizuo had always thought Izaya was just a restless sleeper. Well, now he knew better.

The flea was having nightmares. At least he had one this morning.

Earlier he went up to take a look at the flea, seeing if he was still okay. After all he was sleeping fucking long and well… he was not. He was actually talking in his sleep. And what he said didn´t sound like he was having a nice dream at all.

Words like "don´t" or "let me go" mixed with multiple "noes" were what escaped the flea´s mouth.

He shook the flea by his shoulders, initially trying to wake him up. But instead, Izaya just turned around and grabbed his arm, pressing it close to his chest. A single "Shizu-chan" escaped his lips as his face took on a peaceful expression again.

He refrained from waking the flea at that point, after all his dream was over. Instead he remembered the way Izaya liked to fall out of bed everyday, so he pushed it against a wall.

But still…

What the hell was he dreaming about?!

"What are you cooking?" Izaya suddenly asked, snapping Shizuo out of his thoughts.

Cooking?

Oh FUCK! Cooking!

Hastily he turned back to the stove.

"Shit!", he sweared while trying to save the food. Just in time, a minute more and it would have burnt.

"Whew. That was close."

Almost ruined their meal there…

Suddenly he realized Izaya was standing right next to him looking curiously over his shoulder.

"Eh? Yakisoba? Woah, I didn´t know you could actually cook!" he chuckled.

Shizuo grinned. He usually didn´t cook since he was alone anyway, but nevertheless he was at least capable of cooking a few dishes.

"You can bet, this will be the best you ever ate!" he answered while serving the flea his portion.

Only now, that the meal was standing right in front of the flea, he realized just how hungry he was.

He mumbled a quick „itadakimasu" and started eating. And Shizuo´s words sure proved to be true, it tasted delicious! He was glad Shizuo had made a share for him as well.

Shizuo chuckled as he watched the flea, obviously enjoying his meal. He got his own portion and sat down as well.

After Izaya finished, now satisfied, he looked at the clock again. 1:21 pm.

It should be open now.

"When you finish eating we will go back again." Izaya stated.

Surprised Shizuo rose his head.

"What?"

The flea carried the plate to the sink, before answering.

"The company. Given we were assaulted, we should resear-"

"No."

Abruptly Izaya paused and looked staggered at the blond. Who was definitely not amused.

Eh?

"No? What do you-"

"Izaya, someone tried to kill you there! You are definitely not going back there again. It´s too dangerous" he explained frowning.

"Hah? Then what do you expect me to do?" Izaya asked annoyed.

Who did that brute think he was that he could tell him what to do?

"Stay here and heal. That informant of yours should figure this out, not you." Shizuo responded in a commanding tone.

"No way! I am going." Izaya clarified and stood up and grabbed his coat.

"I don´t think so."

Shizuo got up as well, passed the flea and leaned back on the door, blocking the way.

"Shizu-chan, move." Izaya hissed. But the blond of course didn´t do as told. Instead he just crossed his arms.

"Make me."

That damn brute! He should just wait..!

Izaya shrugged his shoulders in feigned defeat.

"I give up." Shizuo nodded seemingly approving and stopped leaning on the door.

Ha! No way!

The moment he did so, Izaya ducked under his arm and reached for the handle. He was well enough to do so, and once he was outside he would manage to lose the debt collector somehow.

Well, or so he thought, but his plan was crushed immediately as he suddenly felt his hand being grabbed and tugged backwards, making him fall down. Preparing for the impact Izaya closed his eyes.

Shizuo smirked as he caught the flea and pinned him against the wall.

"Seriously flea? You think I believe you when you say you give up?" he chuckled looking at the now trapped Izaya. Annoyed, the flea glared back. He tried to struggle, but only ended up hurting himself that way.

Shizuo loosened his grip a bit as he realized this. He sighed.

A surprised yelp escaped the flea´s lips, as Shizuo suddenly picked him up from the floor.

"Shizu-chan, what are yo-." He didn´t get to finish his sentence as he suddenly got dropped on the couch. Shizuo smirked before moving out of his sight. Hastly Izaya got up. Curious he watched the ex-bartender and froze when he suddenly began moving the bookshelf next to him.

He realized with a shock what Shizuo intended to do. He wanted to lock him in here by putting it in front of the door.

Shizuo sighed. The damn bookshelf sure was a pain in the ass to push, with these many books stocked in it. He didn´t want to clean up the mess when they fell out. But he had no choice, he didn´t have the key to lock the door.

However, he had only moved it about 2 meters, when Izaya suddenly approached him.

"Stop! Leave the bookshelf, I will stay!" he surrendered. Confused, Shizuo looked at the flea. What? Was that his next try to get away? He shook his head and already motioned to keep pushing, when he felt a hand grab his.

Surprised, he looked back.

"Please, Shizuo!" Izaya looked at him almost pleading.

What. the. hell?

Please?

Shizuo?!

Both words he rarely heard from the flea.

Why so serious?

Did he keep some kind of secret behind the bookshelf? Or was it something else that seemed to upset him so much? Shizuo looked at the flea dubiously. Somehow he looked like he really meant it.

He sighed and pushed the bookshelf back.

Fine. If the flea was asking him like that how could he say no?

"One more try and I will move it again, okay?" he made it clear, earning a relieved nod from the flea.

Thank god. He wouldn´t have known what to do if Shizuo really placed the bookshelf in front of his door. He sighed, relieved.

That was close…

He watched Shizuo as he went back and continued eating.

Damnit, didn´t that brute have anything to do besides watching him?

Wait, wasn´t he a debt collector?

Now that he thought of it, he had been around Izaya 24/7 for more than 2 weeks, including the time he was sleeping.

"Shizu-chan, what about your job?" he asked curious.

"Hah?" Shizuo looked up.

"Your job, protozoan. You know the one as debt collector. What about Tom?" Now the blond seemed to get what the flea was talking about.

"Ah, he called when you were asleep. I told him I had a different job for now."

He called when he was asleep? And what about those 10 days before? Suddenly he remembered.

Right, when he called Shizuo when he was trapped in the hall he did say something about Tom being in Russia. So that´s why he only called now.

He sighed. So that opportunity to get the blond out of his apartment disappeared as well.

"What are we gonna do in here all day long?" Shizuo suddenly asked while putting away the dishes. Izaya smirked.

"Not much, but as I said before, we could still-"

"No." Prompt answer. Izaya didn´t even get to finish.

He pouted and tried yet another move.

"Well, if you want to go out, then do so. I am not stopping you." Izaya suggested.

"Yeah and you will behave and stay here. Sure. And pigs can fly." Unwillingly Izaya followed him with his eyes.

The blond went to the sink and drank a glass of water. Now that he thought of it, did he really have no reason to go out at all? Meeting friends... no, he didn´t have that many. His brother? Wasn´t even in the city anymore. Someone els-

…

…

"Shizu-chan…" the flea began.

"Hm?" Shizuo hummed while gulping down the cool liquid. What attempt would come next, he wondered.

"Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

The ex-bartender nearly spit out the water at the sudden question and turned around, surprised. The flea was sitting on the couch, staring at him.

What the-?!

"Huh?!"

Where did that come from?!

"Have you ever been interested in someone?" the raven went on asking.

Confused, Shizuo looked at the flea. Why the hell is he looking at me so intensively?! Why does he want to know-

Shizuo froze as a single thought crossed his mind.

Did he find out about me liking him?!

"No." he answered hastily, trying to sound calm.

"Eeh~, is that so." Izaya still looked at him with quite the weird expression.

He´s lying. Definitely. Izaya had been observing Shizuo for so long, he knew him better than anyone else, and he was sure he was lying just now. The only question was, why?

Was he actually interested in someone in the past? Or did he not want to admit that he now liked the flea? Either one of these optinons had to be it.

Izaya stared at him intensively.

Which is it?

Uneasy, Shizuo shifted from one leg to another.

"Why do you want to know?" he asked the flea.

Izaya flinched.

Eh.

Good question.

Why did he want to know? What did it matter now if Shizuo ever had a girlfriend…?

He frowned. Where did that come from, and why the hell did he feel so discontent thinking about it…?!

"Just… curious." He replied, still in an inner turmoil.

Suddenly he noticed Shizuo´s hand. The one that had been stabbed the day before. It was bandaged quite messily.

"What the hell? Did you wrap that up yourself?" he asked, pointing at Shizuo´s palm. Shizuo glanced at his palm. Right, he bandaged it the day before.

"Ah, yeah, I forgot to go to Shinra, and didn´t wanna wake you when you were sleeping."

He didn´t wanna-

Izaya frowned as he stood up.

"Come with me." he ordered. Shizuo obeyed and curiously followed the flea to the bathroom.

"Sit." the raven ordered next and opened a cupboard, revealing the bandages Shizuo had already borrowed the day before. He took it and sat down beside Shizuo.

He frowned again as he looked at the bandaged hand. God, he hurt Shizuo all of the time, how come he wasn´t even able to patch himself up the right way?! Did he always go to Shinra?

"Give me your hand." he commanded.

"Ah no, it´s alright, reall-" Shizuo began but Izaya interrupted him right away.

"Shut up, you didn´t even do this right. Watch." Shizuo decided to keep his mouth shut. Izaya didn´t seem like he was in the mood to argue.

He unwrapped his hand. Shizuo did wash his wound, but since it was his dominant one, he used it all of the time and it had begun to bleed yet again.

An unwanted feeling made itself perceptible as he remembered, just what had caused this wound. Sure, this was nothing to Shizuo, he was the fortissimo of Ikebukuro, this wasn´t even something that would bug him… but… still. Somehow Izaya felt… guilty...?

Yeah, guilt, even though he would love to deny it, that seemed to be this nagging feeling in his stomach.

Gentler than he would have to treat Shizuo, Izaya washed his wound again.

Shizuo watched him, stunned. He would have never expected the flea to be so… delicate. Especially with him.

"Eeh… You´re good at this." Shizuo mumbled.

Izaya sighed.

Of course he was good at this, he remembered only too clearly how often he had managed to cut his palms when he began using a knife. He finished wrapping up Shizuo´s wound. This time it looked way better.

"That´s how it´s done." Satisfied with the result he nodded and stood up again.

He froze as Shizuo flashed him a smile.

"Thanks." he said, mocha eyes locked on crimson ones. Izaya felt heat flush up his face.

Immediately the informant looked down, hiding his face behind his bangs as he stood up, and went out of the bathroom, mumbling a faint "no problem" while doing it.

God, he just now patched up his enemy! What's gotten into him?!

He felt heat flush up his face. Irritated, he went to the living room and sat down on the couch.

What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he feel so strange when that protozoan looked him into the eye?

He sighed heavily as he looked at his game standing on the table in front of him.

Thoughtfully, he grabbed the chess knight, twisting it in his hand as he looked at it.

Honestly, why did that blond always mess up his pace? And why the fucking hell, did he let him?! Honestly, his incapability to control his own thoughts and emotions really drove Izaya over the edge.

Why was he feeling the way he did?!

He stopped twisting it as he felt being stared at. Shizuo was standing in the door frame and watched Izaya.

"What?" Izaya asked, putting down the chess piece. Annoyed, that he couldn´t even have one moment to think for himself.

"You know, I always wondered, what rules are you playing by." Shizuo said, pointing at the strange game board.

"What, Shizu-chan wanna know about my games~?" Izaya asked with an amused voice. He was still quite upset, but he definitely wouldn´t let it show!

"Yeah, actually I do." Shizuo replied and approached the flea. Izaya sighed as he waved his hand.

"Don´t try it, it´s not really a game played by any kind of rules. The devices usually just resemble one of my pawns."

"Your pawns…?" Shizuo asked confused.

"Nevermind, it´s too complicated for a protozoan like you anyway.~" Izaya laughed teasing, realizing relieved, that he annoyed the blond. That´s the way it should be!

Shizuo frowned and sat down opposite to Izaya. What did he mean by pawn? He picked up the king and looked at it.

"What, ya know this one?" Izaya suddenly asked, visibly amused by Shizuo´s puzzled look.

"Oi, I am not that dumb, you know. I can actually play chess." he made it clear, putting down the piece again.

Surprised, Izaya rose his eyebrow.

Oh? I didn´t know that.

"Eh~? Shizu-chan being able to play something that actually requires the presence of a brain?~" he teased the blond and earned a glare for it.

"Shut it flea." Izaya chuckled at the annoyed response.

"Well, if that´s the case, how about a game to show me your incapability~?" he challenged the debt collector.

Shizuo dropped the frown and instead smirked at the flea.

Challenge accepted.

"Sure, bring it on."

They began to play, Shizuo as white and Izaya as black. After only 5 moves from Shizuo, Izaya had to admit that he was honestly surprised. Shizuo was good. Really good. Thinking he was just dealing with some incapable player Izaya took him on the light shoulder. Shouldn´t have done that.

Only two moves later he paid the price by loosing his Queen.

"What´s wrong Izaya? I thought you wanted to show me how incapable I am?" Shizuo teased.

He is not that stupid after all.

"It´s not over yet." he replied while taking one of Shizuo´s rooks. The blond frowned at the sudden loss. He decided to get serious now. However, Shizuo still didn´t fall for even one of his traps.

They went on playing as Izaya´s thoughts drifted off.

He really isn´t stupid.

He just got a little bit too much strength and temper. He remembered the incident yesterday, when he just smashed open the exit door and when he yelled at him for thinking he would leave him…

("Maybe he fell in love with you.")

("I won´t leave you!")

Izaya just moved his bishop, when he stopped in his motion. Maybe… if he knew, why Shizuo was acting to weird… if he really loved him… or if he just knew his reasons…

Shizuo was still staring at the board, planning his next move as he heard Izaya whisper.

" Shizu-chan…" he started.

"What…?" he asked still not looking up. Izaya could almost tell how hard Shizuo thought about his next move. He didn´t really listen... still, he just had to ask. He inhaled one last time before rasing his voice again.

"Why didn´t you leave me behind?"

Now he said it. Surprised, Shizuo lifted his gaze.

"Huh…?" He stared at Izaya and this time he didn´t look away but stared back.

Izaya pushed further, this time he wanted answers.

"Yesterday …why didn´t you just go by yourself? After all, there was no guarantee that the building would hold out long enough to take a second way. You could have died because of your try to save me… so why?"

Pause. Shizuo blinked. Once, twice-

Still holding his stare, Shizuo leaned forward, waving him closer.

"Huh?" Izaya leaned forward as well, highly curious, as Shizuo whispered into his ear.

"Figure it out yourself, if you are as smart as you always say you are."

…

WHAT?!

"HUH?!" That damn asshole! Here he was dead serious and what did he do?! Fuck with him!

"Ha, got ya. Check Mate!" Shizuo pushed his queen one field forward. Izaya looked down, confused.

Really, he was right. He got him. Annoyed, he glanced at the blond. He couldn´t care less about the game now.

"Shizu-chan, I am serious, tell me, what is this reason you have for being so nice to me…?" he tried again, frowning angrily. But Shizuo just grinned and leaned back.

"Nope, not telling." Annoyed, Izaya stood up.

"Shizu-chan, I-"

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Izaya flinched as he turned around, looking at the door. A chill running down his spine replaced the burning anger.

Who…?

"Oi flea, did you invite anyone?" Shizuo asked frowning as he stood up from the couch as well.

"Not that I know." he replied.

Shizuo got a bad feeling as he approached the door and looked through the spy. Soon he knew why.

6 guys were standing in front of the door. Each one of them carrying-

A gun?!

They aimed at the door. Time seemed to freeze, as Shizuo dashed back to Izaya. The flea was not even able to utter one word before the shooting began.

The door got crashed. Or better, it was shot down. Whatever weapons they had, they were almost firing like machine guns. Each of them dashed into the room, shooting aimlessly around till their bullets were depleted.

Silence.

Shizuo gripped the flea tighter.

They both held their breath as they heard footsteps.

"Damn it, that bastard wasn´t even at home." one of the intruders remarked.

"So we shot down the place for nothing?" another one complained.

Annoyed murmuring rose.

Izaya held his breath as he listened closely to the sounds in his apartment. They were walking around, probably searching for him. He gulped. If they looked down here, if only one discovered them-

"There´s nothing." One of them suddenly announced, audibly annoyed.

"Tch, damn lucky bastard." He heard footsteps. Slowely they got fainter.

Silence.

Are they gone?

He felt Shizuo pull himself up a little and spy into the room.

Cautious Shizuo looked over the edge. It was empty. Shot down and messed up, but empty. They left.

"What fucking kind of assault was that?!"

He sighed heavily as looked down onto Izaya, still clinging desperately to him.

The flea´s place was shit. Much too open, with almost no place to hide. The moment Shizuo realized that they would shoot down the place he knew they couldn´t hide anywhere in here. So he just grabbed the flea and jumped out of the window, gripping the window ledge, with his good hand of course. There they hung, from the 17th floor, while the intruders were shooting aimlessly around.

"Oi, they are gone." he said and began pulling himself up. The moment he moved Izaya tightened his grip even more.

"Come on, if you cling that much to me I can´t move." Shizuo sighed and tried to move again only to end up being held even harder. He stopped and looked down. Izaya hid his face in Shizuo´s chest, but still…

"Wait, are you afraid?" Shizuo asked surprised, maybe even a little teasingly.

"S-shut up!" the raven stuttered back.

Eh?! For real?

"What´s wrong with you? Don´t you always balance on all kind of dangerous and high places?" Shizuo asked, quite amused. He had seen Izaya balance on railings or jumping on roofs even higher than this. Honestly, he was surprised by the flea´s reaction. It wasn´t as if he would let him fall after all.

Suddenly, Izaya looked up at him.

"You… It´s the FUCKING 17th FLOOR! Everyone would be scared up here, you idiot!" he cried, showing a really scared expression, holding onto Shizuo even more, as he closed his eyes tightly, not wanting to look down and snuggled closer again.

Shizuo felt a little tug at his heart, as he felt the flea shiver. Immediately, he pulled himself up and slid back into the living room.

Izaya lied down right away and hugged the ground. He still could feel his heart pounding.

"Thank god…" he sighed. Shizuo brushed through his hair.

"Sorry…" he mumbled guilty.

Izaya gave him a look he couldn´t quite interpret.

"Well, doesn´t seem, like it´s safe here anymore." the blond announced, trying to change the topic. Izaya frowned as he looked around.

"Yeah, you´re right."

That was really bad, now they even came to his home to take him down. Izaya gulped. He swore, when he found that bastard he would make him pay.

He sighed and stood up again.

"Well then, let´s go somewhere else."

"Huh?" Izaya chuckled. Kinda expected that reaction.

"You know, I bought another apartment, just in case someone would discover my old one." the informant explained further as he began packing all the still intact things that he would need.

Shizuo was still standing there, astonished.

"Just… how much money do you have?" he asked.

Izaya turned around with a smirk.

"Enough to survive~."

And with that Izaya pointed at his luggage, telling him more or less to carry it. Noting that the flea was still injured, Shizuo did as told. So they got out of Izaya´s apartment. They called a taxi, or better said, Shizuo did. No one stopped so he just stepped onto the street, holding up the next car that came, leaving Izaya laughing on the sidewalk.

Then they drove around for quite a while. Izaya just said something about not wanting to directly drive there, since someone could follow them. So they drove around aimlessly until the flea was 100% sure there was no one suspicious following them.

No words were exchanged between them the whole ride. While Shizuo just looked out of the window, Izaya spent the time thinking. About things he wanted, and things he did not want to think about…

It was 10 pm until they got to their new apartment, in secret.

This time it wasn´t a highrise and as flashy as the one Izaya had lived in before. Quite the opposite, it was rather tiny, on the first floor of a pretty rundown two-floored building.

The numbers of the flat only reached from 1-10 and it stood in an almost secluded part of Ikebukuro.

"You rent a flat in Ikebukuro?" Shizuo asked, surprised. After all he always told Izaya to stay out of Ikebukuro and then he had a flat there? Well, on the other hand it was Izaya he talked about, he would do it just to piss him off.

He smirked, getting what Shizuo was pointing at.

"Sure did.~"

They entered the flat.

If you could even call that a flat. It only consisted of three rooms. A living room which was simultaneously the bedroom, directly attached to the door with a tiny entrance in between. There was a bed, and a table with three chairs standing on the right. A kitchen was on the opposite side of the entrance, and a bathroom behind the door on the right of the room.

But that wasn´t what bothered Shizuo. Immediately as they entered the room both their gazes fell on the tiny bed.

The bed.

As in singular.

Only one.

And there was no couch or any other opportunity to sleep in the room.

"Ah, I forgot." Izaya thought aloud.

He rented this flat with the intention of living here alone in case he had to submerge for a while. He didn´t think he would live here with anyone else.

"Just so you know, I am not gonna lie on the floor!" Shizuo announced. Izaya looked at him, pouting.

"But I am injured, I have to take the bed. ~" he tried to convince the debt collector.

"And where do I sleep?" he asked furrowing his eyebrow.

Izaya looked around thinking, but there really wasn´t anything he could use.

"On the chair…?" he suggested teasingly.

"Not in this life." Shizuo replied and just dropped himself on the bed.

"Oi, that´s my bed! Move!" he growled annoyed.

"Make me." Shizuo would definitely not sleep on the chair.

Angry, Izaya crawled on the bed and tried to push Shizuo off of it, only leaving him to gasp as he suddenly realized that he was still hurt. Wandering around almost painless for a day made him forget what the reason was that Shizuo was here. Worried, said man turned around as he heard the hiss.

"Iza-" However, as he looked back the flea had already wrapped himself up next to him.

"Fuck it! I am not gonna leave!" he spat. Shizuo rolled over.

"So do I."

-1 hour later-

…

Tick-tock.

…

Tick-tock.

…

Annoyed, Shizuo looked at the clock hanging on the wall. One hour had passed and neither of them were moving an inch. And he really wasn´t comfortable lying like this.

The bed was small. Too small.

While he was already lying on the edge of the bed Izaya did too, their backs brushing slightly.

Izaya thought the same. He was also still wide awake, not being able to go to sleep since he was just barely lying on the edge.

"Oi, flea?"

"I am not moving." Izaya replied immediately.

Ah, so he was still awake.

Shizuo sighed. The flea wouldn´t move, and Shizuo didn´t plan to either. He was tired.

The bed was too tiny to split it between to guys. He smiled amused as he got an idea just how to make this much more comfortable.

Suddenly Izaya felt the blond shift. Hoping that Shizuo would finally leave the bed to him, his eyes widened in surprise as he suddenly felt two arms wrap around his waist, pulling him back from the edge, into Shizuo´s chest.

"What are you doing?!" he squealed, surprised. Izaya felt the heat immediately rush to his face.

Too close! Too close! Too close!

"Shut up and sleep, flea. There isn´t enough space to split the bed." Shizuo explained and really had to restrain himself from grinning. What an incredibly good excuse to hug the flea while sleeping.

Izaya still lay there frozen. He felt Shizuo´s warm body against his back, his arms wrapped around his waist, and his warm breath tickling his neck.

It was almost as if he was hugging him…!

And damn it, he felt fucking comfortable! Being held that way made him honestly feel at ease, protected… He couldn´t stop that weird feeling welling up in him again, as Shizuo held him that close.

Damnit…!

He couldn´t sleep like this…!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwww…. *-* But this wasn´t it! XD Kinda wrote too much fluffyness, so I split it up into two parts, best part ahead in Chapter 10! XD


	10. Mixed feelings 2

-both point of view-

It was warm.

Really soothing warm…

What is this?

Izaya blinked, once, twice-

Confused, the raven opened his eyes, still blurry from sleepiness.

Where…?

He tried to rub his eyes, but realized that something stopped him. He blinked surprised, eyes widening as he realized what prevented his hand from moving.

Shizuo.

It was Shizuo.

Izaya must have rolled over in his sleep, because there he was, face to face lying directly in front of the brute. Eyes closed, bangs hanging down. A peaceful expression showed on his face, and his arms were wrapped tightly around Izaya. One around his waist, the other partly serving as a pillow, wrapping around his back.

What the hell?! He was fucking hugging him!

Embarrassed, Izaya tried to push the blond away, or at least wiggle his hand out of his grip. But to no avail.

What the-?! He couldn´t get out!

He tried again, but no chance, Shizuo didn´t even budge an inch.

Izaya felt unwanted heat rush to his face, as the blond suddenly moved in his sleep, hugging the flea even tighter in the process.

He was trapped in those strong arms of his.

"Shizu-chan, let go." he murmured, pushing the debt collector's chest, only partly wanting for the blond to wake up.

…

Shizuo was warm.

Izaya was used to waking up shivering, covered in a cold sweat, lying on the ground.

But this...

...

So that´s why I felt so warm earlier.

The raven looked at Shizuo with thoughtfulness.

That was the first time in ages he had actually slept through without discarding his blankets, without dropping out of his bed and without dreaming of … well, that…

He glanced at the sleeping debt collector.

The usual frown had disappeared, instead Shizuo looked calm, somehow at peace.

Bangs were partly hiding his face, but still Izaya didn´t miss the way Shizuo seemed to look actually happy.

Eeh... So even you can show a peaceful expression?

He stared at him with daze. He never knew Shizuo could look like that. Now that he thought of it, he had never seen the blond up close.

It just wasn´t safe enough to do so.

He leaned forward as he continued to stare at the ex-bartender.

He noticed another thing. From the impression Izaya got of Shizuo over the years he totally would have thought he was the type to sleep restless and probably snore.

Well, neither seemed to be true.

The only movement Izaya noticed was the way the ex-bartender's chest slowly raised up and down with every breath he took.

Somehow it was calming.

Izaya noticed the way his breathing seemed to match Shizuo´s.

He could even hear his heartbeat.

It was soothing.

Content, he closed his eyes.

Somehow he really lik-

His eyes shot open again in shock.

...

Oh no.

Definitely not.

No, he was not going to think he actually liked the way Shizuo held him close.

No fucking way.

This was Shizuo Heiwajima!

His enemy!

His-

His thoughts stopped immediately, as the blond suddenly moved closer, groaning in his sleep.

Red tinted Izaya´s cheeks, as he was suddenly pressed against Shizuo´s chest, their faces only a few inches apart.

What the...!

He tried to back away again, but stopped instantly as the blond suddenly opened his eyes, staring directly into Izaya´s red orbs.

Mocha eyes locked with crimson ones.

Too close. Too close!

For a moment Izaya´s mind was just blank.

He didn´t know how he should react, what he should say...

His mouth opened, but closed again, as no words seemed to come out.

For fucking god´s sake, they were tightly hugging each other in bed...! No matter how much he thought about it, he just couldn´t come up with a single thing he could say.

A really awkward moment of silence overtook the scene.

But to Izaya´s relief it didn´t last long, as Shizuo decided to break it.

"Good morning, flea.", the brute suddenly mumbled, still groggy, but not breaking the eye contact.

"Morning." Izaya replied dryly, finally able to speak and looked away, trying to hide his inner turmoil. But given the fact they were so close, this was not an easy matter.

He tried to wiggle out of brute's grip again.

"Um, Shizuo, mind to let me go?" he asked quietly, not daring to look him into the eyes again.

Only now Shizuo seemed to realize how tight he was actually hugging the flea at the moment because he instantly loosened his grip and Izaya wiggled out.

"Ah, sorry. Didn´t notice." he murmured.

Shizuo watched with surprise, how Izaya literally dashed out of bed the moment he let go.

Well, the thing that he didn´t notice he was hugging the flea, was a lie.

Of course he noticed. He just didn´t want to let go so soon, that´s all.

Waking up with Izaya in his arms wasn´t that bad...

But the reaction he got wasn´t quite what he expected.

Normally he would have thought the flea would just tease him again, about how he seemed to like hugging him for example, or just be angry with him, but only rushing out of bed without a word?

Strange.

Suddenly he noticed just another strange thing. The flea stopped a few meters away from him and was now staring at him.

Really intensively on top of that.

But not with a glare or a smirk, like he usually was. No, he was just simply staring.

Almost as if he was thinking about something.

"Izaya?" the blond began, however the moment he opened his mouth Izaya seemed to snap out of it again.

One of his usual smirks replaced the former intense stare.

"Come on Shizu-chan, you still not wanna sleep on the chair~?" he asked teasingly, pointing to mentioned chair, while the only thought he could really think of was:

Change the topic!

He sure as hell realized that he was acting weird, and damn, even that dumb protozoan would notice that if he didn´t say something soon.

Shizuo sighed and looked at the flea with a challenging look.

"No, definitely not." He got out of bed.

It was already 10 am. and his stomach definitely was longing for something edible. He walked slowly to the kitchen, already half expecting to find nothing there. He wasn´t surprised when he found the fridge empty.

He looked out of the kitchen.

"Oi Izaya, you have anything to eat here?" he asked.

Said man shook his head.

"No. What, wanted to make me breakfast again~?" he asked jokingly.

He sure was surprised when the blond actually nodded.

Izaya couldn´t prevent a little smile from appearing on his face.

Eeh...? He wanted to make me breakfast again? How nice.

Not that that meant anything at all, Shizuo maybe just wasn´t as bad as Izaya thought he was.

He smiled when he remembered the day before.

After all, he saved his life... again.

Actually, he changed his opinion on Shizuo, he kinda-

...

Izaya froze.

...

Wait.

What...?

Did he just really think-

No.

Nonono.

Can´t be.

That just-

He hated Shizuo!

There was no way he could just think that he-

...

that he...

...

-took a liking to the blond?!

He shook his head.

Seriously, what was he thinking about?

Shizuo was just an interesting human being, nothing more and nothing less...

Having Shizuo around him 24/7 sure made him think strange things.

He needed to get out.

Now.

He glanced at Shizuo.

And he already had the perfect plan to do so.

"Shizuo we are gonna go out now." he announced and got his coat.

"What?" Shizuo asked, visibly surprised, and already set to tell him not to do it, it seemed.

But this time the blond definitely wouldn´t win.

"No, really Shizu-chan, I wanna check if my informant already found out who this asshole is that´s after my life." he explained.

Well, that was a blatant lie. His informant knew his number. If he really had found something out he would have called by now. But what Shizuo didn´t know...

Shizuo cocked his head to the side. He seemed to be thinking.

"Okay... but, you really sure?" Shizuo asked, brushing through his hair.

"Sure? About what?" Izaya asked while changing. God, he was glad he could do that by himself again. His hand almost didn´t hurt at all and his shoulder hurt only a little bit.

The blond sighed.

"Izaya, you set foot out of this flat and everything living within a radius of 5 km wants to kill you. You sure it´s a good idea to go out?"

Izaya looked at the debt collector, surprised. What´s with that? Almost sounded as if he was actually concerned.

"What? You worried~?" he asked in a joking manner. Intending to tease the blond with the question, however, the answer he got simply left him dumbfounded.

"Quite, got a problem with that?"

Eh..?

He was ... worried?

About him?

Shizuo sighed.

"I mean, after all I am your bodyguard, right?", he added.

...

Oh.

Right.

…

That´s true, of course, that´s it.

He just does his job.

...

Izaya sighed. Somehow he felt a bit down.

Why?

"You don´t need to worry, it won´t be long, and as you already said, you are my bodyguard and till now you did a pretty good job protecting me." he continued.

Shizuo sighed in defeat. He honestly didn´t want the flea to go out, but if he put it that way...

He couldn´t just go and say "hey, you don´t need to go out. Whoever that bastard is, he doesn´t know you are here, so let´s just stay here and I will protect you forever..."

Couldn´t exactly do that, right?

So he had no choice. Izaya grabbed his coat, Shizuo his bartender clothes and they both set feet on Ikebukuro´s streets yet again.

However, this time Shizuo was even more alerted about what was happening around them. Unlike the previous time, he didn´t go a few meters in front or behind Izaya. No, this time they walked side by side.

But while Shizuo honestly only focused on any individual that seemed suspicious, the flea had quite different thoughts.

Shizuo was brushing his hand.

Every time he made a step. Every. Fucking. Time.

That´s just how close he walked to the raven.

And Izaya didn´t like it at all.

Seriously.

The reason he wanted to get out was to get his thoughts off Shizuo, even if it was only for a short amount of time. He was getting used to the blond´s presence. But this way he could build up the distance between them again, which seemed to be fading by each second.

He wanted to stop these unwanted thoughts and feelings from coming up all on their own, and oh god, he hated that smile that always wanted to appear every time the blond did something nice.

Not that he did, he wasn´t nice!

Okay, he did save his life and he did seem to care about-

Argh! NO!

NONONO!

Stop thinking about it!

Izaya was thankful for the moment they reached his informant´s base again.

"Okay, we are here. You wait." Izaya already motioned to go down, when he suddenly felt a grip on his hand.

"Izaya, you sure this is safe?" Shizuo asked.

And again, that damn fucking warm feel- argh, he hated it!

"Yeah, 100% sure." Izaya answered trying not to show what an effect Shizuo´s grip on his hand made.

Shizuo twitched. Again THAT answer. How the hell was he so sure?

And for fucking god´s sake, why did he trust the guy so much?!

"How the hell do you know that?" Shizuo asked annoyed.

Surprised, Izaya rose an eyebrow. Why was he so agitated now? Did he say something wrong? Noticing the angry look on Shizuo´s face Izaya decided to explain.

"Well, that´s easy to explain actually. That guy only cares about money, and nothing else in the world. So as long as I pay my part he won´t ever touch me." he said.

Shizuo looked at him, baffled.

"That´s it? That´s the reason you trust him so much?" he asked. Somehow he couldn´t believe that was all. Suddenly Izaya began to laugh.

What the- did he really think he trusted the guy?!

"Trust?! Don´t make me laugh Shizu-chan, where did you get that idea?" he continued laughing.

"Listen Shizu-chan, I don´t trust him, I just happen to know that Ryosuke has, let´s say, a little health problem, he wouldn´t be able to scratch me, not even when I am injured. Really, he is just a greedy bastard. That´s all. That doesn´t mean I trust him, I just know he can´t do a thing. You understand~?"

Shizuo sighed with relief. Okay, that explained a lot.

Izaya chuckled. What a reaction. He looked actually relieved.

Almost made him believe what his informant said was true...

And again, what if it was...?

Izaya smiled.

Well, he did seem to care at least a bit about him...

"Only about 15 minutes at the latest, okay? That´s how long I will stay there, if that relieves you~." the raven continued.

"Tch, 15 minutes... In 15 minutes he could still kill you just fine." Shizuo grumbled annoyed.

"But I already told you he won´t-" Izaya began, but Shizuo didn´t seem to let this go yet.

"You don´t know that." he hissed.

Woah for real? Why was he so overprotective? Really now...

"Don´t worry Shizu-chan, if something really happens, I will call for you. I know you will come and protect me, I trust y-"

Shocked, Izaya slapped a hand over his mouth.

Shizuo´s eyes widened.

Did he-

Did he really say that out loud just now?

That he trusted Shizu-

"Forget it!" Embarrassed, Izaya turned around and dashed to the door.

Oh my god.

Did he really...

...

Why did he say that?

Did he really...?!

Did he trust Shiz-

No, Shizuo was his enemy!

Shizuo was his-

"Izaya."

Izaya turned around, staggered. Shizuo smiled.

"Call me, and I will come to save you."

...

That´s it.

Complete overload.

Izaya couldn´t even think about pretending not to care anymore.

The damn heat that rushed to his face the instant these words left Shizuo´s mouth just made it impossible to do so...

Not trusting his voice Izaya just gave a small nod before he hastily disappeared behind the door.

He didn´t even realize it hurt when he ran down the stairs, considering the injury on his waist hadn´t fully healed yet. After all he abused it quite often these days while running around against the doctor´s orders...

He also hasn't even registered that he had typed in the wrong code about at the locked door 4 times, till he got the warning that after one more try it wouldn´t open up for 3 minutes.

He paused for a second.

Sighing, he pressed the backside of his hand to his forehead.

He didn´t know if it really was hot or if he just felt that way.

…

God damn, heart, stop beating so damn fast!

He sighed again.

How?

How did that damn brute always manage to mess up his pace completely?

How?!

He sighed frustrated.

And why did he say that in the first place?!

Aside from the part that he trusted him, why did he have to tell him that other part?

That he knew Shizuo would come to save him if he called.

That he trusted him enough to know he could count on him.

His worst enemy...

Really.

He needed to get away a bit.

He thought of Shingeki and the recent assaults again. Right, these were the things he should think about now.

He inhaled a few times in an attempt to calm down, before he finally entered the right code and entered the room.

Only the dim light on the table was burning, just as last time. Ryosuke was sitting in his chair again.

"Izaya! You´re visiting me quite often these days. What gives?"he asked amused as he noticed the raven.

Izaya sighed. Okay, he didn´t really need to talk to him. After all he just came here to get away from the blond for a while. But now that he was here, he sure could ask his informant to find out who these man were that wanted to kill him yesterday and if they were connected to this mastermind.

He sat down on the couch.

"I am here for business again. As you surely already know, I have been attacked yesterday." he began.

Ryosuke leaned back, lighting one of his cigarets. He seemed to get that Izaya wanted to get serious right of the bat.

"Yeah, I heard of that. 6 guys were shooting random in your apartment. Stirred up quite the rumors you know?"

Izaya nodded. He didn´t need his informative websites or pawns to predict as much. He could guess what the rumors would be about.

Probably if he was dead, if the yakuza came for him or if he planned that himself...

The human imagination was sure fascinating.

"As expected. So? Does this have a connection with the previous attacks?" the raven continued. The rumors weren´t of his interest now.

"I don´t know. Until now I don´t have a leading clue to our "mastermind", but I will look into that. I will call you when I got my hands on something." he explained.

Izaya nodded. Suddenly Ryosuke cleared his throat.

"What about Heiwajima? Did you find out what he is planning?"

Izaya frowned.

Oh god! Why did he have to talk about Shizuo again?!

Now of all times!

Seriously, that was about the only thing he did not want to talk about now.

"No, not yet." he answered. Ryosuke nodded.

"I see... Well then, is there anything else?" he asked the raven.

Izaya shook his head. No, he couldn´t think of anything else he could talk about with the other informant...

After all he only actually was here because he wanted to distance himself from Shizuo for a while...

He sighed. Well, that sure was a short talk.

He had to go up again.

And so he did.

Slowly he went up the stairs. This time it hurt only a little bit, nothing he couldn´t endure.

And he was glad about it, the last thing he wanted to do now, was to call for Shizuo´s help.

God...

If he just hadn´t said that before...!

He opened the door. Shizuo was leaning on the wall directly opposite to it, smoking one of his cigarets. Surprised, he looked at the flea.

"You finished already?" Izaya nodded and looked away.

God, he couldn´t even look him into the eyes!

"Yeah, he didn´t find out anything new it seems." he answered watching Shizuo as he approached him again.

Damnit, and now they would go home again- together!

He frowned.

Not if it was going his way...

He smirked at Shizuo.

"So~" he began, stepping out of the alley.

"Hm?" Shizuo blew the smoke into the air.

"Somehow I don´t want to go home yet~" he grinned.

Shizuo almost chocked on his cigarette as the informant said that.

"What?!"

"It´s boring just being inside my apartment all day, let´s walk a little bit~" the flea said, still having that smirky grin on his face.

That was the best Izaya could do - put on one of his usual masks.

"Are you an idiot?! What do you thi- OI!"

Izaya ignored the debt collector and moved on. Shizuo dashed after him immediately.

That damn flea! I thought it would be dangerous out here?!

"I thought we were gonna go home after that?" he asked the flea, who was still walking carelessly down the road.

"Don't worry, we won´t stay here. See, there is a little park down the road. Let´s go there. I don´t think any potential murderers would wait for me in a park. Ne, Shizu-chan~?" the raven smiled.

"Well that´s probably true, but still-!" Shizuo began, but Izaya just cut him off.

"Yay! Then it´s decided, let´s go~!" and so he continued walking down the street.

"Tch."

Damn it, what had gotten into Izaya? Why was he so careless now? Damn flea.

Izaya grinned. Well, that surely was amusing. Not only did he get to be outside longer for a while, but he also managed to make Shizuo angry again.

Now he felt a lot better. Annoyed Shizuo was definitely the best.

That´s probably what caused him to think such weird things. They were acting far to strange for the past days and they haven´t had a fight in a long time now.

He glanced back at Shizuo. He was still silently murmuring to himself.

Izaya giggled. Yup, angry Shizuo definitely was the best.

It didn´t take them long to get to the park the flea mentioned earlier.

While Shizuo spent the walk overly angry and anxious, Izaya was just happy that everything seemed to be normal again.

The park was a rather small one. A little pond was in the middle of it. Trees were planted in a circular form around the park and a generous amount of benches, each with a bush on both sides, were placed in it.

Izaya let himself drop on one of them.

Ahh... the fresh breeze that blew through the park sure was nice~

It was late harvest and all the leaves had already changed their colours, decorating the trees and ground with beautiful scarlet and gold.

Izaya ganced at the blond. While the flea sat on one of the benches Shizuo just stood there, obviously still quite alert.

Izaya sighed.

"Shizu-chan, don´t you wanna sit down for a while~?" he asked the debt collector. But the blond´s shoulders just tensed at the question.

"No, I am not as carefree as you." he growled in response.

Izaya chuckled. Really now, they were in a park for god´s sake, no one would try to kill him here, there were other people too, and whoever this mastermind was he didn´t want to have any witnesses.

That he was sure of.

Just take the first assault for example. The guy who wanted to shoot him. He was seen by a lot of people, and after Izaya called the police and he got arrested, he actually got killed.

Pretty strange, right?

And that second one, when that guy wanted to shove him off of that building, he had been following him before and for pretty long at that, but he only decided to kill him when there was no-one else. Well, except Shizuo, but he would have probably been framed for it afterwards.

The raven looked around. They weren´t alone. Little kids and their mums and dads were there.

Izaya was pretty sure he was safe for the moment.

Suddenly something in the bush besides his bench rustled. Curious, Izaya stood up and bent down.

Shizuo of course noticed this.

"What are you doing?" he asked, still quite pissed at the flea´s unreasonable behaviour.

"There is something here~" Izaya answered and shoved the branches of the bush

away.

"Oi look~!" Izaya grinned.

"Ha? What?" Shizuo came up closer.

"There are little kitties~!" Izaya said and reached out for one of them. Shizuo watched the flea with growing annoyance. How the hell could he act so carefree?!

"Really... oi, what are you doing?" he asked, seeing the informant almost crawl into the bush.

"Got one~!" Chuckling Izaya came back, carrying a little cat in his arms.

"Hello, little kitty~" he grinned, while petting the small creature.

Even if he didn´t look like it, he liked cats. They were similar to him. Always observed their surroundings, never accepted being ordered around, unlike a dog, and let their keepers work for them.

Really likeable creatures.

He glanced at Shizuo. The debt collector had turned around again, eagerly observing their surroundings and seemed to be just as pissed off as before...

Izaya smirked.

Time to tease him even more~

Shizuo was just lighting himself a cigarette, when the flea decided to attack him.

The blond realized the raven´s intention way to late and he suddenly felt something soft on his neck.

He tensed up immediately.

"OI, you damn flea! Take the cat away!" he almost yelled, but not moving an inch.

Izaya, however, didn´t intend to do so at all. He placed the cat on Shizuo´s neck in a way, that made it possible for it to claw itself onto Shizuo´s shirt and not fall down.

Izaya backed away a bit.

The picture was just hilarious: Shizuo was standing there frozen, while the little cat seemed to rather enjoy the warmth of his neck as it began to purr.

"Aww, Shizu-chan I think it likes you~" Izaya laughed.

God, that look! It was priceless!

"You damn-! Take it off me!" Shizuo said again sounding rather angry by now, but he still didn´t move an inch.

"Why don´t you do it yourself?" Izaya chuckled.

"You-! I can´t!" Shizuo answered.

"Hah?" Now it was Izaya´s turn to be surprised.

"I don´t want to hurt it." Shizuo murmured.

It was a baby cat for god´s sake! What if he grabbed it too tightly? He could fucking kill it! Damn it, that´s why he hated his strength.

Izaya couldn´t believe it.

A baby cat.

Oh. My. Fucking. God! A baby cat was all it took to completely immobilize Shizu-chan?!

Izaya almost pissed himself laughing at the helpless look on Shizuo´s face.

For real?!

He knew Shizuo feared he could hurt someone unintentionally with his strength, but this was just too hilarious.

"You damn flea, stop laughing, damn it!" Shizuo yelled, still rather lost as to what he should do now.

Of course Izaya did not stop. It was just too damn amusing to tease the blond. He approached Shizuo instead.

"What´s wrong Shizu-chan~?" he asked amused while circling around the blond.

Oh god, this was the best idea he'd ever thought up!

"Izaya, I am serious, take it off!" Shizuo hissed, still not moving.

Izaya giggled and approached the blond.

"No way~! This is far too fun to watch~!" Izaya laughed and closed their distance even more.

However, that was a big mistake, because suddenly Shizuo stretched out his arm and managed to grip the flea´s shirt.

He pulled him closer.

"Is it still fun to watch?" he asked through the clenched teeth. Now that he had Izaya, he just wouldn´t let him go until he took off that damn cat.

"Aw, damn, got me.~ And now? What you gonna do~?" the raven asked, still smirking.

"I am gonna make you take this cat off me." Shizuo said, holding the flea up by his shirt.

A bad idea.

The instant he lifted the flea by his shirt, Izaya flinched in pain. After all the shirt was holding up his weight by his shoulder. Immediately Shizuo put him down.

"Sorry..." he mumbled guiltily. For a moment there he forgot Izaya was still injured.

However, the stupid flea just laughed.

"Awww, Shizu-chan, how are you gonna make me do something if you are treating me so softly~?" he asked amused.

Annoyed, Shizuo took a small step forward and pushed the flea back.

"Tch, I will somehow." he answered.

Izaya chuckled.

"Sure~"

Shizuo took another step, a grin flashing over his face.

"Oh don´t worry, I already have the perfect idea." he grinned.

Staggered at the sudden change in the brute's attitude, Izaya looked at the debt collector.

Oh-oh... that didn´t sound good at all.

"Oh? And what´s that idea if I may ask?" Izaya asked.

Shizuo pointed behind Izaya and took another little step.

Izaya looked around.

No. Way.

There was a little pond only a few meters away from them. Izaya glared at Shizuo.

"Don´t you even think about doing that." he spat.

"But it´s a nice day for a bath in the open, don´t you think so?" he smiled.

"Shizu-chan, it´s harvest! And the water is freezing cold I bet!" Shizuo took another step forward, pushing the flea back.

"You think so?" he asked smirking.

That damn-! Shizuo would really throw him into the pond, if he didn´t take off the cat!

But no! No way was he going to give in now!

He glared at the blond.

"Shizu-chan, I warn you-" he paused as the blond took yet another step forward.

"Shizu-chan!" he hissed.

The blond just laughed. But instead of stopping he did the exact opposite. He continued making small steps, carefully so that the cat didn´t fall down. He didn´t know much about cats. Well, he did know they always land on their feet, but did this also apply to baby cats?

Either way he didn´t want to test it.

He slowly continued walking.

"Shizu-chan! Stop it now!" Izaya spat and looked back. The pond was really fucking close now and Shizuo had really gripped his shirt tightly.

No chance for him to escape.

"Well flea, how about it now?" The blond took one last step, pushing Izaya on the edge of the pond.

He pointed at the cat on his neck.

"Mind to free me now from this little monster?" he asked, smiling rather happily.

"Haha, Shizu-chan calling the cat a monster. What a paradox~" the raven hissed, annoyed.

"Well, either you help me or I have to throw you into the pond."

Ah, nice move...

Izaya sighed in defeat. He had no other choice. He really didn´t want to be thrown in there now. Just imagining it made him shiver.

He motioned to lift his arm, when he suddenly noticed something.

If he wanted to get the cat down from Shizuo he had to wrap his arm around Shizuo´s neck.

Around. His. Neck.

Like - the way you usually hug someone.

Izaya shook his head when he felt unwanted heat rise to his cheeks and hastily put his arm around Shizuo so he could reach the cat.

Shizuo also didn´t miss just how intimate that action actually was.

But just as fast as the moment came it ended. Izaya got the cat and sat it back on the ground. Shizuo still didn´t loosen his grip. The raven looked back up at Shizuo.

"Satisfied?" he asked the blond still feeling a little light-headed. Shizuo was looking at the flea for a while, then he chuckled.

"No." Staggered, Izaya looked at the blond.

"Hah?!"

"You took too long flea." he laughed and pushed the flea a bit forward. Surprised, Izaya gripped the blond´s shirt.

"O-oi! I did as you told me to! Stop it!"

Izaya didn´t fall yet. He wasn´t standing straight anymore either, more like he bended backwards quite a bit and only his grip on Shizuo´s shirt prevented him from falling down.

But Shizuo didn´t stop, instead he just pushed the flea further, making it impossible for him to keep his balance.

"Woah!" the flea didn´t even think about what he was doing. As he felt himself losing his balance, he let go of Shizuo´s shirt just to wrap his arms around his neck.

If he was going to fall, then the brute would come with him! But Shizuo didn´t even move. Instead Izaya just hung there, trying not to fall into the pond.

He glared at the blond, whose face was now only a few inches apart from his and was surprised.

Shizuo was just laughing. Really and wholeheartedly.

He had never seen him laugh before.

Never.

He had seen him angry, annoyed, calm, serious, everthing, but he never saw him laugh that carefree.

For a moment he was lost in the new expression Shizuo had shown.

The blond snapped him out of it when he spoke.

"Don´t worry, I won´t actually throw you in the pond." he chuckled and looked at the flea.

"Moreover, I think I can´t even, with you clinging to me so desperately." he smiled.

Izaya couldn´t prevent the heat rushing to his face as he realized just what he was doing right now.

The brute was right!

He was clinging to Shizuo for god´s sake!

Of course Shizuo noticed just how embarrassed the flea was by his own actions.

Shizuo chuckled and backed away, pulling the flea with him.

"Now I know why you like to tease people so much. It´s fun."

"I didn´t think it was fun." Izaya pouted.

"Come on, you started it." Shizuo replied, pointing at the cat. Izaya couldn´t prevent himself from laughing as he thought about Shizuo´s look before.

Oh yeah, he would definitely never forget that reaction.

"Okay, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth." he replied chuckling.

Suddenly Shizuo´s stomach growled.

"You hungry?" Izaya asked amused. Shizuo sighed.

"Quite." he admitted. After all they didn´t even have breakfast in the morning...

"How about sushi?" he asked the flea.

Okay, maybe that question was superfluous. As soon as he saw the glittering in Izaya´s eyes he knew the answer anyway. He knew Izaya well enough.

Of course he wouldn´t say no to fatty tuna.

The walk to Simon´s was rather unspectacular. Izaya was walking at the front and hummed a melody while Shizuo was following him with a grin on his face. The flea had explained to him why he was so sure that nobody would attack him in the park and at Simon´s restaurant. Now he felt a little more at ease.

And somehow... he enjoyed walking outside with the flea. Almost seemed like a date.

Simon was as usual outside of his restaurant, advertising and already spotted them from afar.

"Iterashai! Oh, hello Izaya and- Shizuo?" the big Russian looked at them with surprise.

"Hi Simon! Today we are gonna eat sushi~" Izaya replied happily and walked into the restaurant, followed by Shizuo. The blond didn´t miss the way Simon´s mouth gaped open at the flea´s statement and of course, the moment both of them entered the restaurant everyone´s eyes were on them.

"Oi, isn´t that Shizuo Heiwajima? And Izaya Orihara?!"

"Yeah! I thought they detested each other! What the hell are they doing here?!"

"You think the are gonna fight?"

"Woah shit! We need to get away, if they start, hell is gonna break loose!"

Izaya listened to the rambling with amusement.

"We are causing quite a commotion it seems~" he chuckled.

"Seems so." Shizuo nodded. People were rambling even more than usually when they watched their fights.

They sat down in one of the private rooms of Simon´s restaurant. Soon said man came to take their orders.

Of course, Izaya ordered fatty tuna while Shizuo preferred to stick to one plate of sushi and of course the desserts from the menu.

Izaya lauged.

"What? Just one plate of sushi? You do know that we are at Simon´s right?"

Shizuo just shrugged.

"I just like sweet things better." he said.

Just a few minutes later Simon came back with Izaya´s ootoro and Shizuo´s sushi plate and dessert.

"Thank you."

"Thanks."

However, Simon didn´t leave immediately, instead he leaned down to Izaya.

"Я не знаю, что происходит, но не разнесите мой ресторан." (I don´t know what´s going on, but don´t crush my place.)

He murmured in his native language. Izaya chuckled at that request.

"Не волнуйся, мы этого делать не будем…" (Don´t worry, we won´t do that.)

Izaya assured the Russian. Relieved, Simon nodded and walked away.

The informant glanced at Shizuo. The ex-bartender had already started eating his deserts. He looked really happy on top of it.

The sushi plate wasn´t touched for the moment.

Izaya took a bite of his beloved fatty tuna.

Yup. Definitely the best.

"I would have never imagined us eating together in peace without trying to kill each other." Izaya suddenly announced and grinned. Shizuo looked up from his plate.

"True." he agreed.

Probably a few weeks ago he would have asked anyone, who told him that he would be eating here together with Izaya, if they were insane. But now...

The raven has hated Shizuo since the first day he had seen him and not only because he initially thought his Shizu-chan was a girl. No, just that reaction he got from the blond at their first meeting was enough.

The instant the blond saw him he said he hated him.

Izaya thought about it. Until that point he hadn´t done anything to the blond so far, so why the hostility?

"Say, the first day we met you hated me the instant you saw me, why is that so?" he asked the blond.

Shizuo looked at him for a moment, then he shrugged his shoulders.

"Just because." he replied, leaving Izaya rather confused.

"Huh? What´s that supposed to mean?" he asked. Shizuo sighed.

"What I said. There is no real reason. You just were grinning that smirky grin of yours and I immediately knew that I hated you."

"That´s all?"

"That´s all."

Izaya sighed and continued eating his sushi.

"Hum, and there I thought I had already done something to make you hate me." the raven sighed.

"Nope."

Izaya watched Shizuo curiously, as he began to sort out his sushi.

"Shizu-chan, what are you doing?" he asked. The debt collector raised his head.

"Ah, I just don´t like maki." he explained and continued to eat the rest of the sushi.

"Ehh~? But makis are good. What a waste~" Izaya said. Shizuo chuckled.

"You can have them if you want." he said.

"Eh? Really?" Izaya asked.

"Sure, I am not gonna eat them anyway." he smiled and put them on Izaya´s plate.

"Whoaaaa~! Thank you Shizu-chan! You´re really nice~!" Izaya purred happily and ate received maki.

Shizuo smiled at the response. He didn´t know if the flea himself noticed it, but he was acting somehow less and less hostile towards him the longer he spent time with him.

Maybe that meant something...?

Shizuo shook his head. No, probably not, he shouldn´t get his hopes up just from something like this.

He could be with Izaya and that was enough. As long as he could protect the flea he was content.

They finished their meal.

"Bye!" Simon said with a happy grin when Izaya and Shizuo left. The blond smiled. Simon definitely approved of the fact that he and Izaya weren´t fighting.

"Well, that was good." Izaya suddenly began smiling as they went outside again.

"Simon's sushi is always good." Shizuo answered, but Izaya shook his head.

"No, I mean It´s nice to have someone to eat with, who doesn´t want to slit your throat at the same time…" he explained and smiled at Shizuo.

Well, that left Shizuo dumbfounded. Not just because of the words, but also because of that smile. It was an honest smile, he could tell. Izaya really meant it. A warm feeling spread in his chest as they continued walking into the direction of Izaya´s apartment.

The flea walked in front of him again humming some kind of melody and from time to time turned around to smirk at Shizuo.

Izaya watched him curiously. Somehow the blond seemed to be happy.

As to why... he didn´t know.

Suddenly there was loud shouting and a few people came running down the street.

Members of a coloured gang, Izaya guessed, since they were all wearing something red.

They seemed to be fleeing for some reason and shoved everyone away that got in their way.

But they made the biggest mistake in their life when they went past Izaya.

Walking. Had been okay. It wasn´t really helping his waist injury to heal, but okay.

Sitting up. Was also okay.

Changing his shirt. Okay.

Even going up and down the stairs. No problem.

But getting a straight hit from an ellbow to the still not healed injury on his waist – that was not okay.

Immediately immense pain shot through Izaya´s body as he got hit. He gasped and held his waist. Black spots invaded his vision and his knees almost dared to give away.

If Shizuo hadn´t grabbed his arm that moment he wasn´t sure if he could have stood any longer.

"Oi, Izaya!" Shizuo called worried, sure as hell noticing the pained frown on Izaya´s face.

"Ah it´s nothing." Izaya managed to say between tight lips as he tried to stand on his own again.

"Tch 'it´s nothing' my ass! These damn assholes..!" he glared at the people. They had to stop before they could cross the road as there was too much traffic.

Without warning he pulled the flea closer and dragged him to one of the flower pots that were standing on the pavement. He forcefully seated the flea on it.

With that he turned around, approaching the group of the colour gang that had been shoving the people, and of course Izaya, away.

They still were in a rush. Well, they would be no longer soon. Surprised, Izaya watched as Shizuo approached the guys.

"OI YOU!"

The guy that hurt Izaya turned around and looked at the blond, but he didn´t even get to open his mouth as he suddenly got punched in the face.

Hard.

Really hard.

Izaya gulped as he watched Shizuo who began sending every last one of these guys flying. He was obviously raging and, even though he was clearly outnumbered, Shizuo clearly had no problem with them all.

After he was finished beating up the gang members, he came back. Izaya was still just sitting there watching Shizuo. Of course his wound didn´t hurt as much anymore, it had been the impact that hurt most, now Izaya was okay again.

However, Shizuo still was worried. He approached the flea.

"Oi, you okay?" he asked the raven. Izaya nodded and stood up.

Initially he had thought about teasing the blond about how he got angry for his sake, but somehow... he didn´t want to.

Shizuo sighed, visibly relieved and grabbed the flea´s arm.

"Let´s get home, there are only stupid idiots on the street…" he mumbled annoyed.

Izaya smiled. There it was again, that feeling...

He sighed. Somehow he didn´t care anymore about what he felt. He couldn´t get rid of it either way, so why worry over it?

And so, they both went home in silence.

Only when they got home that silence got broken, because the first thing they saw, when they entered their flat, was the bed.

"I nearly forgot…" Shizuo mumbled.

"Me too." Izaya agreed. Shizuo glanced at the flea.

"Well, who is gonna get it?" he asked.

"Isn´t that obvious?" Izaya replied and also glanced at the blond in a challenging manner.

"No." said man said determined.

"Thought so." Izaya looked around the room, mainly thinking of another solution to their sleeping problem. But instead of a solution his eyes fell on something else. His game was already standing on the small table to the left of the room.

He smirked as he got an interesting idea.

"How about a game?", he asked and smirked at the blond. Shizuo looked at him in confusion.

"Huh?"

"Chess. The one who wins this game gets the bed." he explained. Immediately Shizuo´s face lit up.

"Sure, bring it on."

Shizuo didn´t have anything against this suggestion at all, after all he was the one who won the last time when he played with the flea.

So they began to play. Shizuo was sure to be the winner because he won before and Izaya thought he could win because he was just underestimating his opponent the last time.

However, they both weren´t expecting the actual result.

"Damn it!" Shizuo looked at the chess board. They had played for about an hour, but still they ended up in a tie. Izaya frowned. He really did play seriously there... no way could the blond be that good.

"Another game?" he challenged.

"Hell yeah!"

So they continued playing. But even after their second round and third... and fourth, they always ended in a tie.

Izaya sighed after the sixth round. They had played for a rather long time and he was getting tired of it.

"Oi, we played for quite a long time…" he began, but Shizuo cut him off.

"Who cares, I still have to beat you!" he replied.

"No!" Izaya replied vigorously.

"Huh?" But instead of an answer Izaya just got up and dropped himself on the bed.

"I hereby declare, this bed is mine!" he announced and snuggled into the pillows.

"The hell?! Get out, you flea!" Shizuo stood up as well and went to the bed. However, Izaya didn´t intend to move at all.

"Don´t wanna. I´m tired." he replied and rolled over.

"You…" Shizuo approached the flea from behind and tried to roll him back over again, when he suddenly noticed the flea was chuckling.

"What? Don´t tell me you´re ticklish?" he asked the raven, not failing to notice the caught look on his face. He grinned and softly began tickling the flea.

"No….nono!"

Immedtiately the raven began laughing really hard. He tried to escape, but Shizuo didn´t let him of course. The instant Izaya tried to move Shizuo moved their positions, trapping the flea underneath himself, while continuing to tickle the flea softly. After all, he didn´t want to hurt him.

In a matter of seconds the room was filled with Izaya´s laughter. Shizuo grinned as he stopped for a few seconds.

"Ya gonna give up?" he asked the flea who was gasping for air. He nodded, exhausted.

"Haha...okay, okay, you can have the bed, but please... stop Shizuo." he gasped.

Shizuo froze and the flea looked a him with a flushed face.

There he was.

His flea.

Lying under him, hot, breathing heavily and exhausted, looking up at him through half lidded eyes, calling his name.

Instantly he shot up from the bed and got off the flea.

"You can have the bed..." he mumbled, while disappearing in the kitchen.

Confused, Izaya looked after the blond.

Hah? What had changed his mind so fast?

He didn´t get it.

But Shizuo knew exactly why. The look Izaya gave him just now, well, he couldn´t deny it, it fucking turned him on really bad.

Only remembering it made him feel all bothered again. He quickly poured himself a glass of water and gulped it down.

God... that... was really unfair!

Izaya, however, still didn´t get why Shizuo decided to let him take the bed. He shrugged his shoulders. Didn´t matter either way.

He rolled over again so he could watch Shizuo. Who was drinking his now... third glass of water?

He tilted his head as he continued looking at the blond. Suddenly he remembered his informant's statement again.

"Maybe he fell in love with you."

Izaya continued looking at Shizuo and facepalmed as he realized just what an idiot he was.

There was a really easy way to find out, if that was true.

He could just ask him!

Why didn´t he think of this earlier?

If he really loves me, and says yes it´s clear, but if he says no, but is actually lying, then I would notice that too. Problem solved.

"Shizu~chan?" Izaya began. The blond turned around.

"What?"

"Do-" suddenly Izaya paused.

"Do- What?" Shizuo asked.

Izaya stopped for a second.

"Do-…Don´t think, that you are ever gonna get the bed, it´s mine!" he declared and rolled himself over so his back faced Shizuo.

"Huh..?" the blond was quite confused.

And Izaya was quite in an inner turmoil. He tried to sort his thoughts.

Why didn´t I ask him?!

I could know it for sure now! If he said yes, it would be clear, and if he said no, but is actually lying I would know it too, and if he really doesn´t like me-

...

...if he really doesn´t like me...

That thought somehow...

Izaya frowned.

What?! So what if he doesn´t like me? After all it´s not like I - I...

He shook his head vigorously.

Let´s observe him a little bit more, just to make sure, so I don´t make myself look like a fool...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwww…. Izaya~ You little idiot, you fear him saying no, because you love him, ya know? :3
> 
> Hope you liked this 'sweet' chapter, because... NEXT chapter, prepare for something BIG to happen! ;D
> 
> Thank you very much for helping me with the russian virgo_acris!! *0*


	11. Shock

morning. Izaya point of view.

Warmth.

Comfortable warmth greeted the raven as he woke up.

He opened one of his eyes sleepily.

What...?

Why was it so warm again? He blinked with confusion.

His eyes widened in surprise as he located the source of the heat. He shot up, staggered.

Shizuo was lying in his bed again!

"Shizu-chan, what are you doing in my bed?!" he shrieked.

Confused, Izaya looked at the blond. The day before he had just left him the bed and actually slept on the chair, so why the hell was he now in his bed again?!

An annoyed growl escaped said blond´s lips at the unexpected wake-up call.

"Shut up flea, you know just how uncomfortable that chair is?" he asked, still not intending to get out of bed.

"No, and I don´t plan on finding out." Izaya replied, trying to shove the blond away. But of course he didn´t even budge. Shizuo sighed.

"Tch, just shut up and let me sleep." he said, wrapped his arms around the flea and pulled him down again.

"Shizu-chan?! What are you doing?" Izaya asked, annoyed by the sudden action of the blond. Said man just grinned.

"You´re a nice pillow." he announced and hugged the flea.

Heat shot up his face as Shizuo held him close.

And there it was again, that feeling. Well, he did decide to just leave it since he couldn´t prevent it from appearing anyway, but still…

"Sh-shizu-chan, let go! Now!" Izaya stuttered, trying to wriggle out of his tight grasp. It definitely bugged him that he didn´t mind this feeling at all.

Shizuo chuckled, but decided to give in. He let go of the flea who immediately dashed out of bed again.

God, why did that damn protozoan stirr such weird emotions? He glared at the blond who was just stretching himself airily on his bed.

That damn brute didn´t even know how much he messed up his pace!

…

Well, but he did protect him though. Really well at that.

Because he loved him?

A questionable look replaced the glare he wore before as he thought of that possibility again.

He hadn´t asked yesterday… of course, if it wasn´t true… well, he much rather like to know what answer he was going to get before he asked…

And he really wanted to know the answer to that. Honestly. If he couldn´t just ask the blond, then he would have to observe him.

He looked at the clock. 6:30 am.

But first… he would get that damn brute out of his bed!

He smirked as an idea began to form in his head.

Grinning, he approached the dozing man.

"Ne, Shizu-chan~ " he began.

"Hm? " an annoyed growl was the only answer he got.

„Get out of my bed. Now. It´s still early and I want to sleep some more." he continued, not caring if the blond listened or not. He didn´t exactly expect the brute to just obey his order anyway. And he already had something else in mind.

As he expected, the blond only responded with a low grunt and stayed in place.

He smirked.

Perfect.

He went to the kitchen quietly. Oh, he knew just how he would get the blond to leave his bed…

He smiled mischievously as he filled a glass with cool water. Silently, trying to suppress his chuckles he approached the dozing debt collector. Oh, how much he looked forward to the brute's reaction!

"Shizu-chan…?" he whispered as he drew closer to Shizuo. No response. Without hesitation Izaya splashed the cool water in his face.

Instantly the blond´s eyes shot open and he gasped, surprised.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" he yelled, while Izaya was leaning against the wall to prevent himself from dropping on the floor from sheer laughter.

"I told you…haha, to get out of bed Shizu-chan!" the raven laughed holding his stomach.

That look was just hillarious!

"You- you should see your face!" he continued.

"That´s not funny!" Shizuo clarified.

"Oh yes, it is Shizu-chan!" Izaya retorted.

That stupid flea. Only Izaya could think of something like that.

A low chuckle escaped the blond´s lips. Okay, maybe it was a bit amusing… Time for payback!

"Izaya~" Shizuo vocalized.

"Eh? " Izaya stopped laughing at the suddenly gleeful response.

"I hope you know what you got yourself into now…" Shizuo continued and approached the raven.

"Huh?... No, eh…Shizu-chan!" Izaya tried to back away, but Shizuo already got a hold of his wrist and threw him on the bed.

"Time for payback! " he announced and began tickling the informant relentlessly.

"Eeeeeh?! No Shizu- hahaha!" Izaya didn´t get to finish his sentence, as he burst into laugher.

The blond continued to tickle the poor flea mercilessly.

"Ah, Shizu-chan! Sto-haha..! stop it please!" Izaya pleaded. Shizuo chuckled.

"Sorry, but I won´t." the blond replied, making the flea squirm even more.

The sudden sound of Izaya´s phone´s ringtone made them stop for a moment. It was laying on the bedside table right next to them.

Glad for the sudden interruption, Izaya managed to wriggle his arm out and grabbed the phone.

It was Shinra. Well it didn´t even matter who it was, as long as he could escape the blond´s torture he was glad to pick up.

To his relief the blond really stopped for a moment as he answered the call.

Shizuo stood still and watched him, annoyed. Who was interrupting them?

"Hello?.. Ah yeah, not yet… Now?... Okay." He hung up.

"Who was it?" Shizuo asked.

"Shinra, he wanted to know if you killed me already." Izaya replied smiling and put the phone back.

A mischievous grin appeared on the blond´s face.

"Not yet." He replied and motioned to resume his tickling assault again.

"Ah nono, stop, he also said he wanted me to visit him for a check up." Izaya quickly said trying to shove the blond´s hand away.

"Now?" he grunted. Unwillingly he let go of the flea, who was more than grateful for the doctor´s call now. Izaya stood up and began changing.

"Yeah, now. So let´s-" he was interrupted.

"Wait, not so fast… gotta dry my hair first…" Shizuo announced and brushed through his wet hair.

An amused chuckle escaped the informant´s lips again, earning a playful glare from the debt collector.

"Shut up, you damn flea." he grinned and made his way to the bath.

After Shizuo dried his hair and changed into his usual bartender clothes the two of them left the house.

Izaya was already feeling much better, but driving to Shinra´s place instead of walking still seemed to be a better option. Especially when he thought about these stupid gang members that hurt him the day before.

"I just hope that damn bastards yesterday didn´t worsen your injury." Shizuo suddenly began, as they got into a taxi.

"Ah.. no, I don´t think so. But you know Shizu-chan… " he began as suddenly a new idea hit him. Just observing the blond would surely lead to an answer someday… it was just a matter of time, but if he asked a few well-choosen questions, maybe he could get his answer even earlier.

"What?" the blond asked. Izaya smirked.

"Why did you get so angry anyway?"

Worst answer he could get: 'just because'… god how much he hated these answers from the brute.

Best answer he could get: 'Because I love you' … yeah, as if he would say that… IF it was even true that is.

He watched the ex-bartender curiously. Which would it be? Shizuo shrugged.

"Well, because they hurt you of course! No-one is allowed to hurt my flea.

"Eh..?" Izaya looked at the blond, baffled. But he just looked out of the window, seemingly not realizing what he said just now. Honestly, Izaya didn´t expect this.

Did he just-

Did he just say I was his?!

Izaya was shocked. Well, he also somehow thought the blond was his to tease and play with, but… What did he mean by that? Did he mean the same? Or something completely different…?

And why the fucking hell did it make him happy?!

That brute declared just now that Izaya was his property, no matter what he meant by it. Shouldn´t he feel offended, or at least annoyed?!

Why didn´t he?

Thank god it was only a short drive, because the following silence that hung in the air after the blond´s latest statement nearly drove the raven insane.

This was certainly the first time Izaya was glad when the doctor opened his door and instantly started asking questions, distracting him from his weird thoughts.

"Izaya! Good, you are alive, are you okay?" Shinra asked smiling, letting the two of them inside.

"Yep, everything´s fine." Izaya replied.

Except for my weird mental state that is…

He watched Celty who approached Shizuo behind him.

"No-one attacked you?" he continued.

Does tickling count as well…? Izaya thought as he turned his glance at the doctor again.

"Yeah, they did." he replied.

"Eh?! Seriously, even when Shizuo was with you? What happened?" Shinra asked the raven curiously. Sighing Izaya began to relate what happened the past days.

Initially Shizuo also intended to listen to the flea, but Celty seemed to have other plans with him. Suddenly she stood in front of him and held her PDA in Shizuo´s face.

(Shizuo, we need to talk.)

He nodded and followed her outside, curious of what she wanted to talk about. He took out one of his cigarettes and lit it. If they were outside he could at least smoke a bit.

The moment she closed the door, she shoved the PDA in his face again.

(Do you love Izaya?)

Sizuo nearly choked on his cigarette the moment he read the message.

"What?" he exclaimed.

She quickly began typing again.

(I am sorry if not, but Shinra told me a few things and at first I didn´t believe it, but he got me thinking, and please don´t get me wrong you do look like you´re getting along better and then I thought maybe it was true, I mean if it´s not please don´t be angry, but-)

Shizuo chuckled and softly placed his hand on her frantic typing one.

"Don´t worry I won´t get mad at you." he smiled and took another breath of his cigarette.

"I already guessed that doctor knew it." Shizuo noticed the surprised shrug of Celty´s shoulders as she began to type again.

(So it is true?)

He nodded.

"Yes. It´s true. I love the flea."

The dullahan quickly went on typing.

(How- when did that happen?)

Shizuo shrugged his shoulders. That was a good question. When did he start liking the flea? He did hate him before, so when…

He remembered vividly that day when he first observed the flea. He smiled. Ah… yes that could be it.

"Probably since the moment he said he wasn´t scared of me." he answered honestly.

Well he didn´t love him immediately after that statement, but it sure made the blond think a lot. He grinned as he remembered what followed after that. God he really had been in denial, he followed the flea around to protect him and cared for his well being and still didn´t get what was going on with him…

(He said that?) Celty asked. Shizuo nodded.

(Does he know you like him?) Shizuo stared at the words a few seconds.

Did he know?

He sure was acting weird recently and he did ask him strange questions about having had a girlfriend or not… but…

"No, I don´t think so." he replied. If he really did know, then he would act different.

(Are you gonna tell him?)

Shizuo frowned at the next question.

"No." he answered. He couldn't do it.

(Why?)

Sighing he blew the smoke into the air and watched it disappear.

"I can´t. If I tell him he would either avoid me, don´t even believe me or even make fun of my feelings… I am sure you understand I don´t want that." Celty nodded.

(I do. But… what if he likes you back?) Shizuo laughed at that statement.

"You are really optimistic Celty. He hates me and there is no way that would change." he replied, a bit sad.

(Don´t say that! You hated him too, right? But now you love him! Isn´t that the same?)

Shizuo shook his head.

"Stop. It´s not going to happen Celty. I know that." Shizuo noticed the way her shoulders dropped sadly at his response.

(But… is that okay for you?) he smiled.

"Yeah. Don´t worry. As long as I can stay by his side like this I am content."

He really was. He decided he would protect the flea, no matter if he loved him back or not, so be it. He finished his cigarette and looked at Celty. She just stood there silent after his latest answer. He smiled at her.

"Come on, we should get inside again." She nodded and followed him.

"Izaya! I am serious!"

Shinra´s yelling greeted them first as they entered the flat again. Shizuo eyed both of them curious about the commotion. Izaya was sitting on the couch seemingly unaffected by the doctor´s yelling.

"So?" Izaya replied shrugging. Shinra sighed.

"What´s going on?" Shizuo asked. Instantly Shinra´s face lit up again.

"Ah, Shizuo, help me here, this stupid guy here doesn´t get that he only worsens his state by running around so much!" he announced while pointing at Izaya. The raven shot him a glare.

"Shinra, I am definitely not going to just sit around and do nothing, and it doesn´t even hurt that much anymore, so-"

Shinra groaned frustrated.

"Shinra?" Shizuo raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Izaya´s arm healed really well, I removed the splint." Shinra said and Izaya waved happily at Shizuo with his now free hand.

"Also the wound on his shoulder made a lot of progress. I left it bandaged just for safety but the wound on his waist is in almost the same condition, when he left! All because he is running around way to much!" An annoyed sigh reached the blond´s ears from the direction of the couch.

"Stop nagging, I can walk without it really hurting, so it´s fine." Izaya grunted.

"See what I meant?" the doctor asked frustrated. "Please Shizuo, prevent him from moving to much if you can, okay?" the doctor asked quite upset, seemingly not willing to argue with the raven further.

Izaya groaned.

"Please Shinra, I have had worse, don´t act so overly dramatic now." he countered and got up from the couch.

Seriously.

Shinra was a good doctor, there was no denying that, but that constant of concern and scolding that followed his treatment sure got on his nerves.

He took his coat and went to the door.

"Come on Shizu-chan, let´s go." He said ignoring the doctor´s protests as he slipped out of the apartment.

"Wait." Shizuo followed him down the stairs.

"Oi, you should really listen to Shinra you know." Instantly Izaya stopped in his tracks and turned on his heels.

"Not you too Shizu-chan!" he exclaimed annoyed.

"But he is right, you shouldn´t walk around." Shizuo stated. Amused, Izaya raised an eyebrow as he leaned onto the wall in the staircase.

"Okay, I won´t walk, and how exactly do you expect me to get home now?" he teased not expecting what the blond did next.

Before he could even say another word Shizuo picked him up in his arms.

"Shizu-what are you doing?!" Izaya asked surprised.

"You asked me about a way to get home without walking right?" he chuckled, amused by the flea´s surprised look. The raven looked at Shizuo dumbfounded.

Shit, I should have expected this!

"We are not going home like this. Shizu-chan, let go!" But Shizuo of course didn´t intend to listen at all.

"You heard the doctor´s orders..." he grinned and started walking down the stairs despite the flea´s protests.

Izaya looked at the blond, embarrassed.

He was fine for god´s sake! He sighed with frustration. He refrained from trying to push the blond away, even if his hand was healed by now, he knew he didn´t stand a chance against Shizuo´s strength.

If he had a knife with him it would be different of course. Too bad he left it home…

Damn it!

"What´s wrong? Why so silent now?" Shizuo asked amused as he looked at the trapped flea in his arms.

He seemed to be quite pissed off. Shizuo sighed.

"Don´t be mad now, 'kay? I just don´t want you to get hurt." he explained and looked Izaya in the eyes.

Mocha eyes locked with crimson ones as the raven looked up.

…

Well... he wasn´t exactly mad… it´s just…

He paused.

Why did it even bother him? Nobody saw them in the staircase, and he knew Shizuo would let him down once outside. His pride also wasn´t a matter, he lost it the moment he told Shizuo he needed help anyway.

It didn´t actually bother him, it was just… weird.

Since that weird feeling appeared it got more and more awkward each time Shizuo decided to just carry him in his arms. He didn´t want that.

He felt the heat rush to his face again as the blond leaned closer.

"You get that, right Izaya?" he asked, a slight smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Too close!

He nodded, not confident enough to reply something decent without sounding weird.

Shizuo was just too close again. He hated it when he did that, making his mind unable to concentrate, without any particular reason.

His heart almost stopped, when the blond leaned in even closer and brushed their foreheads.

"Sh-shizu-chan, what are you doing?" Izaya gasped in surprise af the sudden closeness.

"Checking if you have a fever." Shizuo replied while watching him with those dark mocha eyes of his only centimeters apart.

"Huh? W-why?" Izaya managed to ask.

"Well... your face is really red."

…

Oh shit…!

Izaya tried to calm down again, but after these words escaped the blond´s lips that was sheer impossible. Rendered speechless, he could just feel the heat in his cheeks rising even more when the blond still didn´t move from their closeness.

Shizuo looked at Izaya. He was totally flustered, he would have smiled at the face the flea was making, but somehow... he didn´t.

Izaya was trapped in his arms.

No word was spoken.

Their faces were only mere centimeters apart.

He could feel Izaya´s hot breath on his lips.

Their gazes still locked to each other.

A sudden thought crossed the blond´s mind.

…

… how would it feel like to kiss the flea…?

…

Almost in a slow motion Shizuo began to lean forward intending to find out.

Izaya´s eyes widened at the almost imperceptible movement.

Is he-

A sudden noise coming from the flea´s pocket startled both of them. For the second time of the day Izaya was more than glad that phones had been invented.

Time seemed to freeze as Shizuo paused, only the ringing of Izaya´s phone filling the air.

"Sh-shizu-chan I-I need to answer that..." Izaya managed to mutter, still too close to the blond for his liking. Immediately Shizuo snapped out of it and let him down again.

"Ah, sure." Shizuo almost dropped the flea and Izaya nearly stumbled as he walked away a bit. His thoughts racing like a rollercoaster.

WTF?! I thought he was going to kiss me!

Shizuo wasn´t doing any better as he quickly lit one of his cigarettes.

WTF?! I almost kissed him!

With his mind still shaking Izaya flipped open his phone. It was Ryosuke´s number.

"H-hello?" he asked, cursing himself for the unstable sound of his voice. But his counterpart didn´t seem to notice at least.

"Ah, Izaya-kun, I have got some information for you. I would like to talk with you about it in our old meeting place in let´s say, 10 minutes?" he asked. It took a while for the flea to process the new data, his mind being occupied with quite different thoughts.

"S-sure… but why the old meeting place?" He asked.

"I will tell you when you arrive." Izaya nodded even though Ryosuke couldn´t see it.

"Got it." He closed his phone again.

Nervous, he glanced at Shizuo. He was leaning on the wall, smoking a cigarette.

Again Izaya´s mind made a backflip. Was he- was he really going to… kiss him before?! No way…

That must have been his imagination… he wouldn´t just-

"Who was that?" the blond suddenly asked, looking away. Izaya did the same as he answered, not that the blond would notice it.

"My informant, he said he got some information and wants to meet up with me." he replied.

"So we are gonna go there now?" he asked, finally looking at the raven.

Izaya just nodded.

Silence overtook the scene again, driving the informant almost insane as they both walked down the stairs.

This time Shizuo didn´t try to carry the flea and he was glad for it.

His thoughts were still mixed up.

He really thought Shizuo wanted to kiss him before, but that… that couldn´t be right?

…

But he did lean forward, or didn´t he?

Why should he do that if not for that exact purpose?

That would mean he loved him!

Suddenly another thought crossed the raven's mind.

Wait, if he really loves me, then it would be natural for him wanting to kiss me, right?

The next thought startled Izaya so much he almost missed a stair.

Does that mean he wants to do... more?!

His eyes widened at the thought. Until now he had been so fixated on just finding out if the blond really loved him, that he didn´t even spare a single second to think about what this would actually mean.

No way…! Did the blond really…

Quickly he shoved the thought away.

Nonono, he doesn´t love me, stop imagining strange things!

But even though he managed to chase off that thought, he couldn´t stop thinking about what happened just now.

The more he pondered on it, the stranger his thoughts became.

What if he had kissed him?

That would mean Shizuo loved him of course, but how would he have reacted?

Would he have slapped him? He really would have liked to say yes, but somehow it was the opposite.

Shocked by his own thoughts he stopped walking.

What the hell was he thinking?!

"Izaya? What are you waiting for?" Shizuo asked, looking at the flea. He had just stopped in his tracks and looked at him with wide eyes.

He hissed as the end of his cigarette burned his fingers and dropped it. He stomped on it and drew out another one. Which was it? 3rd in a few minutes? Didn´t matter, he needed the nicotine now.

He sighed with relief as he inhaled the soothing smoke.

The flea continued walking and Shizuo followed him.

God damn it! What was he thinking before?! He sighed, frustrated.

Well, that was pretty clear. Nothing.

He was simply not thinking that moment. Shit, what would have happened if that phone of Izaya´s had rung only a second later?!

Fuck, he was really glad for that interruption, Izaya would have.. would have…

Argh! He didn´t know, he just would have done something, maybe slapped him, run away, he didn´t know…

He glanced at the flea.

Did he realize I wanted to kiss him? He thought anxiously. He did lean forward really slow, maybe he didn´t notice.

He frowned as he remembered the flea´s reaction after he let him down. No, he definitely noticed something. But he didn´t say anything so… if he was lucky Izaya himself didn´t realize just what he tried to do before…

And there he went seconds ago and told Celty he was content just protecting the flea, and then he tried to kiss him?!

…

Who was he even trying to fool?

Himself…?

He sighed.

Maybe…

…

Maybe he should listen to her.

Maybe he really should tell Izaya…

He drew another smoke when he noticed the flea was staring at him.

"What?" he asked nervously. Izaya pointed at his now empty cigarette pack.

"Shizu-chan you smoke too much. Last time I checked, which was this morning, there were about 7 cigarettes in there." the raven said.

Shizuo looked at the flea, surprised. Not even he remembered how many cigarettes he had in there this morning…

"Oh, really?" he asked. The flea nodded.

"Shizu-chan, you are smoking too much." the flea stated. A relieved chuckle escaped the blond´s lips. Everything was okay, he was acting just like before.

"What? You care flea?" he asked jokingly.

"Cut down on them, I should be the one to kill you, not those stupid cancer sticks." the informant announced.

"Eh…?" Shizuo blinked, surprised.

Wait, was he… angry?

Why was he angry? It wasn´t as if he started smoking yesterday, he had done that for years, so why…?

Now Shizuo was utterly confused.

Annoyed, Izaya went on walking. Before he didn´t really pay attention because he was busy thinking about what happened before, but that brute smoked about 5 cigarettes in 7 minutes now!

Not that he minded, it was his business, but still, didn´t he care about his health at all?

He was glad when they finally reached Izaya´s old meeting place. The blond was occupying his mind way too often now.

Just like the new one it was in an alley, but no stairs led down to it and no code was necessary to open the door.

Izaya really was curious just why Ryosuke wanted to meet up here…

"Well then... I am going down there." he announced, already pressing down the handle, when he heard the blond.

"Izaya, wait." Surprised, Izaya glanced at the debt collector. He brushed through his hair and avoided to look him into the eyes.

"…what?" he asked.

"I-" he stopped, this time turning his glance to look at him.

Izaya noticed with surprise, that Shizuo seemed to be… nervous? No, he must be seeing things.

I love you!

Dammit, why couldn´t he just say it? It were only three damn words!

Only three. He gulped.

Yeah, it were only three words, but it sure would make a big difference if he said them or not…

He looked at Izaya again and sighed.

"... nevermind... come back safe okay?" he said instead.

Now wasn´t the right time for that.

Izaya nodded and went into the room.

Other than the stairs and lock, everything looked just like it did in the new place. Except for a second door, that lead to some second exit.

"Good morning." Ryosuke greeted him with a smile.

"Good morning." Izaya mumbled back and seated himself opposite to him, thoughts still not calmed down.

What was Shizuo going to say...? He wasn´t dumb, he did sense that the blond wanted to tell him something important. Something that managed to make him nervous. He grinned.

What could that be?

"You´re in a good mood I see." Ryosuke suddenly announced, chuckling at the smile plastered on Izaya´s face.

"Huh... ah, maybe… either way, you said you found something out?" he asked.

Business.

He had to think of business now.

Ryosuke nodded and pointed to one of two files that laid on the table in front of him. Izaya opened it.

"I found out who it was, that placed the bomb in Shingeki´s company. His name is Kitsurugi Oda, 30. He has no family and lives in a small apartment in Shinjuku. For why he wants to kill you we have no clue. He found you through observations."

Izaya browsed through the file. Right, he remembered the guy. He was responsible for him losing his job or so…

"However, till now we couldn´t exactly find any connection to Shingeki or someone who could be our mastermind." Ryosuke continued. Izaya sighed.

"Well, that´s nice and all, but that´s not exactly the information I asked you for, Ryosuke." Izaya clarified and placed the file back on the table.

"I know, but… I think this will be of your interest." his informant said, pointing at the second file that laid on the table.

"Izaya, how well do you know Shizuo Heiwajima?" he suddenly asked. Izaya twitched at the sudden mentioning of the blond´s name.

"What do you mean?" he asked, eyeing Ryosuke curiously.

Suddenly, he leaned forward and opened the file. It was filled with photos. Photos of Shizuo.

"These photos were taken from surveillance cameras on the street in front of your house."

"Wha-?" Izaya looked at the photos, staggered. They showed Shizuo, outside his apartment talking to some strange guy, face hidden under his hat. One showed Izaya himself and Shizuo in the background- No, now that he looked closer, every single one showed him and the blond.

Ryosuke pointed at the first one that showed Shizuo with the strange guy.

"Shizuo was being hired by that person. He was ordered to observe you and get information about you, however he was told to not kill or hurt you in any kind of way. The goal of this person was to find out your weakness. Through a few researches in your apartment we found out, that the apartment on the floor right above yours had spies to look into your apartment, and even a little door, to get down to you without you noticing. Additionally we found several of his fingerprints on seemingly secret documents."

He showed Izaya even more photos. This time it were the cut up ones of his sisters. His informant continued.

"You told me before how weird Shizuo was acting, and I guessed, he would be likely to observe you. Now we know it´s true. "

Izaya stared at the pictures with disbelieve.

That´s a lie...

"But as I know you, you surely were cautious around him, when I told you about this possibility. That´s all I could find out, what you do with that information is your problem."

That can´t be true…

That´s just…

Shocked, Izaya took one of the photos.

…

No mistake, that was Shizuo.

He took another one, and a second, and third, and fourth…

No matter how he looked at the large variety of pictures, it was unmistakably clear, that Shizuo was tailing him.

"The reason I wanted to meet you here was this door behind me." he pointed to the second door.

"This one is just another way outside. I guessed Shizuo would accompany you here so I made sure you could escape without being seen by him." he got up from his seat.

"Well then, that´s all. You can keep the photos. I need to go now, just let yourself out." Ryosuke said, grabbed his coat hanging on a hat stand and left the room.

Now Izaya was alone.

He looked at the photos again, stunned.

That´s a lie… right? He frowned.

It has to be… there is no way Shizuo could act like that.

He remembered the time Shizuo first began to act weird. He borrowed Izaya his phone, so he could get home.

Why did he do that? He thought he did it because-

…

Because…

Because he wanted to make him believe he was a friend, he suddenly realized.

No, that can´t be-

He jumped down a building to save my life! If he was hired to find his weakness, then-

Wait, he was hired to find his weakness… not to kill him. Did that mean… Shizuo wasn´t allowed to kill him, but also not to let him die either?

That´s it, that bastard that hired Shizuo was that mastermind. He probably wanted to see his death with his own eye-

No, that couldn´t be true.

He saved me from that warehouse!

That was Shizuo´s decision alone, right? What sense would it make if he saved him from a trap the 'mastermind' himself created?

Wait. If that mastermind wanted to kill him he could have just done it before he even woke up. He could have done it while he slept if that apartment over his really existed.

His eyes widened in realization.

That guy didn´t exactly want him dead- he wanted to find out how to torture him before he killed him!

That´s why he hired Shizuo! That´s why he ordered Shizuo to save him from the warehouse. If he trusted the blond, the possibility to find out just what made him really squirm would be much higher than just doing the ordinary stuff.

A frown appeared on his face.

So when Shizuo protected him from those 2 bastards that attacked him on the way to Ryosuke, he was ordered to save him to gain his trust.

When he said he wouldn´t leave him alone in that burning building that was just to make him believe he was safe with him.

When the blond acted like he cared about him he just wanted him to believe he was his friend.

When they played chess.

When he jumped out of the window to 'save' Izaya from being shot.

When he cooked breakfast.

When they were in the park with the kitties.

At Simon´s.

…

Shocked, Izaya grabbed his head.

Suddenly it all made sense.

The reason why Shizuo had no explanation for his behaviour and always avoided the question by saying Izaya had to find it out himself.

When he thought he wanted to kiss him…

I thought…

Izaya gritted his teeth.

He had been fooled.

The. Whole. Time.

Suddenly he laughed.

"I am so stupid! I really thought that brute wanted to kiss me! That he loved me!" he clapped his hands slowly.

"Great. Simply great Shizu-chan, simply great. I didn´t even suspect a thing. You got me Shizu-chan…" Suddenly he remembered that game of chess.

…

"What´s wrong Izaya? I thought you wanted to show me how incapable I am?" Shizuo teased.

"It´s not over yet."

Izaya just moved his bishop, when he stopped in his motion. Maybe… if he knew, why Shizuo was acting to weird… if he really loved him… or if he just knew his reasons…

" Shizu-chan…" he started.

"What…?"

"Why didn´t you leave me behind?"

"Huh…?" He stared at Izaya and this time he didn´t look away but stared back.

"Yesterday …why didn´t you just go by yourself? After all, there was no guarantee that the building would hold out long enough to take a second way. You could have died because of your try to save me… so why?"

Pause. Shizuo blinked. Once, twice-

Still holding his stare, Shizuo leaned forward, waving him closer.

"Huh?" Izaya leaned forward as well, highly curious, as Shizuo whispered into his ear.

"Figure it out yourself, if you are as smart as you always say you are."

"HUH?!"

"Ha, got ya. Check Mate!" Shizuo pushed his queen one field forward. Izaya looked down, confused.

...

He lowered his head, sadness stinging him.

"You really… got me this time Shizu-chan… you really…"

…

"That bastard! But wait, didn´t you get the name that way? It was Shingeki right?"

Izaya shook his head.

"No, it wasn´t. It´s true the mail was sent from his phone again, but Shingeki is dead. It wasn´t him." he sighed.

God damn, this was complicated.

"Tch, just so you know flea, we are going to stay here from now on."

"What?"

"You heard me, who knows what traps that bastard set up for you outside. We are going to stay here, till your informant figured out just who this asshole is so I can protect you better."

…

"Damn, that was really unfair… Shizu-chan…that was just…"

…

"How the hell do you know that?" Shizuo asked annoyed.

"Well, that´s easy to explain actually. That guy only cares about money, and nothing else in the world. So as long as I pay my part he won´t ever touch me." he said.

"That´s it? That´s the reason you trust him so much?" he asked. Suddenly Izaya began to laugh.

"Trust?! Don´t make me laugh Shizu-chan, where did you get that idea?" he continued laughing.

"Listen Shizu-chan, I don´t trust him, I just happen to know that Ryosuke has, let´s say, a little health problem, he wouldn´t be able to scratch me, even in my current state. Really, he is just a greedy bastard. That´s all. That doesn´t mean I trust him, I just know he can´t do a thing. You understand~?"

Izaya chuckled. What a reaction. He looked actually relieved.

Almost made him believe what his informant said was true...

And again, what if it was...?

Izaya smiled.

Well, he did seem to care at least a bit about him...

"Only about 15 minutes at the latest, okay? That´s how long I will stay there, if that relieves you~." the raven continued.

"Tch, 15 minutes... In 15 minutes he could still kill you just fine." Shizuo grumbled annoyed.

"But I already told you he won´t-" Izaya began, but Shizuo didn´t seem to let this go yet.

"You don´t know that." he hissed.

Woah! For real? Why was he so overprotective? Really now...

"Don´t worry Shizu-chan, if something really happens, I will call for you. I know you will come and protect me, I trust y-"

Shocked, Izaya slapped a hand over his mouth.

Shizuo´s eyes widened.

Did he-

Did he really say that out loud just now?

That he trusted Shizu-

"Forget it!" Embarrassed, Izaya turned around and dashed to the door.

"Izaya."

Izaya turned around, staggered.

Shizuo smiled.

"Call me, and I will come to save you."

…

-outside Shizuo point of view-

…

He is late…

Uneasy, Shizuo leaned on the wall opposite to the door that lead down to Izaya´s informant.

He took another glance at his watch. It had been almost half an hour now… What was he doing?

Did something happen?

Shizuo shifted his weight nervously from one leg to the other.

What if something happened?

5 minutes. That was the most he endured before he decided to check up on the flea.

He went to the door and knocked first. If he just barged in the flea´s precious meeting he surely would rip his head off.

But to his surprise no-one replied. He tried to open the door. He paused.

The hell? Why was it locked now?

"Izaya!?" he called rather loudly.

No answer.

Okay, he knocked, he called, now he wouldn´t wait anymore.

Without thinking twice, Shizuo crashed the door open. Only to find the room behind it...empty? He looked around, confused.

Where is Izaya?!

He spotted the second door in the room and already approached it intending to search for the flea there, when his sight fell on the table.

There were photos, and a lot of them. Staggered, he stopped as he recognized himself on one of the pictures. He looked closer at them.

He realized with a shock that he appeared on all photos. And not only that, it were exclusively photos shot from when he observed the flea.

A bed feeling crept up inside him as he realized just what this meant.

Shit…!

He hastly dashed to the second door.

IZAYA!

But Izaya wasn´t there, this door was just another exit, it lead to the outside.

He looked around, sligthly hoping to have missed the flea for only a second, but he wasn´t there.

Damn it!

He turned on his heels and ran home. Izaya still had his laptop and stuff there, if he was fast enough maybe he could catch up with him.

Shit, why didn´t he tell him!

He thought if he told the flea he wouldn´t trust him anymore, well he wouldn´t blame him, but still he should have told him! Now that that stupid informant told him, Izaya surely thought he was still working for that guy!

Shit…!

He was so god damn stupid!

Finally he reached the apartment and stormed into it.

"Iza-!" He stopped, shocked.

The flea wasn´t there. Neither his stuff was. But he sure left him something.

TRAITOR

That was the word Izaya had written all over the wall.

Shit. Shizuo let himself drop on the bed.

Dammit, he was too late! He was-

The sudden sound of a ringing phone startled him. Stunned, he realized it was a suppressed number. But he still picked up.

"Hello?"

"Traitor." Shizuo´s eyes widened as he recognized the owner of the voice.

"Izaya?! Where are you?!" he asked. Weird laughter was heard on the other side.

"Somewhere, were you won´t find me you traitor." Shizuo frowned.

"No, wait, that´s a misunder-" but Izaya didn´t let him finish.

"A misunderstanding?! Don´t make me laugh! I suppose you already saw the photos, no Shizu-chan, that´s by no means a misunderstanding… say, was it fun?" he suddenly asked, all former amusement in his voice vanished.

"Huh?"

"I asked if it was fun to fuck around with me that long! You sure must have laughed your ass off, over my trusting you." he explained, audibly angry.

"No that´s not-" Shizuo tried to explain.

"Shut up. I don´t wanna hear any more lies… You know, you really managed to achieve your goal. I congratulate you. I really trusted you there..."

"No, wait! Izaya! IZAYA!" Shizuo looked at his phone with anger, the flea had hung up on him.

Damnit, what should he do now?!

What should he…

He threw a punch to the wall next to him.

"SHIT!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …well... you didn´t see that coming right? XD But oooohhh, I assure you next chapter is gonna be great. The second one of my favourites… *0*


	12. I love you!

-Somewhere in point of view-

Damnit! Where?!

Where is he?!

About half an hour had passed since Shizuo got that call from Izaya.

Agitated, he dashed through the streets of Ikebukuro, hoping to catch a glimpse of the flea.

But to no avail.

No matter where he ran, where he looked, he didn´t find the damn flea. Calling him was also not a possibility, since Izaya had suppressed his number.

Shit…!

He wanted to clear the misunderstanding up so bad, he wanted to explain everything, but god damn it, how was he supposed to do that if the flea wasn´t even there?!

He already visited Izaya´s apartment – still empty.

Asked Shinra – he had no idea.

Met Simon – saw him the last time when they were eating at his place.

Damn it, just where did he go?!

Anger took the better of him and before he knew it an innocent wall next to him ended up being decorated with a decent hole.

Where is he?!

Guilt stabbed the former bartender like an arrow as he recalled the words painted on the wall.

Traitor.

Hell no, he wasn´t…!

He wasn´t a damn traitor!

"God, damn it!" frustrated he continued running down the street. He shouldn´t have accepted that job in the first place! Why did he do it anyway?!

Panting, he dashed through the streets.

Bystanders watched the debt collector curiously as he ran past them.

He glared at them with annoyance. Just as usual, they were giving him that despising look. Didn´t they have anything better to do that to watch other peop-

Suddenly Shizuo stopped in his tracks as his eyes widened.

"That´s it!"

Those damn people were always watching him no matter where he went, not only when he was fighting with Izaya, but when he was out alone as well!

That damn flea was just as famous as he was!

And Izaya definitely wasn´t someone that would go by unnoticed by these.

Without thinking twice, Shizuo turned and approached the first guy that he saw on the street.

"Oi, you!"

Realizing, that the fortissimo of Ikebukuro had just spoken to him the man flinched, preparing to run away as fast as he could, but there were other people standing around as well and before he could figure out a way to escape, Shizuo had already approached him.

Horrified, he looked at the blond towering over him.

Shizuo, however, didn´t even realize just what an effect he had on the poor man. His only interest concerned the flea now.

"Have you seen Orihara Izaya?" he asked, causing the man to twitch as he suddenly spoke to him.

But the man only stared at the debt collector, frightened instead of giving him a decent answer and Shizuo grabbed the guy by his shirt, visibly angered, and lifted him to his face.

"I asked if you have seen Orihara Izaya! Have you or have you not?!" he asked, pretty annoyed by the man.

"N-no, I-I haven´t." the frightened man managed to stutter.

"Tch." Without another word Shizuo dropped the guy and continued to run down the street.

So Izaya hadn´t been here.

He turned around the corner, running down a different road. Just as he reached the end of it he looked around again, looking for someone who could have seen the flea.

There were a few girls standing in front of a shop playing with their phones.

He approached them as well.

"You there, have you seen Orihara Izaya?" he asked the group.

They didn´t even look up from their phones as he asked the question, but did answer nonetheless.

"Orihara? No, not today." one of them said.

"Haven´t seen that guy in a while now." another answered.

"The last time I saw him was a few weeks ago when he fought with that crazy Heiwajima." the third replied and rose her head, her eyes widening, as she saw the man standing in front of her.

"H-heiwaj-jima Sh-shizuo?!" she shrieked, getting her two friends to look up as well, paling in the process.

However the feared bartender just turned around and continued running down the street. After hearing she hadn´t seen him for a few weeks he had stopped listening anyway.

He dashed down the streets continuing to ask people. The reaction was always the same – fear. Shizuo didn´t mind, the only one he cared about was the flea anyway, but no matter who he asked, no-one seemed to have seen Izaya.

Shizuo paused and punched a street sign out of frustration, making it bend a little downwards.

Damn it! How was he supposed to find this guy?!

He frowned. Izaya had always found him with no problem when he wanted to annoy him, so why was it so difficult the other way round?

He sighed depressed as he took out one of his cigarettes.

Just where did he go?

Where would he go if he thought Izaya betrayed him? Home?

But he wasn´t there.

To a bar?

Not quite what Izaya would do he guessed…

Damnit… he didn´t know a thing about the informant…

He motioned to light his cigarette when he noticed that his lighter didn´t work. Annoyed, he smashed it on the pavement.

"God damn it!" This was just so damn frustrating.

Why?!

Just why did this all have to happen?!

He looked at the unlit cigarette, his face glum.

Damn it…

A sudden flicker of light snapped him out of his thoughts and he raised his head. A rather old man was standing in front of him with a dog on the leash and holding out his burning lighter.

"Need fire?" he asked with a smile. Shizuo blinked surprised, but nodded with a sigh.

"Yeah, thanks." Gladly he lit his cigarette. The taste of nicotine at least comforted him a little bit. But it didn´t stop his mind to go back to thinking the blackest thoughts…

What if he didn´t find the flea?

What if something happened to him?

What if he hated him now even more than before?

He let himself lean onto a fence. Slowly he blew out the smoke and watched as it disappeared in the evening sky.

"You seem pretty down."

Suddenly Shizuo realized that the old man was still standing there, staring at him. He frowned a little bit.

"Tch, it´s not your business!" he yelled annoyed at the man for interfering in someone else's business, that didn´t concern him one bit. He did realize he was being quite rude to the geezer, but he didn´t care, he was just too pissed.

But to his utmost surprise the old man didn´t seem to mind his outburst at all. Instead he just leaned on the fence as well and started talking while petting his dog.

"You know, getting depressed will not help you solve your problems. You probably don´t want to hear that, especially from an old geezer like me. My grandson always glares at me for saying that as well. Stop feeling down, get up and change the things that make you feel that way."

Shizuo sighed. Well, the old man meant well, but still… what the hell should he do?

"It´s not that easy." he replied, exhaling the smoke from his cigarette trying not to overreact again.

The old man glanced at the debt collector.

"Why? Tell me. I may be an old geezer, but perhaps I can help you."

Shizuo sighed annoyed at that response. God that guy was persistent.

"No, I don´t think so, except you know where Izaya Orihara is right now." he replied, inhaling another dose of the soothing nicotine.

Honestly, what did he even do? Instead of talking to this man he should continue his search.

The question was just where? Where could he possibly look for the flea?

"Izaya Orihara?" the old man repeated and stopped petting his dog to look at the blond.

"Could you by any chance be Shizuo Heiwajima?" he suddenly asked out of the blue.

Shizuo raised his eyebrow at the question.

"Yeah, I am. So what?" Shizuo didn´t miss the sudden change in attitude, as the old man suddenly stood up tall and approached him quickly.

"Go to Victorian Harbour! He is there!" he suddenly said, catching Shizuo by surprise.

"Ha? Who is?"

"Izaya!" Shizuo nearly choked on his cigarette as he heard the response.

"What?! Old man, how do you-" but he didn´t let Shizuo finish as he suddenly moved and pushed the blond forward.

"You don´t have time for that now! Go, go!" he urged and continued pushing the blond in the direction of the harbour. Shizuo looked sceptically at the geezer. How the hell would he know that? And why would Izaya be at the harbour? He glanced one last time at the man.

Before he took a decision.

… what did he have to lose?

"Okay, thanks!" and with that said he dashed off.

He could at least check there, right?

…

The old man watched the former bartender amused, as he ran down the street.

"So that´s 'Shizu-chan'… I see." he petted his dog, smiling.

-Meanwhile on a ship in the Victorian Harbour of Ikebukuro. Izaya point of view-

He had enough of it.

Of everything.

His job, this city, the mastermind…

Shizuo…

It didn´t take long for him to make this decision. After he saw the photos and realized just how dumb he had been, he was just sick of it. He decided to go away. Somewhere far away… probably Russia? Hadn´t been there for a long time now.

Oh well, he didn´t actually check where this ship was going, anywhere would be better than here.

Now there he was. Alone on the backside of the cargo ship. After all he did sneak on board like a fare dodger…

He shook his head and laughed.

"Seriously, how stupid am I? I should have known that!" he said aloud. Even if someone was watching him he didn´t care if these petty humans thought he was a mental case.

He stopped laughing and dropped his head on his knees, looking at the setting sun.

That late already huh?

…

He should have known it.

He really should have.

After all Shizuo hated him! He told him so countless of times, and what did he do?

Believe the opposite!

Honestly… was that brute´s stupidity contagious?

"I am really stupid… I didn´t think Shizu-chan would be capable of such serious acting… well, he takes after his brother I guess…" he chuckled, but the tightness in his chest still didn´t falter.

…

He really thought for a moment the blond could hold something other than hate for him.

Not that he wanted him to!

No way!

He didn´t want Shizuo to love him.

He didn´t…

A sad smile tugged at his mouth.

"Really, I am so dumb…"

Staggered, he felt something warm and wet running down his face.

He rubbed his eyes hastily with his sleeve.

"The fuck? Why am I even sad? It´s just… stupid Shizu-chan…" he sighed heavily before burying his face in his knees.

"Just stupid Shizu-chan…"

…

"Shit…"

-Shizuo point of view-

Faster!

Faster, faster, faster!

That was about the only thing Shizuo could think about now as he dashed down the road to the Victorian Harbour.

He could already see it from where he was running and he sure as hell didn´t fail to notice that the only ship there was about to take off.

Already breathing heavily he sped up a tick more, anxiety for Izaya really being on that ship and leaving driving him forward.

Without thinking twice Shizuo stormed down the stairs, onto the landing bridge, ready to run on the ship.

But he was hindered for a second when suddenly some guy obviously being part of the staff of the cargo ship stood in his way.

"Wait, you can´t just get on this ship!" the man said.

Biggest mistake of his life.

He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth.

A glare more deadly than any Shizuo had ever shown before was directed at the man now quivering in front of him as he realized just who he was talking to.

"HUH?!"

\- both point of view-

Izaya raised his head, startled. Loud screaming and noises of crashing things reached his ears.

What was the sudden commotion about?

With curiousity getting the better of him, Izaya got up from his seating position and sneaked cautiously to the front of the ship, wanting to see what was going on there.

The second he looked past some cargo he froze.

There he was.

Shizuo.

Raging and beating up the people on the ship, seemingly trying to get on it.

Izaya looked at the blond, staggered.

What was he doing here?

Why was he beating up the people?

Did he know he was here?

If so how?

Who told him?

Questions over questions stormed through his mind as he watched the former bartender giving the staff a nice beating.

Considering it was Shizuo, it didn´t take too long until no-one of them dared to move even a finger.

Still too surprised to do anything but stare at the debt collector Izaya watched him as he got on the ship.

"IZAYAAAAA! COME OUT!" the blond suddenly yelled at the top of his lungs.

Izaya flinched at the sudden call of his name.

The fuck?! How did he know he was here?!

Somehow it really pissed Izaya off. There he went, wanted to go away, finally doing what the blond had always wanted, and he wouldn´t let him?!

What the hell?!

Anger overtook all former emotions Izaya had carried to this point, now he was just furious. Seriously pissed off at the blond, he grabbed his knife and got out from his hiding.

"CAN`T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!" he yelled back at the ex-bartender who looked at him with a shock.

Izaya raised an eyebrow.

Shit, he didn´t look like he really knew that he was here. He should have stayed hidden until he lef- NO. He was just too damn angry for that either way.

"Izaya! You-"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" Izaya interrupted him roughly. It was a rhetorical question.

Oh no, he wouldn´t allow the blond to talk his way out of it. All he ever told were lies anyway.

Only. Lies.

"Izaya, please listen, I-"

"Ha! Who would want to listen to you, all you ever tell are lies!" he declared, pointing his blade at the debt collector.

"That´s not-" Shizuo tried again, but Izaya didn´t let him finish.

"What? Ya think I´m gonna believe anything you say?!" he spat, fury visible in his eyes.

"Izay-"

"Too bad, I must let you down." he growled, approaching the blond further.

"Iza-" But Izaya, was in such a frenzy, he didn´t even notice the blond was talking.

"Do me a favour, just disappear! So that-" he continued, but this time Shizuo was the one to snap.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR A SECOND, WILL YA?! " Izaya glared at the debt collector for suddenly yelling at him.

"NO I WON`T!" he yelled back, he had absolutely no intention to listen to Shizuo´s excuses for even a second.

"You damn flea, if you don´t wanna listen, then I will just make you!" Shizuo bellowed.

Izaya felt a little sting in his chest as he remembered the last time Shizuo said that.

This time he definitely wasn´t talking about a tickling attack.

A hint of sadness stung him.

"Oh really?! Try it!" Izaya replied, getting ready for a fight.

And so they started it. Given the fact they were on a cargo ship, Shizuo didn´t really have trouble finding something to instantly throw at Izaya.

Instantly he grabbed a huge wooden box of the freight and hurled it at the flea.

Izaya dodged it of course, but didn´t miss that he was way slower than usual. These previous weeks had weakened him more than he would have liked to admit.

But still, Shizuo´s aim was off enough for Izaya to succeed in evading it.

With a swift movement Izaya run forward and slashed Shizuo, who was just picking up another freight, over his chest.

He smirked at the way this new wound resembled the first one he gave him.

"Haha, got ya." he chuckled maliciously while pointing the blade at Shizuo again.

This was definitely better, just the way they used to be just the way it should be... No weird sensations or questions to care about, just the good old hate.

The same way as back in highschool.

Shizuo frowned at the wound, it too reminded him of their first encounter, but… what was he doing? He wasn´t here to fight the flea for god´s sake!

"Izaya, listen to me. I just-" Izaya frowned at the sudden disappearance of hate in Shizuo´s eyes as he dropped the freight he had picked up earlier.

He didn´t want to fight the flea. Not at all, that´s not what he had come here for.

"SHUT UP! " Izaya suddenly yelled and charged at Shizuo for the second time with his knife.

He wanted the blond to get angry, he didn´t want Shizuo to look at him with that look, that damn feigned warm look.

However this time Shizuo managed to actually evade the attack and grab the flea´s arm, making him drop the knife he held before. With one swift movement Shizuo pressed him against the door of a cabin.

Izaya wriggled and tried to get out from his grip, but Shizuo didn´t let him. Instead he grabbed his other wrist and pinned it to the door behind him as well.

He was captured.

"Shit…!" Izaya sweared, glaring at the debt collector in front of him.

"Izaya. It´s true I worked for him once, I even observed you, and it´s true, that I was in your apartment to search for information about you,- " Shizuo began, but was interrupted by the flea yet again.

"So you admit it!" he hissed.

Izaya didn´t know why, but these few words somehow hurt more than they should have.

If he had to choose, he would have preferred the blond to lie.

However, Shizuo wasn´t finished yet.

"BUT ONLY FOR 2 DAYS!" he suddenly yelled, forcing the flea to look at him.

"Huh?" Now it was Izaya´s time to be confused.

"I didn´t tell him one thing about you! I just watched you for two days! To save you when you were trapped by these guys was my decision, not his!" Shizuo began to explain.

What is he talking about now?!

Izaya didn´t want to hear any of that, he was lying anyway, so why bother listening?

"Shut up! That´s a lie!" he replied with a glare.

"No it´s not!" Shizuo repeated annoyed, already motioning to continue talking when the flea interrupted him yet again.

"Then tell me, why did you help me and why are you being my bodyguard? If not to make me believe I am safe, then for what purpose?!" Izaya asked.

The rage that had began to build in Shizuo´stomach when the flea interrupted him yet again, suddenly disappeared as he asked that question.

Shizuo went silent.

"That´s …" Izaya glowered at the blond. Now he was at a loss for words… Didn´t surprise him, with that little protozoic brain of his he sure couldn´t come up with a decent excuse for that.

"See? You can´t give me an answer." Izaya declared bitterly. Of course not. How should he?

He saw the photos, he knew Ryosuke was right…

"So you were lying after all. I knew it, I shouldn´t have-"

"I love you."

…

Perplexed, Izaya tilted his head upwards to face the blond.

…

…what?

"Huh?"

"You wanna know a reason for my acting weird lately? There you have it, I love you!" Shizuo suddenly declared again, determination in his eyes.

The flea´s mouth gaped open as he continued to stare at the debt collector in disbelieve.

No way…

"…that´s obviously a lie." he replied staggered.

"No it´s not!" Izaya smiled bitterly at the response.

No way. Shizuo definitely didn´t love him. That was just an excuse. A really good one he had to admit.

"Sorry, but you can´t expect me to actually believe such a ridiculous thing. I mean, why would you suddenly like someone, that you always hated?!" he countered, curiously waiting what the blond would come up with now.

"It´s true! Why else would you think I saved you from that trap?! If I really was working for that guy, I just would have let you die there!" Shizuo explained.

Izaya frowned. Yup. That´s what it should look like at least.

"Another lie. I guess that mastermind wanted to see me die for himself and torture me, so you had to protect me till he got that chance." Izaya replied, invalidating his statement.

"That´s not it you damn flea!" Shizuo denied. Izaya glared at the former bartender with annoyance.

He wouldn´t get anywhere with the blond by trying to reason with him.

"Well if you can´t prove that what you´re saying is true, I won´t believe you." he challenged.

"Prove?" Shizuo asked.

"Yeah, prove it! Without proof how am I supposed to trust-"

Izaya didn´t get to finish his sentence.

Time seemed to stop for a single second there.

Bewildered, he stared at the blond not able to comprehend the situation as his lips were sealed with Shizuo´s.

"Shizu-cha-" he whispered surprised, but the instant he parted his lips, Shizuo just leaned forward and pressed the flea against the door, deepening the kiss in the process.

Izaya´s eyes shot open in surprise as he felt the foreign hot object in his mouth. His thoughts and feelings riding rollercoaster at the sensation.

…

Shizuo.

…

Shizuo Heiwajima. Was. Kissing. Him.

But as fast as the kiss had begun it ended.

Anxious for the flea´s reaction Shizuo let go of him and stepped back a bit. This wasn´t only a matter of clearing a misunderstanding anymore.

Fuck, he just declared his love to the flea!

But the raven didn´t say anything. No insults, no laughter, not even accusations. Just what this could mean?

Nothing.

Uneasy, Shizuo shifted his weight from one leg to the other.

"Is that good enough proof?" he asked quietly not taking his eyes of Izaya for even a second.

But he didn´t get an answer.

Speechless.

Izaya was rendered speechless.

No words seemed to come to mind as he looked at the blond.

He had just kissed him for god´s sake, he should have a lot to say now right? Maybe yell at him for suddenly doing that, or asking him what that meant, anything…

And yet, his mind was blank.

Shizuo cleared his throat as he realized the flea wasn´t going to reply soon.

"Izaya, think about it, if I really hated you, would I ever do something like this, just to fulfill a job? I think you know me long enough to know that´s something I would never do if I seriously hated you!" he tried to explain, fidgetingly fishing one of his cigarettes out of his pocket.

The way Izaya just kept quiet really drove him insane.

Did he do that on purpose? Did he want to tease him by doing that, or was he just so surprised...?

Shizuo didn´t know. So he decided to go for another shot.

Maybe he didn´t quite get it yet. He approached the raven again, who didn´t even flinch at the approach and grabbed him by both shoulders to get the flea to look him into the eyes.

"Izaya. I love you, very much so. The reason I agreed to be your bodyguard was that I could be near you and protect you without seeming weird. I wasn´t given some kind of order from some creepy asshole, to do that, I just wanted to make sure that nothing happened to you." he continued speaking.

"To save you when you were trapped in that warehouse was my decision, not his."

He eyed the informant anxiously, said informant still not saying a word.

"Do you believe me now…?" Shizuo asked, almost terrified of hearing the response Izaya would give now.

His heart almost skipped a beat, when the flea suddenly tilted his head and motioned to reply something, when he was interrupted.

"What a heart warming scene!" Both flinched, startled by the sudden foreign voice interfering with their conversation.

They turned around. A man wearing a long dark coat and hat approached them. Instantly Shizuo recognized the guy and protectively moved in front of Izaya.

Arizawa.

He laughed at the blond´s reaction and slowly began clapping his hands.

"W-what are you doing here?" Izaya suddenly asked stuttering, making Shizuo twitch as he heard the informant's voice.

Izaya didn´t fail to catch the nervous glance Shizuo gave him, but he was concerned by something different now.

"Izaya, you know that guy?" Shizuo suddenly asked, sounding quite agitated.

"Of course, that´s my informant, how could I not know him?" Izaya replied shrugging.

However, the look Shizuo gave him the moment those words left his mouth left him feel uneasy.

"What´s wrong? That´s just Ryosuke." he said trying to shrug off the bad feeling he got, but the way Shizuo looked at him told him that wasn´t going to happen.

"No… Izaya, he is…he is the one who hired me to observe you." Shizuo finally managed to murmur through tight lips.

Izaya stared at the former bartender with a shock before turning his gaze at Ryosuke.

What?!

"How sad, now you ruined the surprise…" Ryosuke aka Arizawa suddenly replied with a chuckle, watching them with a malicious smile plastered on his face.

"You´re-" Izaya began, but his voice gave out on him as realization hit him.

"That´s right, I am the one who wanted to kill you. The 'mastermind' as you used to call me." Ryosuke replied still smirking evilly and laughed.

Izaya, however, could do nothing but stare perplexed at the scene playing in front of him.

Ryosuke … was the mastermind.

"Haha, that look is absolutely the best!" Ryosuke laughed and pointed at Izaya.

Suddenly it all made sense. Why his clients all found each other so conveniently. It hadn´t been someone who specifically observed Izaya, but just his informant who got told by no-one other than himself who they were.

No research was needed.

"You bastard! " Shizuo glared at the informant.

"You really fell for it Heiwajima-kun. As precautious as I am I even went and painted a false scar on my face the day we first met, just in case we met again and what´s this? You saw me coming out from our meeting point and didn´t even suspect a thing. Honestly you made it too easy." he laughed teasingly.

"You fucking asshole!" Shizuo shot him a glare and already motioned to grab a freight.

"Ara, I would stop that if I were you." Ryosuke suddenly said, pulling out a gun from his coat.

Shizuo paused. Ryosuke continued his speech.

"Too bad you declined the job. If you kept it I wouldn´t have to kill you now. Oh yeah, Izaya, what he said is true, he didn´t even give me one piece of useful information. But you really acted nothing like I thought you would, you actually fell in love with that bastard! That´s so sweet…" he smiled maliciously at the two.

"However, that ruined my plan almost completely, you were protecting him quite good Heiwajima-kun. No matter what I did, you just wouldn´t die. You even survived an explosion right next to you for god´s sake! Gladly, I came up with the idea to show Izaya pictures of you and the „mastermind". You totally fell for my trap Mr. Top Information Broker! And now I am gonna kill you." he chuckled, and aimed at Izaya.

Shizuo protectively shoved the flea behind him.

"Who is gonna kill whom?" he challenged the man as he motioned to grab a freight. But he immediately stopped as the informant aimed at him again.

"Ara, I didn´t know you had bad eyesight Heiwajima-kun. Look, this here is a gun~ No matter how invincible you think you are, a bullet to the heart would kill even you~"

Shizuo gulped. Shit, he god damn knew he wasn´t invincible. His bones were strong as fuck, yeah. But this was entirely different matter.

"Wait, you can´t! " Izaya suddenly said and moved in front of Shizuo.

"Flea?!" Shizuo asked uneasy as Izaya moved just directly in Ryosuke´s line of fire.

"He has a life threatening illness, and only because of a certain piece of information I have on the doctor who treats him, he doesn´t charge him for a yen. Otherwise the treatment would be even too difficult for him to pay. He can´t kill me, because then they won´t treat him anymore." Izaya explained to the former bartender.

Suddenly Shizuo remembered. Right, Izaya did tell him before that Ryosuke had some health problem and therefore would never kill him.

Suddenly Ryosuke broke into a laughing fit.

"Ah, well you don´t know everything, do you? You see doctors have to follow something called confidentiality. I am gonna die Izaya-kun. No escaping that. I don´t need your service anymore." he explained still aiming at Izaya.

"First I killed off Shingeki. I needed someone to put the blame on afterwards. I took his phone, sent that SMS about that playing-with-fire-burns comment and got you kidnapped. If Shizuo hadn´t appeared I would have just gotten to kill you without even raising suspicion. Too bad my plan failed."

He sighed theatrically.

"So I had to think of something else. Just to confuse you some more I continued using Shingeki´s phone. Wouldn´t have been necessary though, after all you already figured out that it wasn´t Shingeki who wanted to kill you, as you told me. Oh god, you don´t know how damn hilarious it was. You coming to me to find out who this person trying to murder you was!" he laughed.

Izaya stared at the man in front of him with disbelieve. It really had been him. The whole time.

How come he didn´t realize it?!

The obvious confusion on Izaya´s face sure seemed to amuse the other informant.

"If you´re wondering: "Why does he even want to kill me?", let me enlighten you. You know, I had a sister once. Her name was Akane Kuroshi. Does it ring something?"

Izaya´s eyes widened as he remembered. That girl had been interfering with his business concerning the Awakusu-kai and things were getting risky. He told Shiki-san to pay her a visit to get her to stop sticking her nose were it didn´t belong.

But things got out of hand. The deal was blown off and Shiki never got to speak to that girl.

"That was your sister?" Izaya asked surprised. Even though he knew everything, that piece of information wasn´t in his memory.

"Half sister. It´s no wonder you didn´t know. Being an information broker is dangerous business Izaya. One would be the wisest if he kept those that he cared for as far away as possible. But either way, it was your fault Izaya-kun~ And you are gonna pay for it!"

A devious grin spread over his face as he stared at the raven in anticipation.

"Initially I planned on making you squirm much more, but you see, I have quite a time limit here and I doubt I would get another chance to kill you like this."

Izaya´s eyes widened.

Shit!

He frantically looked around for a way to escape when he suddenly was tugged backwards again. He found himself being trapped in strong arms as the blond turned around.

"Last words?" Ryosuke asked laughing as Shizuo leaned down and began whispering into his ear.

"Don´t worry I won´t let you get hurt." These were the words Shizuo said smiling at the flea.

Then everything went fast.

Izaya felt Shizu´s arms on his coat for a short while before he suddenly went flying.

Shizuo had thrown him.

BANG

A shot was heard.

Izaya crashed into the railing of the ship, flinching at the sudden pain that shot through him as he landed on his waist.

BANG

Another shot.

A scream.

Confused, Izaya looked back to where he stood before.

Shizuo wasn´t there anymore.

He quickly glanced to his informant.

His eyes widened.

"Shiz-"

Ryosuke was lying flat face on the ground. Gun thrown far away. He was out for good.

Shizuo was in front of him. Blood staining his shirt as he dropped to his knees.

One hand supporting him to not fall over and the other gripping his shirt tightly.

Coughing shook his body like tidal waves.

A crimson liquid flowing from the corner of his mouth.

"SHIZUO!"

Izaya got up franically and dashed to the blond. A blood puddle was already forming on the ground.

Izaya dropped himself in front of him, shoving the blond´s hand away to take a look at the debt collector's wound.

His breathing was heavy and unstable, blood dripping uncontrollably.

Izaya´s stomach churned at the sight. Yes, Shizuo had been shot, really damn fucking near the place his heart was supposed to be.

"Lie down!" he cried. Shizuo did as he said, his sight already becoming a bit blurry from the blood loss.

Izaya took off his coat hectically and pressed it firmly on the wound while fishing out his phone from his pocket.

Shinra´s number was on the emergency list.

"Izaya, what do you-" but the doctor didn´t even get to ask what the flea wanted.

"Shinra! Victorian Harbour, cargo ship! NOW!" Izaya almost yelled at the bespectacled man, not giving him a chance to go on rambling again as he hung up.

Shivering, he pressed down on Shizuo´s wound.

Damnit…!

GOD DAMNIT!

This all happened just because of him! Just because he didn´t realize sooner what Ryosuke had planned! Because he didn´t trust Shizuo!

God damn it, he could have asked him!

He could have fucking asked him!

Then this wouldn´t have happened!

Shizuo wouldn´t have been shot!

He wouldn´t have lose blood!

He wouldn´t-

"Izaya." The blond suddenly muttered, placing his hand on the flea´s shivering one.

No matter how he looked at it, Izaya actually seemed to be… worried.

"Don´t… worry…I won´t… go down… so easily." Shizuo smiled, panting as he tried to calm down the flea.

However, he earned just a glare for that.

"Won´t go down?! Damnit, Shizuo, you were shot, are loosing a fucking lot amount of blood and I don´t even know if Ryosuke stroke your heart or if he missed it…!" he announced shutting his eyes tightly.

"Why did you have to protect me?! You´re so stupid!"

"Flea-" Shizuo tried to reply something, but instead began to cough up blood again.

"Shut up, don´t talk!" Izaya´s eyes shot back open, panic rising in him.

Damnit… this was all his fault.

Only his.

…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand, that´s it! :D I hope you liked this chapter~ -^.^-


	13. Awkward

-Shinra´s place. Shizuo point of view-

"Shizuo! Stop moving, please!" Shinra squealed as he re-entered the room, seeing a standing Shizuo.

"Tch, don´t tell me what to do Shinra." The blond snorted and continued stomping in the direction of Shinra´s door.

"Shizuo…" Shinra sighed. Shizuo just ignored the doctor. Annoyed he stopped as dark shadows blocked his way.

"Celty..." Said dullahan began typing on her PDA.

(Please stay.) Shizuo sighed.

"I am fine for god´s sake…" he replied.

"Fine! You are not fine! You were lucky that guy missed your heart Shizuo! I mean, a clean shot through the lung is no laughing matter either, but well, since your doctor is me and you are you…"

"Exactly, it´s me we are talking about. I am fine." Shizuo declared.

Cetly, however, still held him back with her shadows.

(Shizuo, Shinra said that wound is not healed yet and -)

"Please…" Shizuo said. "I won´t do anything reckless, I just want to look for Izaya." He explained.

He glanced at the doctor who suddenly went all fidgety.

"Oh is that so~? Ne, ne Shizuo, what´s going on with Izaya~?" he asked, changing from doctor into annoying fly mode. The former bartender sighed at the switch.

Oh god, here he comes…

"I don´t know why he reacted that way." Shizuo shrugged. Honestly. He didn´t know why the flea was doing what he was doing at all.

"You don´t know…? ….Really~?" Shinra pried, obviously longing to hear more from the blond. Shizuo tried to ignore the doctor, his annoyance growing. He was seriously not in the mood to talk with him about Izaya.

However, he didn´t give up quite yet.

"Come on Shizuo, what happened between you two~?" Shinra asked with a wide grin plastered on his face.

"Huh? What do you mean? " Shizuo asked, trying to pretend to not know what the man was talking about.

But Shinra didn´t let himself be shrugged off that easily.

"Oh, come on, did you think I wouldn´t figure out what´s going on with you when you asked me so worriedly if I can treat Izaya and you looked so relieved after he woke up?" he asked with a smirk, referring to the day Shizuo saved the flea from the warehouse.

Shizuo still decided to not say anything as the bespectacled continued to ramble on his own.

"I´m not an idiot, I know you love him~ And surely there must be something going on. I mean Izaya called me to help you. No matter what you say, that´s really suspicious~ So tell me! What happened?" he stepped in front of Shizuo trying to stop him from going outside.

The blond, however, just glared at the bespectacled doctor. What did he want to imply? Did he think that Izaya maybe felt something for him? He gritted his teeth out of annoyance.

Stupid doctor..

No way…

Izaya probably didn´t even feel a thing for him. He fucking kissed him on that ship yesterday… and then…

"Shut up…" he growled, which immediately piqued Shinra´s interest.

"Eh..? What? Don´t tell me… One sided lov-?!" he didn´t even get to finish his sentence as a fist connected with his face.

Rubbing his cheek, Shinra sat on the floor.

"Shizuo you´re so mean…" he pouted. Shizuo sighed angrily. He didn´t even punch that hard. When would that damn doctor get that he should just shut up?

The only thing he wanted to do now was to go outside, find the flea and figure out what was going on with him…

-The day before-

Fear.

That was what the flea´s expression showed.

Ryosuke was standing opposite to them, aiming at Izaya. He already finished his glorious explanation on how smart he was and now it was only a matter of time until he really shot the flea.

Without thinking twice Shizuo grabbed the flea´s wrist, tugging him backwards. Surprised by the sudden motion, he almost seemed to stumble, but Shizuo caught him.

And there it was again, that scared, almost panicked expression.

No way.

He wasn´t going to let that guy shoot his flea.

"Don´t worry I won´t let you get hurt." He whispered to the informant's ear.

He didn´t even get to see what kind of face Izaya made. Almost in a flash Ryosuke spat something about last words and Shizuo grabbed the flea´s coat, throwing the raven to the side of the ship.

His actions didn´t fail to surprise Ryosuke as he looked stunned at Izaya.

Without wasting another second Shizuo dashed forward. Snapping back to Shizuo, Ryosuke aimed at him.

BANG

He shot.

Shizuo felt something hit his chest, but adrenaline rushed through his veins and the only thought he could think of was getting that bastard before he could hurt Izaya.

Arizawa seemed to be rather shocked by the way Shizuo didn´t even pause when he was shot.

And then Shizuo reached him.

The guy aimed at his head.

Shizuo grabbed his arm.

Bent it down-

BANG

The second shot.

But this time it didn´t hit Shizuo.

The arm holding the gun had been twisted around and Ryosuke shot himself in the chest.

A scream left the informant's lips and his face distorted in pain.

With one last effort Shizuo ripped the gun out of his hand and threw it away. Ryosuke fell down.

Shizuo didn´t know if he was dead or just unconcious, but either way it didn´t matter.

"Shiz-"

The flea´s whisper reached his ears, but Shizuo only barely heard it as he dropped to his knees.

Only in the last second he managed to strech out a hand, supporting his weight to not fall down flat face on the ground.

His breathing was ragged and suddenly he realized he couldn´t inhale properly. Intense coughing shook his body as he coughed up the blood that kept him from breathing.

"SHIZUO!"

This time he heard the flea clearly. Well, it would have been pretty bad if he didn´t, considering how loud he was yelling his name.

Before he knew it the raven was by his side, taking a look at his injuries.

He didn´t have to look at the flea´s face – which turned as white as a wall – to know just how bad it had to be.

"Lie down!" the flea ordered. And he gladly followed the order since he was feeling rather lightheaded by now.

He faintly felt Izaya press something against his wound. It was only later that he realized it was his coat the info broker used.

Izaya must have called Shinra, at least Shizuo figured as much when the raven continued speaking.

"Shinra! Victorian Harbour, cargo ship! NOW" the flea yelled.

He didn´t know if Izaya told the doctor anything else aside from these few words, or if he just passed out for a while, but he didn´t hear more than that from the flea.

Broken bones, slash wounds - no problem, but the blood loss and the lack of air was getting to him.

Next thing he knew was that the raven had placed both his hands back at his wound, seemingly trying to stop the bleeding.

By now Shizuo´s sight was rather blurry and he couldn´t really see what kind of face Izaya was making, but for an instant he thought he felt the flea´s hands… shaking. Almost as if Izaya was worried.

"Izaya." He began with a voice as soothing as he could manage to speak in, considering how hard it was to just breathe.

He placed his hand on the flea´s and forced a smile.

"Don´t… worry…I won´t… go down… so easily." He began panting.

However, Izaya seemed to disagree with him on that aspect.

"Won´t go down?! Damnit, Shizuo, you were shot, are losing a fucking lot amount of blood and I don´t even know if Ryosuke stroke your heart or if he missed it…!" he yelled.

If Shizuo didn´t know better, he would have almost thought, that Izaya was really worried for him.

Him, his most hated enemy…

He must have been delirious…

"Flea-" Shizuo began, but was interrupted as his ability to breathe suddenly decided to fade away yet again.

"Shut up, don´t talk!" those were the last words Shizuo heard from the flea.

His voice was far too gone to reply something, and the raven didn´t seem to intend to talk to him as well.

However, the blood loss really did get to Shizuo because somewhere along the way he lost consciousness for a while.

At least that had to have been the case, because when he woke up he was already at Shinra´s place.

His sight had gotten better again. He could actually make out Celty and Izaya standing right beside him, Shinra shooting up from his chair and storming over.

He cloudily remembered the doctor asking him a few questions about how he felt and some symptoms… and that was all he could recall hearing from his bespectacled friend.

What he did remember though was the look Izaya gave him.

Mouth shut into a tight line, eyes glaring at him. He really seemed pissed off, but not only … pissed off. Shizuo didn´t know how to interpret it, but if he didn´t know better, he would have thought Izaya actually looked a bit … relieved at that moment.

Could have been his imagination though.

What surprised him even more was when Izaya began to speak.

"So he is gonna be okay?" Shinra had been going on and on about how incredible Shizuo's body was and how lucky he was to actually survive, but Izaya just interrupted him. The way his voice sounded was clearly carved into Shizuo´s mind.

It was unnaturally calm and… relieved?

"Sure, after all it´s Shizuo we are talking about." Shinra responded, obviously not really paying attention to the raven as he was still busy analyzing every fascinating aspect of Shizuo´s body.

Next thing Shizuo knew Izaya was at the door, wearing his coat back on.

"Don´t you dare leaving before you have healed." Those have been the last words Izaya directed at the blond with a glare before he slipped out of the room.

Immediately Shizuo shot up from bed. He wanted to say something, to ask where he was going. To ask what the hell he was going to reply to his confession earlier! He wanted to ask so many damn questions, but just as he sat up his vision went black again.

-Now-

He had been out until 10:00 pm the next day.

"Come on, tell me!" Shinra pouted again.

"…You…" Shizuo already intended to say something to shut the doctor up, but being given the fact that he was talking to Shinra, he knew he wouldn´t succeed anyway.

"What?" Shinra asked when the blond stopped talking mid-sentence.

"I don´t know …" Shizuo admitted, only earning a confused look from the bespectacled man.

"Huh? What do you mean by that?" Shinra tried to dig further, but Shizuo definitely wasn´t in the mood to talk to him now.

"Thank you for patching me up Shinra, really, but I will go now." he announced and grabbed his vest.

"Huh?! You can´t just leave at the most interesting part!" Shinra squealed and already motioned to stop the blond from leaving, but was immediately held back by the shadows of his beloved.

"Celty, why are you stopping me~?" Shinra asked huffily. She quickly began to type on her PDA.

(Leave him alone.) Then she went on typing and showed Shizuo a message as well.

(Take care of yourself okay? And talk to Izaya.) Shizuo read her note and nodded.

"Don´t worry." He replied and made his way out of Shinra´s apartment.

He definitely was going to talk to the flea. Even if that meant to be outright rejected. Which was probably the outcome Shizuo should prepare for…

As soon as he stepped outside, he motioned to lit himself a cigarette, only to realize that the doctor had taken them away from him.

"Tch, damn it." Oh well, it probably wasn´t that good of an idea to smoke after being shot in the lung anyway. He frowned at the inconvenient feeling of having bandages wrapped around his whole upper chest.

Since he had broken his bones countless times when he was a kid, his pain barrier also moved up quite a bit. His wound didn´t hurt, it was just kinda annoying.

Annoying for a lot of reasons. If that damn Ryosuke didn´t shoot him then he wouldn´t have lost so much blood, he wouldn´t have had so much trouble breathing, he wouldn´t have passed out, he wouldn´t have taken almost a day to recover and he wouldn´t have to search for the flea now!

For the flea that was obviously avoiding him!

Frowning, he strolled through the streets of Ikebukuro. It was late. Not many people were on the streets except him.

He sighed.

What was going on with the flea? Why did he look so angry when Shizuo woke up? No matter how hard he thought about it, it didn´t make sense.

At the ship, when the flea was actually trying to help him to survive he really did seem to be actually worried, or a least a little bit concerned, so …

Why?

Was it something he di-

Oh…

…

Shit.

Is he mad because I kissed him…?

Now that he thought about it, he never got to know what the flea actually thought of that. Sure, on the ship he was probably too busy saving his life to be angry, but now…

Damnit... Izaya probably hated him now even more than before. He doubtlessly was disgusted by him now…

Frustrated, Shizuo brushed a hand through his hair.

He shouldn´t have done that out of the blue. But... what other choice has he had? The flea wouldn´t just believe his words after all…!

"Itterasshai~!" Shizuo stopped as he heard a familiar voice. It was Simon, he was standing in front of his sushi restaurant and advertising like everyday. Not many people were there since it was quite late, but Simon still didn´t stop drawing attention with a happy smile. Just as usual.

Shizuo didn´t even notice he was walking in the direction of his restaurant.

He smiled a bit as his thoughts trailed back to the time he last visited Simon´s place.

With Izaya.

That was really nice. That whole day was really nice. Even when Izaya placed that damn kitten on his neck…

A little smile tugged at the corner of the blond´s lips.

It was fun to tease the flea like that… to just … be together like that…

He sighed and continued his walk.

Even if Izaya hated him now even more than before… he at least wanted to hear that from his mouth.

He continued walking down the streets and looking for the flea.

But Izaya was nowhere to be found. Shizuo didn´t even bother to look for him at his apartment or Izaya´s second one.

He wouldn´t be there. So he kept looking around the city. Swinging between Ikebukuro and Shinjuku.

But no matter where he went, Izaya wasn´t there. It was almost as if he disappeared.

What if he did?

Shizuo was out of it for almost 24 hours. Enough time for the flea to make his leave.

Kinda frustrated Shizuo sat down on a bench, tilted his head backwards and stared at the black sky.

Where are you…?

He remembered the surprised look that Izaya gave him when he leaned in for a kiss. Maybe he still was in Ikebukuro, just hiding from him.

No, Izaya wouldn´t hide… he probably just didn´t want to see him.

He said it before. If he really didn´t want to bump into Shizuo he would know a lot of ways to not let Shizuo find him…

"Tch, damn smart flea…" Shizuo murmured.

Maybe he should just stay away from him for a bit. Searching was to no avail anyway…

But on the other hand… maybe something happened to him?

Aw, shit! Shizuo knew Izaya wasn´t the kind of a man who couldn´t take care of himself. Fuck, it was quite the opposite! But still, he couldn´t help but worry.

He stood up nervously and continued strolling down the streets.

No-one was allowed to hurt his flea…!

If he just knew where he was…

"Damnit…!" he never thought he would ever think that in his whole life, but…

It was irritating to not have the flea by his side…

\- Izaya point of view. Ikebukuro-

Damn it!

Damn it, damn it, damn it!

Izaya wandered through Ikebukuro annoyed. His thoughts still lingering on the event that took place the day before.

That damn Ryosuke! How come I didn´t realize any of this sooner?

How dare he shoot Shizuo?!

Anger took over him and before he knew it, he punched a light pole next to him, immediately frowning at the simliarity of a certain enemy´s behaviour.

Talking about that brute!

What the hell was he thinking?! That stupid Shizuo…!

"I love you! "

Why the hell did he say that?!

"Another lie. I guess that mastermind wanted to see me die for himself and torture me, so you had to protect me till he got that chance."

"That´s not it you damn flea!"

"Well if you can´t prove what you´re saying is true I won´t believe you."

Why did I even ask for proof?!

"Prove?"

"Yeah prove it! Without proof, how am I supposed to trust-"

Izaya couldn´t prevent the heat rushing up his face as he unwillingly remembered the sensation when Shizuo kissed him on the lips.

Just why was Shizuo always so unpredictable?! Only he would do something like that!

Does he really love me? Why? How?

I hate him!

…

He sighed as he leaned onto the railing next to the street.

Well… maybe that wasn´t quite true anymore….

Somehow these past days… he saw a lot of new sides or expressions of Shizuo he never saw before. At least not directed towards him.

"I won´t let you get hurt."

He saved him. The day before Shizuo threw him out of the way so that Ryosuke wouldn´t hurt him.

And he was shot, because of him…

Izaya was angry. No, to be precise he was mad. But not exactly at Shizuo…

More at himself.

Somehow Izaya felt guilty. No matter how much he tried to deny it, it was his fault Shizuo ended up being shot.

He frowned. He almost never felt guilty for something he did… not quite one of his favourite feelings.

Being sad was another one of those feelings… he actually was sad when he thought Shizuo had betrayed him… Even thought he didn´t knew exactly why, he just was. There was no denying that, considering that on the ship he even … cried… because he felt so betrayed…

And when Shizuo was shot… even though he hated to admit it, it scared the shit out of him. When he suddenly fell forward, started to cough up blood… When he actually saw the crimson liquid relentlessly flowing from his wound and Shizuo actually dared to pass out on him after he called Shinra…!

That time he really thought it was over.

He really thought…

He had to admit he didn´t want the blond to die.

But… what exactly did he think of Shizuo now?

Irritated, Izaya rubbed his temples.

He didn´t know... damnit, all these weird thoughts gave him a headache…

But what muddled him up the most wasn´t the thinking he had to do... but this warm feeling that just kept lingering in his chest since the day before.

Or, to be more exact, the moment Shizuo confessed his love.

He knew why he felt guilty, he knew why he felt angry, but…

Why was he... happy?

He wasn´t able to finish that thought, as he suddenly noticed strange movements at the corner of his eye.

It was dark and he was just walking down a dimly lit street. A few closed shops were on both sides of the road. Attention now focused on his surroundings, Izaya realized that someone was following him.

Slowly.

Alerted, Izaya glanced in one of the dark shop windows. Considering the lamps on the road illuminated the outside more than the inside he was able to see his surroundings in it like in a mirror.

It didn´t take him long to make out five guys, slowly following him a few steps behind.

He scanned his surroundings anxiously. Normally he would just turn around and approach scums like that, but he only knew too well that he wasn´t in a conditon where he could pull off his usual stunts and slip away fast enough if it became too hot.

During the past days his stamina had decreased a lot and the fact that his wound was still present didn´t help much either.

Shit, maybe he really should have listened to Shinra…

He was in a one-way street down a hill. And he sure as hell knew that this was a dead end.

He had to think.

Fast.

Sudden acceleration of the steps following him caught his attention.

"If that isn´t our information broker. What are you going here this late?" one of the men asked him in a teasing voice. Izaya turned around, knowing that there was no escape route even if he did run down the street.

"Ah, I don´t feel like telling you punks at all…." He shrugged and put on his usual self-confident mask.

He just had to somehow distract the men so he could ran past them - and then hide.

"What did you say?!" one of them asked, obviously annoyed by the sneaky response. He took a step forward, probably to attack Izaya in some way, but said informant quickly took the opportunity and charged forward himself. Flipping open the knife in his pocket he managed to cut the man across his chest. Swearing, the grunt backed off.

"You fucking asshole!" Izaya took a few steps back again, not losing the sight of his enemies for one second and smirked.

"Ara, was that me? I am so sorry~!" he grinned and pointed his knife at the group.

It was okay, as long as he had his knife he still had a chance.

"What´s wrong~? Come at me! Or are you afraid~?" he teased the men, playing over the actual anxiousness he was experiencing. It was always best to anger his opponents, they would lose their calm and give Izaya the opportunity to outsmart them and slip away.

"You-!" one of them growled angrily and, just as Izaya expected, dashed towards him followed by two of the other men.

He evaded the punch of the first that was aimed at him and slipped away. He managed to dodge the two who tried to grab him as well.

Only 2 left. If he slipped even past them he could make a run for it. But the last ones remaining weren´t attacking him to Izaya´s surprise. Only too late did he realize that running towards them had been a big mistake.

The moment he tried to rush past them they set into motion. A powerful kick to the stomach from one of them was enough to stop Izaya in his tracks. A wave of pain hit his body as he quickly stepped backwards, away from the now obviously more dangerous two.

Black dots started to invade his vision as he aimlessly swung his knife in front of him, trying to keep them at a distance while holding his waist.

Laughter filled the cold air.

"What´s wrong Orihara-kun? Did we hurt you a bit~?" one of the calmer two asked with a crazy grin, sending a shiver down Izaya´s spine.

Shit…! That´s not good..!

Now the situation got even worse, enemies to the left and right while having a wall behind his back that was too high to jump over for an escape was definitely not good.

How do I get away…?!

One eye squeezed tightly from the pain, he held his side, still violently throbbing.

This was bad. Seriously bad!

If he could just distract them for a second maybe he could get away, but how...?!

Ho-

His eyes widened when a sudden thought crossed his mind.

That´s it!

A smirk appeared on his face as he looked purposely behind the men surrounding him.

"Ara! You are late Shizu-chan~!" he announced, still looking right behind the men.

"Heiwajima Shizuo?!" Immediately every single one turned around looking for the feared fortissimo of Ikebukuro. However, of course, there was nobody. They looked back to where Izaya was standing seconds ago, but he was no longer there. Instead he was dashing up the road. As fast as his body allowed him to.

"Orihara! "

Just somewhere to hide, that was all he was searching for, he couldn´t run until he just lost these guys, his stamina wouldn´t allow that. He needed to hide.

"Get him!"

He dashed along the road, the guys still closer than Izaya would have liked them to be. He was already out of breath and his wound, having been kicked before, hurt even more due to the sudden strain on it.

"You can´t run forever!"

Quickly, he turned right at the end of the street and glanced back for a split second. But they were still there. He couldn´t just hide in an alley if they saw him leaping into it.

"Oriharaaaa!"

And to worsen it all, they even seemed to get closer by the second!

So he continued to run. Fast.

His breath was raged, his wound hurt and every muscle in his body told him to stop. But he ran. He ran as fast as he could, the men still following and screaming his name.

He ran and ran, around the next corner, hoping to lose them, but they were still there. After the next alley, the one after that, they just kept coming closer.

Izaya could hear his own heartbeat in his ears and felt incredibly hot. He knew he was at his limit as he dashed around the next corner- and stopped instantly.

His eyes widened as his sight fell on another person, looking just as surprised at the raven.

"Izaya?!" Shizuo asked staggered, looking surprised at a panting flea.

Shizuo.

The raven couldn´t believe it.

Shizuo was standing right in front of him.

Izaya wanted to reply something, however, the sudden stop of his exhausting run and the newfound ablity to inhale deeply caused black spots to invade his vision making him feel light-headed. Quickly, he reached forward, closed his eyes tightly and held onto the pavement's railing to keep himself from falling.

Of course this didn´t go unnoticed by the debt collector. Worried, he grabbed Izaya´s arm.

"Oi, Izaya what´s wron-"

"Orihara! You bastard!" The five men were still there and now caught up with the two of them. Izaya flinched slightly at the sudden yell.

It didn´t take more for Shizuo to get that those grunts were probably the reason for Izaya´s state.

He approached the men with well-known anger rising in him.

"Oi, you assholes, what did you do to Izaya?!" he asked, making them twitch. But they didn´t even get to answer the question when Shizuo punched one of them in the face, sending him flying to the other end of the street. That was enough for the other guys. Immediately they turned on their heels and ran for their lives.

Shizuo didn´t care to chase them down. He turned back to the exhausted flea still leaning on the railing. Izaya was more important now.

"Oi, you okay?" he asked, approaching the raven. Izaya nodded.

"Of course." he panted, still out of breath after all the running he did. Shizuo frowned.

"You don´t look okay to me at all." He countered, stating the obvious. Izaya, however, just looked away.

"Shut up, it´s not your business." He replied still trying to catch his breath, causing Shizuo to get a bit angry.

"It is. If it concernes you." He clarified in a tone that made it clear he didn´t want to hear anything opposite to that from the flea.

Izaya sighed.

Why? Why is he so concerned with me? Why the heck does he care?

He glanced at the blond, his vest and shirt were opened a little so Izaya could catch a glimpse of Shizuo´s bandages.

He frowned. That was his fault…

"Izaya? " Shizuo didn´t miss the frown that had appeared on Izaya´s face.

"You…just to make it clear, I don´t want you to interfere with my business anymore!" Izaya declared and let go of the railing, now confident to be able to stand up straight again.

"Huh?"

Izaya rolled his eyes.

"Okay, here for dumb protozoans: Leave. Me. Alone." Izaya glared at the former bartender and motioned to leave.

Disheartened, Shizuo looked at the flea. He was still mad. Clearly. He turned around to look into the direction these guys fled.

…

Okay, he knew he had planned on letting go of the flea once he told him his answer… which was pretty clear by now… but still…! He was hurt and those five guys… what if he hadn´t come along? Izaya wasn´t the type of person who couldn´t defend himself, but still what if the rumor got around that Izaya was weaker now? Wouldn´t more people come after him? What if something happened then?!

"Tch…!" He confronted him again.

"What..?!" Surprised, Izaya stopped in his tracks.

"Sorry, but I won´t leave you alone, if you like it or not." Shizuo declared, staring at the flea intensively.

"Huh..?" Izaya frowned at the sudden statement.

"How do you think you will defend yourself against your enemies?" Shizuo asked. But Izaya just shrugged.

"I will manage."

Shizuo gritted his teeth.

"Like just now?!" he asked. Izaya paused for a second there. He wasn´t too sure about that, but still, admitting that was out of the question.

"Yeah, I would have managed somehow." he answered, causing the blond to snap.

"Like hell! Okay, maybe now, but what if it were more than five?! They would have gotten you for sure! Don´t try to act badass, if you are not!-" Without warning Shizuo leapt forward and grabbed the flea, making him emit a shrieking sound as he threw him over his shoulder.

"What are you doing?!" Izaya asked furious, struggling to get out of his tight grasp.

"Getting you home." Shizuo growled. Much to Izaya´s displease.

"Huh?! You-"

"Stop complaining!" Shizuo interrupted him angrily. "I now reclaim my job as your bodyguard!" he announced, while walking on.

"What?!" Izaya tried to get up to at least look at the blond´s face, but his current position made it impossible to do so. He struggled, trying to escape.

"Stop it! Let me down!" But Shizuo had no intention to do so at all.

"No!"

"You…!" Izaya sighed as he realized that he would only hurt himself if he kept struggling to escape the blond's grip. He crossed his arms behind Shizuo´s back and rested his head on them.

Surprised at the sudden stop in motion, Shizuo paused.

"What?" he asked, tilting his head backwards, only to catch a glimpse of a displeased frown on Izaya´s face.

"….." Izaya, however, didn´t feel like replying at all.

"Giving up so fast?" Shizuo asked surprised.

"It´s not like I could defy you much anyway." Izaya admitted annoyed.

…

"…that´s true."

A small sigh escaped Shizuo´s lips as he continued walking. Somehow, that wasn´t what he planned on doing at all. Now the flea didn´t only hate him... but was annoyed as well. Great…

He took another glance at the flea, the frown was still there.

"How is your wound?" he asked wanting to break the silence.

"It´s no big deal." Izaya immediately replied, causing Shizuo to snort in disbelieve.

"Yeah sure, I saw that clearly before." He replied sarcasticly.

"…Nevermind, I will take it easy now… then it should be gone in about one week I guess." Izaya said.

What good would it do to him if he lied to Shizuo? He would find out the truth anyway if he really intended to stick around again.

"Is that so…Well then, I will play your bodyguard till then, got that?" Shizuo clarified.

A small sigh escaped Izaya´s lips. Yup, so he really was going to go through with that…

"Don´t give me that sigh, just let me protect you at least…" Shizuo tried.

…

Protect me… you say…?

Unwillingly Izaya remembered Shizuo´s words on the ship.

"I won´t let you get hurt."

…

Well, it wouldn´t do him any harm letting Shizuo be his bodyguard again… right? After all he was doing a pretty good job at it… And this habit of his to carry him around wasn´t… that bad… actually… not that it mattered… just-

"No resistance...?" Shizuo suddenly asked, snapping Izaya out of his irritating thoughts. He glanced at the blond shortly before finally giving in.

"...Do what you want." Maybe if the blond was that close to him he could finally figure out why he was worried, why he felt relieved, guilty, happy, why he actually didn´t want Shizuo to die…

"Ne… what´s your answer…?" Shizuo suddenly asked catching Izaya by surprise.

"Huh…? What are you talking ab-"

"Do you hate me?" Surprised, Izaya loked at the blond.

"Eh..?" Not the most intelligent answer he could have given. Shizuo stopped in his tracks.

"… I´m asking you what I am to you."

What he…

Izaya stared at the blond, completely dumbfonded, the question lingering in his head.

What was Shizuo to him actually?

His enemy?

Not quite, he would be the first enemy that he would have not wanted to die.

His rival?

No, then he wouldn´t have been… sad... for his betrayal.

So just what…?

Shizuo already regreted asking the question. After all he knew the answer anyway. Izaya hated him, he had hated him for so long, and that wasn´t going to change... He was so stupid for still hoping something could have changed…

Why did he keep torturing himself…?

"I…." Izaya paused. Shizuo prepared himself for his next words.

…

"I… I don´t hate you…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oohhh, what a statement~ :3 I hope you liked this chapter~ -^.^- And again, sorry for the long wait, now chapters are going to be updated weekly again~


	14. Hidden tears

-Somewhere in Ikebukuro. Both´s point of view-

"I don´t hate you…"

Speechless.

That was the only thing Shizuo was after hearing the flea´s words.

…

What…?

What did he just say? He doesn´t hate me?

He couldn´t believe it. He stopped dead at these unexpected words. He tilted his head, trying to catch a glimpse of the flea´s face. Was the raven just making fun of him now?

Because no matter how he looked at it, it was sheer impossible for the flea to not hate him.

He had hated him since the first moment they met. There was no way the flea could have just stopped hating him.

Yet, Izaya was looking away, denying Shizuo the opportunity to catch even a glimpse of his expression.

"Izaya-" he tried, but was immediately interrupted by the informant.

"Just shut up, I don´t know what… you are… to me…" Izaya quickly replied, his voice fading out at the end.

What?

Shizuo didn´t get what the flea was trying to say, he declared his love to him on the ship. Hell, he even kissed him there! And now he said he didn´t know? How could he say he didn´t hate him, when he should be disgusted with him!

What the hell was the flea saying?

"Izaya.. about what happened on the ship- " he started, trying to get to the point but was interrupted by Izaya yet again.

"Nothing happened on the ship…" the flea replied quickly before Shizuo could even finish his question.

God damnit, couldn´t that damn protozoan just get already that he didn´t know what to answer?! Izaya knew Shizuo wasn´t the most intelligent human being on earth, but he wasn´t dumb, he should be able to at least get that much!

To Izaya´s dissapointment, however, Shizuo only pushed further.

"Huh?! What are you talking about? You know I k-"

"Nothing. Changed." Izaya repeated with a firm voice.

He couldn´t give Shizuo the answer he would like to hear, but he also couldn´t quite bring himself to deny that he felt… well, felt something when he was around.

He knew he didn´t hate the blond, he didn´t want him to die, he felt guilty for Shizuo getting hurt because of him, he actually felt… happy… Izaya wasn´t dumb, as much as he would have liked to deny it, he did feel something for the blond, but he didn´t know exactly what.

He wasn´t ready yet to really answer Shizuo´s question.

Sighing, he realized he would have to make his point a bit more distinct.

"Listen. You are awfully nice to me for some reason and I don´t have a clue why. Nothing happened on the ship… except that you saved me and I am grateful for that." Izaya emphasised, trying to get the blond to understand.

How should he give the blond an answer, when he didn´t know himself what he was feeling at all?

"Izaya..." Shizuo got it somehow. The flea wanted to simply ignore what happened on the ship. Regarding his confession and probably the kiss.

Shizuo tilted his head upwards, facing the night sky.

Actually, now that he thought about it… that wasn´t too bad.

The flea could have done everything, from running away, to avoiding or trying to kill him. Instead he chose this – resuming to the way they were before.

Shizuo smiled, remembering how nice it had been to spend time together with the flea like that. Izaya´s voice brought him back to the present.

"Do you get it now or do I need to spell it out for you…? Since you´re so stupid sometimes." He mumbled silently.

"Hah? Who is stupid?" he asked chuckling a bit. Of course he got it... or he hoped he did understand this the right way.

With anxiety getting the better of him, he dropped Izaya down. He wanted to see his expression, if only to confirm that he wasn´t interpreting things wrong.

"Oi, why did you drop me now?" the flea protested at the sudden motion, since he almost fell down, but shut up immediately when he saw the look Shizuo gave him.

"What?" he asked, obviously feeling uncomfortable by the way Shizuo stared at him. Izaya looked at the former bartender with a daze, when suddenly a smile appeared on his lips.

"Got it…" Shizuo chuckled and took out one of his cigarettes. Now Izaya was confused. He looked at the blond. Why was he happy when he just told him, more or less, that he wanted to ignore the fact that he loved him?

He gulped. Maybe he misunderstood?

"So… we are friends?" Shizuo suddenly asked, smirking. Izaya´s jaw almost dropped at the question.

Well, okay, he was lucky, the brute seemed to get at least that Izaya wanted to avoid what happened on the ship, but to go as far as to call them friends.. that was a bit exaggerated maybe.

"Friends? No, we are enemies! Rivals at most!" he tried to protest, but Shizuo just continued smiling.

"Okay got it, friends it is." He chuckled and blew the smoke of his cigarette into the air.

"You-!" Izaya sighed. Oh well… it didn´t matter anyway, that brute was too stubborn for his own good anyway.

Friends, he says. Somehow he couldn´t help but feel a smile tug at the corner of his lips as well. Shizuo Heiwajima being his friend – honestly if someone told him that two weeks ago he would have suggested for them to get their brain checked… but now…

Friends.

-I am your friend Izaya-kun~-

His smile dropped instantly. He gripped his trademark jacket, shivering slightly as a certain memory popped up in his mind.

A friend.

He gulped. Well, he has certainly had one friend before.

Calm down… that happened long ago… He tried to soothe himself.

He glanced at Shizuo anxiously. At least the blond didn´t seem to have noticed the change in his behaviour, he was still busy smiling to himself.

The sudden ringing of his phone startled Izaya. He frowned and looked at the device.

Him again.

Reluctantly he picked up.

"Oh my, what gives me the honor for you to call me~?" he asked in his typical teasing tone.

Noticing the flea was talking on his phone, Shizuo turned to look at the raven. Izaya, however, seemed to prefer keeping his calls secret and gave him a sign to stay put as he walked away a few meters.

Shizuo frowned. He could already guess that his call had something to do with the flea´s "business"- and he didn´t like that at all. The Izaya´s work always meant trouble.

He tried to listen in to the flea´s conversation, but only caught bits of it – which didn´t make sense for him obviously.

That damn flea never got directly to the point when speaking to his clients. At least that was the only reason Shizuo came up with for the flea was always taking so damn fucking long on his meetings in the alleys when he followed him around.

And obviously with only these scraps of words he couldn´t figure out what the raven was talking about at all.

Well, at any rate that was the case until the flea decided to get louder. Way louder.

"We have a deal! The two of them won´t be involved, tell him that!" he almost yelled at the person he was talking to and hung up.

Shizuo watched the informant with surprise. He had never seen Izaya angry at someone. Not even at him. Sure, he may have hissed a few angry comments at the debt collector at times when he managed to actually hit the flea, but never before had he seen him that angry.

Not even when he was shot, and Izaya told him to stay here until he was healed, he looked that pissed off.

Curiosity got the better of him and he approached the raven again.

"Oi Izaya, what was that about?" he asked. However, instead of an answer a glare was shot at him.

"Work." That was the only word the informant hissed at the blond before returning to look at his phone, only to call yet another number.

One hand in his pocket, the other at his phone, he started walking again. While he was waiting for his call to go through he glanced at the bartender who still stood there, watching the informant stupified.

"You coming or what?" Izaya suddenly asked and tilted his head directing down the street.

Realizing Izaya actually intended to go home, Shizuo followed.

"Sure." He replied hastily, but the informant didn´t answer anything back, instead his counterpart seemed to have picked up as he started talking with him instead.

This time the flea didn´t need to go away – he was talking in some foreign language the blond didn´t know anyway. But still, by the way the flea´s voice seemed to get louder and angrier things sure didn´t seem to go his way.

Shizuo decided to just smoke another one of his cigarettes while listening to the flea´s weird rambling. Honestly, he would prefer it if Izaya just dropped that damn job of his. He didn´t need to be a genius to know that the flea´s work was dangerous.

It didn´t take them long until they arrived at their home. Just before they entered, Izaya finally finished his seemingly endless long conversations on the phone and actually chuckled.

Shizuo rose his eyebrow with amusement.

" Whoa, what happened that changed your mood so fast?" he asked curiously while Izaya continued to smile.

"Well, let´s just say things are developing in my favour." He responed and unlocked the door to their apartment.

Both their smiles instantly dropped when they looked inside. But no, not because of the word TRAITOR still written over the wall, but because of something else.

"There is no bed for me." Shizuo stated the obvious and a moment of silence and awkwardness hung in the air.

"Your problem, I didn´t tell you to stay here…" Izaya mumbled and entered the apartment.

"Well, we could–" Izaya almost choked on the air already guessing what the blond wanted to suggest.

"Oh no, you won't sleep with me in one bed! Who knows what you plan on doing!" he shot almost embarassed by his own words considering they had already slept in there together.

He couldn´t keep his face from heating up a bit on that thought.

"W-what you damn flea! I don't plan on doing anything!" Shizuo immediately fired back, but he also felt the heat rush to his face at the thought.

"You sure? I don´t really know if I can believe that after what you did on the ship." Izaya reminded the debt collector.

"Oi, I thought you didn´t know anything that happened on the ship...?" Shizuo tried to throw the flea out of concept, but didn´t succeed.

A teasing smirk appeard on the flea´s slightly flushed face.

"Oh, indeed I don´t know what you are talking about at all, care to enlighten me Shizu-chan~?" the flea vocalized with a taunting tone.

Well, that certainly would catch the brute off guard.

"H-huh?! You-!" That damn flea and his evasive answers!

"Yeah, what is it Shizu-chan~?" Izaya smirked self-conciously.

Who did Shizuo think he was talking with? Izaya could have a tounge of silver when it came down to argue.

"Tch, damn flea. Fine, you get the bed for yourself!" and with that he rushed out of the door, leaving a pretty dumfoudned informant behind.

He did expect the blond to leave him the bed, but where was he going now?

"Eh? Shizu-chan where are you going?" He asked, but got no response as the debt collector left the apartment. Izaya was left wondering but shrugged it off, knowing the blond would come back soon and then he would find out either way.

He took the chance and changed his clothes before hopping onto the bed and making himself comfortable with his laptop.

Now that Ryosuke was dead he could finally do his work again.

He hadn´t been typing away on his laptop for too long though, when he suddenly heard loud noises in front of the door, followed by a loud bump.

"Shizu-chan~?" Izaya called and got an annoyed growl as a response.

"Open the door flea." Crooking his eyebrows, Izaya put his laptop aside and crawled out of bed.

Why the hell couldn´t Shizuo open the door himself…?

Curiosity got the better of him and he opened the door – regretting it immediately.

"Ouch! God damn Shizu-chan what are you doing?!" he sweared rubbing his temples as something hit his forehead the moment he opened the door.

"Sorry, wasn´t intentionally." The blond apologized.

"Yeah sure, wait, what´s that?" Izaya asked staggered as his sight fell onto just what hit his face. Shizuo had walked into his apartment with a fucking couch in his arms.

"A couch." Shizuo answered simply, leaving the raven dumbfounded, and proceeded to the living room, dropping the couch in front of Izaya´s bed.

"I can see that, thanks. Care to tell me where you got that…?" Izaya countered Shizuo´s dumb reply. But his protozoan didn´t cease to surprise him yet again. He just shrugged and pointed to the right side of the room.

"I just got it from the neighbour, that man is pretty old. I asked him if he had some spare matress he could lend me, but he hadn´t." Shizuo explained.

"…so you borrowed his couch." Izaya finished.

"Yeah, I asked him if I could use it, and he said yes. He was quite surprised though when I just lifted it, but – what? You didn´t expect me to sleep on the chair, did you?" Shizuo asked.

Izaya just gaped at him for a few seconds, but then he couldn´t hold on any longer and burst into laughter.

Honestly, he didn´t even know why he found it that amusing. It was just so typical Shizuo.

"Oi, what´s so funny?" Shizuo asked eyeing the chuckling informant rather annoyed.

"Pfft, that´s just so you Shizu-chan, how the hell can you always be so unpredictable?" Izaya asked still ocupied by his laughter as he sat down on his bed again, arms stretching backwards so he could lean on his elbows.

Shizuo just ignored the flea´s laughing and made himself comfortable on the couch. At least it was a pretty comfortable one.

"Ah, you have no blanket though." Izaya suddenly stated and crawled to the end of his bed. He droped his crossed arms on the backrest and leaned his head on both of them while smirking at the blond underneath.

"Doesn´t matter, you keep it, I don´t want you catching a cold again." Shizuo stated simply.

Izaya's ears perked.

Huh..?

"Again?" Izaya repeated with a questioning expression.

"Ah…Nevermind." Realizing the mistake he had made Shizuo rolled over and tried to escape the question. However, Izaya didn´t leave it at that.

The last time he caught a cold was about two weeks ago. And before that he hadn´t caught one in ages, so how-

Suddenly it dawned on him.

He totally forgot about it – Shizuo had been observing him! How could he just forget that simple fact?! He totally forgot to ask just what he saw during this timespan of two days!

Dumbfounded by his own stupidity he poked the blond.

"Oi, don´t you dare go to sleep, I have some questions! When exactly were you observing me Shizu-chan?" he asked, and the blond turned over again.

"When… Well… one day before you got sick." He answered sighing.

Izaya exhaled with relief.

Okay, one day before, so he probably just heard unimportant discussions. Oh well, that would explain at least why Shizuo was there when that stupid dog startled him … but aside from that he shouldn´t have seen anything-

Wait.

Suddenly his eyes widened as he remembered something else. However, he shook his head dismissingly instantly.

No, that can´t be- That wasn´t him…

Wait, but who then…?

Was it really…?

Instead of struggling with his thoughts Izaya decided to just get to the point.

"Shizu-chan, where you following me around outside the day I became sick…?" he asked the blond.

"Yeah… why do you ask…?" Izaya looked at the blond.

Knowing either, it being him or not being him, was quite embarassing. But still, he was too curious to not ask.

"Um, Shizu-chan you didn´t by any chance, you know… throw an umbrella at my head?"

He couldn´t evade the feeling of heat rushing to his face when he noticed Shizuo's flustered expression.

"Well... it was raining…" that was the only response Izaya managed to catch from the blond´s murmur.

Well… one mystery solved.

Suddenly just another as embarassing thought crossed his mind. Shizuo was there the whole time. What else did he do he didn´t know…?

"Say, when I was sick, you didn´t do anything… did you?" he asked the former bartender curiously.

Well, honestly he didn´t expect it, but it couldn´t hurt to ask. Shizuo would just yell a no at most. However, he was totally surprised when the blond actually stayed silent.

He stayed fucking silent!

"You did something!" Izaya eyed the blond suspiciously.

"Hah? No, why would I?!"

Oh, now he even avoids my eyes, damn he sure is a bad liar.

"Shizu-can, I can tell when you lie, I demand from you now that you tell me what you did." Izaya warned, but Shizuo still denied him an answer.

"No!"

Tch, okay, then he woud have to strike with other tricks.

You didn´t do something perverted I hope?" Shizuo nearly nearly choked on the air at his question.

"Huh-?!" Izaya knew with a few ambiguous insinuations he could stupefy the blond easily. And, oh, how he loved to tease him like that!

"Well I wouldn´t know, who knows what you did while I was sleeping for example - I didn´t know you were that dirty~" he teased further.

"What?! No! I would never-!" Oh god, he swore no accusation of the flea had ever made him that embarassed!

"Well, if you don´t say anything I have to assume the worst~" Izaya smirked.

Argh, that damn flea! He was totally playing with him!

"God damnit flea, I didn´t do anything like that!" Izaya chuckled. Of course, Shizuo wasn´t that kind of man, but it sure was hella fun to tease him like that.

"Then do tell, what exactly did you do?" With a defeated grunt Shizuo gave up.

"Okay, fine! I will tell you. You were quite sick, and then you went to the couch and actually worked again, remember? Which reminds me, who in their right mind would work if they are sick? Are you a masochist?!"

Izaya almost had to laugh at the blond more or less offering him his next mock on a silver plate.

"Ara, I wonder why Shizu-chan would want to know that~" he smirked at the blond, enjoying the reaction he gave.

"Iza- stop implying things I never said!"

Izaya chuckled. Okay, enough teasing, now he wanted to get to the point. After all, he really was curious what Shizuo did he couldn´t tell. Maybe he found Celty´s head? Or something else? He was highly intrigued.

"Yeah, yeah forget it, now move on, what did you do?"

"I might have gone down into your apartment when you were out of it…" Izaya blinked surprised. Wait, when he was out of it?

What the fuck, did he do something to him?!

"Then I might have checked your temperature…"

Eh…?

"and… yeah well… fuck it, you were sick okay?" Shizuo scratched his head nervously. "And that couch didn´t seem like the perfect place to sleep when you´re sick and all. So I might… have carried you … to your bed." Waiting for a reply, Shizuo looked back at the raven. But Izaya already got down from the backrest.

Slowly, Shizuo sat up and looked over the edge to Izaya - who already laid in bed face turned to the wall.

"Um Izaya…?" he tried but only got a hiss from the informant.

"…Shut up and go to sleep stupid protozoan…"

"Oi, I am not st-"

"I said good night!"

"Tch-" and with that Shizuo laid down again.

Damnit, he shouldn´t have said that, he totally hurt his pride now… Well, his fault for asking. Or better, his fault for pushing himself so far so he had to be taken care of!

Well... he could have kept the part about carrying him to bed a secret though.

"Good night flea." Shizuo mumbled and rolled over again.

Izaya, on the other hand, had quite a lot to think of now.

He did that?!

He didn´t get it, since when did he love him so much?

I always tried to kill him, and yet… he goes and declares his love for me, and k-

…

He blushed at the memory.

God damnit why is that protozoan always so... so.. No, not even unpredictable. He is the pure defininition of unpredictability!

Today as well. When he said we are friends.

…

I mean, okay I get it, we are kinda… friends…?

But for him to just state that…!

That´s just, I mean, I do like him a lot, but not… that way.

He facepalmed as he realized what he thought right now.

So now I even go as far as to think that I "like him a lot"…?

He sighed as he remembered their day outside, when he teased Shizuo with the kitten… and at Simon´s – he remembered the way Shizuo got angry at those punks that pushed him.

But most importantly - he remembered that moment when he thought Shizuo betrayed him and he actually cried.

…

… it´s not… that way… right…?

Besides… even if I did love him… which I don´t… I think… this love of his wouldn´t last long anyway. We have been sworn enemies for so long. He will definitely begin to hate me again… even if we are friends now.

-Izaya-kun, my dear friend~ Do you want to play~?-

The raven shivered at the memory and hugged his knees.

Naa... Shizuo would never do that, he is different...

…he is not Hono.

He shook his head.

Forget it! that happened a long time ago.

Shizuo would never do that.

Never.

-In the middle of the night. Shizuo´s point of view.-

Shizuo opened his eyes. It was dark.

Yawning, he looked around, his glance falling at a clock beside the couch. A single ray of the moonlight illuminated it just enough for Shizuo to see the dial.

It was only 3 am. Why the hell was he awake? Annoyed, he scratched his head and laid back on his couch.

"Shizuo…" A voice resounded in the darkness.

Oh great, Izaya is awake too?

"What is it?" he asked the informant drowsily, almost nodding off again as he closed his eyes.

"Stop it."

"Huh? What are you talking about?" he yawned again.

"Don´t –!"Shizuo cracked an eye open, confused. Huh? Don´t? What was he rambling about…?

"Help me-!"

Wait, something was odd. He sat up on his couch and glanced at the informant. He was still in his bed.

"Izaya? Oi what are you-"

"Shizuo...!" he suddenly called, almost sounding as if he-

Wait a second, Shizuo?

Now he was wide awake. Instantly he got out of bed and turned on the little lamp on Izaya´s nightstand only to see Izaya trashing in his sleep. His expression was defined by a deep frown - fear was carved on his face. His arms were flailing around aimlessly and his breath was coming with short gasps.

Immediately Shizuo grabbed Izaya´s wrists and held them down.

"Oi, Izaya, wake up. You´re having a nightmare." He tried and shook him by his shoulder. A bad idea. The moment he did so Izaya practically freaked out.

"No! Not again! Leave me alone!" he cried and tried to break out of Shizuo´s grip.

"Izaya, it´s me, wake up!" Shizuo called and let go of Izaya´s wrists to get a hold of both his shoulders - only resulting in more screams.

"NO! STOP! Don´t hurt me!" he struggled, and tried to get out of Shizuo´s hold, eyes still shut tightly.

"Izaya!" Shizuo was now hovering over the flea screaming his name but to no avail.

"NO LET GO!" the flea yelled.

"IZAYA!" Shizuo yelled back as loud as he could. And it worked.

Suddenly the raven's eyes cracked open and he shot up - meeting Shizuo´s head in the process. Black spots invaded Shizuo´s vision for a moment as he rubbed his temples.

"Itte… Damnit Izaya, that hurt!" he said.

"Sh-Shizuo?" Izaya asked, sounding quite confused. Shizuo growled.

"Damn straight. You had a nightmare, what were you-" suddenly he stopped. His eyes widened as he took a look at Izaya.

Tears were trickling down his face. Tremors were shaking his body and his eyes were wide from terror.

"O-oi Izaya?" he asked with concern. The raven was sweating and panting heavily. He seemed to scan his surroundings almost frantically. When his eyes fell on Shizuo, he quickly rubbed his eyes with his sleeves.

"Ah, sorry, it´s nothing." Shizuo frowned at that comment.

Nothing?!

The flea was shivering like leaf and- god damnit he was crying!

"Izaya what´s wrong?" he asked, trying to push Izaya´s hands away - he was still covering his face with them.

"Nothing, just ignore me, go to sleep." He mumbled, but from the way his voice sounded Shizuo didn´t need to be a genius to realize that something was very wrong. His voice was shaking and didn´t sound like he had stopped crying at all.

"Oi, I definitely won´t ignore you when you are still cryin-"

"Shut up!" he was interrupted by the flea´s cry.

"Izaya..."

"Go away, I don´t need you! Why can´t you just leave?!" Even his hands were shaking as he spoke.

Wet stains were already beginning to form at the raven´s sleeves. Izaya tried to push him away head tilting down so Shizuo couldn´t see his face under his bangs - but to no avail. Shizuo saw the tears dripping despite the flea trying to hide them.

"You damn protozoan, I don´t need you, go away! Just-" the flea´s words were muffled when strong arms wrapped around his body.

"Shizu-"

"Shhh... it´s alright flea. It was just a dream. It´s over now." Shizuo tried to soothe the raven. He was shivering like a leaf and was cold as ice. He rubbed Izaya´s arms trying to get rid of the tension and the cold.

"Let go..! I don´t need you." Izaya complained, but Shizuo didn´t miss the way Izaya´s hands had clung to his shirt the moment he embraced him - as well as he noticed the wet stain that he felt slowly forming on his shoulder.

"Says the one who doesn´t struggle." He countered.

"Wha-" Shizuo felt the flea let go, but that wouldn´t do - he hugged him tighter.

"Just calm down." He whispered while stroking Izaya´s back in a comforting way.

He had no idea what was wrong with the flea, after all this wasn´t the first time Izaya had screamed in his sleep.

No word was said as Shizuo continued to hug Izaya while he silently cried in his shoulder.

Damnit.

What the hell was so terrifying it made Izaya cry?

Slowly Izaya´s sobs died down, as well as the shaking.

"Still scared?" Shizuo asked, pulling away from the flea a bit. He was frowning, tears still lingering in his eyes.

"You´re just making fun of me aren´t you? Must be hillarious to see me like this…" he smiled bitterly.

"I am not." Shizuo assured and trapped him in his arms yet again.

"Liar. You probably plan on teasing me with this… let go already." Izaya tried to struggle.

"I won´t. Not until you calm down." Shizuo replied calmly. Izaya ceased his fighting.

"Tch… damn protozoan..." he mumbled and went silent.

Shizuo just held the informant like that for a little while longer. He felt him relax bit by bit. He stroked his dark hair in a soothing manner.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked Izaya. A hasty shaking of his head was the only answer Shizuo got though.

"Oi, it´s alright. It´s just a dream ne?" he tried again, feeling the flea shiver. He still felt cold. A surprised yelp escaped the flea´s lips as Shizuo suddenly grabbed him around his waist and pulled him down to bed.

One hand sneaked up securely around Izaya´s back, while he used the other to first pull the blanket over them and afterwards to lean his head on. Izaya gawked at the blond, surprised.

"Shizu-chan…"

"Just sleep now flea, it's alright okay?" Shizuo whispered and held the flea close.

"I am here. I won´t let anything happen to you." He murmured soothingly as he nuzzled into his hair.

"Everything´s alright." He felt Izaya nod lightly as he snuggled into his chest.

He didn´t know how long they laid like this, but sometime they both fell asleep again.

-Next morning. Both´s point of view.-

It was bright.

Annoyed by the light, Izaya blinked.

A short glance at the clock told him that it was already late morning, but well, as much as he hated waking up late, he certainly had different things to think about now.

He looked at Shizuo. They were still lying in bed together. Shizuo´s grip on the flea hadn´t faltered one bit and his arms were wrapped around Izaya just the way they were last night.

Izaya blushed. For more reason than one. Firstly, it was Shizuo – I love You Shizuo – that was hugging him, and secondly… he cried.

Last night he woke up from yet another terrifying dream - and cried.

In front of Shizuo.

God, he must have looked so damn vulnerable… and pitiful.

He glanced at the blond yet again. Still, the way Shizuo calmed him… that felt really nice.

He was used to waking up alone, terrified and probably not getting even a wink of sleep for the rest of the night when he woke up from a nightmare… but tonight he had actually fallen asleep again and didn´t even have a second nightmare.

Suddenly the blond moved in his sleep with a growl, actually letting go of the flea a bit.

He took the chance and wriggled out of his grip - of course not without waking the blond.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, back facing Shizuo - he couldn´t look him in the eye right now, but he sure as hell felt the blond stare at him.

He brushed through his hair, being a little tense.

"Do you intend to keep staring at me like that…?" he asked, glancing shortly at Shizuo. He was leaning on his arm again.

"Does it bug you?" he asked smirking. Izaya turned around again.

"Don´t get cocky now!" Izaya fired, annoyed.

"Says the one who cried last night." Shizuo noticed the way Izaya tensed at the memory.

Really now... did Izaya think he would just pretend nothing happened?

"Just forget it..." Izaya suddenly mumbled. "That was just-" but he didn´t get to finish his sentence as suddenly a pair of arms wrapped tightly around his body from behind.

"Oi, what are you doing?! Get off!" Izaya flailed and tried to get out of Shizuo´s hug.

"Nee, Izaya." Shizuo began in a calm tone, making Izaya stop. "It´s okay you know. You don´t have to act that tough." Shizuo said, but it only annoyed Izaya more.

"Hah?! Don´t you go talking shit, I don´t act!" he defended himself.

But Shizuo knew better, and he knew what to say to get the flea to take him serious.

"What did you dream about?"

That question was enough.

Izaya started shivering almost instantly at the memory and Shizuo didn´t miss the way Izaya tensed up at the question.

For a moment they just sat there in silence.

"I thought you weren´t acting. So tell me, it shouldn´t be a problem now right?" he asked again, knowing full well that the raven wouldn´t.

"Tch-" Izaya gritted his teeth, annoyed. How did that brute always manage to mess up his pace?

"See…" Shizuo pulled him into a tighter hug.

"You might not believe it, but I know you Izaya. I know when you just pretend to be okay and when not." He nuzzled into his hair again.

"I don´t need your help though." Izaya replied.

"I know. Still, just keep it in mind, okay?" Izaya sighed, but nodded.

"…kay." Shizuo smiled.

That was enough.

He noticed the way Izaya looked and figured that he was still thinking about whatever he had dreamed of.

He didn´t want him to think of that.

He brushed trhough his hair, making Izaya hiss with annoyance.

"Oi, stop that!" he spat.

"Thank you for the free hug by the way." Shizuo added grinning, earning yet another glare from the raven.

"You-!" Izaya shoved him away in a playful manner. Shizuo, however, just laughed at the flea´s flustered face and even though Izaya was still kinda annoyed, he coudn´t stop a chuckle escape his lips as well.

"Thanks." He mumbled. But Shizuo just smiled and got out of bed. He fished the pills Shinra gave him yesterday out of his jeans pocket.

As far as he remembered, Shinra said, they were for the lung or something, he didn´t pay that much attention.

Quickly he gulped two of them down, just as Shinra ordered.

Izaya watched him curiously.

"Oi, what are those?" he asked pointing at the rest of the pills.

"From Shinra, don´t know what exactly they do, he just told me to take them."

Izaya glanced at Shizuo´s chest, catching a glimpse of his bandages.

Oh yeah, he almost forgot, that was his fault.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked the blond, but Shizuo just laughed at the question. Izaya frowned.

"I don´t think I made a joke just now." he replied annoyed. There he was, actually worrying, and what did the blond do? Laugh!

"Ah sorry, it´s just, Izaya that never really hurt." He pointed at his wound. Izaya looked at him dumbfounded.

"Huh? It didn´t hurt? Don´t shit me, you were shot in the lung!"

"Well, yeah, but you know I don´t really feel pain that much anymore, I got so used to it by breaking my bones in middle school I kinda have a higher pain tolerance now."

"Whoa, the protozoan learned a difficult word~" Izaya joked, not really considering what the blond said and honestly he couldn´t believe it, but if Shizuo said so…

"… it really didn´t hurt…?" he asked again.

"Well, it stung, that was all. I just had trouble breathing." He explained.

Oh, yeah, Izaya remembered that and it was definitely not amusing for him to watch Shizuo struggling to breathe.

"You really are quite something Shizu-chan." Izaya announced and got dressed.

"Damn right." Shizuo smiled, and brushed through his hair again.

"Damn, it´s really hot today." He suddenly said, making Izaya look at him with surprise.

"Huh? Hot? It´s cold! Are you in heat or something?" he joked while pulling on a sweater with a hoody just as if to emphasize his words.

No it´s hot.

Damn hot.

Shizuo drew out his shirts collar a bit, trying to cool himself down.

Really, he had already noticed the flea was always freezing, but even when it was that hot?

"Shizu-chan?" Suddenly Shizuo jerked his head upwards, Izaya was towering over him since he sat on the edge of the bed again.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Oi, are you okay?" he suddenly asked. Shizuo blinked, surprised.

"Of course, why do you ask?"

"Well, I was calling you earlier and you didn´t respond, and now I looked at the thermometer and - Shizuo are you sure you´re okay? You are sweating."

"Well, it´s hot, I told you already." He brushed through his hair yet again, accidentally brushing Izaya´s arm in the process.

The ravens eyes widened.

"Oi Shizuo-" he moved up his hand and placed it on Shizuo´s forehead. "You have a fever!" Izaya suddenly stated, his eyes widening.

Shizuo just shrugged.

"No way, I have never had a fever, I just feel hot." He stated and stood up again.

"Well, that´s what a fever does - making you feel hot." Izaya explained and tugged at his arm. Shizuo turned around again to reply something, when suddenly the room began to spin.

Unable to keep his balance Shizuo ungracefully sat down on the bed again.

"Oi, Shizuo?" Izaya didn´t miss the way Shizuo practically fell back on bed.

Sluggishly Shiruo rubbed his temples, now he was even getting a headache.

"I am sleeping this off." He announced.

"Huh?! Oi you protozoan, you can´t just sleep off a fever! Did, you hear me?" Izaya said, but the blond didn´t really pay attention to it at all, instead he just laid down and closed his eyes.

He was just hot and had a headache. He wanted to sleep.

Izaya frowned at the brute´s behaviour and put his hand on his forehead again.

The frown became even deeper.

He has a pretty high fever.

"Oi, that´s pretty high." He announced intending to let the blond know, but Shizuo didn´t answer.

Izaya shook the blond worriedly, but Shizuo didn´t budge.

"Shizuo?" he tried, but still no answer.

You´re kidding me right?!

He shook him again.

"Oi Shizuo!"

Nothing.

"Shizuo!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe, now what are you gonna do Izaya? XD I hope you liked this chapter~ -^.^- Oh and for those, that fear now that they will stay "friends" forever or at least for a great deal of chapters- don´t worry. Izaya will come to accept his feelings sooner than you may think~ ;D


	15. Fever

-their apartment. both´s point of view-

"Huh?!"

Izaya looked at the fevering blond stupefied. He still wasn't moving, his cheeks were slightly flushed and after Izaya had taken his temperature he decided that the blond was seriously sick.

39,5° wasn't exactly what Izaya called a slight fever.

So he called Shinra, after the blond decided to just pass out on him on the bed.

"Yeah it's a common side effect of the pills." the doctor repeated.

A relieved sigh escaped his lips. So it were just some stupid side effects. He glanced at the passed-out blond. He was still lying on the bed, sweating and obviously suffering at least a bit from the fever.

"So what should I do to get it down?" he asked the bespectacled with concern. After all, the fever was still rising, and even though it was just a side effect of the pills Shizuo took, a fever was a fever - rising over 42° it could get pretty dangerous, even for Shizuo.

A moment of silence followed the question which made Izaya look at his phone to check if he was still connected.

"Shinra?"A short cough, indicating that Shinra cleared his throat resounded before he spoke up again.

"You want to know how to get it down...?" the doctor repeated Izaya´s question.

"Of course, why...?" the informant asked, not quite getting what Shinra was pointing at. Yet another clear of throat was heard before the doctor answered.

"Ah, sorry, just umm.. nevermind. To get his temperature down it should suffice to wet some towels and put them on his forehead. Watch to keep them cool, that should already do the trick. However, if the fever rises over 40° drench the towels in vinegar instead and place them on the inside of his upper arms and legs-"

Izaya repeated the instructions quite surprised.

"Drench the towels in vinegar…?" he asked not quite sure if he heard right.

"Ah yes, the acid of the vinegar helps draw the heat out of the skin. It will help cool him down by about two degrees if it really gets bad. It´s a natural fever relief and I would much rather stick to this before prescribing him any medication." Shinra answered.

"I didn´t know vinegar had that kind of effect." Izaya admitted surprised. He would remember that. "Okay, anything else I can do?" He glanced at Shizuo who was still out of it and obviously suffering from the heat.

"Well, not really, that´s pretty much it. Keep him hydrated if possible and it wouldn´t be a bad idea if he ate at least some porridge or so." Izaya nodded even though the doctor couldn't see it.

"Okay."

"…Well… that´s it. I don´t really think so, but if his state gets worse, just call." Shinra added.

"Don't worry, I will take care of him. Bye." And with that Izaya ended the call.

-Shinra´s apartment. Shinra´s point of view.-

"Well that was weird…" the doctor mumbled, more to himself than anone else, but Celty still caught the words. She was sitting on the couch, watching the news while Shinra was still standing quite stupefied in the room. Curious, she typed on her PDA.

(What´s weird?)

She had to wave her PDA a bit so to make Shinra look up from his phone, which he was still staring at quite intensively.

"Ah well, Shizuo has a fever." he answered as he read the question.

(Is he alright?) Celty asked quickly. He assured her.

"Yeah, don´t worry it´s just a side effect of my pills, it occurs often, I don't think it's even necessary for me to drop by." If Celty had a head she would probably give him a questioning look by now.

(So what is it that´s weird then?) she pressed further. Shinra read and and rubbed his neck awkwardly. "…it was Izaya that called." A moment of silence overtook the scene before Celty started typing again.

(Izaya is staying with Shizuo?) Shinra nodded. That had to be it. Well, but that wasn't surprising actually. Shinra kinda figured that Shizuo wouldn't let the raven leave so easily.

"Yeah, that´s not what´s weird though... I mean, it was quite obvious that Shizuo wouldn't let Izaya leave if he found him. What I find so weird is something else." he began, confusing Celty a bit by now.

(What?)

"Well, Izaya seemed… worried and asked me what he could do to get his fever down… and it seems he is taking care of him now." Surprised, Celty began to type yet again.

(Wait, Izaya is taking care of Shizuo?)

"Yeah. I know what you´re thinking… that´s not the Izaya we know. The Izaya we know would laugh at it and probably say things like "the brute would survive it anyway"… But this… I don´t know if he is aware of it, but..."

(...he changed.) Celty finished his sentence. Shinra nodded and looked at his phone once again. He then went on drawing his conclusions thoughtfully.

"I didn´t think it really was possible, I mean I hoped it for Shizuo, but…" Shinra kinda struggled with words here. "Izaya isn´t the kind of person that would do this of his own free will, not even for a good friend, it´s not his style, it´s… how should I put it... well… Now that it´s come down to this it almost looks as if…"

(…Izaya maybe loves him…?) Celty wrote leaving the words unspoken.

…

-Back at the flat. both´s point of view-

With a sigh, Izaya dragged a chair in front of Shizuo's – or better – his bed and sat down. The chair rest faced Shizuo and he placed his arms on it, resting his head on them. Shizuo was still sleeping. Izaya had placed a wet towel on his forhead, just as Shinra told him to.

He looked at the frowning blond and sighed once again. He didn't seem to feel better.

What should he do?

Maybe he should do that vinegar thing already?

No, Shinra said he should only do that if his fever rose above fourty degrees.

Concerned, he reached forward and brushed a bang out of Shizuo face. He was sweating and quite a bit at that. Worried, he got up and got the thermometer again. He took his temperature and sighed. He still had 39,5°, not more, not less.

He turned his chair around and this time dropped down on it the usual way. He leaned on his ellbows as he watched the former bartender's frowning face.

Couldn't he do anything to ease his suffering a bit...? He replaced the towel.

"How come you get a fever anyway, Shizu-chan...? And not even a normal one, no, it's just from the pills." he sighed.

He really wanted to help Shizuo, but what if he used that vinegar trick now and then the fever rose again...? Would it work twice?

Wait. He frowned a bit.

Why am I even getting so worked up over him?

It´s just Shizu-chan, I could care less how the brute feels.

"Tch." he frowned at the debt collector and got up again. That stupid imbecile, he wasn't even awake and somehow managed to mess up his pace completely.

"I hate you for that Shizu-chan..." Izaya mumbled annoyed, but the angry frown that appeared on his face soon disappeared as Shizuo´s expression showed more pain.

Izaya's look grew soft again. A sigh escaped his lips as he approached the blond.

"Really now..." he replaced the already warmed up towel with a new one. The frown on Shizuo's face disapperead again as Izaya dragged the now cool towel along his temples, and a peaceful expression took over.

Izaya sighed for umpteenth time and sat down on Shizuo's bedside as he continued his ministrations.

"Just what are you making me do Shizu-chan?" he mumbled while trying to cool the suffering blond a bit. He remembered the last night. There too...

The blond always made him do things he would have never even imagined…

He had never ever cried in front of someone.

Never.

Not even his parents or sisters had ever seem him cry even if he had a nightmare. Not his enemies when they shot or hurt him otherwise…

He was always able to maintain his mask.

Always.

Except for when it came to Shizuo.

"How do you always manage to make me lose my composture when you're around?" He mumbled as he replaced his towel yet another time and took his temperature. If it went on like this Izaya wasn't sure if he could keep his past from the blond for much longer.

Sure, he stopped asking about it, and Izaya definitely was glad for that. He didn't want to even think about that again, but if Shizuo witnessed more of his nightmares, which was bound to happen, he would either guess it himself or get him to tell what happened.

A shiver ran down his spine at the thought. He shook his head quickly, trying to shake off the memories.

Just don't think about it.

Just don't.

He glanced at Shizuo.

What are you doing with me… Shizu-chan?

After about half an hour later he sighed with relief. He had taken Shizuo's temperature again - this time it was 39,2°.

"Maa, at last it's falling a bit..." he mumbled to himself as he sat down on Shizuo's bed, gently brushing away his bangs. Deep in thoughts he retraced his hand.

What was he even doing…?

A defeated smile appeared on his lips as he continued caressing the blond´s hair. It was really soft.

"I sure am taking good care of just a 'friend'." he mumbled while proceeding to stroke his hair.

Come on…

Just get better already...

A sudden flinch on Shizuo's part made the raven withdraw his hand.

"Ah! Shizuo." Izaya almost jumped off the bed as his eyes began to flutter open. Groaning, he held his head. His sight was quite blurry.

And it was hot.

So damn hot.

Only vaguely he could make out the flea's figure right next to him.

"Izaya...?" He tried. Worried, the raven leaned closer.

"How are you feeling?" He asked the blond, concern in his voice. Shizuo, however, just looked at him stupefied.

"What…?" He turned his head making the wet towel drop down. Izaya picked it up.

"You passed out earlier with a high fever." He explained. Shizuo let himself slump back on the bed.

"I never get sick." He declared, making Izaya roll his eyes.

"Yeah, right, I bet you were at least sick once in your life. It were the pills though." Izaya informed, but Shizuo shook his head, only shortly though since it made the room spin.

"No, never. I never got a cold or the flu or shit like that." Izaya looked at the blond with surprise.

"Never?" he asked.

"Never." Shizuo nodded.

"Woah, so even your immune system isn´t that of a normal human. I have to admit that would be the first thing I would envy you of." Shizuo smiled as he noticed the towel in Izaya´s hands and the bottle of cold water standing on the bedside table next to him.

"Did you do that?" He asked, quite surprised. Izaya chuckled amused.

"No it was the Easter Bunny. Of course that was me, you idiot. Did the fever make you even more stupid~?" He tried to tease.

"No…I just didn´t expect you to do that." He replied, honestly surpised about the raven's doing.

"Oi, I am not that heartless…" Izaya countered, but shut up as Shizuo suddenly got up and tried to get out of bed.

"Hey, what are you doing? You need to lie down." Izaya frowned and grabbed Shizuo's arm.

"I don't need to, I am alright already." Shizuo shrugged and wriggled out of Izaya's grip. He stood up in one go, only to dangerously sway as the room began to spin around him. Izaya was already by his side.

"Shizuo, I said you should lay down." He repeated, but was ignored. Shizuo brought his hand up to his temples and began massaging them. Standing up had given him a headache.

"I don´t need to. I-" he didn't get to finish what he wanted to say, because Izaya definitely wasn't going to take more of Shizuo's nonsense. Instead of trying to talk him into resting, he just forced him. Shizuo, being unstable as he was, was shoved onto the bed.

Quite irritated, he tried to get up again, but Izaya was faster. Before he knew it, the raven was sitting on top of him, straddling his waist with his legs while his shoulders were pressed down by both his hands. And now the flea was shooting him a glare.

"You have over 39° fever, you are going to rest until you have a normal temperature again! Understood?!" He almost yelled at Shizuo.

Shizuo eyed the raven surprised. He was really furious.

But as fast as the sudden anger had taken the better of Izaya it dissipated again, making him realize just in what exact position the two of them were.

He couldn't help the heat rush to his face as he got hastily off the blond again. But he was still angry at Shizuo.

"I will make you something to eat." He announced and headed for the kitchen. Before he disappeared, he glanced around the corner.

"Don´t. You. Dare. Move." He warned and entered the kitchen, leaving a pretty dumbfounded Shizuo behind.

That damn protozoan.

Rather furious, he collected the ingredients for porridge.

There he is, having a high fever, can't even really stand on his own and still thinks he is alright.

Izaya was angry at the blond, he should at least let him take care of him. He looked at all the ingredients he gathered. At least he had everything he needed at home now.

Right after he left Shizuo in Shinra´s care earlier, he went and bought all kinds of stuff to eat. He was so out of it he didn't even realize he still wore his blood stained jacket. But the looks the people on the streets gave him were definitely interesting.

"Okay, porridge oats, milk… wait, where is the pot?" He looked around but didn't find it.

The heck?

He was sure he had about four of them, just where...?

Suddenly his sight fell on the top cupboard in the kitchen.

Come on... He facepalmed.

Right, now he remembered, that guy he hired to carry his stuff here was a giant.

He stretched himself, trying to reach up to it… to no avail. Sighing, he tried climbing on the counter to reach the wished item when suddenly an arm reaching higher than his own grabbed it and put it down.

Surprised and angry, Izaya turned around to look at the debt collector.

"What part about "don´t you dare move" did you not understand?" he asked him crossing his arms. But Shizuo ignored him.

"I said I am fine. What exactly do you plan to cook?" he asked, earning a glare from the flea.

"No, you´re not fine. Porridge if you need to know, and now go back to bed!"

He shoved the blond out of the kitchen.

"You sure? You don´t have to do that." Izaya sighed annoyed. Stubborn sick Shizuo got even more on his nerves than a healthy one.

"What´s that supposed to mean? Come on, I can at least do something like this for a sick friend." He answered.

Eh?

Shizuo was taken aback.

A... friend?

Did Izaya really just say that he was a friend?

He couldn´t help but smile at the still fuming Izaya, he didn´t seem to realize just what he called Shizuo just now.

A smile tugged at his lips as he let himself slump forward to lean on the raven´s shoulder. Surprised, Izaya stopped his angry rambling.

"Oi, what are you doing?" he asked embarassed. Not at all comfortable with this sudden closeness.

Shizuo smiled, knowing the raven couldn´t see it.

"Just feeling a bit dizzy." He lied innocently while actually enjoying the moment. Izaya, however, was quite abashed by the action.

He tried to cover it up with anger.

"S-see? I told you! You aren´t well, go to bed now." He replied and shoved the blond off him again. The bed wasn´t too far away and Izaya just pushed him back on it.

"Now sleep until it´s ready. That´s an order!" he clarified before disappearing into the kitchen yet again.

"Okay." Shizuo mumbled, not sure though if the raven even heard it.

He was to caught up in his own thoughts to even pay attention to what the raven said.

A friend…

That was the only thought lingering in his mind.

Izaya said he was a friend.

He smiled and drifted off to sleep.

Izaya glanced around the corner to see a sleeping debt collector and sighed, relieved.

Finally.

His face still felt quite hot from before when Shizuo suddenly leaned on his shoulder… that was unexpected.

Shizuo was really unpredictable. But at least he was sleeping now. Izaya smiled.

Good.

And sighed a moment later frustrated.

Why the hell do I care anyway…?

"Tch-" a blush formed on his cheeks.

Annoys me...

Dammit…

-1 hour later. Shizuo´s point of view.-

Slowly, Shizuo cracked one eye open.

… something wet and cold touched his face.

"Ah, sorry, did I wake you?" a voice asked softly. Only after a few seconds Shizuo could ascertain that it was Izaya that had asked.

His sight wasn´t blurry anymore. He tried to sit up but frowned at the upcoming headache and flopped back into bed.

"How are you feeling?" Izaya asked.

"Hot." He grumbled while trying to get rid of these suffocating bedsheets around him.

The towel on his face was replaced with a colder one and he sighed relieved at the cooling sensation.

"38,5°" he heard Izaya say and didn´t need to see his face clearly to know he was smiling.

"That's good?" he asked.

"Well, for now yes, you just need to rest some more, then the fever will disappear again. Do you want some porridge now?" the raven asked. Shizuo thought about it for a while. Actually he wasn´t hungry at all… but Izaya cooked it for him, so…

"A bit." He replied, trying to heave himself up again. He frowned, that damn headache was killing him.

"Is something wrong?"

"Headache." He answered plainly. He rubed his temples, trying to relieve it a bit, when suddenly two pills and a glass of water were held out to him.

"Here, take those, they should ease the headache." Izaya explained. Thanking Shizuo took them and gulped them down.

"They should take effect in a few minutes." Izaya said and went back to the kitchen, only to return a few seconds later with a plate in his hands.

Shizuo looked curiously at the porridge Izaya had cooked. Izaya noticed the skeptical expression on Shizuo´s face.

"Oi what´s that look for?" he asked while sitting down on the edge of his bed again.

"Well, you don´t cook for yourself normally… do you?" Shizuo asked, knowing full well that Izaya probably only survived by ootoro and other expensive stuff.

"What´s that supposed to mean? You want to imply I am not able to cook?" he narrowed his eyes.

"Please, just because I don´t waste my precious time on doing something unnecessary as that doesn´t mean I can´t do it." He clarified. Shizuo, however, wasn´t quite convinced yet, but tasted it nontheless.

He mumbled a quick 'itatakimasu', before he began to eat.

A surprised look was the first he gave the flea.

"It´s good!" he earned an amused frown for that.

"Why are you looking so surprised while saying that…? Even I can cook, if I put my heart into it." Shizuo almost choked on his next spoon of porrige as he heard that.

If he puts his heart into it…? However, Izaya didn´t seem to notice the blond´s surprise as he just did yet another thing that left Shizuo speechless.

Izaya had pressed the backside of his hand on Shizuo´s forehead and looked at him with concern.

"Do you still feel hot?" he asked visibly worried. Shizuo couldn´t help but smile at the action. Really now, how could that flea act so adorable sometimes without even realizing it?

"No, it´s okay." He answered and chuckled.

Really now, having a fever didn´t seem that bad anymore… maybe he should get a fever more often?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aand that´s it~ XD Oh my, oh my, Izaya has some trouble accepting his feelings it seems~ But oh don´t worry my dear readers, he will come to understand soon~


	16. Drunk

-late afternoon. On a roof. Izaya´s point of view-

Three days. It´s been three days since Shizuo had been sick. And Izaya´s thoughts, well…

Izaya wasn´t his usual collected self. No. Not at all. The opposite.

He was thinking.

A lot.

And about what? About the same thing again and again-

Shizuo.

Nothing serious happened, really, Izaya nursed him back to health, the fever was dropping rather fast after he ate the porridge and after that… nothing in particular happened.

They reversed to the way they were. Shizuo got a call from Tom and accepted helping him out a bit after Izaya had glared at him - really, that protectiveness of that brute was quite something - and convinced him. Izaya did his own work on his laptop at their apartment.

Well except for now… He managed to persuade Shizuo to go back to work with Tom again, on the condition that Izaya wouldn´t try anything "dangerous" as the brute put it, and stay at home.

He sighed. Really, nothing out of the ordinary happened. And still…

Why do I keep thinking of Shizuo…?

It was kind of a rhetorical question.

He sat down on the edge of the roof he had been on and stared thoughtfully at the people strolling along the streets

They sure looked busy.

Of course he lied when he told Shizuo he would stay put at home and he knew Shizuo realized that. The way he said he "should be careful" before he left already was a dead give away on that single fact. After all, why should he be careful if he was staying at home, ne?

He was glad the blond got at least that Izaya wouldn´t do as he said and he couldn´t force him to. His injury was almost healed, the only thing Izaya was missing was exercise.

He needed to get his agility back.

Stamina seemed to be the factor he would have to work on first. After having done nothing in particular than lying around and walking a little bit, it suffered considerably.

The latest incident in where those five guys chased him were the best example.

He got up from his sitting position and walked to the opposite house. Its roof was a bit further down, a little gap was in between the buildings.

He inhaled deeply, and dashed off, jumping over the edge of the house. The cold air was breezing over his face and he could feel the wind slightly putting him off the mark.

Rather ungracefully he reached the wished destination of the other roof, almost stumbling over his own feet. He hissed annoyed.

"Tch, I really am rusty." Damnit he needed his parkour skills back at 100%. He wouldn´t accept anything less. And so he dashed off.

He didn´t want to rely on Shizuo anymore. His injury was almost healed and even though he knew that the blond wanted to protect him no matter if he had injuries or not, Izaya prefered to take care of his own.

Shizuo meant well, he understood that, but he wouldn´t accept his help.

Seriously… He is a real pest when he is not being my current enemy…

Well, maybe not a pest, after all he did take care of him when he was, well, unable to move up stairs and various other things…

He blushed as he remembered how the blond had looked after him this whole time and facepalmed.

This. Exactly this was what he was thinking about the whole time.

What Shizuo did, what Shizuo said.

That he had cried in front of Shizuo.

That Shizuo loved him.

He didn´t know what he should to with that information.

He told Shizuo just to forget what happened, so why was Izaya always catching himself thinking about those events?

Especially since Shizuo had that fever, Izaya couldn´t help but wonder...

…wonder…

…what…What exactly…

…He felt…

For the brute that is.

Sighing, he shook his head and continued dashing to various other rooftops.

Agility, that he should concentrate on getting back now, no wasting thoughts on that stupid brute now.

…

… and that kiss.

He stopped.

He kept remembering that kiss.

Thinking about it lit something in him. That moment he was pretty much frozen, not even being able to return the kiss - not that he wanted to! But still, that sensation of Shizuo´s lips on his…

He couldn´t get it out of his mind.

It wasn´t like he actually enjoye-

He frowned in frustration. Seriously, his thoughts were getting more and more confusing by the second.

He took the nearest fire escape and went back down to the busy streets of Ikebukuro. Training his parkour abilities sure wasn´t a good idea if he was that distracted.

He didn´t want to accidentally slip out of carelessness and end up being a beautiful crimson stain on the hard concrete after all.

Sighing again, he leaned onto the wall of a café, and tilted his head up, hands in his pockets, facing the beautiful red tinted sky. The sun would set soon.

…

"What am I even fooling myself for…?" he mumbled aloud.

He wasn´t dumb.

Sure, he didn´t know much when it came to feelings, especially to the one called "love", but he wasn´t so stupid as to not realize the way he felt towards the blond.

That he actually felt something for the blond.

Realization didn´t really hit him hard. If he really had to say it he somehow knew it for a while now, deep down, that Shizuo wasn´t only... well, what did he call himself? A friend?

Izaya didn´t have friends, but even if he had some he wouldn´t trust them, friends could betray you anytime. It was simple, he had seen it too often already, a little bribe or threat and the friendship would be destroyed in a matter of seconds.

He loved humans, but he didn´t trust a single one of them. They were fascinating to watch, but also dishonest and sneaky.

But Shizuo... Shizuo wasn´t.

He had never been the type to be dishonest, he was straightforward.

Shizuo wasn´t a mere friend. Shizuo was someone he trusted. In the past three weeks Shizuo had become someone Izaya would actually trust with his life.

He wouldn´t do that for a friend, he wouldn´t do that out of a sheer feeling of "friendship", no Izaya wasn´t like that.

Okay, he admitted it, Shizuo loved him and somehow… Izaya may have come to return those feelings.

But still.

He shivered, despite being wrapped up in his fluffy coat.

Too many... too many things happened. Be it now... and in the past.

...

He couldn´t bring himself to tell him.

And he knew it. Sighing yet again, he stepped away from the wall, a sad expression taking over.

Even if these feelings he harboured for the blond were actually love, he would never tell him. He didn´t need to lose someone precious again.

He would turn him down if he ever asked again, sooner or later he would come to stop loving him.

And then, when Shizuo realized that he should hate him instead of love him, everything would return to the way it always was.

Yeah, it´s probably only temporary after all, that love of his… too many years of hatred had gone by for Shizuo to really do an 180° turn on his feelings.

A sad expression showed on the informant's face.

…

He should go home now… Shizuo would unnecessarily get worried if he wasn´t there when he came back.

-Shizuo´s point of view-

"Shizuo please!"

Annoyed.

Annoyed.

Annoyed.

God damnit, Shizuo was annoyed!

Annoyed for exactly two reasons.

Reason number one: these guys he had to collect debt from today didn´t pay back at all, it was just the usual useless trash he had met far too often to his liking now. And god damn, this particular one definitely got on on his nerves again, but more importantly-

Reason number two: he knew Izaya was somewhere in this city and Shizuo was extremely anxious.

Why did he go outside?! What if someone like those guys found him again?

What if he encountered a situation he coulnd´t manage? Did he have a death wish?

Sure, he would watch out for that and it was daytime, but still… it drove him insane.

You could even say the guy he was currently threatening to squish flat under a vending machine wasn´t exactly at fault for his rage.

Nope, that was solely Izaya´s fault.

The guy was crouching on the ground, begging for forgiveness, while Tom-san tried to calm Shizuo down.

He was about to dump that vending machine on the guy when suddenly a loud ringing noise startled the three of them. If his hands hadn´t been occupied at that time, Shizuo would have covered his ears instantly.

ITERASHAI- ITERASHAI

Staggered, Shizuo looked at the large sign over Simon´s shop, playing an endless loop of "Iterashais" that were quite similar to Simon´s ones in an unbearble volume. The person in question stood in front of his restaurant, nodding approvingly.

He didn´t seem to mind the loudness, or realize that this would probably scare customers away instead of attracting them.

What the hell, doesn´t he realize this is too loud?

Annoyed he dropped the vending machine and walked into the opposite direction, getting away from the noise and a visibly relieved crouching guy.

Shizuo reached into his pockets for a cigarette. He needed one to calm down now.

Damnit, he always got angry when he saw Izaya around Ikebukuro and wanted him to leave this city.

And now he would be glad if he caught at least a glimpse of the flea. Izaya was his. Nobody was allowed to hurt or touch him in any way.

Irritated he watched the smoke of his cigarette, drifting towards the red tinted sky.

"Here." Shizuo looked at a plastic bag shoved in front of his vision dumbfounded. Tom was the one holding it.

"What´s that?" he asked seeing that there was sake in it. Tom leaned on the wall of a house and sighed.

"I got this from the guy from before he couldn´t pay back his debt but he promised he would do so next time." Tom responded. "I kind of believe him, he was grateful that you spared him."

"Tch, they should pay back and not give me this." Shizuo grumbled annoyed.

"Yes, yes… either way. Go home for today Shizuo." Tom advised leaving Shizuo to stare at him.

"Hah?"

"I don´t know why, but you are especially irritated today, you didn´t even wait for that guy's explanation to why he didn´t have the money. Usually you would wait at least for that before you beat them up." he shook his head, sighing.

The blond scratched his head guiltily.

"Aah.. You´re right… Sorry about that." he murmured. Tom smiled.

"Nevermind, everyone has a bad day sometimes, for today we are finished anyway, so have a nice evening." He pointed at the plastic bag.

"Invite some friends and offer them a drink, maybe that will improve your mood."

Shizuo chuckled.

A friend… how about his current newfound "friend"?

"Ah, you already have someone in mind?" Tom asked amused, catching Shizuo off guard.

"Ah… more or less."

Yeah… he certainly had someone he could spend the evening with now.

-at their apartment. Both´s point of view-

Izaya was already at home. Training his skills wasn´t that good of an idea if he was that distracted, so he decided to finish some work on his laptop instead. He was falling behind after all. He perked his ears as he heard the door open, revealing the blond he had been wasting his thoughts on the whole day.

"Ah, Izaya you are here." Shizuo said relieved. He already feared to get home and not find the informant in their apartment.

Izaya didn´t notice his relieved expression though, his attention was drawn to the bag Shizuo carried instead.

"What´s that?" he asked, pointing at the object in question.

"Sake, I got it from a guy that was all too grateful I didn´t drop a vending machine on his head…" the blond answered.

Izaya chuckled a bit at the thought.

"Oh yeah I can imagine that. You have to control that temper of yours Shizu-chan." Izaya stated and continued typing away on his laptop. Shizuo watched him fascinated, his fingers flew over the keyboard in such a fast manner, it was astonishing.

"Work I guess?" he asked. The informant turned his gaze back at him.

"Yes, but I will be finished soon either way."

Shizuo rose an eyebrow disbelieving.

"What? Don´t kid me I know you went out." he stated. Usually the flea took ages to finish his work- did he think he could fool Shizuo by making it look like he hadn´t gone outside?

"Tch, so you realized it after all. Yes, I was out." Izaya chuckled and shut down his laptop.

"Of course, I know it when you lie now and when not." Shizuo countered, a bit annoyed at the fact that he had indeed been right.

"Come on Shizu-chan, what are you? My mother? I can take care of myself. Besides-" he shrugged nonchalantly. "I didn´t lie about finishing my work you know. I was only out for about 2 hours or so, and didn´t do anything "dangerous" as you put it, kay?" he replied, and made his way over to Shizuo.

The blond sighed. Arguing further with the flea would lead to nothing anyway. He decided to drop the topic for now.

"Wanna join me in drinking it?" he asked holding up the sake. Izaya shrugged.

"Does it taste good?" he asked, leaving Shizuo dumbfounded.

"…What?" Izaya asked, noticing the surprised stare Shizuo gave him.

"Don´t tell me you never drank sake before?" Shizuo suddenly laughed, leaving Izaya annoyed.

"So what? Got a problem with that?" he spat angrily, but the blond just continued laughing.

"You are twenty-three and haven´t drunken sake once? You surprise me…" he chuckled while getting two sake cups from the kitchen. Izaya followed him, not letting Shizuo have the last word.

"I just don´t like feeding my body with substances that don´t do it any good at all." He tried to clarify.

"Or you´re just a bad drinker." Shizuo countered and put the sake bottles and cups on the table.

"Ha?! No!" he refused to be labeled as a bad drinker by the blond.

"How would you know? With that thin figure of yours I bet you would be drunk after two or three cups." Shizuo chuckled.

"Shut up, I bet I can still handle more than you!" Izaya hissed and dropped down on the other side of the table, glaring at Shizuo who was smiling with amusement.

The flea was just too adorable when he was all agitated about something he said.

"Sure let´s make it a bet then!" he announced, enjoying the surprised look on Izaya´s face.

Izaya flinched, well he hadn´t actually intended to really make it a bet. But another glance at Shizuo did it. That grin of his, that self-confident grin.

He wouldn´t lose!

"Sure, bring it on!" he announced carelessly.

\- half an hour later. Both´s point of view.-

Empty sake bottles were lying on the floor and Izaya just gulped down another cup.

"Ugh… It sure tastes bad…" Izaya wrinkled his nose at the unfamiliar burning sensation in his throat. He decided to conveniently ignore the fact that his speech was a bit slurred.

Instead, he prefered to watch Shizuo whose eyes had gotten a bit glazed. He still spoke the same way as before, but the fact that he gradually tilted more to one side revealed enough for Izaya to feel victorious.

That the room seemed to spin on his own was something Izaya decided to just ignore.

Getting annoyed by the spinning, the raven decided to lean onto the table, resting his head on his crossed arms for a bit.

"Hehe, I told ya, Izaya~" the blond stated the moment Izaya did so. Immediately he shot up again.

"Sshut up! I am not drunk, just tired." he lied, sure knowing that the room was spinning because of the alcohol. Shizuo didn´t cease his laughing though…

Tch… Annoying… and hot. Is that also because of the alcohol?

"Damn, it´s hot in here…" he announced and tried to stand up, with the intention of opening the window to let in some cool air. However, the moment he tried to stand his knees wobbled quite a bit, almost making him fall down again.

Shizuo laughed at the sight.

"Flea you can´t even stand straight." He chuckled and tried to get up as well, wanting to help the flea, however, the moment he stood he stumbled over one of the sake bottles and landed flat face on the floor.

Heartfelt laughter was heard from the flea.

"Who is the drunken one here now?!" he asked victorious, earning a chuckle from the debt collector.

"Shut up! It was just that sake bottle. Look at yourself!" he grinned, the flea was obviously busy enough to just maintain his balance while standing.

"Huh? I have no problem at all." A glare was shot at him. To prove his point Izaya tried taking a step forward into the direction of the window, still intending to open it. But that wasn´t so easy it seemed.

That damn floor almost seemed to enjoy making Izaya wobble, shaking like that.

This time it was Shizuo´s time to laugh, he had gotten up on his feet again and walked surprisingly steady over to Izaya. Izaya frowned at that, the brute had drunken as much as he did, how come he could still walk straight?

"Talk about me…" he chuckled and grabbed Izaya´s arm to support him.

"Shut up!" Izaya hissed, and ripped his arm away. A mistake as he soon realized.

The sudden motion was too much for him and before he knew it the room decided to just spin a little bit more, confusing Izaya to where was up and where was down.

And so the inevitable happened. Izaya fell- Shizuo seeing this tried to catch the flea in time, but as steady as he had seemed to Izaya, he wasn´t at all.

The room was spinning for him as well, and the moment he grabbed a hold of the falling flea, he couldn´t keep his balance anymore and they crashed down together.

Izaya squeezed his eyes when he hit the floor with the blond on top of him.

"Urgh…"

His head hurt now as well.

Damnit, he shouldn´t have taken that challenge after all.

He opened his eyes again, only to blush furiously.

Izaya couldn´t help but feel even hotter than before when he realized just how they were lying on the ground.

While Izaya fell on his back, Shizuo hovered over him. He barely managed to keep himself up to not crash the flea when they fell. One arm was still keeping a firm grip on Izaya´s wrist, the other leaning beside Izaya´s head for support.

A slight blush formed on Shizuo´s face as he realized just how close their faces were, and the fact, that he was lying on Izaya´s torso, in between his bent legs. Izaya´s tighs straddling his waist.

They both noticed each other´s blush and as quickly as they had gotten in this awkward position, they separated.

Both were now sitting on the floor, each of them looking somewhere else to avoid the other's look.

Awkwardness hung in the air.

"S-sorry." Shizuo was the first to break the torturing silence.

"N-no problem… it was just an accident." Izaya mumbled embarrassed.

Shizuo couldn´t help but blush even more.

Oh yeah… an accident.

What a nice accident.

God… that... was kinda hot. He was glad Izaya couldn´t read minds… otherwise he would know just how much Shizuo would have liked to just kiss the flea and take him on the spot.

His face flushed even more at the thought and he quickly shook his head, trying to keep himself from imagining that.

Okay, the alcohol definitely was getting to him now- he was seriously losing self control.

Izaya didn´t love him, he was just allowed to stay by his side as a "friend", he reminded himself.

…

Shit… He was waaay to drunk.

Something different. He needed a topic change, this unbearable silence drove him insane.

He cleared his throat.

"So, I haven´t seen your sisters around, do they know what happened these past weeks?" he asked. The question had popped up once in his mind before- perfect time to ask.

Izaya was kinda startled by the question, but glad that Shizuo broke the awkward silence, even though it was that kind of question.

"No." He answered. And he would rather have them not find out... Now Shizuo was quite surprised.

"Huh? But shouldn´t they know? They are your sisters. You were seriously injured, almost died, I would-" Shizuo began, but Izaya interrupted him harshly.

"Shizu-chan, shut up." he spat pretty hostilely. Shizuo looked at him confused. Why was he so angry now?

"Izaya…?" Izaya sighed and crawled back to his seat, taking another cup of sake.

"Come on, I don´t believe either of us has won this yet." He announced and gulped it down.

"Oi, I think you´ve had enough already." Shizuo voiced, but only earned a glare. It was obvious Izaya was just avoiding the conversation.

…so he really wasn´t on good terms with his sisters... Well, he could have kinda figured that, he saw the cut up photos after all.

"… What about your parents then…?" he tried, realizing that he didn´t know a single thing about them. However, the flea´s next reaction kinda startled him. No he wasn´t angry, he started laughing, really hard.

"Why are you laughing?" Shizuo asked confused, he didn´t ask anything funny right?

Izaya sighed.

"Shizu-chan, you´re so naïve. My parents don´t even give a damn about me." he revealed, leaving Shizuo quite surprised. He watched Izaya take another gulp before he went on.

"They never loved me or felt anything other than hate towards me, Shizu-chan. The only thing they cared about was appearance. We looked like those families from books, you now, those that look happy, where everyone is well-behaved and nice, and so on… But in reality for them I am a whole disappointment. They wouldn´t even give a damn about me dying." He sighed nostalgically.

"I still remember that one day when they decided to separate, they just threw me out. Ah, not that they hated me or so, don´t missunderstand. No, not even that, they didn´t even care what was going to happen to me..."

Shizuo listened closely, not daring to ask or say something. Izaya had never ever told him anything about himself. Maybe the alcohol had gotten to him. Either way it didn´t matter, Shizuo wouldn´t let this opportunity slip to find out a thing or two about the flea. Izaya continued talking after taking another gulp of the sake.

"I moved into the old acting clubroom of the school. Nobody noticed, since it hadn´t been used after the club disbanded. I had a friend there… a really good one, he was like a brother I never had…" Izaya smiled shortly, but his expression darkened as he went on.

"…but… it didn´t stay long that way. Yeah, you can guess what happened. You know me, I did some things, stupid things, manipulative things, and then…" Shizuo frowned, noticing the way Izaya´s hand began to shake.

If he didn´t knew it better, he would have said Izaya looked frightened.

There was much more to this story than Izaya was willing to tell. Shizuo got the urge to crawl up to him and hug the flea, if ony to stop him from shaking that is, but he stayed put despite it. He wanted to hear more.

Suddenly Izaya startled Shizuo as he began to laugh. But not a real laugh, a forced one - most probably to hide his true feelings, he guessed.

"Haha, I was really an asshole that time… with my rotten personality, I ruined everything. No wonder I have no friends. All alone with these manipulative games of mine. Really now, maybe it would have been better if I was never born at all." He chuckled, gulping down another drink.

Shizuo looked at the flea with a shock. From everything he would have expected the flea to say, this wasn´t part of it.

The way Izaya smiled, but looked crushed at the same time tugged at Shizuo´s heart. He crawled over. He couldn´t bear to just listen any longer.

"Izaya why are you saying that?" he asked, keeping a close look on Izaya´s expression.

He put on that forced smile of his again.

"It´s true Shizu-chan~! I ruined everything~! I always ruin people's lives~ Aren´t I disgusting? I sure am. Honestly, I wonder why you love me." Izaya shrugged trying to look as if it didn´t bother him at all, but it didn´t work. Blame it on the alcohol or something else, but it was clearly visible just how hurt Izaya was by his own words.

"Izaya you aren´t disgusting." Shizuo convinced him and took the cup of sake out of his hands. He had drunken enough already.

"Oh, come on, you know me. You out of all should know it best, just what kind of person I am." He countered and leaned back on his elbows.

"No Izaya, you´re not disgusting, I love you the way you are." Shizuo tried again, but to no avail.

"That´s not true." Izaya replied frustrating the hell out of Shizuo.

"What?! It is! Izaya I love you!" A shrug was the only thing he got from the flea.

"Who knows how long? There will definitely come a time, when you will cease doing such a stupid thing." Izaya stated, expression turning gloom.

"Izaya!"

"What? It´s true, you will someday stop to feel something this pure for someone as disgusting as-" Izaya was shut up by a hand that was pressed on his mouth.

"Izaya, listen closely now." Shizuo began, taking the hand away again. "You aren´t disgusting. I love you! I love how you speak, I love how you act, how you know everything, how you blush when you´re embarassed, how you cry when you´re sad, how you laugh when you´re happy… Damnit Izaya, I love every last thing about you!" Shizuo explained, trying to get the flea to believe him, immensely blushing in the process.

It teared him apart to see the flea like this. Without his masks, just so sad. He cupped Izaya´s face trying to make him look at him.

"Please believe me, Izaya, I really do love you! From the bottom of my heart and that´s never going to change!" he tried again. Izaya´s gloomy expression wavered a bit.

Izaya heard the blond say those words, he knew he really meant them… still…

"But-" he tried to counter his statement again, but was interrupted.

This time it wasn´t a hand that stopped him from speaking-

Only barely did he notice the simultaneously frustrated and loving look the blond gave him before Izaya´s eyes widened as Shizuo quickly leaned forward and connected their lips.

Surprise reflected in Izaya´s eyes.

This wasn´t a chaste kiss like the one on the ship. There was no hesitation in Shizuo´s eyes- but determination.

In a heartbeat Izaya felt those strong arms of his- one hand wrapping securely around his lower back, and one behind his head, burying his fingers in the inky hair.

Body against body were they forced close together. Izaya´s head spun and his thoughts rode rollercoaster at the feeling of Shizuo´s hot and moist lips pressed onto his own.

What was he doing?! He should push him away, he should stop this, he should hate this-

but god… he loved it!

Momentarily forgetting about their conversation, dropping his thoughts, Izaya slowly gave in to the kiss. Hesitating arms found their way around Shizuo´s neck, griping those blond tips of his and he pushed himself closer into that deliciously hot heat.

His eyes glazed lustful at the contact, kiss still intact, that´s when he decided that he was too hot- too drunk- to hesitate any longer.

And so was Shizuo- initially he wanted to kiss the flea to "prove" again that he loved him- but now… the face Izaya was making, the way he clung to him- this -was getting too hot- too arousing- to stop.

A heavy gasp escaped Izaya´s lips as Shizuo slipped his tongue into Izaya´s mouth. Too quickly the kiss became intoxicating. The way Izaya breathed heavily and the way their bodies were pressed together- it was dangerously seductive.

Muffled moans resounded as the raven tasted the slick muscle trespassing his lips, sending shivers down Shizuo´s spine.

Shizuo leaned forward, tilting his head slightly to deepen the kiss-earning a more than satisfied gasp from Izaya- going straight to Shizuo´s groin.

God how that turned him on…! He tightened his grip on the flea even more, their bodies already as close as they could get without crushing some ribs.

He nearly knocked Izaya off with the force he did so- and Izaya loved it.

The way he was bent backwards but still held in place by Shizuo´s strong arms while receiving a kiss that arousing and hot- it was too much.

Heavy panting filled the room and it didn´t take long until Izaya finally lost his will to keep sitting up. He let himself drop backwards, both teetered dangerously as Izaya tilted over- Shizuo followed, pinning him fiercely down onto the floor- hands not leaving his body- the desiring kiss not breaking once.

Moaning wanting at the harsh contact Izaya´s eyes almost fluttered shut.

Oh god how he loved the way Shizuo dominantly pressed him into the floor…!

Shizuo was the same. He acted without thought- pure lust taking over.

One of his legs slipped in between Izaya´s as he pushed him harder into the ground. A husky moan resounded at the friction- not sure if it was Izaya or himself that breathed it out- either way the pleasure was getting too much.

Izaya´s hand slipped from his head and clutched onto Shizuo´s shirt instead- his body already turning into an unresponsive mess.

Panting they parted both trying to catch their breath, a string of saliva connecting their lips. Eyes dark and glazed with pure lust. Without warning Shizuo leaned down again and sweetly attacked Izaya´s bare neck.

The raven gasped and tilted his head to the side, eyes shut tightly, unknown pleasure shooting through his body at the touch.

It literally set his body on flames.

He was on fire- his grip on Shizuo tightened.

This feeling.

He wanted more of this.

And he got more. Shizuo´s hand on his back, having stayed there the whole time, now moved further south- along side his hips.

More…

Shizuo continued to suck on Izaya´s neck deliciously while his hand trailed under this black shirt of his- his waist exposed to the cold air. Izaya arched his back into the arousing touch.

More…!

He shivered at the feeling of Shizuo´s warm hand- almost unbearable slow making it´s way towards his chest- making him twitch in anticipation-

"Sh-shizuo…" A wanting moan escaped his lips- and Shizuo froze.

He shot up and let go of the raven, still sprawled on the floor. Pure shock was painted on his face, all colour drained from it as he crawled away.

A little confused and taken aback by the sudden stop, Izaya eyed the petrified blond. He blinked. Once, twice. The blond started rambling.

"S-sorry! I-I got carried away, I know you don´t like… I just… sorry… sorry, sorry Izaya…" his voice faded out.

Shit!

Shizuo could hit himself straight in the face.

The flea was drunk for god´s sake! He didn´t know what he was doing! He didn´t love him! What Shizuo did just now was nothing more than taking advantage of him…!

Anxious for Izaya´s reaction, he sat there, waiting. For a response, a disgusted look, an angry glare - anything.

However, it took a few moments for the raven to come down from his high until he registered just what the blond had said.

If his face hadn´t already been flushed, then Shizuo would have probably witnessed him blushing furiously now. He sat up again, bringing a hand to his face to hide his embarrassment.

God, what did he do? Guilty, he looked to the ground.

He thought he wouldn´t lead Shizuo on and just wait for him to forget about this love of his… and what did he do?!

God… This was no different to leading him unnecessarily on…!

He sighed, taking in the pathetic look Shizuo gave him. And now he felt guilty for what he did… he couldn´t stand him looking that way.

"It´s…. It´s okay…" he mumbled embarrassed. "Just forget it…"

Shizuo was relieved, but simultaneously frowned. Sure, he was glad the flea wasn´t mad at him, but he shouldn´t forget it either.

"Izaya." He approached him again. The raven didn´t even do as much as flinch as Shizuo rested his head on his shoulder and coiled his arms around the flea´s body.

"Izaya, don´t forget it. I don´t want you to be mad at me now, but don´t forget it. Take it as proof if you want. I really love you, from the depths of my heart, and that will never change." he squeezed a bit tighter to emphasize his point.

Izaya couldn't help but feel his heart jump at those words.

All he could do was nod, fearing his voice to give out if he tried to actually reply something. He knew that forming lump in his throat and the burn in his eyes all too well to know that it wouldn´t be wise to speak now. The warm feeling building in his chest was almost too much to bear.

Shit…

It was already too late for him to escape… wasn´t it…?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay~ that´s it. XD Soooo, what did you think of that scene? X3 Just to remind you, this is my first time writing fanfiction, haven´t tried anything like that scene so far, so I am highly curious what you thought of this. After all this will be how my lemons start too.
> 
> …
> 
> Yes. Lemons. XD
> 
> Just in case you forgot, I mentioned it in the description, there will be lemons in this story~ (Pretty soon at that~) ;3 So, please tell me if this scene was weird or okay. X3 So I know what to mind in the future. X3


	17. Unexpected twist

-their apartment. Morning. Izaya´s point of view-

He stared.

And stared.

At what?

At Shizuo.

An earlier glance directed at the clock hanging in the room, had told him the time.

It was 8 am.

The sun rays were already illuminating the room, making it easy for Izaya to spot the empty sake bottle and cups reminding him of what had just taken place here yesterday.

He was lying on the floor, being hugged tightly by no-one other than Shizuo Heiwajima.

He didn´t know how he had gotten himself in that position, or rather when, but by the time he woke up Shizuo had already wrapped his arms around his waist and back and was holding him close.

Being embraced like that, he couldn´t help but think about the events that took place the previous night again and again, and again...

He had been drunk. Really drunk.

But despite that he remembered everything clearly.  
From the moment they stumbled, over the stupid talk of his parents, past and finally… that.  
He frowned a bit frustrated.

Why did he do that?

Why did he not tell Shizuo to stop?!

He would have done it immediately if he asked him to! He would have just had to say one word.

Only one single word would have been sufficient.

But.. he let him do it…. Because….

He sighed.

No matter how hard he tried to deny it…

God damnit, he liked it...

What he felt then was just too good.

And his resistance more or less vanished completely… because of the alcohol…? He didn´t know.

If Shizuo hadn´t stopped that moment… He couldn´t help but feel the heat rush to his face.

If… if the blond hadn´t stopped… how far would have he gone…?

He wasn´t sure.

For the first time in his life Izaya Orihara didn´t know what he would have done in a situation.

All he could do now was to watch the expression that sleeping Shizuo showed and wonder.

Sighing, he nuzzled his face into the blond´s shirt. He smelled nice. He was warm.  
Faintly Izaya could feel Shizuo´s steady breath brush over his hair and feel the rise and fall of his chest.

"I love you from the depths of my heart and that´s never going to change."

…

Seriously.

Even though Shizuo was sleeping and not even aware of the flea watching him, Izaya turned his head away, avoiding looking at his face.

He couldn´t help but blush as he remembered those words.

How the hell could you say something like that?

Deep in thoughts Izaya touched his lips. Remembering the sensation when they were connected with Shizuo´s.

He couldn´t deny it, it felt good. He wouldn´t mind doing that again.

…

Maybe…

No, he couldn´t... or could he...?

His heartbeat accelerated as a new thought began to form in his mind.

Until now Izaya had been determined to ignore Shizuo´s feelings - to ignore his own feelings.

This wouldn´t end good, he was sure of it.

He didn´t want to-

He shivered slightly.

…he didn´t want to experience something like that ever again. The nightmares were still haunting him and he knew better than to foolishly act anymore.

He knew it was risky, or rather, he thought it was. The idea of something like this happening ever again scared the shit out of him, exactly because he ... loved the blond.

Because of everything that happened during those five days he truly only honestly feared the last one.

Especially now.

But…

He glanced at the debt collector´s face.

He was tired of it.

He was tired of having these nightmares, he was tired of waking up screaming, he was tired of letting his past control his actions in the present like that.

…

He wasn´t stupid. The nights where Shizuo had slept together with him in this small bed of his were the best of his life. He didn´t have a single nightmare during that time. It almost felt as if he was free from the haunting memory, only for it to come back when the blond wasn´t by his side anymore.

This sure made him think.

Shizuo would never ever let something like this happen.

Shizuo was different.

Maybe... as long as it was Shizuo it was somehow okay?

Shizuo loved him and…

Izaya´s feelings…they were mutual.

His heart began beating fast as he came to a conclusion.

Maybe…

His grip on Shizuo´s shirt tightened.

Maybe this… could actually … be possible?

Maybe he could … tell him that he… that he wanted to try?

This … relationship, it is?

He gulped. If he really said that, if he told Shizuo that he loved him… they would be lovers.

Instantly.

If.. if they really became lovers, that would change a lot in their relationship. Sure, they were already pretty close, Izaya had to admit, but becoming lovers meant even more.

He couldn´t help but be a little abashed at the thought what Shizuo might do to him in terms of... well, having sex?

He already knew that he definitely could get turned on by him... the way he reacted yesterday to Shizuo´s actions was enough proof of that...

Yeah... proof. Just like that kiss from Shizuo.

"I don´t want you to forget it, just take it as proof if you want."

Forget it, huh?

Hell, even if he wanted to do that, that would be a pretty damn hard thing to just forget.

Izaya couldn´t help but smile at the thought.

Izaya wouldn´t forget and Shizuo wouldn´t change his mind... He made that pretty clear last night...

He looked at the blond with a smile.

That protozoan... still sleeping like a rock.

But he sure looked peaceful. No usual frown decorated his expression.

Izaya chuckled and snuggled closer, gripping the blond´s shirt tightly.

Shizuo wasn´t stupid. Maybe not as smart as Izaya, but not stupid. However, regarding feelings, Izaya was pretty sure that the blond didn´t have a clue about what Izaya felt for him.

The way he had retracted from the kiss yesterday after he realized just what they were doing and apologized like that just showed that the blond knew in fact nothing.

If he did he wouldn´t have looked that afraid for his reaction.

He gently brushed away some bangs covering the blond´s eyes.

Really now, who would have thought... that the two of them would ever end up like this.

Finally squished by a vending machine or beaten up behind a dumpster, that´s where Izaya had imagined to end up eventually if he continued to tease the blond. But this...  
This certainly wasn´t something he could have ever predicted.

Shizuo never, really never, ceased to surprise him.

He brushed over those blond bangs again thoughtfully.

Should he ... tell him when he woke up?

Why not? He knew he loved the brute and he knew once Izaya had an idea in mind it would end up being carried out anyway.

He wanted this after all.

So why not tell him now...?

Should he?

Should he really-

A sudden noise startled him. Shizuo´s phone lying on the floor had started ringing and snapped him out of his thoughts.

He noticed Shizuo´s eyes flutter open and for a short moment crimson eyes locked with golden ones.

Silence hang in the room as they stared at each other.

Izaya attempted to say something, anything, but suddenly words didn´t seem to come to mind. Fear was holding him back.

A few seconds later he realized abashed just what he was doing.

Izaya was still clinging to Shizuo´s shirt. He let go hastily.

The blond was still holding the flea in his embrace and also quickly retracted his arms as he felt the raven squirm.

In a matter of seconds they separated, the ringing of Shizuo´s phone, after not being picked up, stopped.

Awkward silence hang in the room until Shizuo cleared his throat.

"Sorry for yesterday." Shizuo murmured after a while and looked guiltily at Izaya who quickly turned his head away.

"Don´t worry, it was nothing…" he replied, look firmly locked on the ground.  
He gulped.

If... if he really wanted to tell him... then he could do it now.

He glanced shortly at the blond sill staring at him and looked at the floor again.

God... how the hell should he start...?

Nothing…!

Nothing came to mind!

Or better there did come something to mind.

I love you.

That´s what his brain was repeating over and over… but…

God damnit, why wouldn´t his lips work?!

It was almost as if they were sealed… sealed to never tell his true feelings ever again.

Awkward silence surrounded the two again.

The raven was still struggling with words.

Shizuo stared at him.

...

What´s going on…?

Since the moment Shizuo had woken up, the flea had been acting pretty weird.

Well… he couldn't blame him for it… after all he did do some quite strange things himself yesterday…

He sighed and scratched his head. Damnit… this was probably his fault.

"Oi Izaya-" he began, but was cut off by his phone.

Izaya released the breath he didn´t know he had been holding when the phone interrupted Shizuo. But... the former bartender didn´t seem to pay attention to it- his stare was still locked on Izaya.

The famous informant noticed this of course, cleared his throat nervously and pointed at the phone.

"Shizu-chan, the phone." Izaya voiced finally and Shizuo broke his stare at the raven to look at his phone instead.

"Oh, yeah." Quickly he picked it up from the floor and answered it.

"Hello?"

Izaya took the opportunity, stood up and took those cups and empty sake bottle away.

He couldn´t just sit there with the blond looking at him like that.

Damnit... how the hell was he supposed to tell him?

Just three little words would be sufficient.

The brute would get it.

How come it was so difficult to say it?

And, oh god, the way Shizuo looked at him certainly didn´t help him at all. That stupid brute, he was probably still worrying about yesterday and if maybe he had gone to far...

"Sure, right now?" The blond's voice stopped his train of thoughts.

Izaya perked his ears curiously.

Who is he talking to anyway?

"Got it. No it´s no problem. See you." Shizuo hung up and suddenly started dressing up. Izaya watched him.

What is he doing now?

He seemed to notice the curious look on Izaya´s face and explained.

"I have to help Tom today." he answered while buttoning his vest.

"Even though it´s Saturday?" Izaya asked surprised. Shizuo nodded.

"Yeah, it seems one of these debt-making bastards plans on fleeing before we can ask him for the money, so we are going to pay him a visit before that." he explained and looked around.

"Eh..?"

No!

That damn brute should stay here, he had to tell him something important!

Why did Tom have to call now?!

But Shizuo was already on his way to the door.

"Well, I will be back in a few hours I guess. Bye."

"Wait-"

I have to tell you something...!

Before Izaya could even think about what he was doing he was already stretching out his arm to get a hold of Shizuo. Only in the last second he realized what he was doing and retracted it quickly.

Surprised by the call Shizuo turned around.

"Izaya?" Izaya had already crossed his arms again, glad that the blond didn´t notice what he had been about to do.

He already felt the heat rush to his face.

"Ah.. nevermind... try not to kill the guy, ne?" he mumbled embarrassed, sure as hell noticing just how awkward that was.

"Ah... sure."

With that Shizuo turned around again and moved on.

"Bye." With that he closed the door. And Izaya… literally freaked out.

Agitated he kicked the bed.

What the hell was that?!

I am so stupid!

Frustrated he started going up and down the room.

Why couldn´t I say it?! God damnit...!

It would have been so easy!

He was mad. Mad at himself. Why the hell was it so damn difficult to just say it? If the brute was able to say such cheesy lines, despite himself having learned that it was dangerous to get close to anyone.

Shizuo had a damn fear of hurting those dear to him and he overcame it somehow. So then shouldn´t Izaya at least be able to mutter those three simple words?!

Damnit.

"Why couldn´t I just do it?!" he grabbed the pillow in frustration, ready to throw it across the room.

"I should have-"

He froze suddenly. A rattling noise coming from outside caught his attention.

Frowning he dropped the pillow and stood still.

It was silent again.

Where did that sound come from?

"…Shizu-chan…?" he tried.

But as expected there was no answer. Alerted he got his blade from his coat´s pocket and approached the door. There was no window on this side of the room and he had no opportunity to safely check if there was someone outside.

So he listened closely. But except cars and the usual sound of the city nothing in particular suspicious was heard. But he still didn´t let his guard down.

In a matter of seconds he kicked the door open and pointed his blade at whoever there was.

To his surprise, however, he saw nobody.

Carefully he went a few steps out of the apartment. He looked left, then right, but there was still nobody in sight.

"Weird…" he mumbled to himself and turned around.

"I could have sworn I heard som-"

Izaya didn´t get to finish his sentence.

Suddenly he felt his hand being tugged backwards and something cold and sharp pressed against his throat.

No mistake - a knife.

Anxiety and fear took over his mind at an alarming rate as he held still.

Who was that?!

Where did he come from?!

Does he want to kill me?!

Why did he know I am here?!

Dozends of thoughts rushed through his mind. He tried to collect them and inhaled deeply - as far as that was possible with a fucking knife pressed to his throat.

No matter who it was that got him right now, he didn´t kill him yet. And it didn´t seem as if he would do it in the next seconds.

...

He decided he shouldn´t do anything rash- and waited a moment.

The guy still didn´t talk…but he also didn´t move any further. Izaya gulped and gave it a shot.

"Oh my, it seems one of my lovely humans got me~ What gives me the pleasure~?" he said seemingly carefree, while his eyes darted around searching for an escape and his mind actually was only filled with one thought:

How do I get away…?!

Suddenly he felt the knife press down on his throat a bit more, drawing a trail of blood. Panic began to take over Izaya´s mind.

"O-oi..!"

He thought he wouldn´t kill him?!

Suddenly the person, whoever it was, spoke.

"Orihara Izaya, rest assured, I wasn´t told to assassinate you, but to "remind" you of your deal." The man said in a deep voice and released Izaya.

Instantly he stumbled forward and distanced himself from the guy. He gulped rubbing the stinging cut.

To remind me of a deal…?

What deal?

Confused he looked at the guy. What was he talking about? He didn´t think he had let down anyone he made a deal with so far.

The man, however, said nothing more. Instead, he held out an envelope.

He eyed it curiously, not sure if he should really take it or not… but thinking that the guy could have killed him off just nicely a second ago made him drop his guard a bit. Whatever there was in there it wasn´t something dangerous.

Hesitantly Izaya took it and the guy continued to speak.

"Just a little reminder that the boss is still able to do what he promised." And with that he turned around and walked away.

Frowning Izaya looked after the guy till he disappeared around the corner.

Normally Izaya would have followed the guy and tried to find out more, but… he didn´t know if that guy came alone or not… he made his decision quickly as he slipped back into his apartment and hastily locked the door.

Too dangerous. Investigating a guy that could sneak up on him that perfectly was definitely not something that would be wise. He should rather try his utmost to not get on his bad side.

Frowning he glanced at the envelope he was given.

"What the hell is this…?" he took his knife and cut it open.

What deal did he forget?

He was Orihara Izaya, the best information broker in Ikebukuro, there was no way he would forget a deal.

His blood froze as he saw the content of the envelope.

There was a message.

"The second time this month Izaya. Are you provoking me?"

And photos.

There were photos in the envelope.

Cut up photos.

Photos of Mairu ad Kururi.

"Shit...!" Hurriedly he almost stumbled over his own feet as he dashed to the night table. Agitated he grabbed his phone but only a black screen greeted him.

"Why the hell is it off?!" he almost yelled at himself and turned it on again.

*pling* … 1 missed call

*pling* … 2 missed calls

*pling* ... 3 missed calls

*pling*

*pling*

*pling*

…

Waves of nausea overcame Izaya with each damn *pling* coming from the phone.

"Fuck." Izaya gulped.

10 missed calls since yesterday.

All from the same number- Shiki´s number.

Hastily he got up and opened his laptop. Impatient, he tapped his fingers on the table.

"Come on now... mails… mails..." Finally that damn computer was ready. Instantly Izaya checked his mails. A sigh of utmost relief escaped his lips.

He brought a trembling hand over his face.

"Thank god..."

The usual threatening mail was there.

So it really was "just" a warning.

Izaya gulped, shivering.

That guy... he had been sent by Shiki.

Fuck, of course he didn´t forget about their deal!

He snorted. Well if you could even call that a "deal". Izaya wouldn´t decscribe an agreement not profitable for both parties a good deal. Especially if the non-profitable party was him.

He closed his laptop again and put on his coat.

He had to get out of this somehow.

Soon.

The ropes closing around his neck were already becoming rather suffocating.

His sight fell on his phone again and before he knew it he was calling a nostalgic number he wished he wouldn´t have to call again.

"… Hello? We need to meet."

\- 2 hours later. Izaya´s point of view-

It smelled awfully.

Cringing his nose Izaya looked at those alcoholics sitting on a table behind the bar.

The lights in the bar were dimmed and only sparely illuminating that joke of a club. Probably only so that the customers wouldn´t see just how shitty this place actually was.

On the other hand though, most of the people here were probably too wasted anyway to even notice.

He looked at the clock behind the bar impatiently.

He is already five minutes late…

Sighing, he took another sip of his drink. Non-alcoholic of course.

He didn´t lie when he told Shizuo that he didn´t like to supply his body with harming substances.

Suddenly someone entered the bar and Izaya turned his head to see who it was.

He recognized the well known figure.

"Took you long enough, geezer." An old man, followed by a well known greyhound approached the raven.

"Hello Izaya, under what unfortunate circumstances we meet this time." The old man replied and sat down at the counter.

"Waiter. One Gin tonic please." He ordered.

"You still have that damn dog?" Izaya asked frowning, eyeing the unwanted creature.

"Haha, you don´t like it, ne?" the old man chuckled.

"I don´t get why you got one in the first place." He shrugged. He couldn´t care less what that geezer did.

"See it as another security measure." Izaya chuckled at that.

"As if that would work." But the answer Izaya gave only caused the old man to smile.

"Oh it worked pretty good on you if I remember correctly. Nice jump you did there." Izaya frowned at that comment.

Only because of that dog Shizuo actually laughed at him.

"Tch, shut up." he looked around to see if anyone was watching them. But of course in a place where only drunkards wasted themselves, there wouldn´t be anyone stalking them - which was exactly the reason why they were meeting here.

He pulled out an envelope, handing it to the old man.

"Here." The old man took and opened it whistling at the amount of money in it.

"I don´t even need to count. This is obviously more than usual, what gives?" He smiled looking questioningly at the informant with a grin.

"The situation simply is more dangerous than usual." Izaya explained. The grin vanished from the old man´s face.

"On a scale from 1 to 10 and 1 being the worst, how bad is it?"

"0." Izaya answered. The old man´s gaze darkened considerably.

"Are you serious Izaya…?" he asked, knowing exactly what the raven was pointing at.

"Dead serious." The old man nodded and pocketed the money.

"Alright. I understand. By the way in sixteen days it´s my birthday. But I can´t celebrate cause I am in the local hospital... too bad, won´t you come and visit me?" he asked eyeing the informant.

"Too bad, but I don´t think I can make it." Izaya answered. The old man looked at the raven surprised. He cleared his throat.

"Ah, my mistake, you have an important meeting there yourself, right? Oh well, you can send me flowers as an apology instead if you might. Fifty-eight would be nice." He laughed, but Izaya shook his head.

"Old man, I am serious, don´t even try." he warned. The man frowned.

"You know I love chocolate. Send me eighty-nine pralines and I will forgive you for not being there on that important day of my life." He answered sternly.

"Old man, I don´t think that-"

"Izaya." The raven shut up, noticing the glare the old man shot him.

"Eighty-nine and that´s it. If you don´t accept that now I will have to break our deal around that time."

"WHAT?! You can´t be serious!" Izaya bolted up from his seat, quickly drawing the attention of the others in the bar.

The old man stood up as well.

"I will leave the decision to you Izaya." With that he turned around and walked out of the club.

"Oi you can´t just-" Izaya started, but got cut off.

"I can and I will." These were the last words the man directed at Izaya before he finally left.

Feeling defeated, Izaya slumped down on his chair.

"God damnit… doesn´t he get it´s too dangerous?" he sighed annoyed.

That damn geezer… when would he stop trying to manipulate him?

This certainly didn´t go exactly as planned.

A calm expression replaced his annoyed one.

Well… at least now it´s safe. As long as Shiki doesn´t catch any of this, it´s going to work smoothly.

He turned his gaze back at the clock.

Oh shit, he was out pretty long… Shizuo probably got already home.

Ah.. yeah, Shizuo.

This whole thing about Shiki and his sisters totally blacked out what he had been so worried over this morning.

He still had to tell him something.

"Okay Izaya… you can do that." he murmured. But the sole thought of confessing his feelings to the blond already made him nervous.

Why was he so afraid?

Really now, there was nothing to actually fear. He would love to slap himself for his stupidity.

He knew exactly why he was that nervous.

Doing this… it went against every single principle Izaya had followed in his life so far.

His rule was to love humans, but to keep them away. At a distance. He couldn´t risk getting close to even a single one of them.

Never be friendly, never show sympathy nor feelings, keep being hated - it had always been that way.

He had always lived by that rule.

But now. He wanted to break it.

He frowned.

No. He would break it.

Hell, what was he waiting for? He was Izaya Orihara, the best information broker in Ikebukuro! He would know it firsthand if something like that were to happen!

He wasn´t the dumb and helpless teenager he had been back then. He was in control of this city.

And Shizuo.. Shizuo wasn´t helpless. Shizuo was the fucking fortissimo of Ikebukuro! If there was anyone on this planet that Izaya could dare try to have a relationship with, then it was him.

He loved Shizuo!

So why the hell did he let himself falter like that?

Determinded, he got up.

He would tell that brute now.

"That damn asshole!"

A glass suddenly came flying only centimeters apart from Izaya´s face and crashed against the wall, making him stagger.

Surprised he glared into the direction it came from.

Four obviously drunk men were sitting at a round table.

"Tch... damn drunkards…" Izaya shoved his hands into his coat´s pocket and made to move one when suddenly a very interesting name caught his attention.

"That damn bartender Heiwajima."

He turned around with a frown.

They are talking about Shizuo.

They were probably some guys he collected money from. He squinted his eyes disapprovingly.

…and they are badmouthing him.

"Dude, he is no bartender. He is a debt collector." Another one pointed out, gulping down his drink in one go.

"Who cares? He wears bartender´s clothes, so shut it." The guy defended and dropped his money in the middle of the table.

"You still going?" another one snorted and drew a new card from the stack. They were playing cards and obviously gambling with their money. A little pile of coins and banknotes was already forming.

"Of course." the guy growled and glared at the other. He chuckled.

"Oi, calm down, I just asked, no reason to glare at me like that." he added some money to he already forming pile in the middle of the table.

Izaya sat down at the counter. It wouldn´t hurt to listen in what they were talking about or maybe plotting.

He had overheard scenes like this too often.

One guy would start rambling shit about Shizuo and eventually they would set their minds on approaching and fighting him or try to do something to his brother.. etc….

Not that Izaya minded. Before he was actually pretty amused and just liked to know beforehand just who was going to get on his brute´s nerves again. Such failure-doomed attempts usually made the blond even more agitated than he already was, so Izaya found it especially amusing to tease him on a day he encountered such pricks.

Well, not now.

As of lately Izaya had come to like Shizuo more when he was happy rather than angry. Sure, he still liked to tease him sometimes… but still.

If possible he would try to avoid this.

"Where does he even get that much strength?!" one of the guys asked, taking a sip of his drink.

"Who knows… maybe he really is a monster." A dark haired man smoking a cigarette guessed.

"Or a devil." Another one added.

Izaya frowned.

… good that Shizuo didn´t hear that.

A grin crawled across the smoking man's face.

"Flash, thank you for the money guys." He suddenly said, showing his cards.

The others growled with annoyance.

"Bastard, you cheated."

"You mean just like Heiwajima?" he smirked, earning a confused look from not only his friends, but Izaya as well.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, I don´t think that guy actually has that strength, he is just using some tricks to intimidate everyone, that´s what I guess." he explained.

Surprised, Izaya cooked his eyebrow.

Okay, that was new. He didn´t believe he had heard anyone say bullshit like this so far.

"Huh? Don´t fuck with me, you and everyone else here met that monster before. He threw you across the street right?" the one who initially started this conversation stated, gulping down another drink.

That one is definitely the most drunk out of them all...

"No, I think he just uses some tricks. He is just human like us, so why should he be that strong? That's impossible! I bet he is using some kind of trick cause he enjoys seeing everyone running in fear of him."

Izaya frowned at that and clenched his fists in his pockets. That damn asshole, how dare he talked like that about Shizuo.

He doesn´t enjoy that, you asshole!

"I bet it would be easy to just overwhelm him when he doesn´t pay attention." Izaya frowned. He knew it, now they were planning on fighting him.

But the guy wasn´t finished yet.

"That bartender is probably just some idiot that got too less attention and now he uses those tricks to get it." he laughed.

Okay, now they got officially on Izaya´s nerves.

"Oi, you prick, don´t spout such crap." Izaya had gotten up from his seat and walked over to the men. Surprised by the sudden interruption to their conversation, they eyed the raven, frowning.

"Huh? Who are ya?" the one who started this whole conversation slurred.

Honestly, he was definitely the most drunk out of all... Izaya shrugged, his trademark smirk perfectly in place.

"I don´t see a need to tell scum like you my name." he explained, grinning.

He chuckled as he got exactly the reaction he wanted.

"What? You bastard, who do you think you are?!" they got up from their seats and surrounded Izaya.

The informant smirked. Oh yes, that´s the way he liked it - furious enemies were always the easiest ones to deal with.

"You have got a pretty foul mouth, bastard." One of them commented and tried to grab Izaya - of course he didn´t succeed. Before he could even touch the raven, Izaya had already flung out his knife and cut the man on his arm.

A line of red decorated the man´s hand as he staggered away surprised.

"What the-?!" The others were wiser and now kept their distance instead of charging, glaring at the raven.

Izaya laughed.

"Oi, what´s wrong? You scared? If you are already scared by me, than you shouldn´t even dare to show up before Shizu-chan!" he grinned and pointed his knife at the others.

"Don´t think you have a chance against him. You can´t hurt him in any way." before those men could even react he swiftly slipped past them, cutting their clothes in the process.

After he passed them he just turned around grinning.

Their pants fell down to the floor leaving them in nothing but their underwear.

"What the fuck?!"

Laughing Izaya watched them leaning down to get their pants up again.

"You- you will regret that!" they yelled, and rushed out of the bar, leaving very amused Izaya to laugh.

They were no better than that guy that once bugged Ryugamine and Sonohara.

He chuckled and pocketed his knife again. That was too easy. Even though he wasn´t as agile as he had been before yet, he could still pull easy stunts like this.

Especially with those drunkards.

"Oi, you." Izaya turned around. The barkeeper came out from the counter and approached him. He carried the same drink Izaya had before. He was rather tall and slim. Izaya guessed he was still in his 20´s.

"You´re pretty skilled with that knife of yours." he commented almost looking as if he admired Izaya´s action

"Quite, yes." he replied, he didn´t need the flattery, he knew how good he was. The bartender simply nodded.

"That´s on the house." he stated and offered Izaya the same drink he has had before. He took it with a smirk, not drinking of course - a free drink? Who knows what could be in there.

"Oh, what gives?" He asked smiling. The man laughed.

"Well, you just increased my income." he laughed and pointed at the table. These guys were actually stupid enough to just leave their money behind.

The bartender went to the table and started pocketing it. But instead of commenting on that he turned to Izaya again.

"So is it true? That fortissimo of Ikebukuro really has that strength?" he asked, curiosity visible in his eyes. Izaya shrugged.

"Yes, that´s right, you just can´t hurt him physically." he answered. Normally Izaya wouldn´t give out information, but hey, this was common sense. There was just no way to actually hurt Shizuo. He would know that.

"Hmmm... Interesting point. You can´t hurt him physically... but how about hurting him in a different way?" he suddenly asked, earning a suspicious look from Izaya.

"...What are you getting at?" But the man just stayed silent, a grin decorating his features as he cleaned the table. Izaya glared at the man alerted.

Somehow the guy creeped him out.

"Ne, let me ask a stupid question. Do you happen to be Orihara Izaya, the top information broker?" he suddenly asked the creepy grin still in place.

Silence.

Hah…? Where did that come from?

"So what if I were?" Izaya asked flipping his knife out again. It never was good if someone Izaya actually didn't know knew him instead. The bartender, however, wasn't intimidated at all by the blade directed at him - the opposite, he seemed as carefree as one could get.

"You know, Izaya-san, you lack information. There actually is a way to hurt Shizuo Heiwajima." he grinned leaving Izaya dumbfounded.

A way to-

"What are you taking abo-" but Izaya didn´t get to finish his sentence.

He didn´t notice the shadow lurking behind him. He didn´t hear the humming noise in the air - a tune too low to hear for a human - as he felt the sting of 100 volts burning his neck.

Now he noticed. But it was too late. His vision began to fade, the floor shaking and the last thing he saw was the crazy smirk of the bartender.

Sh..it…

He dropped to the floor.

Laughter filled the room as the bartender looked down at the now unconscious informant.

"Nighty, nighty, Izaya-san."

-Meanwhile. Shizuo's point of view-

"It´s not over yet!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

CRASH

And there he went - wrecking yet another house.

It was 8 pm.

Actually Shizuo didn´t have to work anymore. He got the guy who wanted to flee eventually, but now a lot of more people were getting on his nerves. In an futile attempt to escape his loans, the bastard had hired a few men giving them the order to fight Shizuo.

The man was caught, but those guys still kept attacking him.

The blond was pissed off.

No, more that pissed off - he was furious.

Of course Shizuo had beaten them up. Childs play, but those guys just kept coming and coming, just like bugs! No matter how many he beat up, there would always appear some more afterwards. Shizuo didn´t get away without being pestered by another one.

"YOU HAVE A FUCKING DEATH WISH?!" Shizuo roared again, spotting more of those guys, a stop sign waving over his head. Angry, he threw the object, succeeding in hitting them with it.

"Annoyinannoyingannoying..." He lit himself a cigarette and shoved his hands into his pockets, walking away from the scene.

Actually Tom-san had already given him the rest of the day off, since they captured the mentioned man, but with these guys blocking the way he had already wasted a couple hours just on beating them…!

Fuming, he strolled alongside the street.

God damnit, he hated this, he destroyed so many things today.

And he hated violence!

Why the hell couldn´t those idiots just leave him alone?!

"Annoyingannoyingannoying..." he continued chanting the word like a mantra, while walking down the road.

Only the sudden roar of a motorcycle made him turn his head. As expected, Celty was the one approaching the blond. Spotting him from afar she quickly drove over.

(Hello, Shizuo. Is everthing okay?) She typed on her PDA the second she got off her bike.

"Hey. Yeah, kinda." Aaahhh... bad timing, he was in a really bad mood. Celty seemed to notice and started typing again.

(Did something happen?) she asked holding out her device.

Shizuo frowned.

"Na, stupid people getting on my nerves, that´s all." he growled taking a drag from his cigarette. Celty nodded.

(Yeah, I heard about that. You wrecked half of the city... Don´t let them anger you too much.) Shizuo sighed at the response.

"Easier said than done..."

Whenever those shitheads appeared, he couldn´t help himself, but just get angry. He glanced at Celty.

"Wait, were you looking for me because of that...?" Celty nodded. Shizuo sighed.

"You didn´t need to do that."

(I was worried something might have happened, for you to destroy the city to that degree.)

"Nah, don't worry, everthing's okay." He took another drag from his cigarette. Celty tilted her helmet, thinking.

Only after a while she slowly started typing again.

(Shizuo, can I ask you a question?) He chuckled.

"Of course, spill it."

(How is it going between you and … Izaya?) Shizuo almost choked on his cigarette as he read the question.

"Eh..?" Oh... he didn´t see that coming. Damn... She was sharp.

He scratched his head awkwardly.

Well... in fact... how was it going between him and the flea?

Shit... he didn´t know. Yesterday he just kissed him without permission! Sure he said it was okay, but he was drunk yesterday...

Maybe he woke up today and got disgusted by it? Or was angry?

He did act quite strange in the morning now that he thought of it.

A sigh escaped his lips. Ah shit, he shouldn´t have done that...

He shouldn´t have challenged Izaya to drink with him in the first place.

And god, he shouldn't have kissed him! Especially not like that...!

Suddenly he noticed that Celty was waving her PDA in front of his face.

"Ah sorry, I was thinking." He apologized. She typed again.

(Did something happen between you two?) Shizuo hesitated and looked away nervously.

"Yeah... kind of. I... I kissed the flea."

Clack

Surprised by the sound Shizuo looked back at Celty.

She had dropped her PDA. Hectically she used her shadows to pick it up and started typing away again before literally shoving it into his face.

(What?! You kissed him?! How did he react?!)

How he reacted...?

God, he reacted fucking arousing...! He kissed him back! Sighing, Shizuo rubbed his temples.

He still remembered how it felt when the flea wrapped his arms around his neck, the way Shizuo pressed him down into the floor, feeling every movement of Izaya's panting hot figure, those moist soft lips on his own, and-

He gulped.

…

Fuck... the way he actually moaned his name...!

Shit... he was getting aroused just thinking about it…!

But it was bad. Really bad, what he had done...

"That time he was drunk... And we didn´t get to speak since then... I don´t know how he will react to it... or better to me today..." he answered frustrated, throwing the cigarette on the pavement and stepping on it.

Damnit, he shouldn't have done that, he will never really see the flea act like this with him when he is sober!

But now... Now that he knew what it would be like...

He frowned, utterly defeated and gripped his forehead.

"Shit... I love him. I love him so much. I wanna be more than just friends. I want to kiss him, I want to hold him, I want to make love to him... I want him to love me back! But..." his shoulders dropped.

There was no way that would ever happen...

Not bearing the sad sight of Shizuo, Celty quickly started typing again.

(Don't say that! Maybe it will happen. Who knows? You said you kissed Izaya, right? Well, as far as you told me, it seems he didn't struggle that moment, so maybe he isn't as opposed to this as you think he is.) She tried, intending to comfort the blond, but Shizuo just shook his head.

"No Celty, he was drunk, he would have never done that if he wasn't." Shizuo clarified.

(You don't know that! Talk to him! )

"He will just tell me to get lost or forget about it anyway..." Shizuo mumbled, now seriously getting depressed after he said the most probable truth out loud.

Celty shook her helmet energetically.

(Maybe he won't! Ask!)

Shizuo sighed. He was unnecessarily worrying Celty...

"Alright, I will ask." He said, telling the dullahan what she wanted to hear. He didn't plan on doing so at all though. She nodded satisfied.

(Yes, do that. I don't think he will tell you to get lost honestly. Just try.)

I am not too sure about that...

He nodded.

(Good. Don't worry Shizuo, everything will turn out- Darling you only have 10 more minutes~!) Confused Shizuo looked at the PDA, another message had appeared. He chuckled as a few more followed.

"Celty I think your boyfriend misses you." Not getting what he meant Celty looked at her device. Shizuo chuckled at her surprised reaction.

(Ah, sorry Shizuo. It's just Shinra, he-) Shizuo interrupted her typing with a smile.

"It's fine, go home Celty." She tilted her head questioningly.

(Are you sure?)

"Sure."

(Okay, but do as I told you okay?) He waved his hand dismissively.

"Yeah, yeah now go before that stupid doctor comes to get you himself." She chuckled, or at least Shizuo thought she did 'cause her shoulders were shaking in amusement.

Really now, he shouldn't make her worry about him so much...

"...Celty." He called once more. She was already sitting on her bike and turned her helmet. Shizuo smiled.

"Thanks."

She typed on her PDA once more.

(No problem. :) ) then she took off. Shizuo silently watched her disappear into the night.

He sighed. Ask him about it, huh?

Well... Maybe he really should ask. At least then he would know what Izaya really thought.

He took a look at his clock.

"Woah, that late?!" it was already 9 pm. Hurriedly he turned around, quickly walking down the road.

Damn, he said he would only be gone for a little while, now he was gone the entire day!

Izaya would...

...

No... Izaya probably wouldn´t even care. After all it´s not like he would miss me...

...

Or would he?

He stopped shortly as a certain memory popped up in his head. This morning when he woke up, he wasn´t sure if he just dreamt it and wasn´t completely awake, but... the flea... he had clung to his shirt awake. Hadn´t he?

No, maybe he was clinging to his shirt while sleeping... but he was looking at him wasn´t he?

Why would he do that?

And if Shizuo wasn´t hallucinating he actually thought he felt the flea snuggle to him...

Maybe Celty was right...?

He shook his head, dismissing the idea.

Nah... that´s wishful thinking. I have to stick to reality. He probably really just dreamt that.

It didn't take him long to get to their apartment. After all he had already been on his way home. Only about five minutes later he stood in front of the door. To his surprise, however, the lights were out.

Weird.

He entered the apartment.

"Izaya?" Shizuo called.

No answer.

Did he go out again? He frowned. It´s already late...

What if something happened...? Worried, he looked to the door, almost as if he was waiting for the flea to come through it any moment. But of course he didn´t. Agitated he sat down on the couch, lighting himself yet another cigarette.

"Tch, damn flea…. always worrying me." he got his phone out. Since the incident at the warehouse Shizuo had saved Izaya´s number - just in case.

He called, nervous.

But the raven didn´t pick up.

His frown deepened considerably. Izaya ALWAYS had his damn phone with him... except-

His expression turned anxious and he got up, grabbing his vest again.

...Except something happened to him.

Just in case he was wrong, and the flea would come home - what he really hoped for - he wrote a note, dropped it on the table and left the apartment.

I left searching for you. Prepare to get your ass handed to you if you´re just late.

-Shizuo

And after that he went out.

-12pm-

\- The number you dialed is currently unavailable, please-

"Tch, damn flea." Annoyed Shizuo cut the line off.

Where was that damn louse? And why the hell didn´t he pick up?

It´s been about two hours since he left searching for the flea. Of course the informant could be everywhere, it was like searching for the needle in the haystack, but still he couldn't shake off the feeling that something might have happened.

He had stopped by Simon´s. He didn´t see Izaya. He also called Shinra, but he had no clue.

Where?!

Maybe he was already home? Nah, he would have called then, he left him a note after all.

Maybe-

...

Wait.

Did... did he do that on purpose?

Maybe he really is angry, or disgusted, and just... left.

Woah... That thought just now hurt more than any shot to the body he had taken over the years.

Did... Did Izaya really leave?

Would he really do that?

...

He did try that before... But at that time he thought Shizuo betrayed him. And the second time after Shizuo got shot he stayed in Ikebukuro at least, just avoiding him.

He... He wouldn't just leave… would he?

Suddenly his phone started ringing, startling him out of his thoughts.

A wave of relief washed over him as he read who the incoming call was – Izaya.

Agitated he picked up.

"Izaya! Where the hell are you?" he almost yelled at him.

"Woah, sorry I am not Izaya." Confused and disappointed Shizuo looked at his phone again. Nope, this was the flea´s number.

Eh?

Did his phone mixed up numbers…? He sighed annoyed.

"What the hell... Okay, who are you?" he asked.

"Oh no-one really, Shizuo-kun. Just someone who hates you." Now, that answer confused him even more.

"...what?" Laughter was heard on the receiving end.

"You know, you did a lot of things you should not have done. And so I and some of my friends want to pay you back."

This time it was Shizuo´s turn to laugh.

"Tch. Sure, bring it on. I will just beat you up anyway." the laughing stopped shortly.

"Yeah, you´re right, we wouldn´t even stand a chance…so we will take our revenge another way…" he chuckled again.

"Hah..?" What the hell was that guy talking about? Seriously got on his nerves. He should search for Izaya instead of dealing with this idiot. He has had enough of people wanting to fight him today.

"Na, Heiwajima-kun... What´s the most important thing to you right now?"

Shizuo frowned.

Most important thing…?

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked annoyed. Seriously. He was close to hanging up.

"Haha… come on, think about it." he laughed a little crazily for a longer time. Suddenly he turned silent as Shizuo didn´t respond.

"Still no clue? Aww, that´s disappointing. Maybe I should give you a hint since I don´t think you want to lose this precious something, ne?"

"What precious something?! Fuck it, I am hanging up no-"

"Aren´t you searching for something?" The blond's eyes widened a fraction at this question.

Searchi-

... No.

Overly amused giggling was heard.

"You are~ I knew it. Ne, think about it, what phone am I calling you with...? Hmm? "Shizu-chan"~?"

Shizuo froze as he heard his nickname from the stranger.

Realization made his stomach churn.

His most precious "thing".

No mistake.

They got Izaya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwahahaha~ XD Sorry, I just HAD to make that a cliffhanger... XD For several reasons. XD


	18. Finally

-both point of view-

They had Izaya.

THEY FUCKING HAD IZAYA!

"... Oh? No reaction? Too shocked to reply?" these words immediately snapped Shizuo out of his frozen state.

"YOU DAMN BASTARD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO IZAYA?!" he yelled into his phone- to say he was raging was more than a great underestimation.

He was beyond furious.

The other end, however didn´t seem to be intimidated by his outburst at all.

Quite the opposite- heartfelt laughter was heard, making Shizuo growl.

You´re going to be so dead when I find you…!

"Ahahaha, that´s more like it! I think we hit the jackpot! Oi, take off the tape!" Shizuo paused.

Tape?

"You know..." the guy started, "We figured no-one could really actually hurt you. I mean some guys even shot you and you still didn´t end up dead. So we are doing this a little different."

A deep frown decorated Shizuo´s face in a second.

He didn´t like the way the guy said that.

Not at all.

"Doing what?" he questioned, but considering they had Izaya, he already had a really bad feeling about this.

"Getting revenge my dear debt collector. You should have reconsidered beating some of us up twice... You know, there were some rumors going around- "Heiwajima and Orihara became friends", "Heiwajima and Orihara don´t fight anymore"- "Heiwajima and Orihara are living together" etc, etc…." the guy paused. "I think I figured something out to actually hurt you~" he laughed.

Shizuo was about to ask the guy what he meant when he suddenly heard some commotion in the background.

"Oi let go!"

His eyes widened.

"Izaya...!" no mistake, that voice... that was Izaya!

Laughter was heard yet again.

"It seems I was correct- this will be fun~ You know what we are going to do...?" he paused for a moment, giggling crazy, only making Shizuo even more anxious. "... we plan to kill the most precious person to you, while you´re listening on the phone... cruelly and slowly. ~

Suddenly time seemed to freeze.

…What..?

"We want you to suffer-

to hear him scream-

and cry-

and beg for us to stop-

while we torture him-

hurt him-

in the most cruel ways-

Until. He. Dies.

Only because that would be a much worse punishment than any wound we could ever inflict on you." He finished, a devilish grin placed neatly on his crazy expression.

Shizuo froze in place at the words spoken to him.

No…!

They plan to hurt Izaya!

They plan to kill Izaya!

A sudden clearing of the throat was heard over the phone and almost casually the guy continued speaking in a bored voice. "Ah, just to add, if you hang up, we will just kill him off immediately. We want to make sure you listen to his pain until the very end after all. We wanna have our fun hearing you squirm too, ne Izaya-kun~?"

Izaya winced at the use of his name in such a predatory manner.

"You sick bastard!" he spat tugging on his bond wrists.

But no chance, the ropes didn´t budge or loosen in any way, no matter how hard he tried to wriggle his hands out of the rope.

The knot was too tight.

And he didn´t even have his knifes anymore! That bartender and his friend did a much better job of tying him up than those guys at the warehouse!

Anxious, he watched the guy phoning Shizuo and his companion- who was just sitting on a chair, leaning on his elbow, as he grinned at him.

"Izaya!" he could hear Shizuo´s voice over the device, that bartender had turned him on loudspeaker of course, so that his "friend" could hear the debt collector too.

"Shizuo, I can´t escape! You have to find me somehow!" Izaya shouted in the direction of the phone.

Shizuo heard the flea, and the knot already forming in his stomach became even tighter.

He couldn´t escape?!

How the hell was he supposed to even-?!

"Oi who allowed you to speak hah?!" Shizuo stopped in his thoughts as he heard that dangerous voice again.

Izaya´s head snapped towards the bartender. He gulped, the expression he wore was angry.

Shit…!

He nodded towards his friend and as if on cue, the guy suddenly got up from his seat and approached the raven. Izaya tugged on his bindings yet again, he tried to get away, but it was futile, being tied tightly to a pipe on the wall in this room he had no chance to escape.

He couldn´t evade as the guy lifted his foot and kicked him hard in the stomach. He gasped in pain and coughed as he leaned back on the wall behind him.

A glare was shot at the guy.

Fuck! That hurt!

Shizuo only heard a muffled gasp from the phone and got incredibly anxious.

What did they do?!

"Oi, Izaya?!" Shit!

The guy said he would torture the flea until he died-

Izaya said he couldn´t escape-

Izaya said he had to find him- but how?!

HOW?!

He looked around. He had to find him.

But... where?! Where the heck should he even start to search?!

"Izaya, where are you?!" he tried, maybe getting another clue so he knew where he should start. A little cough was heard, and the flea answered.

"I don't know, they knocked me out before bringing me-"

"Oi, I thought I said you should shut the fuck up!" Another muffled scream was heard. Shizuo gripped his phone tightly, almost crushing it as he pressed it to his ear.

Fuck!

Izaya squirmed, he had dropped to the floor. Hands still bound back around the pipe.

Damn... that guy´s kicks fucking hurt!

He decided to keep his mouth shut for now. And instead scanned his surroundings as the guy ceased his beating momentarily.

He only woke up a few minutes ago and his attention was more drawn to that bartender phoning Shizuo than anything else.

Where am I?!

This was just a small white room containing no furniture or any other signs that would indicate just where he was in any way.

This wasn´t even a hall or any shit like that!

If it was at least huge, or somehow recognizable, but no! This was just a plain white room! Only a door and window closed with curtains where in here, as well as the one chair the bartender´s friend was now taking a seat on again- and a table.

Izaya frowned as he looked at that particular table standing in the opposite corner of the room.

There was something on it. A box. And it was filled with some… medical devices…

Izaya gulped, he couldn´t help but feel afraid… what.. What the hell did they plan to do to him?!

Izaya-kun~ We are going to play~

The raven cringed at the memory. Shit... this was bad. This was really, really bad. He could tell he was starting to panic, his breathing got ragged and all his senses told him to run, but he couldn´t, he was caught, he couldn´t..

Izaya gulped.

Shit... this is bad!

Really bad…!

He honestly felt like crying.

A room like this... in a city like Ikebukuro... he could be anywhere!

Suddenly that other guy approached him yet again, and kicked him in his ribs. Izaya coughed, and curled up. Shizuo heard the pained gasp.

Where?!

WHERE?!

Where am I?!

Where is he?!

Almost the same thoughts crossed each of their minds as Shizuo dashed down the streets of Ikebukuro.

Heartfelt laughter was heard on the other side again. Izaya´s painful gasps as well.

Shizuo could tell he was trying to stay silent.

"Haha, my bad, I think I hurt him a little." The guy phoning him suddenly voiced. Shizuo gritted his teeth at the amused sound his voice carried.

"Just you wait, I am going to find you and then I am going to kill you!" he announced- only drawing more laughter from the guy.

"Oh, are you threatening me...? Tsts, that´s not nice Shizu-chan... I think Izaya needs to be punished now..."

"Wait, what?!" Shizuo´s expression changed from incredibly furious to worried again.

"No! Stop!" he pleaded- to no avail of course.

Izaya had tilted his head, having heard his name from the guy again and eyed him anxiously.

The guy turned around and got something from the table.

A knife.

Izaya´s eyes widened.

No…!

The guy approached him slowly.

Izaya tried to get away, and tugged on his fetters, but it was no use.

He couldn´t get away!

He couldn´t flee!

He couldn´t-

A scream tore from his lips as the guy leaned down and brought the blade to his upper arm, slowly slicing deep into his flesh.

An expression similar to Izaya´s pained one, painted Shizuo´s face as he heard the agonizing scream of his beloved.

"Stop it!" Shizuo pleaded. But of course they didn´t. Laughter was heard while Izaya´s painful screams continued relentlessly.

Shit..!

He dashed off. He had no idea where to run, no idea where to search... but he couldn´t just stand there and do nothing while his raven was being tortured…!

Desperate, he ran through the streets. Where?!

Where is he?!

He had to find him!

He had to!

Otherwise-

"Hello Shizu-chan? Did you hang up already?" Instantly he stopped in his tracks, fear flashed through his eyes.

"NO!" he yelled immediately. "I AM LISTENING! DON`T KILL IZAYA!"

"Haha, no need to answer so passionately!" the guy laughed.

FUCK!

Shizuo punched the wall of a store next to him out of frustration.

That sick bastard had fun torturing Izaya and he could do nothing!

He gritted his teeth and continued to run... he had to find him!

He had to!

The flea´s screams were loud, maybe he would hear him?!

From outside?!

He didn´t know!

He didn´t know what fucking else to do!

Running around and perking his ears for Izaya´s screams was the only thing that came to mind!

He knew he couldn´t do anything else!

He didn´t know where to search!

He didn´t-

"Oi Shizu-chan, that´s not fun at all, why don´t we hear you squirming more?" the guy suddenly sighed. "Ah, I know, let´s take the torture to the next level." He announced sounding almost cheerfully.

"What?! Oi stop it! Whatever you want to do!" Shizuo tried, but to no avail of course.

Suddenly he heard a strange noise.

"What are you doing?" a huffing voice was heard. Izaya´s voice!

He suddenly heard him much more clearly.

He could hear the guy calling him from the background now instead.

"Just so you know, I taped the phone to Izaya's head, now you can hear him even better~"

Izaya, despite being scared shitless, managed to glare at the bastard.

A mistake.

The guy didn´t like Izaya´s expression at all.

"Oh still looking like that~? I will make you drop that cocky look of yours… Oi! Do it."

Suddenly the other guy approached Izaya again.

"What? Are you going to hit or cut me again?" he asked, bracing himself for either to come. The bartender, however shook his head- smiling again.

Before the informant knew it the guy leaned forward and gripped the raven´s neck.

Izaya´s eyes widened.

"Let´s see how long you can hold your breath~" the guy grinned- and squeezed.

Izaya gasped as he felt the pressure on his throat.

He tried to gasp for air, but none of the needed oxygen filled his lung.

The guy was pressing too hard, he couldn´t breathe!

He really couldn´t breathe!

He tried to struggle, to kick the guy, but to no avail- he didn´t even seem to mind the kicks Izaya threw at him.

"le- g..o... " Izaya struggled, tried to escape, but it was no use.

"STOP IT!" he could hear Shizuo´s yell over the phone.

The guy laughed, having heard it as well, and squeezed tighter.

Black spots started to invade Izaya´s vision as his need for air became urgent.

Shizuo could only hear the muffled noises Izaya gave and the insane giggling of the guys torturing him.

He could only guess what they were doing from the strangled noise Izaya made.

"OI, STOP IT!" he yelled desperately. Appreciated whistling was heard over the phone.

"Oh my, you actually say something! That´s the way I want it! Oi, grab stronger!"

"NO! STOP IT!"

No, no, no!

How? He wanted to help him! Shit, he couldn´t, he could only listen to Izaya´s pain, he felt helpless!

Tears of frustration gathered in his eyes.

"Stop it...! Please..!" he begged. The laughter stopped.

Izaya´s struggling… had ceased.

Shizuo´s heart almost stopped as he didn´t hear the raven´s voice anymore.

"IZAYA!"

Noticing the raven´s consciousness nearly slipping away the bartender signed his friend to stop and laughed.

"Whops, wait, we don´t want our little guest to leave this world yet." He announced. Izaya gasped and coughed as he was finally released from the grip. Tears sprang to his eyes as he inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with the needed air.

"YOU DAM-!"

"Ara, are you threatening me again~?" the bartender grinned.

… Silence.

Izaya looked up, still panting, the guy was grinning- Shizuo… had shut up.

Damn.

A sad smile tugged at Izaya´s mouth.

… if he just hadn´t stuck his nose in business where it didn´t belong for once-

If he had just left that bar-

If he just…

If he just told the brute in the morning he loved him… maybe things wouldn´t have come this way…

Damn…

Frantically Shizuo ran down he streets. His lungs were burning by now and his feet had already become heavy, but he couldn´t waste any time!

He had to find him!

Soon!

He had to!

Or else…!

"DAMNIT!" he stopped, frustrated under a lamp post and punched it- knocking out the light- and making it fall over.

Where?!

Just where should he search?!

He felt a familiar sting as he frantically wiped at his eyes.

Shit… he could be everywhere!

What if he didn´t find him…?

What if..

Izaya…

Iterashai Iterashai~

Shizuo barely heard the sound of Simon´s advertisement…

Maybe he could ask the Russian if he knew something?

No… he already asked him before when he was still searching for Izaya without knowing what happened.

Iterashai~ Iterashai~

He sighed. It seemed Simon had tuned down his damn advertising sign.

It wasn´t as loud as bef-

Wait-

…

Suddenly his eyes widened.

Staggered, he backed away from the wall and looked around.

He wasn´t near that sushi shop! The opposite!

If anything he was too far away to even be able to hea-

Realization hit him like lightning as he dashed off.

"It seems your cocky expression vanished, ne~? Izaya-kun~?" the bartender laughed. Izaya gulped, bracing himself for whatever that guy was going to do to him now.

"Oi, get the ´instruments´." Izaya shivered involuntarily at the sound of the bartender´s voice as he gave his friend the order. He had a really bad feeling about what was going to happen now...

"You know, we have lots of really sharp and interesting things… for example this." The guy suddenly started his explanation and showed him some kind of long metallic knife ending in a kind of half moon shape.

Izaya eyed the thing rather uneasy.

"Do you know, what this is used for~?" the guy grinned. Izaya shook his head- maybe a bit too fast, giving his anxiety away.

"No, but I think I will pass on that information, thank you." He tried, hoping to get some more time.

"Oh you don´t want to know? But as an information broker, shouldn´t you know everything~?" he chuckled, Izaya frowned.

He twisted that mysterious thing in his hand and stared at it almost lovingly.

"I think, I will tell you either way. You know, your cute shiny little eyes…" A maniacal grin was flashed towards the raven.

"…I can cut them out with it~"

…

Izaya´s eyes widened.

No.

Disbelieving he stared at the guy.

He... he was going to... no!

"You- you´re kidding right?" Izaya tried to cover his panicking voice, but was not really successful with it. The guy just laughed.

"Haha, do I look like I am kidding~? Ah, don´t worry Heiwajima-kun, he won´t die of this… yet. We have way more to do after this…" he giggled crazy and slowly approached Izaya.

The raven who had been frozen in shock of the threat slightly began to move.

"n..o…"he whispered, slightly tugging at his wrists. The guy just grinned.

"…no." he tugged stronger.

"No!" he didn´t want that!

"NO!" he started to violently pull at his bonds, trying to get them loose.

"STOP IT!" he yelled. He could feel the blood dripping down his wrists from being rubbed against the rope.

"STAY AWAY!" he cried, starting to kick around to prevent him from coming nearer. However his friend was still there and quickly held him down.

"NO! DON`T !" he yelled, but he couldn´t move!

He couldn´t!

"STOP IT!" He couldn´t escape!

"DON`T ! DON-!" the bartender leaned down and gripped Izaya´s chin, forcefully turning it towards his face. Hot tears were spilling as he panicking eyed the metallic device in the guy´s other hand.

"What´s that~? A crying informant~? That´s rare for sure."

Izaya squeezed his eyes shut, and tried to shake his head, to prevent him from doing anything, but to no avail, the grip on his chin was too strong.

"No… Shizuo…help me…!" he cried. But Shizuo didn´t answer. The guy laughed.

"Haha! Your little Shizuo-kun can´t help you! Maybe he even hung up!" he giggled amused by this turn of events.

"He probably couldn´t stand this anymore…" he chuckled.

"Shizuo…!" Izaya hiccupped. No he didn´t believe that, Shizuo wouldn´t leave him alone!

"Okay, and now… let´s finish this –" Izaya´s eyes shot back open again- that thing was only centimeters away from his eyes!

"NO! Shizuo! Please save me… Shizuo!" he panicked, frantically he tried to do anything, shake his head, bite the approaching hand, anything…!

"Shizuo!" he squeezed his eyes shut again.

"SHIZUO!" but to no avail-

The cool metal touched his eyelids.

"SHIZUOOOO!"

CRASH

Izaya´s eyes shot open again-

The bartender turned around.

He couldn´t believe his eyes.

"Shizu-"

"Heiwajima?! How did you-?!" but neither of them got to finish their sentence.

It didn´t even take a second, not even a heartbeat for Shizuo to get across the room.

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!" he yelled as he punched the guy in the face.

He threw him out the window.

Glass shattered, fell to the floor, even sliced his hands-

Not that he noticed.

He didn´t care if he was on the 4th floor of a building, for all that guy had done to his flea he hoped he died from the impact.

He stepped forward, and jerked the second guy away from Izaya- he joined the first on his fall.

He wasn´t even a match for the blond.

They both weren´t!

In no way- and still!

He turned around. Blood was dripping down Izaya´s left arm.

"Izaya, are you alright?!" he asked worried quickly leaning down and freeing the raven of the ropes.

The flea was just staring at him in disbelief.

Like he couldn´t comprehend, what just happened. He nodded slightly.

Shizuo frowned.

"Are you really alright?!" the way Izaya didn´t say anything drove him nuts.

Another nod. Suddenly tears started dripping from Izaya´s face.

Shizuo´s expression fell.

"O-oi Izaya?!" he knelt down and gripped Izaya on his shoulders. "Where does it hurt?! What did they do?! How ba-"

"I´m okay..." Izaya interrupted crying, rubbing at his eyes, but the tears didn´t stop. Shizuo frowned.

"You don´t look like-"

"I said I am okay! I was just.. just scared…" his voice faded out.

Shit.. that just now.. that thing with cutting his eyes out…! Izaya shivered.

Damn he nearly…

if Shizuo had come a minute later... he...

He would have…!

"Shit…" frustrated he rubbed his eyes with his sleeve, those damn tears wouldn´t stop...!

Those damn tear-

Suddenly he was prevented from rubbing. A hand grabbed his own and he found himself being tugged forward-being engulfed in a warm embrace.

"Shhh.. it´s over… I am here." Shizuo tried soothing the flea, while hugging him closely.

He could feel the flea shiver, he could feel how cold he was, he could feel the tears wetting his shirt.

He could feel the fear still lingering in Izaya.

Shizuo tightened his grip and stroked the back of his head, trying to calm him.

"It´s over." He repeated. Izaya nodded.

"How.. how did you-" he suddenly started, voice cracking a bit. Shizuo knew what he wanted to ask.

"Simon´s advertisment. I heard it, at first I didn´t think anything of it, but then I noticed, that I wasn´t even near his restaurant. I realized I heard it from the phone and rushed over here, then I heard … your screams…" he frowned.

Shit... he heard those.

He heard how panicked Izaya sounded when he called his name!

"Damnit…!" he hugged him tighter. This was his fault!

These guys wanted to hurt him and did it this way! He took a look at Izaya´s body.

He could see them… the cuts on his arms. The bruises on his skin. What if he had come later? Or worse.. too late..?!

He tightened his grip on the flea.

Only because of him…

"I am so sorry." he voiced. Izaya paused crying and backed away a bit, so he could see Shizuo´s face.

"Why are you apologizing…?" he asked, rubbing away his tears.

"Because it was my fault! … They wanted to have their revenge with me and used you to… to fulfill that… !" he tugged the raven back, capturing him in his arms.

"I am so sorry. If I weren´t…" Izaya understood. He knew the blond felt responsible for this.. but he wasn´t. Izaya shook his head and hugged the blond back.

"No it´s not your fault Shizuo, only because I was in that bar they even-"

"Nonsense!" Staggered by the angry sound of his voice Izaya backed away again. Shizuo loosened his grip. He avoided to look him in the eyes.

"Shizuo…?" he noticed Shizuo scanning his body. Seeing that he looked down himself. Well yes he had a few cuts on his arms, and probably some nasty dark bruises, but…

"You are hurt." Izaya almost flinched at the way Shizuo´s voice sounded so accusing of himself, filled with so much self hate.

"Shizuo, that´s not serious. You saved me just in time and-" he tried, and tried to look Shizuo into the eyes, but he refused, and suddenly, but gently shoved Izaya away.

"You are hurt because of me…" he whispered, and stood up- leaving Izaya to stare at him.

Confused Izaya looked at the blond.

"Shizuo? What-" he tried, but was almost immediately interrupted by two words, that left him staggered.

"Good bye."

...

He sat there like frozen.

"…huh…?" What the hell did Shizuo just say…?

"I won´t ever see you again." He explained further, while turning around to move for the door he came through just minutes ago.

Izaya couldn´t believe it. He couldn´t grasp it even.

Just what…?

What was that protozoan doing?!

"Wait, what- what are you saying?!" he asked, getting up himself.

"You don´t need a bodyguard who can´t protect you…" Shizuo frowned- "… but put you in danger instead."

That damn asshole. He wanted to hurt him. Him! Shizuo Heiwajima!

And ony because of that fact Izaya got involved with this!

Izaya stared at the blond, for once really at a loss for words.

"Oi, what are you saying? That joke is not funny Shizuo." he tried, tugging at Shizuo´s sleeve, but he flinched it away.

He was still avoiding to look him into the eyes.

Izaya didn´t get it. Was he really going to just... to just...!

"You- didn´t you say you definitely wouldn´t leave me alone?! What happened to that promise? I thought you loved me?!" he shouted, anger taking the better of him.

The brute couldn´t just leave him like that! He couldn´t!

He wouldn´t allow that!

Shizuo looked at Izaya. If he didn´t know it better he would say the flea looked hurt by his words. He sighed.

"That´s true, I love you Izaya... but... but if that´s gonna be the result of that, I prefer to disappear from your life over you getting hurt..." he glanced sadly at the raven, and turned around.

He had to leave, he couldn´t stand this anymore. However Izaya didn´t seem to plan on letting him go like that.

"But that was just a coincidence! It was my own fault! I picked a fight with these guys, I didn´t leave the bar that time, I didn´t notice that guy sneaking up on me, I-" Izaya paused as the blond made to leave.

"OI!" he yelled. But Shizuo didn´t stop.

"I ´m sorry…" the blond repeated instead- and went to the door.

Izaya´s eyes widened.

No!

NO!

He wouldn´t just let him leave like that!

Before he knew it the raven had lunged forward, and trapped the blond in a rather awkward hug from behind.

"Don´t go!" he yelled, clinging to the debt collector. Shizuo frowned, and tried to pry Izaya´s hands off him.

"Izaya-"

"I LOVE YOU!"

He froze.

Wait... what?

Shizuo stopped trying to get Izaya´s hands off, and instead loosened his grip on them. They immediately sneaked around his waist and he could feel the raven hide his face in his back.

"Shizuo, I love you!" he repeated. He wouldn´t let go of the brute- never!

He finally had made up his mind, he finally was willing to let go of his past- he finally fell in love with him!

"I really, love you!" he repeated, he could feel the familiar stinging feeling from before in his eyes.

But he wasn´t afraid because of what happened that moment- not because of those guys, no- but because of what Shizuo was gonna do.

"Don´t go! If you do, I won´t know what to do! I don´t want to lose you- I-" he tightened his grip on the blond.

Shizuo couldn´t believe his ears. He would have turned around to look at the flea, to see Izaya´s expression, to see if he really meant it, but he was clinging to him so tight, he would have to literally pry the informant off him to see.

"I love you…okay?!" Izaya suddenly repeated yet again- this time though it sounded more like a cry than a confession.

"Izaya... are you serious..?" Shizuo couldn´t help but ask again. He couldn´t believe it.

He thought the flea hated him.

He thought-

Suddenly the raven let go of him and stepped in front of Shizuo. He was glaring.

Annoyed he gritted his teeth. God damn that stupid protozoan!

"Could you please choose some other time to be that dense?!" he asked angry, not really sounding convincing though, since tears were still trickling down his face.

"I said, I love you! Get it through your head!" Izaya clarified, getting pissed off by the look the blond gave him.

God damn it, what else should he do to make Shizuo believe-

Suddenly he knew a way.

To say Shizuo was surprised would have been a serious underestimation- he was completely dumbfounded when suddenly soft and warm lips found their way to his own.

Izaya- was kissing him.

When they were on the ship, what had Shizuo done to convince him of the honesty of his feelings?

Kissed him!

So now he was just gonna do the fucking same!

"Iza-"

Before Shizuo knew it, a tongue not belonging to him had found its way into his mouth, deliciously playing with his own.

Crimson determined eyes locked with golden confused one´s as the two stared in each other´s gaze.

Shizuo´s look softened, as he understood and timidly wrapped his arms around the raven to return the kiss.

Softly, but in a way that still made clear, who was the dominating one here, he inserted his tongue into Izaya´s mouth, deepening the kiss.

Izaya smiled slightly and complied, melting into the much too tender, and heartfelt action.

Lips were moving passionately against each other- but this was so much more than just a normal kiss.

And they both knew it.

Izaya loved Shizuo- and Shizuo loved Izaya.

This wasn´t an accidental kiss like when they were drunk. This wasn´t a desperate kiss anymore, proving one´s love like the one on the ship. This had turned out different.

This was different.

This was a kiss out of love.

After a few moments Izaya backed away again, slightly nibbling on Shizuo´s lips before he broke the kiss.

"Do you get it now?" he asked, calmer, but inwardly still slightly anxious. With the blond he could never know.. maybe he would do something unpredictable again…

He leaned forward.

"I love you..." He hid his face in Shizuo´s chest as he mumbled these words again.

"So, don´t leave me…" His voice was soft, but pleading.

Shizuo couldn´t even describe the way those words made him feel. Those words, he never ever thought he would hear from the raven.

Never.

But now- here he was.

He felt like dreaming. But even if it was a dream, he didn´t want to wake up from this sweet bliss.

No, he wouldn´t go.

"I won´t..." he answered, tightening his hug.

"Good." Izaya replied. Shizuo still had his arms around Izaya- he couldn´t find any reason to loosen his embrace.

"But I am sorry…" Another kiss from Izaya efficiently shut him up- he had sneaked his arms around Shizuo´s neck now as well.

"Don´t be…" he mumbled against his lips.

"But I-" Shizuo wasn´t able to finish his words, as the raven leaned up again, this time not just pecking- but going for a real kiss. Shizuo readily complied as he felt the tongue press against his lips for entrance.

He flinched a bit surprised when he felt the raven bit his tongue though. Izaya broke the kiss slightly smiling and placed a finger onto Shizuo´s forhead daringly.

"No. But." he clarified trying to sound scolding. He didn´t really succeed though.

Shizuo noticed the raven´s smile tugging at his lips, he noticed the way Izaya seemed genuinely happy.

Shizuo´s eyes softened-

"Izaya... I love you..." he mumbled, tightening his grip on his flea.

"I know..." he whispered, connecting their lips again. No more words needed to be exchanged.

Everything was said, any things being left unsaid were exchanged with their eyes as they met for another passionate kiss.

But this time it didn´t stay timid. This time it was filled with love, yes- but also with something else.

Lips moved against each other, slight panting filled the room in a matter of seconds, and before they knew it- the kiss- turned intoxicating.

Izaya could feel Shizuo´s body heat, still being forced against the blond- he could feel his hands moving along his back, sending pleasant shivers down his spine.

He could feel the way Shizuo deepened the kiss, made it more passionately- he could almost feel the way this kiss screamed for more-

And Shizuo could feel it too, the lust Izaya stared at him with, the way Izaya tugged harshly on the backside of his head to press them closer together-

He didn´t think it was possible to be any closer than they were.

Before he knew it one of Shizuo´s hands had removed itself from his back and started trailing under the front of his shirt. A slight gasp escaped Izaya´s lips as the hand slowly moved upwards

Fuck..! That… that feeling…!

He wanted more of this!

No matter where the blond touched it literally set his body on flames.

And when those pleasuring hands finally found their way up to his chest Izaya could feel his legs wobble as pleasure started to take over his system- and Shizuo noticed too.

Their hands were still sliding over each other, roaming around their bodies, searching for more heat, as they stumbled through he room.

Their surroundings were long forgotten.

Izaya gasped slightly when his back hit the wall as he was forcefully pushed up against it.

Their bodies still sticking close together, he could feel Shizuo slip in between his tighs, and couldn´t help but let a low moan escape. His hips bucked against Shizuo, making the blond emit a deep husky moan.

The raven threw his head back at the overwhelming feeling, giving Shizuo the opportunity to instantly latch his mouth onto his neck. Yet another moan escaped his lips as Shizuo started to suck hard on the spot.

Shit... Izaya´s eyes lidded as he panted heavily. He gulped.

He wanted more!

Gasping for air he lifted one of his legs, quickly wrapping it around the blond´s waist. Shizuo realized what Izaya wanted and while pressing him hard against the wall he hoisted him up completely- their crotches unavoidably crushing hard together at the contact.

"Ah..!" A moan escaped both their lips at the friction and their eyes met in lust.

They were both rock hard- and craving.. for more.

"…Izaya-" Shizuo began. He could clearly feel Izaya´s erection pressing against his waist, but instead of letting him speak, Izaya shortly grinded himself against Shizuo, drawing a low moan from the blond as well as himself.

God this feeling- Izaya felt like drowing in pleasure…! More…! He wanted more…!

Panting eyes locked with lust filled one´s as Izaya leaned up and playfully nibbled on Shizuo´s lip-

"Shizuo…" he whispered seductive, panting as he grinding himself once more against the blond, gasping at that wonderful feeling.

"Take me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> XD End for chapter 18 xD oooh some people might hate me now. xD Yes, I am ending it here~! xD
> 
> But next time- you will finally get the lemon~ ;3


	19. Burning desire

-4th floor. Torturing room. Both´s point of view.-

Shizuo gulped as those hot words were breathed into his ear.

"Take me." –they went straight to his groin. Oh yes, and how he would take the flea.

A hot moan was drawn from the raven, as he leaned forward and sucked harsh on his neck. Izaya's legs were still wrapped tightly around his waist, slightly rocking against him- and god he would lie if he said it didn't turn him on immensely.

He bit down on his shoulder, neck, collarbone, everywhere- each and every spot on the raven´s body he was going to claim.

Izaya shuddered at the sensation, the action, sending pleasant shivers down his spine.

God, how Izaya loved the feeling of that hot mouth ravishing him-

"Hnn.." He moaned slightly as he felt that moist tongue trail along his exposed collarbone- his hands finding a tight grip on Shizuo´s shoulders. He felt beyond ecstatic.

Trying to get more friction he bucked harder against Shizuo, who was still deliciously pressing him into that wall.

God- Shizuo almost went insane as he felt the informant grind against him.

"Izaya..." the raven heard the blond groan, and his member harden underneath his bartender pants.

Izaya gulped- fuck- he wanted this- oh yes, how he wanted this, the torture from before was long forgotten, the slight sting in his left arm didn´t even bother him anymore, as he enjoyed this never felt attention, his eyes locked with Shizuo´s, his breath coming in rather short gasps.

And Shizuo was the same, he would have never dreamed of having his raven like this- never thought of the possibility that he could like him back- not to speak of love… It was almost too good to be true.

Affectionate he brushed Izaya´s cheek with one hand while holding the raven up with the other. He brushed away some bangs partly covering his face. He loved him so much.

Izaya´s eyes grew soft at the tender action.

God- he loved that blond- he really loved him, way more than he had even imagined he began to realize, as he connected their lips in another sweet kiss.

When they parted, still panting, Shizuo looked like he was about to say something, but a sudden shrill scream resounding from outside cut him off.

Irritated by the interruption Izaya frowned and looked towards the window- the scream had come from the streets it seemed.

Huffing they stopped as their eyes darted to the window. The same thought crossed their minds.

Oh.

Just at that moment they realized where they actually were. Only barely Izaya´s hazy mind registered, that they should leave- soon.

Shizuo just threw some guys out of the window and there would soon be a commotion- on the streets as well as in this room.

Izaya frowned. There was a problem though- he didn´t want to.

"Damn..." Izaya mumbled. The last thing he wanted to do now, was stop this and have to go and deal with some stupid cops.

Were those guys dead...? Probably, yes.

Could he talk their way out of this? Of course.

Did he want to do that now? No.

"Ah, those guys-" Shizuo suddenly mumbled. Of course he also realized that they couldn´t stay in this room much longer if they didn´t want to get interrupted- at least not right now.

Before Izaya could even voice his thoughts, he didn´t know the blond shared, Shizuo stepped back and let the raven down. Before he could even protest or ask what he was about to do, Shizuo's hand grabbed Izaya´s, and without another word he dragged him out of the room, to the end of the hall and shoved him into the elevator standing there.

"Shizu-" Izaya started, but was roughly shut up, the door didn´t even have enough time to close before the blond was literally glued to his raven again. Izaya moaned softly, as he was harshly pinned against the wall and pulled in for another kiss. Strong hands got a hold of his hips.

"Ah...!" Before he knew it Shizuo slipped a leg between his own, pressing pleasantly against his crotch- a delighted moan escaped his lips.

"I love you Izaya..." Shizuo murmured huskily before leaning in for another ravishing kiss. Roughly he inserted his tongue and explored the raven´s mouth, while rocking against his body in a manner that made Izaya´s legs go weak.

Damn this wasn´t even a matter of being a good kisser anymore. The additional pressure administered by Shizuo´s torturing leg, rubbing slowly against his cock, almost drove him insane. Fuck, Shizuo was good.

"Love you." He repeated. Izaya´s chest tingled and he felt his heart flutter at the words.

"Aaaah..." A drawn out moan escaped the raven´s seductive lips as the blond sucked on his delicate skin- hard.

"... love you so much." God damn the flea was hot like this- that look on his face, his wanton moans... Without a warning, he pushed the flea harder into the wall, making his body convulse and voice crack.

Suddenly the doors of the elevator opened. They reached the first floor- but instead of going out, they stood still -their eyes were locked with each other, their faces so close Izaya could feel Shizuo´s hot breath ghost over his lips.

A moment of silence wrapped around them as they just looked at each other.

Izaya gulped.

"Shizuo…" he voiced tugging at his hair, implying that he didn't want to wait any longer while said blond took in the extremely arousing sight before him.

Izaya was still slightly panting, his eyes partly lidded, still pressed by him into the elevator´s wall, and oh god did he look fuckable.

The look on his face and the tone of his voice almost asked to be fucked right here and now and he wasn´t too sure he was only imagining that- making Shizuo´s pants tighten considerably. He wasn´t surprised as he felt his mind ponder on the thought of just breaking the damn elevator and do him in here.

Quickly he shook his head to get back to his senses.

No, no, no- not here, he would do this right.

Before Izaya could say anything that would change his mind Shizuo captured his lips in a kiss, shutting him up and he shoved the raven out of the confining space.

They barely stumbled their way out of the building, onto the street not letting go of each other- he was still kissing his raven, and not caring who the fuck would see them. They didn´t even notice the guys on the ground, and a slight crowd gathering on the street.

They had only eyes for each other.

Izaya was still looking rather impatient and confused, as the blond stepped literally onto the street, stopping the next taxi that came. His pants already being damn tight.

Fuck, he couldn´t wait to get home- he wanted the blond so bad..!

Terrified the first taxi driver encountering the blond stopped as he saw the fortissimo of Ikebukuro standing right in front of his taxi. Only this time Shizuo was damn glad people would stop in fear of him, as he shoved Izaya into the backside of the car, following right after.

Their address was all he managed to say, before he leaned down to capture those hot lips again. Obviously embarrassed the guy closed the dark window separating the back seat to the front, leaving Izaya to snicker briefly, while his breathing was rather ragged.

"You embarrassed the guy." Izaya said, looking at him with that damn sexy flushed face of his. Fuck, was it even allowed to look that hot?

"I don´t give a fuck about that guy right now." Shizuo just breathed, before latching his mouth on a particularly tempting looking spot on that smooth neck, biting down and eliciting a more than pleasured moan from the raven.

"I want you, I want you so bad..." He murmured. Izaya gasped as he felt the blond broke his skin and sucked on it harshly- definitely leaving a bruise.

Which was exactly Shizuo´s intention.

„Nnnhh- marking me? Shizu-chaaahhhh...!" Shizuo´s hands had trailed along his chest again, exploring all of it, and making Izaya feel as if he was burning.

Shizuo´s pants tightened considerably as he heard his name fade out in a moan.

Oh yes, he was marking Izaya- he was his, his alone, he wouldn´t allow anyone to touch his precious flea.

"You are mine." He declared, shoving up Izaya´s shirt, before latching on his chest. "Mine."

"Ah.." Izaya couldn´t help but gasp and arch his back at the action

"Got it?" Over and over he trailed his tongue over the smooth skin- biting down- breaking skin, sucking hard and licking in different places.

„Nnngh…so possessive ah..! Suddenly...?" god damn it, he couldn´t take it anymore. The sensation caused by the blond drove him insane. And fuck he was hard.

Not being able to endure this any longer, Izaya desperately wrapped his arms around Shizuo´s neck and grinded his crotch against the blond´s leg.

Shizuo almost came right then and there when the raven started rubbing himself against his thigh.

His mouth got very dry at the erotic scene in front of him and he quickly held his lover down by his hips, preventing him from the action. A displeased whine was directed at him.

"Shizu-chan, don´t ah be a god damn tease...!" Izaya moaned highly displeased by the prevention. But Shizuo didn´t let him complain further, as he pulled him in for a rough kiss, while grinding slowly against the raven's lower parts.

"Ah! Shizuo!"

Then everything went fast, kisses became sloppy, their bodies rocked together, gasps and pants filled the small space-

When the taxi driver finally asked for money, they didn´t even realize the car had already stopped.

In a rush Izaya threw the guy some a couple of Yen, not minding the fact that it was too much as they quickly stumbled out of the car, up the stairs and towards their apartment. The blond didn't stop touching and kissing him for even a second.

He smirked slightly as they reached the door. Roughly he pinned the raven against it and let his hands slide under his shirt.

"Open the door." He breathed huskily into Izaya´s ear, exploring his chest- sending shivers down his spine.

Drunken with lust Izaya fumbled with the keys- trying to not just come to a halt, as the blond ravaged his neck and his hands roamed around his body.

God, if the blond continued like that, he would come in his pants.

Finally, he managed to open the door- and all former hesitation fell. The door shut, legs went up, locked around Shizuo´s waist, as he practically slammed the raven onto the table- the nearest object they encountered.

Documents, files, and Izaya´s various phones, everything fell down from the table- fuck it.

Sloppy kisses, breathy moans were filling the room in seconds. Shaky hands found their way around his neck as Shizuo grinded against the writhing form beneath him.

Oh god, how he loved those sounds escaping Izaya´s moist lips. And oh god, how damn fucking sexy he looked like that.

Looking at him with these wanting crimson orbs of his Shizuo knew that he was obviously craving for him as much as he did.

In a heartbeat Izaya´s coat was down and shirt lifted up. Latching on his chest Shizuo rolled his tongue around Izaya´s nipples, making the raven shiver in delight.

"Hnnn... Shizuo..." Izaya purred, face crimson with lust.

With shaky hands Izaya managed to unbutton the blond´s vest and shirt, before slipping it off as well, revealing a more than well defined chest.

But Shizuo wasn´t just standing by idly either, quickly he grabbed Izaya´s belt, unbuckled it and with a small click let it thud to the floor. Izaya´s pants and briefs followed almost instantly, slowly sliding them down the slim hips, as he continued sucking on Izaya´s chest, making the raven convulse.

"AH..!" A loud moan escaped the raven´s lips, as he slid down his briefs, roughly brushing them over the tip of Izaya´s cock.

Shizuo smirked shortly before leaning down and shortly breathing over the tip of Izaya´s member. Izaya tried to glare, though terribly failed as his eyes were more lidded in pleasure than anger.

"Shizuooo.. Stop.. ah.. teasing." the raven panted, propping his elbows on the table. But Shizuo wasn´t finished teasing, as he leaned down further, and started to trail his tongue closely around Izaya´s inner thighs- hard and fast.

Izaya gasped at the feeling, his legs threatening to give out, as the blond started sucking on the newly revealed skin, leaving kiss marks all over the place.

Marking, oh yes, he was marking his flea- he bit down-

"Ah…!"- he licked-

"Shizuo…!" -and sucked. "Hnnn..."

Izaya´s legs wobbled dangerously at the ministrations- he was feeling so damn close, his cock dripping with precum already. If the blond didn´t stop soon, he would-

Suddenly Shizuo backed off. Surprised Izaya opened the eyes, he didn´t remember he had closed. Lust filled stares met each other as the blond wrapped his arms around the flea instead and almost threw him into bed.

Izaya bounced as his body met the mattress, but not long, because in mere seconds Shizuo was hovering over him, leaning down, unavoidably pressing Izaya´s arousal hard against his waist.

"AH! Shizuo..!" Izaya slapped a hand over his mouth, shit, shit, shit..!

Oh no Shizuo wouldn´t allow Izaya to hide his moans. Quickly he grabbed the hand Izaya used to muffle his voice, and pinned it down beside his head. Harsh pants escaped the raven as he looked questioning at the blond.

"No. I want to hear you." he whispered huskily, while using his other hand to grip Izaya´s member.

"AH..! Shizuo stop, I-" He was interrupted as Shizuo slowly pumped the raven. His back instantly arched into the pleasant sensation.

"Haaaah..!" Harsh pants left the raven´s mouth, as he gripped the bed sheets tightly. God, he was ready to burst, when suddenly Shizuo leaned down, and teasingly licked the tip of Izaya´s member.

"Ah.! Wait..! Wait Shizu-" Izaya tried, but he didn´t get to say any more, because suddenly he saw white. - Shizuo had leant down and took him into his mouth- Izaya couldn´t control his voice any longer and screams of utter pleasure filled the air.

"AAH! SHIZUO!"

Whatever resistance Izaya had, it shattered that moment.

Delicate fingers almost speared into Shizuo´s hair in an attempt to control the angle of his mouth- Shizuo took in as much of Izaya as he could- rewarded with loud moaned versions of his name.

"Shizuo.. Ha.! Shizuo..!"

Shizuo´s pants tightened considerably as he bobbed his head up and down, heard those beyond erotic moans, sharp intakes of breath and felt the way Izaya´s thighs trembled and wrapped around his head trying to keep him where he was, almost driving him insane

"Ah! Shizuo- Shizuo..!" Shit, that hot mouth, fuck...! Light headed Izaya glanced at the almost pornographic sight of Shizuo´s head bobbing up and down his length.

That feeling, oh god..

"God, Shizuo!" he near screamed as the blond, deep throated him all the way and he threw his head back in ecstasy. Now weak hands lost their grip on Shizuo´s hair, as they fell down, weakly gripping the bedsheet instead.

Too much too much-!

His body was a mess.

He could feel the blond sucks hard, hear the slurping sound, felt it as the blond rubbed the head of Izaya´s cock against the roof of his mouth-

"Shizu- ah-!" he couldn´t hold it any longer, he was close-! So fucking close..!

Suddenly Shizuo stopped, pulling away completely from the length.

Izaya whined at the loss. His eyes snapped open again, and he almost glared, at the blond while panting, his hips still bucking for any kind of friction.

Shizuo gulped, fuck, Izaya was a mess. His hands were still gripping on the bed sheets, his face flushed with dark red, his body glistening with sweat as his chest rapidly heaved up and down. Those crimson eyes glanced heavy lidded with pure lust at him and his erection looked painfully hard.

God, he was beautiful.

"Urgh Shizuo... ah..." Izaya complained panting heavily as he whined, being denied his orgasm. Damn that was unfair.

His hands shot forward and he grabbed the blond for a messy kiss.

"Shizuo hurry-" he moaned into Shizuo´s mouth fingers gripping Shizuo´s hair. Fuck, fuck fuck, he wanted that blond oh fuck how he wanted that blond. He wanted that blond now!

Shaking, one of his hands quickly cupped Shizuo´s arousal, rubbing it through the still present annoying piece of clothing.

Shizuo groaned at the surprising assault of pleasure. Shit, that felt- god…!

Hearing Shizuo groan he quickly he dipped his hand inside his pants stroking the length there. Shizuo almost doubled over at the feeling.

"Shit.. Izaya..!" Fuck this felt absolutely divine.

In a heartbeat Izaya had unbuttoned Shizuo´s pants and let his erection spring free- and Izaya was shoved back into the mattress.

Shizuo didn't even notice, when Izaya had wrapped his legs around his waist, but now those thighs were straddling him tight, as he pressed their arousals together.

"Aaahh..!" A moan escaped them both as they bucked desperately against each other. Fuck, he wanted that raven now.

"Lube?" Shizuo asked panting. Izaya shook his head. Fuck, how he regretted that now- but Shizuo already seemed to have another idea it seemed, as three fingers were shoved into his face.

"Suck." Shizuo breathed and Izaya readily complied. Quickly moistening those digits.

Oh god Shizuo swore he got even harder when Izaya´s hot tongue swirled around his fingers. Feeling that warm and wet mouth, Shizuo quickly retracted his hand as soon as his digits were covered in saliva.

He couldn´t wait any longer-!

Izaya couldn´t even follow Shizuo´s movement, as he suddenly felt one finger roughly shove inside him-

"Ah..!" Izaya gasped at the rough treatment and threw his head to the side. Shizuo snapped out of it-

Ah shit, he was too impatient-

"Sorry-" he started withdrawing the digit again, when Izaya quickly shook his head.

"No... aaahh... do that again.. again...!" he moaned- making Shizuo get even harder.

He had no idea why, but damn that had felt good just now.

Shizuo did as told and shoved the finger back inside, a bit gentler though despite Izaya´s wish, as he started preparing the flea. He shouldn´t lose control, no matter how difficult it was. He didn´t want to accidentally hurt him.

Carefully he added a second finger earning a pleasured gasp each time he withdrew and shoved those digits in again. In and out, in and out-

"Fuuuuck…" was the only thing Izaya was able to muster out, between heavy breaths.

He felt he was losing it, shuddering at the sensation, losing control of his body, each time the blond slid back and forth, pushing inside farther and farther.

And the deeper he pushed, the louder the raven got. Shizuo was sweating by now, adding a third finger he twisted and curled them inside Izaya. Fuck-

Izaya couldn´t stand it anymore- no more- he wanted Shizuo..!

Shizuo´s fingers slipped in and out of his hole painfully slow. He already bit his lips, almost drawing blood as he drowned in that pleasant sensation.

Damn, he needed Shizuo-!

"More- Shizuo… I want you…!" he voiced hands finding their way to the blond´s back, almost clawing at it.

Shizuo gulped and stopped moving his fingers shortly.

"You sure?" he asked panting, roughly slamming his fingers in again- this time hitting Izaya´s spot dead on.

"AAH! Shizuo...!" Izaya´s breath was ragged, his lower body almost acting on its own as he couldn´t help himself but thrust hard against those fingers.

Fuck..! He wanted more..!

"P-put it in aahh..! It has to be you now...!" he panted, connecting their lips for a messy kiss.

That was enough-

Quickly Shizuo jerked his fingers out of the raven- leaving him gasping at the sudden empty feeling.

He stilled his still bucking hips and aligned his throbbing cock in front of his entrance.

"Hurry… I wanna feel you deep-!"

Shizuo almost came at the sound of his voice.

"Fuck, do you know just how fucking sexy you are?!" Without another word Shizuo grabbed Izaya´s tigh, bending it up, as he leaned down, his face only centimeters away from Izaya´s.

"Damn, I love you so much Izaya…" he panted.

"- too..." Izaya gasped, and caught Shizuo´s lips as the blond started to push-

"Aaaaahhh…!" Panting Izaya tried to keep his eyes open, but failed miserably as the pleasure became too much.

Shizuo halted halfway, eyeing him with eyes lidded with lust.

"Doesn't hurt?"

"No, ah!... feels goo- oh GOD!" hands started clawing at Shizuo´s back, as the flea writhed in pleasure. But Shizuo didn´t even feel any pain- equally lost in satisfaction, he hooked his arms under Izaya´s thighs and slowly- shoved in deep.

"Aaaahhh...! T-there...! ah!...! Shizuo! Ah-!" God- the blond was driving Izaya insane with his slowness.

"Izaya…" A pleasured moan escaped the blond's mouth as Izaya wrapped his legs around his waist, finally pushing him in to the hilt.

Shizuo stilled, waiting for Izaya to adjust to him.

"Fuuuuck..." Izaya moaned- he was so big, and so deep inside- he could feel him all the way to his stomach, resting right against his prostate-

The blond was almost driven insane at that tight heat surrounding his pulsating cock, shit-

"M-move Shizuo…" Izaya moaned.

And the blond gladly did as told. He drew his hips back slowly, keeping the tip barely inside, before he started sliding back in slow and steady- shuddering, sweating, moaning at the sensation- making the flea clamp down hard on him, while scraping bites over the skin of his bared and already marked neck.

"Aahhh..."A dragged out moan escaped the flea's lips at the motion. Shit, so slow- but god...!

Feeling his own pulse flutter and breath come in gasps, Izaya couldn´t do much, but grind his hips against the blond indicating him to go faster.

And Shizuo did, pulling out he suddenly almost slammed back in again- further- deeper. Hitting that spot repeatedly Izaya tensed and shuddered, his sight blackening out everytime the blond thrust in.

"Ah…!"

It was amazing, that feeling- god...!

"Aaah…!" out- "Shizuo..!" and in- "AH!"

Izaya threw his head back in pleasure as he demanded for more.

"Harder..!" Shizuo gulped at the sight of Izaya´s flushed face, looking up at him with wanton eyes.

"You sure..?" he asked with a husky voice while licking Izaya´s earlobe. The raven shuddered as yet another wave of pleasure rolled down his body.

"Shizuo, I Aaaah...! I want you to fuck me -hard! Now!" He panted with lust filled eyes, not believing he was able to take this any longer.

Shizuo gulped. He felt himself literally getting even harder inside the flea.

"Izaya..." He whispered in a low voice as he pounded hard and fast into the slick hole.

"AAH..!" The flea slapped a hand over his mouth as another loud moan escaped his lips.

This was too sensual for words, as he panted hotly into the blond's ear, his fingers clawing at the blond's back.

"G-good! Ah! Faster…! Shizuo!" he demanded, each time Shizuo pulled out and slammed back in hard, a shuddering cry left the raven´s mouth.

"Oh god...! AH! Sh-shizuo...!"

Deeper and deeper, he sheated into the hot hole, hearing sinfully, almost pornographic moans.

"Shizuo..!"

The room was filled with the sounds of sex, moaning swearing, panting- both were close.

"Izaya…"

"Ah..!" Shizuo's thrusts became more erratic, as he felt himself coming closer- pounding rougher and harder into the raven- making Izaya almost lose it.

"Shizuo, Shizuo...!" The only thing that left Izaya´s mouth now were hot moaned versions of Shizuo´s name, repeated like a mantra as the blond grinded himself further in Izaya´s body,

The pace quickened, he buried himself roughly-

„Fuck, Izaya-!" - he moved faster, frantically, skin slapped against skin, he could feel he was at his peak.

"Shizuo! Ah! Shizuo...!"

"Izaya-!" he groaned as he took a last particular hard and deep thrust spearing Izaya's prostate his back arched-

"... AAH!...!" His head was thrown back, and his mouth opened in a silent scream, as he released all over their chests-

Shizuo felt his own orgasm approaching as his length was enveloped in tight hot convulsing walls, it didn´t take long until he came hard inside his lover. He rocked his body slightly, riding out his orgasm until he stilled.

Panting Shizuo kept himself propped on his arms to not crush Izaya under his weight as he gasped for air.

Cum drizzled down the back of Izaya´s thighs- emitting a delighted shudder from the dazed raven as he felt the warmth trickle out.

Panting at their intense orgasm, the blond still deep inside the raven, they laid still- gasping, breathing - trying to catch some air. The sudden silence wrapping around them like a blanket.

Izaya was the first to catch his breath and opened his eyes to look at the blond.

"Shizuo... I love you..." he croaked in a hoarse voice and wrapped his arms around his lover´s neck.

Shizuo nodded still gasping for air.

Slowly he removed his member from Izaya- elicting a suppressed moan from the exhausted raven.

He snaked his arms around the flea´s waist, and exchanged their positions, lying the raven on top of his body.

Izaya sighed contently as he laid his head down on Shizuo´s chest- listening to his heart, beating fast, as he was embraced by the blond and felt him nuzzle into this hair.

He frowned a bit, as he remembered Shizuo's earlier actions and tightened his hug.

"Shizuo, don´t... don´t ever say something like going away again..." he started, fatigued tilting his head up so he could look into Shizuo´s golden eyes.

"Don´t you dare leave me... got it...?" Shizuo nodded, capturing Izaya´s lips in a gentle kiss.

"Never." he affirmed, and pulled the blanket over their sweat covered bodies, now getting cold.

"I love you too much for that…" Shizuo whispered as wrapped it mainly around the raven- a smile tugged at Izaya´s lips.

"Good…" he answered and barely felt the blond kiss his forehead as he was enveloped in that comforting warmth. Only faint he felt Shizuo affectionate comb through his hair, as he slowly drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahem... yeah.. that´s it x´DD pffffft... Can´t believe I wrote this xD Aaaanywaaayy~ Minna-san, what do think about this chapter? xD Was it good? Or rather, should I write those other lemons still ahead or better leave them out? x3 I mean if you think this wasn´t good, then I will leave them. xD There will be more smutty parts~ xD But this time (since it was their first time~) I made it rather normal~ xDDD
> 
> Aaahhh~ so well~ I am damn curious what you will say to this x´D


	20. Angry waves

-Their apartment.-

… so bright.

Frowning Izaya glanced into the dazzling light of the sun, preaching its way through a gap in the curtain.

Just by opening his eyes a bit he was able to glance at the clock beside the bed. It was around 9 am, and Sunday… usually he would have gotten up by this time already… how come he slept so long and still was kinda tired?

He yawned drowsily and rubbed his eyes- well at least he tried to, when he realized that something heavy lying on his arm actually prevented him from doing so.

He turned his face to the source of obstruction- finding an arm- an arm that didn´t belong to him- but Shizuo!

A quick flash of realization flashed over his expression as he turned his head to look at the blond´s sleeping face just inches away from him.

Oh right he- oh god…!

Izaya was embarrassed beyond description as he realized that he was in fact still lying on top of Shizuo´s body- blanket still wrapped mainly around him.

He lay down on Shizuo´s chest again, hiding his face- kind of a weird reaction since it was exactly because of the blond that he was feeling that abashed all of a sudden.

He couldn´t help but blush furiously as he remembered the past night.

He had sex with Shizuo.

Real sex.

"Oh god…" he blushed even brighter as he realized they were still naked, and well… he didn´t exactly… clean himself last night...

Almost shy Izaya glanced at the sleeping blond´s face.

But damn… he loved it.

Damn that night before was… wow.

Amazing.

They were definitely compatible- that much he knew now.

Shit… he was so turned on… he even wanted to do it in the elevator last night!

"God…" he sighed again. Somehow he was glad now Shizuo dragged him home instead. Though he was sure, the blond was pondering on that option that moment as well…

Fuck... He didn´t even need a mirror to know that he probably was bright red right now, the hotness he felt in his cheeks was a dead give away.

Holy… this situation right now, was definitely one he wouldn´t even have dreamed of in his whole life.

He inhaled a few times trying to calm down again.

Fuuuck... what should he say when the blond woke up? What would he say? What would happen…?

Aaah so confusing.

Frustrated, he rubbed his temples, still lying on top of Shizuo of course.

He had no clue what he should do, no information helping him, nothing, this was so.. new.

But even though his nerves were kinda lying blank because he didn´t know what he should do, he couldn´t say he was dissatisfied with the outcome.

Yet another sigh escaped his lips as he turned his head to look at the blond's peaceful expression.

…

Still…

Somehow he felt at ease.

The expression he wore changed into a gentle one as he watched the blond sleep.

Yeah, he really felt at ease.

... Since it was Shizuo he was here with.

Sure, he still didn´t know what to do at all.

But… he bet Shizuo didn´t know too.

He smiled at that thought.

He couldn´t imagine the blond being all that well-read regarding relationship issues seeing as he was that afraid to hurt someone he didn´t want to.

A slight chuckle escaped his lips as he remembered the time where he placed that tiny fluffy kitten on Shizuo´s neck.

Really now… why was he so afraid of his strength? He could control it, Izaya knew it, otherwise he bet he would have killed him already. He did get him once or twice in the past and got to grab his neck, but he never squeezed too hard- cause Izaya bet, no matter what the blond always said, he never wanted to actually kill him.

Beat up, yes, but never kill.

So even in that situation, when he was raging and beyond furious he could control his strength, so why the fear?

Yesterday too, when they… had sex… he was so gentle. So cautious, despite how much he wanted him, he still kept the pace slow, and he bet the blond did that because he was afraid he would hurt him.

Really now…

Izaya smiled fondly as he brushed the bangs partly covering Shizuo´s sleeping face away.

He didn´t get how the blond could love him so much to care about that…

He always treated the blond like shit, he called him a protozoan, and monster, and still…

He sighed and laid his head down on Shizuo´s chest again.

… He still loved him, despite all that.

He could hear Shizuo´s heartbeat.

… What a soothing sound.

Playfully he brushed his fingers along Shizuo´s chest, writing his name on it.

He was sure he would never ever find someone accepting, loving him the way Shizuo did...

I´m yours now… he thought as he finished the last line of his name.

A hand suddenly taking his own startled him in his thoughts.

Surprised, he stared at Shizuo, who was now looking back at him, grinning.

"What are you doing to me in my sleep?" he asked and chuckling, he brought the hand to his mouth placing a butterfly kiss on it.

A bit startled Izaya retracted it.

"And what do you think you are doing?" he asked mumbling, cradling the hand as if it were something precious he had to protect.

Shizuo laughed at that.

"What? That startled just because I kissed it?" Embarrassed Izaya averted his eyes.

"Well…" he mumbled.

Damn, how could that blond be that ... that carefree? He acted like nothing happened at all! Well... he didn´t exactly act like nothing happened at all, after all he just kissed his hand as if it was the most natural thing to do!

Aaahhh… he didn´t know at all how to-

"Whoah-!" his wondering was interrupted rudely, as he felt himself being tugged forwards, his body suddenly meeting the mattress and bed sheets instead of Shizuo´s warm figure.

He had pulled Izaya forward, so now he was lying with his back on the mattress and Shizuo hovered over him.

A chuckle escaped his lips as he noticed the surprised look Izaya spared him.

Really now, how come Izaya was acting so cute today?

Was he nervous? The thought alone made Shizuo grin like an idiot. Was he nervous because of him?

Sure seemed that way, normally he always had quite a lot to tell him, but now he was oddly silent for once.

Was he at a loss for words?

He wondered what the raven was so lost in thought for before.

"What were you thinking about?" he asked, looking straight into those beautiful crimson eyes.

Urgh… how come that blond is so confident now?!

"Nothing…" he replied. No way he would admit he just didn´t know how to handle this situation...!

Suddenly he felt a warm hand right next to his face, playing with his hair.

"You didn´t look like you were thinking about nothing." Shizuo replied smirking.

Judging from how he was blushing, he bet he knew exactly what the raven was thinking about.

Tch..

"I was just thinking how I would have never imagined us to end up here." He started. Well, he didn´t exactly think about that, but it was close.

Shizuo seemed to believe it though.

"Yeah, you´re right... If someone told us that, ages ago we would have thought he was insane." He laughed.

Actually, this really was quite something if you thought about it that way- the feared fortissimo of Ikebukuro and the best informant of Ikebukuro- together.

"Yeah if someone told me Shizu-chan and I would end up being a couple I would have sent them to the madhouse." Izaya laughed, though the laugh sounded a bit… like an act. Forced. Nervous.

But he couldn´t help it, he was nervous, he didn´t know what to do or to say. Usually the words just came flowing to him; he was always the one in charge, the one in control of a situation... but now…

Shizuo grinned. Yes, definitely, the flea was nervous. It was more than obvious, especially since it was the flea they were talking about. He just didn´t get why. Was it because they had sex? God damn… the flea was just too adorable-

"Not Shizu-chan, but Shizuo." The blond suddenly said. Questioning Izaya looked at Shizuo.

"Huh?" he asked, tilting his head.

Shizuo chuckled- he knew exactly how to get the flea to relax around him again. This awkwardness wasn´t exactly something he wanted to continue.

He leaned in a tad and started to talk into Izaya´s hear.

"Didn´t you call me that last night?" he whispered, making Izaya jump in surprise.

"Eh...?!" Dark red tinted his cheeks as he heard the blond continue. Shizuo laughed. So he really was right!

"I recall hearing things like, "ah Shizuo there~" or "hurry up I wanna feel you dee-umpf-" before he could even finish a cushion was pressed into his face.

"DIE!" Izaya called out embarrassed squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to suffocate the dumb protozoan-

Why the heck did he have to say that just now?! God... he couldn´t believe he said that! This was so embarrassing…!

Said blond though, just laughed and pushed the pillow back.

"But you know, that was really sexy." He threw in, trying to calm the flea a bit. Well… it didn´t work at all, it just made the raven blush even more as he grabbed the second pillow.

"Shut up! Go die Shizu-chan!" was the only thing he said as he threw his new attained weapon at the blond.

"Pffft... seriously flea?" he caught the pillow and threw it somewhere off the bed- no cushion was left on the mattress anymore.

"Admit it, you´re embarrassed, right?" he asked, bringing the question to the point.

A shrill "Huh?!"was the only thing Izaya responded though.

"Come on, I love you, you love me, nothing changed, we just had s-"

"Stop talking about it!" Izaya cried, starting to hit him with his fists.

Aaaah, that dumb protozoan! That damn stupid-!

"Oh, resorting to this now, well then you leave me no choice-!"

"Eh?" Surprised Izaya stopped as he noticed the blond´s evil grin.

He didn´t even have time to react as Shizuo´s hands suddenly shot forward and started tickling Izaya´s waist- causing him to laugh loudly.

"AHAHAHAHA! Shizuchahaha sto- stop it! haha!" he begged as he tried to roll away from the blond, but he was relentless.

"No way, this is payback!" Shizuo laughed, and started tickling Izaya in different places- it didn´t take him long to find out where the informant was ticklish the most- his neck.

And oh how he attacked that area once he realized that- Izaya flailed around and pushed at the blond, even tugged at his hands, trying to get him away, but no chance, the blond was totally overpowering him.

"Ahahaha! Shizu-chan! Stop please! Haha!" he tried again, while laughing, trying to crawl away from the blond.

"A wait Iza-whoah-!"

Whump

Too late-

Laughing wholeheartedly Izaya laid on the ground, he didn´t notice that he was already that near to the edge of the bed. They fell down it. Izaya on the ground and Shizuo followed on top of him because he kept a hold of him.

Giggling, they lay on the floor.

"Pffft, Shizu-chan, you threw us off the bed." Izaya announced gasping for the air as he was finally free to inhale again without having to laugh so hard.

"Well your fault, you were flailing around too much." Shizuo countered amused.

"Yeah, and who started it?" Izaya threw in.

"Hmm... I wonder who?" Shizuo grinned.

"Tch… Protozoan..." Izaya commented and got up from the ground again taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"Better now?" Shizuo asked, lying down next to him. Izaya glanced at the blond before exhaling once more.

"... yeah.." he admitted. Shizuo smiled.

"Why were you even that nervous? What did you think would happen?" he asked curious, propping his head on his elbow. Izaya just rolled his eyes.

"Well give me a break I never had a relationship before!" he stated.

"Me neither, so?"

Eh? Surprise Izaya stared at the blond- sure he didn´t know of any relationships the blond would have had, but from the way he acted he sure thought he had some kind of experience.

He did not?

"Urgh... how come you´re so… confident with this whole stuff then?" he asked, really curious, what was it that the blond knew that he didn´t?

"Well I just do what I wanna do, and what I want to do is to protect you and make you smile, that´s not that difficult, right?" Shizuo answered, leaving Izaya dumfounded.

…

Right…

A smiled played along his lips.

Right!

How stupid he was!

He started chuckling.

He was just thinking way too complicated- Shizuo loved him, so he wanted to make him happy... as simple as that, so shouldn´t he also do it the other way round?

He loved Shizuo; he wanted to make him happy too. God, really now… sometimes he just thought too much about things.

"… sometimes you´re really smart you know that?" He laughed. Shizuo just stared at him dumbfounded after that comment.

"… Was that sarcasm now, or do you really mean it?" Shizuo asked, not sure which one it was since the flea was always calling him a protozoan and dumb.

"Mean it." he chuckled. He got up from the bed- his sight had fallen on his surroundings- various phones, electronic devises, his files and documents, everything was lying on the ground… they certainly were going at it.

He picked some papers up from the floor, intending to at least put everything on top of the table again where it belonged, when suddenly a little piece of paper fell into his hands.

I left searching for you. Prepare to get your ass handed to you if you´re just late.

-Shizuo

"Beat my ass?- well… I can´t say you didn´t do that." He laughed, placing the note on the table.

Shizuo snorted. "Only you would say that."

"Ah, but you don´t hurt, do you?" he suddenly asked, worried getting up from bed as well.

Quickly Izaya shook his head.

"Nope, it doesn´t, no need to worry Shizu-chan." He reassured the blond.

Well… that was a lie actually, his ass did hurt quite a bit, but no way in hell was he telling that the blond. If he were to do that he would probably never again experience a night like the last one.

He blushed a bit at the memory and sighed.

Well... he still thought it was a tad embarrassing, but…

Somehow I wanna do this again… shit, … that really felt good… especially when he got a tad more roug-

"What are you thinking about?" Startled Izaya turned to the blond.

"Huh? …why are you asking…?" he questioned, avoiding his glance.

"Well… You´re kind of really red right now." Shizuo chuckled.

"Urgh.." quickly the raven turned his head away. "No, I am not." He protested.

"Yes you are." Shizuo repeated.

"Am. Not. Now shut it." With those words he got up and headed for the bathroom.

God... why was that protozoan so curious about what he was thinking all of a sudden? And by the way, what the heck was he even thinking about?!

Irritated Izaya stared at his reflection in the mirror directly above the sink. His eyes widened at what he saw-

Over and over, no matter where he looked, they were everywhere!

Kissmarks!

On every spot he could find there was one!

Even in places he didn´t even remember the blond leaving some!

"That damn…!"

Shizuo just laughed as he watched the raven disappear into the bathroom.

He really wondered what he was thinking about before, to make his face go red like that.

He was just putting on some pants, when he suddenly heard a loud scream.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" His head snapped into the direction where the scream had come from- the bathroom. Only a heartbeat later an obviously angry- and flustered- raven stormed out of the bath.

"You-!" he spat as he pointed at Shizuo, probably trying to look intimidating, but somehow ... the slight blush on his cheeks made those efforts useless.

"Huh?" Shizuo just stared at the flea, wondering what had riled him up so much.

"Look at me! You covered me in kiss marks!" Shizuo tilted his head.

Obviously, yes. He was quite sure he didn´t leave out a single spot yesterday.

"Yeah, so?" he shrugged, leaving Izaya to just stare at him dumbfounded.

"Hu-?" That damn protozoan wasn´t even feeling guilty for doing it!

"Who told you to do that?" he asked a tad annoyed, but also kinda… well… he couldn´t place a finger on it, but he also kinda didn´t hate the fact that the blond was that… possessive of him.

"Nobody of course." Shizuo just answered grinning.

Izaya exhaled and rubbed his temples. Arguing with the blond about how he shouldn´t leave a hickey on every fucking place on his body would probably not really do anything.

Shizuo just chuckled, well... he already guessed that maybe he had been a tad too excessive with them... but hey, the flea was his and he didn't mind to show that everyone, so why not?

Grinning he looked at Izaya´s body… he certainly did a good job; he really literally covered the flea in bite marks. No matter where, his hips, his legs, his waist, his neck, shoulders, ar-

He halted as his sight fell on Izaya´s arms. A frown carved itself onto his expression.

There were bruises… bruises and those cuts… everything from yesterday.

From when the flea was tortured… because of him.

"Tch..." Izaya turned around, heading for the bathroom again.

"I can´t even put on a short sleeved shirt now that you-" he paused as he felt a pair of arms wrap around his body from behind. "… Covered me in kissmarks…." He finished, turning to look at Shizuo.

He wore kind of … a troubled expression. A really troubled one. He turned around.

"Shizu-chan what´s wrong?" he asked looking at his lover.

…

"Sorry."

"Eh?" Confused Izaya stared at the blond. "Sorry? What for?" Somehow he had a feeling Shizuo wasn´t exactly talking about the hickeys.

"That´s my fault…" Shizuo whispered and brushed softly over those bruises and cuts.

Izaya froze at that.

"I love you Izaya… but… but If that´s gonna be the result of that, I prefer to disappear from your life over you getting hurt..."

He felt as if he was falling into a deep dark hole as he remembered those lines from Shizuo the day before.

No.

Nonono-!

"Shizu-" he started almost panicking, but was shut up by a hand placed over his mouth.

Shizuo forced a smile.

"Ah I got it, don´t worry, I won´t leave you." He gently cupped Izaya´s face. "I promised didn't I?"

Izaya flinched at the way Shizuo looked so... guilty and sorry- even though it wasn´t even really his fault!

Without a word he wrapped his hands around the blond hugging him.

"... it´s not your fault." He stated, leaving Shizuo quite perplex.

He sighed. He knew it was.

"Iza-"

"Not. Your. Fault- okay?" Izaya interrupted him stern, tightening his hug.

Shizuo smiled, as the raven backed away to look at him. Maybe he should just accept it.

"Ouch-!" a sudden hit to the head snapped him out of his daze.

A stuck out tongue greeted him from Izaya´s mouth, as he retreated a few steps, propping his arms on his hips.

"But the kissmarks are! Expect punishment!" he declared grinning, trying to ease the tension.

Shizuo laughed. Really now... the flea was just so…

He smiled as he tugged Izaya forward by his wrist again.

"I just can´t help it. That´s prove that you are mine, and mine alone." He whispered into his ears. Leaving Izaya to blush a bit.

"I really didn´t know you were that possessive... were you always that way?" he asked, shivering as Shizuo kissed him on the neck.

"I guess I was, you just never got to see that side of me." He laughed releasing the flea again. "I won´t ever hand you over to anybody else. And I won´t leave you either…" he kissed him on the forehead. "So don´t ever hide from me, no matter what's the reason..."

"Eh?" Surprised Izaya looked at the blond. "Hide?"

"The ship… after I was shot… you tried to avoid me. Don´t do that again." Shizuo explained, making Izaya understand. Guilty Izaya looked at the blond.

Now that he thought about it… that was kinda cruel wasn´t it?

"Sorry, I won´t do that anymore." He hugged the blond, apologizing.

…

They really experienced a lot of dangerous situations by now… He couldn´t help but let his thoughts trail back to all those dangerous incidents they had been through… especially that one on the ship.

He really feared for Shizuo´s life then.

Suddenly he blinked, realizing he had forgotten one important aspect of that whole incident. "Ne, Shizu-chan, how did you know I was on the ship?" he asked.

He totally forgot about that. He was already wondering about that issue some time ago, but forgot to ask.

"Ah, that old man...!" Shizuo exclaimed surprised.

"Old man?" Izaya tilted his head questioning.

"That was really weird actually; I totally forgot to tell you about it.

I was just searching for you, when I met an old man who was taking a walk with his dog, he asked me if I was Shizuo Heiwajima and then suddenly told me you were at the harbor!" Shizuo started to tell the raven.

Izaya frowned at his explanation though.

"So it was his doing…" Izaya mumbled, making Shizuo perk his ears.

"Do you know him?" he asked, letting go of the flea. Izaya nodded and scratched the backside of his head- avoiding looking at the blond.

"…Yeah… I do."

He knew him- alright, he knew him very well. And he definitely wasn´t happy about what the blond told him.

"Really? Who is he, I wanna thank him, and without his help I wouldn´t have found you in time." Shizuo asked happy, that he could thank the guy.

He gulped, except for the fact that he could have never explained to the flea what really happened, if he didn´t find him, that Ryosuke maybe would have found him before!

He was truly thankful to the guy! He wanted to-

"No."

"Eh?" surprised Shizuo stared at Izaya.

Did he just say no?

"Shizu-chan, just forget that old guy." Izaya advised, giving Shizuo a cold look.

He frowned. What was going on?

"Why?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"It´s complicated. Let´s just say you don´t need to thank him, okay?" Izaya declared, intending to leave it at that, but the blond just wouldn´t stop.

"Is he shady?" Annoyed Izaya glared at his lover.

"… it´s better if you don´t know Shizu-chan." He clarified serious.

Shizuo frowned at that. Getting a bit annoyed himself, he brushed through his hair.

"Izaya…" he growled.

"What?" He watched Shizuo pick up his vest to get a cigarette from it and observed quietly as he lit it.

The blond didn´t say a word yet, and neither did Izaya. He had the feeling he didn´t want to hear what the blond was thinking about when he stared again intensively into his eyes.

"Izaya, I want you to stop being an information broker."

To say Izaya was surprised by that statement was a mild underestimation.

"Huh?!" How did he get that idea now!?

Without another word Shizuo approached the flea again, placing his hands on both of his shoulders, while locking his eyes with Izaya´s.

He tried to remain calm, even though he was agitated by the fact, that that guy obviously was someone Izaya considered bad, and he certainly didn´t feel any better when he wondered why that guy even knew then where the flea was- but still… he had to calm down.

It wasn´t Izaya he was mad at.

"Izaya, you know, a lot of people want to kill you for what you are doing, you have a lot of enemys, really dangerous ones at that, remember the one that let the building explode?" Izaya flinched at that memory. Oh yeah… he remembered that.

Clearly.

And he also knew what the blond was trying to say… and it didn´t suit him at all.

"Or last time, when these five guys were waiting for you, if I hadn´t been there, I wouldn´t want to know what could have happened. Or not to mention your informant, and the amount of people he gathered to kill you… it´s just… I don´t want to lose you, but you being an information broker doesn´t really help…" he paused, looking into Izaya´s eyes.

Too many things happened and he was sure the flea got it.

But Izaya looked away. He shook of Shizuo´s hands resting on his shoulders and stepped back- a frown decorating his expression.

"I can´t do that Shizu-chan…" he answered, looking sternly at the blond. Surprised Shizuo looked at the flea.

He couldn´t?

"Why?" the question left his mouth the moment he thought it, leaving Izaya to roll his eyes.

"Shizu-chan, the world isn´t as easy, as you take it to be, I can´t just say oh, I am gonna quit." Angry Shizuo gritted his teeth.

"Don´t bullshit me! Why can´t you?! Just do, they can´t force you!" Izaya flinched at that.

Force him to do it… well, that was exactly what was happening, but he couldn´t tell Shizuo, he couldn´t drag him into this as well- no way.

"Tch... you have no clue… who says I even want to stop, huh?!" he spat angry, glaring at the blond. Why did he even have to stick his nose in his business?! This was his own problem, not his!

Shizuo just reacted with even louder yelling at that response-

"Huh?! What the hell, don´t you realize how dangerous it is?!" The flea just didn´t want to give up his job?! What the fuck was he saying?!

"Shizuo, Shut up okay! It´s not your business!" Izaya shouted tightening his fists. God, that dumb protozoan, couldn´t he just give it a rest?!

Shizuo flinched at that.

Not his business-

NOT HIS FUCKING BUSINESS?!

"Not my business, yeah..?!" he growled, but Izaya still was indifferent, glaring at him, and not seeming as if he were about to take back anything he said.

"Tch, you know what?!" Shizuo yelled, grabbing his clothes from the floor. "Fuck you!" and with that he went to the door and slammed it shut.

Izaya just stood there screaming a "Fuck you too-!" before he went into the bath, slamming the door shut as well.

He was furious beyond words.

"Damn protozoan! Who does he think he is?!" Angry he took one of the soaps lying on the sink and threw it against the wall. "Why did he have to bring that up?! Why?!"

Another one ended up being thrown. "He doesn´t know a single thing!"

"Why huh?! Everything was so nice, and now you just had to ruin it!" He was just about to grab something else to throw from a cupboard, he didn´t even care what, just something to leave his anger out on, but he stilled as he reached into it.

His sight fell on his arm, covered in hickeys.

"Stop being an information broker."

…

He brushed over them, pausing his furious outburst for a moment.

…

Shizuo…

… just meant well… right?

…

A heavy sigh escaped is lips as he leaned onto the sink, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

He really was stupid…

It wasn´t his fault…

"Stop being an information broker you say…" he sighed as he calmed down a bit.

He was being unfair to the blond… and he knew it. And he was lying…

Shizuo was right. No matter how he looked at it, he knew he was right, he knew it would be better for him to stop this dangerous work… but…

"Tch... seriously, Shizu-chan, you don´t know how much I would love to do that…" he mumbled as he touched the cold glass.

"I really would love to do that…" he frowned... his expression turning a bit sad as he trailed his fingers along the mirror.

He was lying when he said he just didn´t want to. Of course he wanted to stop, but he had no choice.

"… I can´t… seriously…" but he couldn´t say that. He couldn´t tell the blond.. if he did- no he just couldn´t and that´s it.

He already got his sisters mixed up in this.

He wouldn´t drag Shizuo into this too, no matter what.

He smiled pained at his own reflection as he remembered Shizuo´s reaction before…

"Shizuo... is angry now… ne?" A heavy sigh escaped his lips.

"Damn... " he didn´t want that to happen.. He didn´t want the blond to be mad at him... He didn´t…

Heh… weird. For the first time in his life he actually didn´t want Shizuo to be angry…

…

It was so nice before.

Shizuo was so nice before, it felt so right, this whole morning… and now… he ruined it.

He. Not Shizuo.

It was his fault alone.

And he had no way to explain it to the blond.

"Ne, cheer up Izaya." He mumbled as his fake smile broke more and more. "Conceal, don´t feel, that´s the key, right?" he reminded himself. It has always been his policy, always been the way he did things… but now.

His smile dropped as little tear drops fell from his face.

But he felt. He felt so much. He felt the love he had for Shizuo; he felt the anger, the guilt, and the unbearable pain when Shizuo left…

"Tch.. can´t even stick to my own rules…"he rubbed at his eyes, trying to get those damn tears away… but they just didn´t stop.

They just got more… and more… streaming down his face relentlessly.

He dropped down to his knees, sitting on the cold bathroom floor.

"Shit, I love Shizuo..." he sobbed, "why do I always have to ruin everything?"

Stop being an informant.

"I really… I really want to do that." he cried.

"But I can´t Shizuo…"

"I can´t…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww, poor Izaya, he wants to leave, he is in serious trouble, but caaaaan´t… and why? – Not telling yet~ ;P xD


	21. Escalation

-Outside of the apartment. Right after the fight. Shizuo´s point of view.-

"FUCK!"

CRASH

Why?! Why did it have to turn out like this?!

CRASH

Why?!

CRASH

CRASH

Slowly but surely the lamp post right in front of Izaya´s spare apartment ended up looking less and less like a normal lamp and more and more like a wrecked piece of metal.

"Damn…!"

He hated it…!

He hated it so much!

Not exactly the things Izaya had said before- sure he was still hella fucking angry about that too, but what angered him even more was actually something else.

It was the fact how this whole morning ended.

Izaya confessed his love for god´s sake!

They had sex for god´s sake!

Everything started so well...

And now they had a quarrel that bad they told each other to go fuck themselves?!

"Fuck it!"

CRASH

Now the lamp post really was unrecognizable. It had bent to a degree where it almost looked like one of those abstract art objects Shizuo never really came to like.

Sighing, he looked at the work he did and rubbed his temples.

He had to calm down.

Acting like that would get him nowhere… what was he even doing?

He loved the flea and told him to go fuck himself…

Well, he did anger him a lot.

But still…

Ah fuck...

Why do I have to feel bad now?!

He was the one starting this in the first place, saying shit like he just doesn´t want to quit his job!

Annoying…

He hated the fact that they were arguing now.

Why did he even say that in the first place?

Was the flea really that kind of insane person that actually liked being in such danger the whole time?

Well... Izaya did anger him for fun just so he would chase him and try to kill him.

"Insane flea…"

But that was a different matter. He wouldn´t… nah, he never has really had the intention to kill the flea.

He never really intended to. Even before he came to love him.

Would have been weird if he were suddenly gone.

He sighed as he went up the stairs to their apartment.

He should... he should talk to him again.

Yelling like that wouldn´t change anything. The flea was just as stubborn as him.

If he didn´t do anything now… ah damn…

Hesitant he slowed down as he was about to open the door.

…

What should he even say?

He was still hella angry at the flea for saying stuff like that even though he was just worrying.

And it was his life that was in danger anyway!

He couldn´t be serious when he said he wanted to be an informant- or was it that weird love for all humans he had that made him say that?

Was it that?

That damn hobby of his?

"Tch-" he thought he more or less knew what Izaya was thinking about, but this just now, showed him, how he actually didn´t know the flea at all.

He let himself drop down right next to Izaya´s apartment´s door and took out a cigarette.

Closing his eyes, he inhaled the soothing nicotine.

What should he do?

With one hand in his pocket and the other on his cigarette he sat there, one leg propped up and looked at the door next to him.

He had no clue what to say to reverse this whole situation.

…

He was kinda sorry for parts of what he said… but... still!

Confused he ruffled through his hair.

However, his effortless thinking soon came to an end when suddenly the door creaked.

Startled Shizuo´s head snapped into its direction.

Izaya came out of it.

The surprise was obvious when he looked down to see Shizuo sitting there on the ground.

"Izaya…" Shizuo started, but paused.

His eyes were kinda red… weren't they...?

"I have to go somewhere." Izaya suddenly declared, the astonishment leaving his expression quickly, voice cold as ice, and not wavering a bit as he turned his eyes away.

"...huh?" Shizuo looked confused at the raven while getting up.

Sighing Izaya closed the door.

"Well, someone needs to clean after what happened yesterday, right?" the raven answered.

Shizuo cringed at those words.

"Oh... right..." Those two damn assholes...

They hurt Izaya...

Shizuo frowned as the most recent events passed through his mind.

And he… probably hurt… if not killed them. He really felt bad about the events that took place yesterday. Especially because Izaya got dragged into things that weren´t even his business.

He already had a life dangerous enough as it was, he didn´t need to add these now a well.

Tch... Now he wanted to stop quarreling with the flea even more. But...

"Well then..." Izaya shrugged and suddenly started moving, intending to pass by Shizuo.

"Izay-"Shizuo tried to say something-

"Shizu-chan-" but Izaya interrupted him before he could even finish his name.

"I have no interest in talking to you right now. Just leave it."

Eh?

Surprised Shizuo stared at the informant. But he didn´t look like he was joking.

"Tch…" what the hell?! He just wanted to talk about it, and he wasn´t even willing to do that?!

It was partially his fault too!

But the informant just ignored him and went on, quickly disappearing down the stairs as Shizuo stared after him quite frustrated and dumbfounded, and of course- furious.

"Fine! Suit yourself!" he yelled after him, tightening his fists.

But he got no answer back.

"That damn..!"

What the hell did he do wrong now?!

Aaahh…!

"So fucking frustra-!" CRASH

…

Eh…?

…

…

"OH SHIT-!"

Shit shit shit..!

I broke the door...!

He had been in such a rage he just turned around and carelessly punched his fist into the door.

Into. The. Door.

In other words, right through it- leaving a pretty neat hole in it.

Oh damn, the flea will kill me if he sees that…!

Fuck…

Sighing he shuffled through his hair.

Now Izaya was gone… he missed his chance to talk to him.

I fucked that up, didn´t I…?

What if I don´t want to quit?!

…

Why did he say that?

Thinking Shizuo went inside the apartment, closing the door, now decorated witch a nice hole, and dropped down on the bed.

He stared aimlessly at the ceiling.

Why did he actually say that?

Somehow… now that he thought about it… he didn´t think the flea really meant it that time.

He said it so… So weird. Like he was running out of good arguments or stuff.

But why? If Izaya really just didn´t want to quit… wouldn´t he have been more… calm about it?

He knew the flea could get angry and furious too, but somehow, he would have expected him to react in a calmer way, maybe confuse him with words he didn´t know and throw him off that way.

He could have easily said stuff like he just didn´t want to talk now or just avoid or change the topic quickly.

It´s not like he would have had any problems doing that.

So then… why did it sound so forced?

..

Maybe it wasn´t true?

That thought somehow struck him as very true.

He sat up again.

Actually, it would make sense.

The way he behaved before, made it almost seem as if this was a topic he didn´t want to talk about at all, like he wanted to avoid it, or like…

…

…

Was he maybe lying?

Shizuo pondered on that thought.

Actually… he still had a lot to learn about the flea, for example… what the hell he was so afraid of…?

He was having nightmares- about what?

And that last time… he still couldn´t make sense of that one time, when Izaya didn´t know yet that he was in love with him.

He wanted to leave to investigate that company again, right after he almost got killed there.

Shizuo wanted to push the bookshelf in front of the door… and Izaya kind of… well... freaked out?

Guess you could say so, for the flea to be begging him to stop- that sure was one hell of a personality change.

Or what about that man? That old man with his dog?

If he really was dangerous... why did he tell him where Izaya was? Or was that just again some kind of freakish plan like the one from Ryosuke?

He realized he knew almost nothing about the flea at all.

Not even when they went to school.

He had never even seen his parents.

The only thing he knew was that he had two siblings.

But that´s pretty much it. He didn´t even know what the flea liked doing, except eating Ootoro and observe humans.

He talked so often about that he bet half of Ikebukuro knew it as a fact.

But aside that?

He always had kind of a mask put on when he was talking to anybody, even to him.

…

Except once…

When he cried.

That night where he had a nightmare… he cried. He lost his cool act and actually cried.

But his words contradicted his actions then. He yelled at him, to just leave him alone and stuff, but when he hugged him to calm down… he actually held onto his shirt after all, right?

Yesterday too. He showed his real face when he told him that he loved him.

Suddenly Shizuo connected the dots.

Could it be Izaya had a bad habit of lying when it came to his true feelings…?

He would become overly upset and agitated and lie about stuff he didn´t want to admit.

So before…

Shizuo frowned. When Izaya said he did want to quit his job, wasn´t he acting all weird too?

Maybe he actually wanted to quit it? But why didn´t he then?

Suddenly he remembered how Izaya´s eyes were kinda reddish when he came out of the apartment.

He rubbed his temples guilty as he realized something.

He…

He didn´t... cry... right…?

… No way … he wouldn´t … just because...

…

But the more he pondered on that option, the more everything seemed to make sense.

The way he tensed up when Shizuo said those bruises were his fault… he probably feared for him to leave because of that.

But just because of that quarrel he wouldn´t actually cry, would he?

No...

Exactly because of that…

Ah shit…

…

I hurt him... didn´t I…?

\- Izaya´s point of view. In an alley. An hour later.-

"Okay, so then here is the code."

"Perfect" Absent minded Izaya received the USB. His thoughts should have been here, at the scene of this deal, but instead they were wandering about somewhere entirely else.

They were more busy thinking about a certain blond than this guy in front of him.

…

Shizuo probably wanted to talk about it again... ne?

Izaya sighed. He was completely surprised when he went out of the apartment and found the blond to be sitting next to his door.

He was sure he left.

At least that was what he thought he would do.

He felt guilty, thinking about how Shizuo actually managed to calm down in that short amount of time and already make up his mind to just talk about it again.

He did that just thinking of me, ne?

And he went and brushed him off like that.

Guilty.

Oh, did he feel guilty.

"So, when do we meet next?"

"Eh?" Startled Izaya realized the client was still waiting for an answer from before.

"Ah sorry, I thought about something. Well, about the next meeting- there won´t be one."

"What? What is that supposed to mean?" the client looked rather confused, but Izaya just grinned. He should better concentrate on the here and now.

"Ah, that was the last time. I don´t need you anymore~" he smirked. This client had already fulfilled his purpose. He didn´t need him any longer.

"Huh?!" the client wasn´t all that happy to hear that decision though.

"Are you serious?!" he asked, suddenly pulling out a gun from his coat, pointing it right at Izaya.

However the raven didn´t plan to just stand there waiting to be shot- quickly he flipped out his own knife and skillfully threw it right at his client´s hand to make him drop the gun.

He succeeded of course.

Hissing the guy held his now a tad bleeding hand.

"You… You will pay for this Orihara!" to Izaya´s surprise, he charged at him barehanded now instead.

Quickly he leaped to the side, barely avoiding getting punched into the face, and already was about to make a run for it.

But the guy didn´t let him do so. Before he knew it something, namely that guy´s hand, had taken a hold of his jacket, and dragged him to the ground.

"Ah!" A slight gasp of pain escaped Izaya´s mouth, when the guy suddenly stepped right on his wrist, making it emit, a slight cracking sound.

"Tch!" quickly he dug into his coat´s pocket and pulled out a few of his flick knife, aiming right at the guy.

"AAH!" a scream was heard he had no idea where, but he probably hit the guy, and he felt the grip loosen on his coat, quickly he got up from the ground and dashed away. He had no interest in facing an opponent when one of his hands was already slightly injured.

So he ran. Quickly, he sprinted along the streets, turned into various alleys, not turning around once, to make sure the guy, if he was following him, wouldn´t catch up.

Only after about 20 minutes of running he finally stopped.

Panting, he turned around. There was no-one.

He lost him.

"Haha, dumb guy." He laughed; relieved he got away, and started examining his left wrist.

It hurt a lot and he was sure there would be a large bruise soon.

But it didn´t seem to be broken.

Maybe cracked?

It definitely hurt too much to just be grabbed too hard, and that weird sound before definitely sounded like something slightly cracking.

…

Maybe he should have Shinra take a look at it? On the other hand though… that protozoan would probably flip out of that doctor really put some bandage on it. He would probably overreact.

Maybe he should just shrug it off as a simple bruise.

If… the blond was even willing to talk to him…

He sighed.

He couldn´t tell him what was going on, but he wanted to end this pointless fight.

But how?

"Ah, hello Orihara-san." Startled Izaya´s head snapped the direction of the voice. It was Mikado Ryugamine.

Relieved, he exhaled. He almost thought that guy might have followed him that far.

"Hello Ryugamine-kun~ what are you doing in this part of town~?" he asked, wondering why Mikado would be all the way over here. He knew the guy was living rather far away from where they were.

"Ah... I am just meeting Anri-chan in that restaurant up ahead." H admitted, blushing a bit.

"Heeeh~" Izaya grinned; oh that high schooler sure was fun to tease. "So it´s like that with Anri-chan? I see~" he grinned. Mikado almost blushed instantly at his remark.

"Ah, no, no, that´s not how it is, I mean, we are just friends and uhm…" he struggled with words.

Izaya chuckled; he was so obvious in his behavior.

"I get it, I get it. Well, not that I care." He decided to drop the topic, he had other things to do now anyway- for example going home and confront that blond already about this morning.

Urgh... He couldn´t help but feel like a coward for basically running away from a confrontation like that in the morning.

Suddenly he noticed Mikado was kind watching him in a weird way.

…

"What?" he asked after a while. "Do I have something on my face?" startled by the question Mikado quickly shook his head.

"No, that´s not it... it´s just…" He played with his fingers nervously trying to find words.

"Can I ask you a question Orihara-san?"

"Ah question?" Wondering what the school kid could want to ask him he nodded.

"What do you wanna know?"

"Are you in a relationship?"

Izaya almost chocked on air when he heard the question.

"Am I- what?!" He couldn´t help but immediately think of the blond when he asked that- but why did he want to know that all of a sudden?!

"Well..." Mikado played nervously with his hands again "there… is certain rumors going around, you know…"

Izaya stayed silent, just wondering on his own.

A rumor…?

"Pease, don´t be mad Orihara-san, but uhm... well… people think... you and Heiwajima-san... are dating."

…

What…!?

Izaya really had to hold himself back to not just blurt out how the hell they came to that conclusion and give himself away with it.

He tried playing it off.

"How did they reach that stupid conclusion? Did they hear Erika´s talk? Really now, you shouldn't believe rumors Mikado-kun." He advised, trying to not let himself show anything.

However Mikado was still quite fidgety, and... Avoiding his eyes?

"Well… uhm... Actually… me too. I mean… I saw you two yesterday. And you uhm… you were... Making out..?"

…

Ooooohhhhh shhiiiiit…

Izaya felt like burying himself in a deep dark hole…

He saw!

He saw! He saw! He saw!

Izaya couldn´t even do anything to prevent that damn heat rushing to his face.

God… Mikado saw that yesterday! When they were-

Oh god thinking about it, they weren´t exactly only kissing, right?

They were more or less grinding against each other all the way to their apartment…

Oh god... where did he see them…?

He started laughing nervously, and just waved his hand.

"No no, Mikado-kun, you must have mistaken me for someone else." He tried to convince the high school student, but he didn´t exactly look like he bought it.

Oh this was awkward now.

"Anyway. I have to go now, have to hurry somewhere, so, well see you sometime again."

And with that line he made his leave so quickly, Mikado couldn´t even say good bye so fast he dashed away.

Oh god... he was beyond embarrassed! He saw!

Who knew who else saw them?!

He was so sucked up by the whole incident, he didn´t even think about someone maybe seeing them!

How should he explain? Should he even explain?

Actually he couldn´t!

If he were to find this out... no, he didn´t want to drag Shizuo in anything.

Ahhh... so annoying.

Frustrated, he made his way home.

…

Well… maybe before thinking about this kind of things he should check if the blond was even willing to be still with him…

He didn´t really doubt it… but… who knew? That blond was always unpredictable.

Somehow the thought made him feel bad.

He wouldn´t… leave him now... would he?

Damn…

He had to talk to him properly.

\- An hour later. Both´s point of view. In front of their apartment.-

Izaya inhaled deeply.

There he was…

Standing right in front of their apartment

…

There was a hole in the door…

That was the first thing he noticed when he came home.

…

It´s not that he was angry about it, no… actually he wasn´t… he was sort of glad Shizuo didn´t break anything else, beside the door.

Some kind of paper was clumsily tapped over the hole to at least prevent people from looking in.

But Izaya could see that the light was burning inside…

So… Shizuo must be inside, right?

Awkwardly, he scratched his head. He still didn´t know what to do or say.

Preferable he would like to just forget this whole matter, go back to how it was in the morning…

He sighed. He had to talk to the blond anyway… and so while taking one last deep breath, he pushed the door open.

Just as he guessed.

Shizuo was inside, looking almost as if he was waiting for him.

"Hey Shizu-chan." Izaya tried, even smiled a bit, but the deep frown placed on Shizuo´s face stayed where it was instead, something akin to a hurt expression began to show on his face.

… Was he still pissed off? Or worse… hurt by his words…? What did he say again?

It´s not your business!

Oh... damn.

Shizuo didn´t say a word. Just stared at him, with that look of his.

"Shizu-can, do you plan on ignoring me now?" Izaya tried, knowing pretty well, that staring at him didn´t actually count as ignoring each other, but he couldn´t stand this silent tension any longer.

Shizuo however had a quick retort.

"You didn´t seem to have a problem doing the same earlier." Ouch, that hurt.

"Okay, look I am sorry about that." the raven said, looking down.

Silence.

… Did the flea really cry?

Shizuo couldn´t help but wonder about it.

Anyway, he could ask about that later, for now he had to listen what the flea would say.

"Then you will quit your job?" Izaya flinched at that. He averted his gaze as he answered the question in a way Shizuo definitely didn´t want to hear.

"No. I won´t." he expected the blond to get angry now or yell again.

To his surprise, however, there was no yelling following. The opposite, Shizuo still seemed as calm and tense as he was before. But he didn´t snap.

A sigh escaped his lips as he sat down on the bed.

He had to keep his temper.

Getting angry at Izaya for saying the same thing he did in the morning would lead to nothing. He already expected that answer anyway.

"You won´t change your mind I guess?" he tried again.

The raven slowly shook his head.

Somehow Shizuo didn´t know how to feel about this. On the one hand Izaya was telling him he would continue to put himself in danger, but on the other hand he at least didn´t lie about it.

Izaya meanwhile was very anxious.

Why was Shizuo so calm? What was he thinking?

What was he trying to do by asking those questions?

He didn´t want to tell him now he would leave or stuff, right?

Suddenly Shizuo got up and approached Izaya. The raven was so startled he unintentionally retreated a step.

"Izaya… I wanna know something. Will you answer me truthfully?" Izaya gulped at that question. He was about to reply something when Shizuo continued.

"It´s not about your work."

Oh…

A bit confused Izaya looked at the blond.

…

What else did he want to know?

He nodded hesitantly.

"Okay. Ask."

"Did you cry before?"

"Eh?" Surprised Izaya´s eyes widened-

How-?!

Ehh?! How did he know that?!

Or better, why was he asking that?!

"No I didn´t!" he replied almost instantly and slightly hushed. However, what happened next really dumfounded him.

Suddenly there were hands.

Two of them, wrapping around him and trapping him in a hug.

"Shizu-"

"You liar…" he squeezed tighter. Izaya froze at the words.

"So you really did cry."

"Eh? How do you get that idea? I said I didn´t!" he tried to defend, but somehow he got the feeling Shizuo knew. For what reason so ever.

Tch… damn protozoan… always is doing the most unexpected things…

Shizuo knew. The moment Izaya replied in that hushed voice, the same kind of tune he used when he was crying, the same he used when he said he wanted to be an information broker… he knew he was right.

For what reason the flea might have, he lied to him today, that was a fact. And Shizuo made him cry… this was also a fact.

"Izaya I am sorry… I didn´t want to-" suddenly he paused.

His sight had fallen on Izaya´s left arm. There was a bright blue bruise on it.

"Izaya what´s that?" he asked alerted, and shoved up the sleeve before the raven could protest.

It looked really bad.

"Ah, that´s just-"

Shizuo frowned.

"Just?!" he looked at the flea worried. He wouldn´t let Izaya play this off as nothing!

"Who did this?! One of those shady people?!" he asked.

Someone hurt him!

He couldn´t stand others hurting Izaya!

"Look, I just didn´t pay enough attention, it´s not that bad, it´s just-"

"Don´t you fucking play it down! I told you it was dangerous to do that job! I was right!"

"Shizu-chan, that was only my fault I didn´t-"

"Stop saying it was your fault! Did you do it yourself or was it done to you, hah?!"

"Tch- forget it you don´t understand it anyway!" and with that he turned around, heading for the door-

He wanted to run!

Again!

Oh no, he wouldn´t let him, not this time!

He wouldn´t let him go cry again on his own!

"Izaya wait!" he just wanted to hold him back, to keep him here.

Without thinking, he grabbed the first thing of Izaya he got a hold of.

His hand.

CRACK

His left hand.

"AAAH!"

His already hurt hand-

A pained scream tore from Izaya´s lips.

Immediately Shizuo let go.

"Ah! You- you damn protozoan!" Izaya swore, cradling his hand in front of his body.

Fuck it hurt! Shit!

Before it was probably just cracked, but now- shit!

He tried moving it only to flinch in pain.

Damn, now it was definitely broken!

"Tch, Shizu-chan you´re so dumb you broke-!" suddenly he completely froze.

He froze when he saw Shizuo´s expression.

Too late it dawned on him.

Too late he realized-

"Oi Shizuo, it´s not your fault it´s been cracked already and-"

He just now hurt him unintentionally.

"-it´s not your fault, anything would´ve broken-"

He hurt him

He .hurt. him.

And he dashed-

"SHIZUO!"

The door was open in seconds, and the flea couldn´t even move as fast as the blond brushed past him.

"SHIZUO WAIT!"

But the moment he was out on the street the blond was already out of sight.

"SHIZUO!"

Nothing. He was gone. Izaya felt his hands tremble as he desperately started to run around the city, searching for the blond.

He had no idea what the blond was thinking now. He had no idea what he was thinking now.

When he screamed- God he screamed because it hurt so much when he broke it. Fuck…!

What was he thinking? What was he doing? Where was he going?

Shivering he ran as fast as he could-

It wasn´t his fault! Anything could have broken his wrist by now probably!

Shit…. He stopped, grabbing his head frustrated.

"Shizuo… please- come back… it wasn´t your fault… "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww, shiiiiiitttt, goddamn Shizuo hurt him nooooo! D: xD


	22. Resolve

-The next day. Apartment. Izaya´s point of view-

Agitated Izaya sat at home- on his bed -hands propped on his knees- his stare fixated on the front door.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

He had been sitting there for hours. Literally.

Did he sleep?

No.

Not after what happened yesterday.

How could he?

He was just sitting there anxiously waiting for the blond's return.

... He will keep his promise, right? He promised he would come back…

Anxious, he brushed through his hair.

Bandages were now wrapped around his wrist.

After he and Celty had found Shizuo she drove the informant back to Shinra in order to get his hand fixed.

Even though he didn´t want to.

He could care less about his wrist.

He wanted to stay there.

Shit…

This was just so messed up.

A frustrated sigh escaped his lips.

Why does everything have to end in such a way?

No matter what he did, every time... everything ended up in shards.

No matter if it was about…

He gulped.

… About Shotaro… or... or Hono-

He shivered.

…or my parents, my sisters, Torakichi, Shiki, Shizuo … everything just seemed to start breaking down…

And he couldn´t deny that it was partly his fault…

"Tch..." he frowned, dropping back on his bed.

Who was he trying to fool? Everything was his fault…

Everything.

A sudden noise coming from the still damaged door, startled him.

He almost dropped out of bed when it suddenly opened and Shizuo was standing in the doorframe.

Disbelieving he stared at the blond-

He couldn´t believe his eyes. He was really here!

He really came!

"Shizu-" he was just about to try to talk again about yesterday, to try to get the blond to understand, that it was in fact not his fault, that it really was an accident- but then he noticed Shizuo´s expression.

It didn´t take him a second to realize that he wasn´t looking at him, but at his bandaged wrist.

Quickly he hid it behind his back, trying to get the blond to snap out of it.

"Shizuo, please listen, will you…?" he asked, approaching the blond.

He still had that weird expression he wore yesterday, and beside the fact that he was obviously avoiding Izaya´s eyes he also seemed to still be caught up in his own thoughts.

Like the day before… when they found him.

Izaya frowned. A partially angry, but also sad, expression painted his face.

The blond ignored him and just started walking towards the table. His phone was lying there.

Izaya had only realized when he got home that Shizuo forgot it.

When he tried to call him.

He followed him with his eyes as he silently went over to get it.

Izaya cleared his throat anxiously before starting to talk slowly.

"Shizuo, please, listen to me. Yesterday, that wasn´t really your fault. My wrist was already damaged. Okay, I admit it, it was one of my clients, okay?" he said, waiting for some kind of response. Any kind of response. But the blond stayed silent.

Frustrated Izaya tightened his undamaged fist.

"He stepped on my wrist, okay? I could hear it crack- you didn´t even really break it, it probably was already broken before or something." He tried again, but still no reaction.

Tch... if that damn protozoan would at least get angry…!

He would give anything, just for any kind of reaction..!

"Shizuo, come on, it wasn´t your fault! Do you even hear me?!" he asked agitated, approaching the blond.

However, the very second Izaya tried to touch Shizuo, he immediately stepped back. Avoiding the touch.

Izaya froze at that and stared at the blond disbelieving.

Did … did he just flinch away from him..?

He couldn´t believe it.

"Shizuo…" he mumbled clenching his fists.

"Don´t come near me."

Izaya froze.

Still the same.

Still the same as yesterday…

-The day before. Izaya´s point of view.-

Where?!

Frantically he ran down the streets.

Where?!

He was sweating, panting, and definitely exhausted by then. He was running through the streets of Ikebukuro for at least two hours- without stopping once.

"DAMN!"

Just where did the blond go?!

What did he plan on doing?!

He sighed, frustrated as he leaned on a lamppost, resting there for a few seconds as he panted and tried to gather his thoughts.

He had to calm down.

To think.

If he used his brain, maybe he could think of some place where the blond could be.

But… where?

The only people close to Shizuo were his brother and probably Celty.

And he bet that he wasn´t visiting either one.

His brother definitely not- because Izaya was dead sure Shizuo didn´t want to disappoint him by telling him he hurt Izaya, and Celty definitely not, cause he was sure that he didn´t wanna have Shinra there.

Damn… where?

He had no clue.

No fucking clue.

Shit. He felt so helpless.

What should he do? What if he didn´t find him?

Would he ever come back on his own?

Was he only going out to cool his head?

Frustrated, he looked into the sky.

He didn´t know!

It was dark by now, and it actually had begun to rain.

Izaya smiled bitter as he looked into the dark sky.

What a fitting weather…

He had to find him. He created this mess, and he would clean it up again.

Izaya was about to start running again, after all that stubborn blond had to be somewhere and he wasn´t giving up on finding him yet, when suddenly something caught his ear.

The sound of a horse.

Izaya would have squealed in joy if the situation wasn´t that precarious.

It was Celty.

He could spot her from afar, and she was driving in his direction. The black bike reflected the light making it glitter mysteriously in the night.

Without even thinking twice Izaya jumped onto the street.

He would make sure she stopped.

And she sure as hell did-

Startled by the crazy raven, jumping right in front of her, Celty immediately pushed the brake- quickly turning her steering wheel so the bike was slithering along the street, coming only about 2 meters before Izaya to a halt.

Furious, she shoved her PDA into his face.

(ARE YOU CRAZY?!) She asked shadows waving angrily around her. How could he just jump like that in front of her?!

What if she pushed the brake a second too late?

Izaya, however, didn´t even take the time to read what she wrote.

"Celty! Help me! It´s about Shizuo!" he blurted out instead, shoving her PDA away and looked her into the face. Well, or her helmet, how you put it.

Surprised by the sudden outburst, and only noticing now that Izaya was drenched in rain. Celty noticed that something was off with the raven.

Well more than usual.

(What´s wrong?) She asked concerned. Suddenly her sight fell on Izaya´s wrist, by now the color of the bruise had turned from dark blue to some kind of purple- definitely not looking good. Quickly she continued typing.

(What happened to your wrist?)

Izaya flinched at the question.

"Shizuo broke it-" he answered in a whisper- Celty almost dropped her PDA.

(WHAT?!) She couldn´t believe it! Shizuo broke Izaya´s wrist?!

If someone told her that a few weeks ago, she wouldn´t even have blinked if someone told her that, but NOW?!

Shizuo loved Izaya!

But before she could even finish typing in order to ask what happened Izaya already blurted everything out on his own.

"It was an accident!" he defended the blond immediately. "It´s not his fault! My wrist was already damaged before, but then he gripped my hand, and it cracked some more… now that protozoan thinks it´s entirely his fault!" he explained.

His voice was shaking, as he remembered that pained expression, that guilty face, that...

…

"Shit… please Celty, I need your help!" Surprised by the seriousness of the raven she nodded instantly. Quickly she began typing on her PDA again.

(Where is he?) But Izaya just shook his head.

"I don´t know. He ran away, I just… I just... I need to find him-"

Suddenly Celty started her bike making Izaya jump in surprise.

(Get on-) she showed him on her PDA and pointed to the backseat.

Izaya nodded quickly, getting on the black motorcycle, and they drove off.

\- A few hours later-

They looked everywhere.

Everywhere.

On each street, each alley, each park, each bar- nothing.

They even asked people if they had spotted the blond somewhere, but no.

They couldn´t find the blond anywhere.

Izaya was getting very anxious.

The urge wanting to find Shizuo got stronger and stronger.

Who knew what the brute was thinking?

He hurt him!

He only knew of one case where Shizuo actually hurt someone he cared for.

That was when he was a kid- it was some woman at a bakery. He just wanted to help her, but...

Izaya frowned and looked at his blue and purple wrist. It was still hurting.

…

Shizuo never spoke to that woman again, he didn´t even let himself show in front of her.

He just disappeared from her life.

Izaya couldn´t help but feel very anxious at the obvious threat.

Would he do the same now?

He looked around, searching for the blond, but he couldn´t see him anywhere.

He felt like crying- why? Why did this have to happen? Why…?

He didn´t want Shizuo gone- no!

Of course not!

But he had no clue what the blond was thinking! Sure, maybe he wasn´t going to do that since that happened when he was a kid and then he didn´t knew to act better, not he would…

… he would…

…

Would he really act differently?

Izaya frowned.

Who knew?!

That protozoan was and would always be unpredictable!

Izaya never knew what he would do! He never knew what the blond-

Suddenly his eyes widened a fraction as he looked at the scene passing by.

He had been looking for Shizuo for a while, but now something caught his attention.

Wasn´t there someone sitting in the park just now?!

"WAIT!" he yelled at the dullahan, rashly hitting her helmet to get her to stop.

He saw him..!

"Drive back Celty!" he said, pointing to a park they just passed.

Celty nodded, not even getting angry for the hit and quickly turned her bike around making it emit a neighing sound.

Within seconds they were back at the park.

All his senses were alerted as he let his glance slide over the dark park.

And when he saw that person sitting on the park bench, his heart almost stopped.

A wave of relief washed over him.

It was him!

It was Shizuo!

There he was! Sitting on a park bench, drenched in the rain, a cigarette, long gone out, hanging from his mouth.

Within seconds Izaya jumped from the bike and ran over to him.

However the blond didn´t even look up.

Izaya was sure he had heard him, but Shizuo showed no reaction.

He looked so... broken.

Izaya was standing right in front of him, but he still wasn´t looking up.

For the first time in Izaya´s life, he really didn´t know what to say.

"Shizuo…" he started more mumbling than speaking it aloud.

The blond´s face was tilted down, he didn´t even seem to notice that Izaya was there.

Izaya got on his knees and looked at the blond´s face.

He had no idea what was going on in Shizuo´s mind.

But it really wasn´t his fault, it was an accident! He should know that!

Maybe if he told the blond often enough he could... forgive himself?

Izaya didn´t need to be a genius to know that he was probably mentally beating himself up for what he did.

"Shizuo please listen, that wasn´t your fault…" he started. "The wrist was cracked before, okay? It was already cracked. That slight tug you gave to my hand wasn´t too strong or something- anything could have broken it by then, and-" he paused. The look Shizuo gave him didn´t even waver at his words.

He didn´t even blink.

"Are you listening?" Izaya asked softly.

…

No reply.

Izaya got frustrated.

Come on…!

"Shizuo-"

"I hurt you." startled Izaya stopped midsentence. It was only a small whisper, but Izaya heard it. He frowned at the response and shook his head vehemently.

"No you didn't Shizuo, I already told you it wasn´t-"

"I hurt you! No matter what you say!" Staggered Izaya looked at the blond. This time he had raised his voice, to a volume where one might even say he was yelling.

"Shizu-" Izaya tried.

A sole whisper, filled with guilt reached his ears.

"I hurt you."

"Tch-!" that damn…!

Angry Izaya slammed his fist on the ground.

"It was an accident!" Why couldn´t he just stop blaming himself for what happened?!

"Shizuo it wasn´t your fault! You stupid protozoan! I already told you that it was easy to be cracked, it is not your fault!"

But the blond didn´t seem like he was listening to the raven at all.

"Shizuo!" Izaya growled.

Still no reaction-

Frustrating.

"Stop ignoring me and listen! I said it wasn´t your fault! Don´t you get it? It wasn´t-"

Izaya flinched when Shizuo suddenly backed away.

He had intended to grip the blond on his shoulders, but the second he stretched out his hands Shizuo shifted away.

"Don´t get near me." Shizuo replied solemnly, stood up and started going away.

Mouth agape Izaya stared after him.

"Shiz-" he couldn´t comprehend it.

Shizuo was avoiding him?!

No!

"Shizuo!" he called, but just as he was about to run after the blond, dark shadows suddenly wrapped around him and stopped him in his movement.

Furious, he glanced over his shoulder.

"Celty?! Why are you holding me?! Let me go!" he started struggling, trying to get free.

The only thing making him freeze was Celty´s reply shoved into his face.

(It´s useless. Leave it.)

"Useless…?" he asked.

(I have seen him like that once, he won´t listen to you now, no matter what you say. Just give him time.)

"But…" Celty shook her head.

Izaya looked after the blond, who was walking away. Tears were threatening to gather in his eyes.

"Shizuo, you will come home, right? Will you? You promised me you won´t leave me, remember?" he tried, his voice cracking dangerously.

The blond paused.

…

Silence

That was the only thing greeting Izaya though.

Anxiety started building in his chest as he gulped hard, waiting for any form of response from the blond.

But nothing.

…

No word.

No shrug, nothing.

Desperate he tried again.

"Shizu-"

"Will." Startled Izaya stared at the blond.

"Eh?"

Shizuo turned around shortly. Not looking at the raven though. He was clearly avoiding his glance as he brushed through his wet hair.

"… I will come. Just… Izaya ... I am sorry…" and with that he turned around and walked away.

Izaya´s eyes grew soft as he looked after the blond.

Slowly he disappeared around a corner.

…

"Shizuo…"

With that he was gone.

-Present time-

"Don´t come near me." Izaya gulped. But the tight feeling in his chest and that lump in his throat wouldn´t go away.

He didn´t know what to do.

He didn´t know what to say.

For what felt like an eternity the two of them just kept standing there in front of each other. The tension in the air getting thicker by the minute.

No-one said a word.

It was Shizuo who broke the silence.

"Sorry…"

"Eh?" Izaya´s head, he didn´t realize having let hang down, snapped up again to meet the blond´s eyes.

Shizuo avoided his glance, though, and instead almost in a fleeing manner, headed for the door again, slightly brushing past Izaya.

"I´m sorry… I will be back…" and with that he disappeared through the front door again.

When Izaya heard the door shut, he felt something shut down inside him too.

Something deep, deep down, making his chest tighten.

He is avoiding me...

The sole thought tore at his heart.

He really is…

…

Shit…

-Shizuo´s point of view. Outside the apartment.-

I hurt him.

I hurt him.

I hurt him.

The thought had been constantly repeating in his brain since yesterday- and it wouldn´t stop.

He couldn´t stop feeling guilty, he couldn´t stop feeling... feeling like a monster.

He couldn´t stop repeating the scene over and over again.

The moment he stupidly grabbed Izaya´s hand.

The moment Izaya´s expression churned in pain.

He hurt.

He grabbed his wrist too hard.

He broke it.

It had to hurt.

He hurt Izaya.

Over and over again. The same though.

I hurt him.

He couldn´t get that scream out of his head.

That scream filled with pain-

Why didn´t he think first?

Why didn´t he realize that he grabbed the injured wrist before he did it?

Why?

Why?!

He hurt him. He did it unintentionally.

He was a monster.

And that flea... he didn´t even blame him for it! The opposite!

He said it wasn´t his fault!

Yeah, like it wasn´t his fault!

He felt sick, thinking of those cases where he went collecting debts with Tom-san.

He remembered those guys that hit their women. They would always say they deserved it or it was just an accident.

He was no better than them.

Not at all.

He hurt Izaya yesterday.

He was angry, he didn´t think, and he hurt him.

I hurt him.

I hurt him.

He didn´t deserve the flea. He didn´t deserve his love, if all he could do was hurt him.

I hurt him.

He really hurt him…

He broke his wrist.

Just by grabbing it.

He was a monster.

They had been right.

A monster like him shouldn´t exist.

The only thing he could really do was hurt.

He hurt Izaya.

He was afraid.

He was afraid of touching the raven ever again.

What if he hurt him again?

What if he got angry?

What if he just didn´t think again?

What if he seriously injured him next time?

Maybe…

He exhaled shaking.

… For Izaya´s sake…

…

…it would be better to leave after all…

-Izaya´s point of view. Apartment.-

Frustrated Izaya let himself drop on the bed.

… This couldn't go on like this…

…

It couldn´t.

First Shotaro, then his sisters, now Shizuo, even though it were almost opposite cases, still…

Everyone precious was slowly removed from his life.

Because of him. His work.

This ... situation, he was in…

This couldn´t go on like this.

He had to do something.

He was sick of this.

He had thought about it.

A lot.

This night- this whole night where Shizuo wasn´t here- he thought about it.

And he came to a conclusion.

This- couldn't go on like this.

And he was going to change this.

One way or the other.

He was willing to risk it- even if it could kill him.

Suddenly he stood up- a determined expression on his face.

He grabbed his coat and phone, quickly going outside.

He didn´t think he would actually use it... but now that things had turned out like this… he was sick of it.

Once outside, he hastily typed a number into it.

A number that he had carefully researched that night.

Beep Beep.

Waiting for the counterpart to pick up he went down the street.

Doubt was nagging at him.

Was it really the right decision?

Beep Beep

But he had no choice, right?

Bee- click

"Hello?"

He picked up. Izaya gathered all his courage. He had to do this.

"Orihara Izaya. I have a job for you." He proposed, waiting for a response.

"The goal?" Izaya cleared his throat, glancing around before whispering.

"Shiki- a member of Awakusu-kai. The current head is Dougen."

A short moment of silence greeted him-

"Awakusu-kai…?" was the doubting response.

"Got a problem with that?" Izaya asked, thinking the man would back out now.

But he was surprised at the response.

"No. Would be an honor to get one of those."

Good.

"How fast can you be?" the most important question.

"Fast. Usually I finish within a week." Acceptable.

"Succeeding rate?"

"100% so far." Well, that didn´t mean much without a scale.

"Of how many?" Izaya asked, glancing around him another time.

If someone were to know what he was doing, he would be in more than just great trouble.

"82." He nodded at the response, even though his counterpart couldn´t see it.

"Money?" the least important issue.

"2 000 000 ¥" Peanuts.

The amount of money necessary to rid him of all his problems was almost laughable.

He was about to say yes, but then he hesitated. The doubts he had were haunting him like nightmares.

What if it went wrong?

What if the guy got discovered? Sure, he has had eighty-two clients so far and didn´t slip up once, so the chance of him failing this time was really slim.

But still, he couldn´t help but notice this nagging feeling.

"Do we have a deal?" Good question.

… he should think about this once more.

Just weighing his possibilities and dangers once more.

"Give me time to think this over again. I will call you again."

"Understood." –click

He had hang up.

Thinking, Izaya leaned onto the wall of a café.

… should he really?

…

On the one hand… he could live with this. If he got Shizuo to act normal around him again and did a good job at hiding he could just continue like this.

It had only been a week, right?

Only because of those past weeks, where he really didn´t have any time for Shiki at all, things had gone out of control.

But he had been in coma for 10 days, so… it wasn´t actually his fault.

Maybe he should just try to wiggle his way out of this and sugarcoat Shiki so he would overlook this whole incident.

On the other hand though… what if something like this happened again? Shiki wasn´t a patient man. Another slip up like this, and he was sure he would keep his promise.

So… wouldn´t it be better to act now and eliminate any further dangers?

But it was risky.

… If anything went wrong…

He gulped and shoved his hands into his pockets as he continued walking.

... This… this was very dangerous.

He was risking everything with it... if anything went wrong...

He didn´t even want to imagine what would happen then.

But if he really succeeded... he would be free.

He could tell Shizuo everything, he wouldn´t need to keep silent so he wouldn´t drag him into this.

If he succeeded, there would no longer be anything left to be dragged into.

Torakichi could move back, his sisters Mairu and Kururi they would finally be out of danger.

And Shizuo…

He could tell anyone that he belonged to the blond now, without any risk.

…

He could do what Shizuo asked him then. He could stop being an informant.

He could finally quit it.

Initially, he liked his job. When he was young and didn´t know better. Really, manipulating humans, clients, the thrill of danger, everything, but after a few years, when things started to get out of hand…

He wanted to quit. Starting the day Shiki forced him to work for him and started the threatening, he wanted to quit.

If he just had kept his mouth shut that day… how would everything have turned out?

He looked at his wrist.

Bandaged- and hurt.

All of this wouldn´t have happened.

He thought about Shizuo.

Is he still beating himself up over it?

…

He bet he did.

Shit…

He flipped out his phone, searching for the blond´s number.

He had to do something about this.

He couldn´t stand Shizuo beating himself up over this. It was just his wrist; he had done worse for god´s sake!

He had slashed and stabbed the blond and didn´t react like that.

Why was the blond that afraid of his strength?

Sure, he hurt that woman at the bakery, so what? She didn´t die or anything, and he saved her as well, those mugs would have done worse- that he was sure of.

Somehow Izaya got the feeling that maybe it wasn´t just that one incident that made Shizuo that way.

Izaya decided he had to talk with the blond.

He was just about to press the call button when his phone started ringing on its own.

But it wasn´t Shizuo who was calling.

A cold shiver ran down his spine as he saw who the incoming call was.

Shiki.

He felt light headed as the fear of having been found out already took over all his senses.

Shaking he picked up.

"Shiki-san, what gives me the pleasure?" he tried asking in his normal voice, but he was sure was sure Shiki noticed the hushed tune.

"Orihara-san, I expect to meet you in 2 hours. Usual place. Don´t be late it could be fatal."

And with that he hung up.

Confused he stared at the black screen of his phone.

He wanted to meet…?

…

Why?

He had a very bad feeling about this.

And a sudden mail appearing on his phone, confirmed it.

There were pictures tagged to it.

Pictures of Mairu and Kururi at school.

Shit... I thought…! That damn old geezer!

Shizuo had to wait now.

He thought he had told him to take it and go?!

Why could he never listen to what he said?!

Furious he dialed his number.

He picked up immediately.

"Izaya? What are you-"

"Stop playing dumb! I thought I told you to take it, grab them and go?!"

Silence was the only thing resounding from the counterpart.

"Oi, old man? What-"

"They paid me a visit Izaya. They don´t accept it anymore and since our meeting- they have been here the entire time."

Izaya froze. His eyes widened.

"No way…" he mumbled.

"It´s true. Izaya, this time it´s different… They had guns with them."

Shit...

Shit, shit, shit…!

Frustrated Izaya grabbed his forehead.

At this rate… it will be exactly like last time…!

…

There was no other way.

He had no choice.

He had to do something.

He would do it.

Voice fixed and determined he continued to speak to the old man.

"Within the next three days- grab these two and go. To Russia preferable, you still have that old friend of yours?"

"Boris?"

"That one. Go there. Hide. Don´t call, or write or return until you get my permission."

"But-"

"No but this time. I am serious Torakichi. I need to handle this now. You will disappear, got that? For real. You will see when it´s safe to come back."

That shut the old man up.

For a second Izaya even wondered if he had hung up, but then he continued.

…

"Izaya, what are you planning?"

Silence…

Sorry, old man, I can´t tell you.

"Izaya-"

"Good bye." Izaya interrupted him- and hung up.

He left out a sigh as he dialed another number.

"Orihara-san?"

"I agree." A surprised snicker was heard from the other side.

"Oh, that didn´t take long. Got rid of your doubts?"

"Yes, I made up my mind. 2 000 000 ¥? I make it triple if you manage to get rid of two more individuals. They should be patrolling in the run down part of Ikebukuro. Two of them. They are members of Awakusu-kai as well. Do it within three days, but wait for Shiki until the fourth and I will double the whole sum."

A loud intake of air was heard over the phone.

"Very well. It´s good doing business with you Orihara-san." He replied, and Izaya swore he could hear the guy grinning over his phone.

Well, he just gave him the possibility to earn 12.000.000 ¥ with just one job. Of course he would grin like an idiot.

But Izaya didn´t care in the slightest. He could give the guy the entire amount of money he had in possession and he wouldn´t care.

He glanced at his phone´s clock.

... He had to go to Shiki now.

-1 hour and 30 minutes later. At Shiki´s place. Izaya´s point of view.-

Izaya gulped nervously.

Never once had he been nervous meeting Shiki. Usually he always knew what the guy had in mind or what was going to be discussed. But now?

He had no clue.

Would he threaten the girls?

Torakichi?

Did he find out what Izaya was planning behind his back?

That thought was disturbing him the most.

The anxiousness he felt only came from this single possibility. If he found out already, then it was over.

"Orihara-san, do you still know what your place is?" Shiki suddenly asked, lighting himself a cigarette.

Izaya nodded quickly.

"Of course."

"You do? What a surprise. Then, could you please tell me, why you skipped 10 full days of work? And then, didn´t answer any calls?" The way Shiki spoke was calm. He wasn´t yelling or anything, but just from his posture Izaya could see that he was damn furious.

Just that intimidating glare was more than enough for Izaya to know that Shiki was by no means as calm as he acted.

"I apologize. I have been in coma for those 10 days; the underground doctor Kishitani Shinra should be able to confirm this. As for those calls-" I got drunk with Shizuo then...

–"I lost my phone and only found it recently, I was about to call you back Shiki-san."

The Awakasu-kai member just leaned back, eyeing the raven suspicious.

A quick nod to one of his bodyguards was enough and he quickly left the room.

He brought his fingertips together and observed the raven.

"Quite the innocent remarks I would say. But just in case…" he got up from his seat and approached the raven opposite to him.

Izaya sat still. He didn´t dare to move a muscle. Instead, he just kept looking ahead as the dangerous man approached him from the side.

"You do know, just who found you that day and helped you, hm?"

Izaya flinched at that.

Of course… he remembered that day.

Shiki smirked, noticing the slight movement.

"You know what you did Izaya-san. You still remember, don´t you, hm?" he pulled out a gun and laid it on the table in front of him.

Izaya glanced down at the object.

"You know Izaya; I always wondered- to save your ass like that- was it fun?"

Izaya shook his head barely perceptible.

"Maybe you want to see that again, and that´s why you disobey me?"

"No!" Izaya blurted out, immediately realizing his mistake as Shiki glared at him.

"I mean. No. I am not disobeying you Shiki-san. It´s the truth."

Shiki exhaled some smoke from his cigarette humming.

"Ne, Izaya-san, how did it feel? You were pretty shaken when I first met you. Was death that frightening?"

The raven gulped, neither shaking, nor nodding his head.

"Hm? Or was the person that frightening, what was his name…. Hono?"

Izaya flinched at that. Shiki smirked.

"I know what you did. You know it too. And you know that he is still free and happy- maybe even searching for you? Who knows…? Maybe he will find you once more? Too bad I only know the first name; I could probably help to finally celebrate a reunion again."

A shiver ran down Izaya´s spine at the threat.

Keep calm…

He tried soothing himself.

He has no way to find him.

He is just bluffing.

Shiki just continued.

"Ne Izaya-san, did you ever want to die for what you did?"

…

"Have you thought about it before? It was your fault, and you know it."

Izaya just kept silent.

Not a single sound escaped his lips as he felt his chest tighten with guilt.

Shiki was just amused by the scene; he took Izaya´s silent behavior as confirmation of his thoughts.

"I bet you did."

Izaya swallowed.

"But even if you did, you can´t - because of me, ne? You know what would happen."

He sat down on his chair again, inhaling another breath of the nicotine.

"It was your fault." He repeated.

"Don´t you ever forget that."

Suddenly the door behind Shiki opened again.

The bodyguard from before entered the room again and approached Shiki.

Anxious Izaya watched the man whisper something in his ear.

He nodded.

"Well, Orihara-san, it seems you didn´t fool us. Doctor Kishitani Shinra confirmed your stay."

Izaya sighed relieved.

"However-" Startled Izaya stared at the guy.

However...?

"-I don´t believe you lost your phone. You´re a way too good informant to make such mistakes. I don´t know what you did, but deliberately ignoring me, I think that action alone deserves some special treatment." He snipped with his fingers and immediately the two bodyguards went over to Izaya and pulled him up from his seat.

Izaya didn´t fight. He just let it happen.

He knew if he struggled it would only get worse.

He had to accept it-

He didn´t flinch when the two men started roughing him up a bit.

When they kicked him in the stomach, and punched him in the face.

Somehow… in a weird way… he actually was glad they did it.

Shiki was right.

With everything he said…

He didn´t spend a single day not regretting that he didn´t die that day.

If he could reverse time- he would have acted differently.

But it was too late.

There was no way to change it.

Each night he was hunted by those nightmares, each night he had to endure the pain again and again, and each night... he took the wrong decision.

He deserved a beating.

After a while they stopped.

Shiki put out his cigarette and got up.

"Don´t make me wait a second time, Orihara-san. If your sisters are precious to you I expect you to never act like this again."

Izaya simply nodded and peeled himself up from the floor.

Without another word he made his way out of the room. Up the stairs and past the bodyguards guarding the front door.

He stepped out of the building, beaten both- mentally and physically.

Only a few hundred meters he dragged himself down the street before turning into an alley.

The back of his left hand found it´s place at the top of his head as he leaned on the cool wall of a building.

... He is right.

It´s all my fault.

All…

…

Slowly he slid down the wall.

I should be dead...

The feeling of guilt was eating him alive.

I really should be... he is right.

…

But… then…

shit…

He laughed sadly.

"I really am a coward... ne, pipsqueak? You always said so... you were right." He mumbled to himself.

He smiled wearily, remembering the little kid.

… shit...

A lump was beginning to form in his throat.

He felt like crying.

That guy… he just had to remind him, didn´t he?

He just had to rub it in.

To remind him.

He hated this. This whole being forced to do this, being forced to do that-

Within a few days everything would change- for the better or the worse.

He couldn´t help but shake at the thought as he got out of the alley again, wandering down the street.

He hated this, he had to rely on other people for this to work. And people could never be relied on!

This wasn´t better than a gamble!

If this went wrong… he gulped.

It would be the end.

The tension in the air was so heavy, he felt like breaking just from the knowledge of danger being there.

He flipped out his phone hesitantly.

… He wanted to see Shizuo somehow…

… The blond... he always... kinda made him feel at ease.

At least a bit.

…

Maybe he would talk to him?

He ignored his shaking hand and just dialed Shizuo´s number.

He said he wouldn´t touch him. Okay, but he would talk… right?

Or at least he hoped he would.

He would pick up, right?

But the phone rang.

And rang.

…

And rang.

…

Shizuo didn´t pick up.

Even though he definitely had his phone with him.

Suddenly anger and frustration welled inside Izaya and he almost threw his phone onto the pavement.

Only in the last second he regained his senses and refrained from doing so.

Damn…

Only because of this fucking wrist…!

He glared at his hand, as if it was at fault.

Shizuo was always there, always, but now when he really needed him for once…

Angry, he wiped at his eyes as he felt some unwanted tears trickle down his face.

It didn´t really help though.

He slumped against the railing of the bridge. He had been wandering around without thinking. Only to end up here.

He sniffed, turning around.

He looked down the railing.

Cars were driving under the bridge. Some speeding some not… there was a lot of traffic.

…

If someone were to jump down there, it would kill him, ne?

The thought popped up before he knew it.

The cars wouldn´t be able to halt in time, so even if the fall itself wouldn´t knock you dead, the following cars would.

Thinking he got up and stepped onto the railing.

He glanced down.

Yup, instant death.

…

He sighed sadly as he flipped out his phone.

He started typing a message.

A message for Shizuo.

He would end this...

Now.

-Shizuo´s point of view. Ikebukuro-

Faster!

He had to be faster!

Panting, he dashed down the streets of Ikebukuro.

What the hell was the flea doing?!

Anxious he looked at his phone´s clock.

It had been five minutes since he received that message!

Five minutes!

God, he hoped he wasn´t too late…!

He was so stupid, leaving the raven alone like this!

He wanted to avoid him, yes, but not if he knew what was about to happen!

Panting, he dashed onto the bridge Izaya mentioned.

He hoped he wasn´t too late…!

A wave of relieved washed over the blond when he saw the informant.

There he was! Leisurely leaning on the railing of the bridge.

Quickly he approached the louse.

Looking around confused in the process.

Where are they?

SMS-

Shizuo, help me! Some people ganged up in me on the Westside bridge! I can´t escape!

-Izaya

There was no-one except the flea and him on the whole bridge.

"Izaya? What happened? Where are they? Are you hurt?!"he asked worried.

However, Izaya just waved his hand in a dismissive manner.

"Don´t worry Shizu-chan, everything is alright. There was no-one threatening me here to begin with."

… what?

Confused Shizuo looked at the raven.

There was no-one?

What was he saying? He was just bluffing?

"Then why did you-"

"How would I have gotten you to show yourself?" Izaya interrupted, answering the question Shizuo was about to ask.

"Tch…" Shizuo avoided his stare.

"Izaya, if this is about last time, I don´t want to-"

"Touch me." Surprised Shizuo looked at the raven. He was holding out his hand.

He backed away.

"What?"

Izaya smiled wearily at the blond.

He hated it. He hated it all.

All he wanted was for Shizuo to be there to not feel like drowning in this whole mess, but said blond was retracting from him.

"Shizuo… that was an accident. It´s not your fault, I made you angry, you just wanted to keep me from running away, besides that wrist was damaged before anyway, it was easy to brea-"

"Shut up, that doesn´t change the fact that I hurt you!" Shizuo interrupted.

A sigh escaped the raven´s lips as he stopped leaning on the railing.

"So you never want to touch me again…?" he asked once more. The blond shook his head.

"Not if there´s a possibility I could hurt you. Don´t you see it? I am a monster."

He knew he would say that.

"Shizu-chan, look here." Without effort he climbed onto the railing and balanced on top of it.

On the one side, the save bridge, on the other side a fall to death.

"What-?" Anxious Shizuo eyed the flea.

Without warning he turned around, facing Shizuo. His coat was waving around carried by the wind. His back was turned to the abyss as he took a tiny step back.

Panicking Shizuo looked at the raven.

"Oi, what are you doing?" he asked worried, but still frozen in his spot.

Izaya shrugged.

"Hmm, I wonder. Ne Shizuo, what do you think would happen if I fell down there?" he asked glancing over his shoulder.

"Oi, izaya-"

"Would I die? Probably." He answered the question himself.

Suddenly he let one leg playfully slip down the railing, balancing on one foot.

"Stop that!" Shizuo took a few steps forward, but didn´t grab the flea, he just stood there, close enough to grab him and stared at him in utter confusion.

"What do you think you´re doing?!"

Izaya closed his eyes sadly.

Still not touching me I see.

Shizuo wouldn´t touch him.

Not if he was that scared to hurt him.

But maybe…

…

Suddenly, as if on cue the wind stopped, and Izaya´s words, cold as ice slipped from his lips.

"Ne Shizu-chan, I am going to jump now."

Shocked, Shizuo stared at him.

He couldn´t believe it.

What… did he say?

"I do hope you catch me in time..." Izaya went on, showing him one last smile.

"What are you-?!"

And then he let himself fall.

As if in slow motion Shizuo saw how the raven tilted backwards, his hands still in his pockets, not seeming like he would make any effort to try and keep standing.

He was falling.

He would fall.

He would die!

"IZAYA!" in less than a second Shizuo grabbed the flea around his waist and threw both of them back onto the bridge.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU`RE DOING?!" He yelled at the raven as soon as he found his voice again.

He didn´t get it- what the hell did he try to do just now?!

He stared at the flea as if he had finally gone insane.

Izaya didn´t even seem bothered in the slightest though.

"Trusting you." He replied, confusing the blond even more.

"HUH?! WHAT THE HELL FLE-"

"Ne Shizuo," Shizuo stopped as the flea started talking again. "-you just saved me, you grabbed me-" he stood up, stretched out his arms and looked at his whole body, as if he were checking for injuries. "-and you didn´t hurt me." He ended, showing him that he was okay.

Shizuo stared at the flea in disbelieve.

Only now it clicked in his mind. He suddenly got what the flea was trying to do.

"…Izaya… " he started, but didn´t know what to say.

"Shizuo, I know that you´re afraid that you might hurt me. When you cracked my wrist, I knew you didn´t mean to." He explained again.

Shizuo listened; yes... maybe it was true… but…

"You said it… I didn´t mean to... Next time I might even kill you without meaning t-"

"You won´t." Izaya interrupted him harshly before he could finish his sentence.

Shizuo frowned at that.

"Tch how can you be so sure!?" he asked, but suddenly Izaya leaned down, cupping Shizuo´s face.

Surprised he looked at the blond.

"You won´t."

"… Tch.."

"I know it. Shizu-chan, everyone can mess up, it´s natural, I bet I will mess up too; hell I messed up pretty much in my life so far anyway. But I trust you. Here-" he grabbed Shizuo´s hand- he let it happen- and placed it over the spot where his heart was supposed to be.

It was beating at a calm pace.

"See? Despite just throwing myself of a bridge I am not afraid or upset. You know why?" he asked looking the blond into the eyes. "Because I knew you would catch me. I knew you wouldn´t let me fall. I knew you wouldn´t hurt me. I trust you Shizuo."

Shizuo sighed.

"But still…" Shizuo tried but Izaya shook his head, shutting the blond up with just that single movement.

"No Shizuo. No buts." He ghosted a light kiss over Shizuo´s lips. "Your touch won´t hurt me. Never. Do I have to jump down there again to prove it?"

Startled Shizuo looked at the raven.

"No!" Izaya smiled a bit.

"Then forget it. It was a simple accident. Stop beating yourself up over it." he leaned forward, hugging the blond.

He let it happen.

He felt warm.

A sigh escaped his lips as he hugged the raven back.

"… I didn´t want to hurt you."

He mumbled, tightening the hug. He felt Izaya nod.

"I know." He leaned back again, but only so much so he could look the blond into the eyes.

"Then you just need to be careful to never hurt me again, ne?" he asked, a little smile tugging at his lips.

Shizuo´s eyes grew soft and he couldn´t help but smile a bit back. "Right…"

Izaya brushed their foreheads together, and smiled.

"You coming home again?" he asked.

"home"…

Shizuo smiled too.

Yeah. Home.

"Of course…" he replied. That nagging feeling, which had eaten at his heart since yesterday somehow, vanished.

Izaya was right.

He had been right all along. He should have listened to him sooner.

"Then, let´s go, ne?" Izaya said, and got up again, tugging at Shizuo´s hand.

"Right." He followed.

Really now.

How could he even think that it would be better to leave the raven?

He brushed through his hair, finally free from his worries.

He wouldn´t.

Never.

He belonged to the flea, and the flea belonged to him.

It just had to be that way. End.

Within a few minutes they had gotten down from the bridge and got themselves a taxi.

Shizuo wouldn´t have minded walking home, but the flea insisted on it.

So, well.

And so they drove home. Shizuo looked at the raven from the side.

He didn´t know why, but somehow he only noticed now… that he looked kind of pale?

"Izaya, are you alright?" he asked, brushing softly over his cold cheek.

He just left him, he didn´t think about the flea at all, he was just so overthrown by this immense feeling of fear of his own strength…

But now that he looked at him, somehow the raven didn´t look too good.

"Yeah, don´t worry."

That was the only thing he replied, giving him a reassuring smile.

…but…

Too fast.

It was a lie.

Suddenly Shizuo noticed that his cheek had a slight shade of blue.

A bruise…?

Gentle he brushed over the spot in question.

"… Izaya, where did you get that from?" he asked, frowning a bit.

But the look Izaya have him and that silent answer in his eyes made him understand.

He sighed as he retracted his hand.

"You´re not going to stop being an informant I guess…?" he asked, not loud, not accusing, he just asked.

Izaya didn´t answer.

Instead he just looked outside the window.

What is he hiding?

What is tormenting him so much? Shizuo wished he could just read his mind, that would make things easy... but this way...

Izaya didn´t know what to answer.

On the one hand... Yes, he was going to stop being an information broker- one way or the other.

But he couldn´t tell him that. He couldn´t risk anything, he had to keep all of this to himself-

This is crucial, he can`t know yet.

Shizuo sighed.

"If I ask to go with you on those dangerous deals... you will say no I guess?" Izaya tensed up at the question and nodded quickly.

"Correct."

Silence covered both of them for a few seconds.

"Izaya," Shizuo started after a while, nudging closer. "… I don´t want to lose you…. You know what scares the shit out of me? Imagining one day you don´t come home and I find you dead in an alley."

Izaya flinched.

"Heh... possible." He replied truthfully, only to suddenly find himself trapped in a pair of arms.

Shizuo hugged him tight.

"Don´t say that. Not even as a joke-" he replied, nuzzling into Izaya´s hair.

…

It was true though…

"Shizuo, too tight." He tried. He didn´t like this, he felt he was hurting the blond just with his words.

"Don´t care." He paused.

"Tch, oh now you don´t care?" Izaya responded a tad annoyed. But he was happy. The blond didn´t flinch away at his response or something.

That was good.

But then he did let go. Thinking Shizuo thought he was serious he quickly tried explaining himself.

"Ah, no it was just a jok-"

"Izaya, what is going on with you? What are you hiding?" he brushed some bangs hanging into Izaya´s face away.

The raven lowered his head.

…

"…a lot?" he tried.

"Tell me something I didn´t figure out already."

He sighed.

"Four days." He mumbled.

"What..?" Shizuo asked, not getting what the raven was talking about.

"In 4 days I will tell you everything... okay? Until then... please don´t ask." He explained.

That was true. Whether his plan worked or not- he could tell him everything in four days- cause then it would be over. Literally.

Four days?

…

Shizuo somehow didn´t like how that specific number sounded like a sort of countdown.

A countdown for what?

What was happening in four days?

But he decided, to leave it.

Whatever it was, the flea was gonna tell him.

"…Okay." he nodded.

"I can wait that long." Izaya sighed relieved.

Good.

A heavy burden was lifted from his chest with that single statement.

Now this only needed to work out.

Shivering he remembered his encounter with Shiki.

… what if it didn´t work…?

No, it will. He tried to calm himself mentally.

It didn´t really work well though.

He couldn´t drive away the anxiousness.

And Shizuo noticed it. He noticed something was nagging at the flea.

"Izaya is something wrong…?" he tried, only to see the raven shaking his head.

"... Can… can you hug me again like that…?" he suddenly asked, making Shizuo look rather surprised at the raven.

Izaya noticed his expression and quickly waved his hand, realizing what he had said.

"Ah forget it, it was stupid to-"

But he didn´t get to finish his sentence.

Before he knew it he found himself in a hug again.

"Like that?" Shizuo asked tucking the raven´s head under his chin.

Izaya smiled, hiding his face in Shizuo´s chest.

He nodded slightly.

"Nh…" Concerned Shizuo looked at the blond. Whatever was going on it was nagging at the raven. That he was sure of.

He never asked anything like this before, and he was sure if the raven wasn´t really in trouble he would never let himself appear that vulnerable.

Shizuo felt the raven was kinda shivering.

And he had a feeling it was not because he was cold.

"Izaya... are you afraid of something?" he asked.

In response the raven´s grip tightened.

"No." he replied.

Another lie.

The taxi arrived at their apartment. Reluctantly Shizuo let go of the flea as they got out of the car. But he did keep a hold of his hand at least. Izaya didn´t seem to mind. They went up the stairs.

The first thing greeting them there was the hole in the door.

Shizuo cleared his throat and rubbed his neck awkwardly.

"Ah, sorry about that."

Izaya just shrugged.

"Who cares. It´s me who caused you to do that in the first place."

Shizuo just kept silent.

Why did the flea seem so… so…?

Ahh... He couldn´t put a finger on it…

Anxious…?

Not quite the right term but it was the right direction.

Shizuo was so stupid.

He was only concerned with himself and his stupid fear, but Izaya… What happened while he was gone?

He looked at him.

Izaya looked like he was really suffering from something on his mind. He couldn´t bear seeing him like this.

Izaya was supposed to be confident, not like this.

Without another word or warning he grabbed the flea around his waist and dragged him to the bed.

A surprised yelp escaped his lips as he was lifted. With a soft thud he landed on the fleecy bed sheets.

"Shizuo?" he asked surprised, as the blond crawled on top of him and pulled the blanket over their heads.

Within a second they were hidden beneath the bedcover.

"Shizu-?"

"Look around Izaya, what do you see?" Shizuo interrupted him with the question.

Confused the raven looked at the blond.

What he saw?

…

"The blanket?" he tried. The blond nodded.

"Right and what else?" he asked, waiting for more. Izaya looked at him, still not getting what he was pointing at.

"…you?"

"Exactly." Shizuo cupped Izaya´s face gently, making the raven look at him, and only him.

"Right now, you´re at home, together with me okay? Nobody else, nothing else is here to think about." He started, playing with Izaya´s hair. "I don´t know what makes your face wear a frown that deep-" he held out his hand and poked the said frown playfully, "-but please, drop it now."

Izaya smiled a bit at the blond.

"Imagine-" Shizuo tugged at the blanket covering them. "- this blanket is now a shield from all your worries, okay? You´re safe. It´s only me and you right now." He tried.

Izaya chuckled at that.

"How silly…" he commented. Shizuo just smiled.

"Maybe it is. But I won´t let anything happen to you, okay?

Izaya´s eyes grew soft at that.

Somehow... he knew it was childish, but… somehow… it still worked.

The imagination sure was tempting.

Just Shizuo´s presence was already enough to make him feel safe.

Even if it was only for a short while.

He smiled.

"You're really-"

"Unpredictable?" Shizuo asked. Izaya chuckled.

"Amazing was what I wanted to say, but that too." Shizuo shrugged.

"I just want to make you feel better." Really now. Izaya smiled as he leaned up to the blond, his lips barely ghosting over Shizuo´s lips.

"And you´re doing a damn good job at it…" And with that he leaned in for a short kiss. Shizuo smiled, pleasantly surprised, as he returned the kiss. Slowly Izaya back away again.

"Ne… Shizuo, you´re not mad anymore…?" he asked.

"Mad?"

"You know, because of that being an infor-" Quickly Shizuo shut him up with his own pair of lips.

"Four days, right? You said you would tell me everything then. I can wait that long." He whispered.

He knew the raven didn´t actually want to be an informant, but he would keep that to himself for now.

"Stop worrying now, okay?" he playfully brushed through the raven´s hair.

"I am here. I will protect you from anything that causes you trouble."

Izaya nodded. Relieving the blond.

"I love you Shizuo… you know that right?" he suddenly said, making Shizuo smile.

"Of course. And I love you too."

And with that their lips connected once more. Playfully, lovingly, their tongues met and explored each other. A pleasant shiver ran up Izaya´s spine when the blond wrapped his hands around his lithe figure, pulling him closer. And faster than Izaya could realize he didn´t only feel Shizuo´s body warmth but also his own rising. And it wasn´t the blanket´s fault that the temperature rose that quickly.

He wrapped his arms around the blond as well, playfully toying with Shizuo´s short hair as the kiss got more passionate. He loved the way the blond subconsciously let his hands slide along his back, trailing it along his spine and made him shiver in the process.

He loved it. It was loving and arousing at the same time.

After a few minutes they stopped the kiss shortly, a thin string of salvia connecting their lips as they stared into each other´s eyes.

Izaya gulped, he craved for more.

"Shizuo, I want you." He suddenly voiced, making Shizuo pause slightly.

"Eh?" not that he didn´t want too, he was just surprised.

"Sorry…can´t I…?" Izaya asked, taking the pause the wrong way.

Shizuo shook his head quickly, chuckling a bit. The way Izaya looked like he was embarrassed by his own question was just adorable.

"Of course you can." he replied kissing him lightly on the lips while starting to trail his hands under Izaya´s shirt.

Somehow, today was different to last time.

He couldn´t put a finger on it, but somehow the flea... he gave off a... fragile feeling... somehow... like he could disappear any moment… like he had to treat him very gentle so he wouldn´t break. Kinda, making the urge of wanting to protect him even stronger.

He had no idea why.

He left Izaya´s mouth and instead let his lips trail along his jaw, down to his neck, softly placing butterfly kisses on his skin.

Izaya started giving of cute sounds that sounded like light mewls as he started sucking on a spot softly.

He wasn´t biting though, just sucking gently, nibbling at the skin, and licking over the various kiss-marks he had left two days before.

Izaya noticed the way Shizuo treated him so kind. He tilted his head questioning.

"... Why are you so gentle...?" he asked, tightening his hug around Shizuo´s neck.

"… cause you look like you could break." Shizuo answered making Izaya look confused at the blond.

But he didn´t get to reply anything as Shizuo let his hands trail down to the already forming bulge beneath his black pants. He cupped the arousal through the fabric and squeezed it softly making Izaya moan in delight.

He squirmed trying to get more friction but Shizuo wouldn´t give it yet.

He just let his hand stay there, letting it, in what seemed to Izaya like slow motion, rub over the bulge.

His mouth was meanwhile occupied with his chest. While he shoved Izaya shirt up with one hand his lips kissed a trail along Izaya´s chest causing shivers to run down his spine.

He wanted to make Izaya feel good.

"Shizuo… I won´t break, I told you, it´s okay, right?" Izaya replied, worried that the blond might just be afraid to touch him.

But Shizuo shook his head.

"I know, that´s not it. Just enjoy." He mumbled against the smooth skin causing vibrations to ripple over it.

Izaya gasped slightly at the feeling and curled his toes. This was totally different to last time.

This wasn´t rough and fast, lust driving them, but slow and… filled with passion. He couldn´t possibly chose what he liked better.

Suddenly Shizuo started rubbing Izaya´s member a tad harder through the fabric while leaning up to suck on his neck again.

A moan escaped his lips. He never knew he was sensitive on his neck until he met Shizuo.

He felt the blond´s lips curl into a grin as the moan reached his ears.

"You like that?" he asked, suddenly pressing down on his crotch, making Izaya gasp in surprise.

A nod was all he managed as he concentrated on that pleasant feeling.

Suddenly Shizuo shifted, shortly retracting his hand from Izaya´s arousal, making him whine at the loss.

But when Shizuo pulled his legs apart, crawled between his thighs and his own by now hard on pressed against Izaya´s clothed member he tried hard to bite back a moan.

The sensation was overwhelming, especially when the blond started to grind down on the raven, he couldn´t help but let his voice go out of control.

"Ah… Shizuo…" he mouthed a breathy moan as he tightened his grip around the blond.

That tongue was suddenly attacking him yet again, and now that Shizuo had two hands free, he used them both to torment him by slowly brushing them around both his nipples, softly rubbing them making Izaya arch his back into the touch.

Panting Izaya closed his eyes, he had no idea why he was that sensitive to the blond´s touches today, but they almost drove him insane.

He could already feel the heat pooling in his abdomen.

"Shizuoohh… " he moaned his name, tightening his grip.

Shizuo swallowed hard at that. The moan went directly south and caused him to feel more and more uncomfortable in his tight pants.

He smirked as he let a hand trail down to Izaya´s crotch. He could tell that the raven was overly sensitive today and that he was rather close.

Without warning he dipped down into Izaya´s pants and gripped Izaya´s length, already dripping wet with pre-cum.

"Aah!" Izaya back arched at the touch and he moaned loudly- "Shizu- Aaahh!" it was too much. The sudden assault of pleasure drove him over the edge.

He felt pure pleasure shoot though his system as he came inside his pants. Gasping, he caught his breath. The blond paused a second.

"That fast…?" he asked a slight chuckle hidden in his voice.

"Shut up…" Izaya replied embarrassed, hiding his face under his arm. Shizuo smiled, moving them away.

"Izaya…" he started, licking his earlobe. Izaya shivered at that. "Give me a hint." He said, backing away again.

"What´s worrying you so much?" However the look Izaya gave him made him shake his head again quickly.

"… sorry, forget it…" he mumbled, leaning down for a kiss again.

His tongue slipped inside Izaya´s mouth, exploring it deliciously as he felt Izaya´s play with his own.

Only after a minute they paused their kiss.

Shizuo was about to attack those moist lips again, when Izaya started mumbling.

"… there... is a possibility of failure and success." He started, making Shizuo stop.

"Failure and success…?" the raven nodded.

"One means the worst possibly outcome- the other the best. I can´t control it…" he admitted, thinking about the deal he made today.

"How probably is the best outcome?" Shizuo asked, getting rid of his own shirt.

"… very probable actually… but what if-" suddenly the blond kissed him, shutting him up efficiently. In a second Izaya´s shirt was tossed aside as well. Izaya looked at the blond questioning.

"You said you can´t control it right? And the best outcome is high possible, right?" Shizuo repeated. Izaya nodded.

"Then why not hope for the best?" he asked, unbuckling Izaya´s pants and slipping them off. He wasn´t just out for sex, but he got the slight feeling that Izaya maybe would stop talking if he stopped doing what he did as distraction.

"But what if…" Shizuo interrupted him yet again.

"Not if. Just believe in the positive okay? I bet it will work- has ever something you planned not worked?" he asked, kissing his neck and collarbone.

Izaya shivered at the touch, but thought about it.

A little smile tugged at his lips.

"Yeah usually when it involved you." He admitted chuckling a bit. Shizuo smiled at that response.

"But it doesn´t involve me, does it?" Izaya hesitated a moment.

"… No."

"Well then…" he smiled, kissing him shortly on the lips. "It´s going to go well, okay?"

Izaya´s eyes softened.

Somehow… he couldn´t help, but kinda… believe it... even if just a tiny bit.

Shizuo was right after all.

He didn´t fail once so far…

So now…

He relaxed a bit. Actually it was true.

Why was he wondering so much? It was just another plan.

He almost never failed at reaching his goal when he followed his plan.

Even if he had to involve people that he couldn´t really rely on.

He could still manage it somehow.

He relaxed.

He really was right.

Shizuo noticed the way Izaya ceased being tense and nodded.

"Better." He commented, getting rid of Izaya´s underwear.

The raven gasped as his length was exposed.

It was still slick with his own cum and hard yet again.

A hand trailed down and gripped the length, making Izaya´s body arch.

"Nnnh…!" he panted, holding onto the blond´s shoulders as he gasped for air.

But... he wanted to do something else.

He pushed at Shizuo´s chest. The blond took the hint and sat up, giving Izaya room to follow.

In one swift movement they changed positions and Izaya sat on top of Shizuo, the blanket dropped down, not that they even noticed.

He looked at the blond, face flushed, his eyes hazed and body glistening in sweat as his trembling erection stood straight.

Gulping Shizuo took in the sight that was in front of him.

God he looked hot.

"Inside…" Izaya mumbled. "Wanna have you."

Shizuo reached out to the raven, wanting to touch him, but he shook his head and slapped his hand away playfully.

"No... touching." He panted, suddenly getting on his knees. Shizuo almost came then and there when the raven stuck three fingers inside his mouth and started covering them in salvia.

Izaya´s face was only a few inches away from his own as he kneeled there, one arm leaning on Shizuo´s chest for support.

The one with the broken wrist.

Shizuo gulped heavily at the image. Having the raven pant so close to him, he had to try hard to control himself-

Was Izaya going to…?

He really had to hold back to not move when the raven retracted the fingers and reached behind him.

... God he was really doing it.

"Aahh…" Izaya moaned when he inserted one of his long slim fingers inside himself.

Fuck.

Shizuo´s eyes turned dark as he looked at the extremely arousing sight in front of him.

Quickly he unbuckled his pants, freeing his by now hurting erection and let it spring free.

The desire to just take the flea already was overwhelming. But he waited.

A second finger, quickly followed the first and Izaya´s breath started coming in quick puffs.

"Ah!"

Shit, he could tell how much it aroused the raven. He was starting to move his hand faster, his hips thrusted back onto his own hand as he finger-fucked himself.

Instinctive Shizuo reached out his hand and grabbed Izaya´s length, pumping it in time with Izaya´s movement.

"AH! Shizuo..!" it made him almost go insane. He quickly inserted the third finger, not wanting to wait any longer, he scissored them, and spread himself. They didn´t reach as far as the blond did. He wanted more.

With one swift movement he retracted all of them and positioned himself over Shizuo.

Once, twice more he stroked the blond´s hard length, before placing the tip at his entrance.

He wanted it now.

Then he slid down.

"Aaaaaahh…!" a drawn out moan escaped his lips as he impaled himself on the pulsating cock.

"Izaya…!" Shizuo moaned with a breathy voice.

For a moment they stilled. Izaya could feel the blond all the way inside- deeper, than before.

Shizuo panted at the feeling.

"Are… you okay?" he asked panting, placing his hands onto Izaya´s hips.

He nodded.

"So… aah.. deep inside…"

"Damn you´re hot Izaya…" suddenly the raven started moving. Slowly he pushed himself up, feeling the length slip out of him a little bit before he slammed down on it again- hitting his prostate dead on-

"AH!" A scream tore form his lips at the feeling and he pushed up again, wanting more, more of that feeling!

He shivered.

"Shizuo… ! Ah! God, feels so... aaah…! Good…!"

Up and down he pushed himself. Shizuo gritted his teeth in pure bliss as he threw his head back. Shit, it felt good, god…!

He bucked his hips up every time Izaya let himself fall down again, meeting his thrusts and drawing even louder moans, whimpers and screams from the flea.

Izaya panted.

Shit he couldn´t take it anymore. The pleasure was getting too much. At a particular hard thrust he stayed still, eyes squeezed shut as enormous pleasure arched through his system.

He... he couldn´t take it anymore.

"Shizuo…" he panted trembling, staying still. "Feels so good, I can´t move…"

In less than a second Shizuo exchanged their positions. Izaya´s legs were thrown over his shoulder and he slammed inside the informant again making him scream and grip at the bed sheets.

"Ah! So Good…! Ah!. Ah! Shizuooohh! … Ah!" Izaya clung to the blond for dear live as he pounded into him, deeper, faster, god it felt... it felt-!

"Shizuaaahhh... Com-ah! Coming..!" One last time Shizuo slammed into the informant as deep as he could, hitting that spot dead on, and make the informant come twice that day. Hot walls convulsed and drove Shizuo over the edge as well.

Simultaneously they came, Izaya on his stomach, and Shizuo deep inside the informant, covering his insides with white.

Panting they laid still. Shizuo let himself collapse next to the raven. Trying to catch his breath.

"You okay?" he asked, looking at the raven. He nodded.

"S ama..ing." he mumbled.

"Hah…?" Izaya chuckled, and tried to catch his breath as he came down from his orgasm introduced height.

"Was amazing…" Izaya repeated after his panting subsided a bit. Shizuo smiled.

"Yeah." he chuckled.

"Wouldn´t have thought you would suddenly do that." Izaya blushed at that.

"Well…" suddenly Shizuo spotted the blanket on the floor.

"Ah, the blanket dropped down." He reached for it and pulled it up, covering himself and the flea with it. He chuckled making Izaya smile.

"Silly." Shizuo shook his head.

"Nope, you need protection." He commented, referring to the protecting shield metaphor form before.

"Hmm? I thought you will protect me?" Izaya countered. Shizuo kissed his forehead.

"Both will." He craddled the raven in his arms. "Just sleep now. The best blanket and I will protect you in the meanwhile." Izaya laughed.

"Oh now I feel safe."

"Good." Izaya let his eyes fall shut as he drew circles on Shizuo´s chest with his fingertips.

"Ne Shizuo, I love you." Shizuo nodded, nuzzling into his soft black hair.

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehehe~ Well.. what do you say to this chapter? xD A LOT has been happening hasn´t it? And quite a lot of things seemed to barely touch the surface~ ;3 I hope you liked the chapter~! X3 Or the way this turned out x3


	23. Growing tension

-in a secluded part of Ikebukuro. Izaya´s point of view-

…

Anxiousness.

That was the feeling that had been bugging him the whole day. Not even a single second had it let him loose.

Shizuo had done a good job, certainly. He wasn´t going to deny that in any way, of course.

Even if it was for only a short amount of time, the day before he really did make him feel better.

Really.

But the moment he woke up today, the moment he saw the blond, the moment- he just realized how happy he actually felt- it returned to him faster than lightning.

This anxiousness.

The knowledge. The simple realization that all of this could be lost in 3 days.

… it all came back crashing into him instantly and distress battered him quickly once more.

No matter how sweet and rosy Shizuo made this whole matter seem, no matter how endearing the words were Shizuo tried to soothe him with, they were useless against a wager of life and death.

...

He couldn´t stay there this morning.

Shizuo was so sweet and nice, and damn it all, he would notice it when Izaya was just putting on a mask and when he was not.

He just couldn´t keep being by his side when he knew the second Shizuo looked at him he would know he was troubled yet again.

Izaya didn´t want him to worry.

Not at all.

In fact he would prefer to just ignore all of this. Withdraw himself from everything and wait for it to pass.

Without having to actually lie to the blond.

Without having to make up a tough front.

Which... was partly the reason he cancelled every single appointment he had today.

He was tired of playing the invincible role of an informant he never was to begin with.

The moment he finished writing a little note for Shizuo, stating that he was just out for work, he slipped out of the apartment, and cancelled exactly that mentioned work he had to do.

Not that it mattered anyway, in three days, no matter how this ended, he wouldn´t need any of his resources or clients anymore anyway.

Of course he would keep them in mind just in case he needed them once, but actually he wanted to cut this off for good.

So he cancelled them all during the morning. He didn't even see the need to make up a decent excuse. He could think of one when all this passed.

And still... even though he did that, and now had all the time on the hand, he wanted, he was actually for once having a free day, but he just couldn't enjoy the freedom.

It didn´t make him feel better one bit.

This nagging feeling, it just wouldn´t stop.

Sure, he got his peace now in a sense; nothing around him would remind him of his doing.

But his thoughts. In the back of his brain the devils were still torturing him. Constantly reminding him just what he had done.

That it was his fault in the first place he was here anyway.

Which was true.

It was so true.

Everything was just his fault.

Everything.

If that day he hadn´t run into Shiki and run off his mouth, if he had just ignored that little annoying kid, if he just weren´t the way he was, nothing would have happened at all.

But no.

His cursed curiosity got the better of him.

And now it had lead to this. A situation where he could lose everything once more- just like last time, with the only difference, that now it would be worse.

A sudden tune coming from his phone startled him greatly as he stared at the sky.

He had been sitting in this alley for what felt like hours.

His back leaned onto the house behind him and his head was tilted upwards.

Lazily he stared at the fleeting clouds in the sky.

He couldn´t really bring himself to do anything else.

Too many thoughts were in the way.

A tad annoyed he stared at the screen.

A little smile flashed over his expression, however, when he noticed just who the incoming call was.

"Hey Shizu-chan, what gives?" he asked, picking up the call quickly.

Maybe talking to him would help a bit.

He didn´t want to avoid Shizuo after all, that´s not it. He just didn´t want him to realize what he was feeling at the moment. Even if he said, he wouldn´t ask, or that he would wait, he was pretty sure if the blond noticed just how troubled he was by this, in fact, he would start asking what it really was about after all.

This whole topic about worst and best outcomes.

But at least over the phone, he hoped Shizuo would not notice how he felt.

"Ah nothing in particular actually." The blond responded in a leisure tone.

Shizuo was just walking down the sunshine street. Still in his work clothes from before… that annoying café shirt, but hell, he didn´t feel like changing before going anyway.

Damn people in that café… god they got on his nerves.

"I just wanted to talk a bit If you don´t mind, you don't have any more work to do, do you? I mean you started in the morning already and now it´s evening so..."

Izaya blinked and looked at the clock.

Whoah…

5 pm.

Rather surprised he stared at the clock on his phone. For a second thinking maybe it was broken or something, but no. It really was that late.

Sure, he knew he took one or two hours strolling through the city, and calling his clients, but…

He didn´t realize he had been out that long.

Not at all.

Really.

Was he that caught up in his own thoughts?

Well, he did spend some time calling all those guys, but… seriously?

Did he really spend the whole day drowning in self loath?

Really now.

He sighed quietly, pulled his knees up and rested his head on them.

He should stop worrying so much damn it. Even Shizuo told him that-

Well, not exactly knowing about just what kind of consequences his doings had of course.

But still-

"No, I finished work actually. What about you?" he asked the blond.

There was a little pause, though, making Izaya perk up.

"Shizu-chan?" the blond scratched the back of his head awkwardly as he continued his walk towards their apartment.

"… I finished work too… kinda. I am on my way home right now."

Huh?

"… kinda? What´s that supposed to mean?" he inquired, raising an eyebrow. But the moment the question slipped past his lips it dawned on him already. "… Ah wait, let me guess… they fired you?" Izaya surmised.

Shizuo brushed a tad guilty through his hair.

"Well, not really fired, just… kicked out. It´s not my fault though!" he defended himself instantly.

"Oh my, Shizu-chan, why can´t you hold back?" Izaya chuckled. Honestly, that blond could never keep a job it seemed. And this time he didn´t even do anything to get him fired!

"I just can´t help it, this guy at work was just so… so…!" A loud crash was being heard over the phone. Izaya had to hold back, to not just laugh right away.

"I take a wild guess… that was a sign…?" he asked snickering behind his hand.

"…Yeah… it was." Well, now he just had to laugh.

"God Shizu-chan you really need to control your anger." He lectured.

"Tell me something I don´t already know flea."

Why are you still doing it then? Losing your temper so easily?

A grumbling tone coming from Izaya´s stomach was heard and he looked at it.

Ah. Right.

Only now he realized, he had, in fact, not eaten anything at all today, had he?

He had been out the whole day, starting from the morning, so... well. Not that he cared.

Wouldn´t be the first time he skipped eating. When he had a lot of work to do or just no time he did that too, so who cared?

…

... Would Shizuo be mad if he knew that?

The thought crossed his mind before he could really think about it.

... Well… probably he guessed.

He sighed. Nah, not probably but surely.

He could almost imagine the blond saying things like he was too thin anyway or stuff.

"So, what are you doing now? " he asked the blond, curious what his plan was.

"Beats me. Going home, I guess?" Izaya shook his head, even though the blond couldn´t see it.

"No, I meant about work, even though they just kicked you for today, I doubt you will be able to stay there much longer anyway. How about working for Tom again? Why did you stop in the first place?" that really was kind of a mystery for him.

Did Shizuo stop working for Tom now altogether, or what?

"Don´t wanna." Was the only overly informing response.

"Huh? What´s that supposed to mean, you have always been working for him, why don´t you want to suddenly?" Shizuo just grinned at the question.

"You know Izaya, if I work for Tom, I would be away almost the entire day and sometimes I would even be out of town for a week or something depending where he has to collect the debts."

"… so?" Izaya asked, still not getting what the blond was pointing at.

"It´s easy. I don´t wanna be apart from you that long."

Eh?

Surprised Izaya´s eyes widened.

He didn't…

He couldn´t help feeling the heat rise to his cheeks.

Damn… how could the blond even say something like this so casually…!?

As if it was common sense.

"Oi Izaya." Shizuo suddenly spoke up, making Izaya snap out of his thoughts.

"Hm?" he murmured.

"I bet you´re red right now." Shizuo chuckled slightly. The moment Izaya had gone silent he could imagine what he had to look like.

…

"…huh?!" Izaya blushed even more at the statement. "As if! Don´t get cocky!" he could hear Shizuo laugh over the phone.

Damn him. He sure was amused by making him flustered!

"Tch, you sure are having fun here…" he commented. But no matter how he looked at it, he didn´t hate Shizuo could read him seemingly easy like that now.

It was… refreshing once in a while.

"I´m not cocky." Another snicker was heard.

"Oi, Izaya, you know what?" He suddenly spoke up again.

"Hm?"

"I love you."

… hah?!

God that- how the hell? Ah-!

"I bet now you´re red."

"….Urgh... Just shut up already dumb protozoan…" he mumbled, hiding his face in his knees, even though the blond couldn´t see him anyway.

Shizuo chuckled he knew the raven was embarrassed when he said things like these. Especially because he meant them.

And hell it was cute. Never ever in his whole life, in these whole 8 years of chasing the flea would he have imagined him to be that delicate in some aspects.

Really now.

And he sure as hell didn´t see it coming at all, that Izaya, the Orihara Izaya, no matter how much he hated him before, would have something he was afraid of.

…

He never knew.

He never knew about his nightmares.

He wouldn´t show it. Of course, who would?

He never thought the flea could actually be tricked and captured. He knew the louse was smart, he always knew.

Before that fact, just pissed him off even more, but now.

It was astonishing in a way.

To be able to keep up an act like this… he didn´t know whether to think the flea was really strong or feel bad about how he must have felt in those times.

How Izaya actually … cries.

If someone told him that earlier he would have thought they were kidding, the flea wasn´t capable of holding any emotion that would make him human.

He never realized just how much he didn´t know the flea.

He never cared to know more about the flea.

And now he desired for that.

Just what was burdening him so much?

…

He seemed a bit better now than yesterday. He feared this morning that maybe Izaya just … wanted to avoid him, maybe, but it seemed that wasn´t the case.

It kinda relieved him.

He looked up at the sky thinking.

Only three more days…

…

He still didn´t like the way this sounded like a countdown…

A countdown for what?

Something good? Something bad?

He couldn´t help but think that maybe that worst outcome and best outcome could be referring to exactly that day.

But what?

What would happen in three days?

It made him kind of restless to think about it.

Even though he told the flea everything would be alright to try and calm him, he was anxious himself. The way the flea behaved… he just wasn´t used to deal with an Izaya that for once was not somehow in control of things.

It reminded him of the day when Izaya visited his informant the first time. When he came out of his apartment.

The way he had actually looked scared, he didn´t even mind it when Izaya insulted him being a protozoan and not having enough brain to understand anyway.

It was just a change in the flea that made his stomach churn.

It made him want to protect the flea.

He wasn´t supposed to look scared.

He wasn´t supposed to look sad.

He wasn´t supposed to look lonely.

Because by now Shizuo was damn sure Izaya was.

…

He somehow wanted to see Izaya.

Right now.

To be completely honest he didn't want the flea away from him for even a second as long as he didn´t know what he had gotten himself into again. He wanted him close.

No matter what the heck Izaya was so … afraid off.

…

He also didn't say anything about his past until now…

What was he dreaming about?

Why was he having nightmares that made him wake up screaming?

Or even crying for that matter?

What did he fear?

Why was he so afraid to let him close in the first place?

Every time he thought about the possibility that something really terrible happened to Izaya... it just fuelled his desire to get to the flea and hug him tight.

Just hug him and make those little pieces he sometimes seemed to brake into come back together and never let go.

Somehow.

Damn. Just what?

What happened to him?

"…Shizuo-chan are you still there…?" a bit startled Shizuo looked at the phone. He forgot he was still on the line.

"Ah sorry, didn´t pay attention… Izaya… when are you coming home?"

I wanna see him…

Izaya looked surprised.

"Well, actually I finished my work already. I could come home now." He said. Which was true. He never had any work to finish to begin with, so…

Shizuo smiled as he heard that.

"Really? Okay, then I´ll be waiting home." Izaya chuckled.

"You sound like you look forward to seeing me." Shizuo laughed as well.

"So what if I do?" Izaya smiled.

"Kay, give me half an hour or something." He announced and hung up.

Really now Shizuo sure was something.

He stood up and brushed off his pants and coat, they had gotten dirty from sitting on the floor and leaning on the wall.

He had to admit now he felt a tad better.

He hadn´t unnecessarily worried Shizuo but he still talked to him and he made him feel better somehow.

He would even say he was kinda looking forward to coming home.

Hehe…

"home"… that was also something he didn´t think he would ever have again.

A place where he felt he belonged that is.

Or rather…

A person he felt he belonged to there.

He couldn´t stop himself from smiling a bit as he stepped out of the alley.

Shizuo was right, he should stop worrying.

Given from his perspective, what could possibly go so wrong?

He picked that number out carefully. He didn't even use his own computer, but a laptop he never used before.

He searched for a guy that looked the most promising. This guy didn't have any data at all about him.

Meaning he must be good.

NO matter how hard he tried, gathering data was impossible, he was erasing his tracks well.

He couldn´t even find one guy he killed. Well, normally you shouldn´t be able to find that out, since they were committed to secrecy, but usually he managed to dig up at least something.

He was Izaya Orihara after all.

At least bit info he found in everyone.

But nope, not this time.

The security of this guy was high. No-one would be able to track him either. As far as the guy didn´t get caught and spilled his name that is.

He shivered and shook his head, trying to chase away the imagination of Shiki´s expression if the assassin were to tell him under torture that it was Orihara Izaya who ordered him.

No.

It wouldn´t happen. He was good.

The only thing he did find out is that he once worked with Vorona Douglanikov. He knew she was good. And there was a note saying that he got to the "target" first.

That alone had to mean something.

Right?

Suddenly his phone rang again. He was just walking down the street, not far away from their apartment actually. Chuckling, he pulled the phone out of his pocket thinking maybe Shizu-chan forgot something. He sure seemed a little distracted before.

What did he think about he wondered.

Though he soon realized it was not him, seeing another, only too well known number on the screen.

He picked up with a frown.

"What?" was the first not really amused question.

What the heck did he want anyway?

"They are still here." Was the simple statement he got in return. Izaya sighed.

Telling him things he knew already was useless, couldn´t that old man just give it a rest?

He knew he cared, he knew this was just an excuse and he called actually to check up on him, but still, didn´t he see he could cause trouble if he did that?

"I know that. Don´t worry, I said within the next three days they will disappear, keep a good eye on them okay? You will know when it´s safe to leave."

He paused a second, but then made his mind up. This wouldn´t do anyway.

"Moreover. Don´t call this phone again. Or better, forget it, I will get rid of it you wouldn´t listen anyway." He added, getting slightly annoyed that he wouldn´t listen to him like he should.

"Wait Izaya! Just what are you doing?!" a panicked response was what he got. Well, he saw that coming.

"Getting rid of our problem. Now shut up." He didn´t need to know more.

Or better, he must not know more.

…

Silence.

"Izaya, you didn´t do anything reckless like ordering a killer right?" Izaya almost stumbled over air as he walked towards their apartment.

Holy- how the fuck did he figure that out?!

He just said he would be able to leave!

He rubbed his temples.

Well on the other hand… he didn´t get his brains from nowhere. The geezer was smart.

He should know that already.

"….what if I did…?" he asked a rhetorical question instead of asking useless ones about how he figured it out.

A sharp intake of breath was heard over the phone.

"Izaya you don´t know what you got yourself into!"

I do.

"Are you even aware of the consequences..?!" Izaya swallowed hard waiting for him to end his scolding.

Yes. Yes he did. For god´s sake!

"I do, now shut up." He mumbled annoyed.

"They will die!"

"I said shut up." Stop fucking talking about things I know already!

"They will kill them! And you! Izaya! They will kill ev-"

"I said, Shut the fuck up! I KNOW OKAY?!" That damn geezer! He knew it okay?! He KNEW it!

"I don´t need your fucking advise so shut your fucking trap! I am done either way!"

"Iza-" but he didn´t even wait for the response.

He was fed up with it.

Before he could even start rambling more shit he took the phone and cracked it in two halves, throwing them into a nearby trash can.

"Yeah fuck you too."

Angry he shoved his hands into his pockets, going up the stairs to their apartment.

Damn him.

Damn that old geezer! Damn them all!

Damn this whole fucking situation.

And why the hell did he have to call right now?

Right now?

Really?

Tch-

Almost seemed like everyone was fucking waiting for a moment when he got a clearer head and for once felt that maybe it was going to be okay to remind him yet again.

Did they fucking enjoy making him squirm like this?

Tch…

The euphoria he had felt before and the anticipation to meet Shizuo kinda dissipated into thin air again.

Great.

He stopped in front of the door to their apartment and inhaled deeply.

Calm down.

He couldn´t appear all tense like that. He didn´t want to worry Shizuo yet again.

Or better he didn´t want Shizuo to worry and then ask something as a conclusion.

He sighed and dropped his hand on the doorknob, twisting it open swiftly.

"I´m home Shizu-chan~" he tried entering the room with a little smile.

Shizuo turned around surprised. He was just about to take off the weird shirt they had been handed out in the café. There was a weird laughing muffin on it- god how he hated that thing.

But then he noticed it.

An act.

That was the first thought crossing his mind when he saw Izaya... "smile".

He couldn´t prevent a little frown from finding its way onto this forehead.

That flea was pretending again.

That was in no sense a real smile.

He recognized it instantly.

He had seen the raven truly happy, and this was not a smile indicating that.

This was a mask.

But Izaya didn't seem to notice the look Shizuo gave him, instead he took off his coat and threw himself on top of the bed, crossed his legs and sat down in a comfortable position.

Shizuo sighed softly, making sure the raven wouldn´t notice it.

"Izaya…" he started, making said man look at him.

"Hm?" but he paused and shook his head, rethinking his actions.

No no no... He couldn´t just ask what was wrong. It was probably something connected to the things Izaya wanted to tell him soon anyway. And he almost dared to bet on the fact that Izaya wouldn´t spill information sooner than that.

And he certainly didn´t want to quarrel about that either.

…no, he couldn´t ask.

"… Could you give me a shirt from the cupboard?" he asked instead, pointing at the object next to the bed.

Izaya nodded. "Sure.", and tossed one over. He didn´t seem to notice that Shizuo knew he wasn´t in a good mood at all, or he just kept a really good act of behaving as if that were the case.

He just let himself flop back into bed and watched him change.

"Well then, tell Shizu-chan," he started.

"Hm?" Curious what the flea was going to say he pulled down the more comfortable shirt and sat down on the edge of the bed, next to the raven.

"What exactly happened?"

"Ah…" he referred to why he was "kicked out" today. "Well a guy came into the café and thought he could yell at me cause the staff wasn´t fast enough to bring him his coffee, that dumb ass was rude to the staff and yeah…" he glanced at the ceiling and rubbed his neck.

"I guess I sent him flying through the wall by accident…" he admitted. "But he deserved it!" Sudden chuckling startled Shizuo and he looked surprised at a giggling informant.

"Through the wall Shizu-chan? Seriously?" he asked, not able to contain his amusement.

He smiled.

This was better, not entirely true either, but he really seemed to find it amusing.

"… well he annoyed me!" he added, trying to sound funny. It made the informant laugh a little more.

Shizuo watched the raven fascinated, a little snicker escaping his own lips.

"What´s so funny about that?" he asked curious.

"Just imagine: You, wearing that," he pointed to the ridiculous pink shirt with the laughing muffin, which was still lying on the floor, "-and punching a guy through the wall with it!" he laughed. "It´s hilarious in it´s own way!" he chuckled. "Patience is really not your forte now is it?" well that comment made Shizuo laugh a bit.

"Dumb flea, you know it never was." He got up and reached for one of his cigarettes, located in the pocket of his vest.

"I know~", he lit it and inhaled a dose of the soothing nicotine.

"You sure do. Anyway, why did you leave so early toda-?"

He gasped and slapped a hand over his mouth as he looked at the raven- the smile fell and the anxious expression returned in seconds.

Damnit, why did he have to ask that now?

Shit, he wanted to hit himself, why did he have to ask that? He was probably doing dangerous stuff with his clients again, maybe something about that worst outcome, and he just had to go and remind it of him when his mood lightened up a bit for once…

Izaya was just silent for a second. Anxious Shizuo eyed the raven.

"Oi Izaya…" said informant tilted his head up again and looked at the blond, obviously forcing the smile back on his lips.

Shizuo frowned at the action.

"Just the usual stuff, you know selling some info and- " before Izaya knew it Shizuo had put the cigarette out and approached the bed.

It creaked once he added his own weight on top of it and trapped Izaya in a comforting hug.

"Sorry I am an idiot." He mumbled, tugging the flea´s head under his chin, soothingly playing with the black tips of his hair.

"Eh?" surprised by the movement Izaya tried to look at the blond.

"Didn´t mean to remind you of stuff that troubles you." He explained.

"Ah. But it doesn´t… trouble me." Izaya tried, but his words didn´t even sound convincing to his own ears.

"Don´t lie." Shizuo murmured, slightly tightening the hug. " You can say it if you don´t want to talk about it. You´re wearing that troubled expression again. Admit it or not, it´s there." He poked the frown with his index finger slightly.

…

Izaya sighed and leaned into his chest.

"Since when did you become so good at reading me anyway? You never noticed anything before, why now?"

"Maybe it´s because I was together with you for such a long time." Shizuo speculated.

"Hmph, then Namie should know that much too, but she doesn´t." Izaya threw in.

"Cause you act different around her. I doubt she ever saw you cry."

That made Izaya flinch a bit.

Yeah.

No-one had seen him cry before. Not even his sisters.

Or at least what he knew of them.

Shizuo sighed. He noticed the reaction of course.

"You know Izaya, you don't have to think, you have to feel better now, just because I comforted you yesterday. If you feel bad again, that´s alright too, I will just need to make you feel better once more." He tried.

A slight smile played along Izaya´s lips.

"… you´re going to get the blanket again or something?" he half joked. Shizuo shook his head slightly.

"Nope." He ruffled through his black hair.

"You have me, you don´t need the blanket anyway. I can keep you save well enough without it." he let his hands trail along Izaya´s back, and shoulders, encircling his whole body.

"I am going to protect every single spot okay?" Suddenly one of his hands came to rest on Izaya´s bandaged wrist. Carefully, he took the hand and lifted it up, pressing his nose to it in an almost apologetic manner.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked, concerned, letting the flea lean back to be able to at least look him into his eyes. He shook his head and pulled it back, twisting it in front of him.

"No, it doesn´t. It will probably take about two weeks or something to heal, but that´s okay." Shizuo watched the flea closely.

"Why don´t you have a plaster on it? It´s broken isn´t it?" he asked confused, only now realizing, that it was in fact only bandaged, even though it was broken.

"Yeah, I should have one normally, but I hate plasters, and Shinra said a simple splint inside the bandages would suffice. See?" he turned it upside down so he could see a horizontal bulge, indicating there was a splint beneath.

"Oh really." He commented surprised.

"You didn´t notice? It´s standing out." Izaya asked a little amused by Shizuo´s expression.

"No, when would I have noticed that?" he shook his head, a little grinning.

"Yesterday?" Izaya suggested, considering they were together the day before.

"Yeah right, when you jumped down the bridge or when we had sex? In both cases I kinda had other things to look at." He chuckled, enjoying the slightly flustered look Izaya gave him when he mentioned the second option.

"Ah, I guess you´re probably right." He mumbled, a slight tint of crimson decorating his cheeks.

Shizuo chuckled and touched it gently, placing a kiss on it.

Izaya observed him.

…

Now everything seemed to be alright, but…

He still couldn´t forget just how shocked he was when Shizuo simply… left.

He thought he hurt him and left.

It was weird.

Why such an extreme reaction?

"Shizuo…" he started, quiet, paying close attention to the blond´s expression.

"Hm?"

"…why are you that afraid to hurt people?"

A startled look was the first thing Izaya received for asking the question. He probably took him by surprise.

His initial astonishment, however, was just followed by a sigh and a glance to the side, avoiding Izaya´s eyes.

"I mean," he continued. "Yeah, you got that strength, but that´s no reason. I know about that one incident with that bakery woman, you hurt her, but you saved her too. Are you still fretting over that?" he asked, thinking maybe this incident triggered his fear of his own strength.

But Shizuo shook his head.

"... Izaya, did you seriously think that I never hurt anyone- besides that woman…?" he asked slowly, throwing Izaya out of his concept.

"Eh…?"

He was slightly taken aback… how come…

…

Actually no. He didn´t.

Not even once.

He really thought…- why the heck did he think that was the only incident in the first place?

Somehow now that the blond said it so blatantly obvious, he felt stupid.

Shizuo had that strength since he was a kid. There was let alone logically speaking no way he only hurt someone once, considering he had that kind of a temper.

How did he not notice a fact that was almost as clear as the day…?

"I slipped up many times. Classmates, neighbors… even Kasuka." Shizuo continued sighing, leaning back and sitting cross-legged on the bed now as well.

"Eh? You hurt Kasuka?" his surprise only increased with every word Shizuo spoke.

"Yeah. When I was a kid and got angry I just saw red and before I knew it, I had lifted or worse thrown something at someone already. Kasuka included, and it was not only once." He admitted, rubbing his neck awkwardly, remembering the incidents.

He never intended to hurt anyone... it just... happened.

"They were right somehow… you too. I am indeed a monster in a sense." He sighed.

Izaya´s eyes widened a fraction and he struggled with words as he felt an uneasy lump of guilt form in his throat.

"Wait, no Shizuo, that´s not true, you-" he never really meant that!

"I am. Izaya… You know," Izaya was interrupted, and shut up shortly, waiting what the blond had to say. He sighed and continued. "Our neighbor had a really cute cat visiting us everyday." He began, smiling slightly at the memory.

"It was really fluffy. Black and white, it always came to be fed. I liked the way it purred when I petted it. I played with it a lot as a kid and it even followed me when I went outside. Sometimes it even kind of waited for me in front of school. It was really cute. Kasuka always kept calling it Tomo, despite being a girl." He smiled. "You know, I never had friends, obviously, other kids feared my strength, and I never really had someone to play with or go home, so Kasuka always said the cat was my only friend. Therefore Tomo, for Tomodachi." He chuckled.

"Kinda silly, but he was right, it was a really my only friend that time." Izaya smiled a bit. He could almost see a small Shizuo with brown hair, playing secretly with the little fellow.

The imagination of Shizuo having at least some kind of happy memory was reassuring.

He looked really fond of the cat the way he talked about it.

"You know…" Shizuo paused a second sighing. "… I didn´t mean to break its spine when I hugged it."

…

Eh?

Izaya could almost feel his heart slump down, when he saw the sad expression on Shizuo´s face.

He looked at his hands sadly, as if the cat was still there, squirming in pain.

"I realized too late my strength was increasing even more and… I hurt it." he looked at the raven and noticed his sad expression.

"Oi, don´t look like that, it survived. We brought it to the vet and it got treated. But… starting that day, it avoided me. It ran away from me, and it feared me. It probably didn´t understand why I hurt it and that I didn´t even do it on purpose." A heavy sigh escaped his lips.

"That´s why I am a monster. I hurt, people, important ones, without even wanting to."

Izaya shook his head vehemently.

"No, that´s not true, you aren´t a monster. Exactly because of this. A monster would hurt people on purpose, not by accident Shizu-chan. The fact that you care, that you feel sorry, shows already that you´re human, okay?" he hugged the blond, trying to make him feel better like he did when doing the same.

Shizuo smiled a bit. "Thanks."

He knew the raven didn´t really think he was a monster. He said it often in the past, but it was clear now what his real thoughts were. Aside from the fact that he had heard the raven say he thought Shizuo was a normal human even before they got to be like this.

"… sorry about that." a quiet whisper reached his ears.

"...what?" he questioned, looking at the raven. Sorry for what? Izaya shuffled and backed away a second.

Now he knew why the blond had reaceted that way… and he laughed even.

"I am sorry for putting that kitten on your neck. I shouldn´t have made fun of you when you didn´t touch it."

Surprised Shizuo looked at the flea.

He was really serious. Shizuo smiled a bit.

"Orihara Izaya apologizing? What got into you?" he asked joking.

"You. That´s what got into me." He replied simply, really looking like he regretted the action now.

Shizuo blinked at the words, totally not having expected for Izaya to say something like that.

"Woah, was that a confession?" he asked, smiling lightly at the informant.

Izaya shrugged, treacherous red coloring his cheeks. "Maybe?"

Shizuo chuckled.

"Ne, Izaya now that I think of it, when did you fall in love with me? I mean you hated me seriously, how did that change?"

Izaya tilted his head up, thinking.

Good question.. when did he stop hating Shizuo and actually start… liking him? In a way?

Suddenly a certain memory popped up in his mind. He cleared his throat, avoiding Shizuo´s glance as he spoke on.

"… probably the day… you saved me from that burning building." He mumbled.

"What?! That long ago?" Shizuo was surprised, and Izaya chuckled nodding, he couldn´t blame him, which was actually... long ago.

"How come I didn´t even realize anything?" Shizuo questioned, thinking back to that time.

"Cause you´re a protozoan." Izaya replied teasing, sticking out his tongue. Shizuo chuckled.

"Yeah, maybe I really am… but why then…?" Izaya thought about it a second, but he already knew the answer to it. It was probably because of that.

"You said… something, that kinda really... Don´t know… it got me thinking…" he started, making Shizuo only more curious.

"What did I say?" he asked. He seriously couldn´t remember anything he said that day, it was too long ago. The only thing he did remember was the strong urge to protect the flea with all costs.

"… you won´t leave me." Izaya whispered, eyes growing distant.

Shizuo blinked.

"I won´t leave you, I said that?" Izaya nodded.

Not once.

Not once did someone ever say that to him. All people ever did was in fact leave. Without a word. No matter if they died, no matter if they just parted way, no matter what, they always ended up splitting ways.

And he was left alone. Always.

And most of the time it was his fault.

"… why are you that scared to be left Izaya?" Shizuo asked, this time not regretting he was touching a topic he probably shouldn´t.

But he wondered since that night, since the night Izaya got drunk and told him things, he couldn´t forget how lonely and scared Izaya looked despite being in one and the same room as him.

Silence. Shizuo grew more anxious by the second. He really wanted an answer to that question, but would Izaya give it?

A short moment of silence hang in the air, before said man cleared his throat and slowly started talking.

"... let´s just say my father was an ass and my mother didn´t care, okay?" Izaya tried, making Shizuo frown.

"Your father…? He didn´t do anything to you, did he?"he didn´t know where that question popped up from, but he kind of got the feeling there was a lot hidden in these few words he just said.

A little pause followed, making Shizuo fidgety.

"Oi Izaya-"

"Let´s just say he was mean okay? I didn´t exist for him. My mother was basically the same, but my father ignored me to a degree where he didn´t even mention to others that he had three kids instead of two." He explained, making Shizuo frown.

"… What an ass." But Izaya shook his head.

"Oi Shizu-chan I wasn't the nicest kid you know? It was probably my own fault." He shrugged. "I don´t care anyway."

"… Don't say that." Shizuo mumbled.

"… What about you then?" Izaya shot back, not liking that the topic was about him again.

Shizuo sighed, realizing he wouldn´t get out more from the flea.

"... I would probably have probably preferred if they ignored me." He stated, making Izaya look surprised.

"Why?" he shrugged.

"... Would be easier to ignore silence than their constant bickering about how they could get rid of me. I hated hearing it. Mainly they were quarreling about divorce and how they could each push the custody on the other. It ended that way that my father had to take me in, since he had more money and I was more often in hospital than Kasuka. He tugged me into a little flat and left money there every week when I was in high school. That´s about it."

Izaya nodded. He kind of guessed that already. He couldn´t remember meeting Shizuo´s parents even once in school, which was already weird to start with.

He wrapped his arms around his knees. "… I see. So we were both basically alone.. ne?" A sad smile played along his lips.

"We should have become friends instead of enemies, don´t you think?" Shizuo smiled.

"... yeah, maybe…"

Hahaha, what´s wrong, my friend~?

The sudden memory, popping up in his head made him shiver.

Izaya gripped his hair, hands trembling.

No, maybe it was better the way it was. If he really had been friends with the blond… who knows what would have happened. Maybe he would have become the same like him.

NO.

The sole imagination was hunting shivers down his spine.

Damn... he hated this.

He hated the fact he still thought of that.

It happened long ago.

Why was he pondering so much on the past when in fact he knew he was safe now?

Kinda? At least?

He could come back, but what would he be today?

Nothing!

That guy could do nothing today!

Izaya had the power!

So why the hell was he... was he... that scared?

Still?

"Izaya?" Shizuo didn´t know what was wrong, but he noticed the slight change in Izaya´s behavior.

Had he said something wrong?

The raven just sent him a short glance, and closed his eyes, shaking his head.

Then he hid it under his arms.

"Ne Shizu-chan, have you ever been afraid of something?"

"Eh? Afraid?" Shizuo repeated. Izaya nodded slowly.

"Yeah, like really afraid." Shizuo observed the raven carefully.

… So he was afraid…

… But what did he want to hear?

What did he expect him to say?

He got a feeling Izaya was kind of asking for some kind of answer to a question-

He thought back, trying to remember what he had been afraid of in his life.

"… actually I was afraid of something as a child... I was scared of ghosts. I thought they really existed, because well, if my strength existed, why not ghosts?" he began, looking at Izaya for any sign of reaction. He just nodded, taking in the info he got.

"...pretty good reasoning for a kid actually." He nodded, understanding why he believed they existed.

"So? How did you get rid of your fear?" he asked, not really believing he would get anything useful as an answer, but he was curious.

"How? I challenged it."

"Huh?" surprised Izaya lifted his head, looking at the blond.

"Challenged it?" he asked, tilting his head. Shizuo just grinned, seemingly remembering something he liked.

"Yeah. One night I went into a haunted house in the neighborhood and screamed at the ghosts- they should come and get me if they dared but I would beat their ass.

Of course, nothing came. I reached the conclusion that either they didn´t exist, or they pissed their pants just as everyone else did."

Izaya gaped at the blond.

"Just like that..?"

"Just like that."

"… weren´t you afraid that time? Going to a place like this?" he asked, not really able to imagine a little kid having the balls to just confront scary stuff like that on their own, even if that kid was Shizuo.

"Of course I was, but I didn't want to let myself be in fear forever!

I kept hiding under blankets when I got scared at night and it got on my nerves because I couldn´t sleep when it was so hot under them." He shrugged. "So I decided I had enough of that."

…

He decided...

He had enough of it...

Still gaping he stared at the blond.

He just decided to end it…

"Why are you asking?" Shizuo questioned, highly curious why the raven was that interested in his old story.

"… just .. curious." He mumbled. He was quite perplexed.

Just like that.

Suddenly Izaya´s stomach grumbled, telling him that he had in fact still not eating anything during the day.

"Ah, are you hungry?" Shizuo asked, getting up from the bed.

"Yeah, I didn´t eat anything to- for dinner." He quickly saved himself. He nearly said today, that would not have been that good probably.

"Yosh, then I will make us something." He declared, moving to the kitchen.

Izaya just nodded sinking back into his thoughts again.

...

He did it.

Just like that.

He just faced his fear.

…

Izaya looked at the blond, observing him in the kitchen.

…

He really is amazing…

He could do things Izaya couldn´t …

He could never…

He watched the blond.

…

If he thought about it. He was, right now In fact, just like Shizuo as a kid, ne?

…

So if he was just like him… couldn´t he pull that off too?

He sat up on the bed, getting a little hopeful actually.

He could, right?

He was sick of living in fear, he was sick of running away from it, he was sick of having nightmares every single day in his life.

Sure, now they disappeared, but still-

He hated the fact he still kept remembering these things.

He hated the fact they still made him freeze in fear, even though there was no immediate threat.

He was sick of regretting.

Maybe… maybe if he did the same thing as Shizuo... would it go away?

If he challenged his fear … would he win?

…

On the other hand, what would he lose trying?

Nothing, he only had to gain.

And with that he took a decision.

He had to face his past.

For the first time in his life, he wanted to do this.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow, for the first time since 11 years he would return to that place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUUUNNN xD
> 
> Next- Chapter 24: Haunting past – finally XD Noooowww~ the real shit starts xD I hope you enjoyed the calm and maybe boring chapter xD Cause now I got some heavy shit prepared for you guys~ x3


	24. Haunting past

-morning. Izaya´s point of view-

A lazy yawn escaped Izaya´s lips as he rubbed at his eyes.

Just having woken up he blinked annoyed at the window. The curtains had not been closed, so now the sun was shining brightly into the room.

He sighed, but didn´t mind it any further. Instead, he just let himself drop back on Shizuo´s chest.

He had to admit, he been sleeping quite comfortably on top of him. The slow heaving of his chest and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat were very soothing. Not that the brute himself noticed anything.

He was still sleeping like a stone. He tapped Shizuo´s nose in an attempt to wake him up, to which the blond reacted with nothing but a little frown though.

Hmmm… well he guessed he could let him sleep a little while longer.

At least he wasn´t the type to snore. Izaya would hate that. Nothing aggravated his nerves more than some constant loud noise next to him when he tried to sleep.

He smiled and playfully dragged his finger alongside Shizuo´s skin, writing his name in the process.

Heh. Now that he thought about it, he did so that one time too. The morning after he finally admitted his feelings for the blond.

He smiled; he liked that new habit he had taken on. It was a better one than falling out of bed every day.

…a much better one.

Today he had to admit, he kind of felt better- not because the threat subsided in any way or something, but simply because he finally made up his mind.

Yesterday he finally decided to face his past.

He always was talking to others and reminding them how they were still hung up on their past, like Masaomi Kida for example. But was he himself any better?

No. not really.

Because he was probably the one who had the most trouble to face his past.

But now he would do it.

Finally.

Sure, it wasn´t really something he looked forward to doing, but let alone the fact that he gathered up the guts to make this decision made him feel a little proud.

He was dead set on doing so for once because, hey, what was there to fear?

Nothing. Actually, nothing.

If he thought reasonable about it that is.

Then what was it that was haunting him? Guilt? Fear?

He didn´t know. Maybe it was both.

Maybe it was just the guilt. Maybe just the fear. The memory.

He wasn't too sure.

It´s not like he could have done something. He was helpless that time. Outnumbered even. But the memory haunted him nonetheless, so maybe, if he visited that place once more, he could get rid of this for real.

Just like Shizuo got rid of his fear of ghosts. A slight chuckle escaped his lips and he watched the peaceful sleeping blond.

Sure, the source of their fear was something completely different, but who cared? It was worth a shot.

Maybe if he made himself go there and actually see with his own eyes how everything changed over the years, made his mind would come to accept the past as well.

Sudden movement beneath him startled him. The blond had woken up and shifted while he stretched himself.

"Good morning." Shizuo yawned wholeheartedly and nuzzled into the raven´s hair.

Izaya chuckled. He couldn´t help but think that the blond reminded him of a cat. A big cat.

Maybe a tiger or something? He chuckled at the image.

"Good morning to you too Shizu-chan~" he smiled and playfully petted him.

Oh? Surprised and simultaneously a bit relieved he observed the raven. He looked better somehow. Way better.

He smiled content and pulled the flea closer, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Good.

Izaya blinked at the tender action, but smiled. A tiger? Nah, more like a domesticated cat.

"What´s the time?" Shizuo asked casually, not able to glance at the clock since Izaya was blocking the view. Said raven tilted his head, looking at the time telling device.

"7 am. Heh, how unusual for you to wake up at such a time. Usually you sleep like a rock." Izaya commented grinning, resting his chin on top of Shizuo´s chest again. "Did I wake you perhaps?" he asked.

The blond shook his head smiling.

"Not that I know of." He let his hands trail along the informant´s pale skin.

Alongside his neck, collarbone, waist, hips… god he was perfect. Izaya watched him fascinated.

"What are you doing? Feeling me up first thing in the morning?" he chuckled.

Shizuo snorted. Of course the flea would turn this into something suggestively. He shook his head.

"No, actually I did just adore how beautiful you are." He answered, enjoying the slightly flustered look Izaya gave him in response.

Heh. Shizuo never ceased to find it amusing how simple things like these could make the raven blush cutely like this.

By now he knew exactly which buttons to push to get that adorable reaction.

Honestly, had he always been that easy to read?

"What a cheesy thing to say Shizu-chan." He mumbled snickering slightly, as he slowly sat up in bed.

Enchanted Shizuo´s gaze followed the silky bed-sheet, sliding off the raven´s body ever so slowly, revealing more and more of his lover.

But aside from the smooth skin something else got revealed as well.

Scares.

Lots of them.

Shizuo raised a hand, gently brushing over a few of them.

He had noticed them before. On his back on his chest, even on his legs, he was covered in faint scars.

Some of them barely noticeable, others pretty bad looking.

Especially the one on the left side of his waist.

It was somewhere around 15cm long for sure and looked like it was pretty old.

"…are those all from me?" he asked slowly, suddenly feeling guilty for chasing the raven so often. Well or rather not the chasing itself, but the actual part of throwing stuff at him.

Even if he never caught him, he sure as hell managed to hit the raven a few times. Guilty he thought about those.

He would have never thought he would regret having done this one day.

But to his surprise Izaya shook his head.

"No, actually, I think only a third of them are from you." He answered truthfully, examining his own body.

Well, this caused Shizuo only to frown even deeper.

"Only a third? What do you mean?" he asked the obvious, but he still couldn´t help himself. The fact that someone else than him hurt his flea made his blood boil for some reason.

Izaya paused; lips slightly apart as if about to give an answer, but it never came. Instead, he just sighed.

"Shizu-chan," he started, putting on a fake smile, "you should know my job is dangerous, a lot of things happened in the past." he sighed, and closed his eyes in an apologetic manner.

Great, now Shizuo felt bad, he made the raven think about stuff again.

But the frowns on his face still didn´t disappear. Instead, it just grew deeper as he tilted his head back to look at the ceiling.

Damn… he hated the fact someone hurt Izaya, besides him, not that those scars he himself inflicted on the raven´s body were any better.

Then his sight fell back onto the particularly long and old looking one.

"... and where did you get that from?" he asked, carefully trailing the lighter-colored skin.

Izaya froze when he touched the scar and suddenly he felt cold, really cold.

"… that… " he mumbled, frowning himself now. He couldn´t help but feel a wave of fear wash over him as he thought about just how he received that scar.

Just how…

"Izaya!"

Suddenly there was blood, so much blood.

Blood everywhere.

"Izaya-! Help me! Iza-"

So much blood.

It hurt.

"Izaya, Izaya!"

"…Izaya?"

Izaya gulped, shaking his head to chase away the memory.

"Ah, it´s nothing. I… I got that long ago in the past." He tried to worm his way out of the question, but Shizuo didn´t miss how Izaya had started to tremble when he asked the question.

The frown from before dissipated into a worried expression. Gingerly he rubbed the raven´s arms in an attempt to comfort the younger male.

"Izaya… You know, you…" he paused, eyes growing soft.

Izaya looked back at Shizuo.

"Yeah..?" he asked quiet. Shizuo closed his eyes sighing.

No... He couldn´t ask.

"... No... Forget it…" he wanted to say the raven could tell him. That maybe it would lift a weigh off his chest to talk about whatever happened in his past… but…

The way he just looked so... scared… no. It was obvious he just couldn´t talk about it yet.

Asking for it would only burden him more.

Uncomfortable silence filled the room.

Shizuo was still continuing his ministrations trying to make the raven feel better without words. Izaya lowered his head.

It was obvious what the blond wanted to ask.

Of course it was. If it were him he would burn to know just what made him act so weird as well.

But… he bit his lip.

He couldn´t. Not now…

Maybe… maybe after he dealt with it today… maybe then.

"Not now." He sighed, leaning back down into the comforting heat of his lover.

"Eh?" Shizuo wrapped his arms around the raven as soon as he did, trapping him in a gentle hug.

"Give… gives me a bit more time… okay?" Izaya asked, almost too quiet to be heard. But Shizuo caught the words.

"…of course. As much as you need." He answered, giving the raven a little kiss on the head.

Izaya felt a tad guilty… he always made the blond wait. He sighed and suddenly got up, surprising the blond.

"I have to go now." He suddenly announced, crawling out of bed. Rather confused Shizuo stared at his lover.

"What? Why so early?" he asked, getting up as well. Izaya however just avoided his glance and rubbed his neck.

"I… have to do something today. And I want to get over with it as soon as I can." He answered honestly, catching Shizuo off guard.

Something he had to do?

Shizuo couldn´t help but think it had to be something dangerous the raven was talking about.

Izaya shook his head smiling a bit as he recognized the worried expression on the blond´s face.

"Nothing dangerous." He assured, trying to calm the blond. After all, it really wasn´t dangerous in that sense. He would probably be alone there anyway.

And moreover, the sooner he did this, the sooner he could probably bring himself to tell Shizuo what he wanted to know.

But the blond didn´t seem to quite believe his words.

"Not dangerous. Yeah as if…" he commented bitterly. Izaya sighed, well, he couldn´t blame the blond, and he was just worried.

He would probably be too, if his lover had a job that shady.

"Really, Shizuo. I am not even going to meet anyone." He tried once more.

Shizuo doubted it. No matter how he looked at the flea. It didn´t seem like he was going to do something fun.

More like tense and afraid. A look Shizuo didn´t like at all. Why would he be afraid if he was alone?

"Then... what are you doing?" he asked, trying to find out the other way round.

"Taking care of … some stuff. I will be back in a few hours." He explained. Damn couldn´t he just let it be?

Shizuo frowned. That didn´t sound like a lie, but the fact that he was going to be gone for a few hours left him restless yet again.

Since yesterday he just had the urge to stay close to the flea.

He didn´t want the raven to be gone from within his reach for even a second.

But the informant was already putting on some clothes, seemingly not intending to stay here no matter what he said.

He sighed and pulled out one from his cigarettes instead. Damn stubborn flea.

Izaya was watching with worried eyes. He hated those cancer sticks.

"Shizuo, you do know that smoking is bad for your health?" he asked while putting on some black jeans and a shirt.

Shizuo just shrugged. As if he had ever cared for those cute little warnings on the packages.

There are people smoking until their 90s and don´t have any illness for that matter and then there are people dying form lung cancer who hadn´t even smoked a single cigarette in their life.

"Of course I know. But I don´t care." He mumbled inhaling the soothing nicotine.

The following silence struck him as odd and he looked back at the raven. The sight nearly made him choke on his cigarette.

What the hell was that look for?

"What?" he asked, blowing the smoke away.

Annoyed the raven eyed him, not saying a word.

But sooner than he thought it clicked.

Hmmm…

Shizuo couldn´t prevent a grin from spreading over his face. He took another breath from the cigarette and earned an even sterner glare.

Heh, the flea was actually worried for his health. Not that it would be necessary, with that weird body of his he would almost bet on the fact that he was immune to even heavy illnesses. Even cancer.

But the sight in front of him was just too adorable.

He snickered and put out the cigarette he hadn´t even half finished smoking.

"Better?" he asked, turning around again, cigarette dropping in the dustbin.

The frown disappeared and the raven smiled once more.

"Better." He knew it wasn´t like the blond would stop smoking now altogether, but maybe he could annoy him until he did.

The raven made a mental note to hide all his cigarette packs later on. And his wallet.

So he couldn't simply go to a convenience store buying another stack.

Or maybe- "Wha-!" surprised he yelped when he felt two arms suddenly sneak around his waist and threw him back onto the bed. With a soft thud he landed on the mattress, eyes snapping open again.

"Shizu-chan! What are you do..ing…?" he asked, voice fading out as the blond hovering over the raven grinned and tilted his chin up.

"Well, since I am not allowed to smoke, I need some sort of replacement don´t you think?" and with that suddenly rough lips found their way onto his own.

Izaya shivered pleasantly, feeling the blond´s tongue tracing his bottom lip for entrance. Immediately he complied, earning a hum of approval from the blond.

The slick muscle tasted husky and a bit like nicotine, not quite a taste he hated he had to admit.

He was making it easy for Shizuo to deepen the kiss. Izaya gasped lightly, when Shizuo let his body press down onto his.

God… he loved to be in control, but damn- the way Shizuo dominantly pressed him into the mattress was definitely a huge turn on no matter how often he did it. Eagerly he kissed him back, definitely feeling how the blond´s as well as his own lower regions stirred to life.

It took him all he had, to not just wrap his legs around the blond´s waist and tell him to fuck him hard, right here, right now.

He could already feel those big hands trail down alongside his waist, definitely sensing that he was reacting to his actions and tugging softly at the pants as if asking for permission. His own had found their usual place around his lover´s neck already, keeping him there like a lock and he smiled, liking the way Shizuo was always thinking of him first.

But sadly right now he didn´t want to give a nod or something as a sign to continue. And so the hand retreated, trailing its way up under the hem of his shirt instead.

They must have been kissing like that for a minute at least before they finally pulled apart to gasp for air.

Izaya panted by now, and only reluctantly untangled his arms.

"Shizuo, I need to go." he exclaimed, not even sounding convincing to himself. Fuck the blond was a good kisser. A grin was all he earned from the blond for that.

"Can´t you stay?" he asked, suddenly sucking gently on the raven´s neck who bared it ever so obediently.

"Hhnnn... no Shizu-chan..." Ah damn, how he would love to stay here right now... but…

He knew he would just end up postponing it onto the next day. And then the next and the next and so on. Until his gathered courage would leave him again.

He wanted to get this over with.

A sigh escaped his lips.

"I really need to go, okay?" he tried once more, this time more firmly. Shizuo paused eyeing the raven.

"…Seriously?" he asked, sighing now as well. Izaya blushed at the obvious disappointment.

"We just had sex the other day you know." He mumbled.

Shizuo just tilted his head grinning.

"So? Still can´t get enough of you." He snickered and nibbled at the raven´s ear.

Izaya smiled. Really now. How did he deserve a love as pure as his?

He couldn't believe that from everyone there was out there, Shizuo fell for him.

Him alone.

It made his chest feel warm.

Shizuo realized the raven wasn´t quite responding to his touches anymore and resigned.

"Okay fine." He hummed, backing off and leaving the raven space to get off the bed.

Izaya chuckled. Oh, how bad he felt for leaving Shizuo hanging like this.

"I will be back later, okay~?" he purred. He wasn´t exactly against continuing this after all.

"You better be." He smiled and ruffled through the informant´s hair. "… Be careful okay?"

"Sure. I already told you, it´s nothing dangerous though." He replied, patting the hand away.

"Hm… " Shizuo huffed a bit making Izaya laugh.

"You could believe me for once, you know? Oh, by the way, will you go back to that place today?" Shizu blinked not getting what he meant immediately.

"Oh, you mean the café I was kicked out from yesterday?" Izaya rolled his eyes amused.

"What else might I mean?" Shizuo rubbed his neck thinking.

"… I don´t know, yeah, I guess, I mean they did give me a second chance to come back. So why not give it a try."

"Wise words for a protozoan."

"Oh shut it." He playfully hit the flea on his shoulder. Said informant just stuck out his tongue teasing.

"Try not flipping out today, okay? Would be nice if you could keep a job for once." He added. The blond just shrugged.

"Depends on the customers."

Heh of course it does.

"Try not to, okay? I will go to that café once I finished. If you still work there I will give you a reward,~" Izaya tried grinning, using himself as a bait.

… Finished what? Shizuo swore his curiosity was eating him alive.

He sighed, guessing that for once... he could trust the flea on this matter.

"... okay, I will wait for you then." He answered, and with that Izaya already skipped out of the door, "see you there then~" he snickered, leaving Shizuo alone in the apartment.

Whistling he skipped down the stairs of their apartment complex.

The sun was out and shining brightly, but for once it actually fit the raven´s mood.

Smiling he tilted his head and watched the clouds as he walked down the street.

It would only take him about 15 minutes to actually get to that place. So basically, if he wanted to meet the blond afterwards in the café, he would have to wait a little bit. Since he was starting… at 9? Yeah that should be the time.

Well it wasn´t like he had nothing to do at all.

The only thing that had top priority right now was the assassination of Shiki. Hopefully done that good that nobody would be able to guess it was him who sent the assassin.

He didn´t want the current head to go after him next after all. That would kind of defeat the whole purpose of this plan.

Just Shiki. Secretly and discreet.

As If on cue his phone suddenly gave off a suddenly noise. Telling him, he got a mail.

Nervous he pulled the device out of his coat.

There was about only one single person that would write him mails.

And that was-

He gulped.

Yup. Shit. It was the assassin.

An assassin sending a mail wasn´t something good he supposed and opened the mail with trembling hands. Ready to receive knowledge of the next disaster.

Agitated he started to read.

He was sure this would-

Oh?

He paused.

Then he read the text from the start again.

It was short, it was compact, but that didn´t make it less fascinating and ... absolutely exhilarating.

Over and over and over again he read the text.

He couldn´t believe it.

(Uy-R-35/15;3.1)

-infiltrated the target, know its whereabouts and plans, looking forward to 12 000 000 yen-

Disbelieving he stared at the screen.

Over and over he read the text again and again and yet again until the laugher, filled with utter relief, finally tore from his lips.

He couldn´t believe it! It was too good to be true!

People were staring at him and keeping their distance surely thinking he was a weirdo, but who cared?!

Who cared?!

Who honestly cared?!

Giggling he leaned against the wall of a shop.

He read the text again, and again, and yet again.

He couldn´t stop the broad smile from appearing on his face and staying there like it was glued to him.

This actually sounded really good.

Really, really good.

Will he really… be able to pull it off?

For the first time since he started this whole plan, he actually thought about the possibility of Succeeding.

Succeeding!

He could actually!

He brought a hand to his face, trying to hide his smile.

For the first time he could actually consider his plan to work.

He didn´t… he didn´t think about that option at all.

Not even once did the thought cross his mind what it would actually mean if he succeeded, he was so set on considering the worst case scenarios, and all the bad parts that could go wrong, he didn´t..

He slid down the wall and rested his head in his hands, he didn´t... consider once just what it would mean if he won.

Freedom.

He would be free.

Free of him.

Free of danger.

Free to get back to his sisters.

Free from being forced to do things.

It could go right. He chuckled, trying to subdue the grin.

Really now, what should I do…?

It felt like a dream. A dream come true.

He would have Shizuo, he would have his sisters- safe, Torakichi, could go back to Russia, himself- at ease.

Damnit, if this really was a dream he would beg for it to never stop.

\- Somehwere in Ikebukuro.-

"He is one the move." A man, dressed in a black suit had entered the dimply lit room. Positive surprised Shiki eyed the informant.

"Is that so? What is he doing?" he asked, taking another breath of his cigarette.

"As far as we could deduce he is going to Araiyakushimae." Was the prompt answer.

"Oh? Going back there? How brave. I didn´t think he would have the guts." The man laughed.

"Should we interfere Shiki-dono?" he folded his hands, seemingly thinking, before he tossed a glance at the person sitting opposite of him.

"… I think our guest should decide. Should we?" An evil grin flashed along the guest´s features.

"But of course."

-Araiyakushimae. Izaya´s point of view.-

He was here.

Finally.

With the Seibu Shinjuku line it only took him about 10 minutes to actually arrive there.

Araiyakushimae. Heh… how long has it been since he last set foot here?

He couldn´t help it but get nervous as he set foot on the ground of his former school.

Heh... long has it been.

By now the school was closed.

The windows were smeared with dirt, some broken some not, and the walls had started taking on a rather disgusting color. No-one would guess the building was supposed to be white a couple years ago.

After... that incident, it didn´t take particularly long before the rumors started spreading. No matter what they did, a death, was something they couldn´t hide form the citizens.

Of course, they had never had that many kids in this school anyway; it was barely above the limit where they would have needed to close. It was commonly known that the parents who then withdrew her children from the school knew that it would be closed.

Of course.

He went through the school gate.

No-one was here anymore. He didn´t even need to ask anyone permission to enter the school.

Nowadays its sole purpose was probably serving as a haunted house to scare little kids and keep them from going out at night.

Or as some nice sleeping place for one homeless guy for example.

Heh, now it would serve to get rid of some memories.

A bit nervous Izaya started walking towards the old shed.

It was located at the back of the school. It only had one single window, located at the roof, despite being rather big. It had the size of a class if he had to say.

It had been a club room once, then a storage room, and last but not least … a place to live.

At least for him.

He gulped when he touched the door knob. It was cold, but Izaya almost bet his shaking hand felt even colder by now.

He inhaled, trying to calm himself.

After all, no-one would be in there. He was alone. Completely.

He needed to stop running away from this.

And so he opened the door.

It made quite a shriek, probably from staying closed for a pretty long time.

Inside it was dusty and dirty.

That´s honestly the first thing he noticed.

It looked different.

Very different.

It wasn´t dark, there was actually light.

Well, okay that made sense since this was probably the first time he entered the shed during the day since that time.

He had forgotten what it looked like earlier he had to admit.

In his dreams… it was always dark. The only thing giving off light was the tiny light bulb, still hanging there in the middle of the room.

It was broken and spider-webs were hanging from the shards.

He took one step forward, entering the shed.

He could only be grateful for the fact that the dust and the spiders had coated everything up in here.

The bookshelf right next to him was nearly unrecognizable as such as it had rotten and fallen apart.

The tables and chairs stacked up in the back of the room looked like they had a blanket thrown over them and the ground was covered in dust as well.

He took a few steps forward, and kneeled down onto the floor.

It only took him a second to wipe away the dust on a particular place.

There it is.

He didn´t know when he started it, but he noticed he trembled. He rubbed his upper arms, trying to get rid of the Goosebumps as he stared at the metal ring.

…he knew what was beneath it. He knew… who died there.

He inhaled deeply, trying to calm down, causing him to cough twice.

He stepped onto the hidden entrance and spread out his arms.

"I can move now freely now." He whispered, taking in the silence that answered him.

He felt just thinking what he was thinking anyway wouldn´t do much. He decided he would have to speak out what was different now, so maybe once he heard himself say it and see it, he could really believe it.

He twisted around a slight fear welling up in him and looked back at the entrance. But it was open. Just as he left it.

"I am not trapped; I can go any time I want." He mumbled, stepping out of the door and back in.

Suddenly a little smile found its way to his lips.

"Right. I can do what I want." He skipped back into the room and looked around.

Back when he was a kid it seemed impossible to escape from here, but now that he looked at it- he could use those tables to get to the top window, right?

Or that door, by now he could pick the lock, even if someone locked him in here.

Actually nothing about this place could trap him anymore. So why should his memories do?

He looked back into the room. His sight fell to the little entrance.

…

If he managed to go down there… once and come out of it again, would he be able to forget it?

Gingerly he stepped towards the little metal ring.

He inhaled once more, trying not to cough again, and pulled.

It was surprisingly easy to open.

Opposite to the room he was in right now, the secret little storage room beneath, still... looked exactly the same as before.

The dust didn´t reach down there. The only things that did differ were two or three spider webs, and the fact, that there was nobody sitting in there to look up at him.

No Shotaro, no nothing.

Without another word he slid down into the little room. He believed it was used to store away the stuff they made in the theatre club and surely there were a few obviously self made costumes and scenes.

… He couldn´t have saved him.

He knew it. He knew it as a kid, and he knew it now. No matter which decision he had made, he would have ended up dead.

It was not his fault.

"Not my fault." He mumbled.

He lifted his hand and trailed alongside the cool wall of the tiny space.

… How many times had he done the same?

Had.

He retrieved the hand.

Past tense.

He smiled.

Right, because it was over.

Finally.

He crawled back out and closed the entrance.

Patting his pants and shirt to get rid of the dust that he got on himself he looked around one last time.

"Challenged it?" he asked, tilting his head. Shizuo just grinned, seemingly remembering something he liked.

"Yeah. One night I went into a haunted house in the neighborhood and screamed at the ghosts- they should come and get me if they dared but I would beat their ass.

Of course, nothing came. I reached the conclusion that either they didn´t exist, or they pissed their pants just as everyone else did."

Izaya gaped at the blond.

"Just like that..?"

"Just like that."

"Just like that hm?" Izaya stepped out of the shed and closed the door.

A grin flashed over his face before he turned around and faced the shed.

"It´s over! You will never get me again! Honosuke!" he yelled, some birds form a nearby tree flew away surprised.

Laughter erupted from his throat.

As silly as it was, it was freeing.

Somehow.

He chuckled, turning around.

Well, what now?

He had wasted some time before trying to find out where his assassin was, because well… he would have loved to pay him a visit by surprise and ask him face to face how things were going.

It would have relieved him even more.

But oh well, after wasting two hours trying to find something, he decided to give up on that. He just was that good it seemed.

He was just about to start walking towards the gate again, when he heard some noise behind him.

He turned around, only to find a well, pretty fat guy come out of the school building.

The guy smiled and approached Izaya with open arms.

"Izaya!" he called, making the informant frown a bit.

… Who was that? He seemed familiar, but he couldn´t quite seem to remember who that was.

Quite irritating…

"You…. Who are you?" he asked, not knowing where to put the face.

"Oi, don´t tell me you forgot me! Long time no see~!" he said, approaching Izaya. The raven took a step back. He never liked it when people approached him that seemed to know him, but he not them.

The hell…? Who is he?

No matter how hard he tried to recall, he didn´t remember a guy like that.

"Don´t tell me you don´t remember me? It´s me, Okizawa."

He paused and the frown disappeared.

...Okizawa?

A grin spread over the guys face. "…Hono´s best friend."

Izaya paused.

"Ho..no?" Suddenly another guy came out of the building.

"Oi, Okizawa I think you should tell him your former name, he won´t recognize you like this dumbass. You weren´t fat back then."

"Oh right, well then, does the name Michiru ring a bell?"

Izaya froze up on the spot.

"Oh, he does he does~!"

He looked at Michiru, he looked at the other guy, recognizing him as Kawashi. The two guys... the two guys that-

And then there was only one thought repeating in his mind.

RUN. 

RUN.

RUN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End xD Hehe~ yay I am leaving you with a cliffhanger xDD haha, but don´t worry, I will update sooner this time xD After all I am sure you wanna know what they will do to Izaya ;3
> 
> Hehehe~ poor raven~


	25. Break down

-Somewhere in Shinjuku. Shiki´s point of view.-

…

Calmly, he blew away some smoke of his cigarette and watched it disappear into thin air. He had good news.

Really good news.

"It has started." Three simple words like this were enough to satisfy his guest completely.

A malice filled grin spread over his expression, adding to his, and even Shiki had to say that, quite insane character.

This person was someone he would describe as purely evil. He had dealt with a lot of people before, but he was standing out by far. Of course, he kind of understood the reason he wanted revenge. What Izaya did to him- well it was more than a little peccadillo.

But maybe there was more reason for this? He folded his hands, thinking. His guest had not said a word yet. There was just this smirk indicating how much he enjoyed how the tables had turned.

"If you don´t mind, do tell me, what do you hope to achieve with this? Just out of curiosity. I did inform you that a certain depth-collector named Shizuo Heiwajima will tear you to shreds if he ever learns what you did to what he believes is his."

Quite the off putting argument he had to say himself. He knew of Heiwajima Shizuo´s strength. He was definitely no man to deal with lightly.

But his guest just kept on grinning and started even snickering. He stood up from his seat.

"The reason is simple- Shiki-san. It´s pay back."

Shiki eyed him nodding. He thought as much… but was it really the sole reason? "For your right eye I guess?"

He started laughing, and ripped off the patch he had been wearing during their encounter so far.

What greeted Shiki was no eye, but an empty socket. Scarred flesh covering where once a blue eye was looking from. The other staring back as cold as ice.

But it didn't faze the Awakasu-member at all. He had seen all kinds of sights in his life and this wasn´t one of the worst.

His guest grinned, gingerly touching the scarred skin.

"Exactly."

He grinned and pulled an old gun out of his pocket. It was old an rusty and obviously had never been cleaned.

Blood.

Little drops of long dried dark red blood were to be seen on it.

Shiki doubted the gun was even able to fire. It looked like he didn´t exactly keep it for defending reasons, but rather as a sort of keepsake. For whatever sick purpose he had.

"Don´t you know the saying Shiki-san?" he suddenly asked, drawing Shiki´s attention back to his words.

Smirking, he eyed the gun with his only eye.

"An eye for an eye…~"

-Araiyakushimae. In the backyard of the school. Izaya´s point of view.-

Trembling.

Oh god he was trembling. His hands were already starting to sweat and he couldn´t tear his eyes from the two in front of him.

The moment he realized who these guys were…

Shivering, he eyed the two. They were still standing there, waiting, like predators. And grinning, well of course they did. They thought they had captured him or something. Hah, as if.

The shivers, shaking his body unwillingly might let him appear vulnerable, but he sure knew how to escape. He just had to get past these two and to the front of the school. And then- finish.

There were quite a lot of citizens on the streets by now, he would either lose them in the crowd easily, or people would notice if he started a commotion.

Heh… the plan was easy, didn´t only sound so, but also was, to carry out, but the trembling still didn´t cease.

He couldn´t help but see those two as a resemblance of his past. And his past- scared him. If he had to put it into words he might have to say his fear was just as reasonable as one of spiders.

The little harmless ones couldn´t do a thing to you, but people with Arachnophobia would start screaming if they only did as much as see one.

This was similar. He knew he could easily escape, there was no real danger, but his body and mind were just screaming at him.

To run.

Run.

Run.

Run.

His switchblade had already found its way into his hand. Of course.

The metal was cool, but even though it usually managed to calm him right now it did close to nothing against his anxiety.

His fear didn´t go unseen by those two.

"So you do remember! I thought you already forgot~!" Michiru laughed sarcastically, a smirk spreading over his expression.

As if-

Izaya frowned. Calm down.

First things first, one aspect greatly irritated him.

They were here and he was here as well. On this day. At this time. - Coincidence? NO way.

He glared at the two, before finally raising his voice.

"How did you know I am here?!" the words dripped from his lips like venom. No, this was no coincidence. He felt lightheaded, thinking about just how- how did they know?

Had he been followed? Observed? How long? By whom? Why? How did they know?! What else did they know?! Dread filled him with fear, the longer he pondered on the possibilities.

But the two just laughed- found it amusing, the way Izaya started obviously panicking.

"Well, who knows~?" Kawashi shrugged and approached the raven who immediately took a step back. Only to curse his action when he saw the smirk flash over his predator´s expression.

"Oh, are you perhaps scared Izaya~?" he taunted, taking another step towards the raven.

"Ne Izaya, could it be, you still remember what we did~?" he continued smirking. Michiru slowly, approaching the raven now too.

"Haha, he must have been pretty traumatized if he reacts like that." the fat guy threw in, standing next to his pal.

"You must have been pissing yourself every time we came back to that little clubroom. What did Hono always say?" he grinned and tilted his head to the side suddenly pulling a knife of his own out of his pocket.

A maniacal grin spread over his lips as he stared Izaya straight into the eyes.

"Let´s play~ Izaya-kun~"

Izaya eyes widened a fraction. He couldn´t prevent an involuntary shiver from rupturing through his body.

"Stop it…" he rose the hand holding his switchblade and pointed it at the guy.

"Ah~ You got a knife on your own by now~ Interesting~" an evil grin flashed across his face.

"Ne, do you still remember~? When we heated them? Those blades, and sliced your skin~?"

Izaya shivered, remembering just too clearly.

"Remember the way it ripped, tore apart your flesh, oh so much blood was flowing, and those screams! Those delightful screams~!" he started giggling like crazy.

"Stop it." Izaya whispered, a pained frown finding its way onto his forehead. He wasn´t hurt, no. But just the memory made him cringe.

"I asked how you knew I was here." He repeated, but his voice had dropped considerably in volume.

A smirk on Michiru´s part was the only thing he got as response though.

"Well I guess we can say… it was no coincidence~"

THAT- was all he needed to hear.

They knew he would be here. They had found out somehow or another, and for fucking hell this was more than just a little disaster!

Finally, he gave in to the thought screaming at him from inside.

RUN.

RUN.

RUN.

And he did.

Without another word he turned on his heels and dashed to the other end of the school-

"OI!" the two didn´t stand still, of course they gave chase immediately.

But his mind was just telling him to run- run faster than he ever had in his entire life-

Fear, was just fuelling to go even faster.

Adrenaline was pumping through his veins as he dashed along the back of school-

The edge of the building was just in sight, one more turn and he would be at the front.

A few more steps and he would be outside-

He reached the edge.

He could hear a sound of rushing in his ears.

Fear was making him faster than he ever was.

Just a bit more, just to the gate, onto the street, and away from here.

Away.

Not back home. Somewhere else.

Somewhere safe. He had to disappear.

He reached the other side of the school, he turned to the gate, and-

The gate.

Was closed-

"WHAT?!" A scream, yell or rather outburst of utter disbelieve tore from his lips in dread.

The gate was closed! The walls surrounding the school, too high, and the gate itself peppered with long iron rod tips on top.

It took him a second to yell, a second to realize and another to get to the damn gate and get the fuck over it-

One hand shot up, grabbing the rods, another up ahead.

He pulled himself up.

He tried to jump over- but then-

"Ah!"

A hand!

On his back it had grabbed him, and he felt himself pulled backwards.

Losing his balance he tried holding onto the iron rods, but he was too late.

A second hand got hold of him-

THUD

The ground met him with cruel force and forced the air out of his lungs.

Suddenly there was a punch, right into his face, making him see stars.

He felt his body being pulled up by two hands and his shoulders harshly being pressed against the wall.

He hissed when he felt the back of his head hit the septum making his sight go black for a second.

An annoyed laughter reached his ears.

"Izaya~ my old friend, where did you think you were going? I don´t remember telling you to leave yet~" Izaya blinked, getting his sight back and tried to get away, but the grip on his shoulders was firm.

Kawashi was using his own body to press him up against the wall, hindering any possible movement on his part.

The fat pal just standing next to them.

Of course, like always, he didn´t like making his hands dirty.

He just enjoyed the show.

Anxious, he had to notice a long iron rod that had found its way into the guys hands.

He tried to resist and rose his hand, trying to slash with his switchblade along the thinner male´s chest-

But futile, the moment he rose his arm Kawashi´s own blade had found its way into his flesh.

"Ah!" a pained gasp escaped his lips and the blade dropped to the ground.

"Ne Izaya why re you running?" Kawashi had leaned forward and whispered the words disgustingly close it his ear.

The raven though, did nothing but glare at the predator, not more but the urge to run away rushing his already accelerating heartbeat.

"Fuck you!"

The guy just grinned a smirk filled with malice.

He stepped a step away, iron grip still on his right shoulder, as the iron rod suddenly came rushing down from the left, hitting Izaya on his shoulder.

The pain took over his system for a second and he squeezed his eyes shut.

Suddenly there was a voice next to his ear.

"Ne Izaya, say, do you feel guilty for killing him~?"

He froze.

The voice continued.

"You shot him Izaya. Oh, I still remember the expression he wore, he was scared Izaya, he was scared of you, he was disappointed Izaya- you killed him."

Sudden anger rose inside Izaya. His fault?!

No, it wasn´t his fault!

"No matter what I would have done you would have killed him regardless of my choice!"

He knew he kept thinking about how he could have saved him, he knew his mind, his dreams would let him believe it was indeed his fault, but logically speaking and looking at it, it was NOT his fault!

"It was Hono who-"

"Oh you know that´s not true." He paused, looking at the guy. Grinning, he continued.

"You knew the door was open, you had the gun, you want to tell me even if you had given your all you couldn´t have turned around to shoot Hono first? You did so later, so why not before? Huh?!" anger was visible on his ace. "You fucking shot Hono in his head." He spat.

Izaya couldn´t help getting a little nauseous as he remembered. He gulped, swallowing the bile he could already taste, remembering, just how… it had looked.. when he shot… the blood, how it splattered..

But.. it wasn´t true.

He had no choice, he couldn´t turn around. He wouldn´t have been able to shoot him first. He wouldn´t have been able to.

He couldn´t .. he couldn´t have changed it..

…

Could he…?

…

"Ne Izaya…" the voice got him back to reality. "You know it, you deserve punishment for what you did."

…

"You killed him Izaya."

He didn´t.

"You killed him to save yourself. Or better, maybe you wanted to get rid of him? Maybe you wanted to actually shoot him?"

"No, that´s no-!"

"You did!" he shut up again. "You shot him first despite having had the chance to turn around. You KNOW you had Izaya! You did it Izaya, no matter what you say, YOU are at fault. You got blood on your hands. You-"

He leaned forward and whispered into his ear once more.

"-are a murderer."

No….

That´s not…

…

He didn´t know.

He didn´t know anymore.

He was right.

He was right.

He knew the door was open.

He knew Hono was just behind him. He knew he could have turned around, but... but...

Suddenly there was the knife again, slowly starting to rip the front of his shirt and part of the skin. He flinched and tried to get away.

"Don´t struggle. You should actually want to stay. Izaya-" he grinned.

"You know you deserve it." His eyes went wide and suddenly he ceased the struggling.

Did he…. Did he really deserve it…?

Suddenly the guys sight fell onto Izaya´s waist. The long scar plainly visible.

"Heh, we did quite a number on you there didn´t we? When was that? Wasn´t it on the fifth day~? The day, you became a murderer."

…

Izaya shivered.

His thoughts for once- silent. Silently fighting.

It was his fault. It was not- what was the truth?

Years he had spent feeling guilty, years he had spent dreaming about this night, and years he had spent denying that it was actually his fault but…

What if he just lied to himself?

If he just didn´t want to accept it.

What if… he was right-

Suddenly the knife cut deeper, making him flinch.

"You know Iza- wait.. what is that?" he paused, shoving up more of Izaya´s shirt.

A surprised grin flashed over his expression.

"Kissmarks! All over your body- you actually got a lover?" Izaya unfroze and looked down himself.

And sure as hell there they were.

Kissmarks.  
Lot´s and lots of kissmarks.

From Shizuo.

Shizuo

Suddenly his eyes widened.

Shizuo. He couldn´t… he couldn´t give himself up like this- Shizuo was waiting, Shizuo loved him, he… he couldn´t-

Suddenly there was a hand grabbing him at his throat. Surprised, he gasped for air.

"Heh, now that I look at you, I think this time around we could have some kind of different fun too~" A look of utter shock crossed the raven´s expression.

"What?" he breathed and suddenly there were hands.

Disgusting hands.

His eyes widened and he started to struggle.

Hand pulling on his pants.

No way!

NO!

"LET G-!" Suddenly there was a hand shoved over his mouth and the other sueezed his throat tighter.

"Stop the screaming Izaya-kun~ I promise it will hurt a lot~"

No!

No no no!

His hands shot upward and he clawed at the guy´s arm. He tried to get it off, he tried to breath through his nose, pathetic whimpers escaping this throat.

But he couldn´t, the hand was to strong!

He didn't let go!

Suddenly he leaned over, and Izaya felt his errection press against his waist.

A wave of nausea crashed into him and he had to try hard not to vomit right there.

"See? This will be fun Izaya~" Izaya felt sick.

He didn´t want this! He didn't want this!

And suddenly he got an idea, he threw up his arms and jabbed his fingers into the guy´s eyes-

"Ah!" Reflex made the guy loosen his grip and instinctively put his hands over his hurting eyes.

The hand finally gone from his throat and mouth, he let himself fall to the floor, evading Michiru´s hands that now tried to get hold of him.

Within a second he climbed up the gate once more, faster, the fat guy taking a little longer to get to him.

He could feel the iron rod strike his back as he was too far up, he could hear Kawashi get up once more-

"GET THAT FUCKING WHORE DOWN HERE!" he could hear him attempt to climb after-

Attempt to get him again-

He jumped down-

and ran-

\- Shiki´s point of view-

"An eye for an eye?" his lips curled upwards.

"Well, looking back the last time you tried you didn´t succeed in taking one of his eyes."

The one-eyed man glared at him.

"Coincidence. A little fluke. It won´t happen again." He spat between tight lips approaching the older male.

Shiki rose his hands in defense.

"No offense, I am just stating facts." He took another breath of his cigarette.

Really fascinating this individual.

"So. When do you plan to make your appearance?" A simple question, but it seemed to amuse his guest greatly.

"Once I got him quivering and crying in fear~" he purred.

\- X´s point of view.-

It was dark, but not night.

He was simply in a room, only lit by a slightly broken light bulp.

The gleaming iron still giving enough light.

So two more days it will be.

A phone got snapped open in the dark, only barely lighting the bearded man´s face and a number on speed dial got called.

"Yo. We will do it today. Two individuals. You know where. Then we will go for the big fish."

He was met with silence. Only a single knocking rhythm was heard.

But that was what he waited for.

"Good. Stick to the plan."

-In a café. 8pm. Shizuo´s point of view. -

Impatient Shizuo tapped with his fingers on the counter.

Where was he?

It was 8 pm by now for fuck´s sake.

Just where was the flea?

He said he just had to take care of a few things. Why the hell did that stuff he had to do take so long?!

They would close the café in an hour!

He sighed and ruffled through his hair.

"Shit.."

He couldn´t shake off this feeling.

Where?

Just where was he?

He hated this feeling in his gut. Because exactly this feeling this intuition he had almost never failed him.

And he had a bad feeling.

Like something happened.

Like something happened to Izaya.

"Shizuo-kun could you help me get the new load?" one of his co-workers snapped him out of his thoughts.

Unwillingly, he stepped away from the counter. He had been standing here and staring at the entrance as if it would make the raven come sooner for two hours at least.

And he bet he scared some customers off with that frown that was definitely placed on his face.

One last time he glanced at his phone- but there as still no call from Izaya.

He had tried calling him before, but just the mailbox was answering him.

Had he turned off his phone?

"Fuck." He cursed and disappeared into the back of the café.

This restlessness was killing him.

But only one more hour. One more hour it was.

He would wait. He trusted the flea.

No, on second thought, he didn´t. But he wanted to trust him.

He said he wasn´t going to do anything dangerous.

He said he would come back to the café.

He would wait just a bit more.

One hour.

And fuck he really hoped the flea would be here by then.

\- Ikebukuro. 8:30pm. Izaya´s point of view.-

Faster, faster!

He was running.

Running as fast as he could-

No matter how many people were already there, no matter how many underground trains he could have taken no matter how many times he could have hidden, his mind was a mess.

All he could think of was to run.

Run as far as he could.

He had long lost the two.

He didn´t see them behind him anymore, but he couldn´t stop. He couldn´t stop because the fear, the fear was gripping at his shoulders from behind as if the death reaper itself was after him.

He couldn´t.

He was too afraid. Too afraid to stop.

It was already evening, it was dark, and he still skipped along the streets.

By now- the streets of Ikebukuro.

He ran all the way here, stamina had left him long ago, his lungs were burning with each breath he took and he had a slight feeling once he stopped running he might pass out from the sudden rush of oxygen, but the fear kept him running, the adrenaline in his veins didn´t cease pumping.

He was just so scared! So damn, scared…!

That guy before he wanted to-

No! He didn´t want that!

He didn´t want anything that guy planned on doing to him!

"Awww Won´t you talk? Won´t you scream for help now~?"

Blood so much blood was dripping down the mouth. A mouth that didn´t belong to Izaya.

"Oh my, I apologize, my mistake, you can´t talk anymore, right~?"

"No…" It was but a silent whisper falling from the little raven´s lips.

His eyes were fixated on the sight, trailing to the now no longer moving muscle on the ground.

"YOU FUCKING MONSTE-!"

Then a hit.

A punch, a slice with the heated knife.

Izaya collapsed to the ground, he could barely feel his broken arm and knee anymore.

Blankly he stared at the pained figure. His own pain fading to the background turning into nothing but a dull throbbing.

Tears, blood, both were streaming from his face.

He was crying.

Another punch.

It was his fault.

His own eyes stinging from the pain, from the knowledge, it was his fault just because of him-

Another punch, numbing his senses for but a second was thrown into his face.

"OI respond! You piece of shit!"

A kick.

He didn´t try to get up.

His sight was fixed onto the weak figure craddled on the floor.

It was his fault.

"Tch-" his eyes started burning as salty liquid dripped down his eyes and he wiped it away aggressively.

Run. Just run.

He jumped, he dashed, he aimed for the café he promised to meet Shizuo at.

Faster than he ever did, even faster than with Shizuo. Past memories and the present mixing in his head.

It was his fault.

It was my fault.

My fault.

My fault.

My fault.

A sudden loud noise right behind him startled him so greatly it nearly made him stumble- before he knew it, he had instinctively turned into an alley and faced the only entrance.

His hands ready to grab his favorite flick-blade, only to freeze and realize that he left it there.

Tremors shook his body as he backed away to the wall, waiting- waiting for something to happen, for his two predators run after him.

But nothing happened.

No-one came.

And no less than a few minutes later Izaya realized why.

He had lost them before.

His paranoid mind still fixated on the alley entrance, he backed away, hiding in the shadows.

His hands were trembling, his eyes wide, fear tormented him from the very core of his being.

He couldn´t shake off the idea that they still knew where he was.

That they would come around the corner any moment.

He had to get away, he had to go, but… he couldn´t.

What if they didn´t know where he was and saw him when he got out of here? Out of the shadows?

His conscience knew what he was thinking was by no means logical. He knew he should just get up and out of here, lots of people were just walking by the alley.

Shizuo wasn´t that far away too.

But his body was still in the flight and flee mode. Every noise every movement in the corner, it made his anxiety rise to infinity. He pressed his back into the wall.

Trying to make himself even smaller.

"Oi, Izaya~! How about we level the game up a bit~?"

"No no no-!"

Too late- it burned, it hurt, he screamed.

A kick to his face.

"Shut the fuck up!"

He did as told, because he didn´t…

He looked at the slick muscle still lying on the ground.

No, he didn´t want that.

He didn´t want that.

He didn´t want his tongue to end up there as well.

Shivering, he slid down the wall.

What if they found him?!

He felt it, the paranoia, the fear, all crawling up inside.

He couldn't help it, an unbearable feeling of helplessness overcame him.

And guilt, so much guilt.

Fear.

He was scared.

He was disgusted. Felt nauseous.

Kawashi wanted to.. to ra-

He felt sick just thinking about it.

How did they know he was there?!

What if they knew where he was now too?!

The same questions just repeated in his mind over and over again-

He looked around, his head snapped to the left, the right, repeatedly.

What if they followed him?!

What if someone was waiting for him to come out of this alley?!

Panic, paranoia, hysteria was getting the better of him within seconds as he pulled his knees up. His breath accelerated to an alarming speed.

No, he didn´t want to experience something like that ever again.

No.

He had to get somewhere safe.

But he was too scared to move…

He shivered. He just couldn´t bring himself to go, or even stand up and look.

He couldn´t do this alone anymore.

No, not longer.

He felt caged in his own mind, guilt, fear, memories he kept locked away kept rushing to him as if they happened yesterday.

He couldn´t cope with them alone anymore.

Not now not here not..

Shizuo.

Before he knew it his phone found its way into his hands.

A frown appeared on his face.

If he called Shizuo, if he told him what happened… Shizuo said he would listen.

Shizuo said he would give him time.

But if he knew… what would he think?

He could call him to get him, he could tell him everything, but what then?

Fuck, he felt like suffocating, like crying.

He choked on dried tears.

He couldn't tell, he couldn't tell.

But he had to get away from here. He wanted to get back to him.

He inhaled deeply, his breath still shaking.

He had to be calm.

He was dirty, he was guilty, he couldn´t bear having to tell Shizuo what he did.

One more time he inhaled and finally called back the blond who had called him five times by now.

-Both´s point of view.-

Sudden ringing startled the blond and he promptly let everything fall right where he stood to get out his phone.

Izaya was calling him!

Finally!

A wave of relief washed over the blond and he picked up.

"Izaya where are you?" Izaya flinched. A small smile tugging at his lips despite still feeling the urge to cry.

It was just Shizuo´s voice. But fuck, he felt as if he didn´t hear it in ages. He cleared his throat.

"Shizuo… I-" Izaya paused.

"Oi you can´t just drop everything and make a phone call!" Loud yelling was heard in the background.

"Oh shut the fuck up! This is important okay?!" Shizuo´s voice sounded annoyed.

"Your job... ?" Izaya tried tentatively.

"I didn´t mess up so far…" was the only response he got from the blond.

God Shizuo was glad. He really got a bad feeling, but Izaya seemed like Izaya.

"I see." Izaya paused, he couldn´t say it. How was he supposed to start? Just saying please get me out of an alley would be one hell of a weird request.

"Now, where the hell are you Izaya? I thought you would come?" Shizuo continued, stepping outside the café with a cigarette. It was already dark and the light from the café illuminated the smoke.

"…no I will be late." He replied to his question, not knowing what to say- fuck he shouldn´t have called without a plan first.

Shizuo paused a second. Somehow, something seemed off.

He couldn't really put a finger on it though. Was it his imagination?

"Ne Izaya… when are you getting home?" he asked, paying close attention to the raven´s voice.

"… I don´t know I will call you later."

…

That pause was definitely suspicious.

"Shizuo-kun, would you please come back inside? The manager is getting-"

"Not now." Annoyed Shizuo waved the girl off. She was part of the staff.

But now he could care less about the job, something was bothering him.

And the fact that this uneasy feeling he had earlier returned didn´t help at all-

"Izaya, is everything alright…?" Izaya´s eyes widened.

Shit shit shit.

He noticed.

"Of course, why do you ask?" shit too rushed!

Too fast. Shizuo frowned. Izaya was lying about being alright?

"Why are you asking, Shizuo?" Izaya tried to add more calm, but the words just surprised the blond even more.

Shizuo?

Did he really call him Shizuo just now?

The silence Izaya received almost drove him insane.

"…are you still there?" he asked softly.

"Izaya, what´s going on?" the harsh words made Izaya flinch.

"Huh? … what are you talking about Shizuo?" Shizuo gritted his teeth.

"Don´t you dare fucking lie to me!" surprised his eyes widened. He was angry.

"Shizuo?" A vein popped on Shizuo´s head.

"Shizuo, Shizuo, Shizuo! You have been calling me SHIZUO with a composed voice this whole time! The only times you do that is when we have sex when you´re dead serious or really fucking afraid of something! I know it´s probably not the first and second option, so tell me NOW, what´s wrong?!"

Izaya paused. Shit.

"What´s wrong..? What´s…" he couldn´t he-

"Izaya don´t you dare say now nothing is wrong! There is something bothering you! Why won´t you just tell?! Are you in danger?!"

Izaya´s eyes went wide.

Danger.

Those guys wanted to torture him once more.

"Did someone hurt you?!"

Hurt-

"What´s wrong?!"

He hiccupped.

Everything. Everthing´s wrong…

Ne Izaya~? What´s your decision?

BANG

NO!

What.. red. Crimson.

It´s flowing. No..

What?

Blood.

Blood.  
Everywhere.

It´s blood.

"You killed him Izaya~"

No…

"Good work, right between the eyes, hmmm could it be you enjoyed it~?"

No.

"Look at all that blood~! Oh my, I think his brains are leaking out~"

"DON`T TOUCH HIM!"

BANG

He couldn´t stop it. Suddenly there were the tears, the tears that he prevented from falling, the tears he never cried awake.

More and more they streamed down his face.

He couldn´t stop it. He couldn't stop the crying.

Not when talking to Shizuo, not after what happened.

He couldn´t do this anymore.

He was breaking apart and he knew it.

He knew it, this mask it was broken.

Shizuo on the other hand waited anxiously- why wasn´t he saying anything?!

He felt a tad guilty, he screamed at the raven because he couldn´t bear having the raven lie to him about his feelings when obviously something was wrong, but… shit. He exhaled, trying to calm his voice.

Something was wrong. He needed to know what.

"Izaya? Oi Izaya. Please answer-" Suddenly he paused.

A weird sound reached his ear.

Just what-

He felt like someone pulled away the floor away from under his feet when he noticed just what it was- it sounded like crying!

"Izaya are you crying..?!" Izaya flinched. Even more tears rolled down his cheeks.

He couldn´t stop, he couldn´t answer. He was pathetic, he could do nothing but cry, he wished he could just disappear already.

Get away from everything.

"Oi, Izaya?! Answer me…! Izaya! What the hell happened?!" To say Shizuo was getting seriously worried now would be a huge understatement.

Sobs were reaching his ears once more.

"…I-I … just..met them …. and then.." he breathed between sobs whacking his body.

"Huh?! Met who…?!" Who did he meet?! What did they do?! Why was he crying?! Shit, what happened to the flea?!

Only crying sounds reached his ears once more.

"Izaya!"

"… I was just scared… I thought they would get me again…." He wiggled out-

Get?!

"Then… they… they..." he stuttered, not able to tell what Kawashi tried to do.

Shizuo couldn´t bear the words unspoken.

"Are you hurt?! Oi Izaya?!" the raven hiccupped.

"Only a little bit.… I…" Okay- that was enough.

"Oi, what are you doing?! You can´t just go! Your shift isn´t-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

CRASH

Within seconds Shizuo had punched the manager into the face and ran down the street. But where to search?

"Sorry…" Shizuo paused. Wait what- did Izaya just apologize?

"Izaya-"

"… Sorry… I am really… sorry…! …I…"Pathetic gasps reached his ears and a worried frown found its way onto his forehead.

As weird as it sounded, those apologies… he sensed they were not aimed at him.

"… It´s okay…" he tried calming the raven. He didn´t know what was wrong, he didn't know what happened, but it were the only words that came to mind as comfort.

"It´s all my fault..!" but he only burst out into tears once more.

"Izaya what is-"

"Just because of me…!" he couldn´t bear it anymore. Kawashi was right! He was right! All this time! Shizuo grew more and more uneasy by the second.

"Izaya, where are you now?"

"…" No answer.

"Izaya." The raven paused, wiping away the still streaming tears.

"In an alley." He knew he had to tell him. It was over, he knew already something was wrong. He wouldn´t leave him be now.

"An alley? Where? Can you move?" Izaya shook his head cringing. No. no he couldn´t.

"No." and why?

"Is it because you´re hurt?" Not even that.

"No." Surprised Shizuo paused. Huh?

"Then why-"

"Scared." Seriously he was just pathetic.

"Eh?"

"I´m too scared to move." Shizuo couldn´t even describe what that single sentence made him feel.

"…. where exactly?" he repeated.

"..."

"Izaya please I can´t find you if you don´t give me at least a hint-"

"… an alley, two streets down the café." Relieved Shizuo turned and ran down the streets. Now he had a location, at least!

"Izaya you said you are hurt a bit. What´s a bit?" he couldn´t help but ask, the worry was eating him alive, and in Izaya´s case, "a bit" could be anything right now, from a bullet through his body to a simple bruise.

But Izaya didn´t answer. He was almost about to ask him once more, anxiety getting the better of him when he got his response.

"..not enough…" it was barely above a whisper but he caught it. The answer didn't confuse him any less though.

"Not en- Izaya what are you talking about?"

"It´s all my fault Shizu-chan… it would have been better if I was never born at all-" Shizuo´s eyes widened.

The same voice.

The exact same sentence.

"Really now, maybe it would have been better if I was never born at all." He chuckled, gulping down another drink.

Shizuo looked at the flea with a shock. From everything he would have expected the flea to say, this wasn´t part of it.

The way Izaya smiled, but looked crushed at the same time tugged at Shizuo´s heart. He crawled over. He couldn´t bear to just listen any longer.

"Izaya why are you saying that?" he asked, keeping a close look on Izaya´s expression.

He put on that forced smile of his again.

"It´s true Shizu-chan~! I ruined everything~!"

"I ruined everything Shizuo, I am a monster."

"No, Izaya you´re not a monster!" What was wrong?!

Panting, he dashed down the streets, head snapping from left to right while checking the streets.

"You said in one of the alleys, right?" he asked. … but there was no reply.

Shit.

"Iza-" Suddenly he stopped dead track in front of an alley.

A small figure was sitting far in the back.

Shizuo couldn´t believe his eyes.

Izaya.

The blond was shocked, blood was on the raven´s back and neck, his chest had been cut with a knife it seemed as well as his arm, but what shocked him the most wasn´t even that- but his expression.

It was empty it was hurt, it was just- broken.

Like he didn´t even care to put on any kind of façade anymore.

Just- broken.

"Shizu-" he didn´t even get to say the blond´s name before the man had approached him and pulled him into his lap.

A tight hug embraced the shivering form.

"It´s alright, I am here…" Izaya´s face consorted. He didn´t deserve this. He didn´t.

Tears streamed down his face once more.

He didn´t deserve it. Not at all.

"Are you hurt?" the question took him off guard and he stilled.

"I mean, seriously injured?" Shizuo asked tentatively once more. He could see the blood, but he didn´t know how bad it was.

"No." Izaya answered faint. Shizuo sighed, at least a little bit relieved and just hugged him.

"I´m sorry… before, .. I thought it would be safe, but.." Shizuo closes his eyes and softly brushed through Izaya´s hair.

"Shhh…you can tell me later, just calm down for now okay…?" he pushed the raven´s head back a bit, only so much he could look him into the eyes. Gingerly he rubbed away some tears from the corner of his eyes.

"I am here, nothing can happen to you now… okay?" he leaned his head onto Izaya´s forehead.

The informant just closed his eyes and nodded a little.

Shizuo´s mind was about to go crazy by now though. Just what happened?!

He seemed really fucking fragile, like he could break any time. And he was shivering. No, he was trembling like a leaf- and it was not because it was cold.

"Let´s go home…" he mumbled softly.

Izaya nodded slowly and Shizuo got up, not once letting go of Izaya´s hand.

Izaya wanted to get up as well, but the second he tried to stand he felt his legs give away.

Shizuo noticed in time and quickly caught him.

"Izaya?" he asked worried. The raven just shook his head.

"Tired." He answered simply, trying to put on a smile, but he failed terribly. He had been running non-stop for so long, and now, that the fear subsided, he felt nothing but drain left.

He was exhausted.

Shizuo simply nodded and squat down indicating the raven to get on his back.

"Get on, I will carry you."

Izaya sighed, guilty, but also relieved and got onto his back, his arms lazily finding their way around his neck as Shizuo got up.

He rested his head on Shizuo´s shoulder. He was just tired. So, so tired.

Worreid Shizuo took some cautious steps forward.

I have never seen him that vulnerable…

What happened…? More importantly, why did he pretend to be okay…?

The questions really haunted him.

But for now he would keep quiet. The last thing Izaya needed now was to be asked about what happened it seemed.

…

It didn't take long until they reached their home anyway.

Neither of them spoke a word.

He quickly unlocked the door and stepped inside the warm room with Izaya still on his back.

The raven sighed blissfully at the warmth surrounding him. Before he knew it Shizuo had dropped him on the bed. A little surprised, but too tired and wasted to care he looked at the blond.

Shizuo just smiled a little and got Izaya´s sleeping clothes.

No more words were exchanged as they got dressed.

Not even when Shizuo got the first aid kit and patched up Izaya´s little wounds.

No question was asked, no answer was given.

And before he knew it time had passed, he had still said no word, but Shizuo was by his side. He found himself trapped in Shizuo´s comforting arms, wrapped around him as he waited for the raven to fall sleep. He really looked like he needed the rest.

Izaya looked at the blond. He was still not saying anything, he was not asking, he was not prying, he was just there.

…

He snuggled closer.

… He felt guilty… what happened that time… he shivered…

Shizuo didn´t miss the motion. A kiss to the forehead was the next Izaya got making him look at the blond.

"Are you okay?" It was the first sentence he had spoken so far since they came back.

Izaya avoided his glance.

"Sorry…" Shizuo paused. This time the sorry really was meant for him.

"Why are you apologizing?" he asked, hugging the raven closer.

"…I didn´t want to make you worried like this. That was stupid of me… I don´t deserve you Shizuo…" the raven´s hands pushed at the blond´s chest, indicating to get away, but of course not with Shizuo.

A frown found its way onto his expression quickly and he pulled him back.

"Stop talking nonsense already flea." He whispered, holding his lover close. "Why should you not deserve me?"

…

Silence met the blond.

Izaya couldn´t do it.

If he said it… what would happen?

If he told him…

He gulped and exhaled.

No.

He had to get out with the truth.

Now.

"… Shizuo, I…"

Fuck... this was hard.

"I killed someone…" Shizuo´s eyes widened.

"…. You what?" he asked once more. Not loosening the hug.

"…I told you I had a friend when I … when I was drunk… right? Shotaro was his name." he started.

Shizuo nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I remember but you also said, that he… betrayed you-" Izaya flinched at the phrasing. Shizuo didn´t fail to notice it.

"… Izaya, what did he do to you…?"

"... a bunch of things.. happened that time..."

Unbearable silence met the blond´s ears again.

"Izaya…?"

But he stayed quiet.

Shizuo swore it drove him insane by every second that went by.

All those single puzzle pieces flew through his mind. Those nightmares. Those apologies. Those tears.

The names he mentioned. That old guy he was supposed to forget.

When he moved the bookshelf. His scars. His fear. His relation to his parents. His sisters.

The worst case scenario. He killed someone.

He felt like his head was exploding from thinking. He had so many puzzle pieces, but seemed to fail at putting them together.

And yet he was silent. He knew he couldn´t ask.

Until he felt the raven hide in his chest and words he never thought he would hear were caught by his ears.

"Shizuo… I´m.. I am going to tell you now… okay?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNN
> 
> Hehehe~ Oh yes Izaya is gonna tell him now~ ;3
> 
> Now- I hope you didn´t find it weird that Izaya basically just poked Kawashi in the eyes to make him let go xD
> 
> Now my dear readers, be prepared for a little break from the ongoing events xD Cause this is going to take some time. :3 just to avoid any confusion I will write his past from Izaya´s child perspective, and only sometimes return to the present for Izaya to throw in some sentences or something. So the title of the next chapter is this:
> 
> Chapter 25: Day 0- Shotaro
> 
> Then there will follow Chapter 26: Day 1- Curiousity killed the cat, Day 2… , day 3… and so on. For those who paid attention they know exactly how many "Day" chapters there will be ;3
> 
> Well then I hope you liked this chapter -^.^-
> 
> And remember~:
> 
> A review a day, keeps the writer´s block away~ ;3


	26. Day 0-Shotaro

-Shizuo´s point of view. At their apartment.-

"You want to…" Shizuo looked at the trembling figure in his arms. Izaya´s hand clung to his shirt as he spoke and he hugged him tighter. He couldn´t believe it, did the flea really say what he believed he said?

Izaya hiccupped, trying to hold back the annoying tears.

He hated them, why was he the one crying? He was a murderer, he shouldn´t cry for fucks sake, if anything he should accept punishment.

Because he deserved it. The more he thought about it, the more he thought he did.

If it weren´t for him, if it weren´t for his damn curiousity this would have never happened in the first place…

Damn.. he hated this. Why was he so scared in the first place, he had no right to be scared. Apart from the fact, that it happened ages ago- ages! he had no right …

Yet he could remember every detail, he could remember every sound, every scream, ever ounce of pain he felt.. he could feel the fear he had, the immense fear each time he heard footsteps approach that damned door-!

It was just too real, too real in his mind to forget…

He sniffed, feeling the tears still trickle down his cheeks. "Izaya-" Shizuo´s soft voice reached his ears. Pulling him back to the present.

"Damn it-!" almost furiously he wiped at his eyes. He didn´t want to cry. He hated it. He hated being weak like this.

He really hated it.

He inhaled deeply, trying to cease the annoying shivering.

He had to calm down.

He would get rid of this.

Now.

He had to stop thinking about what the blond would do once he heard.

He couldn´t live with all these masks and lies anymore.

He had to tell him. Shizuo had a right to know.

At least Izaya felt by now as if he indeed had one.

…

He sighed once more and snuggled close to the blond.

"..tell you. Yes." He repeated slowly.

Izaya tightened his grip as he remembered the time, the time he wished to forget for so long but failed to anyway.

The moments in his life that kept repeating every night since then.

While Shizuo held his breath, not wanting to miss a single word.

"…it all began … in my 4th year of primary school…"

-PAST-

-Izaya´s (11-year-old) child point of view. Morning. In class-

Boring… boring… boring…

"He will be in my group!"

"No in mine!"

*Tip tap tip tap*

Fingers were dancing on a school desk.

A raven haired boy was sitting on the chair in front of it. He seemed bored, well to be honest, he was.

His head was resting on the table and his hand tapping in a fast rhythm on the wooden timber panel.

A group of kids were what was making the uproar.

They gathered in the front of the class unlike the young raven and quarrel about something.

About what?

"Izaya is going to come to our group!"

About Izaya.

"No, he is coming to ours!" one of them said determined only to earn protests from the other classmates.

This wasn´t even one single class. It was actually two two different ones quarreling over the little raven.

Izaya sighed and continued looking out of the window.

For all they quarreled about which group he was going to join, he didn´t really care at all.

Honestly, it always went the same.

Didn´t they get bored already?

It was just a field trip, the one they would start going on in a month.

They would be away for a single week, not that big of a deal he thought.

Well. Usually he thought they were interesting, after all, he loved getting to know new things, but the point was that he had already been there before.

So he wasn´t really that eager to go there at all.

He looked out of the window.

His vermillion eyes scanning his surroundings.

It was a rainy day, and the little water droplets, falling from the sky, got stuck on the glass, slowly trailing their way down and forging together with more.

*Drip drop drip drop*

*Tip tap tip tap*

Waterdrops and finger tapping formed a fast rhythm as Izaya watched the dark cloud move. It was pretty stormy outside.

He bet there would be lots of damages from falling branches or just the wind and rain that would cause car accidents for example.

A slight grumbling was heard from thunder.

There-

Another lightning.

He counted the seconds again.

"One, Two, thr-"

Loudly the shock thundered through the humid air.

He tilted his head thinking. Only three seconds.

"1km it is then." He mumbled to himself.

He knew that sound traveled at the speed of about 333m/s whereas the light was seen instantly for it´s fast speed. And he knew 1000m made up 1km.

So the equation was easy.

He just had to divide the seconds he counted by 3 and knew how many Kilometers it was away.

He smiled. His grandfather sure taught him practical stuff.

He should be home today too, right?

His father was away for work, and his mum would only return with his sisters in the late afternoon.

He tilted his head, stopping the tapping. Another lightning had struck, this time he heard the thunder even faster.

The storm is coming closer.

What if it crashed into school?

What if the light went out because of it?

He looked around class.

His classmates were playing rock-paper-scissors now to determine which class he would go to.

Maybe he should never have said he didn´t care and just picked one of them. Thinking about it again though he didn´t really care how much time they wasted.

It was september, summer break was over and the new year had started. No tests were yet to learn for, and in class they were barely doing anything particularly educational for the time being.

The field trip the teachers had planned for them was the first vacation they would go on this year as a new class.

Izaya suspected they did it so they would make friends amongst each other.

Not that he was looking forward to it or anything.

Silently, he watched his classmates as he leaned back on his chair, a pencil now balancing on his nose.

He didn´t get why they were fighting about him anyway.

It´s not like he was friends with any of them, even those he was actually in the same class with the past year- the opposite, they didn´t even know him at all.

Not that he was hated, but he wasn´t loved by anyone either.

It´s not like he cared though, he wasn´t really interested in talking to them anyway. He preferred going to the library at lunch breaks or simply watch them in the yard.

Yet it was always that way. Somehow everyone still seemed to remember his name, even more so than those of the more active classmates.

He always was the only one left when they reshuffled classes for their trips, and as soon as they noticed everyone would all of a sudden want him to join.

He didn't get them.

Why did they do that? Sympathy? Did they feel bad for him?

He was a little curious.

"Izaya, we decided~! You are coming to our group!" one of the other kids approached him.

Suddenly there was loud rattling.

The head teacher entered the classroom.

Izaya got up from his chair quickly.

He hadn´t even heard the bell ring.

Curious eyes rested on the old crocodile woman as she entered the room.

Seriously, he hated her, she always asked him stuff she knew he didn´t want to talk about.

But that was not what triggered his curiousity.

There was something behind the crocodile.

To be precise it was a boy, a new boy the raven didn´t know and he was quite certain he at least knew what most of the people in this tiny school looked like.

The boy was rather small, had short brow hair and blue eyes. A plaster was stuck to his forehead.

Hmmm a pipsqueak

He looked like he was the clumsy type, at least judging from the plaster on his forhead.

After the class had found their way to their seats and greeted the crocodile, the raven sat down again. His eyes were still focused on the newly found interest.

"Well then, today we will get a new classmate! He is a few days late due to having been sick, please take care of him." Cheerfully she patted the boy on the back, shoving him in the front.

The boy looked around the class.

Heh

Quite a surprise. Izaya would have thought he would be nervous or something, but a broad smile was plastered on his face as he looked at all the kids.

"Shotaro Sakurai, Nice to meet you-!"

-PRESENT-

-Shizuo´s point of view.-

"Wait, Shotaro? Wasn´t that the friend you mentioned?" Shizuo interupted, recognizing the name immediately.

The raven nodded quiet.

"Yes he was."

Shizuo frowned, the raven looked so…. hurt when he talked about him.

"Oi what happened between you and him? You said he betrayed y-"

"No that´s not it!" Izaya immediately cut off the blond midsentence, efficiently shutting him up. Shizuo blinked.

Well now he was confused. So far he had gotten the image that this Shotaro was the one who betrayed him after a while, was he not?

He was rather confused now to say the least.

So he kept quiet, waiting for the raven to continue instead.

Izaya sighed. He had made the blond misunderstand with what he said he guessed.

He couldn´t particularely remember what he said exactly when he talked about his past at their little drunk evening, but he remembered mentioning Shotaro´s name in a rather confusing context.

Of course there was no way a little kid like him could have betrayed him or cause him such terror.

No. he was not the one causing it.

He was the one getting caught up in it.

"Shotaro… was an energetic kind of person.." Izaya started once more, Shizuo staying silent as he listened. "He always had his nose everywhere and kept following me around." The raven chuckled. Oh yeah, that he did, he was a real pest if he had to put it bluntly. He still remembered how hard he tried to get rid of him.

"…that day when he joined our class I just thought he would be another one just to add to the class, I thought of him as just another individual whose name I was supposed to know and that I could watch. I didn´t think though that he would follow me."

Just watch his surroundings. Yeah.

He loved doing that as a kid. Not interrupt them or cause confusions, but just silently watch over them.

That was what he enjoyed the most at that time.

"Follow?" Shizuo asked quietly once more. Izaya nodded softly.

"He kept tailing me wherever I went, even on my way home from school, we didn´t live too far away from it at that time. I always shoved him away though or even yelled at him." Shizuo blinked surprised.

"What you even yelled?", he certainly had the raven yell at him but imagining a little Izaya that yelled at a kid, was actually difficult to imagine.

So far he had thought Izaya had more been the quiet type of child that would avoid any confrontation.

Yeah quite strange considering as an adult he had kept annoying the blond for fun. But he had seriously thought of him that way.

"Yeah, he actually managed to make me that mad." Izaya smiled at the memory.

"He was really a little pest… the first time I realized that was in the library one day."

-PAST-

-Izaya´s point of view. In the library.-

*Tick tock tick tock*

….

So silent…

Izaya looked around the room.

He was in the rather tiny library of the school, sitting on a chair, his legs on the table and an open book over his head.

He had kept reading books from the farther up section. Today he had discovered some book about Celtic mythology.

It was quite interesting he had to say, and he was kinda proud of himself that he could even read it so well, there were lot´s of Kanji´s in it that he bet no-one at least from his class would know.

But while time flew by he got bored even doing that.

Heh… he got tired of reading anyway.

Especially since recently..

He was getting sick of being locked into his room because of his father.

Frowning a little, he lifted the book up from his head.

His eyes weren´t really focused on it though. The were distant.

…. He would be home again today wouldn´t he?

…

Of course he would.

Heh, visiting the devil kid

…

A sigh escaped his lips and he tilted back on his chair, balancing on the latter two chair legs.

Maybe he shouldn´t have told…

Maybe he should.

He didn´t know, all he knew was that both of them were blaming him.

For everything…

Tch..

He didn´t even care anymore.

...

He looked out of the window and crossed his arms behind his head.

The rain and storms had passed since the air wasn´t so humid anymore.

Almost opposite to-

"What are you reading?"

Surprised Izaya jumped in his seat, barely avoiding to tilt over by grabbing the edge of the table.

He shot a glare at the intruder.

Well it wasn´t as if the library was his, he knew that, but the fact that he was used to being alone in this room for ages he kind of felt hostility towards the boy who had come in.

Especially since he had unpleasantly surprised the little raven.

He looked at the guy, almost instantly recognizing him.

Well, with that plaster on the forhead he would have had to be pretty stupid to not recognize the boy.

The pipsqueak…

A grin was plastered on his face.

That little fucker knew that he had surprised the raven.

"I asked what you are reading." He repeated once again, reaching forward to grab the book Izaya was still holding.

Annoyed the raven leaned away, making it impossible for the smaller boy to reach the book.

"Oi, who said you can just take that book? It´s too difficult for you to read anyway." He frowned.

He disliked that kid already.

Shotaro instantly frowned back at the raven.

"We are in the same class." He stated, obviously meaning that they should be able to read the same books.

The raven rolled his eyes.

"So?" he asked, making the kid roll his eyes in an attempt to mock him as well.

"We should know the same kanjis." He stated, crossing his arms.

Annoyed Izaya put the book down.

Great, he seemed to be stubborn. He was so not in the mood to deal with an annoying classmate right now.

A smirk crawled on his face as he got an idea. He wanted to read it?

Well he should go ahead and try-

".. okay read it." he announced, handing the book over, a smile decoration his expression.

The boy grinned satisfied and took the heavy piece of literature, curiously opening the cover.

But only too soon, a frown found its way onto his forehead and got deeper and deeper and deeper with each page he turned-

The raven couldn´t avoid but to grin a little at the boy´s reaction. He knew it.

"What wrong pipsqueak, can´t read it?" he asked laughing, as the boy sent him a glare.

Of coure he couldn´t he didn´t expect him to be able to do it in the first place.

And the kid seemed to realize that too.

"I bet you can´t either anyway, you were just tricking me. And don't call me that! I´m not that short!" he prostested, putting the book back on the desk and sat down on the chair opposite to Izaya.

The raven blinked.

What was he still doing here?

"Do you want something from me?" he asked, watching the boy.

Shotaro just continued to look at him.

A weird sense of determination was visible on his face.

"I want to be your friend."

-PRESENT-

-Izaya´s point of view.-

"He wanted to be your friend?" Shizuo asked a little surprised. "What did you say?"

The raven chuckled and shook his head.

"I didn´t say anything, I basically, bluntly ignored him and went out of the room. You know I thought if I just ignored him like that he would give up sometime, but damn, he was so persistent! Really, I actually wanted to get rid of him, he was a hassle, always around, I didn´t have my peace." Izaya laughed, it was a real laugh.

Shizuo smiled a little, but somehow it tugged at his heart.

The raven sounded so happy talking about the boy… what happened to him? If he didn´t betray him, then what…?

Izaya however was still talking about the kid, the smile in place and his eyes hung up in the past.

"I didn´t even know at that point why he was that stuck up with me. I mean, he didn´t try to make any other friends at all." He continued, his eyes losing a bit of the happiness they had emited.

"… he followed me around so much to the point I actually got used to him being somewhere near me." He admitted. He could still remember it, always, really always that kid was around.

And even better, one day he discovered the boy actually had quite some knowledge. Not the usual kind, he was interested in a lot of things that Izaya never heard about to that point.

It was quite helpful to have that kid around in the beginning, yeaht aht was his only intention at first, he always had something interesting to talk about, well once they go to the point he let the boy rant next to him and actually listened.

Maybe now that he thought of it, maybe his passion for knowing so many different things, maybe it came from that boy.

Sure he had been curious as a kid already, but that urge to know even more, more than everyone else, he thought that was something the pipsqueak triggered.

And that bothersome attitude, he didn´t know when it even turned to a point he didn´t consider it as bothersome anymore.

Izaya´s smile dropped. Maybe if he had known sooner… if Shotaro had told him... maybe things wouldn´t have turned out this way…

Shizuo watched the raven carefully. For once he didn´t want to miss anything.

Izaya had stopped talking for a few seconds. It was obvious he was thinking about something.

However Shizuo didn´t fail to grasp how Izaya´s expression got more and more sad.

A sigh escaped the raven as a final sign, and he could see the eyes getting watery again-

"…he was really annoying." The flea whispered, almost violently rubbing at his eyes.

Softly the blond tugged at his wrist, and wiped his tears away softly.

…

"…. So you actually liked that kid, no?" Izaya paused and blinked, another tear dropping from his eyes.

"How perceptive.." he tried to smile. Shizuo sighed.

It´s obvious.

"He was a good kid… eventually he was… something like a younger brother for me…" he sniffed, a little smile trying to tug at his lips, but failed only turning his eypression sader. "I didn´t want him to know I cared once I noticed, he would have only made a huge fuss about it if I said I liked him." He smiled.

"Well I guess he figured it out anyway.. but…" he hiccupped. "I wished I could have told him…"

-PAST-

-Izaya´s point of view. In an alley not far from the school.-

That dumb-!

Quickly Izaya dashed over to the other side of the school.

"Oi oi, some guy is getting beaten up by highschoolers behind the school!"

"Some boy?"

"The new one-! He picked a fight with them-!"

"He is getting hit!"

"Someone should call the teachers!"

"Tch-" Izaya frowned, running faster.

That stupid pipsqueak!

He thought it was weird he hadn´t seen him today-

Tch now he knew.

Panting he stopped as he reached the other side of school-

He spotted a familiar form leaning onto the wall of school.

Shotaro-

"Pipsqeak-!" Izaya ran over to the guy. Lazily the boy in question looked up.

He looked exhausted, he had two large bruises on his face, as well as his arms and legs.

He wasn´t moving at all.

Izaya crouched down taking a look at them.

"Why did you pick a fight?! Idiot!" he yelled at the boy who just stared at him dumbfounded.

".. I had to .." he just answered, avoiding Izaya´s eyes.

"Huh?" Izaya stared back, dumbfounded and angry. "Why would you have to pick a fight with high scho-"

"They were talking bad about you. Saying weird stuff." The little kid interrupted, making Izaya pause.

Realization dawned on him.

…

"… weird stuff…?" he asked once more, watching the kids expression. Shotaro frowned.

"They said stuff… called you a devil´s kid… they said something about your father.." he mumbled, still avoiding Izaya´s glance.

The raven gritted his teeth.

He didn´t get it.

Why?

If they had to blame him, alright, he was used to it, he was used to that treatment.

He wa used ot his fathers anger.

But why did it have to hit Shiatro in this way?

"Don´t go picking fights for me!" he got up, angry, he knew why the kid had done that, he knew he just couldn´t stand the talk, but-

"This is none of your business, okay?!" he stated angry, tighting his fists.

"But-"

"No but, you could have gotten seriously injured!" It were high schoolers for fucks sake, he knew there were some pretty dangerous fellows at that school of theirs.

He had passed by there often enough to catch some scenes or talks that shouldn´t be spoken about.

If he had picked a fight with more dangerous ones he could have ended up badly hurt.

Agitated Izaya stared at the slowly purple turning bruises.

Why was he even butting in!?

Why didn´t he just let them talk!?

It´s not like he cared what they talked about behind his back.

"As if you would care." Izaya blinked confused for a second.

That idiot-

He cupped Shotaro´s face, making the pouting boy look at him.

"I do okay? So don´t get into fights for me understood?" Surpise replaced the huffing expression on Shotaro´s face.

It didn´t even take a second for Izaya to realize his mistake, before a smile spread over the kids face.

"You care." He grinned a little.

Izaya rolled his eyes.

"You are an annoying pipsqueak." He clarified, using the expression Shotaro hated the most. Causing the kid to frown and sigh again.

"Izaya you are a bully."

"Oi who allowed you to use only my first name?"

-PRESENT-

-Izaya´s point of view-

"No matter what I did then, he knew already I wouldn´t actually push him away." Izaya mumbled, closing his eyes tired for a moment.

His head was still pounding from how hard he was pushed against the wall, and the fear, subsided, yes, but he also kept thinking about what to do next.

Now that he calmed down, he saw it clealy, these two knew where they were and what they were doing.

they had to go somewhere…

…

After he told Shizuo everything.

…

Shizuo looked at Izaya. He seemed to be lost in thoughts.

One thing was really bothering him about this though.

Why demon child?

From what he heard so far Izaya didn´t seem like a child fitting that expression at all to be honest.

He had a feeling there was more to it than the raven told so far…

"…Izaya?" he attempted, calling the others name softly.

The raven sighed. First he had to tell him the truth.

"You know… Shotaro, he always tried to follow me home.. but I could´t let him go with me." He started. "You know, actually I think I lied a little to you."

The blond blinked confused.

".. about what?"

"I said he didn´t hurt me."

"Who?"

"My father."

-PAST-

-Shotaro´s point of view. On the way home from school.-

"No I am not taking you home with me." Of course he wouldn´t.

An annoyed frown started to form on his face.

"But-"

"NO." even the slightest protest got interrupted immediately- just as always!

"Why not?!" Shotaro didn´t understand it. They were friends, as much as Izaya denied it, he knew it was true.

Since the first day of school, where he just sat there, alone in the back of the class, he was determined to make friends with the raven.

Not it was winter and still, not even once had he been over at Izaya´s place.

Izaya told him his dad was just strict and didn´t allow visitors, but he didn´t believe it.

He wasn´t even allowed to accompany the raven until he was home!

It was weird!

He sighed, his breath turning into little visible puffs of air in the cold weather.

Snuggling back into his muffler he watched the raven quiet.

Izaya was always rather quiet.

He would let him talk, sometimes even throw in a sentence or two, but he never actually talked to him.

Well he liked using sarcasm on him a lot though.

That much he had noticed already.

"See you tomorrow pipsqueak."

"Ah, yeah."

Shotaro sighed and waved watching the raven as he went into the direction fo his home, while he had to take the other way.

There it was again.

That face.

He didn´t make a face like he was going home, he couldn´t really put a feeling on it, but it was just an unpleasant expression his friend had.

Almost like he didn´t want to go home.

-Izaya´s point of view. At home.-

"… I´m home." The raven mumbled cautious at first as he quietly stepped inside the house.

The clock in the hallway was ticking and no sound was heard at first.

The sudden call of his name was what startled the raven a little as he took his shoes off.

"Izaya, there you are!"

It was not a voice to be afraid of though.

Something akin to a smile spread over his face at the familiar figure stepping into the hallway.

"Grandpa, what are you doing here? I thought you would be gone today?" Izaya asked, taking off his coat and rubbing his upper arms.

Damn he was really freezing by now.

A gentle expression was placed on his face and he slowly approached his grandson.

"Well you see, I have something important to tell your father. So I will wait here until he comes home." He announced. "How was school?" he asked, but Izaya just shrugged.

"As usual." He took a step forward and passed his grandfather entering the living room.

The already arranged chessboard standing on the little mahagoni table was the first thing that caught his attention.

His grandfather didn´t cease to notice how the little raven´s eyes wandered to the mentioned object.

"I thought we might as well play a little until your father gets home, it won´t be too long, will it?" the raven smiled.

It was his grandpa who had taught him chess and to be honest even though he wasn´t that interested in knowing it first, he turned out ot love this game.

Especially since he almost always won. He grinned to himself already as he took a seat in front of the table.

But they didn´t get to play.

A sudden loud noise at the front door startled both of them.

"Izaayaaaaa…"

Izaya dropped the white pawn he just wanted to move and froze instantly.

Izaya´s father had come home.

But he hadn´t only come home.

Dread filled him and he made himself involuntarily smaller in his seat.

But… he only sounded that way when he got home late at night usually…

Startled he snapped his head around as his father entered the living room.

"Hey monster how was your day at school?" a grin was spread over his father´s face.

Izaya stood up from the seat and moved a little farther away from his father.

A glass bottle was in his hands again.

Alcohol.

"Shirou." Izaya´s father´s head snapped into the direction of the grandfather.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, hostility almost dripping like venom from his lips.

Izaya knew his father couldn´t stand his grandfather.

He knew it.

He had heard the quarrels and fights.

His grandpa´s face consorted into a disgusted expression.

Of course.. he didn´t know. He never told his grandfather anything.

"Shirou you are drunk." He stated getting up from his seat as well, and approached the man.

"I am not- now tell me what the hell you are doing in my apartment or I will kick you out!" he spat, leaning onto the door frame and took another gulp from his bottle.

"I have come to talk to you about Kyouko and the twins." His grandpa stated stated, his expression no longer near as kind as it was when he talked to Izaya.

The raven was just standing there, farther behind his grandpa and watched the scene.

He could feel his father´s eyes rest on him.

…

Disgust, hate, anger, he could see quite well what his father felt for him since he told his mum.

He could feel it every single day, not only from his eyes though.

He rubbed over his upper arm.

He knew the purple bruise that was hidden there since yesterday well. He also still remembered the others, aligning on his back and legs.

It was not the first he had gotten-

Of course.

For his father, he was the one to blame. Always.

"What about Kyouko? And why the hell is she sending you over instead of moving her sorry ass over here herself? HUH?! That fucking whore-!" he yelled angry, still not moving from the entrance.

His grandfather´s expression turned bitter.

"She is leaving Shirou. For once and for all."

…

What-

Izaya´s eyes widened and his head snapped to his grandfather, then back to his father.

What did he say?!

"She wants a divorce." His mum-

Izaya shivered and took a step back, his eyes only fixating on his dad now.

And the devil was staring right back at him.

"YOU." He yelled, stepping forward, Izaya stumbled backwards.

"THIS IS ONLY YOUR FAULT!" His grandfather moved in between and tried to calm his son down.

"Shirou! Please get ahold of yourself! You are drunk, you know you are the one-"

"THIS FUCKING BRAT DESTROYED EVERYTHING-!"

CRASH

And suddenly there was blood.

Terrified Izaya stared at the blood.

The blood on the floor.

It was coming from a head, his grandfather´s head.

"Urgh-"

He was laying on the floor bleeding-

"Grandpa….?"

"YOU-!" Startled Izaya jumped, only to catch a glimpse of his father approaching him.

He tried to move away, but-

"IT`S YOUR FAULT!"

A punch-

A fist hit him right into his face, sending him to the ground again, tears shooting into his eyes instantly.

"IF YOU HAD KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT-!"

Another one, on the left, Izaya tried to crawled away, but was held back.

"-IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BORN-!"

Izaya closed his eyes shivering,expecting another hit, but then-

His father got quiet.

Izaya opened his eyes again.

His grandfather had gotten a grip on him!

"TORAKICHI-"

"Izaya run!" Blood was dripping down from the side of his head.

Izaya blinked, he couldn´t stop staring at his grandfather´s panicking face.

He couldn´t stop taking in his father´s raging expression.

He couldn´t-

"Izaya! Run away!"

Tears gathered in his eyes and he hurried up from the floor, stumbling past the two of them he ran to the entrance, forgetting the coat, forgetting the shoes he just threw open the door and-

Shotaro.

His eyes went wide almost as wide as the pipsqueak one´s-

He looked horrified, by no mistake he could see the forming bruises already, he could see his father and grandpa at the end of the hall-

"IZAYA!" The terrifying yell of his father got him back to his sense and he grabbed the boy´s hand, dashing out of the house and away.

Shotaro didn´t ask anything, he didn´t say anthing, he just kept running.

Both of them did.

They ran as fast as they could.

As far as they could.

To make sure- the devil couldn´t find them.

Only when they were on the other side of the city, they stopped, both panting and leaning onto the wall of a small shop.

It had gotten pretty dark already.

Izaya was shivering from both, coldness and fear.

Shotaro squat down onto the floor, exhausted.

Izaya gasped for air himself.

"Out of breath already pipsqueak?" he asked, trying to get his mind of what just happened.

"Shut up." Shotaro panted, looking up at the raven.

Seems he wasn´t going to let him forget.

"Who was that man?"

Izaya paused a second.

He didn´t want the boy to know.

"My dad." He answered honestly.

"He hit you." Then he paused.

"He didn´t, I fel-"

"He hit you!" Izaya kept his mouth shut.

He could see it in Shotaro´s eyes.

..

He wasn´t going to believe him a lie.

"I heard it from outside.. everything." he continued, making Izaya startle.

He avoided his glance and looked away, now trembling more because of the cold than of the incident.

Shotaro got up from the ground and started taking off his jacket.

"I don´t nee-" Izaya tried to prostest, already knowing what the pipsqueak was doing but was cut off.

"Just take it!" the green-eyed boy replied, holding out his jacket.

Izaya went silent.

He looked at the ground.

He looked back at Shotaro, the jacket.

A sigh escaped his lips as he took it.

Shivering he put it on.

"… what happened?" Shorato asked, making the raven sigh.

"I accidentally told my mum about dad´s affair." He stated sitting down on the cold floor and pulled up his knees, resting his chin on them.

Shotaro blinked.

"You what?" Izaya inhaled deeply, closing his eyes.

Damn his face hurt..

"My mum and Dad always hated me. Said I was a demon child because I didn´t turn out as they wanted me to. I don´t even know what they wanted me to do, they just hate me anyway. But now… it´s worse…" Izaya mumbled, exhaling, watching the little puffs of air disappear into thin air.

"Because you told?" Izaya nodded.

"My mum gives me the fault. She says she would have been happy not knowing about it…. and my dad…" Izaya paused, shivering.

Ever since then he had started hitting him.

Sure he had always yelled and threatened him with a slap or something, but now…

Since 4 months now it was the same.

His father would go out.

Come home late.

And then it was his time to get punished.

"… you don´t have to tell." Shotaro suddenly mumbled, making Izaya realize he had stopped talking.

He sighed.

"He is hitting me often…" he spoke out aloud this time, making the boy snap his head to him.

...

Silence took over the scene for a minute.

"…you have to flee.."

Izaya blinked at the statement.

Heh..

Flee.

He hadn´t thought about that so far.

"Maybe…" he admitted, but smiled sadly at his little friend. "But where to?"

"I don´t know…" Shotaro´s expression turned gloomy.

"Haha thought so. There is no place to flee t-"

"The school!" Shotaro suddenly declared, his face liting up again.

"… the school?" Izaya tilted his head.

"There is an old clubroom, behind school, don´t you know it?" He asked, the raven just blinked confused.

"No-one is using it anymore, it´s already a little dusty, and it´s not even locked, I got shown around since I was new, and they told me no-one is going to use this room for the year. You could live there!" he explained.

Izaya looked dumbfounded at the pipsqueak.

This actually… sounded like a plan that could work.

He had no other option anyway.

He didn´t want to go back home, no way.

And about grandfather... he didn´t know.. he didn´t want to think what happened to him by now...

"You think that could work?" he asked. He would have to get some stuff from home first… maybe he should get it when his father was at work…

Suddenly he felt something brush through his hair.

Shotaro was the one doing it.

"It will work, for sure! I will help you! I will get you everything you need!" he stated, smiling again.

And Izaya didn´t know why, but… he kind of felt like smiling as well.

"Stop treating me like I am the smaller one here." He mumbled chuckling and shoved the hand away.

Not without earning huffing protest from his friend of course.

He smiled a little.

Maybe this could work.

\- PRESENT-

-Shizuo´s point of view.-

"The next day we got some clothes, money, my school stuff, everything I needed. My father wasn´t home, probably went to a bar at that time I didn´t know where he went to... I found out my grandfather was in hospital during that time.. I don´t even want to know what my father did."

… Izaya grew quiet. Waiting for a reaction.

".. you lied… you said he didn´t hurt you…" silence.

He guessed he said he didn´t yeah… Izaya sighed. It wasn´t that big of a deal though.

After that… he never saw his father again anyway.

"…fuck…"

Shizuo frowned, and gently wrapped his arms around the raven, just hugging him softly.

He didn´t think... no, he never thought the flea could have had a past like this.

But...

…

A second of silence filled the room. Neither said a word.

...

But Shizuo knew Izaya had yet to tell him everything...

He had to let this out-

"… Izaya… what happened then..?" he asked quiet, but the raven jumped at the question nonetheless.

His throat felt dry and hoarse as he inhaled deeply.

"… I saw something I shouldn´t have never seen… and…" he shivered.

"…met Hono."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> … DUN DUN DUUUNNN
> 
> Haha yes, I am stopping now xD Next chapter you will finally get to know what happened to Izaya and his friend~


	27. Day 1- Curiousity killed the cat

-PAST-

Day 1- Curiosity killed the cat

-Izaya´s child Point of view. The day after moving to the Clubroom. Classroom. Midday, school just ended.-

"Oi, Izaya!" startled, Izaya jumped in his seat.

"What-?" Shotaro was standing next to his desk and was staring at him.

"I called your name a hundred times." He mumbled. "School is over."

Izaya looked around surprised, the purple bruise on his face still there, even worse looking than yesterday. The class was already empty…

No teachers, no classmates, just the two of them.

He nodded quickly. "Ah, yeah, I know."

To be honest, he didn´t even notice.

Since yesterday he was kind of lost in thoughts a lot…

… he was scared…

The teacher asked where the bruise had come from right away when he entered the classroom a little later than usual.

Of course they didn´t tell where it was really from. As if he would tell the crocodile anything. They just said Izaya fell down somewhere.

This morning they got Izaya´s stuff from his house.

They had been incredibly anxious about it, Izaya more than Shotaro.

But they were lucky. His father was not at home anymore. In fact everything seemed fine on first sight. As if nothing had happened at all…

But then he spotted the bloodstains on the carpet in the living room.

…

Shotaro would never forget Izaya´s expression or the way he started shivering and kept looking around. He looked really scared.

He had never seen Izaya honestly scared.

Sure, he had seen him cocky or even angry, even laughing had he seen him, but scared? No. Not really.

They went up to Izaya´s room and got some clothes, food, blankets and pillows for the clubroom, as well as some money he had been hiding from his father and some other stuff.

Izaya sighed and laid his head down on top of his desk.

He didn´t know what to do...

He didn´t have to go home anymore…. for now..

And he was glad he didn´t have to anymore… but what did his father do to his grandfather when he was gone?

He had already hit him with that bottle of alcohol yesterday.

He had heard it crash- seen the crimson liquid drip down…

He was scared…

Why was there more blood on the carpet today morning, than yesterday? What happened to his grandfather?

What would happen to himself if his father found him?

"Are you okay?" Shotaro suddenly asked, snapping Izaya out of his thoughts yet again. He shook his head, trying to chase away the horrifying thoughts, and nodded softly.

"Okay enough so you don´t have to worry about me pipsqueak." He forced a smile and ruffled through his hair, causing the slightly younger classmate to frown.

"Oi, I am just 6 months younger than you." He complained with a huff.

"And smaller. A pipsqueak just like I said." He shrugged and got up from his seat, then blinked at Shotaro when he didn´t show any sign of leaving anytime soon.

"Uhm, you can go home you know." He said quiet, not getting why he was even waiting for him in the first place. It was not like he could go home with him like usual today.

The boy frowned.

"You think I am just going to go home?" the raven blinked surprised.

Well actually yes. He had thought so. He had helped him in the morning, and came late to class together with him already, he figured at least on his way home he would be punctual.

The boy grinned and grabbed Izaya´s bag from his hands.

"I already told my mum I would be going to a friend´s place today." He grinned. "I am not going to let you be there all alone by yourself the entire day."

The raven frowned a little, ready to say something like, he should go home instead and not bother him or just leave because it was not his business, or ask him if he really wanted to get dragged into this-

But….. somehow he fell silent.

A quiet nod was all he gave the little kid.

To be really honest… he was glad the boy had said that. He didn´t want to be alone.

It´s not like he was scared or something.

…

… okay scratch that- he was scared.

He was scared shitless. Just thinking about the possibility that his father could get him made him tremble in fear.

He didn´t know what to do at all.

He knew he could probably sleep in the clubroom without being seen.. and maybe even live there… for a while… but..

He was still scared.

His father was searching for him. He knew it.

He gave him the fault for everything that happened, and if he found him…

…

He didn´t want to imagine what would happen if he found him.

He didn´t want to be alone right now…

"Earth to Izayaaaa…" Izaya blinked and looked at the little boy who was waving his hand in front of his face.

"Are you going to stare some more holes into the air or are we going down to the clubroom?" He asked, trying to joke, but it seemed more like he was worried about the raven.

Izaya frowned.

Don´t worry about me…

"Go down of course." he answered and quickly took his bag back, stepping out of the classroom.

Seriously he shouldn´t be spacing out like that so often.

They went down the hall, Shotaro already starting to tell what else he had still hidden in his bag that he wanted to give Izaya and so on. Seems he had kept some more stuff he wanted to surprise Izaya with.

Izaya listened half heartedly, way too alerted to really pay attention.

Until- he heard a noise.

He stopped in his tracks.

Shotaro looked at him and tilted his head questioning.

"Izaya?" The raven looked around, listening closely.

"Shh, did you hear that?" he asked his eyes darting around anxious.

"Hear what?" Shotaro asked, looking around as well.

But the hallway they had stepped into was empty. It was way past school end too, so- Shotaro shrugged.

"You must have misheard. No-one is he-"

"I know you know where he is!"

Startled he shut up as he recognized the approaching voice.

"Sir, I regret to inform you that I haven´t seen him in school today!"

"Nonsense-!"

Without losing even a single second of time they turned on their heels, dashed into the closest classroom and quickly closed the door.

They made themselves as tiny as they could uder the window-

Just in time, because a second later, two people stepped into the hallway they had just been in.

The headteacher of Izaya and Shotaro, as well as-

"I know he is here!"

"Sir-!"

"..he is searching for me…" Izaya mumbled shocked and made himself even tinier.

-Izaya´s father.

Furious the man threw open various classes door´s and looked into them while yelling at the teacher that followed him rather lost. Izaya´s and Shotaro´s headteacher.

"I know he was here! If not, the school would have had to inform me right?!" he just spat before slamming the door of another classroom open.

Of course they were all empty already.

Izayas eyes widened in fear.

He knew it-!

He fucking knew it-!

If he found them- if he found them he would-

"Sir-" the headteacher repeated once more in a firm voice. "All students have left the school already, and your son has not been attending classes today." She said firm making Shotaro blink in surprise.

Had not been here?

He had been here the entire day.

She had seen him right away in the first class after all and asked him about his blue ey-

Wait-

… was she intentionally lying?

"And I say he was here!" Another door got slammed open making both of them flinch.

Dread filled them and they looked at each other in shock.

If Izaya´s father continued like that he would eventually throw open the door to the class they were currently hiding in-!

"Sir, I would kindly ask you to stop mistreating property and leave the school." The headteacher announced, but the man didn´t even seem to care and just continued slamming door after door open.

"I know he is here!" he came closer-

"Sir!" Another door-

"Are you hiding from me, huh?! Izaya?!"

Izaya shivered uncontrollably.

No

No

No

"…go away.." he mumbled quiet, too quiet for anyone to hear-

And suddenly he was at their door-

The boys froze-

His grip on the doorknob tightened and-

"SIR!"

A loud yell was heard from the before rather calm and collected teacher.

Izaya and Shotaro flinched, sitting on the floor next to the door they listened anxiously.

Izaya´s father had already taken a tight grip on the door knob.

Their door´s knob-

If he slammed this one open now-

"If you do not leave the building instantly I will not refrain from calling the police!" the headteacher started, obviously very angry by now.

Both held their breath.

Izaya swallowed quietly.

His hand just rested there.

A few torturing slow seconds passed, both of them waiting for the man to slam the door open after all and find them.

Find them and take him home again.

He didn´t want to go home-

He didn´t-

"….Tch… fine."

Surprised Izaya´s eyes widened.

The doorknob was let go of.

"A wise decision." The crocodile could be heard.

"Yeah yeah." And his obviously annoyed father.

"Now if you would kindly leave." She requested, pointing down the hallway.

"Tch-" the father growled displeased and slowly made his way down the hall, believing that his son really wasn´t here.

Izaya and Shotaro meanwhile were still holding their breath.

Both´s hearts were beating at a definitely accelerated speed.

Quiet, not saying a single word, they waited, waited until they heard the father´s footsteps get away from them.

"I will remember this-!"

"Please just leave sir."

Waited until they couldn´t hear them talk anymore.

Only when they reached the stairs did the boys dare to move.

And then they ran-

They ran as fast as they could-

To the other side of the hall-

Down the stairs-

To the back of the school, and away from it-

Only when they reached the clubroom and slammed the door shut, they stopped.

Panting they looked at each other.

Shotaro was out of breath, but it didn't stop him from laughing relieved.

"Damn that was scary-" he panted. "But… we got away!"

Izaya blinked, not getting how he could laugh.

He could still feel his heart pound madly in his chest.

He had been so scared- what if he had opened the door and found them?!

But the more he listened to Shotaro´s relieved laughter, the more he calmed down.

He started chuckling slightly himself.

He was right.

"Yeah, we got away-" he smiled slightly.

They got away from his father.

They got away!

And the headteacher-

"Think she knows it? Or at least guessed it?" Shotaro suddenly asked, literally speaking Izaya´s thoughts.

He shrugged and let himself slide down the closed door.

"I don´t know… but she lied to him, didn´t she? She must have figured something out." He concluded.

Shotaro nodded, sitting down next to the raven and tilted his head thinking.

"… how about telling the headteacher?" he suddenly asked, making Izaya blink at him surprised.

"Telling her?" That crocodile?

"Of course. She might be able to do something. She is our teacher after all. Your father isn´t allowed to hit you." Izaya, however, frowned.

"No way." He wouldn´t tell her.

"Eh? Why not?" Izaya frowned and got up.

"Because I don't want to. She would just ask funny questions… and besides, even if she knew. What would happen? They would take me away from home. My mom doesn´t want me, my dad hates me. I would end up being free for adoption or something and end up in yet another screwed up family." He answered.

Well, not that he knew much. But it went like that, didn´t it?

At least he thought it would end that way.

Shotaro sighed. "Damn.. that doesn´t sound good either…" he mumbled. He didn´t have a clue about these kind of things. "But you have to tell someone…"

"No." Shotaro sighed.

Stubborn…

He knew he couldn´t get Izaya to change his mind this way…

"…let´s think about that later then." He suddenly announced and pulled over his schoolbag and opened it. Izaya watched him fascinated when he pulled out bandaids and oinment. Shotaro noticed his stare.

"You still have all those bruises, right?" Izaya blinked.

Bruises- plural?

"I never said I got more than one." He mumbled, a little surprised.

"You said he hit you often, no?"

Hmmm

Izaya sat down onto the self made bed out of blankets.

"Yeah you are right. Pretty smart pipsqueak." Shotaro showed him his tongue huffing and moved over next to him.

"I got these from my mum. Well, or better she used them on me when I have bruises and stuff so I borrowed them from our medical cupboard." He snickered.

Izaya looked at the boy. Seriously he didn´t get it.

Why was he doing all this for him?

He watched him when he softly started rubbing some of the cool ointment on his face.

Really now…

How did he deserve someone this kind?

He wanted to complain at first. Wanted to say that he didn´t need anyone to look after him.

He hadn´t had anyone look after him in years, he could take care of himself.

But when he watched the kid treat him that way he just couldn´t tell him to leave.

So he stayed quiet and let him do as he pleased.

"Not going to complain?" Shotaro suddenly asked, while treating yet another dark purple bruise, this time on Izaya´s back. But Izaya just shook his head.

"No. I don't´mind." He mumbled and closed his eyes.

If he had to say it, he actually enjoyed the boy´s treatment. It was pleasant.

But then his ears caught some noise and he looked up.

"Did you hear that?" Izaya asked. This time Shotaro nodded as well.

They got up from the floor and went over to the door, opening it slightly to glance out of it.

"Highschoolers." Izaya mumbled when he spotted the source of the noises.

Three boys were strolling around the empty campus. They were probably around 16 or 17 years old. One was a little fatter than the other two.

They looked like normal highschoolers…

Izaya had seen people like that wander around often. They would come once school ended.

The most dangerous ones usually appeared here at night.

He bet Shotaro´s bullies from that one time had been some of this sort.

But these three guys…

Somehow something seemed off about them.

Izaya opened the door a little more, wanting to keep watching them as they moved on.

"Oi Izaya." Shotaro complained. "They are going to find us." He hissed making Izaya withdraw again quickly.

"Ah, Sorry."

Something was off. Usually guys like these would be laughing or talking or even drinking.

But these three guys had more looked like they were searching for something…

They were tense. No not tense…

The looked… dangerous…?

He didn´t know how to say it, looking at them gave him the same feeling his father did when he was in a bad mood.

Why?

"Let´s get inside again." Shotaro suddenly mumbled and Izaya moved away so he could close the door. "Do you know them?" he suddenly asked, making Izaya blink in surprise.

"No I don´t, why are you asking?" he shuffeled back to his spot on the bed and shoved up his shirt again. Shotaro wasn´t able to put a patch on the bruise on his back before.

"Just seemed that way. Why were you watching them so closely?" He sat down next to him, getting one of the white badges.

"Hmmm no reason." Softly Shotaro applied the bandaid, but Izaya flinched nonetheless, making the little kid freeze.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"No, it´s fine." Izaya mumbled. The bruise was from the day before yesterday. It still hurt pretty bad, it wasn´t even Shotaro´s fault that he flinched.

It was his father´s fault for hitting him in the first place.

"Did he always hit you that bad?" Surprised by the question, Izaya turned around. Shotaro looked at him concerned.

…

Izaya sighed. He had kind of dragged Shotaro into his mess, now he had to at least tell him...

He cleared his throat.

"… earlier he didn´t beat me so much. He used to ignore me most of the time as if I weren´t there. Just like my mum. Only when I raised my voice or something I would get hit."

"When you raised your voice?" Izaya nodded.

"Father sometimes brought clients home with him. When I happened to be near I used to listen in on them. Just because I was curious. But I hated the way he talked about me there, or better did not talk about me at all-"

-further back in past. 6 months before. Izaya´s point of view. At home.-

Izaya was just at home. His father had brought home a client again. A pretty old man who had a long beard and looked rather stern. Izaya was sitting in the same room.

Why? Well he was doing homework.

But his father… he just couldn´t shut up again-

"That´s me and my beautiful little children." His father smiled while showing his client a picture of the family.

A family picture without Izaya in it of course.

He did it again.

Frowning Izaya tried to just ignore the talk and concentrated on his assignments.

"I couldn´t be blessed more." His father smiled as they talked on, causing the raven to cringe.

Unfair.

The two perfect little twins of course- tch

They had shifted from business talk to drinking a few cups of sake and talk about more non-work related topics.

As usual.

And he- Izaya- was not included at all.

Of damn fucking course-

He was never included, he was always treated like he didn´t exist. His father would never mention him.

He even ignored him when he talked to him.

Always-!

"A wonderful family you have." The old man commented, making Izaya grit his teeth in annoyance.

"Oh yeah, let´s just forget about the demon son-" he mumbled frustrated.

A second too late he realized that the client as well as his dad had actually heard him. A glare was instantly sent at the raven for the comment.

"The what?" the old man asked, looking at the young raven. "I have been wondering for a while now, who is that boy?" His father scowled at him.

"He is just the neighbour´s son, a lousy brat, but we are taking care of him until-"

That´s it-

Angry Izaya got up-

"Stop denying my existance god damnit!" Izaya yelled at his father and ran upstairs, only to disappeared into his room, slamming the door shut.

Unfair- so freaking unfair-!

Why?!

Why did he deserve this?!

He was their child too, wasn´t he?! He was their child just as Mairu and Kururi were! So why?!

Why?!

What did he do to deserve this?!

He slumped down on to bed and punched his pillow angry.

Frustrated.

Was it because he was a boy?! Was it because he did something wrong?!

It didn´t make any sense!

He always got good grades! He excelled at everything!

What was it?!

Why did they choose to ignore him?!

Why did his parents hate him that much?!

Why?!

He hiccupped.

Oh no.

Violently he rubbed at his eyes, trying to wipe off the useless tears that filled his eyes.

He was not going to cry.

He slumped down on the bed. His room filled with darkness sicne he had´t bothered to turn on a light.

No.

He wouldn´t cry.

He swore he wouldn´t anymore…

Not because of his father or mother. Not because of his words and not because he knew it would never change-

No he wouldn´t-

He-

"Iza-nii…"

Startled Izaya turned around. His little sister Kururi was standing in the doorframe of his room.

Quickly he rubbed away a salty tear, that had ran down his cheek.

His sister moved over. He could feel the bed shift and knew she was siting next to him.

"… Kururi, you are not supposed to call me that. You know father will get mad at you..." He mumbled with a throathy voice, and ruffled through her hair with a pained expression.

They were not even allowed to call him their big brother…

"Father. Mad. Hit." Izaya flinched.

Shit

Right-

"You shouldn´t have said anything Iza-nii…" Another voice suddenly whispered.

Of course.

It wasn´t like those two were apart for a second. Mairu walked into the room as well and closed the door quietly, turning it dark again.

He could feel the bed give away under the weigh again, and suddenly there were arms around his waist.

His eyes softened and he pet his little sister in a comforting manner.

"I know." It was unfair…

"You are stupid." Why did this family have to be this messed up…?

"I know." He didn´t want the two to be sad because of him…

Suddenly they heard some noise.

Voices were heard, and the frontdoor was closed shut.

Anxious Izaya got up and shuffled the sisters out of the room.

"Iza-n-" Kururi sniffed.

"Shh! Quiet-!" he shoved the two outside of his room, onto the tiny hallway.

"He is going to hurt you again…" Mairu mumbled sadly, hugging her brother once more.

Anxious Izaya glanced down the stairs. He would be there any second. If he saw the siblings had come to him he would...

"I will be fine." He whispered in a hurry, and kissed her forehead comforting. "Now go before he comes upstairs."

"But-"

"Go!"

And then he saw him-

Just as he watched his sisters disappear into their room he noticed some movemnet down the stairs.

He was coming.

"You!" at least the twins were gone. Izaya glared at his approaching and fuming father as he reached the top of the stairs.

Intimidating he hovered over the little raven. He gathered all his courage and spoke.

"Oh wow, no ignoring? You sure you are talking to m-"

Izaya didn´t get to finish his sentence as a fist connected with his face- hard, sending him to the floor.

"You think you can talk like that to me?! Huh?!"

Again-

He tried to get up, wiping over his bleeding lip.

"You think you can ignore me like that?!" Izaya spat back, word dripping like venom from his lips. He didn´t even care what his father would do to him.

Bad choice.

His father heaved him up by the collar and threw him back into his room, slamming the door shut.

Raging he approached the little child and cracked his knuckles-

"Just you wait, I will show you where your place is-!"

And suddenly Izaya regretted talking back at all-

-Present. Izaya´s point of view. In the clubroom.-

"… he used to beat me up a little when I said something that he didn´t like, or talked at all… at least mum left with the twins when I told her about Dad´s affair. I never wanted them to see that, or to be worried… but… once they were gone… he started coming home late almost everyday…"

He pulled his knees closer and rested his head on them.

"I realized then, that he actually had held back when he beat me up before. It got worse and worse everyday..." Shotaro frowned.

"You have to tell someone." Shotaro mumbled but Izaya laughed.

"Tell someone, huh? Told you before that´s not a good idea."

"But Izaya! He might even kill you the next time he sees you!"

That shut Izaya up.

Heh…

He might as well do that.

"I will tell mum-" Shotaro suddenly announced, making Izaya´s eyes widen in surprise.

"Wait what?" He asked, but Shotaro had already gotten up and opened the door.

"Your father is dangerous, you have to tell someone! And if you don´t want to , then I will tell my mum, we could keep you at home with us or something. He won´t find you there, she will look after you, I´m sure."

Izaya frowned.

As if…

"She wouldn´t believe you." He announced frowning.

"She will! She just needs to see your bruises and she will." He stated and walked out of the door. Quickly Izaya got up.

"Oi wait, pipsqueak-!" he ran out too.

Would he really tell his mum?

What if she believed it? Would she help him?

He didn´t even know her-

He was just about to call out for his classmate again, whe he realized he had stopped in front of the door.

Izaya barely managed to halt without running into him. "Shotaro?" he asked. The boy was standing there like frozen.

Slowly he pointed over to the school fence.

Izaya´s eyes widened.

The three highschoolers.

They were here again.

They hadn´t spot them yet, but-

…

What were they carrying?

They were walking- one after the other, carrying something long and heavy wrapped up in a blanket.

They had… red hands.

Red?

… what was that...?

Izaya stepped forward when they disappeared around the corner, only to be held back by Shotaro´s hand.

"Where are you going?" he asked whispering.

"Just a second-" he whispered back and started walking towards the corner they disappeard behind.

What was that?

"Izaya-! That´s a bad idea-!" Shotaro called as quiet as possible and followed the raven.

But Izaya was stubborn. What was that?

He reached the corner and looked around it-

Only to stumble back in shock.

The three boys were still there-

The blanket had fallen off.

There was a hole in the school´s ground.. and next to it-

A woman.

A dead woman-

Izaya couldn´t tear his stare away from the lifeless eyes that stared back at him.

A huge injury claffing from her head, her brains leaking out on the side-

That woman was dead.

They were carrying her around- why?!

Did they kill her?!

Suddenly he started to panic, he wanted ot get away right away again-

Then Shotaro was next to him. He looked at Izaya, and then- at the scene of front of them-

The obvious scene.

Those three- were getting rid of a corpse.

Only now Izaya realized they had shovels in their hands.

Only now-

And then one of them stared back.

Blue eye´s met red ones and made a shiver run down Izaya´s spine-

And suddenly he wished he had never gotten out of the clubroom-

"RUN-!"

He grabbed Shotaro´s hand-

The other two turned around, the blue eyed sprinted after them-

They ran, they ran towards the school gate-

They had to get away-

He was following-

Get away-!

He was catching up!

Awa-

*BAM*

And suddenly they were on the ground.

Something heavy pressing them both down into the dirty ground.

"Wait there little kiddies- you can´t just get away like this now, can you~?" he grinned crazy, lifted the shovel he had held in his hand and suddenly everything faded to black...

.

.

.

Article 1 of the United Nations Convention Against Torture and other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment (UNCAT):

"... 'torture' means any act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person for such purposes as obtaining from him or a third person information or a confession, punishing him for an act he or a third person has committed, or intimidating him or a third person..."

-Izaya´s point of view. A few hours later. In the clubroom.-

"Oh my~! Look, the little princess woke up~!"

… what?

Confused Izaya looked around.

His sight was a little blurry.

What was going on?

Where was he?

"Izaya…" He turned his head towards the voice.

"..Shotaro?" he blinked, trying to clear his sight.

Fuck, his head hurt like crazy-

What happened?

"I think the princess is still half asleep-" he suddenly heard someone say.

Who did that voice belong to…? It wasn´t familiar.

"Let´s wake him up then~"

*BAM*

"Ah-!" suddenly something heavy collided with his back- what?! Did he hit him?!

What did he hit him with?

He rubbed at his eyes, finally clearing his sight and looked around.

Shocked he stared in front of him.

He was in the clubroom.

On the floor.

And opposite to him, there were three guys.

Three guys-

Those three guys.

He quickly got up and turned around, planning to run away, only to be hold back by the collar of his shirt-

"Oi, oi look at that, the little princess wants to flee~"

He turned around. The blue eyed guy was sitting on the self made bed, and grinned evil, while the fatter one was sitting next to him.

He tried to kick the third guy who was still holding him back, but instead of actually succeeding, he suddenly felt pain in his stomach as he himself got hit instead.

He slumped to the floor, coughing.

"Izaya…" his eyes widened- and his head snapped around.

"Shotaro-!" There he was, his little friend, next to him on the floor. Laying down.

He had bruises on his face and he was bleeding on his upper arm.

"Shotaro are you okay?!" Izaya asked concerned crawling towards his friend quickly. He nodded faintly and tried to sit up.

"My my~ what are we going to do now with you~?" they froze and looked at the bue eyed guy. A grin spread over his face and he pulled out a knife.

"Sadly I think we have to kill you now as well~" Izaya´s eyes widened-

No way- his eyes darted to Shotaro who looked at his predators terrified-

"No, no please don´t- don´t-!" he begged, tears in his eyes.

"Awww how cute~! He is begging for his life~!" the blue eyed guy spoke. "I like that~" he laughed twisted.

The fat guy snickered quietly and suddenly he leaned towards the blue eyed one, whispering into his ear.

"Oh-" the guy nodded. "My, my~ Michiru, you always have the best ideas~!" the blue eyed suddenly laughed. "Ne, Kawashi, how about we…. Play~ With the two beforehand~?"

Izaya couldn´st stop the trembles that uncontrollably started shaking his body.

"P-play…?" he repeated. Shotaro crawled closer to the raven.

"Izaya.. I´m scared.." he whispered, his hands were shivering as well. Izaya gulped.

What… what did they plan on doing to them…?

"Michiru." The blue eyed suddenly announced. Suddenly he pulled a lighter out of his pocket and threw it over to the other guy.

Kawashi whistled as he caught the little thing. "Ohh that looks nice!" the blue eyed just grinned.

"Give those boys the facts~" the fat guy nodded and stood up from his seat.

"A person will suffer second and third degree burns when exposed a few seconds to 140°F heat. The flame from a cigarette lighter can reach more than 1000 ºF. The victim will endure fourth degree burns that go down to their muscle and bone."

Izaya´s eyes widened-

What-

Why did he tell them that-

Why-?

"Oh, well done Michiru~ let´s take the smaller boy first~" Izaya´s eyes widened. He could feel Shotaro starting to shiver really bad and tugged him closer.

His own body trembling like a leaf.

No way-

They couldn´t seriously-

But the grin on the blue eyed´s face just grew wider and wider, and Izaya realized-

NO.

It´s not that they couldn´t- they would-

"Let the show begin~"

"NO-!" they pulled Shotaro away from his grip, and kicked him into the face-

He tried to get him back, but the fat guy held him down-

Shotaro cried-

"Izaya-!"

And the lighter got turned on-

"Izaya help me-!" And then they started-

"AHH-!" he screamed, he yelled-

The flesh on his skin started to burn-

A sickening smell filled the air-

"STOP IT!" Izaya yelled, he yelled and yelled again and again-

But they didn´t stop- NO-one heard-

No-one was at school-

No-one was living next to it to hear-

To hear the screams-

"Ahahahaahha~! Ohhh this is the best~!"

No-one could help them-

Tears sprang to his eyes.

It felt like they took ages-

Shotaro just wouldn´t stop screaming-

But finally, finally they stopped.

He was still forced to the ground, but now the fat guy finally got off him-

He ran over to Shotaro, who they had just dropped to the floor like some used toy-

The little boy sobbed, he couldn´t even say anthing-

The blue eyed guy laughed. Scared Izaya wiped around-

Would he be next?!

But the blue eyed guy had gotten the shovels together and stood in front of the door, more looking like he was about to leave instead of stay.

He grinned and bowed to them-

"Let me introduce," he pointed to the fat guy on his left. "This is Michiru,", then the right, "Kawashi, and I~", he pointed at himself, "Am Honosuke~ friends just call me Hono~"

Shotaro hiccupped, making Izaya look at him. "Shotaro-!"

But suddenly he got hit and forced around-

The blue eyed snickered madly, while he grabbed Izaya´s chin, making the raven look at him-

"Nene, listen little boy~ We~ Will make your lifes living hell~"

Then he let go and stepped out of the door. "See you tomorrow cuties~!" he laughed and Kawashi closed the door-

Izaya dashed over and tried to open it, but no chance-

It was locked.

Where the hell did they get the key from?!

How, how…?!

"…Izaya.."

Izaya paused and turned around.

"Shotaro are you alright?!" he asked as he kneeled down next to him.

His arm.. it was …

He squeezed his eyes shut-

It looked horrible… The skin was burnt… he could… he could see .. something whit-

He had to turn his face away.

Shit.

He is hurt.

Shit

Shit shit

"Shit!" he swore and crawled over to Shotaro´s bag. They had left it there. Quickly he emptied it, hoping the little boy had brought more with him than just the ointment-

And really! Seems he had just gotten everything he could get.

"Izaya..." Shotaro mumbled again, the tears drying on his face.

"Don´t worry, I will help you-! You brought more stuff, I will treat it, I will-"

"I´m scared…" Izaya paused and looked back at his friend. New tears had sprang to his face.

"Will they come back…?" he sobbed, wiping at his eyes. It broke Izaya´s heart, and made him scared as well-

They would… they would.. they said so…

"…me too.." he hiccupped, suddenly getting teary eyed also-

He crawled over and hugged the boy like he did with his sisters when they were scared of monsters at night.

Just that these… were real…

"We will get out." He sniffed. "We will get out somehow, before they come back, okay? Somehow we will. Okay?" he tried to comfort his friend.

"I will protect you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of day 1
> 
> Yeaaaahhh and I think now it´s starting to get obvious, whyyyy it´s 5 day chapters ~
> 
> Poor Izzyyy X3
> 
> Hope you don´t think this is too exaggerated or something xD But this is what I had in mind the whole time, so yup~
> 
> There you have it xDDD
> 
> I would love to hear your thoughts about this kind of past Cx and especially about Shotaro x3


	28. Day 2- Let´s play~

\- child Izaya´s point of view. Morning, in the clubroom.-

It was bright-

Slowly Izaya opened his eyes, his lips surpressing a yawn as he woke up.

Where-?

Sleepy he looked around, trying to figure out where he was right now again, when he noticed something moving within his reach. It was his brown haired little friend Shotaro-

Suddenly his eyes widened, and he remembered just what had happen the night before.

Quickly he got up from his position, he had been laying on the ground next to the pipsqueak, and rushed back to the door.

Agitated he pulled and twisted at the door handle, but no chance. The door wouldn´t budge.

They seriously locked it yesterday… Right… he already checked, didn´t he? He checked as soon as they left, and so of course, now it wouldn´t be any better…

Disappointed he turned his back to the door and let himself slowly slump down in front of it.

... they had to get out of here… those guys… they would return wouldn´t they?

A shiver ruptured through his body as he remembered those guys, and more importantly, what they did, and what they said what they would do to Shotaro and him…

Of course they would.. he could still remember it, how that blue eyed guy said that he would "play" with them again tomorrow.

He gulped and hasty glanced at a watch he was wearing around his left wrist.

His eyes widened and he grabbed his hair frustrated.

It was already 1 pm-!

And there he had hoped that maybe if they called for help someone would hear them! … but not after 1 pm… no way, all the students and teachers had left by that time already usually. There was no-one left in this school that could even hear them…

No-one lived even close who would be able to notice…

He stood up and looked around, his eyes darted to every spot of the clubhouse.

There was this window up ahead, but it was way too far to reach, and closed even. There wasn´t even anything in here that he could throw at it to break it and get out! The only thing that was here and maybe heavy enough to throw at it and break it, were the books in the bookshelf.. but..

No way..

He glanced back at them, they were just too small, no fat dictionaries, just tiny little booklets and scripts for the teatre club…

The door was locked. There was no secret way out or something… just how were they supposed to escape?!

They had to escape!

If they didn´t escape…

He sunk down again and hugged his knees.

Terrified he remembered what they had done to Shotaro yesterday, how he had screaming, how much it must have hurt.. they would do the same to him wouldn´t they? Or maybe they would even do something worse?!

He didn't know those guys.. but one of them must have killed that woman.. they were insane!

They even checked out the school ground before coming here to burry her- that he was sure of now.

That´s why they had looked so strange, he knew something was off when he first saw them.

Was that woman already dead at that time? Or did they even plan on killing her?

They said they would kill them too, right? After playing…

Izaya shivered involuntarily and hid his face in his kees.

How did he deserve this…?

First his father.. and now…

Suddenly he heard something rustle next to him. Startled his head snapped up and he searched where the noise had come from. More than relieved he realized that it was just Shotaro who was slowly waking up.

Guilt filled his eyes as he looked at the pipsqueak. He had treated his wound yesterday, but.. it was only his fault he got hurt and that they even were locked in here now anyway, wasn´t it…? It was his fault alone he got hurt so much in the first place…

Lazily the boy got up and rubbed at his eyes sleepily. "…Izaya?" he mumbled, still half asleep. The raven nodded, and crawled closer to his friend. He had to keep calm.

He was terrified as fuck, but scaring Shotaro more wouldn´t get them out either.

He had already been so horryfied the day before.. he didn´t want that..

"Are you okay…?" he asked. The boy paused for a second, his eyes widening a bit as he remembered what had happened as well.

His frowned a litte and looked at his arm, softly brushing over the bandaid over it. He flinched slightly at the touch, making Izaya look away guilty.

All his fault..-

Always, really always people got hurt because of him.. be it his sisters, his mum or Shotaro.

All had gotten hit and abused, just because they were close to him or liked him in any way…

"Burns just a little.." Shotaro mumbled, noticing that the raven had fallen silent. Izaya´s fists tightened.

Just a litte-

"I´m sorry.." he chocked out. The brown haired looked up at him, and his expression turned almost pained. He didn´t want to make Izaya sad.

"It´s no big deal." He repeated, trying to calm Izaya. But the raven just frowned and looked to the ground.

"It is a big deal." He said in a serious voice. "You are only hurt because of me..." he added silent, but Shotaro shook his head energetically.

"No, it´s not your fault Izaya. Stop saying that okay? There was no reason for me to follow you or even be here with you, right?" he tried reasoning. After all, it really wasn´t his fault. If he had just run home and told his mum about Izaya like he said he would and not followed him when he watched the three guys nothing would have happened at all.

"But still, if I just hadn´t gone over there-" Izaya tried again-

"I said no-!" Shotaro interrupted him loudly, making Izaya´s head snap up to look at him.

"It was my idea to move into the clubouse in the first place, so its not your fault, Izaya. Stop blaming yourself already." Izaya remained silent.

Shotaro knew that Izaya wasn´t going to believe him, and Izaya knew that Shotaro wasn´t going to drop the topic any time soon.

A minute of silence filled the air and neither said a word.

Only after a short while Shotaro sighed and got up. He brushed through Izaya´s hair, making the raven cringe, but he didn´t complain or swat his hand away.

Yet, he just didn´t understand.

How?

How could he still treat him this way? How? When his arm looked now… like this…

He didn´t believe it when the pipsqueak said his wound only burnt. No way.. He had seen it yesterday, and that white thing he had seen in between the burnt flesh…

He was almost sure that had been a bit of his bone.. it had to hurt a fucking great deal..

"How about we think about how we get out of here first, hm?" Shotaro suddenly asked, putting on the best smile he could.

Izaya lowered his head, shaking it slowly.

"I already thought about a way to escape.. but.. it´s just not possible." He mumbled quiet.

"Well, I don't believe it´s impossible." Shotaro just declared, ignoring what the raven had said and looked around himself.

"But the window is too high, the books to light, the door locked, and no one is here to hear us calling for help since it´s after school hours…" Izaya faded out. Shotaro sighed.

"Izaya, you give up too fast."

"You got any idea then…?" Izaya mumbled, getting up from his seat. Shotaro shook his head and shrugged, "No, but I ain´t giving up yet either. How about the door, can´t we break it open by force or something?" Izaya turned around, looking at the wooden door.

It wasn´t exactly what he would call a door that they could break open easily.

"I don´t think we can-" suddenly Izaya´s eyes widened and he stopped talking midsentence-

Fast as lightning he turned on his heels and stumbled back to his schoolbag- it was still here from yesterday, the guys hadn´t taken it away-!

He heaved it up and turned it around, making the insides fall out clattering to the floor. Quickly he rummaged through the contents.

Shotaro watched him curious.

"What are you searching for?" he asked, crouching down beside him.

"Something we can get out with. Ah-!" suddenly he grinned, and held out his had.

"This! Maybe this will get us out!" , he declared, holding up a scissor from his school bag.

"A scissor..? ..oh- you think you can pick the lock?!" Shotaro asked his expression lighting up. Izaya shrugged.

"I don´t know, I never tried, but its worth a try!", he announced, quickly shuffeling over to the door.

It was a simple lock, none of those that used a riled key to open, but an old one. Theoretically it should be easy to unlock. Well hypothetically, but to be completely honest, he wasn't so sure he could pick the lock at all.

He had never done this before, he didn´t even know what to do.

He inserted the metal part of the scissor and twisted it around. Trying to hit something that would maybe open the door.

He had no clue how to go about this.

Twisting, stabbing, dragging out the scissor and inserting it into the lock again, he sat there for a few minutes, trying to get this damned thing to open.

But no- of course whatever he needed to click to open it, he didn´t hit it. Frustrated he pulled the scissor out again after a few more minutes and stared at it frowning.

"It´s not working.. right?" Shotaro asked. Izaya shook his head slowly.

"Have you ever picked a lock?" the raven asked the brown haired boy in return, but he shook his head in denial as well.

"No. I don´t know how to do it either.. sorry." Izaya sighed and got on his knees again, inserting the blade into the lock.

He twisted it and churned it around, hoping, that maybe he would be lucky. He knew that once he hit the right part the door would fall open, the question was just how long it would take…

It was already 2:48pm… he didn´t know when those three guys would return…

He sighed and pulled the scissor out again. He laid it down on the floor and stepped on the metal part, while grabbing the plastic part of it with his hands and pulled, trying to bend it in a certain way.

Maybe if the tip was a little bent he could do it.

He crouched down in front of the lock once more. The pipsqueak had fallen silent behind him, just watching, and hoping that this would work.

Gently he inserted the tip again, twisting and dragging it around, but still it didn´t work.

"Tch-" he pulled the thing out again, angry and leaned closer, locking through the lock.

Maybe he would see just where he had to hit with his scissor. But everything in there looked like a mystery to him.

"Tch, this damn-" suddenly he paused.

He was still looking through the lock, but that´s not what had made him pause. It was what he had seen beneath that lock-

"There is someone-!" He suddenly almost yelled, making Shotaro, who was just watching the raven until now jump in his skin.

"What?" he asked, his eyes widening in fear. A quilty expression crossed Izaya´s face and he shook his head quickly.

"No not the guys. Someone else-! Someone who could get us out! HELP-" he started yelling and hammered against the door with his fists.

Whoever that was who was walking out there, he could help them-! He would get them out-!

"Oi! Please help us, we are locked in here-!"Izaya yelled louder, begging for that person, to please, please hear them. He bent down quickly and spyed through the lock, trying to make out if the person had heard them or went away.

He almost wanted to cry when he spotted no one there, but suddenly there was a shadow in front of the door-!

The figure moved towards them-!

"He saw us! We will get out of here Shotaro!" Izaya exclaimed happily. Izaya stepped back when the door handle moved.

"We are locked in here! Please help us!" he explained through the door, but the handle only got pulled rougher.

Izaya was just wondering if that person tried to break the door open, when suddenly he heard a loud thud against the door.

Quickly he stepped away, that person was really going to break the door open?!

He hadn´t expected that. He had thought he would get the key from the cleaner in their school, or inform the teachers. Well not that he would care. Again there was the loud thud, once, twice, trice, he bet that person was using their wole weight to slam against it.

And really-! Suddenly the door flew open and the raven stumbled back surprised. But he didn´t care, quickly he got up from the floor, a smile plastered on his face.

"Thank you so much-! We were locked in here, by three boys, they said they would come back and-"

"Izaya-" And suddenly his smile fell.

NO-

NO way-

He couldn´t believe his eyes. He couldn´t believe it.

"No…" A silent whisper fell from his lips. This was a nightmare, it couldn´t be anything else-

Please don´t let this be true-

That person- that had just crashed open this door-

Was his dad.

Shotaro´s expression had fallen as well. Grinning the man stood in the doorway, staring at the two children.

"So that´s where you hid, Izaya~" he grinned and stepped alarmingly close to the raven.

Terrified Izaya stumbled back, his eyes not leaving the predator for even a second.

"I knew you would be somewhere around here, you don´t have anywhere to go without that damned grandfather of yours, huh, do you?" his father stated, a satisfied grin on his face.

His eyes were a little glazy and he smelled like alcohol once more-

"Bet that damned headteacher of yours even helped you hiding from me, huh?!"

Terrified izaya´s eyes darted around, trying to find a way to distract his father, to get him to go away, to run past him and flee, flee as fast as he could-

But he was standing right in front of the fucking door!

There was no way around him!

"Izaya~ You look a little pale, is something wrong?" his father suddenly asked, making the raven back away once more. "Do you feel guilty perhaps, for ruining everything, huh?!" he yelled, making Izaya flinch.

"I-I´m sorry-" Izaya tried mumbling quiet, but it only infuriated his father more.

His eyes turned into tiny sliths and before the raven could even react his father stepped closer- Izaya quickly tried to get away, he tried to run past the man, to escape his hands, he just needed to get out, right?! Just out of here-!

But-

Before he could even halfway pass the drunk, he had already grabbed him by his shirt and trown back on the floor.

Izaya tried crawling away, fleeing, as soon as he could, but no chance, suddenly there was a foot on top of his back, pressing him into the ground and forcing the air out of his lungs.

He coughed violently and tears sprang to his eyes when his father leaned forward, increasing the pressure.

"Let him go-!" Izaya´s eyes widened when he saw the pipsqeak storm towards his father. He had picked up the scissor he had tried to open the door with and approached the drunk man-

"Shotaro no-!" but too late-

His father´s expression churned and furious he grabbed the boy´s wrist that was holding the scissor and pulled it up, lifting the boy from the ground, only to punch him hard into the face and send him to the floor immediately.

Shotaro gasped, but stayed on the floor, Izaya couldn´t tell if he was too hurt or too scared to move.

"Izaya-" Izaya´s head snapped back to the predator above him.

"Ne, let me ask you something, what do you think does an eyesore like you deserve as punishment, hm?!" he asked, anger consorting his expression. Izaya shivered, a tear of fear dripped down his cheek and he shook his head slowly.

"I.. I don´t know.. maybe you, you could just ignore it, I´m not worth deserving your attention, right?" he tried, hoping if he put it that way, the way his father had always seen him, he could avoid some pain.

But no.. his father laughed.

"Oh, now you finally understand just what you are? No witty comeback?" he asked and took his foot of the raven. Immediately Izaya tried to crawl away, but his dad didn´t let him of course. He grabbed him on his shirt and turned him around, wrapping his hands around the young raven´s neck.

Izaya gasped, fear refected in his eyes when his father started speaking once more.

"Too bad Izaya, you realized your place too late and I can´t just leave you without any punishment, that wouldn´t be fair now, would it?" he asked growling, and his grip tightened a bit, making Izaya gasp and wrap his hands around his father´s, trying to get them off, but it was useless.

"You know what you deserve?" his father suddenly asked, the same hatred visible in his eyes that Izaya had always seen.

"You deserve nothing but death, Izaya-!" he yelled at the raven and tightened his grip further.

Izaya eyes widened-

He couldn´t breathe-!

He couldn´t breathe-!

Aimlessly he swung his arms around, he tried to gasp for air, but no use, his arms hit his father but he didn´t let go of his grip-

Suddenly he saw Shotaro from the corner of his eyes, he tried getting the man off, but he didn´t budge, he didn´t even move the slightest bit-!

He just tightened his grip more, his throat hurt-

He couldn´t breathe-

Dark spots were starting to invade the raven´s vision and his struggles ceased a little.

His lungs burnt, it hurt so much-

"Who are you?"

Only barely Izaya recognized the voice- he rolled his eyes up, only to face the blue eyed guy.

A frown was placed on the guy´s face and he was staring at his father.

Izaya choked, and hit his father once more, trying to get him off.

But it was useless- his strength left him and he let his hand fall down to the floor.

He couldn´t anymore-

And then everything faded to black.

…

-7 pm. Child Izaya´s point of view. In the clubroom-

"Izaya-"

Groggy Izaya´s eyes opened a bit. He blinked a few times.

"Izaya-"

God, he had a searing headache… What happened…?

He frowned, and gripped his head, sitting up- and suddenly flinched.

What the… he touched his throat, and swallowed.

It hurts-

Fuck- it hurt a damn lot-

Just what…?

"Izaya-" he turned his head, following the voice that had been calling his name.

Shotaro was sitting next to him. But he didn´t look good at all-

"Shotaro, what happened to your face?" he asked. It was all beaten up, bruises were to be seen on it and some blood was dripping down the corner of his mouth.

Just what-

Suddenly he remembered, right, his father- he tried to choke him to death-

But then how?! He looked around, finally realizing his surroundings.

He was still inside the clubroom with Shotaro.

But this time.. they weren´t alone.

The three guys they had seen the day before- had returned.

Grinning the blue eyed bastard sat on the ground, leaning his head in the palm of his hand and watched him. His friends were standing next to him. The fat guy, he was called Michiru, if Izaya remembered correctly, was standing on his right. And Kawashi, grinning just as crazy as the blue eyed, was sitting on his left-

The two themselves were sitting in the opposite corner of the room. Or better, Shotaro was sitting next to him, while Izaya was still half laying there.

But he didn´t reply to Izaya´s question.

Slowly he sat up, cautiously eyeing the three.

A short glance to the door was enough for him to realize, that it was in fact open-

Of course, his father had broken it open after a-

Wait.

He frowned, looking around. Where did his father disappear to?

Did he leave? Did he talk to the three and asked them to kill him instead? So he wouldn´t have to dirty his hands?

No… he was so furious, he wanted to kill him himself.. but then, just where did he disappear to?

He looked around again, but there wasn´t really anything, just the room like it was before, and a lump of clothes next to the three guys.

Suddenly his eyes widened and he looked closer at the lump in the corner.

Wait.. that-

"Oh, spotted your, father, I guess?" Hono suddenly asked grinning, making Izaya look at him puzzled.

"…what?" was all he got out, not getting what he was getting at.

He remember only tiny bits of the time before he passed out. He knew his father had tried to choke him, he also remembered that Hono had suddenly appeared.. but then..

Realization dawned on him and he swallowed, slowly approaching the lump in the corner.

It couldn´t be…

He crawled over slowly-

A silent murmur from Shotaro was to be heard, that sounded like a –don´t go- but he went nonetheless.

He had to know if this… if this really was what he thought it was..

He reached out his hand, hesitating a bit, but he took all his courage and turned the lump over.

A wave of nausea crashed into him and he had to try hard to not vomit right then and there-

No mistake, that was his father.

Was-

But-

His eyes.. god-

He looked away, and crawled backwards into the corner he had laid in quickly, trying to chase the picture out of his mind.

"A few stabs through the head if you want to know~" Hono grinned, snapping out a blood stained blade, amused by the kid´s reaction.

God- Izaya squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears.

He didn´t want to hear it.-

They .. they had killed his father- they had stabbed him in the head, in the eyes, one… was almost falling out-

God-

He couldn´t get that picture out of his mind.

It wasn´t like he cared what they actually did to his father, but- that sight..

"You know, we don´t like it when people play with our toys~" the blue eyed suddenly said, probably still grinning, Izaya imagined, since he still had his eyes closed shut.

"Hono…" suddenly he heard a different voice, Michiru most probably. He blinked a little, looking at the guy that rarely spoke if not ordered to.

"What?" Hono asked, frowning a little.

"What are we going to do with the corpse?" the fat guy asked, but he was instantly replied with nothing but insane laughter. Blue eyes stared at him amused.

"Oh come on, don´t piss yourself Michiru, I killed that whore of a mother yesterday and no one even noticed~! We captured those two and locked them in here and no-one noticed~ Don´t worry-" he looked at Izaya.

"I already have a great idea for the place we are going to store his father at." He grinned.

Izaya´s eyes widened and he shuffeled back.

That woman-

He could still remember her, her eyes had still been open and her brain were leaking out… so, he … he had really killed his own mother…?

He felt nauseous.

"Look at that, I think this little fucker here is scared shitless already ~" he grinned and suddenly he walked towards the raven. Izaya shuffled back, afraid, and the guy laughed.

"Now, why did that cute little daddy of yours try to kill you, hmm?" but Izaya kept his mouth shut.

Just as well as Shotaro, who was still sitting next to him in their corner.

He hasn´t really spoken a word since he woke up except his name.

None of them had dared to move from their position yet, except the short crawl to his father and back.

They knew, if they tried to escape, and the guys got them again, then they would punish them even harder for trying to do so-

"You should be grateful you know~?" Hono suddenly declared, "We saved your life~ Well, for the few more days we are going to let you live that is." He grinned, making Izaya shiver.

"But he sure gave you some nice marks there." Suddenly there was a hand at Izaya´s throat and he froze, both because it hurt and he was scared as fuck.

What would he do?!

"Ne, you know what? I liked that expression before~" Hono suddenly continued grinning. "That expression you had on your face when you were close to suffocating~" he grinned, making the raven swallow anxious.

Kawashi suddenly stepped forward, the lighter in his hand again.

"Ne Hono, we can´t stay here for too long, wanna start now or what?" he asked, seeming impatient, but the blue eyed just shook his head grinning and turned around to look at his buddy.

"No. Not the lighter, I have a way better idea~ Kawashi, get a bucket of water if you may." He ordered, the guy blinked surprised but suddenly a grin flashed over his lips as well.

"Oh I like that idea already~" he grinned.

Hono grinned and looked at the raven once more, his smirk neatly in place.

"Breathe as long as you still can boy~"

That was it-

Izaya´s eyes widened, and within a second he had made his decision.

He jumped up from his seat and dashed to the door.

He didn´t want to know what they wanted to do with him, he didn´t want to imagine it and he definitely didn´t want to have it done it to him.

He had to get away-

As fast as he could he ran to the door, he just needed to get out right?

He just needed to get out, out and then it would be over, he would run, he would get help for Shotaro-

But his run was cut short, when something pulled him back and he fell to the floor-

He gasped when his back hit the ground-

"Oi oi, trying to escape, are we, tch tch, I´m sorry, but that is against the rules of our game~" Hono stated, hitting Izaya in the face- hard.

He gasped when the force hit his head and roled on his side. He glared at the guy, blood dripping from the corner of his mouth.

"Your game? What kind of sick game is this?!" he asked, hysterically- but he didn't get an answer of course, instead-

Izaya squeezed his eyes shut, and another hit to the face connected with his cheek.

Hono laughed and Kawashi slipped smiling out of the clubroom, getting what Hono had asked for.

The blue eyed just stood there and grinned.

"Ne Izaya kun, that´s your name, isn´t it~? It´s against the rules to talk back you know~ So I would better keep my mouth shut if I were you~"

Suddenly there was another fist, yet again hitting his face, Izaya gasped and squeezed his eyes shut in pain, but he didn´t make any sound.

"Heh~" Hono suddenly smiled, tilting his head, "you are smarter than your friend it seems~" he chuckled. "It took way more hits before he went silent-" he grinned. Izaya looked back at Shotaro.

That explained his many bruises on his face.

Suddenly Kawashi returned with the bucket of water Hono had ordered him to get-

Hono grinned and looked at Michiru.

"Oi, see that bookshelf? Move it, we don't want our rats to flee again, ne?" he grinned, looking back at Izaya and Shotaro. "Not that you would try to flee, ne~?"

Shotaro made himself even smaller in his spot.

Michiru meanwhile did as told and moved over to the shelf, starting to push it in front of the door. Izaya swallowed when his last chance to freedom disappeared in front of his eyes.

"Just so you don´t try to escape again, ne Izaya-kun~?" Hono grinned, and suddenly he dragged the raven over to the bucket with water-

Izaya tried to tear himself away from the guy´s grip, but no dragged him in front of the bucket and threw him to the floor. Suddenly there was a hand on the back of his head and the blue eyed grinned.

"Now, let´s play~"

That was the last thing Izaya heard, before the hand pushed him forward-

His head emerged into the water-

Izaya eyes squeezed shut, and he struggled with his hands and legs, but they were quickly taken care off by the other two.

He could feel hands around them and getting his legs and hands restrained-

He tried shaking his head while holding his breath as well as he could, this was just a freaking bucket-!

He should be able to tilt it over-!

But no matter how hard he shook his head, Hono seemed to be holding that bucket in place with his other hand, and just pressed the raven under water-

Slowly but surely suffocating him-

He couldn´t breathe- he couldn´t breathe yet again-

His throat and lungs were starting to hurt, he needed air-!

He needed it-!

And suddenly his head was tugged backwards, Izaya coughed, he had swallowed some water before he finally pulled him out, trying to gasp for air. But Hono just grinned.

"Oh this is the expression I wanted to see~" he laughed, and grabbed Izaya´s hair again-

"Ready for round 2~?" he asked before pushing the raven back into the water before he could even try to protest-

Over and over they repeated this process, they repeated and repeated and repeated-

Izaya couldn't do it anymore, with every go they let him under water longer-

He needed to breath-

It hurt.

He felt hot, exhausted, and his lungs burnt-

But they didn´t let him go-

He didn´t even know when, but halfway he had started crying-

He was just desperate- he didn't know what to do-

He didn´t even know if they planned to kill him that way, if it even mattered if they did by accident-

Over and over and over again he was pushed into the water- he couldn´t anymore.

Shotaro was sitting next to the scene-

He couldn´t move.

He didn´t dare to go over- he couldn´t help.

Even if he tried to help Izaya-

He would just be next.

He shivered, and wrapped his hands around his body. His right arm still hurt so bad, he didn´t want this anymore-

He wanted home…

He wanted back to his mommy.

And then suddenly Izaya was tossed away.

Shotaro crawled over to him immediately, thinking they were done, but before he could reach him, a foot was brought down on Izaya´s left leg-

*CRACK*

"AHH-!" A cry tore from the raven´s lips-

Shotaro froze in his motion-

"Oh what a nice sound~!" Hono suddenly giggled hysterically and brought his foot down once more, this time on Izaya´s left arm-

*CRACK*

"AHHH-!" tears dripped down his face and he laid still, trying just to not move any part of his body.

It hurt-

He cried-

It hurt so much-

"Hono we have to go-" Kawashi suddenly said, approaching the blue eyed guy.

"Tch, you got lucky Izaya-kun~ I will see you tomorrow~" he grinned and suddenly walked to the middle of the room.

He grabbed a metal ring, that neither Izaya nor Shotaro had even noticed before, and pulled at it. The wood beneath him cracked, and it revealed a small store room.

Hono grinned, and turned around, facing the still sobbing and pained raven.

Mercylessly he grabbed him by his broken leg and pulled him after, making him scream in pain.

With a grin he tossed him into the tiny storage room-

Izaya tried to surpress his sobbing when he it the ground. It hurt so much- so much-

He curled up on the ground- Shotaro was still sitting in his corner. He didn´t dare to move- his body was like frozen-

He wanted to go over there, but he just couldn´t-

He wanted to help him but he didn´t know how.

"Tomorrow its going to be even more fun~ Izaya kun~" Hono started to speak and waved at Kawashi, whispering something in his ear before leaning down to the raven again.

"You know Izaya, I´m going to give you a reward because you were so obedient today~" he grinned, and suddenly something was shoved down into Izaya´s small room.

He squeezed his eyes shut when it dropped on top of him, pain shooting through his left arm and leg-

Biting his lip he managed to crawl out from under the heavy object, only to freeze when he saw what they threw down-

"I hope you sleep well with your daddy next to you~!"

They had throw his dad down into this tiny room. Izaya´s eyes widened and he scurried away as far as he could from the dead corpse- his back pressing tight into the cold wall.

"Let´s play again soon~" Hono laughed, and then the door to the store room in the floor fell shut-

Shotaro shuffled backwards until he hit the wall when they closed the wooden door. He was next- he was sure now, he was going to be next-

He shivered and closed his eyes, expecting them to hit him, or grab him, or do the same thing to him they did to Izaya-

Kawashi grabbed him, and dragged him after him-

But not as Shotaro expected, to the bucket of water, or to Hono, no- he dragged him to the bookshelf instead. The fat guy had pulled it away from the door again and it was now right next to the open door.

Confused he looked at the guys, but instead of pulling anything threatening out, they bound his wrists together with a rope, and tied him to the bookshelf.

"Don´t worry it´s your turn tomorrow~" Hono grinned, making Shotaro shiver, and finished tying Shotaro´s hands as well as legs to the bookshelf.

One knot, two knots, three- he really was making sure that he was definitely inmobile.

Only once he seemed satisfied with his work he stepped away, his usual grin in place.

"Good night boys~ See you at playtime~" he said once more, and then the boys left the room.

Just like that.

They disappeared.

Shotaro was still sitting there, his heart still beating fast. He said tomorrow-right?! Tomorrow it would be his turn-!

He tried untying the ropes hasty, but no way, they were tied to tight he couldn´t even reach the end in any way to tug at the knot.

And his leg as well.

Frustrated he realized, that he really couldn´t move at all-

He couldn´t move-!

He couldn't´get away! That meant-

He sniffed, trying to hold back tears.

He had to stay strong. They would find a way to escape, right? They had to.

He swallowed, trying to calm down.

Suddenly a noise reached his ears.

Sobbing-

"Izaya-" Shotaro called, trying to tug at the knot yet again, but no use, he couldn´t get over to the storage room.

He frowned, still not giving up and tried harder.

"Oi Izaya, are you okay?" he asked in the darkness.

But there was no answer.

Only sobbing to be heard. Fuck- of course he was not okay…

Izaya was still curled up on the floor, barely touching the dead body in front of him, eyes squeezed shut in pain.

He just couldn´t stop the tears. It hurt so much..

He couldn´t stop the tremors shaking his body.

They would come back.  
They would come back and continue-

They would come back and kill him for sure in due time.

The thoughts just didn´t stop repeating-

He didn't want to die.

He didn´t want to hurt-

He didn´t want all of this-

He opened his eyes a little bit, tears dropping down his face as he looked into the direction where his father was laying.

… he didn´t even want this… he didn´t want him to die that way..

Shotaro was still sitting there. He heard the raven´s sobs. It teared his heart apart.

He was all alone down there, with that corpse, with a broken leg and arm-

"Izaya, Izaya it´s going to be okay.." he tried, calling out to the raven, hoping that he at least heard him.

Izaya down there just shook his head, still sobbing relentlessly- It wasn´t going to be okay. No way.

"Someone heard us today." Shotaro continued, "..sure it wasn't the best person to notice us, but the point is someone heard us! Tomorrow is Friday-! There will be people at school, and they will hear us-!" he said, trying to help the raven, trying to .. he didn´t even know what he tried to do.

He just wanted to hug the crying raven, but he couldn´t even do that with those stupid ropes.

"I am sure-!" he tried again, his own eyes getting teary now. He was just sitting there.. he should have helped. He should have tried to help.

He felt stupid and angry at himself for just sitting there, letting Izaya get hurt. Another sob reached his ears, forming a pained expression on his face.

"Please don't cry Izaya…" he wanted to help him.

He didn´t want only him to get hurt… he didn´t want to get hurt himself but… it wasn´t fair..

Izaya had been through so much pain in his life already.

He swallowed, trying to stable his eyes, and even thought Izaya couldn´t see it from down there, he tried forming a smile.

"Ne, I promise you Izaya, we will get out of here tomorrow." He promised.

Because tomorrow-

Tomorrow he wouldn´t just sit there- he would protect Izaya.

No matter what-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of day 2
> 
> Awwwwwww poor Izaya T-T But HEY
> 
> His father got what he deserved~! Hehehe~ And damn, I think by now it´s pretty clear who the most fucked up person in this story is- right-
> 
> -Me the storyteller- xDDDD
> 
> Nah, definitely Hono xD
> 
> Kayyyy~ now before I leave again and try hurrying with the next chapter of After sunset, I have one questionnnnnn for those who don´t like these chapters too much right now.
> 
> Its important, so please do answer it if you review Cx
> 
> Do you not like the recent chapters, becauseeeeeee:
> 
> a) your poor Iza baby gets hurt or you just can´t stand reading this because crazy people like this actually exist and it makes you churn to think about that or you just hate gore,
> 
> b) you just aren´t really interested in his past and want the Present to go on already
> 
> c) you don´t like how I portray child Izaya or just imagined something different to have happened in his past and are let down,
> 
> or
> 
> d) my writing isn´t as interesting as it once was and that´s why you don´t like it too much anymore.
> 
> If there is a reason e) im not aware of please do tell me too cx
> 
> Oh well~
> 
> Don´t worry Minna-san, this time I won´t take so long anymore xD I got a pretty nice regulated schedule now cx And made sure I have enough time to write per day to not be THAT late again cx


	29. Day 3- Last words

-PAST-

Day 3- Last words

\- child Izaya´s point of view. Morning, in the clubroom. Friday-

Only slowly Izaya´s eyes fluttered open.

… it was dark. But not completely dark, light was falling through the tiny sliths of the entrance above Izaya. This time it didn´t take Izaya even a second to realize where he was.

His father, made it downright impossible to think that maybe all of this had been a dream.

He was still laying there… right next to him.

Izaya gulped when his sight fell on the corpse. It had started to rot a little- tiny little caterpillars were crawling over his body and flies… flies were crawling into-

Izaya squeezed his eyes shut again and turned his head away, trying to hold his breath and not smell to much of his dad.

He moved his hand backwards and tried to shuffle away, only to hiss pained, as he was instantly reminded of his probably broken leg and arm.

His face consorted in pain as he continued to move away, until his back hit the cold wall of the small room.

Slowly he opened his eyes again, avoiding to look at his father though and inspected his arm and leg. They both hurt extremely bad. He tried to softly lift his arm, only to hold back a scream as his eyes watered. Fuck it hurt-

It hurt a damn lot. Gently he cradled his right arm around his left, making sure it wouldn´t move anywhere.

It was broken. He bet it was. He had heard it crack when that crazy guy stepped on it.

And now.. it was just hurting so much, it had to be broken.

Frowning frustrated he leaned back against the cool wall of the little room. It was cold against his skin, making him tremble slightly at the touch.

"Izaya, are you up?" It was only a faint whisper, but Izaya had caught it nonetheless. It was Shotaro.

"I am." He replied, rather quiet himself. His voice felt hoarse from screaming and crying so much yesterday.

A shudder ruptured through his body and for a single second pure panic washed over Izaya.

They… were going to come back today.. right?

They were-

Today they would… he didn´t even know what they would do to him… but it would hurt- He already had a broken leg and arm, just what else would they do to him-?!

His breathing got ragged and his eyes widened for a second.

He didn´t want that- he didn´t-

"Are you okay?" Izaya froze when the voice called again.

Right.. Shotaro was up there.

Izaya inhaled, trying to keep his calm and wiped angry at his eyes that had started to tear up again. No no no, they would get out of here today.

They would.

Definitely.

Just like Shotaro said yesterday. It was Friday, there was school, if they yelled loud enough for someone to hear they would be found and freed.

It was over.

It was going to be over. This was the last injury he would take from those crazy guys. He inhaled deeply once more, calming his accelerated heartbeat.

"I am." He said, coughing a little though when he used his hoarse voice once more. He leaned his head back onto the wall and looked up into the direction of the thin sliths of the wooden door. "What´s the time?" he asked suddenly getting anxious. They hadn´t slept too long had they?!

Shotaro was still tied to the bookshelf.

He hadn´t slept one bit this night. First off, he couldn´t sleep like this, bound to the bookshelf, and second, he didn´t dare to fall asleep and risk waking up after midday again.

He had to stay awake.

Ever since the sun had risen he had perked his ears, listening if someone was around.

When it was 8am he had started yelling, calling for help, as loud as he could.

He was surprised he hadn´t woken Izaya.

But he hated to say it, they didn´t hear him from here.. he knew the students were all arriving at this moment, but they were at the front of the school.

The school bus would be there, they would all be chatting like usual, there was just too much noise.

And so they hadn´t heard him. Not a single one had come by to see who was calling for help because just no-one heard.

"It´s 10:15." He answered, catching a short glance of his watch on his tied wrist on his back.

To be completely honest… he was starting to get anxious.

They would get out in about an hour, the students that is and also the teachers. Because he knew the school was closing earlier today. They had gotten a paper sheet for their parents to take ho-

Suddenly Shotaro´s eyes widened.

Mommy…

He said he would only be gone for one night, and stay over at a friend´s place. But now he had been gone for two nights straight.

She must be searching for him. He bet she already called and found out that he wasn´t staying at his classmate´s place like he said he did.

She was searching for him. For sure. And his little sister was too most probably.

He sniffed and squeezed his eyes shut. Maybe they would find him. Maybe his mommy would come for him. She would check the school for sure, so maybe she would come around.

Maybe she would even come back here-

"Shotaro?" Shotaro opened his eyes again and blinked a tear away that had gathered in his eyes. No no no, he had to stay calm, he couldn´t worry Izaya even more.

"I´m here." He answered Izaya, trying to sound as normal as he could.

"… how is your arm and leg..?" he asked further, worried.

He still could remember how … aweful it had sounded when that guy stepped on Izaya´s leg and arm… It had to hurt a damn lot-

Izaya looked down his body once more, and slowly, really slowly let go of his left arm, resting it on his waist.

Gently he tugged at the sleeve of his shirt only to, almost in slow motion, pull it up.

He didn´t even know what that part of his arm looked like now, where Hono had stepped on.

Softly he pulled it up, revealing more and more of his arm.

He gulped when a dark purple, black and yellow bruise came into sight. It looked horrible- just as horrible as he felt. But he sighed and softly pulled the sleeve down again.

He didn´t even need to pull up his pant´s legs, he could quite good imagine, what that bruise had to look like as well.

"I´m fine," he called up, lying just a little bit. But he didn´t want to worry the pipsqueak. He was fine after all.

As long as he didn´t move that is-

"How is your face..?" he asked instead, guilt tugging at his heart. "Did they hit you a lot?" he mumbled, almost to quiet for the pipsqueak to hear.

But of course he had heard it. And he felt even more guilty than the raven did.

He didn´t help.

He knew it.

He could have maybe at least shared the pain… if he had stood up and tried to help Izaya, they would have let go of him, they would have continued to half drown him instead in that bucket with water.

Maybe they would have never stepped on anyone´s leg or arm…

But this way…

He was frozen. He was just sitting there, not doing a single thing except staring and watching.

He was no better than that fat guy, called Michiru.

He was not a single bit better than him. Just sitting there and watching.

And now… he frowned guilty… now Izaya even worried more about him than about himself.

He didn´t believe him a second when he said that he was alright.

There was no way he could be.

He once broke his arm when he was four, and fuck, even with painkillers and a cast from the doctor it had hurt a damn lot.

Izaya had to be in a lot of pain…

And even though that was the case, he just worried more about him even though he was the one who was hurt most.

"I am fine. Really." Shotaro replied, frowning sad. "they didn´t hit me too often." He added.

But Izaya was still feeling guilty.

This was all his fault. If he hadn´t done all this, then this would have never happened. Shotaro would have never gotten hurt in the first place…

And his father…

Only shortly the raven glanced at the figure in the dark.

Not that he felt too guilty about him.. but.. it was also his fault, that he was dead.

"What did they do while I was out?" Izaya asked, not able to tear away his stare from the dead corpse.

He wanted to know. He wanted to know what exactly happened to his dad and what they did to Shotaro.

When he came back to his senses the pipsqueak looked completely intimidated, and that even though he had tried to pry his dad off him before.

Shotaro looked away, to the corner that Izaya´s dad had been laying in the day before. Of course he could remember it. What happened after that.

Izaya´s father had tried to kill him, he had tried to choke Izaya to death.

If it weren´t for Hono he would have actually succeeded.

"First… your dad let go of you, after you passed out. I don´t know if he thought you were already dead, or if he just wanted to deal with Hono first." Shotaro started to mumble.

Izaya listened closely.

Yeah, he could remember that blue eyed guy showing up in the door.

He didn´t look anywhere near amused to find someone else inside this shed.

"He tried to attack Hono." Shotaro continued, remembering how Izaya´s father had let go of Izaya and basically dashed towards the blue eyed guy.

He still remembered how he thought Izaya was dead…

Because.. he just couldn´t see if Izaya´s chest was still moving up and down, or…

He quickly shook his head, chasing that fear away. Izaya was alright now after all.

"He tried to punch Hono, but he evaded your dad quickly, and then… there was a knife." He could still remember the metal and how it reflected in the sun.

He didn´t even realize that it was a knife at first.

"…it all went so fast, suddenly he stabbed your father, into his right eye. And then again, and again… your father had already fallen down to the floor, but… that guy still kept stabbing your dad. Over and over again." He told the raven.

He would never forget that expression that Hono wore at that moment.

Never.

He looked insane-

Crazy.

There was just no description to describe that look in his eyes.

He looked, like he literally enjoyed killing.

Shotaro guped, and squeezed his eyes shut for a second.

He wouldn´t hesitate to kill them. He knew it.

Once he got bored of them, once he was done playing with them, he would kill them.

And he wouldn´t even care the slightest bit.

He bet he didn´t even feel guilty for killing his own mother. No way.

"And then… I tried to run." He continued. "I wanted to get out, get help, find someone and get away from here. I screamed for help. But they got me pretty fast… that´s where the bruises in my face are from." He mumbled.

They had kept hitting him. For every call for help he did. Told him to shut up. Of course he didn´t… but after a while.. it just had hurt a lot and nobody came..

Izaya had been listening, and turned his head to look at his father.

He hated all this.

… if just… his father wasn´t the kind of person he was.. if he just hadn´t been drunk… if he hadn´t cheated on his mom..

If he had just accepted Izaya as his son. Then they would be free by now. He could have helped them, got them out, or even better, they would have never had to be here if it weren´t for his father in the first place.

No-one would have gotten hurt… he wouldn´t have a broken leg and arm… and Shotaro..

If just…

"Why are you even my friend…?" the whisper left Izaya´s lips before he even knew it.

"Eh?" Shotaro had still caught the words, and blinked surprised.

Why-

"If you weren´t…" Izaya started slowly. "… nothing of this would have ever happened to you. You wouldn´t be tied up here, you wouldn´t have gotten hurt, nothing… this all just happened to you because you are my friend…" he faded out.

He felt too guilty. It was all his fault.

He dragged him into this huge mess.

If he just had chased him away better, or never even talked to him in the slightest, just ran away, or .. he didn´t even know.. just not become frinds with him, he would have never gotten hurt at all-

"Sorry, but, I decided I would be your friend from the first day I saw you Izaya." Shotaro suddenly said, making Izaya pause in his thoughts.

"What?" Izaya asked confused. He could still remember the first day Shotaro had gotten into their school. Nothing special happened on that day though.

He didn´t even talk to the pipsqueak. Not even once that day.

Everyone was greeting him and talking with him and doing stuff, he could still remember that. They were practically swarming around him, but he was more or less doing the complete opposite of what everyone was doing.

"Why…?" he added, frowning a bit. It didn´t make sense.

"It´s because you were like me." Shotaro mumbled, smiling at the thought.

He could still remember the first day he came to this school. Everyone had been gathering around him, the new one. Well all except Izaya. But that wasn´t what caught Shotaro´s attention.

"You know… before I got into this school, I was at another one. One, that wasn´t the best school you could go to. Actually the opposite. The teachers and classmates there all hated me. I was lonely." He could still remember it.

In his old school, you were either one of the bullies, or one of those being bullied.

But he, he didn´t really belong to either groups. Because he was no bully, ad he didn´t get picked on too often. Mostly because he was always running.

The second the school bell rang he would have had his stuff packed already and storm out of class, running home.

Not because he didn´t want to meet his bullies, but he was also getting his little sister from kindergarden on his way home. He couldn´t get involved with them, or they might have gotten his sister as well.

And so he ran. Day after day.

The bullies laughed at him, and the bullied ones hated him. And so he was alone in class.

He never had any friends there. And he never had any friends elsewhere to be honest.

He was lonely.

And that was exactly what he had noticed the first day he got to this new school of his.

He had seen Izaya sit there, look out of that window. And everyone, really everyone in the class somehow seemed like he already belonged somewhere or better to some group or friend.

It didn´t seem like he was actually being isolated by everyone else, since he wasn´t being shunned or something, but yet in a way he was, and was not.

"You know, when I got into this school, and everyone was so nice, and caring and loving, I was happy. I thought I could find friends there finally. And then there were you, and you looked just as lonely as I did all the time. I couldn´t leave you alone." He chuckled a little, remembering how he had pestered Izaya all the time.

"I don´t even really know why myself, but the moment I saw you I just decided that you were going to be my friend. Even though you were stubborn about it." he grinned even though the raven couldn´t see it.

Lonely?

Had he been?

Izaya thought about what Shotaro said, but still.. he wouldn´t call it lonely, since, he brought it along himself, didn´t he?

From the very beginning he purposely avoided talking to his classmates. He didn´t want to be friends with them if he had to put it into words.

Because, even if he had some, they would only bother him. They would ask questions. They would want to visit home or something.

Izaya didn´t want that, he didn´t want to involve anyone with his family or himself.

There was always this kind of feeling, like… like he wasn´t allowed to have friends in the first place.

Not that anyone had said it aloud, no, no-one did, not even his father or mother, but he didn´t know, he just felt he wasn´t allowed to.

But was he lonely because of that?

"Ne Izaya, you know," Shotaro suddenly continued talking. "Even though, we are here now, and both hurt. I don´t regret a single thing I did." He smiled, even though he knew Izaya wouldn´t see it, and looked towards the entrance on the floor.

Surprised the raven blinked.

He didn´t regret it? How could he not? He got hit and his arm burned, and god knew what else might still happen to the pipsqueak because of hi-

"Izaya," Shotaro suddenly said, interrupting his thoughts.

"I´m glad I´m your friend."

Izaya´s eyes widened for a second.

…glad…?

He couldn´t believe it..

He got hurt because of him and he always kept pushing him away, and yet… why would he say that now…?

He didn´t understand.

How could he not downright hate him?

No matter how he looked at it, it was entirely his fault that they were here now. In this situation.

It just..

He sniffed and hastly rubbed over his eyes with his right sleeve.

How could he say he was glad to be his friend?

Doesn't make sense…

"Izaya, are you crying?" Shotaro asked, his eyes growing soft. He had heard the raven sniff.

And even though he didn´t give Izaya any fault for all this, he just knew how guilty the raven felt by the questions he asked.

"…shut up…" a croaky voice was heard from the tiny space below and he chuckled silently.

Cute-

Suddenly a loud sound was to be heard from outside- the school bell had rang.

"Ah, Izaya! School is over!" Shotaro hastily mumbled, reflexively trying to move away from the bookshelf, but of course the effort was fruitless. He sighed and looked up to the halfheartedly closed door.

It was open of course, but him being bound like this, and Izaya down there with a broken arm and leg there was no way they could get out of here even though the exit was so close-

"HELP!" Shotaro yelled at the top of his lungs.

If they had a chance to escape, the it was now.

The last chance. They had to scream, they had to yell, so that someone, at least one person of this school would hear them. Just a single one would be enough.

Even one of their classmates would be enough to find them.

"HELP! WE ARE CAUGHT IN HERE!" he yelled again, as loud as he could. Again and again and again.

There just had to be a person that would hear them. At least the teachers, he almost bet that at least at the end of the week there had to be someone checking the entire school campus, like, for example the cleaner or maybe the headmaster or a teacher, someone had to be coming here.

"IS THERE ANYONE?!" he continued to yell. Nobody answered, but still, he didn´t stop.

"PLEASE HELP US! HELP!"

Only faintly he registered that Izaya was yelling too for help from down there. Even though it sounded muffled.

"HEL-" and then suddenly he shut up-

He heard footsteps, he heard voices-!

Izaya was still yelling, he hadn´t heard them yet-

A smile flashed over his face and he called yet again.

"WE ARE HERE!"

Someone had heard him!

"HELP US!"

Someone was coming over, someone who would free them!

And suddenly the door flew open-

"I told you he would scream- !"

-and his expression froze.

"Yeah yeah, now we are here now, no? No-one heard so it´s fine."

"Oi. Little asshole, shut up, or you will regret it-!"

No.

NO.

It just couldn´t be. That was too cruel.

It was too early.

Way too early!

How.. why?!

"Oi Kawashi would you please close the door already?" Hono growled at his friend and glared at the pipsqueak.

"So you really decided to call for help huh?" he was wearing his usual grin as he approached the kid, but beneath it, he was obiously trembling with anger.

Shotaro was still staring at them with a blank expression.

He couldn´t believe it… of all people.. he had thought… he had thought someone would come..

And yet…

Those three had to be the ones who came in.

Those three had to hear him.

Why did it have to be those three?!

Why did it have to be them?!

What were they even doing here so early?!

Why couldn´t it have been someone else to hear them?!

Why?!

"Oi, I talked to you you, little rat-!" Hono growled angry, his neatly placed grin dropping for just a second, and kicked Shotaro into his stomach. The little boy coughed and his face consorted into a pained frown.

"Ahh-! No ah- let go-!" pained yelps were heard from the direction of Izaya´s own little prison, and Shotaro quickly glanced over worried. Kawashi had opened the heavy wooden door and pulled the raven up by his arms-

By both his arms-!

God it had to hurt- that arm and that leg, they were still broken-

"Leave him alone-!" he cried, tugging harshly at his boundaries, but of course they didn´t loosen a bit, and Izaya was thrown next to him, a pained gasp escaping his lips and he curled up almost instantly on the ground.

A panicked glance was thrown at him by his friend.

Hew as scared-

Shotaro frowned, no.

He squeezed his eyes shut.

NO.

He wasn´t going to give up like this.

He wouldn´t let them hurt Izaya again-!

They needed to get out of here, and today was the last day-!

No-one would be here after the school ended, even the teachers would leave, if he stopped now-

They would die.

"HELP! HELP US!" he suddenly screamed on top of his lungs, not only startling Izaya.

"ANYONE! PLEASE HELP US!"

"What the hell are you doing?!" Hono suddenly spat at the little boy and kicked him again-

Once, twice, thrice, but Shotaro didn´t stop yelling-

"PLEASE SOMEONE HELP US!"

"Shut up you little shit!" and suddenly there was a hand before his mouth, trying to prevent him from screaming. But Shotaro just glared at Kawashi for a second before biting him onto his hand- hard-

"What the-!" he flinched and quickly ripped his hand away from the biting child.

"HELP!" And he started yelling again, Hono glared and kicked the boy again, again and again-

"HELP!"

"SHUT UP!" He yelled at the boy, but he didn´t.

"PLEASE SOMEONE!" he wasn´t going to let them intimidate him, he wasn´t going to give up.

He wasn´t going to let Izaya get hurt again-!

"HELP!"

"Shotaro stop!" Izaya pleaded, flinching at each kick his friend received.

He didn´t want him to get hurt-!

"Shotaro!"

But he didn´t, he just kept screaming, screaming at the top of his lungs, as loud as he could.

Someone, even if those guys were here, if someone heard them they would be fine, they would get saved, so he couldn´t give up now! He couldn´t!

"WE ARE CAPTURED IN HERE! HELP!"

He wanted to help Izaya!

"PLEASE HELP US!"

He wanted to go home!

"HELP!"

He wanted to go home with Izaya! He would take Izaya with him! To his mother! And his little sister!

"ANYONE!"

Everything would be fine, he would never have to be scared again!

Never- He would protect him!

He wanted to, and then-

"HEL-"

Suddenly there was a knife.

It happened so fast-

Izaya´s eyes widened.

Blood sprawled on the floor, and suddenly he was quiet.

Quiet.

All of them were.

No yelling for help from Shotaro. No yelling for him to stop from Izaya.

Silence-

Only a low dark chuckle interrupted the moment, bubbling up from Hono´s throat and he grinned.

"Awww won´t you talk? Won´t you scream for help now~?" Hono asked, a smirk flashing over his lips and he wiped the blade clean on his shirt.

A cry tore from the little pipsueaks lips- pained- his eypression churned- but the cry didn´t form any words-

Of course not- how could he-

Blood.

So much blood was dripping down the mouth.

A mouth that didn´t belong to Izaya though.

He couldn´t stop staring, his eyes wide and his mouth open for .. he didn´t even know what..

He had been about to yell at Shotaro to stop it.. to cease screaming, because he didn´t want him to get hurt more, but… now….

"Oh my, I apologize, my mistake, you can´t talk anymore, right~?" Hono still laughed, ignoring Shotaro´s pained yelps and gasps, and crouched down before the little boy.

"No…" It was but a silent whisper falling from the little raven´s lips.

His eyes were fixated on the sight, trailing to the now no longer moving muscle in front of Shotaro.

That guy- had cut off Shotaro´s tongue-

Izaya´s expression churned and he turned to look at that freaking asshole of a guy-

"YOU FUCKING MONSTE-!"

Then a hit.

He wasn´t even able to to finished his sentence when a fist collided with his cheek-

"Who allowed you to speak, huh?!" Kawashi yelled at the young raven and hit him.

Again.

And again, and again, and again-

Over and over, he got kicked and punched and stepped on his arms and legs- all of them.

Even the broken ones, making him squirm, hiss, scream in pain, together with his friend.

He could barely feel his broken arm and leg anymore.

And then suddenly Shotaro´s screaming died down-

Instantly, Izaya´s eyes widened, shocked, and he turned around to look at his friend-

"Shotaro-!"

The guys laughed.

Blood was still dripping out of Shotaro´s mouth, but he wasn´t moving anymore-

"Shotaro-!" but the guys just laughed.

"That little fucker, probably passed out from the bloodloss." Kawashi grinned and pulled Shotaro´s head up by his hair.

Izaya couldn´t tear his eyes away.

"Oi Kawashi, burn that wound so he doesn´t go dying on us yet." Hono suddenly ordered.

And suddenly Kawashi pulled out a lighter, making Izaya´s eyes go wide-

"NO! What are you doin-!" another punch in his face shut him up for a second and he saw black before his eyes.

Only slowly his eyes started adjusting to his surroundings again when he opened them.

Blankly he stared at the unconcious figure.

He must have had passed out because Kawashi had moved away from Shotaro and he ahd stopped bleeding from his mouth.

Izaya´s own pain faded into the background for a second turning into nothing but a dull throbbing.

Tears, blood, both were streaming from his now expressionless face.

Another punch hit his head and he squeezed his eyes shut once more.

It was his fault.

His own eyes stinging from the pain, from the knowledge, it was his fault just because of him-

I´m glad I´m your friend.

Then a kick.

But he didn´t try to get up.

They had probably been hitting him even while he had passed out.

His sight was fixed onto the weak figure craddled on the floor.

It was his fault.

"Hello?" Suddenly Izaya´s eyes widened, and he wasn´t the only one who took on a shocked expression.

Someone was calling them!

"Hello? Is there someone?" Someone who was not one of these guys!

Steps were to be heard and someone was moving closer-

"Hello…?" Suddenly Izaya paused, and blinked.

He recognized that voice-! It was the crocodile-!

She had heard them, she had heard Shotaro scream! If he called her now, she would-!

Startled Izaya flinched when Hono suddenly crouched down in front of him.

Grinning he moved a finger in front of his lips, and tipped against them.

Izaya got the message.

Be quiet-

He wanted him to stay quiet- heh of course he wanted him to stay quiet, if he called her now they would get found out, if he did that, then-

…

No…

No he was wrong.

If he called her now…

Warily Izaya eyed the boy when he stepped towards the door opened it slightly and stepped out.

Those guys, they were insane-

If he called for their teacher now, they wouldn´t even care, maybe they would even plainly kill her off right away-

Just how he did with his father… he would kill her… if he screamed now he would kill her too.

And even if he didn´t kill her and just kept her here…

No he couldn´t say anthing- but Shotaro-

His sight trailed back to the pipsqueak on the floor.

He needed help- He needed help soon-

He would die if they didn´t get out of here.

Hono disliked him more than Izaya- he would kill him first. He just knew it. If it came down to it, he would kill the pipsqueak first.

He didn´t want that to happen.

But he also didn´t want to die himself.

He didn´t know what other to do than to shut up-

He did as told, because he didn´t…

He looked at the slick muscle still lying on the ground.

No, he didn´t want that.

He didn´t want that.

He didn´t want his tongue to end up there as well.

He couldn´t scream, he was rendered frozen, he just… he didn't dare to move, if he did…

His eyes widened with fear.

He didn´t want his tongue to get cut off too-

He didn´t want that-

He didn´t want his teacher to die.

He didn´t want for Shotaro to die.

He didn´t want to die.

… just what… what was he supposed to do...?

Suddenly Hono came back in, startled Izaya looked back at him.

"What did you say?" Michiru asked, looking surprisingly upset about the matter.

"Let´s just say I convinced her that those weren´t screams for help but just a theatre rehearshal." He grinned, looking back at the raven. Scared Izaya shuffled backwards.

"Heh~ But you actually kept silent~ Good boy~" Izaya froze when the guy ruffled through his hair. "I would have had to kill her if you opened your mouth you know~" he grinned, lovingly gazing at his blood stained knife.

"How obedient~ I like that~" he grinned. Suddenly dragging it along Izaya´s right arm.

"Ne, Izaya, let´s play now~"

Izaya ´s eyes widened and he shook his head.

"No-" he whispered quickly, shuffling away.

No, no he didn´t want to !

He didn't want to play!

He didn´t want to get hurt more-! Tears dropped down his face-

He just wanted to go home.. to his grandpa.. or even his mom..

Even his dad if he were still alive- just..

He just.. he wanted home.. to Mairu and Kururi..

Would he even ever see them again? They would cry if they found out he died-

He just… he just wanted this to stop…

Tears trickled down his face as the guy dragged him over in front of Hono.

"Ohhh look at that cute little boy here, he is crying~" Hono just laughed at the little raven.

"Nene, we didn´t even do anything to you yet~ I just said we were going to play~"

Izaya shook his head vehemently, unable to speak a word through his sobs.

"Oh, you don´t want to play?" Hono asked, almost sounding hurt, if it weren´t for that grin on his face.

"But you know, if you don´t want to play, I have to get your friend from over there and play with him instead~"

Suddenly Izaya´s eyes widened and he looked back at Shotaro.

"But I think he is exhausted, if I play anymore with him he might fall asleep, don´t you think~?" the blue eyed guy smirked and Izaya shuddered.

He would kill him.

He would kill Shotaro.

He would kill his friend if he didn´t do as he said.

"Ne Izaya, you sure you don´t want to play~?" he asked once more.

The raven squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lips.

"…I .. I …an.. lay.." he mumbled quietly, fading out. Hono grinned.

"Hah~? Sorry I didn't´quite hear that. What do you want to do?"

I´m glad I´m your friend.

He would kill Shotaro.

"I want to play with you.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of day 3
> 
> Awwwww poor shotaro He didn´t deserve having his tongue cut off ;^;
> 
> And damn, thanks to you readers I actually kinda ship Shotaro x Izaya now too xDD
> 
> Btw- what I made Michiru do here is something that´s called cauterization. Ages ago, (greek time) it was commonly used to stop people from bleeding to death by burning the injuries. However, in most cases they died anyway because of the third and second degree burnes it caused. Those provided a prefect environment for bacteria to enter the wound and live there, and therefore made the poor injured die from infection about five days later.
> 
> So well~ Not that this would bother Shotaro then anymore-
> 
> See you in
> 
> (chapter 30) Day 4- the final day due to 8thOctober.2015
> 
> And yeshhhh it is the final day- in a sense- chu will see~ cx


	30. Day 4- The final day

\- child Shotaro´s point of view. Morning, in the clubroom. Saturday-

… Izaya…?

It was the first thought that struck the pipsqueak´s mind as he regained his consciousness. Slowly his eyes fluttered open.

… where?

Confused he looked around.

It was dark around him. Night?

Wait, no- he could see some light, but it was coming from tiny sliths above his head. He spread out his arms, only to bump his elbows against a hard cold wall.

Suddenly he realized where he was.

It was the tiny room underneath the floor, it was where Izaya had been staying before-

Quickly he looked around, trying to get used to the darkness, and squinted his eyes. Where was Izaya?

"Hnn-ah-!" Flinching he squeezed his eyes shut. He had been about to call Izaya´s name, but …

What the hell.

His tongue hurt-

He could taste blood-

What-

And suddenly he remembered. His eyes widened and a panicking frown found its way onto his face.

His hands shot forward to touch his lips, to touch his tongue, but-

There was no tongue anymore.

They had cut it off.

They had seriously cut it off. He remembered. Remembered how he had screamed, remembered how he had tried to get help for Izaya, to get out of this horrible place already. How Hono had approached him with the knife.

And then… when that slick muscle laid on the ground-

It had hurt so much. He barely remembered what happened afterwards.

He felt nauseous as he remembered the incident.

He couldn´t believe it. It was gone.

How was he going to speak to Izaya?!

Would it ever grow back?!

Panicking he gripped at his hair. What was he going to do now?

Was he even going to be able to speak to anyone ever again?! His mum!? His sister!?

Suddenly something shifted in the darkness next to him, making him flinch surprised.

His head snapped around quickly and he stared at the spot where the movement had come from.

There was something next to him… he swallowed, not knowing what to expect there when suddenly he he realized just what this was that was moving in the corner.

Izaya-!

His eyes widened, and he quickly got up from his sitting position, moving over to the raven. He didn´t even cringe when he stepped onto the dead corpse of Izaya´s father.

"Ahaha-" frowning he closed his mouth again.

Shit.

He couldn´t even talk to him. He couldn´t even call him, he couldn´t even ask him if he was okay!

Frustrated he let himself slump down in front of Izaya, only to notice that the raven was in fact still sleeping. He must have shifted in his sleep.

His eyes were closed and if it weren´t for the alarming bloodstains that covered his entire shirt, he would have almost looked peaceful.

He was injured-

Worried Shotaro touched the stained shirt and tried to lift it up without waking the raven. But he didn´t succeed. The raven flinched at the touch.

Slowly Izaya´s eyes fluttered open, and he looked at the pipsqueak.

"…Shotaro…?" he mumbled half asleep. The pipsqueak cringed and tried to smile, but worry soon replaced that expression and he pointed at Izaya´s shirt. He held out his hand, his thumb and index finger touching to form a circle, then tilted his head questioning.

He wanted to ask if he was okay.

But he couldn´t talk .. so..

But the raven seemed to get what he meant, as well as he seemed to suddenly remember just why Shotaro was doing this gesture instead of just asking him.

"… right… they cut off your tongue, ne…?" he mumbled, trying to sit up, only for his face to contort into a pained frown. A hand found its way over Izaya´s stomach and chest, and he bit his lower lip.

Worried Shotaro leaned forward, touching Izaya´s shoulder to keep him upright.

How bad were his injuries?!

Izaya blinked when he felt a hand hold him in place and looked at the young boy in front of him. He looked really worried.

Really worried for him…

He cringed. He couldn´t understand it.

How…

He got his tongue cut off… he got hurt so much... how could he even still care about the raven?

"… I´m sorry…" a quiet whisper left Izaya´s lips. Surprised Shotaro tore his stare away from the blood stained shirt and looked into Izaya´s eyes.

What?

A questioning look was written all over Shotaro´s expression.

Izaya cringed once more. He couldn´t stand it.

That look. That innocent look, that look that didn´t accuse him of anything at all.

Even though…

"It´s all my fault that this happened to you..." he whispered.

It would be way easier if Shotaro blamed him for everything, if he were mad at him. That he could understand and he would deserve it, but not this kindness…

Not when such horrible things had happened to the pipsqueak already because fo him.

Confused Shotaro watched the raven, only to see how small tears started to drop down Izaya´s face. His eyes widened and he wanted to ask what was wrong with him, when suddenly there were two hands cupping his face.

Shotaro blinked surprised, but didn´t move away.

"Im so sorry.. without me.. this would have never happened." Izaya cried softly, only making Shotaro´s heart tighten more.

He quickly grabbed both of Izaya´s hands and tugged them away, shaking his head.

It wasn´t his fault.

No. It wasn´t.

Not at all.

He had chosen to scream, not him.

He had wanted to help…. If someone had to apologize then it was him. He heard it… he didn´t really remember much and his memory was blurry, but he did remember Izaya´s words.

When he had been about to pass out, he had agreed to "play" with Hono in his stead.

He had saved his life. That he was sure of. He got hurt.. so much because of him..

And he still gave himself the fault.

He wished he could tell the raven this. He wished he could comfort him…

Suddenly he blinked. He had an idea-

Quickly he opened his mouth and pointed inside, making Izaya flinch when he saw the short muscle. A blood crust had built up around the rest of Shotaro´s tongue but parts of it where still bleeding softly.

Then he closed it again, pointed at Izaya, and shook his head.

Then he opened his mouth once more, pointed inside at his tongue again and then up above and nodded.

Hoping, the raven would get what he meant.

The raven´s eyes lidded a little, a tear dropped down and he looked to the ground.

He got the message.

The tongue, Izaya, and no. Then the tongue, the place they got tortured in, and yes.

He knew what the pipsqueak wanted to say.

The same words he said yesterday, the same words he kept repeating ever since they got into this mess.

You aren´t at fault.

It´s them who are.

"I don´t get you…" Izaya mumbled, looking away. "How can you still… not give me the fault? You should hate me…" but Shotaro just shook his head once more and leaned forward, trapping the raven in a soft hug. Surprised the raven blinked.

Izaya was his friend, and that would never change-

Gently he wrapped his arms around the raven and hugged him tighter.

Never.

He could feel the raven shake and hot tears slowly started to wet the hem of his shirt.

"How… how can you not be mad? How can you not hate me…? You can probably never speak again because of me…" he asked, his voice shaking. But Shotaro just hugged him tighter.

He would never give Izaya the fault for this.

He was just as hurt as himself, if not even more.

He had been hurt his entire life until now.

He deserved something better.

He deserved to get treated better, to be happy.

Not this…

He let go of the hug shortly, and leaned back, looking at Izaya´s teary eyed expression. Suddenly his sight fell back on Izaya´s shirt.

Right- his injuries.

Worried he glanced up at Izaya again. The raven wiped at his eyes, but noticed the pipsqueak´s stare.

"…You want to know what they did, huh…?" Izaya mumbled, getting what his friend was looking at him for.

Shotaro nodded, worry still ruling his eypression. But the raven just avoided his stare.

"It´s nothing, really, you don´t have to worry." Izaya mumbled, trying to avoid the pipsqueak, but he didn´t let the raven do that. Instead he made the raven look at him again and just let his mouth form the words that he wanted to speak without any sound.

Please…

Izaya sighed and glanced away, slowly pulling up his shirt. His face contorted into a pained frown.

And then he saw it.

Shotaro´s eyes widened when he saw where the bleeding had come from.

There were so many cuts-

Red burnmarks-

Purple bruises-

All over his body they were spread. There wasn´t even a single spot anymore that was not hurt in a way.

His frown contorted into an almost pained one and ge glanced up at Izaya whose expression wasn´t anywhere better.

They had.. not really left him alone for quite a while… he didn´t even remember how long they kept at it.

The only thing he did remember was, that he passed out halfway.

At least.. he didn´t remember some of the cuts and bruises…

Shotaro cringed at the sight.

Some of the wounds were slightly bleeding or red, they would infect themselfes if they didn´t already.

No wonder the raven hurt so much.

Quickly Shotaro stood up and tried to open the door above them.

He wanted to press it open- his school bag was up there. Together with all the medics he had gotten from home for Izaya´s bruises. Even if they were locked in this shed somehow, maybe they could at least get up to get his school bag and the medics.

He wanted to get them, he wanted to treat the raven.

But it was useless.

The door didn´t budge at all.

Frustrated Shotaro pushed and pushed and pushed even more.

Until he finally realized just why that door didn´t budge at all.

True, there was no lock on that door. It was just a heavy plate of wood layed on top of this room, but there was a bookshelf in the room above them.

They moved it over the entrance.. for sure.

Frustrated he let himself slump down to the floor. They were caught in here.

Again.

And couldn´t do a single thing.

Frustrated, he hit onto the ground with his fist, only to flinch from the pain it caused.

How?!

How were they supposed to escape…?!

Suddenly he heard some rustling behind him.

He turned around quickly, only to see Izaya trying to get up. A pained expression was settling on his face and Shotaro quickly moved over to him.

He had a broken leg for fucks sake why did he even try to get up?!

He grabbed his shoulders and forced the raven down again.

Izaya flinched and blinked, looking up at the boy.

"We have to get out of here. You tried to move the door, right? I tried that alone too, but it didn´t work, so maybe together we can do it." he suggested, explaining why he had gotten up.

Shotaro however just shook his head and instead sat down next to the raven.

Izaya looked at him confused.

"No? Why not? We don´t know until we try." He complained. But the pipsqueak still kept shaking his head.

He wished he could tell Izaya that the bookshelf had probably been moved over the entrance. But like this he could only try to make the raven understand by shaking his head.

"…. Not possible…?" Izaya suddenly asked, trying to find out what his friend was going on about. Shotaro nodded this time and Izaya leaned back against the wall with a sigh. He didn´t get why, but it seemed Shotro had seen something that he didn´t.

"…so we are trapped in here… again…" he mumbled, his eyes closing.

This time Shotaro didn´t nod. He knew the question was only meant rethorical.

"… how much longer until they kill us…?" Izaya suddenly whispered, making the pipsqueak look shocked at him.

"Today? Tomorrow? Maybe in a week?" he asked, his voice tremling and before he knew it he could feel salty tears drop down his cheeks once more. He didn´t know what was more frightening… to die.. or to stay longer trapped inside this room with those three guys.

"I don´t want this anymore.." Izaya hiccupped, his voice breaking down under his sobs.

Shotaro sniffed, his own eyes turning watery and he moved over, wrapping his arms around the trembling figure.

He hadn´t given up yet.

It was obvious that Izaya had. But Shotaro hadn´t given up yet. There had to be a way for them to escape.

Somehow. Once those guys returned. Maybe Shotaro could try to flee. Maybe he would slip past them. Probably not with Izaya, but alone he could maybe make it.. if he chose a moment where they didn´t pay too much attention… then maybe..

He hadn´t given up yet. And he wasn´t going to, never.

He tapped the raven on his shoulders.

Sniffing the raven looked at the pipsqueak, only to see him drag his index finger along the floor. Dust had settled on it and the spots where he dragged his finger along left behind a line. And then another until the raven realized that the pipsqueak was in fact writing.

One line after the other he drew neatly in the dust until Izaya could read what was standing there.

-It´s going to be okay.-

His eyes teared up and he hiccuped trying to hold them back.

"It´s not..." Izaya cried, tears dripping down his cheeks. But Shotaro shook his head vehemently, just pointing at the letters again.

No.

No he wasn´t going to give up. He would get them both out.

"But-" Shotaro didn´t even let him finish his sentence and just hugged him tight. Pointing at the words over and over again.

It´s going to be okay.

It´s going to be okay.

It´s going to be okay.

He just hugged the raven and held him close, interrupting him when he was going to say it wouldn´t be okay over and over.

Until his sobs subsided.

Waiting, until he fell asleep.

Just hugging him tight.

He was going to save him. Somehow.

He was going to find a solution.

He curled up around the raven and hugged him tight.

He was going to save Izaya.

-Izaya´s point of view. 9pm.-

"Awww look at these cute little shits~!" startled Izaya´s eyes shot open and he gasped. Something ice cold had splashed into his face.

What-?!

Confused he looked around, only to find himself trapped in his friend´s arms. Opposite to him, Shotaro was awake and glaring up at the three guys.

They were standing above them. Kawashi was holding a now empty bucket.

"All curled up and stuff, slept well~?" he grinned, throwing the bucket away.

Shivering Izaya watched the guys.

He couldn´t stop the trembles. His body hurt.

He… he didn't want to go up there anymore. He didn't want to-

Please just…

Shotaro frowned when he felt the raven´s grip tighten on his shirt.

"Kawashi, get our little Izaya-kun up here~" Hono suddenly ordered, only for the guy to grin.

No.

Instantly Shotaro let go of Izaya and jumped up form his seat, moving in front of the raven.

He wouldn´t let them hurt Izaya any more.

Kawashi glared at the pipsqueak. "Oi, move away kid."

Not today. Yesterday he passed out and Izaya had to take all this pain for him. He wouldn´t let him get hurt any more today.

Izaya glanced at Shotaro worried.

"Shotaro it´s fine, move away." He mumbled, trying to get up, frowning pained. But Shotaro just pushed him down by his shoulders once more and shook his head before glaring up at the ice bue eyed guy.

"Ohhh, I like those eyes~" Hono grinned and crouched down.

"Kawashi I changed my mind, let´s play with our little hero here first~" he grinned.

Immedaitely he felt a hand grip the hem of his shirt and lift him up.

Kawashi was the one who had dragged him out and Shotaro glard at him as well.

His eyes were darting around quickly.

Scanning his surroundings.

Maybe there was a chance to flee today.

But no, the bookshelf that had been moved over the little room was now standing in front of the door again.

It was too heavy to move.

He wouldn´t be able to flee. Neither alone, nor with Izaya…

He swallowed the lump that had built in his throat and tried to maintain his cool.

He couldn´t freak out now.

"Now then little hero let´s start the game~"

Suddenly there was a pained scream and Shotaro twisted his head around, only to see Izaya getting dragged by Michiru out of the little room as well.

His eyes widened and he snapped it around to look at Hono-

"Oh, don´t worry, he will just watch for now~" the guy smirked, almost as if he had read Shotaro´s thoughts.

"Now then, keep ahold of his arms and legs, Kawashi."

The guy grinned and before Shotaro knew it his arms had been forced backwards on his back and he was kneeing on the floor.

Frowning he glared up at the guy.

"Now~" Hono grinned, and approached the little kid, a knife in his right hand.

"You think you can save your little friend by scarificing yourself, hmm~?" he asked smirking and softly dragged the knife along Shotaro´s chest, not cutting yet.

The kid swallowed but didn´t do anything. Neither nod nor shake his head.

He had no intention of interacting with this crazy guy at all.

"You must really like your friend if you do this for him." Hono laugh crazily, and slashed his knife along Shotaro´s chest.

His expression contorted and he bit his lips, trying to ignore the pain.

Warm blood was slowly dripping down his body.

Izaya´s eyes went wide and he tried to stand up, but the fat guy was still holding him down.

"Shotaro-" He mumbled desperate, his eyes getting teary again.

"So sweet. How admirable of you." Hono laughed and slashed him again, once twice, thrice.

Shotaro squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the pain. He was doing this for Izaya.

He had to take this.

"Well, but you know, I hate to say it, but no matter how hard you try you won´t be able to save your friend." Hono suddenly grinned, making Shotaro´s eyes snap back open.

"I´m sorry, but you have seen our faces, we can´t let you live anyway~"

And with that he suddenly turned around, away from Shotaro, and faced the little raven.

Izaya´s eyes went wide and he tried to move away, but Michiru was still holding him down-

Shotaro screamed something that was supposed to be an insult and tried to move away from Kawashi, tried to kick him or get over.

He wanted him to stay away from Izaya!

Stay away-!

But Hono just laughed and crouched down in front of the little raven, then tilted his head to shortly glance at the pipsqueak.

"You see, Shotaro-kun, you can´t save him-"

And then he brought the knife down.

Izaya´s eyes went wide-

His mouth opened for a silent scream, but no sound escaped.

Shotaro´s mouth opened and he screamed unintelligible sounds.

That bastard had stabbed Izaya into the stomach-

Blood streamed down, colouring Izaya´s pale skin.

It hurt-

Laughing maniacally he tightened his grip around the knife and pulled it out again.

Crimson splattered on the floor, and Michiru let go of the raven, leaving him to drop down to the floor.

Izaya´s sight went black.

He didn´t even feel it anymore when his body hit the ground.

The pain was too much to take.

Shocked, Shotaro stared at the now not longer moving figure on the ground.

No-

"Ahhh, how easy it´s to stab flesh. Seriously the human body is so.. fragile." Hono laughed and kicked the raven in his stomach but he didn't move.

"Oi, that kid passed out again." Michiru commented, pulling the raven´s head up by his hair.

NO-

Tears of frustration dripped down Shotaro´s face.

This wasn´t what he wanted..

"Seriously? This is getting boring." Kawashi complained and let go of Shotaro.

Instantly the pipsqueak tore himself away and stumbled over to the raven.

Michiru let go of Izaya´s head and Shotaro shoved up Izaya´s shirt.

Shocked his hands started to shiver.

This… this looked really bad.

Really bad-!

"Hmmm… you have a point. That kid always passes out so quickly." Hono threw in nonchalantely and glanced at the two kids.

"Maybe we should kill Izaya-kun off?"

Shotaro´s blood froze and for a second it seemed as if time had stood still.

His head snapped towards the guy so hard it hurt himself-

Kill him?!

"Yeah, maybe you are right. He is pretty much useless now and he won´t survive with that cut too long anyway."

NO!

They couldn´t kill him! Not Izaya!

"I think we should play a game~" Hono suddenly suggested, looking at the obviously panicking pipsqueak.

And suddenly there was a gun.

"How about we make that little kid shoot his friend~?" Hono grinned and looked at Shotaro.

His eyes went wide.

And his mind was blank.

He wanted-

"Ahahaha, man that idea is evil, even for you Hono." Kawashi commented and grinned at the pipsqueak.

NO-

Furious Shotaro jumped up from the floor and dashed straight towards Kawashi, trying to kick him to hit him-

He didn´t even know what he was doing, he just wanted … he..

He didn´t want Izaya do die-

And suddenly there was a foot connecting with his stomach making him drop to the floor coughing.

"Seems he doesn´t like your idea, Hono." Kawashi laughed.

Crying Shotaro sobbed on the floor.

No.

This was just too cruel.

"It almost looks as if that boy would like to change places with Izaya-kun." Hono joked.

And suddenly Shotaro stopped crying.

A last hiccup left his lips and his eyes went wide.

Change places.

If he changed paces with Izaya.

They would make him shoot him instead.

Izaya would live.

Maybe someone would even hear the shot.

But moreover.

He would still have a chance.

He would have a chance to survive a little longer.

Maybe he would even get saved maybe-

And then he turned around and nodded.

Nodded over and over and over again.

Surprised the guys stared at him.

".. did he go insane now or what..?" Kawashi asked not getting what the kid was even doing.

But Hono grinned and evil smirk flashing along his expression.

"No. How interesting. That kid took me serious." He stated, confusing Kawashi more.

"Huh?" but Hono just ignored him and looked at the pipsqueak.

"So, you want to be the one dying in this game, hm?" he asked and Shotaro instantly nodded once more.

If it would save Izaya…

If nothing else could.. then…

"Hah, as if we would listen to you little brat-" a punch connected with his cheek and sent him to the floor.

"No. Actually this sounds even more interesting." Hono commented, crouching down in front of the pipsqueak.

"The heroic boy that tries to save his friend, gets shot by exactly that friend. How ironic." A laugh erupted from his throat.

"Alright. I hope you thought about this. You get to be the one who dies~"

And then he stood up and nodded at Kawashi.

Slowly he moved over to Izaya.

Shotaro… sighed relieved.

He made it…

For once during this whole nightmare he would protect Izaya.

He made it.. …

He sniffed.

I´m sorry…

It´s better that way Izaya.

Tears dripped down his cheeks.

He was scared…

"Wake up you worm-!" Kawashi had yelled the words and kicked Izaya into the stomach. Surprised Izaya´s eyes shot open and he coughed, wrapping his arms securely around his torso.

Fuck it hurt..

God… it still hurt so much…

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to chase the pain away but of course it didn´t work. Especially not when the guy suddenly brought a foot down on his wound.

"Ah-!" he cried out, tears springing to his eyes immediately.

"Princess, wake up~" Hono grinned and approached the raven.

Izaya cringed and tried to move away. But he couldn´t it just hurt so much.

He didn´t even want to anymore.. just..

Tears dripped down his face. He just wanted this to end already….

"12 midnight~" Hono suddenly commented chuckling as he looked at his watch and gripped Izaya´s hair, lifting him up by his head.

"I guess this is a good time for the game to begin." He grinned, only confusing the raven though. Game…?

What the hell did they still plan on doing to him?!

Why weren´t they gone yet.. why..

"How long do you plan to stay here?!" Izaya asked, a broken glare settling on his face. But the answer only confused Izaya even more.

"Oh we aren´t leaving tonight~" they weren´t leaving? Were they going to stay here the entire time?!

But then the continued, a smirk settling on his face.

"Because~ Tonight is the night it will end." He grinned, making Izaya look up at him and frown confused.

The night it will end…?

What did he-

"Ah-!" Suddenly something hard hit him on the head and the grip on his hair loosened, letting him drop to the floor.

"And now, curtains up for the main act~" the crazy guy laughed and suddenly he found himself being shoved backwards.

An arm sneaked around his neck and a knife was held to his throat.

Only for the other to shove something into Izaya´s hands.

Something heavy and cold.

When his eyes fell on it, he froze completely.

It was a gun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of day 4
> 
> Yasssss I end it right there xDDD Sorry cx   
> xDDDDD Well, next chapter is literally the last “day”~ no-one said something about the night, ne~? xD   
> As you may know I just loooovveee missleading my readers~ xDDD Sorry~   
> Ohhhh you will get to know very interesting things next time~   
> And this time for sure xD Next time Izaya´s past talk will end Cx 
> 
> (chapter 31) Day 5- Murderer due to 23rdOctober2015 things are getting serious *^*   
> The final chappy of Izaya´s past *^* *0* xD  
> PS.: I would prepare tissues if I were you- xD
> 
> Well then~   
> See you in the last day chapter~!


	31. Chapter 31: Day 5 Murderer

(Chapter 31)

-PAST-

Day 5- Murderer

\- child Izaya´s point of view. Morning, in the clubroom. Saturday-

Shocked Izaya stared at the cool metallic object in his hand.

"Wha-" he was about to ask, just why-

Why were they giving a gun to him?!

What was he supposed to do with it?!

So many questions started racing through his head, but the knife already pressed down on his throat and he gulped, choosing to keep his mouth shut instead.

A bad feeling coiled in his stomach and he looked at Shotaro. But his best friend was just sitting there. Looking at him with eyes that seemed to know so much more than Izaya.

Why was he looking so sad?

Shotaro frowned, disgusted by how a smirk settled on Hono´s expression when he started talking.

"Izaya-kun~ You know~ I had a wonderful idea before!" Hono started to explain, making the raven shudder in dreadful anticipation.

Just what- what did he plan on doing to them?!

"You see," he continued, sliding the knife along Izaya´s throat only slighty, drawing a thin line of blood as he continued speaking. "You bore me Izaya-kun. You keep fainting, don´t really struggle anymore, basically, you are like a rag doll."

Izaya´s eyes widened-

What-

"It´s just no fun anymore with you here-"

He didn´t like where this was heading at all-

"And you know, I don´t like dealing with boring stuff."

Not at all-

His throat felt like it was being choked as he waited for that knife to do something.

His eyebrows knitted into a furrow.

He knew where this was heading.

Hono wanted to get rid of him-

He wanted to kill him off-

He wanted-

He swallowed, tears springing to his eyes.

He didn´t want to die-

His body started to tremble and he bit his lip, squeezing his eyes shut tight.

He was scared-

"So I thought of a game~"

Until that line dropped.

Surprised Izaya´s body stopped shaking for a second and he tried to glance back at his predator, in vain though.

"… a g-game?" he asked, hoarse, his voice shaking slightly but a feeling of relief washed over him. If he wanted to play a game, then he wasn´t going to kill him yet-

At least that was what he thought.

Suddenly the other two crazy guys started to giggle and smirk at him. "Well you see, I didn´t give you this gun for no reason~" Hono started, slowly brushing with his hands over the cool metal in Izaya´s palms, almost lovingly.

"I want you to entertain me~ Izaya-kun~" Hono grinned, unlocking the gun.

And suddenly his lips were disgustingly close to Izaya´s ear, breathing into them as he whispered: "I want you to shoot your friend~"

Izaya froze at the words.

For a second, his mind was just blank.

Nothing.

He couldn´t even grasp a thought. He couldn´t even grasp what the guy had said just now.

Shoot Shotaro?!

Still shocked his sight fell on his best friend in front of him. A sad smile was resting on his expression and he nodded slowly.

No.

Hono laughed and pulled Izaya´s hand that held the gun up, aiming at Shotaro.

"Well then, let´s play, Izaya~!"

"No!" Izaya´s expression contorted into a desperate one.

He couldn´t do that-!

NO.

Not shotaro-!

He was his friend, he didn´t want him to die.

No!

Hono´s smirk fell a little at the unexpected resistance and he glared at the raven.

"Izaya-kun, don't spoil my game. You have to shoot your friend." He added some pressure to the knife on Izaya´s throat, trying to force the raven to shoot, to make him understand that if he didn´t then it would be his head that would be rolling first.

"Come on, pull the trigger~" he smirked once more.

But Izaya kept his hand frozen in place, still aiming at Shotaro, still feeling the knife at his throat, but he wasn´t going to pull the trigger.

No way.

"No." he cried, tears dripping down his cheeks slowly.

He could never do that.

He couldn´t.

Shotaro was his friend.

Shotaro was his best friend.

"No." he sobbed.

He couldn´t do that.

They would kill him now.

For sure.

But he couldn´t do it.

"Tch, that brat, not entertaining until the end." Kawashi commented annoyed, sitting down in the corner.

"Oi, Kid, if I were you I would just shoot your friend already. You are both going to die anyway." He laughed.

"NO, I won´t shoot him-!" Izaya almost screamed once more.

He was getting hysterical.

He still had that gun in his hands aiming at Shotaro and he wanted to lower it, but Hono kept his hand firm in place.

"I´m not going to shoot Shotaro-!" he cried, trying to pry his hands away from the gun, trying to get that crazy guy to aim at something different.

To stop aiming at the pipsqueak.

But his hand was too strong.

He seriously couldn´t move it. And the cool metal pressing to his throat was hindering any other movements.

Panicking, he looked over to Shotaro.

But he was just sitting there.

The sad expression was still visible on his face, but he tried to cover it up with a smile.

A sad smile.

Izaya´s eyes widened even more, when suddenly he stuck out his hand, and pointed to the floor.

Dragging his finger across the clean ground and pointed towards the secret door.

And for just a second Izaya remembered Shotaro´s words on the dusty floor.

It´s going to be okay.

Then, a nod.

"No…" Izaya whispered. He couldn´t believe it. He didn´t get it.

Shotaro.

Shotaro was basically saying for him to go ahead and shoot him -!

He was basically telling him, that he was okay with dying-!  
"NO!" Izaya yelled, his voice almost reaching a cracking point and Hono glowered at the young raven.

"I won´t kill you Shotaro! Are you insane?!" he almost screamed at his friend, utterly shocked just how he could think he would do that-!

"Well, I would rather say you are the insane one here. You want to die?" Hono asked, pressing down the knife a little harder against Izaya´sneck, making a drop of blood collect in the cut and run down his chest.

Izaya swallowed, shivers running down his spine and looked around feverishly, trying to find a way out of this mess-

Hono just laughed at that behavior and minimized the pressure again.

"See~? You want to live don´t you?"

Izaya just stayed silent. Tears were dripping down his cheek softly as he hiccupped.

He wanted them both to live.

Not just alone.. he wanted them to escape already… together-

"Ne, conceal don´t feel~ That´s the key here." Hono suddenly mumbled into his ear. "I promise you will live a few more days if you do this now for me~" he suddenly whispered into his ear.

Izaya´s eyes widened.

"You will get to live Izaya. We won´t hurt you anymore, you can rest until Tuesday. How does that sound?" Hono asked, his voice taking on a tempting tone.

Izaya blinked a tear away.

School would start on monday again-

The teacher would hear the if they yelled once more!

She would return!

No-

Hono wanted Izaya to kill Shotaro.

She would only hear Izaya.

If he even intended to keep what he was promising.

But no.

Not without Shotaro.

"Ne, Izaya~? What´s your decision?" Hono asked once more, a grin spreading over his face. He was obviously thinking Izaya would shoot his friend.

No way.

NO!

"No! I won´t do it-!" Izaya hissed back, twisting his neck to glare at the guy. But the moment his eyes met Hono´s the knife pressed a little harder onto his throat making him freeze in his movement.

"Then you are going to be shot first-!" he growled, suddenly yanking his hand forward-

He grabbed the gun- the knife fell to the floor with a clattering sound-

He tried to pry it out of the raven´s hand-

Izaya´s eyes widened-

He tightened his grip-

Trying to keep the gun-

He didn´t want to be shot-!

But then-

BANG

Silence.

Suddenly it was quiet.

Quiet.

Smell.

It smelled like powder.

The laughter had stopped.

No.

No, that gun.

That gun shot just now didn´t it-

That sound.

Izaya´s hand was on the trigger.

He wanted to pull his hand away before… he wanted-

He wanted to pull the gun away, so Hono wouldn´t get it-

But he got stuck he-

He had tried to move his hand but it got lodged in that tiny hole when Hono pulled at it-

It shot-

Izaya didn´t want to shoot-

He-

Shotaro-

Suddenly his eyes trailed up.

Slowly.

He didn´t even notice he had been staring at the floor.

It felt like minutes had passed even though it was just a second that had gone by.

He felt numb.

Detached from his body.

Almost, in, what felt to him like slow motion, he lifted his head.

His sight slowly uncovering more of the scenery around him.

Red.

What.. red. Crimson.

There was red, lots of it.

On the floor.

His eyes trailed further up.

It´s flowing. No..

Running down.

What?

Blood.

Blood.  
Everywhere.

It´s blood.

A surprised yet satisfied grin flashed over Hono´s face.

"You killed him, Izaya~"

And then Izaya froze. His eyes fixed on the boy in front of him. On that spot.

That spot… that dark, red spot on Shotaro´s forhead.

No…

"Good work, right between the eyes, hmmm could it be you enjoyed it~?" Hono suddenly laughed. "I would have at least aimed for his heart or something."

Only faintly Izaya could feel how the knife that was held to his troath disappeared. The guy had stood up.

Izaya still couldn´t move.

He was frozen.

He could just stare.

Just stare… at… at his friend..

No...

"Look at all that blood~! Oh my, I think his brains are leaking out~" Hono suddenly laughed, having walked around the boy.

Shotaro… was still sitting there. He didn´t fall down. He was kinda leaned forward, his head hanging low.

His eyes.. no longer focusing on anything anymore.

Only that hand… that hand was still.. still pointing to the floor…

Izaya hiccupped.

It was hard.

Hard to breathe. He felt like suffocating.

Shotaro…

No…

No

No

"Woah, I didn´t think he would actually do it!" Kawashi commented with a whistle.

That´s wrong..

No…

He didn´t…

He didn´t want to-

"Well, guess we should throw him down there as well, before he starts to rot." Hono suddenly declared reaching towards Shotaro´s collar.

No-

Izaya froze.

NO-!

That hand- it reached towards his best friend-

"DON`T TOUCH HIM!" a yell tore from his lips lips and he rose the gun.

And once more.

For just a second he felt detached from his body and time seemed to stand still.

He didn`t even think about what he was doing anymore.

He couldn´t think straight.

He just saw Hono.

That guy.

That monster.

Reaching out for his friend-

He rose the gun before he could even think about what he was about to do.

A single pull.

BANG

And he fired it.

A loud thud was heard.

Only faintly though. His ears were ringing.

He could hear a rushing sound.

The world around him seemed like it spinned as he watched the guy drop to the ground.

Izaya´s hands were still wrapped around the gun.

Not letting go.

It seemed to surreal.

Like he wasn´t actually there.

Like it wasn´t him doing these things.

They just happened.

"You- YOU FUCKING SHOT HIM-!" A yell was to be heard.

Only slowly he moved his head to see Kawashi kneel next to Hono.

The ice blue eyed guy was laying on the ground.

Still.

Not moving.

Another movement suddenly invaded his field of sight and he turned his head.

Michiru was walking towards him.

BANG

Another thud.

He hit?

Red.

Red was there again.

From the fat guy´s stomach.

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" he spotted Kawashi in the corner of his sight.

He had gotten up.

He was running towards him it seemed.

But it seemed so slow.

It didn´t seem like he was running at all, to Izaya.

So slow.

BANG

Thud

He fell.

Red again.

On his thigh this time.

Kawashi´s face contorted into a pained expression and Izaya thought he yelled something, but he couldn´t really hear it.

Hands shot forward and the guy tried to keep himself upright by grabbing the bookshelf. But it didn´t keep standing.

Kawashi was too heavy and so he fell over with the bookshelf on top of him.

It must have made a loud noise.

But Izaya still didn´t really hear his surroundings.

He just wasn´t there.

It just felt like he wasn´t there.

Just the rushing sound in his ears and this silence-

A cold breeze invaded the little room.

The light of the moon shone through the now completely open door.

All of them were on the ground.

Hono.

Kawashi.

Michiru.

Shotaro..

Suddenly Izaya started shaking, really hard. He couldn´t stop the trembles.

".. Shotaro…?"

Only faintly he heard something loud.

Kawashi.

He seemed to be screaming.

But… Izaya didn´t even really notice.

His eyes were fixed on his sleeping best friend.

"Shotaro…"

Only slowly, he began to unfreeze.

His limbs didn´t really listen to him, but he moved them.

He didn´t even feel the pain anymore.

He just moved.

Really slow, he crawled over to Shotaro. The gun still firmly locked in his right hand´s grip.

And so he crawled, until he was sitting right in front of his friend.

Shotaro´s head was still hanging forward.

The body barely sitting upright in place.

One push and it would tilt over like a puppet.

"Shotaro…" quiet, the words dripped from Izaya´s lips.

He looked at his friend without really looking. He just…

"Ne.. say something.." he mumbled.

"… you have to wake up.." he turned his head, looking at the now open door and Kawashi who was laying there on the ground, being crushed by the bookshelf, glaring at the raven.

"We can flee." Izaya suddenly whispered.

"Look." He rose his hand and pointed to the door, then looked back at Shotaro.

"The door is open." Softly he touched Shotaro´s hand.

It was still warm..

"We can get away." He whispered.

"You can go home to your sister.. and mommy." His voice started to crack.

"She has to be worried…" he brushed over Shotaro´s hand.

".. I will go with you… just like you said.." he added.

"I will live with you and your family.. like brothers.."

"Ne, Shotaro…?" he looked up, right into his eyes. But..

"Shotaro… please answer.." Izaya´s eyes glazed over, and he squeezed the still warm hand harder.

But just that tiny movement of Shotaro´s hand was enough... and his body fell over to the ground.

Face first.

And for the first time.. Izaya saw the back of Shotaro´s head..

All the blood..

And then they finally fell.

The many many tears.

Hot and fast they dripped down Izaya´s face and his eyes took on a more alive expression.

And he cried.

He realized.

And sobbed.

He killed him..

He was dead..

He was really dead.

He would never..

He would never talk to him again.. he would never..

Never be that annoying pipsqueak again.. that annoying pipsqueak.. his best friend..

He killed his only friend…

He was dead..

He was gone.

"Shotaro-!" Izaya cried, hiding his face in shotaro´s shirt.

"Shotaro…" he sobbed.

"Wake up!"

It was a desperate cry… he knew.. he knew the pipsqueak would never wake up again..

"Shotaro.."

He continued mumbling his best friend´s name like a mantra.

"I´m sorry", he tightened his grip on Shotaro´s shirt.

"I´m so sorry" his blood soaked shirt…

"Shotaro.."

"Shotaro, please wake up…"

"I'm sorry… Shotaro…"

If he had just…

If he had just shot Hono first .

If he weren´t so weak-

He could still live.

If he had shot the others first then maybe..

He didn't have to kill him.

But he killed him.

He killed him.

He was dead-

It was his fault.

He killed his friend.

He killed him.

If he hadn´t flinched if he..

He wanted Shotaro back…

And then- he ran.

Ran.

Ran despite his broken leg.

Because he just didn´t feel the pain. Not the physical pain.

Away from the still living Kawashi.

Away from the still living Michiru.

And away from the dead corpses.

His dad.

Hono.

… Shotaro..

Away..

Shotaro had wanted to protect him.

And he….?

He killed him.

He killed his best friend.

He killed him even thought he could have avoided it.

-PAST-

-Shiki´s point of view. In an alley-

"This was quite difficult, don´t you think?" Shiki laughed, throwing a glance to his partner.

A rather amused grin was sitting on Mizuki Akabayashi´s face.

"Indeed. But you mastered it nonetheless, no? I do wonder sometimes where you get that kind of information from." He commented, making the executive chuckle amused though.

"Let´s talk about that later, I have some quite interesting details for you as well, you see." He promised, piquing Akabayashi´s interest.

"Hmmm, I look forward to that then."

"Boss-!" suddenly one of Shiki´s men turned around the corner.

"There is a kid with a gun in our base." He announced, making both, Shiki, as well as Akabayashi blink surprised.

"A kid with a gun?"

\- A few minutes later.-

Frowing Shiki looked at the little boy, crouching in the corner.

"He was already there when we came back. And he won´t move, nor lower his gun no matter what we threaten him with. He even shot at one of our men when he tried to approach him."

Who was this kid?

Shiki scanned the raven in front of him.

He didn´t look like he was living on the streets.

More like… he had been through a lot.

He was obviously hurt.

There was blood.

Almost everywhere.

Just what kind of wound or wounds did he have?

Wordlessly, he took a few steps towards the kid.

Immediately, he raised the gun and aimed at his head.

"Boss!"

"Silence." He commented.

CLICK

No "bang" was heard.

"Fools, stay calm. That gun can´t shoot anymore. He ran out of bullets." Shiki explained, crouching down in front of the boy.

Instantly, Izaya´s eyes darted around and he seemed to try and get away, only for his face to contort into a pained expression.

"Boy. How did you get those wounds?" he asked. He wasn´t particularly fond of strays landing in their basements, but this boy had something about him that intrigued him.

"As if I would tell that to anyone from the yakuza."

Shiki blinked at the snarky response.

"I see, you think I´m someone shady. But you know, I could just be a passerby. A businessman. A policeman even." But Izaya shook his head with a snort.

"As if, I saw you in the newspaper once. Haruya Shiki. Executive of the Awakusu-kai, you can´t fool me."

Surprised Shiki stared at the raven intently.

"Heh, how come you know such things little boy?" That article had been printed years ago.

That boy must have been just about ready to read. And yet he remembered such a thing?

"All news are important. Of course I would memorize them."

What an interesting kid.

"What´s your name boy?" he asked, suddenly pulling up Izaya´s shirt. He gasped and tried to move Shiki´s had away with his right arm, but no use.

A whistle was heard.

"Quite the wounds you have there. Plan on dying?" he asked glancing up at the raven.

Izaya gritted his teeth and looked away.

"Izaya… Izaya Orihara." He mumbled, deeming just giving his name would be safe.

"Hmmm, well then, Izaya Orihara, where did you get this gun from?" Shiki asked further, inspecting the metallic object. Izaya kept silent though.

"Where is your family?" he suddenly asked, making Izaya´s ears perk.

… Mairu.. Kururi… grandpa…

"I wonder." He mumbled as response.

No way in hell he would tell that man he had family. He was dangerous. He could see that.

"So you have no place to return to?" Shiki asked while whispering something into one of his men´s ears.

"… no." Izaya mumble, trying to think of a way to get out of here.

"How would you like to become an informant, Izaya-kun?" Shiki suddenly asked, making Izaya blink.

"…Informant?" he asked not getting what that man was talking about.

"Boss?" one of his men asked, but Shiki signed to silence him.

"Indeed. You know Izaya-kun, smart little kids like you are perfect to use for investigation of delicate matters. Moreover-" he pointed at Izaya´s wounds.

"I doubt I would find any kid with a pain endurance as high as yours anytime soon." He commented, making Izaya frown. "Any other kid would be screaming for his mommy by now."

He folded his hands and scanned the raven from head to toe.

"Yet you seem to keep a cool head and remain calm. Ascerning just the important parts of my speech. You would be quite valuable."

Izaya glared at the guy and how he was saying all this things.

He had no idea what he had been through.

Yet he talked like he knew everything.

"And what if I say no?" he hissed, glaring. But Shiki just smiled.

"Oh, I don´t think I can let a jewel as great as you escape now, do I?" suddenly the men, Shiki whispered something into his hear before, came back, doing just the same.

Shiki smiled, having received good news, and patted Izaya´s shoulder.

"Izaya-kun, I think you would gladly work for us, wouldn´t you? Other wise-" he glanced at the raven, intimidating, and Izaya´s eyes widened at his next words.

"- what do you think Mairu and Kururi would say? Orihara Izaya-kun."

\- a few weeks later. Burial. Izaya´s point of view.-

They had found the corpse.

Izaya didn´t know what happened to Hono´s corpse but since they didn´t find his dad either they had surely buried them somewhere…

Kawashi and Michiru that is…

Eyes heavy lidded, he stood on top of the hill.

The burial.. had taken place down there.

Many people came.

Lots from his school, all neatly dressed in black.

Their teacher… the crocodile.

A woman, who appeared to be Shotaro´s mother. She was kneeling in front of the grave by now, crying relentlessy.

The funeral was over.

Izaya had watched as they let the pipsqueak down into the grave. He had apologized… both in thoughts and in words and if it weren´t for the streaming cold rain you could have spotted tears still dripping from his cheeks he bet.

But of course.. he couldn't forgive himself.

He shot Shotaro.

He killed him.

He took this mother´s son away. And now she had to cry.. and deal with the pain..

Next to her there was a little girl.

.. Shotaro´s sister..

She was standing next to her mother and just blankly stared at the now closed grave.

"Mommy when will big brother return?" she suddenly asked, only to cause her mother to cry even more.

Of course she didn´t give an answer. How could she explain to her daughter… that her brother would never come back…?

Izaya didn't know most of the people there.

Except three.

Three that were still standing there and wore a gloom expression.

An old man and two girls.

Izaya´s expression grew soft. They didn´t know Shotaro.. did they?

So why.. did they look so sad? Why were they here?

They were crying even.

Mairu, Kururi, and grandpa.

Something akin to a smile flashed over Izaya´s face when he spotted the old man.

He hadn´t seen him since that incident with his father so… he was glad he was alright.

At least he seemed to be okay.

Shivering Izaya wrapped his arms around himself. A cold wind was blowing and his clothes were soaked.

The wounds he had were almost healed. Only bandages around his waist and the many scars he had carried away were left from this whole nightmare.

Yeah.. nightmares.

Those were haunting him.

Every night.

Ever night he saw how he shot Shotaro. Saw his last smile and his last words directed at him.

"It´s going to be okay."

Over.

And over.

And over again.

"Izaya…?!" startled Izaya´s head snapped up. He didn´t notice he had been staring at the floor.

The one who had called his name- was his grandfather. Almost shocked he was standing there, his siblings turning around to look up the hill as well.

Shit…

Almost instantly the old man dropped his umbrella and started running up the hill.

He wanted to avoid this…

"IZA-NI-!" his sisters were faster than his grandfather, and before he knew it two pairs of arms wrapped around his waist and hugged him tight.

"Iza-ni! You idiot! Where were you?!" Mairu asked, tears gathering in her eyes and she nuzzled into her big brother´s shirt.

"We thought you died too! There were your things in that shed! And blood!" she cried, hot drops wetting Izaya´s shirt.

"Iza-ni, alright?" Kururi asked, sobbing as well but kept her face up, looking into Izaya´s eyes.

But Izaya didn´t react. He turned his face away, trying to avoid his sibling´s glance.

"Iza-ni?" she tilted her head, a worried expression forming on her face.

"Are you okay Iza-ni?" Mairu asked leanig back a bit and wiped away her tears.

"Izaya! Are you hurt?!" His grandpa had reached the top of the hill now as well.

But Izaya still didn´t react. He just turned his head away again. Avoiding their worried glances.

He didn´t need them.

"I´m going to go away. Don´t follow me." Were the only words that spilled from his lips.

Confused his grandpa´s concerned expression moved into a deep frown.

"Going where? Come home with us. Your siblings will be staying with me. And you can too!" He tried to convince him. "I got the welfare rights for all of you. You don´t even have to return to your mother." He grabbed the raven by his shoulders, a smile appearing on his face.

But Izaya´s expression- remained stoic.

He just raised his hands, softly took the hands off him and looked at his confused grandfather.

Cold, expressionless eyes looked at the old man.

"I´m going to leave. Don´t follow me." He repeated once more.

"Iza-ni…?"

He couldn´t return.

He couldn´t.

Just for a second when he glanced at his sisters, his friends worried face flashed through his mind.

Shotaro.

His sister´s expressions.. heh..

They looked similar.

Both worried.

For something like him.

"I hate you two." The words dripped from his lips before he knew it, making his sister´s eyes widen confused.

"I hate all of you." He repeated, looking at his rather shocked grandfather.

"Izaya, what are you saying? What did we do to you? Did something happen?" his grandfather asked, rather worried than mad at the raven.

But Izaya didn't even have time to answer because suddenly there was a car. A black limousine. It had just driven up the hill and stopped behind Izaya.

Izaya knew a well known face was sitting in the back of it. Waiting for him to get into the car.

The hour was over.

"I have to go." he mumbled cold, pushing his sisters away and opened the car´s door.

"Izaya?!" his grandfather called, stepping closer, but a gun aiming at his grandfather from the first window of the limousine made him stop.

Izaya paused for just a second… but…

He couldn´t turn around.

He just couldn´t-

His sisters.

His grandfather.

He wanted them to live.

And after all-

The only reason for Shotaro´s death…

Was Izaya himself.

He slammed the door shut and leaned back into the seat.

It was better that way, right?

Shiki was smoking a cigarette and watched the raven.

Because…

"Are you done now?" he asked the raven only to receive a slow nod.

Conceal don't feel…

…that´s the key, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END of day 5
> 
> Ohohhoho you didn´t see Shiki coming there, ne?
> 
> Well then, please dry your tearssss the sad shit is overrrr
> 
> Shotaro is in heaven *^* Maybe he is Izaya´s uhh guardian angel cx
> 
> Well and now we know how he got involved with Shiki, as well why he turned into that cold masked kind of person Cx
> 
> I hope even through all your tears you still like this chapter cx and hey~!
> 
> Don't fret
> 
> Next time is going to be really, really, really SWEET for once :3
> 
> I think chu need a break after all that stuff and I'm sure you burn to know how Shizuo is going to react to all this cx
> 
> Look forward to:
> 
> Chapter 32: Victim not culprit due to 7thNovember2015~


	32. Victim not culprit

Chapter 32: Victim not culprit

\- Shizuo´s point of view. Their apartment-

He couldn´t believe his ears. For just a second, no, not a damned second, scratch that bullshit. During Izaya´s entire speech about his past about what he said made him a murderer-

He felt like he was in a bad dream.

A nightmare.

One of those where you feel like falling but never crash anywhere.

He couldn´t believe what the raven had told him just now.

Not the fact that he had shot Shotaro- no, it wasn´t even his fault!

He just didn´t get how in the world anyone could be this cruel-

Just what had been wrong with those guys?!

How could they have done this to Izaya?! To a fucking child?!

The mere thought of Izaya having to experience this, of Izaya having to dream about this and live with this memory for so many years alone. Shizuo just felt his blood boild and run cold at the same time.

He had gotten very rarely angry or furious since he had gotten together with the flea, but now he seriously felt like running through the streets and damaging some of the city´s properties all along while going to the places where those exact assholes lived.

He wanted to do things to them he never even thought he would want to do to anyone- so cruel were his thoughts, while his arms just kept their tight lock around the raven´s shivering frame.

If he thought back now-

On all those encounters he had with Izaya- if he had known about all this..

If he had just know… he would have never acted the way he did with him!

It was obvious .. now at least, now it was obvious that Izaya was broken.

He couldn´t imagine how he must have felt. That stupid stubborn louse.

Not telling anyone anything.

Always keeping everything bottled up.

Alone.

In this huge apartment.

Waking up crying and shaking about every night he bet.

If he had just known…

"Tch-" Of course that damn flea with his many masks wouldn´t ever let anything show of what was actually going on with him.

He had never let anyone know anything about him. Always keeping his own troubles a secret, actually keeping people away from him by acting the way he did. Acting the asshole-act perfectly so no-one would even be concerned to ask.

No-one.

Not even him.

The more he thought about it, the more it destroyed him to think about these things.

Izaya was broken. Even more than he had already known he was. He had been his entire life. And he had just shut himself off from the world.

Shizuo was so angry, he felt like hitting himself for not noticing anything.

Why did he even say he hated Izaya the first time he saw him? What even irked him about Izaya…?

…

Maybe it actually was the fact that he was just pretending to be like he was.

He knew he said that on instinct, his gut feeling just told him so, that he wouldn´t like this person.

Not with the way he was acting- ironic.

He couldn´t bear the thought of Izaya having to burden this knowledge or better this feeling of guilt alone for so long.

Tight he kept his arms around the flea, hugging him close as he finished his story.

He was literally sobbing, his body shaking and trembling violently in his hold.

Worse than in the nights where he had woken up crying, worse then when he was crying after those guys tried to cut out his eye.

It literally tore Shizuo´s heart apart.

"That´s… that´s how I started to work… for Shiki.." A broken sob reached his ears and his frown deepened even more as he nuzzled into the raven´s hair.

"It wasn´t even as bad as I thought… Being an information broker... Getting important details…" He was still hiding his face in Shizuo´s shirt.

"It made good money, it.. it distracted me.. of … of remembering.. -" but then he stopped talking and only crying sobs were to be heard anymore.

Small hands found their way to Shizuo´s chest and gripped at the white shirt.

He was scared.

He was a murderer.

He didn´t want to lose Shizuo.

He killed Shotaro.

He told his sisters he hated them.

He left them.

His sisters hated him now.

Shotaro hated him now.

He should be the one dead.

He should have let Hono shoot him that day.

He was scared of them finding him again-

Everything, just everything came breaking down to him.

He had told Shizuo. He had told him what he did.

And he was incredibly scared.

He couldn´t stop the shivers.

Not once had the blond interrupted him when he told him what happened. Not once.

His hands were shaking as he clinged to Shizuo´s shirt. He .. he loved Shizuo…

He seriously did..

He didn´t want to lose him now.

As stupid as it was to cling to this love. To cling to something that could very well end the same way as it did with Shotaro…

But he couldn´t not hang onto it…

Incredible fear was filling him. Even worse than the knowledge that he was a murderer.

He couldn´t live without the blond anymore.

He was pretty confident he couldn´t.

He wouldn´t want to.

He couldn´t stop the tremors.

Everything he had been thinking these past weeks came back haunting him. He never wanted to tell him. He never wanted to drag him into this.

He never wanted to risk losing someone he loved ever again.

And yet he selfishly.. he just..

He didn´t know what to do.

The silence was driving him insane.

He knew Shizuo was waiting for him to say something.

He knew he was waiting if there was more or if he was finally done.

But he couldn´t say anything.

He was too afraid.

Too afraid what the blond would say.

Too afraid he would call him a murderer, too afraid he would say he was too messed up to be with.

Too afraid to hear him say, that they should break up now.

Too afraid to hear him say that he didn´t love him anymore for the things he did.

Too afraid to hear him say… that he should have just died.

He didn´t even know what it was his thoughts were thinking about anymore.

He couldn´t even decide anymore which of his thoughts were bullshit and which of them were valid enough to be considered an option.

His brain was mush.

"Izaya…?"

A shiver wracked his body as the soft voice reached his ears. Tears filled his eyes over and over again. He was surprised he could even still cry after telling him all this.

"..do you … hate me now…?" barely he managed to utter the shaken words, his hands gripping tightly at the blond´s shirt.

He didn´t know what else to say.

He couldn´t think of any question of anything that would wrap up all these thoughts in his head.

So he just went with this.

Shizuo´s eyes only went wide in confusion at the question.

"What?" he asked, his grip tightening around the raven a little bit.

"Why would I hate you?" he asked, honestly not getting just what the hell the raven was thinking.

But Izaya didn´t answer.

The only thing disrupting the silence were the sobs of the raven.

He could feel the hot tears soaking his shirt.

He was breaking down.

He couldn´t do this anymore.

He had always held back.

At all times.

He had always masked his feelings.

Ignored them.

Tired to push them back into his mind.

Everyday he woke up from another nightmare, each time picturing the same scenes, he tried to forget.

To ignore.

And he was done with it.

"I killed him Shizuo…" he sobbed, the words barely forming by his lips. "I killed my best friend.. I shot him!" his voice suddenly grew stronger, yelling, yelling as if he was yelling at himself for what he did.

"I made it so his sister would never have a big brother anymore! I was at fault that his mother didn´t have a child anymore! It was my fault he died Shizuo! I killed him!" hot tears spilled form his eyes as he squeezed them tightly shut.

"I always… I always pretended it wasn´t my fault…" his voice had grown silent again. "I always pretended, that it wasn´t my fault… Always told myself it was Hono… but you know Shizu-chan…" he whispered, barely audible.

"…I pulled the trigger.. I should have died that day!"

Shizuo´s eyes widened and he pushed the raven away-

Izaya´s eyes snapped open, widened in dread, fear, understanding- as his expression turned into a pained one.

After all…

Who would want a murderer as disgusting as him?

But then strong hands found their grip around his shoulders again, making him look back at the blond.

"Izaya-!"

And then he thought his eyes were tricking him. The look Shizuo gave him…

It didn´t look like he was disgusted, it didn´t even look like he was angry.

Not even that.

It looked pained, it looked as if he were on the verge of crying himself.

"You are not a murderer!" he almost yelled, in the same voice as Izaya before.

"Nothing of this was your fault!" but Izaya just frowned at that, his expression churning in pain. What the hell was he talking about?

Did he even listen?!

"I killed Shotaro, Shizuo! I killed him!" he yelled back.

"Nothing of this was your fault!" he repeated again, the grip around his shoulders just tightening a little at that, making the raven flinch.

His expression fell as he realized he was gripping the raven too hard-

Quickly he let go of him.

His thoughts were racing.

I should have died that day!

The sentence kept repeating and repeating in his head and for a second he just didn´t know what to do.

Fuck it he wasn´t Izaya! He didn´t know what he was thinking at all! Except that he believed it was all his fault- but he didn´t get why!

Just what did he have to do to make Izaya understand?!

He knew strength wouldn´t help here, not hurting Izaya, nor yelling at him-

Fuck he knew it and still-

How the hell was he supposed to make Izaya understand?!

He didn´t even know if the raven noticed it anymore by now, but he was still crying.

He was just sitting there, staring at him, his eyes looking more dead than alive, and waiting.

Waiting for Shizuo´s reaction.

Shizuo couldn´t even begin to think about what this must have done to Izaya over the years.

But now… now he had finally opened up to him.

He doubted that raven ever told anyone else.

He was the only one- he had to make the raven understand-

"Izaya… please…" softly he reached out his hands, cupping Izaya´s face gently.

Right now… he looked like the broken and beaten child Shizuo had pictured as he told him about those days.

Tears were still dripping down Izaya´s face, and he could feel the hot water travel down his hands.

"Please… please listen to me now, okay?" he pleaded, leaning forward a bit and kissed Izaya´s forhead softly, his eyes squeezing shut in a pained expression for just a second, before he looked Izaya into the eyes once more.

"It was not your fault, Izaya." he tried, speaking softly, and slowly, but the raven didn´t even want to listen.

He just let his eyes travel down, tears sticking to his lashed and dropping as he spoke.

"It´s always my fault Shizu-chan..." he whispered. "No matter who I am with, they get hurt eventually…" he mumbled quiet, making Shizuo frown.

"That´s not true, Izaya." A frown appeared on Izaya´s face, but soon enough disappeared as he glanced up at Shizuo, the sad expression dominating his face again.

"Everyone Shizuo! Everyone gets hurt. Even you did!"

"Me?" Shizuo asked confused, from all the things he did to Izaya and remembered, he couldn´t think of any moment where Izaya seriously hurt him.

But the raven could it seemed and just nodded.

The memories came flying back to him as if they took place just yesterday.

"On the ship…" he mumbled, his expression contorting.

He could remember the blood.

That fucking huge amount of blood.

He could remember how Shizuo had fallen over… bleeding..

Panting-

He wasn´t moving. His wound didn´t stop bleeding.

At that moment…

"…at that moment…" he mumbled quietly. "When you broke down and that shot was so damn near your heart.." his voice broke and a sob ecaped his lips.

"I thought you would die too-" he cried, squeezing his eyes shut once more. "I thought you would die..! I seriously thought you would die… you would die because of me…!" he sobbed, tears flowing harder.

Shizuo wiped them away with his hands, trying to make the raven look at him.

"Izaya, I´m okay! See? That was long ago! It didn´t even sting remember?" but he didn´t even listen to him.

"It was horrible.. I thought I was going to lose you… I thought.-" a tremble wracked his body.

"Izaya.. Izaya calm down." The raven was sobbing so hard Shizuo couldn´t understand his words anymore.

"Izaya-"

"I thought you would die… I thought you would- … just like Shotaro.. I though-"

"Izaya-" enough. He couldn´t stand it anymore. He couldn´t stand Izaya talking like this.

He couldn´t stand hearing anymore of Izaya´s pain-

Quickly he leaned forward and captured the raven´s lips in a gentle kiss.

Slightly surprised Izaya blinked at the action, but Shizuo wasn´t going to let him talk, wasn´t going to let him continue to drown in these kind of thoughts.

"Stop-" Shizuo pleaded softly, before latching onto his lips once more, taking the opportunity of Izaya´s slightly parted lips to deepen the kiss. The raven flinched a little and he played around with his tongue, coaxing the raven to kiss back.

He needed the raven to listen to him. He needed him to calm him down.

At least a little bit, so he could comprehend what Shizuo was saying.

Only slightly he played with Izaya´s tongue, letting his arms getly brush over Izaya´s upper arms in an attempt to comfort him.

Only when he felt the raven gradually cease shaking and kiss back, he paused the kiss, gently licking Izaya´s lower lip before pulling away. Izaya´s eyes fluttered back open and he looked at the blond.

Partly in confusion.. partly … relieved…? No that´s not quite it, but something similar to it.

Shizuo kissed him…

He somehow wasn´t able to grasp yet, why the blond was not in the slightest angry.

Why he was not… he didn´t know.

He didn´t even know what he had expected him to do after he told him everything.

For the first time this evening Izaya was actually intending to listen to what Shizuo had to say.

Softly the blond wrapped his arms around the smaller frame and pulled him into a hug.

"Izaya… I didn´t die." He started, making the raven flinch slightly at the words, while stroking the raven´s hair.

"I got shot, yes. But I didn´t die. And the fact that I was shot was not your fault." Izaya blinked, trying to protest, but in the last second Izaya decided to keep his mouth shut.

No. He would listen.

He knew what he was thinking himself. He knew what he had been thinking his whole life.

Now it was time to hear what someone else had to say.

"I wanted to save you at that time Izaya. I wanted to protect you- Izaya, it wasn´t your fault that Shotaro is dead." Izaya´s eyes widened in confusion and he gripped the blond´s shirt, that had somehow found a way into his hands, tighter.

"It was Hono who brought the gun, it was him who pulled at it to get it back from you. The fact that your hand happened to get stuck and pull the trigger by accident was not your fault Izaya." Shizuo spoke further, making that raven´s brown furrow into a frown.

"You did not shoot Shotaro. It was Hono." He whispered, hoping that the raven would get what he said.

Izaya didn´t know what to believe anymore.

His memories as a child, and his thoughts from then, but also his knowledge and common sense now were practically fighting against each other.

He had always been convinced that he had killed Shotaro.

And he had always denied it with exactly those excuses….

… or were they not excuses… ?

"No-one will get hurt just because they got involved with you. Nothing of what happened was your fault, Izaya." Shizuo said again, tightening his hug around the shivering flea.

He could tell that he had stopped crying.

… but he didn´t know whether this was a good or bad sign.

He was afraid…

Afraid to let go of the raven and look into his eyes, only to see him return a dead stare.

A hopeless one… like before..

"Nothing" he repeated, softly pushing the raven away a little so he could look into his face.

He looked awful. Beaten, exhausted, just.. done. But the expression in his eyes… it wasn´t hopeless-

It was thoughtful.

"Do you understand..?" he asked softly, brushing over Izaya´s cheek. The raven blinked a little at that and looked down.

Trying to sort his thoughts.

Now he was here.

And Shizuo was telling him what he had told himself his entire life to get rid of this guilty feeling.

But weren´t they just excuses?

Didn´t the blond just want to comfort him?

…no.

Shizuo wasn´t one to lie or say thigns that weren´t true to make someone feel better.

Shizuo wasn´t like Izaya.

He wasn´t going to use nice words to cover up a lie.

But then… it was the truth what he was saying?

He was not at fault…?

"I´m not… you mean.. he didn´t die because of me…?" the thought seemed strange to him, the question itself even stranger.

Shizuo nodded once more and continued his ministrations, softly wiping a tear away from Izaya´s cheek with his thumb.

"I´m … not at fault…?" the raven repeated again and then he felt himself being tugged forward into a tight hug.

"You never were Izaya." Shizuo said firmly.

And then he cried.

Again.

"Shh, it´s alright, Izaya.." Shizuo tried to comfort his lover, who could just hide his face in Shizuo´s shoulder while the tears were rolling.

"I thought… I always thought.. it was my fault.. and then.. he even said it today.." the raven sobbed.

Gradually, but slowly he was able to think a little more clearly, again.

Right.. who had even made him think about this again?

Kawashi.

He had told him he was at fault, tried to convince him he deserved to be hurt because of what he did.

He had been lying. Of course he had.

Frowning Shizuo glanced at the raven.

"Who said what?" he asked, not getting what the raven was talking about.

Only then he remembered what the flea had said before.

Just how he had found Izaya, the call, and what he had said then.

That he thought they would get him-

"Izaya, what happened today?" he asked quickly, sudden dread filling him at the thought of what had made the raven become like this in just a few hours.

A moment of silence filled the room and Shizuo swore it drove him insane how the raven had shut up for a second and glanced at him with that fearful look in his eyes.

"Izaya, please tell me!" Shizuo pleaded, making the raven bite his lip.

"It´s just.. I…"he shut his eyes, close. "I met them today.." Shizuo stared at the raven slightly confused.

"Who did you meet Izaya?"

"…Michiru and Kawashi…" Shizuo felt his blood freeze as those two names slipped from Izaya´s lips.

No-

"What did they do?!" he asked instantly, remembering how beat up he had found the flea in that alley. He would kill them-!

He would-

"They tried to get me… they said I deserved some punishment for what I did… they said.. they said they wanted to play with me-" Shizuo´s gritted his teeth and he could swear he felt that imaginary thread of sanity snap in that moment-

He would kill them-

He would fucking MURDER them-!

Izaya was crying once more in his arms, but this time it was clearly out of fear.

It was because he was afraid-

"Kawashi even hinted that… that I look different, and that he would want.. to make it more fun…" he whispered softly only making Shizuo perk his ears more.

"More fun?!" he asked, furious, not getting just HOW, how anyone could be this messed up!

"What do you mean, what did they say they would do to you?!" Izaya swallowed hard… he didn´t even know why,… but he felt dirty for even saying what they wanted to do to him-

"…he got an erection-"

Shizuo felt his blood run cold and skin crawl-

"Izaya, did he do anything to you?!" Izaya shook his head quickly, but he was still trembling.

"…no… he tried but- I managed to get away.. I thought, they are gonna get me again, Shizuo…" he suddenly whispered, squeezing his eyes shut- "then they won´t ever let me leave.. and… I didn´t want that, I was just so… so scared."

"Fuck.. I´m killing him, I´m fucking murdering him! Izaya it´s alright now-" he hugged the raven tightly. But he just continued to sob.

"He told me that I deserve to be hurt for what I did.. that… I´m the murderer.."

"And you believe him!? A guy that is obviously insane!"

Heh… how come the blond could make him see how stupid that sounded?

…

Shizuo sighed and hugged the raven tight.

"Izaya… It´s alright. I won´t ever let that happen I won´t let them lay even one finger on you.

They won´t hurt you ever again; I promise." He mumbled, tightening his hold around the flea.

"But what if they hurt you instead…?"Izaya questioned, his own hold on Shizuo tightening.

He couldn´t help but imagine… Imagine Shizuo laying there one day.. dead.

In some alley, because of him.

"They won´t." Shizuo reassured the raven firmly.

"But.."

"You aren´t going to lose anyone anymore Izaya. … Please don't be so scared…" Shizuo interrupted him.

"You have tried killing me for years and no-one ever succeeded. I will be there, I won´t disappear. Okay?"

Izaya blinked, but finally nodded.

"Okay.."

Shizuo sighed relieved and tugged the raven´s head close, nesting it under his chin.

The clock on the nightstand showed that it was almost 1 am.

He leaned forward and kissed the raven´s forhead softly, cuddling him close.

"You should rest now." He mumbled quiet, stroking the raven´s dark hair.

Izaya let his eyes slip close at the comforting action.

Yeah.. maybe that was a good idea.

He felt exhausted… he had cried so much.

He had cried for his whole life´s worth.

"Okay.." he answered, nuzzling into Shizuo, making the blond smile softly.

Finally.. he had calmed down.

Calmed down enough to stop crying and shivering.

Inhaling deeply Izaya took in the soothing scent of nicotine and sweets.

And for the first time in years he felt safe.

He felt like he was at peace.

And with that he fell asleep, finally- without nightmares.

-In a peaceful area of Ikebukuro. Night. Izaya´s grandpa´s point of view-

"Can you see them?" Anxiously the little girl squeezed her grandpa´s hand, staring outside the window.

It was dark- the street lamp in the corner of the street barely illuminated the street down the road. She couldn´t see the source of her fear, but then again, she knew they were there anyway-

"Yeah, Mairu… I can see them quite well." The old man let her know, tightening his grip around the suitcase in his hand and softly, almost encouraging squeezing his grandchild´s hand back.

Today was the day.

He didn´t know what his grandson was planning… Or better, he did know. And he begged to heaven that he wouldn´t get hurt.

There they were, the two watchers. He couldn´t actually see them, he had just noticed the shadows of them in a corner of the street before.

The slight gleam of a cigarette in the dark had given them away.

Well not that that was anything to be happy over.

They had guns. The moment Torakichi and his granddaughters would step out of the house they wouldn´t hesitate to shoot.

They had made that pretty clear last time-

He didn´t even need to go up close to them to see that they had guns with them again. They always had them now. Always, ever since he met up with Izaya in that bar.

The raven was being watched. He just knew it. Because it was too convenient for them to suddenly start wearing guns around them and not take the money anymore, right at that time.

He felt Kururi nudge close to him as he closed the curtains of his window.

Izaya said today was the day.

Within three days he should grab the girls and run. Flee to Russia, visit his old friend Boris as he said.

While he….

"Grandpa… is Izaya going to be okay…?" the old man flinched at the question and looked down at Kururi. She was sitting on the floor and had wrapped her arms around her knees in an attempt to comfort herself.

He felt Mairu let go of his hand and scurry over to hug her sister.

"I don´t know, Kururi. I don´t know." Torakichi mumbled worriedly. He knew how much their big brother meant to them. If just he could let Izaya know that too…

But he knew he would just hurt him with it.

At times it´s better to believe someone hates you than to know how much they care.

Speaking about knowledge-

… Izaya had ordered an assassin to take care of Shiki. He just knew it. There was no other explanation for this situation.

There was just no way to get out of this without getting rid of the source of the problem.

And he dreaded what would happen if Izaya failed.

Suddenly there was a loud noise outside-

The girls jumped surprised and got up from the floor- Quckly they scurried over to the window- it sounded like shots!

Within seconds Torakichi had shoved that curtain aside, only to reveal something that he seriously didn´t think he would see today.

The two watchers- were laying on the ground.

Not moving.

One man was standing next to them, a gun in his left hand and as if on cue, he suddenly turned around and looked right at Torakichi-

And then he nodded.

The old man understood.

"Mairu, Kururi-! Grab your things!" he ordered them, quickly stepping forward, and opened the door.

The car he had leased today was already standing right in front of the house. Everything went fast, he could hear the girls get out of the house and shut the door quickly.

Glancing over to the two now dead predators he could see that unknown man drag them into an alley. What he was going to do with them there was a riddle to him, but none he was interested in solving now.

Quickly he shuffled to the back of the car, throwing his luggage inside and taking the bags Mairu and Kururi gave him.

He noticed their anxious glances around the dark street and quickly shut the trunk, walking to the driver´s side of the car and sat down.

A sense of vertigo washed over him and he couldn´t help but smile-

It seemed Izaya´s plan was working! And if it really was- they would return to be like they were in the old days right?

His sisters and him, they could finally-

Suddenly his thoughts stopped and his stare on the backmirror of his car widened.

There was a shadow running down from the back of the street.

A man- he was running towards them-

"Mairu, Kururi!" he swiftly turned in his seat, almost yelling at the two-

The girls were just getting on the right side of the car, ready to get onto their seats-

Just inside and they could flee-!

Just inside and then-

PANG-

And then time seemed to stand still-

He hadn´t even noticed how that guy had pulled out a gun.

He didn´t see it-

Crimson-

That was what he saw.

And the two girls.

Both staring in shock at each other-

One of them starting to sway, to try hold onto the car, trying to say something, before she fell down to the cold pavement.

Laying there, not moving.

Torakichi was frozen in his seat.

The sister was dropping to her knees, hovering over her other half.

And then a scream tore through the night-

"KURURI!"

C: Ahahahaha I am meann~

So, well.. this was the last chapter before the shit storm xD Be prepared the end phase is starting. These are so going to be my favourite chapters hehe cx

Oh and stupid little me just realized that this story is not 38 chapter long but only 37 xD Oops- xD So hey~

Chapters left: 5

Look forward to:

Chapter 33: Approaching disaster due to 6thDecember2015~ Cx

See you there~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating earlier- I kinda forgot to update here and only did at fanfiction.net xD


	33. ஜ Approaching disaster ஜ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helllooooooo there minnaaa -Finally ;^;
> 
> Sighs I got a problem guyssss- I lost my inspiration for this story ._.
> 
> seriously
> 
> Oh well. I will still write this until the end I guess. But I think like this - It´s going to take long while
> 
> I haven´t updated in ages though, and FINALLY I managed to finish this crappy chapter, so heyyyy- I thought I would at least leave you this here along with an explanation why I´m taking so LONG on this while on the other hand I´m updating "The wish to disappear" continuously.
> 
> Dunno maybe it´s cuz only 4 chapters are left or something- pffft I don´t know.
> 
> – seriously, I wrote on this thing for a whole year now- and towards the end I get writers block xc
> 
> Also, my finals are in the last two weeks of January, just saying cuz I guess I won´t post any chapters there- most probably- let´s see cx
> 
> Well with that being said, here you have the chappy you have been waiting for cx
> 
> And thank you, my lovely beta who corrected it for me, nephillim~ :3 She found so MANY MISTAKES- I´m embarassed- xD
> 
> Enjoy~!

\- Shizuo´s point of view. Their apartment-

Softly, Shizuo brushed over the raven´s dark hair.

It was morning.

After the raven had finally fallen asleep next to him, he had soon drifted off as well.

And now?

He was just staring at the person next to him.

The person that he thought he had known for so many years, since highschool.

The person that he thought he downright hated, despised.

And now?

Softly, he pressed his lips against his sleeping lover´s forhead.

He couldn´t really imagine a world without Izaya, even before he started to discover the raven´s real nature.

Now, he couldn't even begin to think it was possible to exist in a world without Izaya by his side.

He loved him.

He loved everything about him.

And those bastards…

To be honest, he had always thought he was a rather calm and collected man. Well, apart from his little city destroying habit; but, actually, he had always thought he was peaceful at mind at least.

He wanted to do things to these guys, so fucked up- he started to get slightly scared of himself.

He didn´t know he could have thoughts that violent.

A sudden movement snapped him out of his thoughts and he found himself looking into piercing crimson eyes that watched him.

"Good morning." He smiled quietly, reaching out to brush over the raven´s cheek softly.

"…morning." The raven mumbled, avoiding Shizuo´s glance slightly. Shizuo leaned forward, kissing the raven´s forhead just once more.

"Are you alright?" he asked, looking at the raven concerened. Yesterday night, he did convince him that he wasn´t at fault for anything that happened during those days.

But who knew how Izaya was thinking about that matter today.

He felt relief wash over his body when the raven finally nodded.

Hands were suddenly gripping onto his shirt and he blinked.

"…I cried a lot didn´t I…?" The sad smile that forced itself on Izaya´s lips when he said that, made him frown.

"That´s alright, Izaya." he said, wrapping his arms around the smaller frame.

"It seriously is." He repeated once more, just to make sure the raven really heard him and nuzzled into his hair.

But he knew that the raven had sort of a problem showing his feelings altogether.

He could feel the rough bandages against his skin and see soft redish spots on them- a sign that they had been bleeding at night- as he wrapped his arms around his lover.

For something that felt like a few minutes, he just hugged the raven, not saying a word, just letting him rest against his chest.

He didn´t mind the silence.

There were these moments with Izaya- sometimes in the morning, or just randomly- where they could just sit next to each other and literally speak nothing; and yet he felt the silence itself expressed so much more.

Just like now.

And even though Shizuo didn´t know it, Izaya felt the same way.

Izaya really loved the blond for being like this. For not asking or saying too much.

Words- really- could wear someone down.

Too many had he heard - from all kinds of people. They always felt the need to talk.

So, the silence was really comforting for now.

He needed this touch- This feeling of Shizuo just being there for him.

A little sigh left his lips, but it wasn´t a heavy one, but, rather, one that felt like something had been lifted off his chest.

Everything was alright now.

It wasn´t like they knew where he lived.

If anything, he could rat them out now and make their lives hell.

Everything was alright.

A little smile rested on his lips when he leaned back a little, loosing their embrace just enough, so that he could look into his eyes)

Even if he met Kawashi, and yeah, he was terrified… but it wasn´t okay to let his old fears take over like this.

Really.

….

"… to be honest... I feel kind of stupid right now... because I panicked like that." He said, seriously meaning it.

He felt now, as if his fear wasn´t justified- at least not to that extend.

He had seen it himself, hadn´t he? The building- the one he had been trapped in- it wasn´t a place that he couldn´t escape by now.

"Don´t feel stupid, if it´s the way you feel, then it is not stupid." The blond mumbled suddenly, making the raven blink.

Heh.

He smiled and leaned forward, kissing the blond, this time softly.

He loved Shizuo for being like this.

"Got it." he answered, before suddenly rolling around and getting out of bed.

The blond blinked at the quick movement.

"Running away now?" he asked, tilting his head, but the smile resting on his lips told that he was just joking.

Izaya laughed.

"Only if you chased me again." Shizuo grinned, getting out of bed as well.

"Of course I would." And cirled his hands around the raven´s waist, pulling him close. "Ne Shizu-chan, I was actually intending to go shower, you know." Izaya chuckled, finding himself locked in the man´s hug.

"Hmmmm, nah you are fine flea. Let´s just cuddle some more." Izaya snorted.

"What are you? A cat?" Shizuo grinned, but then he let his eyes trail down the raven´s body.

…

There were way too many scars and injuries on that skin of his for his taste.

"Do they still hurt?" Izaya blinked, having expected the blond to say something else and looked at the various bruises.

They were quite large- and spread all over his body-

But the raven shook his head in denial.

"I´m fine. They don´t really hurt much." He assured the blond with a smile.

A sort of frown appeared on Shizuo´s face at the response, though and Izaya laughed, turning around within the blond´s grip and poked his forhead.

"Stop looking like that. You will scare people away."

"Hmph, there are no people to scare away here, flea." Shizuo argued, but the raven just smirked and let his arms hook around the blond´s neck.

"Oh, but I am here. Not afraid you will scare me away?"

The blond snorted, dropping the frowning expression completely.

"Nah. I have been throwing things at you and it didn´t keep you away, so I doubt a frown can." Izaya laughed.

"Oh, you are using logic~!" he teased but, still, smiled, showing the blond that he wasn´t serious. After all, the times when he wanted Shizuo to get mad at him were over.

"Shut up flea." Shizuo chuckled and brushed Izaya's black hair softly.

Really now.

Ever since he could remember, he could think of no better amusement or way to spend time, than to tease Shizuo and make him violently destroy the city.

If he had just noticed earlier that this kind of thing would be so much better than that-

He sighed content.

Really now, he didn´t understand how Shizuo could change his rage into love for him. He had always been an ass to him.

Framed him, made him lose jobs-

"Ah." He blinked, tilting his head thinking.

"what?" Shizuo asked, tilting his head as well in an attempt to imitate the raven´s guesture.

"I made you lose another job didn´t I?" Izaya suddenly realized. Only now, it had dawned on him that he had made Shizuo leave his work yesterday- and if he remembered correctly…

"Correct me if I´m wrong, but you did something in that restaurant before you left, right?" Izaya asked, making the blond blink.

Ahhhhhhh-

He did.

"I punched the manager in the face." He stated dumbfounded. He had totally forgotten about that.

That guy had wanted to keep him from going to Izaya so … yeahhhhh-

Izaya sighed.

"See? I made you lose another job Shizu-chan." Izaya sighed.

Seriously.

But the blond didn´t really seem to mind at all. Rather the opposite.

"Not like it matters. I didn´t like it anyway." He shrugged, obviously not a shred angry at the informant.

That part still kind of did fascinate Izaya.

If he had done that earlier- make Shizuo lose his job like that- he would have been raging mad for it; but now?

Everything had changed so much.

He smiled softly. He would be lying if he said he hated that change.

"Okay then... I will search for a new job for you, okay? To make it up." Shizuo shrugged.

"You don´t have to. I will find something. But what about you?" he suddenly asked, throwing Izaya out of concept for a second.

"Me?" the raven blinked a little confused.

"Yeah, do you have work today or something?"

Izaya froze at the mentioning of his "work."

He didn´t expect it- at least not now.

He felt like someone had just hit him in his stomach. Like there was a hole in it.

A deep, dark hole.

It´s not like he forgot it.

Of course he knew that today was the day. Today was the day that his assassin should finish off Shiki.

So his grandfather… they should be gone by now, right?

Torakichi and his siblings.

The only question left now was… would he manage to finish Shiki off today?

If he didn´t…

Shizuo…

What will he do if I am really gone.. the day after tomorrow…?

What if Shiki realizes the girls got away?

What if he realizes I hired the killer?

What if-

Shizuo blinked, noticing that, obviously, he had said something that irked the raven. The grip around this neck that had tensed considerably told him so. He seemed like he was in thought.

And it didn´t look like it were a nice kind of thought.

"Izaya…?"

But as soon as he spoke the raven´s name aloud, he seemed to snap back to the present.

Calm down-

Izaya sighed, relaxing his body again.

He was starting to think too much again.

Everything was going to be alright.

Right?

Shizuo had said so.

Izaya could do it.

And that assassin could do his job.

Worrying wouldn´t help anyone.

"No, I don´t have any work today." He replied, answering the question that the blond had first asked him, catching the debt collector off guard. He had been so concentrated on Izaya´s behavior, that he had forgotten his question.

Still though- he frowned a little.

"Free? From that job?" He didn´t intend to sound disbelieving, but well- he did sound like he thought it was a lie.

"You don´t believe me?" Izaya challenged him.

Shizuo was about to say no, but then again- he sighed.

Now it dawned on him, today was the…. What? Third day? He guessed Izaya would tell him later what was going on.

So, asking him now would just end fruitless, as usual.

Damn stubborn flea.

Why did he make such a secret out of it?

"I believe you." He mumbled quiet, holding the flea close and kissed him once more.

It worried him.

That the flea was again trying to keep something to himself; something that obviously troubled him. Especially after yesterday. And hearing all of these things, it left a very bitter taste to not question the flea until he spilled what was going on.

But then again, he felt content like this.

Just a day more, right?

By today night, Izaya promised to tell him.

So everything was alright.

Izaya didn´t say anything more after that.

It was pretty damn clear to him that Shizuo knew something was bothering him.

But he didn´t want to tell him.

Shizuo would do something reckless.

Maybe he would even end up dying with him.

Only in worst case scenario that is-

Or he would just worry him even more.

No. He didn´t want that.

The only thing that he really wanted now, was to stay with him as much as he could.

As long as he still could…

Torakihi should be on his way by now.

That meant…

The guards were dead.

Izaya swallowed.

His assassin was on the way to kill Shiki now, wasn´t he? Maybe even right now.

He would be efficiently eleminating everyone that knew anything about his past and could blackmail him in any way.

Heh..

…

He would be free wouldn´t he?

… and yet… he couldn´t shake off this feeling…

This feeling… as if something terrible was about to happen.

-Hopital´s people point of view-

"KURURI!" Screaming filled the hospital´s halls as soon as the front door got stormed.

The future patients in the waiting room blinked terrified, when they saw a little girl being brought into the hospital.

Blood was spread all over her shirt- it was obvious she was injured more than just bad- the doctors were trying to keep her alive, while one of them practically screamed at a nurse to get the operation room ready-

Another little girl, looking just too similar for it to be a coincidence was running next to her sister, tears dropping relentlessly from her shocked eyes.

She was holding the little girl´s bloody hand and it was obvious that none of the doctor´s could bring themselves to actually push her away.

The kid was unconscious, maybe even dead already. It wasn´t clear from the sight.

But the fact that one of the doctors repeatedly performed cardiopulmonary resuscitation on her, gave away a great deal of information-

"Mairu please, they are doing what they can, please let go-!" An old man was trying to get the girl away from her sister to help the doctors. She whined, she scremed her sisters name-

She wasn´t going to listen, that was clear.

He ripped her away from the little girl and pulled her close as the doctor´s rushed past her into the operation room.

She was shaking.

She was shaking badly.

Her hands were bloody from her sister´s wound and she just couldn´t stop staring at them.

The old man tried to talk to her, tried to assure her, but she wouldn't listen.

All she could do was stare at her hand.

At the blood of her sister that was drying on it as the tears dropped down relentlessly from her face.

She stared to the Operation room´s door and- before the old man could even react-

She dashed off.

"Mairu! Mairu you can´t-" The old man didn´t reach her in time and she burst through the door.

Just in time to hear the terrifying sound of the heart monitor-

"Shit! We are losing her-"

BEEEEEEEEP –and a scream tore fom her lips-

"KURURIII!"

-Izaya´s point of view.-

"Oiiii, earth to Izaya?" Startled, the raven´s head snapped up.

"What?" he blinked, not having heard a single word the blond had said.

"What are you having your head in the clouds for, geez." Shizuo mumbled, ruffling through the flea´s hair. He didn´t like it when he had that huge frown between his eyes- that thinking frown he always made when he was worrying or thinking about bad stuff.

"I asked what you wanna have for breakfast. I was thinking of some waffles. Want some too?" he repeated, hoping to receive an answer this time.

But Izaya still seemed absentminded..

He did nod, but Shizuo had a slight feeling he didn´t really pay attention to what he had said at all.

He was just sitting there, holding his phone in his hands and stared at it.

Was he waiting for a call?

Shizuo didn´t know.

… maybe it was something about that worst-case-scenario he had told him about.

…

If so… then would it be good if he got called, or bad?

Shizuo didn´t know whether to hope that the phone rang or that it kept silent.

But it didn´t even matter what he hoped-

Because suddenly, a ring sliced the silence that had opened between the two and made the raven flinch so hard, he almost dropped the phone.

Dread filled the blond for a second and he wondered just who it was that called Izaya-

But his worries quickly dissipated when he saw the raven smile as he looked at the name that displayed on his phone and picked up.

"You freaking scared me you dickhead! Couldn´t you have called once you arrived?! I thought something happened!" the flea immediately laughed relieved as he picked up the phone and stood up from his seat, not even waiting for the person that called him to start talking.

And Shizuo smiled.

Because he thought that whatever it was the raven had worried about, was now going to disappear.

He thought it was a good thing, because he had actually looked so happy when he picked up-

He thought the raven could finally be at peace-

He really thought that.

But it was then that the raven suddenly dropped his smile and seemed to revert to a more serious state of mind.

"What do you mean things didn´t work out exactly as I said?"

The sentence alone made the blond´s blood freeze.

And then he dropped the phone.

Izaya did.

He just dropped it and it fell to the floor- clattering-

Just stared in front of him with eyes that Shizuo could simply describe as utterly shocked- terrified and wide in horror.

And then he knew that nothing was okay.

"What happened…?" Shizuo asked, approaching the raven quickly.

But the raven was totally out of it.

He hadn´t even noticed that he had dropped the phone. His eyes were staring at nothing.

"Kururi…." A quiet mumble reached his ears as the raven spoke.

"… got shot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C: Ahahahaha I am meann~
> 
> Well then~ What will poor Izaya do when he hears of the condition his sister is in~?
> 
> Well first question would be in what kind of condition she exactly is in~ C;
> 
> Ahahahahahahahahahaha~ adding some angst to my romantic shit to try to get the fluids in my brain flowing again *^*
> 
> So yeahhhh- that´s it for now- Sorry again, I know it´s also shorter from usual, but please bear with me ^^'
> 
> I´m so freaking stuck it´s not even funnyyyy
> 
> I still hope you enjoyed it somehow tho :3
> 
> Look forward to: Chapter 34: NO more risk due to ?2016 Really have no clue-
> 
> PS.: After sunset ended and chapter 2 and 3 and 4 and freaking 5 AND 6 AND 7 of "The wish to disappear" have been posted. Sooo, you could check that out meanwhile c:


	34. ஜ NO more risk ஜ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyy! awwwww Im sorry for taking so long naw  
> You are gonna be really mad at me but i actually updated a week ago on fanfiction already- ;A; Im SO SORRY I ORGOT TOT UPDT HERE TOO ;A;A;A;A;A;A;AA;A; -bows to chu- hit me- TAT   
> But I finally did it! 
> 
> I finally got out of my stuck corner xDD A great friendy helped me awesomely to get over it *^*
> 
> This shit is gonna get finished xD Sowy that this chappy is slightly shorter than the usual chapters, but hey xD I got past the stuck part xD The next chappy will make you sit at the edge of your seat ahahahaha
> 
> If this one doesn´t do that already. xD Im so evil Cx
> 
> Oh and one important information up ahead! From now on I will always update on sunday! Cx 2 or three chapters each week hehe cx The next two weeks chu will get only two chapters, but then, as an easter present chu could say- xD You will get chapter 37 END, 15 of Twtd and! Behind closed doors chapter 1 plus a secret new story, Sotd chapter 1 AND ANOTHER SECRET STORY *^* xDD
> 
> Nene, let´s have some fun xD Chu shall guess what the short truncation "Sotd" may stand for xD What kind of story do chu think it will be? xD Oh, those that know it already cuz I ramble too much- shhhhhhhh xD
> 
> rikuquo, thank you for your kind words hehe cx also for your comments on after sunset xDDDDDDD ahaha, you got the ending you wanted x'D 
> 
> oh well, so, I don´t want to keep you waiting much longer xD
> 
> Enjoy! *0*

-patient´s point of view-

Surprised jerking of heads was to be seen as the automatic doors of the front of the hospital opened.

It was still morning, the sun´s rays had only started touching the glass windows of the hospital a little while ago and made everything seem orange inside the waiting room.

A nurse was sitting behind the front desk, busily typing away on a keyboard while a patient was waiting for his document.

Her head snapped up when she spotted the raven rushing into the main hall.

The doors didn´t even have time to open fully before the raven was already standing in front of the desk, slaming his hands on top of it.

His breathing was ragged as if he had been running and he seemed to be hectic.

"Kururi Orihara, which room?!"

The nurse, who had been about to greet the informant blinked surprised at the words and her brows furrowed instead.

She turned away fom the patient she had been searching something for shortly and folded her hands.

"Sir, I´m afraid I can´t give out that information unless you are a-"

"I´m her brother! Now quit wasting my time and tell me where she is!" Izaya almost barked at the woman who flinched ever so slightly. She frowned a bit, obviously displeased by the way the raven was acting, only to glance at the raven as she turned around again to face her computer.

"Sorry," she said, raising her hand to point at the patient before the desk.

"But this patient was first, you will have to wait just a little bit."

For a second the raven´s expression simply fell-

"DON`T FUCK WITH ME!"

"Izaya-" interrupted by a familiar voice Izaya felt something wrap around him and tug him backwards.

"Calm down-" Izaya frowned at the calm words of the blond behind him.

Tch- of course, he could remain, cool, it was not his precious brother that got shot after all-

"Don´t you dare tell me to calm down!" Izaya hissed, trying to get out of the blond´s hold.

"Izaya, listen-" but the informant didn´t even intend to do that in the slightest, instead he kept squirming in the debt collector´s hold.

"My sister got shot and this stupid bitch doesn´t tell me where she is!" he yelled-

Meanwhile probably all of the patients in the waiting room were looking at the two of them.

"Izaya, you getting there a minute or two earlier won´t change anything about the condition your sister is in-!" Shizuo said, wishing he could have avoided this topic as he immediately felt the raven tense in his arms.

-20 minutes earlier. Shizuo´s point view-

"...shot..?" the blond mumbled, his eyes widening. But the raven didnt answer, instead he seemed to unfreezy from his frozen state as he quickly bowed down to grab his phone once more, almost letting it drop again as he quickly brought it up to his ear.

"What happened?!" the raven near yelled, his voice creaking in the middle of it-

Deafening silence met the blond as the raven received his answer from the phone.

He didn´t dare to say a single word as Izaya listened.

"So she is in artificial coma now..." the words made the blond cringe slightly. It hurt to watch the raven like this.

He wished he could do something but what?

"Iza-" the blond didn´t get to finish his sentence as the raven suddenly stormed past him, heading straight for the door.

-Present. Shizuo´s point of view.-

They had come here instantly after that phone call ended.

"It won´t help her if you flip out." Shizuo mumbled once more, tugging the raven´s head under his chin.

A soft nod was all that he received from the raven in his arms as he looked at the woman sitting behind the desk.

"Kururi Orihara?" he asked once more, making the woman blink.

The nurse was quiet for a moment, her brow furrowed and mouth still slightly open as if to retort something, but then a sigh escaped her lips instead.

She set the file she had been about to give the patient down and turned to the monitor at her side. Typing in the name, she scanned the information quickly.

"She is in room 206, but it´s probably best to-" Izaya didn´t even hear the rest anymore. His ears perked at the information and he practically shoved himself away from the blond, almost flying up the flight of stairs as he dashed towards the room.

Shizuo looked at the woman with a nod as a sign of thanking her before running after the raven. Izaya was already out of sight as he ran up the stairs.

One, two, three he took at once, only to quickly arrive at the second floor´s hall and find the raven standing there in front of a door.

His hand was already on the doorknob, but he didn´t twist it.

Shizuo frowned a slight bit, approaching his lover.

"Izaya..?" he mumbled softly, not wanting to scare the raven that seemed to be in deep thoughts.

"Shizuo..." the raven mumbled back, but not turning away from the door.

"What... what if.." he faded out, not letting Shizuo catch his further words.

"If? What if?" he repeated, hoping to receive an answer, but the raven kept his head low, just shaking it softly.

And that´s when he saw it.

A teardrop.

"Shizuo," the raven started once more, his voice obviously shaking as he turned his head slightly to look at the blond with teary eyes.

"What if she is dead Shizuo?"

Izaya knew it. Torakichi had said before that Kururi is just in an artificial coma and that they operated on her. But... her condition was critical.

He said so.

That was 20 minutes ago. What if complications occured while he was hurrying here?

He couldn´t do this again. He couldn´t see someone die, just because of him, just because-

"What if she died already-" Izaya asked, trying to keep his voice from breaking.

Shizuo´s eyes widened.

"What if-"

Surprised the raven gasped when he felt the blond push past him.

He didn´t even get to ask what he was doing, because suddenly there was a hand on his own on top of the door knob and Shizuo slammed the door open.

Eyes wide Izaya stared into the room, a single tear rolling down his face as he spotted his little sister in a white bed.

Machines were attached to her, and a contiuous beeping sound was filling the room´s silence, hinting, that her heart was beating.

"See?" the informant suddenly caugt the almost whispered, but definitely relieved sounding words from Shizuo behind him. "She is still alive."

Izaya gulped, quickly bringing up his arm to rub away his tears with his right hand´s sleeve while nodding softly.

Hesitant he stepped into the room.

"Do you... do you think she can hear us?" he mumbled, having reached the bed.

Softly he let his hand trail down to Kururi´s on the bed.

"Maybe, I don´t know." Shizuo mumbled, watching the pale girl.

Izaya nodded and closed his eyes, just sitting down on a chair next to the bed as he wrapped both his arms around the cold hand of his sister.

"...Why did you shove me, Shizu-chan? That was mean." he suddenly mumbled, keeping his eyes closed.

The blond shrugged slightly as he slowly stepped inside the room as well.

"Would wondering about what is in here have done anything good for you?" he asked instead of answering, but the raven understood and shook his head.

"Iza-nii!"

Startled Shizuo turned around- just in time to see a girl standing next to an old man in the doorframe rush past him.

Sobbing was to be heard from the girl as she clung to her older brother. Shizuo´s eyes softened as he watched Izaya wrapp his arms softly around his sister.

The girl´s shoulders were shaking as she was caught in a tender hug.

"Hey.. hey it´s okay.. She is going to be fine." Izaya whispered, trying to comfort his sister.

"She got shot Iza-nii.. There was so much blood.. they said they don´t know yet if she is going to survive it..." sobs wracked the lithe body a she told the raven what happened.

In response the raven just hugged the girl tighter.

"Shh, calm down Mairu. It´s going to be okay." the girl shook her head sobbing. Izaya set up a slight smile, while moving his hands to either side of Mairu´s cheeks.

"Mairu," he started speaking calmly. "She will be fine okay? You know, the actual probability of surviving a gunshot to the body is 80 -90%."

...

"80-90%?" the girl repeated disbelieving.

"Yep, that´s actually true. Google it if you want. And you know Kururi, she wouldn´t leave you alone, now would she?" he tried, making the girl nod slightly.

Still a little teary eyed she glanced at her sister.

"You gotta wake up soon Kururi." she mumbled.

"You were never the type to speak a lot, but you will make me lonely if you sleep all the time." she tried to joke, rubbing the tears away.

Shizuo looked at the scene in front of him, but what else drew his attention in was something that was still in the door frame.

That old man.

He was sure, that man... he was the one that told him where Izaya was when he searched for him after Ryouske set them up.

He was the one Izaya said he shouldn´t talk to. The same man that he saw Izaya visit in the old part of the town when he started watching him.

And another thing did strike him as odd a bit.

The second day he watched the flea on his observing job he saw how he got a mail from his sisters, saying that he will die and stuff.

He always had the impression that the siblings were on bad terms, but now he felt as though that wasn´t the case at all.

"Iza-nii, are you coming back to us now..?" the words caught the blond of guard and he looked back at the sister.

Izaya blinked. "What do you mean?" he asked, suddenly turning stiff.

"Kururi, she knew." the girl whispered, making the raven frown a little.

"Huh?" Shizuo looked at the raven, just as confused as the raven himself was, he guessed.

The girl tightened her fists on her lap, looking at her brother.

"We know both what you did Iza-nii, when you went away. We know that you were protectig us all along when you left us years ago. We know you gave grandfather money so he would take good care of us and be able to keep that yakusa guy away from us!" the girl stated, tears gathering in her eyees once more as the raven could do nothing but stare at her dumbfounded.

"Mairu... I don´t know where you got that idea, from, but I left voluntarily, I-"

"We know that´s not true!" she cried, "We know they threatened you to do something to us if you don´t work for them! Grandfather told us ages ago!"

The cut up photos.

Now it made sense. He had almost forgotten about it, but weren´t there those cut up photo´s on Izaya´s desk when he was being sick?

Shizuo went down to check on the flea and saw those pics. He didn´t think they would be a threatening mail.

Wait- forced to work-?

"We played along with you, we acted as if we hated you because it would be easier for you to pretend you don´t give a shit about us if we act the same." Mairu cried, bringing up her right wrist to rub at her eyes.

"We sent you a mail everyday so you know we are thinking about you all the time, and that we are alright." he hicupped.

"But grandpa said it´s going to be over now." she stated, making the raven frown.

"He said everything is going to be fine soon because you will stop working for those guys!"

"Mairu..." the girl fell silent.

And the informant did too.

Shizuo didn´t understand.

Izaya was going to stop being an informant? He was going to quit his job?

He frowned.

But if he was being threatened to keep at it, then how did he plan on quitting?

Something didn´t make sense here.

Not at all.

Wait.

Then that old man-

"You are Izaya´s grandfather?" Shizuo suddenly realized his eyes widening as he stared at the old man in the doorway.

Izaya snapped his head towards them as he heard the blond speak.

The old guy nodded.

"That´s right, I am Izaya´s grandfather, Torakichi. I believe we met before didn´t we?" the old man smiled slightly. The blond nodded hesitantly, this new information confusing him just slightly.

"Yeah we did. When I searched for Izaya you knew where he was. How...?"

The old man smiled and opened his mouth, as if about to reply, but before even as much as a word could leave the guy´s lips Izaya was interrupting him.

"Shut up." it were only two words, but they sure sounded like a slice through the air as the informant hissed them.

The grandfather closed his mouth again, glancing now at the raven instead of the blond.

Blinking Shizuo turned around to look at his lover.

"Shut up?" he repeated Izaya´s words.

"Exactly. That old guy should just shut up." the raven spat, his eyes narrowing.

A confused frown spread over the blond´s features. "Why? He is your grandfather isn´t he?"

"It doesn´t matter who he is, this is none of your business Shizuo."

What?

Shizuo thoguht the raven was joking. What the hell was he saying?!

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" The hell it didn´t concern him!

What the hell was he talking about? They promised not to keep any secrets anymore from now on, Izaya even agreed to tell him today night everything that he had kept hidden! And now this?!

"It doesn't concern you, Shizuo!" A vein popped at Shizuo´s forhead.

A few seconds that might have felt as if they were as long as an eternity passed by as the two simply stared at each other.

Shizuo didn´t know why Izaya was suddenly giving him this bullshit- but he had to learn from what he knew about the flea.

The last time he heard that kind of bullshit from Izaya about something not concerning him was when he ended up crying in the bathroom.

He had been lying then for some stupid reason.

Taking a shaky breath Shizuo tried to cool down.

"Why are you being so secretive?" he asked, lips in a tight line and probably sounding angry, but at least he could restrain him self to a level to not yell at the flea again or say things he didn´t mean.

"I´m not being secretive. You don´t need to know this." Izaya just evaded the qestion and got up from his place on the chair next to the bed.

Mairu looked at him, obviously slightly worried and seemed as if she was about to say something but decided it would be better to keep her mouth shut.

The raven approached the blond.

"You always keep things from me Izaya." the blond mumbled, fists tightening next to his body. "It pisses me off you know." he growled, not once breaking the eye contact with the informant.

"As I said, it doesn´t concern you." he glared back, stuffing his hands into his favourite coat´s pockets.

He had absolutely no intention to drag Shizuo any further into this mess he created himself.

Shotaro died because he thought he could follow these guys because he was too curious for his own good and wasn´t scared of any consequences.

Now he was scared. He actually knew now what it meant to be scared.

But he still didn´t get any smarter.

He had set an asassin on Shiki.

And now Kururi got shot.

He wasn´t dumb.

He knew what it meant.

Game over.

Who knew if that assasin was even still alive.

He was going to get fucked by this mess he created.

His sister already got dragged into it and he feared nothing more than Mairu and Torakichi also getting dragged into this further than they were.

But Shizuo knew nothing.

Shizuo was never really on Shiki´s field of vision.

Noone, at least in the yakusa should know about their real relationship.. or better his true feelings for the blond.

So now...

Right now, Shizuo was safe. As long as he stayed stupid and didn´t get any information, he was safe.

"It doesn´t concern you Shizuo. Not in the slightest." he repeated.

"Izaya maybe-" Izaya turned his head to glare at his grandfather.

NO.

He wasn´t going to let him ruin anything here-

"Just shut up for once okay?!" he snapped-

That old geezer was pissing him off! Always, really fucking always having the wrong timing!

"Izaya, you know, I think it would be better if you-" but Shizuo didn´t get to speak further either.

"God can´t all of you just shut up for a second?!" he hated it- he hated how everyone was just freaking doing what they wanted, just getting themselves mixed up with him more and more- "Why do you always want to talk about everything?! What good will it do, huh?!"

He was sick of dragging everyone down with him!

He was sick of trying to pretend everything was okay when it was obviously not!

"Izaya, I don't know what you´re doing but this whole secrecy will lead to nothing!"

Nothing.

Ah, that was true.

Actually for once that brute was right.

Izaya, who had been about to reply something, or rather retort something with sarcasm stopped halfway, actually thinking about what the blond said.

... he was right wasn´t he?

This whole thing and plan and everything he was doing and keeping secret would lead to nothing anyway.

NO matter what he did.

The outcome was decided now anyway, wasn´t it?

There was only one way.. to fix this entire mess..wasn´t there...?

...

He fell silent.

The blond noticed the change in Izaya´s attitude.

But it wasn´t a change that he liked at all.

"Izaya?"

He didn´t know why, but somehow his guts told him that the raven had thought of something. And it wasn´t something he would like.

"Hey-"

"Maybe you are right." The blond blinked when the raven spoke again. Cooly this time.

He wasn´t angry anymore.

"What do you mean?" Shizuo remembered what he had said, of course he did, but somehow he got a feeling Izaya meant it in a whole different way.

"This won´t lead anywhere anyway." The raven answered, his face expressionless, all former anger or any feeling at all wiped of his face.

"I can´t stay with you."

...

..

Blank-

What did he-

"..wait, what?" Shizuo felt like someone had just punched him into the pit of his stomach.

He was reading this wrong right?

He had to-

"... you are joking right?" Shizuo tried, his voice way more breathy than he wanted it to be.

But Izaya just kept looking at him with a cold glance.

Dropping the last line with a cruely cold expression.

"It´s over Shizu-chan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C: C: C: C: C: C: C: C: C: C:
> 
> Ahahahahaha~ I see fear in my readers- I see it bloom~ Just slightly, slightly they start to wonder if this story will end as well as they thought it would~ ;3
> 
> Chapters left until the end: 3
> 
> Look forward to: Chapter 35: Sacrifice DUE TO TOMORROW   
> YES YOU READ RIGHT   
> TOMORROW   
> xDDDD
> 
> AWESOME thanks to my AWESOME friendy who helped me getting over my writers block shit xD chu are awesome *^*
> 
> So, don´t forget! xD Update day is now always SUNDAY *^*
> 
> And chu shall guess what Sotd actually means xDDD please do guess x'DDD 
> 
> Well then, see chu TOMORROW in chappy 35 *^**0*


	35. ஜ Sacrifice ஜ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter 35~! *0* xD As you see I´m not slacking off again yet xD and ohohohohoh, the fear, the fear I can feel it hehe~
> 
> And I´m finally back to my usual lengths xDDDDDD
> 
> I bet you are curious what will happen now and what the flea is up to, well~
> 
> I shall not hold you up any longer xD
> 
> Enjoy~! *^*

**\- Shizuo´s point of view**.-

...he misheard right?

This had to be a joke-

"You can´t be serious-" the blond mumbled, a frown already crossing his surprised expression, transforming it into a confused one.

There was no way Izaya could be serious, why all of a sudden something like this?! Izaya loved him! He was pretty damn sure he did!

So why?!

Why?! The blond´s fists clenched slightly as he stared disbelieving at his lover.

But the raven didn´t seem like he was joking at all-

Wordlessly, Izaya moved away from his sisters, approaching the debt collector- but instead of actually talking to Shizuo, he glanced at the old man.

"I will leave things here to you." the blond clicked his tongue, his eyes narrowing. "Izaya stop it, I know you don´t mean it so stop saying things like this." but the raven didn´t even react.

"Izaya-" and then Shizuo took a step forward towards the informant- but that was the last thing he was able to do-

Running, that was the thing Izaya had always been best at. It was what he had always done wasn´t it?

And that´s what he was doing now as he dashed out of the room-

"IZAYA!" – it didn´t take a second for Shizuo to react as he ran after the flea-

Followed him as he ran down- disappeared down the flight of stairs-

Down into the hall-

The nurse at the front desk snapped her head towards the two as they dashed through the hall-

"IZAYA WAIT!"

The doors of the hospital flew open and Izaya dashed out of them-

"IZAYA!"

But no chance.

Shizuo came to a screetching halt as he stepped outside the hospital-

His head snapped left, then right- but the flea was gone.

He couldn't spot him-

People were walking by forming a little crowd-

Izaya could be anywhere.

He had lost him-

"Shit!" His fist connected with the wall of the hospital, forming a slight crack in it-

He fucking let the flea get away-

"Tch.."

_Fucking fast flea.._

_That fucking-!_

He would help him for fucks sake! If he just talked to him! If he told him what was so wrong he thought he had to break up with him for it!

What the hell was going on?!

"IZAYAAA-!" he screamed, yelled his name like he used to on the streets, but of course the raven didn´t answer him. Maybe he was too far away already, maybe he was just ignoring him and still close by, who knew.

Izaya might as well be still watching him- or be gone from here already.

Frustrated Shizuo plunged his hand into his pant's pocket and pulled out his phone. It didn´t even need a second before he had called the number he saved.

But instead of the flea, only the mailbox answered him.

...

A sigh left the blond's lips and he brought his hand up to rub as his temples as he waited for the beep tone.

_**beep** _ _-_

"Oi Izaya," he started, voice way less angry. He had to approach this differently, the raven had always been running away from him ever since they met, hadn´t he? So why should that change once they became lovers?

The little conversation from before popped up in his mind.

_"Would you run away from me again?"_

_"Only if you chased me."_

Stupid flea. He wasn´t going to give up on the louse anytime soon.

"I know you didn't mean what you said." he finally continued, the phone having recorded an awkwardly long pause.

"Come back okay. Whatever... you try to hide or shit, we can talk about it, okay? I won´t freak out. So come back. If you hate the thought of telling me anything then fuck it okay, I won´t ask- but just come back. I will wait at the hospital."

_**-click-** _

Sighing he shoved the phone back into his pocket.

This... was difficult.

He felt like running around and searching in the city for the flea but he knew it was quite dumb to do that now. The flea could be literally anywhere.

He had the whole of Ikebukuro to hide from him and Shizuo had no clue where that louse even went.

He had a feeling he wouldn´t be able to find Izaya when he didn´t want him to.

His legs feeling heavy, he walked back to the door of the hospital. The doors slid open quietly, the woman behind the front desk was staring at him.

She almost looked like she wanted to say something, but decided to keep her mouth shut.

Was probably better that way.

He didn´t trust himself to not randomly flip out if someone pissed him off right now.

Weary he walked the stairs back up, the cigarette hanging loosely from his lips.

Ah.

Come to think of it, this was a hospital wasn´t it? That woman probably wanted to tell him to stop smoking inside.

He sighed as he tugged the cigarette out from between his lips and pushed it out on a dustbin, throwing it inside after making sure it wasn´t glowing anymore.

Only slowly he made his way back over to room 204.

… the flea´s sister was still there. Sitting next to her unconscious twin she kept holding her hand and watching her chest rise and fall.

Soft beeping filled the silence. The old man was still just standing there, in the door frame.

He was the first that noticed that Shizuo had come back.

"… I take it he was too fast." He mumbled, making Shizuo glance away.

"…yeah. He ran away from me again."

…

The man mumbled something under his breath, making the blond look at him.

"What?" the old man turned towards him, stepping out of the room. "Would you join me for a little walk?" he asked, a kind of gentle smile appearing on his face as he looked at the younger man.

The blond blinked, a little surprised by the offer, but nodded.

Why not?

"…sure." He stepped out of the room, watching the old man close the door to Kururi´s room, leaving the two siblings alone in it.

Silence filled the room as they walked down the corridor.

Shortly Shizuo glanced back at the door. "Is it alright to leave her alone like this?" he asked, wondering about it just a little.

"She isn´t alone." The old man smiled a little, "She has her sister, I´m sure she will be waking up again soon." Shizuo frowned.

"I thought her condition was critical?" The old man nodded, making the blond blink.

"It is, but Kururi is strong, way stronger than Mairu." He spoke, sounding really fond of both of the two, "She will pull through."

…

He really believed that didn´t he?

Shizuo smiled just slightly. The way he said it, it made him believe he was saying the truth.

"Say-" the old man started, walking down a flight of stairs that led to a kind of little park of the hospital.

Some people dressed in white were outside, some in wheel chairs, some just walking around leisurely.

"You love Izaya don´t you?" Torakichi asked, eyeing the blond from the corner of his eyes.

"Of course I do." Shizuo answered instantly. He knew that for sure. It had taken a little while until he realized what these feelings were he had for the flea, but by now he was pretty damn sure.

He loved the flea, and he wasn´t going to give up on him.

"Instant answer, I like that." The old man laughed, making Shizuo blink.

"Why are you asking?" he questioned, tugging out one of the cancer sticks. After all, now that they were outside he could smoke as much as he wanted to.

The old man hummed.

"I was just thinking of something. Would you like to know more about Izaya, Shizuo-kun?" Shizuo paused, having just been about to lit the cigarette in his mouth.

What did he just say?

"More about the flea?" the old man chuckled.

"What a lovely nickname, yeah, more about the flea if you put it that way." a kind of little sigh escaped the old man´s lips as he looked around the park. "He will probably hate me for it later, but I think you deserve to know more about the person you love. Especially since he loves you back."

Yeah... that made sense.

The blond smiled. That silly flea actually did love him back after all.

"If he just weren´t always so secretive." He sighed aloud, making the old man hum.

"He wasn´t always that way." Shizuo turned his head to look at the old man. He was Izaya´s grandfather after all, he was sure he knew a damn lot about the flea.

"I don´t know what happened," Torakichi started, "but Izaya only started this closed up behavior after he disappeared from my son´s household." His eyes seemed to grow sad as he went on.

"We had a fight, my son and me you know, he was drunk and I fear he was doing way more things to Izaya than I ever feared. I realized way too late." The old man´s eyes closed shortly as he sat down on one of the benches outside.

Shizuo lowered his gaze, keeping standing.

It was obvious that the man felt responsible for what happened to Izaya.

… _after a fight huh?_

He had a feeling he knew what exactly Izaya´s grandfather was talking about. It was that day, before he hid away with Shotaro in school wasn´t it?

…

Did Izaya´s grandfather know about what happened then?

… no.

Probably not.

How would he?

"I love my grandson." The old man started talking again. "He has my brains, but that stupid prick of a son treated him like shit- his wife was no better. And then, one of Izaya´s classmates died. That was the first time we saw him again at the funeral, he was just standing there on a hill."

The blond stuffed his hands into his pockets, feeling a little cold as he looked around the park, just listening. Just listening to the continuation of the story Izaya had told him.

"He suddenly had money." The old man continued. "He got a lawyer to work for him and got his parents to give the parental rights to me. Since then, the twins have lived with me only. But Izaya…" the old man fade out a bit, letting his eyes trail up to the sky, watching a cloud fly by.

"He started distancing himself starting from that day. He kept telling his siblings how he hated them or didn´t care about them at all. It was obvious that he was just pretending all this though. Even to his siblings. They had lived together with him for so many years, no acting in the world could have made them believe that lie."

… _of course not._

From what Izaya had told him, how his father treated him and how his sisters loved him, the flea was actually was a little stupid to believe that could have worked.

Silence took over the scene for a while and Shizuo listened to the wind blowing leaves through the park.

"We moved into a rather quiet area of Ikebukuro. You should know where my house is, when Izaya visited me a while ago you were there after all. You looked like you didn't like that the flea just ditched you like that." The old man smiled slightly.

Shizuo did as well as he remembered the memory.

"The house with the dog right? I saw the flea leap away from it, would have never guessed he is such a scaredy cat." Shizuo chuckled slightly. "It did make me wonder, why the flea would all of a sudden choose to ignore me when 99% of the time all his focus was just on me when we met."

"Yeah I got that kind of feeling from you." Torakichi smiled, folding his hands in front of his not too small stomach.

"We were living there quite peaceful actually. Izaya was still trying to pretend he didn´t give a shit about us at all, but apart from that, everything was normal. Well until that day." Shizuo rose an eyebrow at the way he put it.

"That day?" The old man´s expression took on a dark one as he continued.

"Ever since Izaya left us there were guys wandering around in front of our house. It didn´t take me long to find out that they were part of the Awakusu-kai. Izaya was working with them, that much I figured out the moment he stepped into that car at the funeral. But I didn´t know how bad it really was."

Somehow those words made Shizuo feel like he was missing out on something.

"What did they do?" he asked, an all too familiar frown already appearing on his face again.

"They wanted money. Regularly. That is, if we don´t want anything to happen to Kururi and Mairu on their way home from school."

A vein popped on Shizuo´s forehead. "They were threatening them?!" but Torakichi shook his head quickly.

"They were threatening Izaya, Shizuo-kun, and they still are."

A frown carved itself on Shizuo´s face. How in the world could anyone do something like this- how?!

"Tch, these fucking bastards-" he growled. Scum like that pissed him off- they were children for fucks sake!

"We would always meet up, once a month." the old man said. "Izaya gave us money, to pay those guys to fuck off. He even made up a special system of meeting. So we wouldn´t got involved. After all, if the money I received from Izaya "got stolen" on my way home then the Awakusu-kai would still want to see the money."

"Tch-"he was going to fucking murder those assholes.

"But then one day he suddenly said he would leave." The blond blinked.

"Yeah, you should have seen the hurt in his eyes, I don´t exactly know what happened, but it was quite obvious it involved you."

_The day he ran to the ship-_

"It was a misunderstanding." Shizuo explained, rubbing his temples. "A guy called Arizawa had planned out some pretty fucked up things and made Izaya think I betrayed him." Shizuo said making the old man nod.

"I see. Well that explains. He gave me a whole years worth of money that day- said he would hold contact with Shiki from somewhere else- that´s when we met first right?" Shizuo nodded. He still remembered how he had met the old man randomly.

"Come to think of it, how did you know he was on the ship?" The old man shrugged.

"Intuition. Where can you travel without being seen at all? A flight? No way. The only possibility of leaving Japan would be a ship if he wanted to do it without drawing attention to himself."

Seemed logical. "I think I know where Izaya got his brains from." Shizuo smiled, making the old man laugh.

"I like you already."

For a moment Torakichi just looked at the nature surrounding them, keeping silent.

"You know" he started once more. "He thinks his sisters hate him- but no." he shook his head slightly.

"They don´t, they care, they love their brother, but they know they have to keep away. To make it easier for Izaya they act like they hate him. The threatening mails are just a means of letting him know they are alright. You should see them when they fuss every day about what it should look like. They want to be creative." He smiled a little.

"I think Izaya got that a while ago, even if he doesn´t want to admit it."

"Sounds like the flea yeah," the blond admitted.

"A week ago, something happened that Izaya just couldn´t brush off," the old man suddenly told him. "Shiki suddenly offered the girls work." The blond´s eyes widened-

"He did what?!" the old man chuckled.

"Izaya´s reaction was exactly the same. I have never seen him that angry to be honest. He was yelling even at me through the phone, trying to vent his anger a little I guess and then he made some calls."

Suddenly a memory popped up in his head. He remembered a moment like that-

It was when they were walking to the apartment. Izaya had been yelling at someone on the phone and Shizuo had been wondering who he was that mad at-

So it was because of this.

"After that we met up a week later. He said we needed to talk. It´s never good when Izaya says we need to talk." His expression darkened.

"The amount of money he gave me was not for the guys this time. It was too much. Izaya was planning on disappearing again but this time he meant for us to disappear too."

"Wait, what do you mean?" Shizuo blinked confused.

"He wanted us to flee while he stayed. Not the same day, but two days later to not raise any suspicion. When Izaya called and said they would "disappear" on their own and I should go within three days- I knew what he was planning."

The blond´s eyes widened.

_Within 3 days?_

Those three days, it couldn´t be-

"He hired an assassin for Shiki." The blond blinked-

What did he-

"Wait what-?!" He hired an assassin?!

"He didn´t tell you anything, did he?" Torakichi asked, observing the blond´s reaction as he let his hands run through his hair.

"...no. Nothing at all." He didn´t fucking tell him a single thing!

"It´s a good solution actually. If the guy succeeded then everything would be over now but if not..."

Worst and best outcome- now he knew what it meant. That stupid flea- was talking about his death-

If that boss of his found out what he did then-

He felt like someone had just punched him in the gut-

What the hell was Izaya doing?! The old man sighed.

"And now it´s come to this. I don't know... either Shiki got wind of this, or Izaya did something else that dissatisfied him. I tend to the second option, because if he knew Izaya hired a killer, he would have killed us instead of just injuring her."

Just hurting her huh... Izaya´s sister almost died. She could have died!

"So that´s why he acted that way before..."Shizuo finally realized.

"You mean the break up? Yeah. I´m pretty sure he didn´t do it because of lack of love or something. No..."

Tch of course not, that stupid flea..

"I would rather say, it´s the opposite case." Izaya loved him, just like he loved his siblings and now he was trying to pull the exact same shit he did with the twins for so long.

NO fucking way.

"That idiot..." he was trying to keep him out of everything- Acting as if Shizuo couldn´t at least try to do anything!

**-Izaya´s point of view. Shinjuku-**

"Orihara Izaya..." astonished mumbling went through the rows as the raven entered the house.

Surprise was visible in everyone´s faces. All of these men that were trained to survive in dangerous situations seemed to be amazed by how bold Izaya was by coming here.

Where the raven was?

In the middle of the Awakusu-kai´s base.

He knew what he had to do, and even though he already felt it was a bad idea, he knew it was the only one he had.

The only choice.

"I want to speak to Shiki." He announced, two of the members nodding at him- "Understood." And disappeared down the corridor as Izaya waited for his probably last meeting with his boss.

**-Shizuo´s point of view.-**

"He is just trying to keep everyone safe around him and while doing that, he abandons all feelings of his own," the old man mumbled, making Shizuo just more and more angry-

But also worried.

"That idiot." He turned on his heels, suddenly heading back to the hospital. The old man snapped his head towards the blond, standing up from the bench.

"What are you going to do?" he asked, hurrying after the blond.

"What I´m going to do? Isn´t it obvious?" Shizuo asked, slamming the door they came through open to enter the hospital.

"I´m going to beat some asses and get Izaya out of this mess!" he announced, anger already making him grit his teeth as he headed for the front entrance.

He still had no clue where to search for the flea, but he fucking would find him, beat those assholes up and take him back forever!

He wasn´t going to let them do with Izaya as they pleased anymore!

He wasn´t going to just sit by while Izaya-

"AAAAAAAAAAHHH-!"

…

And then time seemed to stand still for a second-

Shizuo turned around, facing the stairs that lead up to Kururi´s room-

That scream-

It had resounded through the whole hospital- snapping both their heads to the door of room 204-

No mistake- that had been Mairu-

**-Izaya´s point of view.-**

"Ahh, hello Izaya. Fancy seeing you here." Those were the words with which Shiki greeted the raven as he entered the room.

A glare was sent at him from the precious informant as he let himself slump down on the couch in front of the tiny table.

"Cut the sweet talk." he hissed, folding his hands.

"So serious. What did you come here for?" Shiki chuckled, obviously not intimidated or surprised at all by the way the raven acted. A glare was sent at him for even asking that question.

"You know why. I want to quit. Now." Izaya announced, making the executive smile amused.

"Hoh, big words for a brat like you. What makes you think I would let you go so easily?" A grin flashed over the informant´s face as he heard the question.

He had thought about this before.

"You have to or I will give all the information I have on the Awakusu-kai to everyone I know. I already set someone to do the job if I don´t return soon." he declared- feeling victorious, because the only way to get back at the Awakusu-kai was in fact to blackmail them with information, wasn´t it?

Just like they were doing it with him all the time.

But Shiki- didn´t look intimidated.

The opposite.

"Ahaha, Izaya, you know…You are a bad liar." Izaya froze at the reaction of his boss.

"What?" he asked, his eyes turning into slits as he watched the man go up and down the room.

"We have been watching you Izaya, for quite a while."

... the raven´s eyes widened.

Wait what-?

"What do you mean…?" Izaya asked cautiously. More and more he felt like he was being the one trapped here instead. Shiki just laughed, two guys suddenly entering the room.

Izaya glanced warily at them.

"Ne Izaya, how is your sister?" A glare was shot at the man for that question. That fucking bastard-!

He had done that to Kururi!

And now he had the nerve to bring it up in front of him?!

"Ahh, don´t look at me like that, you don´t even get to know the best part!" he laughed, finally sitting down opposite to Izaya on the couch.

"The best part?" Izaya asked as the man crossed his legs and got comfortable, a cigarette being tugged out of his pocket. A grin flashed over the man´s face as he lit it slowly.

"What are you talking about?" Izaya pressed, getting impatient.

"Well," Shiki grinned, blowing some smoke into the air. "-as far as I´m informed, you have two sisters right?"

...

NO-

He could see Shiki´s lips curl into a disgusting grin as the dots connected in Izaya´s head.

"NO-!" he barked, jumping up from his seat, his favorite flick blade faster at hand than the man could even see- but the two men that entered the room did see it.

Before Izaya could even react he found himself pinned to the floor, arms behind his back and the flick blade clattering to the ground.

"YOU CAN`T DO THAT! We have a deal!" he yelled, squirmed, tried to escape the hold of these men, but no chance- because suddenly there was a white cloth.

His eyes widened as it was pressed against his face, and he tried really hard not to breathe, tried to get away, hit those guys somehow so he could get them off, but no chance-

Slowly he felt his consciousness fade.

"Had a deal Orihara Izaya, had a deal." Shiki grinned as the informant´s sight went blank.

Silence filled the room for a few seconds. But then something was to be heard.

Laughter.

Quiet it started, but louder it got.

It came from the other room, connected to this one- and the doors opened. A familiar face with just one eye entered the scene.

"You caught him~!" he laughed amused, walking over just to poke the unconscious informant with the tip of his shoe.

"Just as I promised." Shiki answered, blowing away some more smoke.

A grin spread over the eye patched man as he crouched down to look at the raven.

"Long time no see Izaya-kun~ " he laughed as the two men dragged the raven over into another room.

"You should enjoy this little nap. It will be your last~!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUNNNNNN
> 
> END of chapter 35 Sacrifice
> 
> Well then, I take it things took a turn that you didn´t expect xDDDD Ahahaha I´m so evil-
> 
> But the question is how evil am I exactly~? Or even a better question, how in hell could Izaya even get out of this~? ;3 Can he even...? What is that guy going to do? Ahhh so many questions~ And everything, everything will be solved in 2 chapters~
> 
> Be prepared to get mindfucked over and over ;3
> 
> Chapters left: 2
> 
> Next chapter 36~ Last words
> 
> See you next sunday~! xDDDD
> 
> PS.: I´m still curious what you think the story Sotd is gonna be called xDDDD the suggestions I read were just brilliant xDDD
> 
> PPS.: Twtd 13 is gonna be updated in an hour~! xD


	36. ஜ Last words ஜ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay xc and welcome to chapter 36~! *0* xD This chapter-
> 
> Hehehehehe~ It will break you all xD Oh god I can already hear the sobs xD
> 
> Poor little Izzy-chan~ C: I apologize in advance for all the tears I will cause xD And all the despaiirrrrr- But fear not!
> 
> I WILL update on sunday again xD So I won´t leave you hanging too long at this... welll... you will see C:
> 
> Thank you very much for correcting this chappy so fast SoylentRamen *^*
> 
> Heyo there catperson xD haha, thank you xDD your comments really made my day xDDD I hope chu... will hate this chapter *^* Ehehehehehe~ xDDD 
> 
> "Enjoy"

 

 

**\- Izaya´s point of view**.-

... fuck.

He did it this time didn´t he?

Ahaha... he felt like laughing and crying at the same time.

He had been so stupid. He had let too much time pass, had been too hesitant, had been acting like a coward, and now he was paying for it all.

Sluggish he tried to tug at the bindings on his wrists. But, no chance. Of course. There was a thick rope tied around his arms as well as his feet as he laid quietly in the dark room on the cold floor.

He couldn´t get it off. And he doubted that even if he did, he would be able to escape.

There was only one door.

And now... it was Shiki they were talking about here.

Not some stupid underling or a client that held a grudge. The Awakusu-kai had always been quite thorough with their business.

Haha.. business... yeah that´s what they called murdering people on order as well.

Just business.

He tried to blink and keep his eyesight clear as blurriness started to take it over.

Haha... no way... he couldn´t cry now. He had seen it coming after all. He knew pretty well on his way here that it could end like this.

And still...

A sniff escaped him despite trying to keep quiet.

He couldn´t help but think that maybe Shizu-chan would miraculously appear again...

Like in that warehouse. Haha, he had thought he was done for good then. And even better he had nothing to lose then had he?

Shizuo wasn´t... what he was now to him. And his sisters, they were still safe. If it were just him dying, then the Awakusu-kai would have had no reason to act any further.

They wouldn´t have gained anything in killing them nor would they get any money anymore from them.

It would have been okay like that, he even kind of accepted it... apart from him being afraid to die after all.

He still remembered how desperate he was when he called Shizu-chan...

If just Shizu-chan were here... if only...

...

He regretted it now. What he had said before.

That they were over..

He should have thought twice about this… should have said something different.

After all... did he really want those to be the last words Shizuo heard from him?

... it seemed too cruel..

He wished he had told him he loved him once more...

He wished he had just...

Just...

_I´m sorry..._

A chocked sob escaped his lips as he finally let the tears roll down.

"Shizuo, I´m so sorry..."

**-Torakichi´s point of view. Hospital-**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" If the whole hospital hadn´t heard that yell, then Torakichi wouldn´t know who did.

He wasn´t as fast as the young blond and was still hurrying up the stairs to the twin´s room- it had been Mairu who screamed, that he was dead sure off!

And god, after hearing the young man yell like that he could only hope they were alright-!

He just reached the corridor that lead to Kururi´s room- he was only a few steps away from the open door-

And that´s when a body came flying through the door and crashed into the opposite wall.

A sickening crack was to be heard and a groan escaped the stranger´s lips as he slid down to the ground-

Shocked the old man stopped in his tracks, only to see the blond step out of the room and lift the guy up by the hem of his black shirt.

"What the hell were you trying to do?!" The words resounded in the corridor almost double as loud as they had from the room.

Shizuo had seen that bastard- once he slammed the door open his sight immediately fell onto Mairu on the floor. The guy was hovering over her, a knife in his right hand as he tried to slit her throat- tears had already gathered in Izaya´s little sister´s eyes as she tried to keep the knife away using both her arms.

Shizuo didn´t even think he ever felt this kind of rage before- sure he had hauled countless men and scum through Ikebukuro, and sure he had always been raging- but this kind of anger was new even to him.

He had punched the guy in his fucking face while he yelled, sending him to the floor, blood decorating the white tiles immediately. But the guy didn´t even seem to be done yet and had just gotten up again.

Usually Shizuo would try to cause as little damage as he could, but this time he didn´t give a fuck about whether he would accidentally kill the bastard or not and flung him through the door.

The crack he heard and the blood dripping down the guys face didn´t even make him pause as he lifted him up by the hem of his shirt asking him just what the fuck he thought he was doing.

Irritated, he stared at the man as a smirk crawled over his expression.

"I wanted to slit her neck, to finish the job of course," he laughed, blood seeping from the corner of his mouth.

The blond almost couldn´t believe how easy words like that spilled from the guy.

"Finish what?!" he yelled, pushing the man harder against the wall making him squeeze his eyes shut for just a second.

"Iza-nii! What did you do to Iza-nii?!" The cry made Shizuo blink and snap his head back to the girl.

"What?" he asked, the frown that had already appeared on his face deepening. The twin was still crying and rubbed at her eyes sniffing.

"He said I'm the second Orihara that gets to die today," she hiccupped, tears rolling down her cheeks as she stared almost frightened at the man.

Laughter erupted from the assassin´s throat and he threw his head back.

"Awww, poor girl, that big brother of yours," he grinned, pausing for a second, as if to savior the moment, "-is probably dead by now anyway."

**-Izaya´s point of view. The dark room.-**

"Well, well, Izaya. You woke up I see."

Hah that voice.

Glaring the raven tilted his head just a bit. He could see the door open as Shiki entered the room. Still laying on the ground he watched his predator come near.

"Slept well~?" He fucking hated this man. Hated him for seeming like he even enjoyed this show.

He had what he wanted, he should just get the fuck over with it already.

"Oh don´t glare at me like that, you could have seen it coming." One of the men walked towards him, offering him a cigarette, as Shiki pulled out the lighter of his pocket.

Calmly he lit the cancer stick and blew some smoke in Izaya´s direction before continuing.

"You were always doing good work, always punctual and reliable," he nodded, as if to agree with himself making Izaya frown. He knew what he was. He had always done what the Awakusu-kai had asked him to.

"But you see," the man continued, "you were getting annoying. That attitude of yours, you pulled strings behind my back, you see, that´s not something I´m particularly fond of."

...

He should have known it. Trying to get out of this by digging up some dirt on the yakuza wasn´t going to work.

"That´s why you wanted to get rid of me?" he asked, his eyes closed though. He could already imagine what the response was.

Of course. He did try to set the Awakusu-kai up after all.

"Remember Ryosuke, Izaya?" The raven blinked, his eyes opening again a he looked questioning at Shiki. He hadn´t expected this name to drop here.

"I do, what about him?" He was the one he always went to for his information, also the one that he shared information with at times. Well and last but not least he was also the one that tried to kill him.

"He had such hate towards you~ Akane Kuroshi, remember her?" The raven glared, of course he did. He wanted to kill Shizuo and him because he blamed Izaya for her death.

"You should have seen him when I told him you were at fault for his sister's death!" The raven blinked.

Wait- what?

"That was you?" His eyes turned into tiny slits. "I told you to protect that woman." Laughter was to be heard.

Hah, of course, he would find this amusing. This guy. Since when exactly did he have in mind to ditch him? Only recently? After he started dealing with other people and tried to dig things up about the yakuza? Or maybe all along?

"You start to realize, hm? Initially, I thought he would get rid of you on his own, but as you surely know he managed to fail at that. Thanks to a certain blond debt collector that took... a liking to you."

Izaya´s eyes widened.

He-

"Oh don´t look so shocked. You think I didn´t know that? Well too bad. You did a good job, Izaya, I know what you did, you threw Ryosuke into the harbor right? He was an impatient man… if he had just waited a little longer and pulled some more strings he could have gotten you so easily."

Izaya wasn´t even really listening anymore right now.

What did he say about Shizuo?

Shit..

Shit-!

Only now, now he connected the dots-

Fuck.

Ryosuke was actually sent from Shiki. That meant Shiki knew what Ryosuke told him and what he told Ryosuke all along.

In other words-

He knew about Shizuo and him.

"The first assassin the one supposed to shoot you and the one shoving you off the building were sent by me. Those others were too obvious, too rash but he liked to exaggerate, I mean he even burned a whole floor to make sure he killed you, and yet you escaped. He even got all of your sworn enemies together to finish the job," Shiki went on blowing away the smoke from his cigarette as he remembered those all too long ago events.

"At first we thought you died, 10 days at Kishitani´s and underlings getting knocked out told us otherwise though. We were getting impatient."

Izaya frowned. Shizuo had already been protecting him then, hadn´t he? It was all Shiki´s plan... and he even returned here... fuck.

This was just too messed up.

"Initially, I was planning to just kill you off then. When you leave the work to others it´s never going to be done well right? I was tired of waiting, but then something unpredictable, as you put it, happened and I chose against simply killing you off. Let´s just say, I got a special offer."

Izaya paused in his thoughts, looking at the man a tad confused.

He got a special offer?

... from whom...?

Izaya had a lot of enemies, but he thought they had all gathered when Ryosuke had him trapped in that warehouse... no?

Who else was left..?

"What was that offer about?" he asked, wriggling around on the ground so he was at least able to sit in front of the man.

Shiki just grinned, an evil smile spreading over his face.

"There is someone who wants to kill you himself, and he ever so kindly offered us quite the sum to be able to do that just as he wished."

...who...?

He frowned. He didn´t know anyone who would have a sum large enough to offer to the Yakuza, so they would actually reconsider letting someone else get rid of one of their own.

That was usually their own business. They took care of their own men themselves.

So who...?

"That person wanted to see you suffer, not physically but mentally. So I sent you a reminder." Shiki continued, starting to walk up and down the tiny room as he took a breath of his cigarette.

The guy with the cut up photos. Izaya´s eyes widened.

He had thought it was odd. Ever since Shiki said that he wanted Izaya dead he had wondered why that one guy hadn´t finished him off instead of just giving him those cut up photos of Mairu and Kururi.

So they wanted to see him despair over this whole situation..

"It was magnificent to see you in that kind of state when you arrived to meet me on my command."

This had all been planned.

Izaya couldn´t believe it. This was way worse than he had ever imagined it to be.

"And then it got even better~!" Shiki laughed, "You gave your grandfather a sign to just flee with those girls! I decided to let three guys patrol there, instead of two and secured them with guns. Really, who would have thought you would actually hire an assassin-"

Izaya´s head snapped up, meeting Shiki´s hard stare.

"Yes that´s right, we know what you did Izaya." Coldness and cruel tranquility had coated the man´s voice. "And now, you will pay for everything. A second assassin of mine is on his way to hospital."

Izaya´s eyes widened.

...

NO-

NO way, not the hospital-

Mairu and Kururi-

"I think your sisters and grandfather should be dead about..." Shiki grinned as he looked at his watch, "now."

"No... that can´t be..." He couldn´t...

Not Mairu and Kururi...

Not those two, not this grandfather..

He had tried so hard to keep them out of this-

He even went here believing he could save them by just handing himself over.

He thought... he really thought.

No..

They couldn´t be dead...

No..

No!

Only slowly Izaya glanced up at the man, right now he couldn´t give a single fuck about what more he said.

His thoughts were with his sisters entirely.

There was one hope wasn´t there?

Shizu-chan wasn´t going to be able to even come here... but his sisters.

If he was still at the hospital, then his sisters could still be saved.

Shizuo would protect them.

Shizuo would...

"Ne, Izaya, remember the old high school building you visited? You didn´t think you would meet anyone there, did you?"

The words snapped him out of his thoughts rather harshly as he mentioned something that he didn´t think he would hear from his mouth.

Michiru and Kawashi...

How could he not remember them?

He knew something was fishy when they appeared at the school.

He just knew it. He knew they had to have been watching him or something like that, or else they wouldn´t have been able to know he would be there that day.

Coincidence? No way.

"You sent them there...?" he asked, his voice near to a mumble. He felt like nothing could shock him anymore now.

"Well, actually that wasn´t my idea~" Shiki laughed, and suddenly the door to the room opened slowly.

Izaya didn´t even bother to look into its direction as he let his head hang low.

It was obvious that the man that had offered Shiki a quite big sum of money had entered the room.

He didn´t even care to know who it was. It could be some rich sick bastard that he had once dug some dirt up on or maybe someone else that he already forgot.

"Now then, I think I will leave you two alone."

Footsteps were to be heard as the man approached the sitting raven. More footsteps were to be heard as Shiki and his guards left the room.

But Izaya didn´t even care.

Whoever it was, it didn´t matter anymore did it?

It didn´t-

"Hello, Izaya-kun~"

And then he froze.

He froze entirely.

His breath got stuck in his throat and his mouth went dry as he recognized the voice that had called his name that way.

His eyes widened, but he didn´t dare to look up.

He didn´t dare to face... this monster.

Because he couldn´t be real. There was no way.

He was dead-!

He was supposed to be dead! Izaya had shot him!

Between the eyes, he had-

"Izaya-kun~ Don´t you want to play~?" A tight grip grabbed a hold of Izaya´s chin, and before he knew it he faced the face he never thought he would see again.

A shiver ran down his body as he stared into that clear blue eye.

"Hono..." It was him.

It was that guy.

The guy that had... had done all of these things to him.

The guy that cut off Shotaro´s tongue... the guy that tortured them for his own fun, that guy... that guy... that made him shoot his best friend...

Tremors shook his body as he tried to calm down. This couldn´t be true. He shot him between the eyes, he was sure he..

"No way- you are supposed to be-"

"Dead~?! Ahahahahaha~" Laughter erupted from the guy´s throat, and Izaya flinched, as he was pulled up by the hem of his shirt. "Too bad to disappoint you, but I was just in a coma. For fucking 10 years."

Pain-

Izaya hadn´t seen it coming, and even if he did he wouldn´t have been able to dodge-

The knee hit him hard into the stomach and within a second he found himself again on the ground, gasping, holding his stomach, but that wasn´t enough apparently.

Anger ruled the man´s expression as he glared at the raven, laughed insanely and let his leg repeatedly stomp down onto the raven´s frame.

Kick after kick hit the raven, making him flinch and grit his teeth in pain.

"Do you know how fucking long it took to even be able to do as much as walk again, huh?!" Another kick- in his face.

Izaya spit blood as he tried to roll away from the man- tried to get away- as stupid as it was in a tiny room like this.

But he couldn´t get away.

Another kick to his head made him see stars as he dropped to the floor, gasping as he found himself unable to breathe for a second. A harsh tug on his hair made him squeeze his eyes shut as the man lifted his head off the ground.

Wetness stuck to Izaya´s forehead, and he knew he was bleeding.

"Oohh, how I love that blood running down your head~!" Insane laughter left Hono´s mouth as he slammed the raven into the wall.

"More~! Scream more for me! Izaya!" He laughed, he grinned and then he dropped the raven down onto the ground once more. "You ruined everything," the man growled. "Everything. And now I´m going to ruin you."

And then something happened that Izaya didn´t see coming.

A kick, okay.

Maybe hit him, that too.

But he started to unbuckle his belt.

"Ne Izaya, I heard you have a male lover," Hono suddenly almost purred as he leaned down, tilting the raven´s chin. The raven turned his head away, trying to get up, but he was forced down immediately.

_Shizu-chan_ -

"Heard you like taking it up the ass now~" Izaya stilled, his eyes widening.

Laughter filled the air again as the raven looked back at his predator.

"Ahahaha, don´t worry Izaya-kun~ You know, I want to have some fun! You won´t be able to feel this."

Fear welled up in him as he backed away towards the wall.

No-

No way, he didn´t want that-

But his reaction just caused Hono to laugh more.

"Oh how I love this expression of yours~" he smirked, suddenly approaching the raven.

"I can´t wait to feel that tight hot flesh of yours giving me pleasure." Nausea welled up inside Izaya´s throat as the man approached him.

"But you see, living bodies just struggle too much~ Especially you."

Wait what-

Suddenly a gun was pointed at his forehead.

A grin flashed over the man´s face as he bend down, the gun still aimed at the raven´s head.

"I´m going to use you, ruin you inside out and then, I´m going to send you back to that disgusting lover of yours." And then he released the safety catch with a click. "In pieces of course~"

**-Shizuo´point of view. Hospital room-**

"… What? Already…-" What did he just say-

Izaya... no, no way- Izaya just left the hospital! There was no way he could be dead!

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU`RE LYING!" he bellowed, pressing the man harder into the wall, making it crack all the way up to the ceiling of the hall. But the man didn´t even seem to be intimidated.

Laughter erupted from his throat instead.

"You can yell all you want, Izaya Orihara is dead by now."

_**CRACK** _

The wall cracked further, this time even the guy squeezed his eyes shut in pain.

"I will only ask you one fucking time, where is Izaya now?!"

**-Izaya´s point of view-**

**CLICK** -

The safety catch released, making Izaya flinch. He could feel the top of his gun pressing against his forehead.

Cold.

"Well then any last words?" Hono grinned, leaning forward to whisper disgustingly close into Izaya´s ear. "Hurry up, I can´t wait to feel the tight heat of your dead flesh~"

He flinched as the gun pressed against his forehead, the finger already resting on the trigger.

This was the end.

He knew it…

He was never going to see Shizuo ever again…

**-Shizuo´s point of view-**

He was running through the streets, as fast as he could.

Izaya couldn´t be dead!

It had to be a lie!

Faster- he had to be faster!

_**SCREETCH** _

HE didn´t see the car, really didn´t-

But he didn´t even feel it when it hit him, he just stood straight up again once more.

He had to get to izaya!

He had to get there fast!

Izaya couldn´t be dead!

Just no!

Izaya!

Please Izaya you have to be alive!

**-Izaya´s point of view-**

"No last words? Seriously? Aw you dissappoint me." A grin flashed across Hono´s expression.

"Well then good bye Orihara Izaya."

He shouldn´t have broken up with him.

_I´m sorry Shizu-chan…_

**-Shizuo´s point of view-**

_"He is probably already dead."_

A lie-! It was a lie! A lie!

No!

This couldn´t be true!

**-Izaya´s point of view-**

"I love you Shizuo."

**-Shizuo´s point of view-**

_Please!_

_"_ Izaya!"

**-Izaya´s point of view-**

.

.

.

_***PANG*** _

_**.** _

_**.** _

_**.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters left: 1
> 
> To be or not to be, that´s the question~
> 
> LAST Chapter: 37: The end
> 
> See you on Sunday C;
> 
> PS.: If anyone is bored, I hang around in DRRR chat on sunday evenings (austrian time) usually xDDDDD Feel free to drop by for a chat and complain about my evilness x'DDDDDDD


	37. ஜ The end ஜ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the LAST chapter~ cx
> 
> I bet you want to know what happened to our poor Izaya-
> 
> Well, I won´t torture you any longer~ C; or will I? C: C: C: C: xDDDD Awww I´m so mean I know~
> 
> But hey~ I just love your reactions to my evil plot twists hehe cx
> 
> Well then, I shall not keep you waiting any longer xD
> 
> Thank you for correcting this chapter SoylentRamen! cx
> 
> Enjoy the last chapter~! *^* maybe-
> 
> C: C: C:

  


**-Shizuo´s point of view-**

This had to be a lie-

A fucking lie!

The blond was still dashing through the streets as fast as he could.

The bastard from before had given him the information he wanted- he had told him the location of these bastards´ hideout. And then Shizuo had punched his lights out before starting to run.

There was no way they could have gotten Izaya in the first place! He had just been at the hospital before, after all!

There was no way he could be-

NO.

Just no-

He refused to believe that-!

_"So don´t ever hide from me, no matter what's the reason..."Shizuo mumbled._

_"Eh?" Surprised Izaya looked at the blond. "Hide?"_

_"The ship… after I was shot… you tried to avoid me. Don´t do that again." Shizuo explained, making Izaya understand. Guilty Izaya looked at the blond._

_"Sorry, I won´t do that anymore." He hugged the blond, apologizing._

Tch... Why was he even remembering this now-

He had already known at that time that the flea would most likely do it just yet again if he thought he was causing trouble for him.

_This stupid flea-!_

Why did he always think that he had to do everything by himself? Why did he always try to solve things on his own when he had him? He had told Izaya he could count on him, more than once.

And yet...

He had chosen to run away again.

But he was going to get Izaya out of there. He wasn´t going to just let him disappear on his own.

Never.

His heart almost jumped as he dashed around yet another corner in the street and his destination invaded his sight -

Finally he could see it- the building he was supposed to go to.

It didn´t even take him a second until he was at the front entrance.

Opening the door in a civilized manner? Not a chance.

With a crash, so loud all the neighbors living around the building must have heard it, he cracked the door open, busting right through the entrance.

Only... to stop completely...

All of his determination to get the flea out of there and beat up those assholes suddenly faded away as he spotted one thing.

...

_... blood..._

Lots of blood.

There was a trail of it on the ground. It was blurred... as if someone had been dragging an injured person along the floor-

_No._

_No way._

This was the Awakusu-kai´s base.

There were supposed to be way more people.

That Shiki guy had guards. At least two, he knew that much.

So if it were blood from them... it would have to be way more.

And... Izaya wouldn´t drag him across the floor for no reason.

Izaya wouldn´t...

But... if it wasn´t Shiki´s or his guard´s blood, then-

"No..." He felt as if his heart just stopped.

This couldn´t be Izaya´s blood... right?

No... no... if they killed Izaya, then...

_They would get rid of the body._

_They would get rid of it._

_Drag it through the hall._

No.

That blood.

"... no... no way..."

No. he wasn´t going to believe that.

That couldn´t be-

No.

"...Oi Izaya.." He had intended to say the raven´s name much louder. He had intended to yell it, so that the flea could answer him if he was there.

But it only came out as a dry whisper.

It was so silent in here.

Weary, he finally started to move again, set one foot in front of the other as he almost robotically followed the blood trail.

He wanted to run- but he couldn´t bring himself to. He didn´t know what he would see at the end of it.

_"Imagine-" Shizuo tugged at the blanket covering them. "- this blanket is now a shield from all your worries, okay? You´re safe. It´s only me and you right now." He tried._

_Izaya chuckled at that._

_"How silly…" he commented. Shizuo just smiled._

_"Maybe it is. But we won´t let anything happen to you, okay?_

_"Hmm? I thought_ _**you** _ _will protect me?" Izaya countered. Shizuo kissed his forehead._

_"Both will." He craddled the raven in his arms. "Just sleep now. The best blanket and I will protect you in the meanwhile." Izaya laughed._

_"Oh now I feel safe."_

_"Good." Izaya let his eyes fall shut as he drew circles on Shizuo´s chest with his fingertips._

_"Ne Shizuo, I love you." Shizuo nodded, nuzzling into his soft black hair._

_"I love you too."_

"Izaya... Izaya answer me..." Another dry whisper. He turned around a corner... and stopped.

The end of the blood trail disappeared behind a door at the end of the hall.

Paper doors were on the left and right of the corridor.

He couldn´t-

There was... there was no way that Izaya... that his dead body would-

Behind this door-

No.

It couldn´t be Izaya!

He didn´t fucking care about what seemed logical right now or not, it just couldn´t be Izaya... it couldn´t... it...

An image flashed through the blond´s head as he took a step forward.

One of Izaya.

Shizuo´s throat felt constricted.

Another step.

Izaya laying on the floor. A bullet in his body and blood flowing from his frame.

Shizuo tried to swallow but it wouldn´t go away.

Step after step- he started to get faster.

The choking feeling only worsening.

His hair sticking to his face, the lips parted, but not speaking anymore. The eyes wide open, but not seeing.

Glassy.

Dead.

"IZAYA!" and then he roared as loud as he could, ignoring the lump in his throat as he thundered through the hall, the door just in front of him-

And then the door flew open.

Shizuo stopped in his tracks, barely able to contain himself before crashing into the person that had opened the door.

Yeah, it wasn´t Shizuo who had opened it.

"Izaya..." Only a whisper, quiet as just a simple breath left his lips.

"Shizuo...?" wide, surprised crimson eyes stared back at the blond from within the frame of the door.

Bruises were all over Izaya´s face. Blood was sticking to his forehead and he was pretty damn sure it was Izaya´s. He was leaning strangely against the door frame, as if he were hurt.

But all of that, all of that was of secondary importance to Shizuo.

Because there was only one thing that really mattered right now.

The raven was still looking at him rather surprised after the few seconds that had passed and he opened his mouth to speak.

"What are you doing here?" It wasn´t a voice filled with anger. It was a voice of surprise, confusion and maybe even disbelief at what he was seeing.

But the blond didn´t even give him an answer.

Because Izaya was alive.

Before the raven could even react, Shizuo had leaned forward and trapped the smaller man in a tight hug, almost making him lose his balance. But even if he did lose it, Shizuo was holding him tight enough to keep him from tilting anywhere.

Surprised, the raven held onto the blond´s shirt, flinching just slightly when the arms brushed over the bruises scattered over his body.

"Shizu-, you´re hurting me!" he complained with a slight hiss, but the blond´s hug just tightened even more in response. Izaya was about to ask what he was doing when a silent whisper reached his ears.

"I thought you were dead."

Izaya´s eyes widened softly and he loosened his fists a bit.

He thought-

Only now he spotted the blood track that was leading towards this room. That was marking the entire floor and the puzzle pieces connected in his head as he realized what the blond must have been thinking.

"I seriously…!" The blond tried to start again, but he just couldn´t bring himself to end the sentence as he tightened his hug even more.

"Shiz-" the raven paused, a sound reaching his ears that he had never heard before.

Not from the blond.

He pushed at Shizuo´s chest slightly, leaning back just enough that he was able to look at his lover´s face. And what he saw, made a lump form in his throat, as well.

Shizuo was crying.

"I thought you were dead…! I really thought…" The words got choked as tears ran down the blond´s face and he burried his head in the raven´s shoulder, his arms wrapping around the informant even more.

"Shizu-chan..." A heavy whisper left the raven´s tongue as he let his hands let go of Shizuo´s shirt and wrapped around the blond instead, hugging him back tightly.

"It´s alright now... I´m okay, see?" he whispered with a crooked voice, his brows furrowing into an expression so sad- he wasn´t even sad but...

"Shizuo, please stop crying. You are going to make me cry, too," so the raven said, but his sight was already blurry enough to send a drop rolling down his cheek.

He didn´t mean to hurt the blond this much. He didn´t mean to... he didn´t think Shizuo would be this devastated...

Shizuo was strong, he always was, he just...

"I´m so damn glad you are alive-" Shizuo had spoken the words, softly, as he let his hand run through the raven´s hair.

"Shizuo, I´m sorry...I didn´t want to break up with you, but I thought, if I went here, and something happened-"

" Stop Izaya," the blond interrupted him. He didn´t need for the raven to explain anything to him. He was what he had been thinking about when he did that.

He knew that flea very well by now.

Maybe even better than he knew himself.

"Everything is going to be okay now," the blond mumbled as he tightened his hug. Never.

Never ever was he going to let the flea go again.

A soft chuckle made the blond blink as the last tear dropped from his face.

"For once you are actually right, Shizu-chan," the raven suddenly announced, leaning back, to cup Shizuo´s face with his hands and smile- genuinely.

Izaya... looked really happy.

"What happened?" the blond asked, now finally realizing that Izaya was actually hurt as well- "-and what about these injuries?" But he didn´t get to hear the answer that Izaya was about to give; something else caught his attention.

A shadow moving in the dark room behind the flea-

Almost instantly, alarm bells in Shizuo´s head went off, and he protectively pulled the raven behind him with a harsh tug, causing a yelp to escape his lips.

A guy wearing a beard stepped out of the small room, a grin on his lips.

"The bodies have been taken away Orihara-san," he announced, shoving his hands into this bloody pants pockets.

He was painted in crimson- all over his body.

"Thank you." The words surprised him even more than the man himself when Izaya said them.

"What...?" Okay, now he was seriously confused. "Who is this guy?" The raven smiled as he leaned onto the blond.

"I guess you could call him something like my guardian angel."

**-20 minutes earlier. Izaya´s point of view.-**

**CLICK** -

The safety catch released, making Izaya flinch. He could feel the top of his gun pressing against his forehead.

Cold.

"Well then any last words?" Hono grinned, leaning forward to whisper disgustingly close into Izaya´s ear. "Hurry up, I can´t wait to feel the tight heat of your dead flesh~"

He flinched as the gun pressed against his forehead, the finger already resting on the trigger.

This was the end.

He knew it…

He was never going to see Shizuo ever again…

"Nothing? Seriously? Aw you dissappoint me." A grin flashed across Hono´s expression.

"Well then good bye Orihara Izaya."

He shouldn´t have broken up with him.

_I´m sorry Shizu-chan…_

"I love you Shizuo."

_***BANG*** _

The raven flinched- hard-

Preparing for immense pain- for his own death-

But the pain didn´t come.

Instead there was a yell, louder than his own had been, and he felt something warm drip onto this hand.

Only then was it that he finally opened his eyes-

_***BANG*** _

Another shot, another scream tore from Hono´s lips as blood splattered across the room.

The sick man dropped to the ground, the gun still in his hands as he aimed back at the figure standing in the door.

_***BANG*** _

The wrist was shot through and the hand dangled down from the bone´s end- the gun falling to the ground with a thud.

Pure disgust and anger raged in Hono´s eyes as he glared at the stranger in the door. Blood was starting to drip out of his mouth as he started to speak, only to cough up blood before being able to yell-

"WHO ARE YOU?!" Izaya couldn´t help but keep his eyes locked with something else though.

He didn´t know the man that was standing in the door frame, but he most definitely knew the dead, bloody man he was dragging after him on the floor.

"Shiki..."

It was his boss- well... former boss.

The dead eyes staring at nothing and multiple gunshots to his body were making it quite clear that the man was indeed not going to wake up anymore.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD, YOU WILL REGRET THIS!" Hono´s yell made Izaya finally snap his head away from the corpse as he saw his predator trying to get his gun once more.

_***BANG*** _

_**...** _

_***THUD*** _

And then it was quiet.

Just quiet.

And for a while, it felt to Izaya like he was in some kind of dream.

Maybe he died.

Maybe he survived the bullet miraculously and now he was in coma, dreaming things that couldn´t be true.

"My name is Seryu. Nice to meet you." The dark voice suddenly talking to him made him snap out of his thoughts and tear his stare away from the now... dead Hono.

Yeah.

Dead.

His eyes widened as if he only realized now and he quickly looked back at the man.

But it was sure.

That bullet had gone straight through Hono´s head.

He wasn´t moving anymore.

Wasn´t breathing.

He was dead.

"Surprised?" Only now Izaya´s brain seemed to revert to its original way of working, and he started to pick up the new information around him.

Shiki was dead.

Hono was dead.

There was a man with a gun introducing himself to him right now.

His posture tensed and he tried to lift himself off the floor, only to flinch as he started to feel all the pain again.

He had been in shock when the gun shot caused adrenaline to pump through his veins, but now-

A hiss escaped his lips as he stood up from the floor, leaning against the wall of the room.

"Who are you?" As funny as it sounded, right now he couldn´t recall the man´s name, even though he had just introduced himself.

But the man didn´t seem to take this in a bad way.

"I am Seryu, the assassin you hired, Orihara-san." Izaya´s eyes widened at that.

The assassin?

That couldn´t be true.

"Shiki killed you, you shouldn´t be-"

"Dead?" The man snorted. "Well, so sad to break it to him," he laughed as he threw the body of the dead boss to the ground. "-but it wasn´t me that he shot down in the street. I never got caught." A streak of disgust crawled over the informant´s expression as Shiki´s blood pooled on the floor, making its way towards the raven.

"Sorry about your sis, though. There were three guys instead of two, and even though I should have checked for that, I didn´t," the man apologized, making Izaya look up at him.

So he was really there.

He was really the assassin he hired.

It had bothered him for a little while now. If Shiki really wanted to kill his siblings, then why let Mairu live and not at least injure her while he would still witness it?

So it was because whoever shot Kururi was stopped instantly afterwards.

"But I got some info in exchange for this mess up. Out of respect for your sister I won´t charge you for it," the man continued closing the door to the room for a second.

"Info?" Izaya asked, flinching slightly as he moved away from the wall, trying to stand on his own as he walked over.

"That´s right. If you don´t like it, you can also cut the pay. That guy, Michiru or whatever his name was. He wanted to trade his life for information." Izaya blinked at that- Michiru?

Wait.

What was he talking about? The man continued, not noticing the raven´s surprised expression. "He cried when he said something about a guy called Shotaro and that he wanted to be shot in your stead."

...

What?

For a second Izaya´s eyes widened. "Wait, what do you mean he wanted to be shot in my stead?"

What was the meaning of this?

He thought Hono had picked him all along-

When he woke up in that shed... he could still remember it.

How Hono said they would play a game.

And how he was supposed to do that-

"He said that guy knew what was coming and chose for his friend to survive. He said it would be valuable information to you." Izaya swallowed hard.

So he... he wanted this to happen so Izaya could survive?

"Is this information useful?" Izaya didn´t quite get it right but he couldn´t help but smile slightly.

"Yes, very," he replied before realizing there was still a question out in the open.

"Wait how do you even know about Michiru? I only ordered you to kill Shiki."

The assassin grinned.

"Well, for a murder to be done right, you need to know what your target is doing. What habits they have, where they like to wander around and of course which people they talk to and what their conversations are about. I found out a lot by listening to that sick guy."

Seryu leaned forward and spat on Hono´s dead body.

"I would like to think that you don´t mind me killing them, right?"

Izaya didn´t get it yet.

If they were all gone then...

"You mean you got them all...?"

"Every last one," the assassin smiled. "Shiki, his guards, everyone that was involved with this deal of yours, everyone that was involved with that Hono. All of them."

All...

He was _free_ -

**-Present. Shizuo´s point of view.-**

Shizuo could only stare at the raven as he told him everything.

"He got that bastard?" Only slowly he let his eyes trail back to the dark room.

Before when the flea opened the door, he hadn´t even noticed the corpses.

He had just been too fixated on the fact that Izaya was alive.

But now he could see them. The corpses of those two.

They were dead for sure.

He got everyone.

"Wait... that means-" Shizuo paused, seeing Izaya nodding and smiling already.

"It´s over, Shizu-chan." With one step the raven was in his arms again and hugged the blond tight.

It was over.

Izaya was free.

He would never need to run away from anything anymore now.

He was free, free to do what he wanted.

And what he wanted, was to be together with the man he loved.

They could be together, finally.

Because he did it.

The best outcome.

His plan succeeded.

**-A month later. Shizuo´s point of view.-**

"Ne Izaya, wanna check in at the hospital again later?" the raven nodded, a smile settled on his lips.

"Of course. Kururi wanted me to drop by at least once per day, didn´t you hear her?"

Really now... his sisters had gotten so clingy ever since he told them it was alright again now. Ever since he told them what happened and that he would return to them again.

Mairu had cried when she saw him. She really had thought he died- and to be honest, sometimes these days he would still wake up thinking he still was trapped in this sheme.

But he would always spot something that would drag him back to reality the blink of an eye.

That blond mop of hair right next to him in the bed and the soft sound of snoring it emitted.

These days... he wasn´t alone even a single minute anymore.

He had Shizuo, he had his siblings, his grandfather, his family back. And Shizuo even told Kasuka about their relationship. The brother had reacted about as expected.

Expressionless.

Ryugamine Mikado seemed to have not been able to keep his mouth shut after all, he noticed after he met Karisawa Erika on the streets.

Could also be, though, that she saw them running around and concluded the right things.

And now-

Izaya was happy. Genuinely happy.

They were going for a walk in the park.

The park that they had gone to once before. The pond was now not as cold anymore and Shizuo liked to remind him of how he would throw him into the water if he teased him too much.

It was heaven.

It seriously was.

And Shizuo.

Smiling, the raven tightened his hold on the blond´s hand, making him look over.

"What are you smiling about?" he asked, his own expression lighting up.

"I was just thinking how much I love you," the raven laughed, leaning onto the blond´s shoulder softly as they walked. The blond blinked for a second, slightly surprised, before a warm smile spread over his lips.

"I love you too flea," he responded, stopping for a second as he leaned down to kiss the flea softly. Before he could pull away again, hands had wrapped around his neck and kept him there.

"You know what?" the raven whispered, his lips barely hovering over the blond´s. "I think…," he mumbled, leaning in for another kiss,

"-I want to stay with you forever."

.

.

.

ஜ **The End** ஜ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :´D
> 
> Noticed how the last sentence is the title of my story? XD I guess you never really thought too much of the title, now you know better~ XD
> 
> I guess the end was a little mushy, but hey xD I couldn´t stop my fluffy self xDDD And come on- it´s easter! I can´t make you cry on easter omg xDDD
> 
> I decided against killing Izaya, but it would have been pretty interesting too… Shizuo could have drowned in mourning and killed himself after the funeral, the twins crying next to the coffin, the sentence "I want to stay with you forever" saying just before he jumps down from a high-rise to kill himself or so, referring to heaven…
> 
> hmmmm~ XD nah, I think that would be pretty depressing xD Especially after you stuck around for so long x3
> 
> Finally it´s over omg xD To be honest, I myself didn´t really enjoy this fic anymore since hmm quite a while xD I guess since I started writing The wish to disappear xD Dunno, I think it also kinda lost it´s interesting part along the last chapters- could also be just my opinion cuz I knew that was gonna happen since the start and maybe that´s why I got bored xD If it indeed lost its touch towards the end then I´m sowyyyy
> 
> from now on I´m not planning anything ahead anymore to keep my own interest going there xD
> 
> Anyway, -bows deeply-:
> 
> Thank you ;/;
> 
> Thank you, for reading my story.
> 
> Thank you for always leaving such nice reviews! You have no idea how happy and motivated for writing they made me! ~^o^~
> 
> And of course venemoussyring~! :3 I know you stopped writing, and reading, so I don´t know if you will see this, but Thank you for dragging my sorry ass through this story, thank you for motivating me, especially when I thought I should just stop writing it x3 really, thank you :3
> 
> Thank you all very much! :´3
> 
> Please do tell me what you thought of this whole story, now that it is finished I would absolutely LOVE you for it :xD you know, like, one last review would be nice from everyone xD
> 
> I never ever wrote a single word of an actual story in English, before I started this, and was totally struggling like a snail on a race xD Like, this is my first try even writing a story at all as you might have read in the verrrrry first chapter xDDD
> 
> But I do like to think I improved over the course of time hehe cx And with the wish to disappear I finally found my perfect writing style xDD
> 
> If you enjoyed this, well then, you needn´t be sad this is over- because I am gonna distract you~ ;3
> 
> With what? NEW STORIES of course~! *0* xD
> 
> No escape
> 
> Behind closed doors, AND the mysterious
> 
> Sotd~! xD
> 
> Starting- hmm well actually NOW ;3I´m uploading them at this second xD
> 
> Also, feel free to check out The wish to disappear if chu didn´t yet cx I uploaded a new chapter there as well ;3
> 
> Oh god that´s definitely the longest author´s note I ever wrote~ XD Haha, guess I should stop Cx
> 
> Bye, bye minna~ -^.^-
> 
> Thank you for reading~! And see chu in the new stories xDD
> 
> -Shirohime~
> 
> PS.: For the very very sad and sobbing ones: This fic is completed, but I have my eyes set on writing one Extra chapter on Iwtswyf sometime in the future xD Some after the story chapter filled with some smexiness is missing here still in my opinion C; Haha so stop crying and see you in the future~! xD


	38. Naughty, naughty~

**I want to stay with you forever**

**EXTRA chappy ;3**

**Long time no see hehe cx**

**Sorry for moving the update day around for like- forever xDD I just didn´t get around to write this naw**

**But now *0*0*0*0* now it´s finally finished- the really last chapter of "I want to stay with you forever." C: And I like to think it´s a worthy fluffy end chapter following after the drama in the last chapter xD**

**Not to mention the long needed smut -cough cough- xD**

**Oh well, I guess there isn´t much left to say except that I hope you enjoy this haha cx**

**This isn´t corrected yet- sadly- xD But yaaaahh**

**I hope chu still like it C:**

**Enjoy~!** (ﾉಠヮಠ)ﾉ:･ﾟ **.***

**.**

**.**

**.**

ஜ **Chapter 38: Naughty, naughty~** ஜ

-4 months later-

**-Shizuo´s point of view-**

"Do we really have to go there? I wanted to spend this day at home you know."

Shizuo rolled his eyes at the familiar whine of his lover.

Why did he have to whine so much about it?

"As much as you claim that Shinra is your best friend you sure hate visiting him." It was a simple invitation to hot pot- why did he have to be so against it?

"You really think it´s odd? Think about how we talk to each other. The only thing coming out of his mouth is sarcasm you know." Rolling back onto his stomach Izaya propped up his elbows, watching Shizuo as he dressed himself.

"Hey, you are the one saying he is your friend, not me." It was only morning- 10:30am to be exact. Shinra had invited them as well as some of their friends to hot pot- the reason wasn´t anything specific, though it was only a few days ago that Celty accepted Shinra´s proposal and decided to marry him.

Even though Celty didn´t want any kind of engagement party Shizuo had the slight feeling Shinra was setting up this hot pot as a sort of replacement for it.

He felt happy for the dullahan, Shinra might be a tad crazy and weird, but he would definitely never make her sad.

"Still- Shizu-chaaaaann-" a new whine reached his ears as he watched his silly lover roll around in bed some more. He was still lazing around in bed- actually he had done so since they woke up.

"You know, I kinda thought you would be the type of person to wake up realllly early and annoy me right away." He chuckled moving over and let himself slump onto the edge of the bed. His finger tips trailed along the raven´s spine who was still dressed in nothing but his shorts. "But hey who knew you could become this lazy?"

The raven chuckled, slightly ticklish from the touch and swat the hand away, rolling onto his side to face the blond while one arm was propped up on the bed.

"Well and why am I this lazy?" he questioned, intertwining his fingers with the blond´s gently. The blond hummed, smiling at the gesture.

"Hmmm I have no idea." The raven chuckled, "Liar," and leaned up, softly kissing the blond´s lips. Before Shizuo knew it there was another hand at the back of his head, pulling him down to the raven.

"Why not just stay here, hm~?" Izaya asked, wrapping both his arms around his lover. What a tempting offer.

"You are supposed to go though," the blond reminded, "Shinra didn´t invite only me you know." Izaya didn´t really seem to be interested in that, however, as he kept drawing patterns with his fingertips on Shizuo´s skin.

"I don´t wanna Shizu-chan." As if on cue the fingers suddenly trailed to his neck, loosening the black ribbon he had already attached there.

"If we stay... I could do whatever you want~" the blond chuckled quirking an eyebrow.

"Whatever I want?" The ribbon became loose and tumbled down, falling onto the bed.

"Mhm~" Almost purring the raven leaned up, capturing the blond´s lips in another kiss.

Really now-

"He might have free Ootoro for you too you know." Shizuo mumbled against the soft lips- causing the raven to blink.

"Ah, that´s right!" A tad surprised by the outburst the blond blinked as well, a tad perplexed.

"Wait, what?" The raven got up from bed and hurriedly stalked over to the cupboard, pulling out some clothes.

"Come on hurry up Shizu-chan or we will be too late!" The blond just stood there for a second not knowing if he should regret now that he made the raven hurry up or be happy about it.

A snort reached his ears and the raven sent him an amused expression.

"What? Did you actually not want to go? Am I that irresistible~?" the blond chuckled, snapping out of it and attached the black ribbon to his neck again.

"Oh shut up-" really, and there it was Izaya who always said he was the unpredictable one in their relationship when it was obviously Izaya who always surprised him anew.

It didn´t take them long to reach the party. Just a couple stations with the underground train and a walk of a few blocks. All while the flea was typing away on his phone busily. Apparently he was talking in some sort of chat- Shizuo had never really looked at it though. Talking about Izaya he almost bet he was just fucking around with some high schoolers or whatever.

Already sheathing of his coat the raven knocked at the door, not even waiting for the doctor to open up.

"Ah, Izaya, what a surprise, you came." The raven snorted, glancing back at his lover who was just shaking his head.

"See? Even he didn't expect me to come."

"You really have a weird sort of friendship."

"Ah, Iza Iza and Shizu are here!" The raven rolled his eyes when he caught the ridiculous names, but oh well. He had gotten used to Karisawa´s weird nicknames for them.

Stepping into the apartment Izaya noticed pretty much everyone was there already.

Ever since he had officially gotten together with Shizu-chan his relationship with the others improved considerably too. At first it was just Celty and Shinra, then Tom and even the emotionless Kasuka. Dotachin and the others just joined somewhere along the way as well.

Not that he hadn´t been friends with Kadota sort of before, but well, things just got a whole lot smoother ever since that point in time.

Really a lot had changed in those 4 months- considering everything that had happened he would have never imagined an end like this.

"So, what are we going to do about those two?" he had barely sat down when Karisawa started up again- seriously he could almost see her eyes sparkle. Ever since she had heard that Celty accepted the proposal she had been rambling in the chatroom about nothing but the wedding.

"Karisawa it´s their wedding you know. And they want to keep it tiny, obviously, seeing how she doesn´t have a head and all." Izaya tried to explain, though he only earned a playful glare for that.

"Don´t be so mean Izzy, I bet Celty would love a huuuuuuge wedding~!" it was more like Karisawa would want a huge wedding- well and he had a feeling Shinra mightn´t be too opposed to something like that either. He seemed like the type of guy that would arrange something huge to show Celty how much he loved her. Good thing she told him off right away.

"Uh huh, then tell me how you would find a priest to marry them if it weren´t for Simon absolving a course in Russia." The man nodded in agreement, also having been invited to the hot pot/ engagement party.

"Still..." Kadota nodded to that as the raven took his seat next to him. There were only two free places left anyway- one for him and one for Shizuo. That much about Shinra thinking he wouldn´t come. Everyone else had already settled around the table.

"He is kinda right you know." The raven blinked, not expecting the support.

"Ah, good thing Dotachin is agreeing with me at least~" he chuckled, leaning on the guy´s shoulder. The man shrugged, taking a sip of his drink.

"I´m not on your side or something, just saying you are right for once."

"Oi flea don´t bother Kadota." The raven blinked, suddenly feeling a hand at his waist that pulled him over until he bumped into the very familiar shoulder of a certain brute. With a grin Izaya looked up at the blond.

"Don´t tell me you are jealous Shizu-chan~" The blond huffed.

"Of course not."

Finally Shinra came in with the food- as well as Mika, carrying a tablet with what Izaya delightedly indentified as a few pieces of Ootoro as well with a variety of other foods.

"My dear Celty did her best with this so be sure you look like you enjoy it- even if that´s not the case."

A pained sound was to be heard as Shinra suddenly found an elbow boxing him into the side.

"Ah... Celty, weren´t you in the kitchen just now?" the PDA was shoved into his face before he could even say more.

(I made this with Mika-chan so I´m sure it tastes good.)

"It was a joke of course, my dear." Shinra laughed awkwardly, trying to worm his way out of that one. Well Izaya couldn´t blame him, it was kind of heartwarming how much he worried over his fiancée´s feelings.

Finally putting the hot pot on the table everyone started to eat and talk- and Izaya kind of realized that this was something he never hoped to have.

This really was something that he never thought he would be able to enjoy. Having actual friends, having a lover who was sitting close enough for their shoulders to touch- Just... he was happy.

And unknowing to the raven´s feelings, Shizuo felt the exact same at the second.

Happy being with the flea like this. He really was stupid for not noticing it any time sooner. But now he had him.

He was his, his alone. Sneaking a hand around his lover´s waist he pulled Izaya closer, making the raven chuckle.

"What's with you, feeling cuddly or something?" he let his hand ruffle through the blond´s hair. He didn´t know why but he kind of liked doing that.

"Hmm, maybe."

"Hey, hey we are still here, do that somewhere else." Yumasaki announced, pointing at the two with his chopsticks while Erika sent him something that was close to a death glare. Celty seemed to like the sight though as she typed on her PDA.

(Leave them, it's cute.)

"Cute? I still can´t get used to that sight." Kadota mumbled. "I swear I'm waiting for the day vending machines fly through Ikebukuro again, it's too calm."

"Whoa, talk about being pessimistic. He is mine." Izaya snorted, demonstratively moving onto Shizuo´s lap and wrapped his arms around the man´s neck.

"I don´t plan on giving him away either. No chance." Shizuo agreed, not minding the flea where he was at all. Izaya chuckled.

"That makes it sound like you are my owner and I´m a puppy or something." Karisawa smirked an idea forming in her head-

"Not that's an interesting topic, didn´t know you were kinky Izaya. Ne what do you do when-"

"NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, stop right there. I want to eat hot pot and not think about how my friends get it on in bed-" Kadota quickly interrupted the Fujoshi who gladly shut up when Yumasaki covered her mouth.

Mika chuckled at the topic, addressing the two as she pointed to the table.

"How about you two go and get some more mushrooms, someone from this table seems to have eaten them all."

Everyone´s eyes went to Togusa who was still sitting there quietly, with the last mushroom between his chopsticks-

"What..? They are good."

Laughter filled the room and the Russian man nodded smiling.

"Eating together like this is good, Shizuo and Izaya being like this is very good. Love and sushi is the best." The raven laughed as well, taking some of the said sushi, which surely Simon had brought form his shop and took a bit of it as he got up.

"Now where are the mushrooms Shinra?" he asked, not intending to ignore the request. The bespectacled adjusted his glasses, pointing to the door in the back.

"In the room at the end of the corridor, there are some shelves, I think I put some in one of them." Shizuo got up as well from his seat, following the raven as he moved over.

"Don´t get lost on the way~" Shinra joked once more before they disappeared in the corridor.

"Why are we the ones getting them, though?" Shizuo questioned shoving his hands into his pants´ pockets.

"Because Celty already cooked everything. And Shinra is too lazy to get up obviously." Izaya explained spotting the door he believed lead to the room Shinra had mentioned.

"He could have went himself."

"Come on Shizu-chan we are getting free food." With a soft creak the door opened, revealing a familiar room. There were three shelves put into it but it clearly had been an operation room before.

Shinra had kind of re-decorated it.

"Good thing he doesn´t have to treat us here anymore," Shizuo mumbled, recognizing it as well. Truth to be told ever since he got together with the flea he actually didn´t end up snapping at random people anymore.

He just learned to not give so many fucks about stupid little shits.

"Yeah, and now that we don´t keep dropping by anymore for him to fix us he doesn´t need it anymore. The connections he had with the yakusa that could have forced him to keep operating on various people died on that day after all."

Yeah- that day really changed everything.

He could still remember it way too clearly, that day. He seriously thought he would lose Izaya. With all his stupid secrets and plans and whatever, he really thought the flea would slip away- forever.

It could have ended that way. It wasn´t even like it hadn´t been an option. If just a single thing had gone wrong- be it the timing or something else- he would have never seen the flea again.

"Shinra said it should be around here," Izaya mumbled looking up the third shelf. The first two shelves seemed to have been used as a sort of documents storage while the second was stocked with what he believed to be some sort of samples for whatever Shinra experimented on- and the third actually contained food.

He wasn't going to comment about how storing possible poisonous or at least gross samples together with actual food in one room was a bad idea. It was when he reached up from a glass willed with mushrooms that he felt two hands sneak around his waist from behind. A smile spread across his face as he tilted his head backwards, trying to catch a glimpse of his blond lover.

"What´s with you today? So cuddly?" he asked, turning around within the grasp, so Shizuo's hands were resting on the small of his back instead.

"I just like this a lot." Shizuo murmured, pulling the raven even closer to his chest.

"What, hot pot at Shinra´s? You were here before you know." The raven chuckled, not exactly hating how his lover acted today.

"Yeah, but with you it´s a whole different thing." It was. because Izaya was there, and he would never leave again. He was his. And he was so god damn happy-

"Now you are getting cheesy," Izaya mumbled, leaning up to softly kiss the blond´s lips. A hand was lifted and the blond cupped the raven´s cheek softly.

"You think so? I´m just saying the truth." he mumbled, returning the chaste kiss, just letting his lips rest on Izaya's for a second, feeling the soft warmth radiate from them. A smile spread over his face.

He really loved this flea too god damn much.

The raven chuckled, very much enjoying this, but then again it wasn´t quite was he loved the most "What with this, those aren´t real kisses Shizu-chan," - with his lips hovering over the blond´s he locked his arms around his lover´s neck. "Kiss me properly, will you?" The smile disappeared from the raven´s lips being replaced by a more, hungry expression as he slid his tongue into the blond´s mouth.

A smile played along Shizuo´s lips and he pulled the flea closer, letting his tongue play with Izaya´s teasing one. The chaste kisses were something that he liked doing- Izaya on the other hand preferred more passionate ones.

"So greedy, aren´t we?" Shizuo hummed, before kissing the raven deeply, taking just one step towards the raven, making his back softly thud against the shelf behind him. The raven hummed approving- Shizu-chan taking charge like this was definitely a turn on.

Always being the one to know everything, always being the one to plan everything it sure was exciting to leave the blond in control. Kissing his lover back deeply he let his hands slip down to Shizuo´s shoulders, grasping the soft white shirt beneath his fingertips.

The blond smiled against the raven´s lips as he let his own hands trail down as well a bit farther than just to the waist, however. The raven blinked, a chuckle escaping his lips as he glanced at the blond from below.

"Shizu-chan, we are at Shinra´s place." he lectured with a sweet, silent voice. The blond merely leaned down though, lips finding their way to Izaya´s neck as they trailed a line of kisses along it, hot breath making Izaya´s hair stand on ends at the treatment.

"I know." The raven shuddered the slightest bit, feeling goose bumps roll down his back as he tilted his head to give the blond better access.

"They might walk in on us." He reminded, not disliking the treatment- But the blond didn´t seem to listen at all as he brought his lips down on a particularly tempting looking spot to suck hard at the raven´s skin.

A soft gasp escaped Izaya´s lips and he felt pleasant shudders rupture through his skin.

"I´m just kissing you~" the blond remarked innocently, the kiss mark already starting to change color.

"Suuure~" Izaya breathed, partly laughing, partly pleasured, his head still tilted slightly.

"Well you gotta make up for last time." Shizuo announced, leaning forward just so much the flea could feel something hard press against his crotch. Innocently, he cocked an eyebrow -

"Heh~ You mean this morning?" He asked, not minding anymore where they were- that blond was just too good at turning him on.

"You just stopped after the kiss." Shizuo complained pouting, but the smile didn´t ease off his lips.

"Aw, did I leave my poor protozoan horny?" Izaya breathed, only for him to gasp in surprise when the hands that were resting on his lower hips suddenly grabbed his thighs and pulled him up- the shelf behind them creaked in complaint as the blond slipped between the raven´s thighs, pressing his obvious clothed errection hard against Izaya's-

A hand slapped itself before Izaya´s mouth as he barely swallowed a moan that threatened to spill off his lips. God how he loved that dominating side of the blond-

Cocking an eyebrow the flea grinned, trying to not let his voice give away just how turned on he was already.

"Perv. They are all waiting next door you know?" He breathed, but hooked his legs behind the blond´s back.

"Not exactly next door." Shizuo threw in, not hesitating a second to capture the raven´s lips again in a deep kiss. Moans were swallowed and hands grasped at the white shirt as the blond slowly but hard moved against the raven´s body.

Feeling the obvious arousal pressing against himself Izaya couldn´t help but imagine what more he could be doing to both of them, causing his cock to twitch in anticipation.

"I didn´t know you were so naughty, Shizu-chan," he panted only for his breath to get caught when the blond started thrusting his hips against the raven.

Leaning his forehead on the blond´s shoulder the raven bit his lower lip, trying to keep quiet as the delicious friction caused his whole body to heat up.

"Says the one who is rock hard already-" the blond breathed against Izaya´s ear, a hand suddenly trailing down the flea´s body- right into his pants. Izaya gasped, feeling it curl around his shaft and stroke- softly- slowly- up and down.

Izaya mouth hang open as he grasped the blond´s shirt tighter. Fucking tease-

"Shizu-chan-" he hissed, only to feel those moist lips on his neck again, on his collarbone- lips- shutting him up efficiently, while the blond stroked him steadily.

"All this talk about marriage, makes me wanna propose to you." Surprised the raven blinked, feeling the lips mumble against his own. Shizuo was looking at him with those caramel golden eyes of his- a tad too serious to think he was joking.

"Marrying? Really? What for?" He mumbled, the blond pressing his forehead against the raven´s as the hand stopped.

"So everyone knows you are mine." A soft chuckle escaped the raven´s lips.

"So possessive~" But Shizuo didn´t laugh, he just smiled, bringing up one hand to brush a strain of hair out of Izaya's face.

"I just love you."

... the raven couldn´t even describe what those words made him feel like. Not that he didn´t know Shizuo loved him. Just- right now-

His eyes grew soft as he cupped the blond´s face.

God that blond was just so-

"... now you are totally cheating," he mumbled and with that he kissed the blond deeply. This time it was Shizuo´s turn to chuckle and quirk an eyebrow.

"How so?" he asked softly, just leaving Izaya to smile- his hands already trailing down to Shizuo´s belt, unbuckling it quickly. "You know why."

No more talking now- hurriedly Izaya shoved the blond´s pants down, reaching for the blond´s errection- a soft hiss reached his ears as he palmed it, stroking it up and down just as Shizuo did with his own.

Shirts were shoved up, pants pulled down and hot skin brushed against each other making the raven breath a soft moan as he felt that hard on slip between his thighs.

Without any word the raven guided it to his entrance, his thighs lifting and locking behind the blond´s back tightly- Pants reached his ears when the blond looked at him.

"No preparation?" Izaya shook his head quickly, "After yesterday night I doubt I need any-" and captured the blond´s lips in a breathtaking kiss instead.

The blond felt his cock twitch at the response- god damn-

Without a warning Izaya was tugged back and pinned up against the shelf- creaking reaching his ears as the blond shoved his thigh up-

"You are really sexy you know that?" he breathed in a sultry voice, looking deep into Izaya´s eyes before pressing the tip of his length inside the raven-

Izaya moaned, his eyes shut close- but the bond didn´t stop there as he just moved deeper and deeper- hotness engulfing him tight as the lithe body in his arms bent erotically in his grasp-

"Shizu-" lips quickly covered the raven´s mouth as he pushed inside until the hilt-

Spasms ruptured through the raven´s body and his chest heaved up and down quickly as the blond stayed still deep inside.

"Fuck- " Even though Izaya didn´t say anything Shizuo could basically hear Izaya´s eyes scream at him to move-

"Ah, Karisawa, it´s on the left." And then they froze for second-

That was Shinra´s voice- Panting filled the silence as they heard steps outside the room, walking along the hall.

A door was opened- but not theirs thank god-

"Got it~!" Karisawa-

The blond nearly face palmed when he realized what they were about to do at Shinra´s place-

He let go of the raven´s hands, expecting Izaya to quickly pull on some clothes- what he didn´t expect though, were hands on his collar, pulling him into a passionate hot kiss- hands locked behind his neck and before he could even ask what he was doing the flea was already panting the answer-

"Don´t you dare stop now-" the blond swallowed immediately feeling his cock twitch inside the raven at the words-

"But they might really discover us now-" he whispered, but the raven didn´t seem to give a fuck as he wrapped his legs tighter around the blond´s body, forcing that errection to go even deeper inside- the blond shuddered at the sensation- the raven biting his lips to keep silent.

"I will be quiet-" he breathed- "Please-" he grasped the blond´s shirt- "I want you so bad-"

The blond swallowed hard- God damnit- the flea was too sexy-

Pulling out the blond slammed back inside the raven- Izaya´s mouth fell open, but no sound came out as he grasped the blond´s shirt tightly-

Fuck- the blond kissed the raven harshly, forcing himself deeper and harder inside the raven speeding up quickly-

Izaya saying he wanted him- Shizuo didn´t even want him to stay quiet-

Holding his voice down like that it made him want to make the raven scream in pleasure- He didn't think it would be this hot to see the flea try hold back his moans-

The kiss was rough, hard, a hand found its way to Izaya´s chest and length stroking the leaking cock fast as he thrust inside the tight heat.

"...! Fu..ck-" Hot fragments of words escaping the raven´s lips hotter than any moan he ever heard- were being breathed into his ear, leaving his imagination to run wild as the raven dug his nails into his back.

"Shiz-" Another hard thrust-

"..ah..!" Messy kisses swallowed the raven´s broken moans as he was sprawled against the bookshelf-

Heat radiating off their skin- the raven shuddered-

"Shizu-cha-!" groaning the blond stilled, feeling the raven tighten around him as he came- his name spilling of his lips in a breathy voice trying to catch some air- His hands tugged harshly at the blond´s shirt and he threw his head back in pleasure.

No matter how many times Shizuo saw Izaya like this, he well damn could never get enough of that raven- catching his trembling hot lips in a kiss he spilled himself inside Izaya with one last powerful thrust-

Panting the raven wrapped his arms around the blond- feeling a tad unsteady as the blond let him down.

"Enough?" the blond chuckled, softly still searching for those delicious lips.

"Of you?" Izaya panted, cocking an eyebrow. "Never~" Shizuo found himself being pulled into another sweet kiss.

"I would say yes." Shizuo blinked, not getting what Izaya meant.

"What?" Izaya smiled, touching the blond´s nose tip.

"Showing everyone I´m yours I mean." Izaya had to laugh at the way Shizuo´s expression just churned into something that looked like puppy that was given treaties-

"Stop grinning like an idiot." but the blond didn´t, instead he just hugged the flea really tight, the smile not going away.

Izaya couldn´t quite deny that he was just as happy- and nuzzled into the blond´s shoulder.

"For now we should get dressed though." he whispered softly, brushing through those blond strains. The blond pouted a bit as he leaned back, looking at the louse in his arms.

"And go home?" Izaya chuckled-

"Yes, and go home."

Quickly they pulled on their pants again- and closed up their shirts. Chuckling the blond ruffled through the raven´s hair as well.

"You look like you just had mind blowing sex." he commented-

"Aw thank you Shizu-chan, I already know I´m amazing~" The raven chirped as he straightened himself.

Finally the door to the room was opened and Izaya shortly glanced into the living room, waving at everyone.

"Shinra, something came up, so we are going home." he announced, the doctor just waved at the two with a smile on his face.

"Sure, sure."

"Yeah, thank you for the food Shinra."

And with that the two took off.

None of the two noticed how it had gotten really quiet in the room.

Only Karisawa was sitting there with a huge grin on her face.

Shinra smiled.

"So, who wants to go get the mushrooms now?"

**THE END**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Ahahah Shinra is the best x'DD I hope it was clear enough that everyone actually heard what they were doing x'DDDDDDDD**

**So anyway, sadly, sadly, now it´s over C':**

**I hope you liked the chappy xD even though the smut part was.. so so xD**

**If chu want I would love if you checked one of my new stories out C: The ones with the butterfly symbol are the newer ones that I worked on with a different writing style C:**

**Well then- I really want to thank you for reading all this xD It´s so long omg**

**Haha I love you all 3**

**See you on one of the updating Sundays~ C: C; xD**

**OH- on a side note! *0*0*0***

**I AM DRAWING A DOUJINSHIE *0*0*0*0* for real yes xD Shizaya of course C;**

**And I already drew the cover of it *0*0***

**If you check out my account on "** Archive of our own **" "ShirohimesShizayastories" the story called "** Story pictures and stuff C; C: **" then you will see the cover of the doujinshie xD oh and some other shizaya pics xD**

 


End file.
